alemap4

[alemap4]

I only have two posts up but me immediately going and writing Tsukishima is hilarious 😭 I’ll never beat the Tsukishima Stan/lvr allegations 😭

[alemap4]

Of dinosaurs and non dinosaurs

ミ✫A Tsukishima x sad reader✫彡

Tsukishima notices everything. From the way you didn’t speak at all when he picked you up from your house so you two could walk together, to the way you haven’t said a word all day at school. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he knows something has happened between now and last night after he dropped you off at home.

He knows your home life isn’t the best, and that sometimes you just get moody, but this feels different. He doesn’t want to worry, he trusts that if something was really wrong you’d come to him, but it’s now lunch time and you haven’t made any move to come to him, instead you lay your head down atop your desk, not even bothering to get out a lunch.

This worries Kei. You’ve never missed a lunch with him, a tradition that started before you two started dating. Even on sick days you’d video call just to “have a lunch date (with third wheel tadashi)” . He knows that no matter how terribly you feel right now, you’ll regret missing lunch. Both for the senamintal and the fact that you haven’t eaten.

“Here” he says, throwing a packaged muffin on your desk, as he pulls up a chair in front of you. It’s your favorite. He specifically buys them just to give them to you, and he’s hoping that one of your favorite snacks will help to cheer you up. “I’m-“you’ve got to eat” he says, interrupting you and peeling your hands away from your face. Now you can see him, even if you don’t want him to see you.

You're okay. There’s nothing really wrong, you just woke up this way. You want to talk to Kei, to fill his world with laughter and be the y/n he fell in love with, but you just can’t bring yourself to. Not today, not right now.

Pulling your, Keis, hoodie over yourself you burrow into it, making sure the hood covers your face. Hoodies are safe, hoodies that smell like tsukki are safer. In a hoodie no one can see you if you cry, in a hoodie you can pretend that your enjoying the muffin you once loved that for some reason taste’s bland today. The muffin like the day, like your emotions, is dull.

“Y/n” Tsukishima says, “you’ve been acting weird all day… is something wrong?”. There’s the million dollar question. Is something wrong? If so, what? Isn’t the problem just what’s going on in your head? If so, how can you just explain that to him? “It’s nothing Kei” you say dismissively. You just want to eat your lunch without thinking, wishing you could just turn your brain off.

You can feel his eyes on you, it’s obvious he doesn’t believe that there’s nothing wrong, but he doesn’t press it anymore. He’s smart. Smart enough to know that you wouldn’t want to get into anything in a crowded room in fear of a potential breakdown, smart enough to know that if you feel too much your subject to just leave the room and not come back, he wants to help you, not scare you off. The next words that come out of his mouth shocks you.

“Did you know that pterodactyls are not dinosaurs? They’re close in families and stuff but pterodactyls are just flying reptiles.” He recites. This is the kind of thing you need right now, dumb dinosaur facts , or well non dinosaur facts, from your reptile loving boyfriend. “Did you know that dinosaurs had really big fleas? The fleas of then being almost ten times bigger than current ones.”

This one brings a laugh and smile out of you. The thought of giant fleas attacking a town Godzilla style finally brings light to your dull day. The sound of your laugh makes Tsukishima crack his own smile, happy that he finally gets to hear the angelic sound of your voice and your blinding smile. He loves you and he’d do anything to see you keep smiling like that, even tell you every possible reptile fact he’s got stored up.

“Did you know that reptiles don’t have external ear openings?” He questions. “Hmm that must make it hard to get ear piercings” you say, “no swag for turtles” you frown. “I think turtles are pretty cool, maybe not swag but cool. I’d be down for owning one” Tsukishima responds. “I guess we can get a turtle one day in the future, though I’d get to name it” you smile.

Your future with Tsukishima, like the day as of now, looks bright. Your mental health hasn’t just completely fixed, but as of right now the voices are quieted. You feel better even if it’s just for the end of lunch. Class is doomed to start again in five minutes but for now you have Tsukishima who’d do almost anything to make you smile, fun reptile facts, and a future with a turtle. Maybe things just aren’t that bad, maybe you’ll be able to be happy.

