aight-alright

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The chemical name for vitamin C is “ascorbic acid”. I always used to wonder about this one. Is being ascorbic like being acerbic? Is it like being ascetic? Absorbent? Some combination of all of them?

Today I learned that scorbi is just a Latinish way of writing scurvy. So a-scorbi-c acid is “no-scurvy acid”.

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Stephanie: He's (Barnard) so into you

Tim: He is a boy, and I'm a boy. If anything, he just likes true crime

Stephanie: You do know 2 boys can like like each other, right? I have a lot of manga about it. It's really sweet and explicit

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[ Bruce is out at a comedy event with all his kids. ] Comedian: Are these your kids too? Brice: Half of them. Their parents wouldn’t let me legally adopt the other half. Comedian: So you stole them? Jason: He kinda did. Comedian: You know this doesn’t sound good.

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I need Dr. Damian Wayne except he’s literally just Dr. house. He’s constantly fed up with everyone’s bs and is popping advil like candies.

———

Tim: hey Damian, so great to see my FAVORITE brother ever!!

Damian done with ts: alright what’d you do this time?

Tim: *pulls cape back to show a gun wound* I was shot.

Damian: *sigh* why do I even try

———

Damian’s coworkers: so the patient is having sharp pains, fever, fatigue, and ulcers

One of the doctors: it could be-

Damian: if I hear you suggest lupus one more time I will hit you

———

Bruce: Damian what the hell are you doing?

Damian very obviously playing solitaire on his computer: hm? I’m working duh.

Bruce: I did not pay for ten years of med school for you to play solitaire

Damian: *side eyes bruce* you spend most your days dressed as a bat and solving jigsaw puzzles of cats

Bruce: touché.

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The comedic potential of Bruce being a college drop out and Damian having his med degree is endless. Can you imagine how many situations Damian can smugly go "one of us has the medical degree Baba, and it sure isn't you"

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Dick: You're my favorite brother.

Jason *not looking up from his book*: Wild if true.

Dick: You're my favorite brother.

Tim *not turning away from the Batcomputer*: I know.

Dick: You're my favorite brother.

Damian *leaning over his sketchbook*: You're in my top five.

Dick: You only have four!

Dick: You're my favorite brother.

Duke: Aw, thanks. You're cool too.

Dick: You know what, I'll take it.

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painted by botticelli

sculpted by michelangelo

and welcome back helen of troy!

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well look who it is. my old friend. the conses of my quences.

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What kind of question is this

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Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.

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"OP why are you mad that your words are being misinterpreted you're on the piss on the poor website" actually i think it's very reasonable to demand people pay attention to the words they use, the choices they make, the things they believe, and their capacity for empathy and comprehension and that it's sort of weird that you're finding humor in making excuses to just believe that there simply is no possible way to improve your actions

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My friend is trying to name herself, and she's like, "Oh, what's that name that's like marmalade, but it's a name?" and I know she means Adelaide, but I think I can talk her into naming herself Marmalade if I play my cards right here.

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the JL probably stopped thinking that Batman was the greatest detective in the world like, the minute that any of the batkids started getting involved in team missions. they get to watch the Robins run circles around Bruce consistently and without hesitation and i bet they wonder how the fuck they ever thought he was untouchable.

*during a world threatening, all hands on deck emergency*

Batman: everybody understand the plan?

Flash: we’re good to go, on your word.

Batman: then lets get on with it.

Robin, picking up his katana: agreed, let us engage the enemy. and also real quick before we do, i have to tell you that i got suspended from school for two weeks for slamming another student’s head into a table. alright, lets go.

Batman, visibly doing a doubletake: -woah wait hold on, Damian-

Red Robin, scornfull: seriously B? you’re gonna get distracted and let THOUSANDS of people die, because of that little tidbit? what, and now i guess you’re gonna freak out because i got a DUI a few days ago?

Batman: YOU GOT A DUI-?

Robin: father, honestly, priorities.

Batman: i- uh-

The rest of the league, exchanging blank looks:

*massive explosion*

Batman: um- OK WE HAVE TO GO BUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER-

*after the fight, ten hours later, everybody is exhausted and covered in blood and dust*

Batman, wrapping gauze around Robin’s wrist: i… feel like there was something i was going to say earlier. regarding you.

The league, watching the Robins stay completely silent:

Red Hood, without blinking: yeah old man, you promised us all that you’d buy pizza on the way back to Gotham.

Batman: …i don’t remember saying th-

Nightwing: fucking course you don’t. first you forget to tell me my little brother dies until after his funeral, now you forget to feed me. are you gonna forget to invite me over for game night, too?

Batman:

Robin: *silently making an ‘a-ok’ gesture behind Bruce’s back*

Batman: …right. yeah. that must have been it. we’ll get pizza ordered to the manor.

Superman, leaning over to Green Arrow: do you think he’ll be ok alone with them? they’re kinda mean

Green Arrow: no i knew that man in college. he brought this on himself.

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Come on man you can’t make me read about such an emotional topic and then throw that picture into the slide

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these are KILLING me