albafic - Tumblr blog

[albafic]

I love you, I really love you, but I don't know what the hell I'm trying to fall in love with, I'm terrible for any love affair, I can't say I love you, I don't know how to give hugs, I don't know how to motivate, it's hard for me to show any kind of affection , and above all I find it hard to believe that someone like you, someone who lights up the day just by smiling at the sun, someone who is always motivated and is very affectionate, can fixate on someone like me, a being so frivolous that when he feels wrong, for some strange reason the sky cries, screams and explodes, that boy who unconsciously pities his relatives, the one who is unable to say I love you even for a message.

I cry and curse the one who locked me in a steel breastplate, the one who chained me to a mast without beginning or end and said it was for my good, that damned one who goes around pretending to be me but it really comes out of shit, the one who is in charge of ending and destroying my strength, dreams and hopes, the one who only finds peace in drugs, anxiolytics and alcohol, the one who is having sex with almost any guy who stands in front of him when he feels bad or He is sad, to feel better and forget the loneliness that he himself causes, that idiot that his mother abandoned for being different, that boy who thinks he is strong, but really is more fragile than the petals of a flower in the middle of the holocaust, I curse myself and my bloody martyrdom.

[albafic]

Estoy cansado de ocultar lo que siento, cansado de saber que mi madre es una maldita egoísta y le importa el resto del mundo menos yo, me cansé de estudiar en la tarde y trabajar en la mañana, me cansé de dormir 4 horas al día, de llorar en la ducha cada que no puedo más, de saber que no cuento con mis amigos para desahogarme por qué problamente le cuenten a medio mundo, me cansé de no saber que hacer de mi vida, me cansé de tener que dorgarme con café y tabaco para aguantar mi día, de tener que usar LSD para poder sentirme bien y tener un momento de paz y tranquilidad donde mi realidad se distorsiona y puedo viajar a casi cualquier lado, me cansé de estudiar y trabajar para tratar de lograr que mi madre se sintiera orgullosa de mí y por lo menos una vez me lo dijera; pero nunca es así, al contrario para ella nunca seré suficiente, me canse de mi mismo y justo ahora me cuestiono mucho si realmente vale la pena estar aquí o tratar de darlo todo a cambio de la aprobación de mi madre.