Last Seen Blogs
elizaleone3
Eliza's Imaginary Adventures
subbodyswap
Untitled
asterihsm
www.rugsluxury.co.uk
zuzu-3467
zuzu
Text
“Are you busy tonight?”
“Nope”
“Wanna go to [place that I’ve been meaning to go for ages]”
“What time? I have a class LOL”
I need to be genuinely fucking executed, for all that fucking sobbing I did about not having had friends and how much I value them, I sure have a stupid fucking way of showing it. Maybe it was for the best that I didn’t have many friends since I clearly don’t know how to talk and interact with them I honestly should be fucking shot in the back of my head
0 notes
Text
I think we’ve established that I do not have any kind of non platonic interest in z however. My interactions with them and their influence needs to be studied because every time I talk to them either my day gets sm better that I’m skipping public transport and taking walks and being actually happy for once, or I get so sad that I have a meltdown in my bed hoping Jake doesn’t hear. I don’t think platonic OR romantic attraction constitutes either of these, in fact, I might just be fucking stupid. Maybe it’s genuine envy combined with awe and affection maybe it’s condescension I don’t fucking know I’m a horrible person I hope I don’t wake up in the morning and stay that way forever
0 notes
Text
Man why the fuck do I look like this. I look like a mistake, I’m gonna try cutting my calorie amount a bit more or try working out more because genuinely what the fuck how do I still not look good in pictures, I’ve gotten better with my skincare, I take better care of my hair, I brush my teeth way more, what do I even do anymore. I’ve obviously not polished myself just enough yet to look Very nice but I’d like to look better at the least
0 notes
Text
I’m literally never happy these days lmfao I don’t get it. I wasn’t like this before college I had my moments but it wasn’t like this :/ I am happy during those exceptional times when I see Zann or Katie although sometimes Katie herself is going through a lil something and I can only empathise
I was walking down union sq today and some fucking guy I don’t even know I didn’t turn but they threw… something? At me, liquid and cold. It felt SO gross but I kept walking like nothing happened I didn’t so much as turn and see what it was let alone report it to the nypd car right next to me or say something
I’m tired
0 notes
Text
Can I not interrupt my friends for ONE minute? Holy shit I should just shut the fuck up “boo hoo I can’t talk to people” yea for good reason too let’s keep it that way
0 notes
Text
Meeting friends goes one of two ways either I love myself and life so much that u choose to take a walk home because I want to experience as much as I can. Or I curl up in bed blast music into my empty ugly fucking head and cry hoping Jake just thinks I’m sleeping. I can’t do this I shouldn’t exist I wasn’t meant to exist I’ve only ruined things ever since I’ve been born. I. I was at Zs place today with K, seeing the two of them function is surreal, being in a place she’s curated and tailored to herself and watching her be within it is just. I wish I was more like her. I’ve never felt so violently out of place before, it was like being a housefly at a dish being served at Carbone. Even if I did have a place like that, even if I were beautiful and skilled at my craft and everything she is. I’ll still be me, I could never exist in a place as beautiful as nice as that. I’m inherently meant for bad, I’m not good enough of a person to deserve any of it, I’ll never fit in even if I have everything. It’ll never be enough because I’ll still be me. I should’ve never been born and if I’m not going to kill myself im going to reduce having my friends to deal with me. They’re good people they deserve everything /and more. Not me, they deserve better friends, good friends who can talk, listen, laugh, comfort, are good people. They shouldn’t have to tolerate me and have to deal with me
0 notes
Text
I’m alone and further away from parents than I could ever be and I still can’t dress the way I want or be the way IN PRIVATE I want bc I’m living with roommates. They aren’t bad it’s just. They aren’t the type that I’d be comfortable doing this around.. I don’t think anyone is really. So unless I can find Any apartment that’s cheaper than… this and lets me be alone then I wouldn’t be able to express myself once even in the short time that college lasts. If I don’t get a job and succeed then I won’t be able to stay here and almost certainly will have to pick between staying with parents and killing myself in a couple years or staying alone but in Delhi which is about the same thing. Ofc either of those I won’t be able to be myself at all and I’ll have a ton of fun paying off the USD loan. There’s so much that needs to go perfectly well for this life to work out. And it’s all up to me. And if I fail? I’m almost definitely killing myself before 30 lol