A/n I wrote this while sitting in bed sad lol:/ idk what’s wrong and I kinda wanted to put that into something without getting deeply into what I’m feeling, I’m not good at expressing myself anyways lol, so I did this! I love learning fun facts or hearing lame jokes when I’m sad they always work to cheer me up! I wish tsukki were real :) also I hope you enjoyed! Comment and reblogs are welcomed and appreciated <3

[alemap4]

One month, six days, and four hours

ミ★A Tsukishima x reader angst☆彡

It’s been one month, six days, and four hours since he broke up with you.

Through. Text. “I’m breaking up with you” the text had read, a gray “sorry” coming a minute after. Sorry, like it was an afterthought. Like your feelings were just an afterthought. Like he could just rip your heart out and say “sorry” like it doesn’t matter. Like you didn’t matter.

You tried to text and call him, your teary eyes had frantically tried to get ahold of him in every way possible, but before you knew it you were blocked on everything. He had even blocked you on tumblr and picsart?

He truly was done?

The whole month after the break up, you tried talking to him, tried going to his house, and even roping the volleyball team in your plans. Nothing worked. When you’d talk he’d ignore or walk away as Tadashi would give you a sad look and say a quiet sorry. When you’d go to the Tsukishima residence he’d conveniently not be at home, or just wouldn’t open the door, though you could see him out the window and his mother and brother as they pity you. When the team would try to help get you two alone or to try talking he’d make up excuses saying he has to focus or go home. He wouldn’t even talk to you during class and you sat right next to each other, something that used to bring a smile to your face with the closeness but now brings unshed tears. It hurts.

He’s avoiding you, you're one of the team's managers and somehow you haven’t even been able to talk to one of the star players for over a month. The star player who for six months would say he loved you. He’d take you out, relax with you and reassure you. You were in love. It just doesn’t make sense. Keis smart, he thinks his decisions through, he wouldn’t just break up will for nothing. It makes your mind run, did you do something? Is it all your fault?

How can someone go from so in love, to ending things through text, to completely pretending you never existed? That your relationship never happened? How can he be so okay when your heart breaks each time you see him. Did he lie? Did he not really love you? Was he just telling you what you wanted to hear? Were you just nothing to him? Was he just playing with you? Was the past six months a joke?

Fuck.

The questions won’t stop. It’s gotten to be too much and now there’s tears streaming from your eyes. Fuck, this can’t be happening right now. “Um…I need to go to the bathroom” you say, excusing yourself from practice, almost making it the entire way out the door before a big choked sob makes its way out, instantly getting the attention of everyone in the gym. Fuck. You quickly run out trying to find somewhere to hide, but it’s too late. He saw you.

For the past one month, six days, and seven hours you haven’t allowed him to see you cry. He doesn’t get to see you vulnerable anymore. Not when he’s the cause of it. He doesn’t get to see your pained face and see just how much he affected you. Not when he’s calm and okay. The break up seemingly not even affecting him, so he can’t see how it affects you.

Pulling into a hidden corner you crouch down just as you hear some yelling. “Y/n” someone yells. He yells. “Y/n” he continues to yell. Why? Why him? Why couldn’t suga come comfort you or even Tanaka. Anyone would be better than the blonde that sounds closer with every yell. “Y/n where are you?” A sigh, “please come out…we can talk just please”.

Please.

He’s pleading. He’s never done that. You don’t want to hear him out, you don’t want to hear what he has to say not anymore, you don’t want him to see you tear streaked and broken, but before you can even register your body’s already moved. There he stands. He’s no more than five feet away from you and your heart pangs at the closeness. You haven’t been this close to him in forever. You hate that you’ve missed it.

