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Celebrated one year clean last night. 🔷

Been teary eyed since. We do recover, and I truly believe it.

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melancholy.

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Gays who love survival horror.

Playing: Layers of Fear 2

Did my job, showed up to the gym this morning. Now I gotta show up for recovery tonight. Life is good.

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here’s a sign 🪧

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Photo by Georg Oddner (1955)

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11.5 months clean/sober. i celebrate my one year on april 1st.

i cannot believe i'm here. i also haven't posted in a long time. i'm not sure why i stepped away from tumblr; i ended up diving more deeply into step work and avoided social media. honestly, i think i've slipped back into isolation territory and living inside my own head, so it'll be nice to pound out some journaling/blogging. especially considering the news i received this morning...

my mother and i speak on a regular basis. we speak on whatsapp almost every day via video chat. i live on the west coast, she lives on the east coast. it's a nice way to communicate and catch up. she means a lot to me, despite our tumultuous history. my mom will always be my mom, no matter how much the inner teenager rebels.

i called her on my usual commute to work, and she chimed in with a shiver-inducing "i wanted to discuss something with you". her maternal instincts realized this was an error on her part, as she could tell it worried me. the cat was out of the bag, so i implored her to let me know what it was she wanted to discuss; otherwise i wouldn't be able to work.

her mammogram report came back positive for ductal carcinoma - a precancerous/premalignant lesion. this is asymptomatic, and apparently >7300 women are diagnosed with this in the UK alone. however, it was still alarming nevertheless. after a bit of research, the prognosis appears to be a resounding "excellent" across the medical interpretations, provided you attend all recommended MD appointments and keep a lookout for any resurgence.

i love my mom, she's the only one i have left. if she left, i know i'll be okay. in my pagan belief system, i have spiritual parents of "god and goddess"; however, the loss of my biological parents in the material realm wouldn't hurt any less.

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October afternoon with hockey, dogs, and blankets. I’ve never known peace until this moment.

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Nude Youth Sitting by the Sea. Figure Study (detail) Hippolyte Flandrin

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I need you so much closer. 💌

Death Cab For Cutie | Transatlanticism

The Postal Service | Give Up

Las Vegas, NV