alarakcplan

[alarakcplan]

“Of course I’m not mad about that!” she nearly shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. It was Alara’s turn to feel offended. She couldn’t believe Selin would actually think she had truly wanted to go home with Wes. That with the hindsight of sobriety and… well, sanity, she would be holding a grudge that her cousin cockblocked her going home with her ex. She felt no such thing and how dare her cousin actually take her actions at face value! She hadn’t even actually wanted to go home with Wes at all, even in her inebriated state, that had never actually occurred to her. 

What she had wanted was distraction—something, someone, anything to pull her away from the weight of her own grief. And Wes had just happened to be there.

But then the deeper truth came crashing in. The real reason behind her actions that night. Alara had been on a self-destructive spiral—and flirting with her cousin’s ex had been just another reckless attempt to feel something. As she admitted that to herself, it was like a dam broke. The pressure she’d been bottling up for weeks—months—burst through, and tears sprang hot to her eyes.

“Look, Selin,” she said, voice trembling, the last vestiges of her unjustified anger crumbling away, “did we honestly ever think I was going to be the bigger person?” She sighed, shoulders slumping as the last of her energy seemed to drain away, her voice thick with self-loathing. 

She sank back down onto the bench she’d just stood up from, the fight gone from her body. A single tear escaped down her cheek, and she wiped it away roughly.

“I can’t believe I did that,” she whispered. “I wasn’t trying to make a pass at Wes. I was—” She broke off, swallowing hard as fresh tears threatened to choke her. “The thought of celebrating Yılbaşı without benim babam was unbearable. I know you knew I wasn’t doing well, but I was worse than anyone realized. And in that darkness, I got scared—” She paused again, pushing through the instinct to keep it all hidden. “I was terrified of loving someone the way I loved him. Of losing someone I cared about that much again.”

She glanced up at Selin, her expression raw, ashamed, but honest. “I was trying to push you away—the same way I pushed Emil. I thought if I hurt you first, if I damaged our relationship beyond compare now instead of further along, then maybe it would hurt less."

Her voice cracked completely now, and she had to force the words out.

“I can’t—” She stopped, swallowed, and tried again. “I can’t handle the thought of losing you too, Selin.”

Finally, her eyes met her cousin’s. “I just… couldn’t. And that terrified me. Knowing how much I need you. Especially now that benim babam is gone. I knew I’d become even more dependent on you, and if I lost you too…”

She shook her head, unable to finish the sentence. But the look in her eyes said the rest.

Selin was waiting for an heartfelt and genuine apology from her cousin. How could she not give her that? After everything? But there was also no surprise when it didn't come because she understood the internal battle that Alara needed to have in order to put her pride aside and apologize. It didn't come naturally. It was a learnt skill that often times felt more like pulling teeth. It was in their nature to simply shove things under the rug and move on without addressing them.

However, she wouldn't allow her to brush it aside. Nope— Selin deserved an apology.

Now, if things were reversed, she couldn't be certain that she would have been so keen on apologizing but she wasn't in that situation, and frankly, she liked to think she wouldn't ever do as Alara had.

At least not to her. Not to the people she cared for most.

"Of course you did," she rolled her eyes and looked off in an attempt to keep her own anger and frustration at bay. It was an odd place to be with Alara and she didn't know how to fix or navigate it since it was so unlike them to argue or even have a disagreement. There were moments where she'd felt more like a sister to Alara than she had Leyla.

"Affedersin? Are you insane?" This had to be some kind of joke, but the fact that she would have reacted the same didn't dawn on her immediately. They'd been so similar and it was why they'd been so close but she hadn't realize until now how horrible their semblance could be.

"How do you figure I should have started this? If I remember correctly, I haven't do anything wrong? Unless..." She paused to look over her cousin as if it just dawned on her at this very moment. "Are you angry that I didn't let you go home with Wes?" Deep down, she knew that wasn't the case and this was just another method to deflect but she couldn't help the words. It was like adding gasoline to a flame and Selin couldn't help but want to watch it all burn down. Anger came easier than vulnerability.

Her head shook and she laughed coldly. "Go fuck him, then." Even if she didn't mean her words, Selin wouldn't ever be caught dead fighting over a man she wasn't even with.

[alarakcplan]

At the sound of the newcomer’s voice, Alara spun around—and immediately raised a brow when she saw who it was. Of all people, she’d managed to grab his drink by mistake. “Lucas Attean,” she said, a slow smile spreading across her face, eyes sparkling with mischief like fate had just handed her a gift. Sahra had told her about their kiss. And now, here he was—offering Alara the perfect opportunity to feel him out for herself. It would’ve been rude to pass it up.

