alchemistdoctor

[alchemistdoctor]

Mythbusters ended too soon. I feel like The Cask Of Amontillado is exactly the myth they would have tested.

Like, figuring out how long it takes the mortar to dry. Finding the maximum amount of time before knocking down a recently built brick wall. Establishing the best place on a recently bricked wall to topple it and escape.

And then, doing all of that while drunk.

Mythbusters, you left us too soon.

[alchemistdoctor]

Couple + Sibling/relative third wheel is honestly an S-tier trio dynamic and I wish we saw more of this in media.

"You are my soulmate. We are forged together by battle and tears and love. Also my brother's coming along."

"Yo."

[alchemistdoctor]

for a while now i’ve been learning that some people kind of choose to hate themselves like you can give them tools and resources and advice and they’ll even follow some of it and go “i still hate myself” and i feel strongly at that point they’re kind of choosing to stay in that mindset because it’s comfortable and familiar or something but some people are truly [gotye voice] addicted to a certain kind of sadness and hooked on feeling low

[alchemistdoctor]

Was reading Rumpelstiltskin to my daughter and

Hey buddy your yarn seems to be... Turning into your drive band?

I did a reverse image search to see if I could find the art online instead of having to rely on my phone camera and alas. But I did find more spinning crimes. Now English isn't my first language so some of the terms might be off so forgive me.

No way you're hitting that treadle, buddy. I guess this is a cooperative effort. I do like the shiny spools.

Angle of the thread seems a bit off (it's going straight onto the spool instead of through an orifice?), but other than that this one looks pretty good. We've got a treadle, drive band, flyer, even a distaff.

Surely turning straw into gold couldn't have been some kind of metaphor. Rumple's got straight currency for you. Straight off the drive band. Even though he's also holding a thread.

This jolly boy's got an interesting long draw technique going on. Also can't reach the treadle. The artist got all the spinning wheel parts but didn't quite manage to put them together.

Hey, a walking wheel! But it's missing a spindle, instead putting the yarn straight onto the whorl.

Yeah I've got nothing

[alchemistdoctor]

picketing terf conferences is OUT, releasing 6000 live crickets into the audience of a terf conference and watching chaos erupt as everyone scrambles to evacuate is IN

[alchemistdoctor]

me: “yeah I dated a guy in high school who came out as gay. it was before i knew i was a boy so needless to say it didn’t work out”

coworker: “damn dude was preordering”

[alchemistdoctor]

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,

[alchemistdoctor]

Fucking killer story map from NPR. A+++

[alchemistdoctor]

My little brother had a minor speech impediment and it has led to permanent vocabulary such as

'schtfinxct' (sphinx)

'bub-ub-ub' (helicopter or motorcycle, depending)

'there's nobody to fight with' (a complaint my other brother had gone to summer camp)

'meanie moo cow pants' (we weren't allowed to swear. This was my childhood equivalent of "you bitch whore")

working with little kids is so dangerous. you get one kid who has a unique way of speaking & then spend the rest of your life with an internal monologue like “me’s go bathroom?”

[alchemistdoctor]

[alchemistdoctor]

The SS Warrimoo, a passenger steamship traveling from Vancouver to Australia, was silently knifing its way across the mid-Pacific waters. The navigator had just finished calculating a star fix and handed the results to Captain John DS. Phillips.

The Warrimoo's coordinates were LAT 0º 31' N, LONG 179 30' W. The date was December 31, 1899. "Know what this means?" First Mate Payton announced, "We're only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line."

Captain Phillips was prankish enough to seize the opportunity to do the nautical feat of a lifetime. He summoned his navigators to the bridge to double-check the ship's position. He altered his course slightly to focus directly on his target. He then altered the engine's speed.

The calm weather and clear night worked to his advantage. At midnight, the SS Warrimoo rested on the Equator, exactly where it had crossed the International Date Line. The ramifications of this odd arrangement were numerous.

The ship's bow was in the Southern Hemisphere, in the middle of summer. The stern was in the Northern Hemisphere, in the midst of winter. The date on the aft portion of the ship was December 31, 1899. The date on the forward half of the ship was January 1, 1900. The ship experienced multiple days, months, years, seasons, and centuries simultaneously.