0 notes
Text
I’m such a petty whiny bitch boo boo I’m so privileged what could possibly be worse. I feel like I’d hate myself beyond measure if I met myself
0 notes
Text
Suicidal one week into college is crazy 😭 where’s the work that’s supposed to keep me too stressed and busy to think and I’M FUCKING COLD UGH I. Why am I like this why couldn’t I just be a different person or like not exist or ugh im stupid I don’t know what to do at the simplest things I’m so sorry I just want to be nice and likeable I should’ve never been born. And why the fuck do half the restaurants not even have calorie counts I’m fucking fed up of Taco Bell every single fucking day I want to die I can’t do anything I’m stupid, ugly, fat and incapable of anything
0 notes
Text
If I don’t get a job in the US or some similar nicer country that’s far far away from India then I’m practically fucked for life. In India I refuse to work in Delhi and the best design roles are gonna be in Delhi or Mumbai. If I live in Mumbai I’ll have to live with mum and dad bc if I don’t they’ll have a million questions and objections against it and of course being in India alone makes it fucking impossible for me to ever really even consider expressing myself let alone transitioning. You’d think with a pressure like that I’d be better at the professional thing but my classmates have long winding resumes which are clearly from HS with the odd jobs and the ECs but even THOSE are better than what I have. No ECs, mediocre portfolio at best, no past work experience. Partly I am to blame yes but man. I can’t live with my parents I can’t, I’ll actually kill myself sooner or later, I can’t even control something as simple as my diet. The stupid, tasteless fucking meal we had in goa today, I’m way above my calorie limit and I’ve already gotten fatter and uglier and my hairs thinned and I’ve barely gotten any work done since I’m back living with them. I can’t live like this. I can’t work, I can’t read, I can’t even rest. The stupid fucking restaurant had unnecessarily loud music, bad music, live of course, sung by someone who id strangle to keep quiet if I could. Amidst that the food was extremely overpriced, extremely high in calorie, fats and carbs and of course. As Mediocre as it gets. Tourist trap bullshit. I have worked out in the past but it doesn’t help when everyone eats like this here. You’d think they’d figure out their diet was an issue considering not one person in this entire fucking family has a healthy bfp or weight or anything but nooooo Indian diet reigns supreme!! Why?? Fuck all that’s why. And you know what. I know what I sound like, I sound like some fatphobic ungrateful asshole who is complaining about being on vacation and can’t work to save their life and blames everything on anything other than themselves. I won’t try to explain myself, part of that is true, I am a horrible person for feeling like this but I didn’t choose to feel like this, I know this isn’t good but I didn’t consciously choose to be so incredibly petty about everything. It would all be better if I never existed if I just passed away of natural causes in my sleep. I just want to be happy, even a little. I want to be a good person, an attractive, smart and successful person. I hate them and I hate myself and I don’t want to feel any of this this isn’t right
0 notes
Text
I wish I was physically incapable of talking. People I love would probably be better off
0 notes
Text
I know I’ve got good genetics but I also do have—however unfortunate may it be— testosterone running through me, and honestly, I think I’d unironically slash srs kill myself if I ever start to lose hair before like my 70s or something. It’s all I have going for me rlly
0 notes
Text
Something fundamentally wrong with how I can’t even take a joke from my friends about something stupid and harmless that I don’t even care about and end up making them think like they owe me an apology. So I can’t help them when they’re upset and make them upset over nothing for no reason
I’m so fucking done, they deserve better
0 notes
Text
Maybe my dislike isn’t well founded maybe I’m just spoilt and fuck up everything I’m entrusted with including the people I love. She’s probably right I’m so fucking stupid
0 notes
Text
Decided to sit down and talk out loud about how I rlly feel regarding z bc parents aren’t here and they can’t judge me for talking out loud to someone that’s not here. I conclude that I’m confused between wanting to be like z and liking her but I would NOT recommend voicing thoughts out loud like this it makes u cry loud
0 notes
Text
It makes me so happy when super pretty and talented ppl from my older classes dm me nice things on Instagram hehehe like it’s a little pathetic but pls I get so happy like omg ur actually skilled and u think IM skilled?????????? Enough that even though we’ve spoken maybe twice the entire semester you still dm me???? Let’s become best friends!!!!
0 notes