“I wouldn’t say dread,” she replied, holding up the cup with a teasing look. “But it’s definitely not my matcha latte.” She gave a light laugh, then added, “Although, if we’re being honest… is there really a difference?” Her tone was playful, punctuated with a conspiratorial wink—as if to say, yes, I know matcha tastes like dirt and I drink it anyway.

“Sorry about the mix-up,” she continued easily. “Let me make it up to you—how about I buy you a new one? Gives us a chance to catch up. I’d love to hear how you’ve been.”

Lucas had lost track of time, scrolling through comments on his page. There were the ones that recognized the pride in his work, though there was the negative comment sprinkled in there that cause him to clench his jaw. It wasn't until someone mentioned grabbing the wrong drink that he looked up, "Did it taste like dread?" He quipped, catching the sight of the familiar face. "Because that might be mine. Sorry, Alara," he grinned at her, "No one should have to suffer through that." Lucas stepped forward, "Or did you just have no better way to get my attention?" He teased her with mischief dancing in his eyes. @alarakcplan

[alarakcplan]

three people you want to smooch?

I mean, obviously Cem, since we're dating and all and even if we weren't, Mateo, and Enzo. @cemcerkez @mateosal @enzoadeluca

[alarakcplan]

If you took someone on a ride with you for one full day at work, who do you think would fair the best, and who do you think would give you the biggest headache?

I think Civan would do the best, obviously! Cause I know we'd work well together, it's just a matter of if he would be able to take orders from me😈And worst? Maybe Sahra, just bc she'd be too busy chatting up the hot patients and getting in the way🤦🏼‍♀️ @civanguneri @sahrademir

[alarakcplan]

👐 how do you really feel about your ex dating your friend?

I mean, truthfully, it sucks. But only cause I didn't do the emotional work to get over him properly. Any other ex, I wouldn't really care. @emilmoreno @lia-lozano

[alarakcplan]

Out of everyone you fucked over, whos broken heart affected you the least?

Well, this feels pointed... I know I present as this cold hearted bitch, but I truly don't take lightly the relationships I have messed up over the years. And I know there's many. Despite what most might think, I don't actually like hurting people.

[alarakcplan]

SNOG MARRY PIE — emil, mateo, cem

Snog Emil because again, kissing him goodbye and all that. Marry Cem because honestly, there are far worse people I could tie myself to for the rest of my life, and pie Mateo cause I wouldn't mind licking it off him. @emilmoreno @cemcerkez @mateosal

[alarakcplan]

👐 is there anyone you wouldn’t rush to if you were dispatched to their address for a medical emergency?

Off the record, right? I'm not trying to get fired. Right now, it'd probably be Enzo. He's made it perfectly clear that he wouldn't want my help. @enzoadeluca

[alarakcplan]

What are your favorite and least favorite things about Selin & Leyla?

Favorite thing about Selin is that she truly understands me, unlike anyone else ever has. She's my other half. Favorite thing about Leyla is that she's probably the funniest person I know, even when she's not trying to be. Least favorite thing about Selin is that, like me, she is far too stubborn for her own good. But it's only a problem when she's stubborn with me, everybody else she can be stubborn with. Least favorite thing about Leyla... well, just that she's so perfect. She's always been everybody's favorite and it's beyond frustrating to constantly be compared to that. @selinymaz @leylayilmz

[alarakcplan]

If you could have a ONS with anyone, no consequences, just for pure fun, who are your top three? 😉

Enzo, because, well... JUST BECAUSE OKAY. Mateo, because we're both up at all hours of the night together anyways, might as well make it enjoyable, right? And Elena, because if there's no consequences, it couldn't mess up our dynamic any more than it already is and there's just truly something about biker babes that does it for me. Honorable mention goes to Cem for research purposes, y'know? @enzoadeluca @mateosal @elenaduarte @cemcerkez

[alarakcplan]

👐 fmk + emil, enzo, cem

Allah, Allah!!! You people are truly crazy! Fuck Enzo because 😏😏 Marry Cem because I don’t think I’d mind waking up to his face every morning and then at least my grandparents would be able to die happy. And I guess kiss Emil goodbye and wish him nothing but the best with Lia. @enzoadeluca @cemcerkez @emilmoreno @lia-lozano

[alarakcplan]

Is Nate the best neighbour ever?

"If by best you mean he's the best free pizza supplier, then yep! Definitely the best!" @nate-strauss

[alarakcplan]

ALARA | CAM | SHANE | VAL

My muse is under an honesty spell for one hour.

Send 👐+ any question you wish to ask my muse. They will have no choice but to answer truthfully.

[alarakcplan]

She didn’t notice anyone approaching at first—her alcohol-hazed brain was too preoccupied with the singular goal of retrieving her phone and somehow managing not to topple over in her heels. The gravel beneath her feet only made the task more difficult, forcing her to focus entirely on staying upright.