[alchemistdoctor]

just because someone is your favorite character doesnt mean theyd have the same moral alignment as you. wheatley from portal wouldnt say "my pronouns are he/him, thank you for asking!" hed say "what uhh. what does that mean. um. you mean the nouns im most "pro" at is that what youre saying? i like to think im pretty pro,, at all nouns really. umm lets see... apple, kazoo, bubble, happy, door, umm... cake. not too fond of cake really i think its alright but. not my Favorite. if it were up to me though id eat a whole cake in one sitting. if i were a human. not a human, clearly. also not sure if id, know what cake even tastes like. if i tried it. no tastebuds. no Mouth... no. hole. anywhere on my body. haha um,, well anyways id. id say im pretty Pro Nouns. dont see why anyone wouldnt be... what? you mean what i Go By? what do you. ohhhh. ummm. the male ones. the male pronouns. if i can remember what they are... definitely the ones for guys. manly men. like me. pretty sure im a man,,," and you need to accept this

[alchemistdoctor]

“He would not fucking say that” except its the badly written source material so he did, in fact, say that

[alchemistdoctor]

actually can we have Tim not being adopted into the batfamily and instead after his parents go broke and then die leaving him with nothing he just decides ‘well i know where the batcave is’ and starts living in the tunnels underneath Wayne manor because of the logic that he can’t get kicked out bcs 1. squatters rights and 2. whats Bruce gonna do? call the police and say ‘this guy won’t leave my secret lair. no im not Batman wdym’? and he manages to go unnoticed for like. a good fucking while. not even Alfred realises bcs wtf would he be snooping around down there for?

even better is this happens after Jason dies so Tim still becomes Robin and Bruce is so overwhelmed with grief that he literally never realises that Tim has never once used the front door to come over. he just kinda sneaks up from somewhere in the cave. he assumes that Alfred’s letting the kid in without telling him. Alfred assumes Bruce is doing the same.

Damian finds out first because that’s so much funnier. he gets to Gotham to 1. gain his birthright and meet his father and 2. do some reconnaissance/avenging of this replacement Robin that’s been the centre of Jason’s angry rants at the league for the past 6 months. he follows Tim ‘home’ and finds him fucking. golluming it up a 15 minute hike through the cave system and he’s like. wait what.

Damian, reporting back to Jason: Drake is a mole.

Jason, vindicated: like he’s working for the enemy?!

Damian, standing in front of an indignant Tim in the middle of his ‘camp’, phone pressed to his ear: no like he lives in a fucking tunnel.

Jason:

Tim, mumbling: slightly harsh,

Damian, angling his face away from the phone momentarily: i watched you dig a hole to unearth the protein bars you’d buried there.

Tim:

Jason, rapidly changing his opinion on this kid: ok actually lets not kill him because thats fucking hysterical and i want to know more-

Tim really likes living alone in the tunnels because he’s a weird little guy and he’s gotten used to the independence and lack of sun, and Damian grew up in the league where ‘wilderness training’ was monthly, mandatory, and from the age of three. so he really doesn’t see the issue in it. he just kinda shrugs and accepts his brother lives in the cave system. Jason is so delighted and amused by the vibes these two kids have going on over in Gotham (he gets video calls from Damian just. in Tim’s camp while they hang out together sometimes. Damian brings him water bottles and various sustenance offerings like he’s appealing so some ancient deity living under their house. Jason thinks it’s incredible) that he decides fuck the league, he needs to see this in person. killing the Joker is a side quest he did on the way; he really only came to see what his idiot little brothers had going on under Bruce, Dick and Alfreds nose. he visits Tim’s little cave home while waiting for his new Crime Alley apartment to be ready.

eventually Bruce and Dick are working on a case and they’re following a lead to do with a criminal escaping via cave systems that they theorise may connect to the batcave, so after Damian’s gone to bed they suit up and start searching around. they come across Damian, Tim, and the fucking Red Hood chilling around a small fire just casually eating leftovers Damian snuck down from the kitchen, just quietly enjoying each others presence in this clearly years old campsite, quietly discussing whether or not the weather will be clear enough next week to go to the new art museum together. Dick shines a flashlight at them and they all snap to attention like that scene in ratatouille where the human comes in the kitchen and the rats all freeze and look up. nobody says anything for a solid three minutes.

eventually Tim is just like “I have squatters rights. you can’t evict me.” and Red Hood nods and points at him.

Bruce, desperate to gain some kind of thread of understanding here: “Damian, you’re supposed to be in bed. …Tim, I’m actually not sure where you’re supposed to be, come to think of it, but I don’t think it’s here.”

“He just said he has squatters rights, father.” Damian responds instantly. “Keep up.”

Dick: “And does the Red Hood have squatters rights?”

“I have a gun,” Jason points out cheerfully. “Same thing, ain’t it?”

Dick and Bruce are so confused they become convinced that they’ve been dosed with something and only figure out whats going on after putting on gas masks and testing everybody’s blood.

[alchemistdoctor]

//venting

dude I can’t believe this 2 of these little monkeys already fell off the bed AND bumped their heads after I wagged my finger at them and told them, verbatim, “no more jumping on the bed” I even called the doctor and he told me the exact same thing they don’t listen to me when I fucking talk I hate this fucking place

[alchemistdoctor]

https://www.inaturalist.org/observations/162471615

This is my favorite local inat post I have ever found and I thought y’all might like it