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100% A MOM

I’ve come across so many write ups about motherhood. One side claiming that being a working mom is the way to go, and another claiming that being a full time mom is. But, whichever route you take, I would say, is just as challenging. And I say this because I’ve experienced both.

When my daughter was born, up until she was over a year old, I was a working mom. I would slave each day for 10 hours in the office, 3 hours on the drive to and from work, and another 5-6 hours of “mommy duty time” when I get home and before I head off to work the next day. I was neither 100% at either jobs. There were countless times I was made to choose between work and home, with each choice bearing huge repercussions, either on family or on my career. I was a “zombie” both at home and at work, only figuring in a max of 4 hours of sleep per day. One day of the weekend is spent catching up with sleep, and the remainder to make it up to my husband and daughter. On most days, I just felt like crying from frustration and exhaustion. I remember days when I would feel guilty because every time my daughter cried, I had no clue why and what she needed, and I would look to my husband and her nanny for clues.

I made it work for over a year until I finally made a decision to devote my 100% to my daughter and my husband. It was a decision I fought against, and fought for. I was torn between a career I loved and devoted myself to over the years, and realizing my dream of starting/building a family. No offense to my own parents who both worked very hard as we were growing up, to provide us with a good future, but I observed and made comparisons of family success rate (based on my own vision, which is ultimately how the children turn out in later life) between families with both parents working full time and those with one parent at home. What I have found was that those with one parent at home devoted to the family, fared better in terms of how the kids fared in school up until their grown up years. The children are more balanced, are more whole, made sound decisions, and are successful in their chosen fields. Take my husband’s family for one. My in-laws have successfully cultivated their children’s God given gifts that led to successes in school and more importantly in their grown up lives.

Since then, my family life has been easier in a way that marital arguments are virtually rare to non-existent. When my husband and I talk, I am 100% there and not counting how many minutes of sleep I am losing, or what I have to do at work the next day. My daughter is well fed, well dressed and even brighter these days. My husband did a superb job taking care of her prior, but it’s true what they say that a mother’s touch is incomparable, and it is. I have never seen my daughter and husband as happy as they are now that I am 100% a mom and a wife. And that makes me whole in a way that having a successful career would never achieve.

A lot of people, especially those who have not experienced motherhood just yet, pass judgement as if being a full time mom is the lazy route, that we moms are just too lazy to work, or that we “leech off of our husband’s outcome”. The truth is, I’ve never been more tired physically and mentally now that I am a stay at home, full time mom. But it’s the happy kind of “tired”. Motherhood truly is a 24/7 job. If you take it seriously (and seriously I do!!!), planning your family’s schedule, preparing daily meals, doing the laundry, budgeting everything from groceries to bills to family trips, and every chore in between, can be exhausting. Add to that informally homeschooling my toddler and ensuring she learns and grows well everyday, is one tough job. My mommy list goes on and on. And yes, I do get to indulge myself in little shopping trips on rare occasion/s, or go on vacation trips once in a while, but it is to bond as a family and in little ways to reward myself with some “me” time for allowing my husband, giving him the time and freedom to do what he loves and be successful at it, by taking care of our family and home.

As for me, although I know I could have achieved more in my previous career if I hadn’t changed routes, THIS is my career now…my vocation…my willing and whole hearted sacrifice. I am blessed to be given this chance to focus on family, to witness my family’s every milestone. I am thankful to God and my husband for making this possible. And I am making this blessing count by being 100% a mom.

Working moms albeit “hands on” continue to amaze and inspire me as to how they could juggle and be optimum at both roles. The sacrifice of not being there all the time, missing some milestones, can be very heartbreaking, as I have experienced once upon a time. There is simply no “one” easy route in motherhood.

Either way, do not underestimate the power of a hundred percent mom to build a beautiful family, whether they choose to be a working or a full time mom.

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#singlemom and #stayathomemom #getpaid from #home #makingmoney is too #easy

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Since we can no longer analyze the comments made by Santorum, onto Romney! 

As many people already know, last week Hilary Rosen took a stab at Ann Romney by saying she had never worked a day in her life. Immediately, people were in uproar over how stay at home mothers work just as hard as moms out of the home, and I must completely agree. However, I don’t feel like the context of Rosen’s comment is taken into account in these arguments. Rosen made the comment because Romney has stated he looks to his wife for information on what women in America need for politicians. Rosen continued on to explain that Ann Romney, as a stay at home mom, does not have the same needs and requests of her politicians as the average woman (who works out of the home).