It wasn’t until his voice cut through the muffled noise from inside the bar and the distant crash of waves that she even realized she was no longer alone. She didn’t look up right away. Instead, she took a breath—trying to gather what little composure she could—before slowly turning in his direction, just as she finally managed to stand to her full, albeit wobbly, height.

And then she saw him.

Emil.

Here. At Golden Hour.

The sight of him—windswept hair, steady gaze—sent a wave of memories crashing over her. A sharp pang bloomed in her chest. She’d told Lia at the Spring Fling that she owed Emil an apology for how she’d ended things between them. She’d even meant it.

But now, with him standing right in front of her—this perfect opportunity dropped into her lap—Alara found herself hesitating. Uncertain.

If she explained herself, if she apologized for how she had ended things, it would effectively be the last thing she needed to say to him. She’d have no reason to maintain contact after. Because deep down, Alara knew she couldn’t handle being casual friends with him right now. It was still too painful. And the fact that she would be shutting the door on that hurt too. 

Realizing she’d been staring at him too long, Alara gave a small shake of her head, trying to snap herself out of the fog.

“Sorry. Umm…” She glanced down at her phone, checking the screen. “Seems no worse for wear, çok şükür.”

Right on cue, as if rescuing her from the awkwardness of her own thoughts, Hercules trotted over and nudged her hand with his snout, demanding attention. Grateful for the distraction, Alara crouched to pet him—a bold move, given how unsteady she’d just been.

“Hey there, good boy,” she murmured softly, fingers ruffling his fur. “He’s gotten big,” she added, glancing up at Emil with a tentative, uncertain smile.

Though for a time The Golden Hour had been a little haunted by the ghost of Alara's laughter, in her absence, the bar had still managed to end up keeping its ranking as his personal favorite. Partly because it was close to home and the beach backdrop and outdoor seating was dog friendly, so he could go drown his stress in a drink and still have his four-legged best friend along. They were a pair that night, Emil was ragged— still overworking, aiming for some imaginary number on his paycheck that made him feel invincible in the face of anything the court might throw his way. Hercules on the other hand was a few paces ahead, a blur of black and white thick fur. Excited for the attention he was generally guaranteed by the bar patrons. He wasn't fully aware of himself when he approached, his brain loaded like an old Windows 93 computer. There was just a feminine figure, a familiar head of hair that Emil wasn't entirely assured of until it was too late. "You a'ight over there?" The question filled the space, spoken before realization dawned on him and once again he was struck stupid. Nearly forgetting how to breathe. "Oh, I... Hey!" Seriously?! 'Hey' Emiliano mentally kicked himself. Soft blues followed her hand, putting two and two together. "It's not cracked is it?"

[alarakcplan]

Her lips quirked up in relief as Pinar remembered what she was talking about. The last thing she needed was to come off like a creeper to Cem’s sister. For a second, longer than Alara was comfortable with, she realized she found herself actually worrying about the situation as if she were Cem’s girlfriend, meeting his sister for the first time. She needed to be careful, lines were far too easily blurred when it came to Cem and she needed to keep her eyes on the reality of their situation. 

Which was that this was all a show. 

“I remember feeling like a monkey on display, if I’m honest.” She admitted, speaking of their actual initial introduction. She loved her grandparents, but they were far too concerned with appearances, connections, and climbing the social ladder. 

The relief she’d felt quickly dissipated at Pinar’s statement, although it felt like it was more of a question. What on earth was she supposed to say? “We-um… well, we kinda kept things very low key for a while, trying to figure out what things were between us before we told anyone. So I could see how it would look like we’re quite serious now that we're all of a sudden out and about together.” 

She nervously brushed her hair out of her face, as she tried to figure out how to change the topic of conversation. She really needed to talk to Cem about what they were telling people. “So how are you finding Briar Ridge? Cem said you recently moved.” 

Pinar tilted her head slightly, a small and amused smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. The brunette knew that there was a fine line that Alara was dancing on with surprising grace. She didn't know what was held on either side. Panic and politeness? Pinar didn't have enough time to speculate as Alara continued on.

"I thought that might be you," she said with a warm tone. "I do vaguely remember those visits." It had been quite some time ago and so much had changed in Pinar's own life. Though, it was not a life that Pinar could ever call her own after she was set up to be married. It was a life that was never hers until she made the decision to take her and her daughter away and bring them both to Briar Ridge.