“Y/n..” he looks at you, “please don’t run away, please let’s just talk, we can talk now please” Tsukishima say’s slowly closing the distance. Talk. Now he wants to talk. You’ve wanted to talk for a whole month, and now he wants to. After seeing you broken and hurt he wants to talk. No. He didn’t want to talk when you tried messaging him. He didn’t want to talk when you tried your damndest to speak to him, he ignored you.

Like a flip being switched, your heartbrokenness has turned to anger.

“Fuck you kei” you say. You want him to hurt, the same way he hurt you, but worse. “You break up with me, you block me, you ignore me, and now you want to talk? Well I don’t. So. Fuck. You.” You yell, poking him in the chest for each “you”. His expression turns from impassive to hurt, good.

That is until he takes your hands, “your right…I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t do a lot of things y/n and I’m sorry…I didn’t want things to turn out like this…I didn’t want to hurt you- “how can you say that?… Kei I’ve been hurt this whole month? How’d you expect to not hurt me while ripping my heart from my chest?” You ask interrupting him, “did you think I’d just be okay with you breaking up with me?…I-im not you Kei…I loved-love you I couldn’t just” you sigh, wiping away your tears and taking a deep breath, “I couldn’t just stop like you did”.

Exhausted and drained, your legs choose that moment to give out, you brace yourself for an impact that never comes. Suddenly you're in strong warm arms. In tsukkis arms. You want to thrash around, break free and pretend you didn’t just inhale his familiar scent or nuzzle closer. But you're drained and he does feel so good, so comforting. You don’t want to slip up, you're mad at him, he broke up with you through a text, he ignored you, this comfort isn’t forever, you shouldn’t bask in it.

“I’m sorry…” he whispers, hugging you tighter. When your breathing has stilled he pulls away. The comforts missed but what greets you shocks you. He’s crying. There’s unshed tears crowding his eyes. You’ve never seen Tsukishima like this. “I-” you start only to be interrupted by him.

“You're wrong though” he says looking away, “I’ve never stopped loving you…i could never stop loving you” he finishes as a single tear drops from his eyes. Fuck. He’s pretty when he cries. Fuck. He-he still loves you? “I don’t understand..kei you can’t just tell me what I want to hea-“ I’m not. I’ve never stopped loving you no matter how hard I tried. I-I’m not used to feeling like this, to wanting someone this bad, I love you but I’m not - I could never - I don’t know how to be what’s right for you” he says making you wetly laugh. “Your so dumb” you whisper with a slight smile on your face, “Kei” you grab his face, “your what’s right for me, you don’t need to change, you don’t need to do anything, I. Love. You. Even after you’ve ignored me and broke me I’ve loved you. Your what’s right for me, please stop being so dumb” you finish pulling him into a kiss.

The kiss, like all Tsukishima kisses, is amazing. Even with the salty taste of tears and chapped lips it’s everything. You’ve missed this, you’ve missed him. By the way he’s holding on to you tighter, pulling you in more and more, he’s missed you too.

Things aren’t fixed thirty minutes later when you two walk back into practice hand in hand. But there’s been a start. You trust Tsukishima and he knows he can go to you, that his love is reciprocated, that he doesn’t have to run away from it. Things aren’t fixed but you're together again and for you right now that’s all you want. With your hand in his warm hand you can almost feel your heart mending back together.

✩ 𝒜／𝓃

ℐ 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒽ℴ𝓅ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 ℯ𝓃𝒿ℴ𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈ℴ𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓉𝓎𝓅ℴ𝓈!! 𝒞ℴ𝓂𝓂ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇ℯ𝒷𝓁ℴ𝑔𝓈 𝒶𝓇ℯ 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓇ℯ𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓉ℯ𝒹!!✩

[alemap4]

✩ Hi everyone!! ✩ I just made this account as a place for my self inserts/reader x stuff!! I’m hoping to be very active on here and on my AO3 that of which I use for my ships!! The user name also being alemap4 so if you’re into the same ships as me please check it out!! But here I want to focus on reader x! I hope they’ll all be enjoyable for youu!!<3