Not to mention, Ann Romney is a very wealthy stay at home mother who is afforded many luxuries that many other stay at home mothers do not have access to. According to Mitt Romney, if they aren’t as privileged as his wife, they should be working and putting their kids in childcare. This is classism at its finest…if you were born rich and wealthy, then your kids get, no, deserve, to have their mother stay home and receive quality family care. If you were born poor, well then, times are hard, better pick yourself up by your bootstraps and let someone else raise your kids while you go do the rich men’s dry cleaning for a minimum wage that still puts you below the poverty level at the end of the day. You could apply for assistance, but remember, even TANF, Temporary Assistance to Needy Families, is only good for so long. So hop to it. Maybe if you work hard enough and stay true to American values, you can get close to Romney’s $21 million income.

Good luck with that.

Romney, you are still 19% behind Obama in female voters. It’s not a coincidence. 

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Sleeping Schedules Suck

Piper has been a night baby ever since she was in utero. Sleep all day, up all night, usually the same schedule as us. She has been going to bed at 6-8am and waking at 3pm every day for a long time now. Her dad works 3:30pm-2am and I assume she keeps her schedule just to see him. I’ve tried and tried to switch her. I thought I has success today, she slept 11p-7:30a but then napped from 9:20-2p. Am I just screwed? Help me someone. I don’t know what to do.

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When I find out we are out of wine ...

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Yay!

I am officially done with my summer classes! Now, I can sit down, relax, and do crap for the next two weeks. I just love being a lazy slacker. So, now that I’m off of school for the next two weeks, you’ll probably hear more from me. Well, until fall classes start. hehe.

So, my teacher posted the final online. He said we had a hour time limit. Well being a stay-at-home mother, there really isn’t an hour in a day where I can do my exam in peace. I was going to wait until night when my husband can watch her, but since he’s flying out tomorrow, I wanted to use that time to spend time with him.

I tell her, “Mommy is going to do homework, so don’t bother me for a while ok?” She smiled and said, “Ok, Mommy”. She was good for a while, then about 20 minutes into the exam, it began. All I heard was “MOMMY!” I was proud of myself though, I didn’t freak out, or have a breakdown or anything. I just tried my best to do whatever she needed quickly. I had my phone’s timer set. I kept glancing at it, would freak out when I would see how fast the time was going by. Now, I can only hope for the best.

When I was done, I have discovered my daughter wearing about a million socks on each foot. She looks like she has boots on! The things she does…. I wonder why….

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Is it so hard just to enjoy a cup of coffee? I woke up at 7 and made a cup. Then remembered it was on the counter at 8:30 and proceeded to warm it up and forget it in the microwave a total of 4 times before nap time at noon!   Busy busy momma. 

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When I play with my kids in the snow...

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Stay-At-Home Mom

So some of my co-workers and I are stuck in our office all thanks to the flooding that has accumulated outside because of the rain. I’m not posting this because I am worried I might not get home early. Rather, I’m saying this as the causal factor in the situation that has allowed me the opportunity to post a new entry–one that I’ve been wanting to post for a while now since starting this. So yay! (I didn’t give in to you, 2 Fuse!)

Since I was a little girl, I’ve always dreamed of being a housewife. Hard that is to believe for some people, it is quite true. I always imagined I would someday spend my waking hours bringing the kids to school, sending my husband off to work, running errands, baking, cleaning, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, etc. I know, its not glamorous but the Martha-Stewart-esque life is the dream. To me, at least. 

(First reaction: WTF is your kid doing? Second reaction: Aaah what a life!)

But since I’m not made of money, I have to work at a desk from 9am - 7pm. Once in a while, though, I’m given the chance to get a feel of what a stay-at-home mom’s life would be when I take a leave from work whenever my baby and/or I feel unwell. 

CONCLUSION: It is hard, gurl. 

(Accurate photo is accurate)

Whenever I’m working at home, I do my best to be as hands-on with Meg as I can–feeding her, bathing her, playing with her, putting her to sleep, and all that. She can still be very demanding, though, even if she is already 10-months old. So working at the same time can be a little tricky–actually very tricky. This is how a normal day with Meg goes down: She wakes up at 6am, I change her diaper, I feed her breakfast, we go for a short stroll, I bathe her, she takes a nap, I prep my bath but she wakes up, I play with her, put her in her playpen, I whip out the laptop, she cries, I play with her a little more… lunch time comes around, I feed her, give her a bottle, she takes a nap again, I start writing the first paragraph of an article, she wakes up, thankfully she stays in her playpen a while, I write a sentence, she cries, I pick her up, finally I hand her over to our helper, finish my article, play with her until dinner, we both have dinner, I bathe her again, give her a bottle, soothe her to sleep, AND THEN I can finally take a bath. It gets to the point where peeing becomes somewhat of a luxury. 