There was a moment of silence, the slight breeze pushing past them. "I didn't realize you and Cem were," she paused, "serious." The word came carefully and it wasn't filled with judgement. "He hasn't said much." Which was not entirely surprisingly knowing her brother. He tended to have the emotional transparency of a locked safe. Though, standing in front of Alara, the other woman just didn't scream new girlfriend to her and her years of experience as a lawyer had her wanting to pick apart the narrative. However, she refrained, knowing she didn't have all the information necessary to do so. @alarakcplan

[alarakcplan]

She shook her head quickly, as if to dispel the thought. "I'm really not asking for anything, Lia." She paused, she knew there was nothing left to say or do. At least not to Lia. "Just time, I guess. But really, that's it."

When Lia reached out to give her hand a gentle squeeze—a physical olive branch—Alara felt her heart tighten. She knew this couldn't be easy for Lia either, but despite the awkwardness, she was offering kindness. And Alara was grateful for it.

"I haven't," she admitted. "To be fair, I know I at least owe him an…" She stopped, swallowing hard as if steeling herself to say the word out loud. It went against so much of the persona she had carefully crafted over the years. But after months of misery and self-imposed isolation, Alara knew she had to face her choices head-on. "I know I owe him an apology for how I handled things. So I'm trying to find a way to do that soon."

She bit her lip, briefly lost in thought, wondering how that conversation would even go—if he would even care to hear her out. But Lia’s question pulled her back to the present. She opened her mouth, ready to fire off a quick, automatic Of course not!—but the compassion Lia had shown made her pause. The least she could offer in return was her honesty. It spoke volumes of their friendship that she would even think of being vulnerable like this.

Keeping her gaze on the basket in front of them, she finally spoke. "I don’t think I ever stopped loving him when I left. I just forced myself to move on—threw myself into a new life, new people—but I never actually stopped to sit with the heartbreak and let myself get over it."

Slowly, almost hesitantly, as if afraid of what she might find there, Alara lifted her gaze to meet Lia's. "So I’m working on doing that now." She hoped Lia understood that she was trying—that she didn’t want to cause her friend any pain or trouble. She had seen how happy Lia made Emil at New Year’s, and the last thing she wanted was to cast a shadow over that.

It was the strangest thing really, to go from a break up because her ex had slept with her friend, to then finding out the man she was now seeing had been in a relationship with one of them, but maybe this was just her luck. "I feel like if you need to ask for something, Lary, then you need to do it. You might not be doing it, but if you need to, then you should." She didn't know what Alara might ask if she did ask for anything, but the thought had her stomach clenching.

She listened as her friend spoke, her fingers keeping busy with braiding a few strands of ribbon together to make some kind of braided unicorn rainbow they could use on their basket. "Have you ever told him any of this? Just out of interest." She wasn't sure she should, but after dropping the braided ribbon into her lap, Lia reached across and gently squeezed Alara's hand, knowing that this wasn't going to be an easy conversation for her.

She cared about Alara, there was a time where Lia couldn't have really made it through life without her friend having taken her under her wing but feeling how distant they now were was painful. "If you need space, I'll obviously step away and give you that, but.. Lary, I hate that you're hurting and that I'm a part of it. I never wanted to hurt you and if I'd have known when I met him.." She trailed off. After everything she had been through, Emil really had begun to heal the hole that been punched into her heart. "Do you still love him?"

[alarakcplan]

The brunette's brows knit in confusion at the mention of Cem. It took her longer than it should have to remember that as far as the world was concerned, she and Cem were a happy couple now. She didn’t dare admit—even to herself—that seeing Enzo again, after so long spent avoiding him, had thrown her this off balance.

Her confusion turned to anger as he continued speaking. She had nothing to be so petty over. He was the one who had rejected her, for pete's sake! "For your information, Cem is pretending to be my boyfriend so that my grandparents will get off my back." She explained, tone terse and voice low with barely contained anger that she used as a shield to cover her embarrassment.

Everything about this situation was embarrassing. From admitting she'd had to employ a friend to be her fake boyfriend, to standing in front of the man she'd quite literally thrown herself at at New Year's. Why did Allah want to humiliate her?

Folding her arms over her chest, as if to protect herself from further hits to her ego, she bit out. "Besides, after New Year's, I didn't think you cared who I was or wasn't seeing?"

Enzo blinked through the cloud of red powder now coating his shirt, the colour spreading across his chest like a target or even a warning label. He didn’t need to look up to know who’d thrown it—he’d recognized Alara's laugh even before she stopped short in front of him. And then, just like that, there she was.

His heart did something stupid in his chest, like it hadn’t gotten the memo that she was both angry and off-limits now. Seeing her again hit harder than the gulal, especially with that edge in her voice, the one she always used when she was feeling defensive.

“Well, damn,” Enzo muttered, brushing a bit of powder off like it could possibly help. “Red, huh? Shouldn’t you be saving that one for Cem?” The man's name came out a little too sharp, but he didn’t bother softening it. "You seem a little bitter for somebody who's supposed to be in the honeymoon phase."