(this is far too true)

I’m not sure if this scenario is the same for all moms–I’m sure it is–but I think its difficult for me because Meg doesn’t nap for very long. The longest she’s ever napped for was 2 hours and that only really happened once or twice. I can’t imagine what its like for moms who have more than one kid. 

All that being said, I will still continue to strive for that life even if it will continually give me UTI (because of holding my pee for too long). I would much rather be haggard at home with Meg than haggard somewhere else. Until then, this working mom will continue to work her ass off just to get that much-deserved time off I get to spend with Meg. 

And to all stay-at-home moms out there, I can finally say that I relate to this:

To moms who don’t seek the help of, well, helpers, what are you made of?!

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I think she likes that I’m not working.

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When someone tells you they ..just knew.. you were pregnant...

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And then there is the moms that do all this, plus go to work!

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Why?! Why?!

If you’ve read my blog, well ever, or if you know me, you know-I’ve been a stay at home mom for a long time.  Yes, I’ve worked here and there over the years-part time jobs.  Enough to earn a bit of pocket money.

I understand how lucky I am. I know what a privileged life I lead-I get it.  I know my ‘whining’ here will most likely sound like that of a ‘privileged, kept woman.’

SIDE NOTE: I hesitate to use the term kept woman, as I’m not Roy’s mistress….but he has jokingly called me a kept woman.

Anyways, I’m going to whine anyways.

So, Addi graduated from HS.  Hayden is in his last year of Middle school and Dean’s in fourth grade this year.  For the most part, I’m home alone.  Yes, we have the pups, we have the bird and Roy often works from home, but I’m not needed to be on mom duty for diaper changes, or nursing any longer.  So, when a job opportunity came up that I thought would be perfect for me, I jumped at it.  I asked Roy for help with my resume-ok, I asked him to help me create one, I poured over it, making sure it was right. Roy helped me edit it. And then I submitted it.

And I waited….with bated breath.  I carried my phone around with me EVERYWHERE.  Because I REALLY, REALLY want this job.  And when a few weeks went by and still no call, I figured I wasn’t a good fit. And I got down on myself.  I sat at my desk, staring at the computer and….nothing. I couldn’t think of anything to write about, I didn't’ want to work on a new book idea I’d come up with, because I was sure that whatever I had to say-just wasn’t quite good enough.

And then I got the call!

I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!!!!

I texted Roy as I was sitting in the doctor’s office with Hayden.  Hayden patted my knee and said congratulations.  I was thrilled.

And nervous.  So, the night before my interview Roy asked me some sample questions. He gave me tips on what employers are looking for (thank you honey!) and I’m so glad he did, as I was asked a few of the very same questions he threw at me. And on the day of my interview-I fixed my hair, I put on my makeup and I wore my ‘office clothes.’  I looked in the mirror and felt sure I looked the part.  Walking into the office, I felt confident and excited.  I’ve volunteered with this organization before-I know what they do, I believe in it.  I can do this!

“So, how’d you do?” Roy asked me as soon as I walked in the house.

“How’d it go, Mom?” Addi asked me when I walked up the stairs.

I told them I thought it went good. UNtil Roy asked what the next step was-I forgot to ask!  And I started to second guess my answers.  And I started to doubt myself again.

I looked in the mirror-this isn’t like me.  Sure, I there are some things I’m not good at, but speaking and sharing my passion isn’t one of them.  Yes, I don’t have as much experience as some, but I’m smart, I’m a quick learner.  Where did all the doubt come from?  And as I sit here waiting, and hoping to hear-I’m nervous. Did I say the wrong thing?  Did I give an answer that sounded ignorant?  Or off?  Did I talk too much?   Not enough?  Did I ask the wrong questions?  Not enough questions?

Roy and the older boys tell me to relax, they have faith-so should I. But at 43, am I silly for wanting to suddenly jump back into the work place?  My role as a wife and a mother is fulfilling. It makes me happy, am I asking too much?

The doubt creeps in….and it blows!

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This Is What I Want

All I want to be is a stay at home mom. I want to clean and decorate my home. I want to take care of my children and provide them with a loving and caring environment to grow up in. I want to knit, do yoga,read books and run errands. I want to be the mom involved in her children’s school work and after school activities. I want to support my husband in all that he does and help him every chance I can to make him the best man and father he can be. This is what I want and some how I feel guilty wanting this because women today are not supposed to want to be homemakers. This is who I want to be and who I will be if I am lucky enough.