alessiaward

[alessiaward]

olivermp3​:

@alessiaward​

Entering Alessia’s room without as much as a knock or a warning, Oliver closes the door behind himself gently, brow furrowed as he gazes about. “Uh… hey.” Oliver speaks softly as he pads further inside, feeling vulnerable and on edge. His eyes are heavy from the quantity of pills he’s taken, just as he does every night only to be left restless with nothing to do but read until he finally succumbs to sleep late. However, tonight was different– because she messaged him. Tugging at the collar of his plain white tee, Oliver presses his lips together to form a hard line, cheeks heating up with a flushed tint. “I-I… I just wanted to see you.” He looks down, twiddling his thumbs a bit nervously as he draws closer to her bed. “I know… we left each other w-without… really saying much… but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that– well– that I got so angry with you that night. I-I don’t… know why, but I couldn’t stop myself. I know, y-you manipulated me… but, I mean… I’m in control of my actions. And the last thing I’d ever want is to cause you pain the way that I did.” His voice is hushed and quiet, clearly not alright with how things got so out of hand the last time they’d met. Finally, he forces himself to look up at her as he pushes his hair back. “I’m so tired of being upset a-and wondering– what could I have done differently when it comes to us.” Oliver speaks up before finally seating himself at the edge of her bed with hesitance. “I just want to be myself. And I know it’s n-not… perfect. I-I know… it’s not always appealing or exactly what you want… but it’s me. If you… love me… then you should at the very least… try to meet me in the middle.” 

after texting oliver, alessia felt slightly better. knowing that he didn’t absolutely hate her put her mind at ease. it was nice to know that after everything, he still loved her in some way. she was nervous to see him, though. it was so easy to talk through a phone. she didn’t have to see him and he didn’t have to see her, there was nothing hard about that. when she heard the door open she jumped slightly and moved to sit on the side of the bed, her feet dangling over the edge. “hi,” she smiled. she glanced over his features and resisted the urge to frown. it broke her heart to see him looking so tired. she wanted to wrap him in her arms and just let him rest. when he was close enough, she reached out and grabbed his hands and squeezed them gently. “i wanted to see you too,” she whispered. alessia listened to him speak and get his point across. she sighed and bowed her head for a moment. she hated that she caused him to do something that he would have never done normally. “you don’t have to be sorry, but i know that’s not the kind of person you are. will you feel better if i accept your apology? because i do, i accept it. and i’m also sorry for manipulating you and saying such hurtful things,” she frowned and let go of his hands. “it wasn’t a bad pain, though. i kind of like having reminders of how you can make me feel. no one else can make me feel the way you do,” she said softly. she nodded her head along with his words, “i don’t think there’s anything you could have done differently. i think we just need to leave the past alone and stop trying to make up for it and change it.” alessia looked at him with her head tilted, “what’s your middle?”

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: okay well...

oliver: can i come to your room...

alessia: absolutely. doors unlocked, let yourself in

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i mean i guess so...

oliver: can i come to you too?

alessia: of course you can.

alessia: always. 💛

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i don't know

oliver: how do you mean?

alessia: like can i come to you when i’m sad and lonely? can i miss you again? 🥺

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i understand i guess

oliver: i guess we are... at least we can agree that we love each other?

alessia: you don’t have to understand. what i did was shitty.

alessia: can we at least be together without being together?

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: but i begged you and i told you i would get better and you didn't even give me the chance to do anything before you left me

oliver: i still love you deep down you know and nothing will ever change that

alessia: my career was changing, i was changing and growing and i had to be selfish and put myself first. i’ll regret that forever and i’ll be apologizing forever

alessia: so i love you and you love me and there’s nothing we can do about it. i guess we’re kind of stuck in the mud, huh?

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: that's on you not me

oliver: even if i was willing to change for us back then?

oliver: i don't know where it leaves us honestly... you wouldn't ever consider taking me back? ever?

alessia: believe me, i know

alessia: i reached a breaking point and i.....i didn’t think you could change.

alessia: id be lying if i said i wouldn’t. i’ll always miss being loved by you.

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: no you can't but for some reason you always seem to want to... even to the point of manipulating me into feeling how you think i should feel

oliver: you didn't screw it all up on your own you know? i was responsible too and i don't understand why you don't see that as clearly as i do

oliver: i can't hate you either and i wouldn't want to even if you shatter me into pieces :/ is that so wrong?

alessia: i think it’s because i hate what i did and it doesn’t make sense that you don’t hate me for it?

alessia: you....you have a disease and i can’t blame you for that. it broke me to see you like that and i wasn’t strong enough to help you.

alessia: i don’t think it’s wrong? but where does that leave us? we can’t be just friends, we obviously don’t work as a couple (not that i was weighing that as an option).

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: but i DO feel bad

oliver: i don't think i could ever just be your friend if we're being honest here

oliver: not after everything we've been through

alessia: fine. i can’t really tell you how to feel

alessia: then what do you want? because i can’t hate you. i tried staying away from you and that didn’t work either

alessia: i hate that i fucked things up for us

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i feel awful that i did that to you even if you wanted me to in the moment. it's not like me.

oliver: i'm so sorry i hurt you

oliver: i wish we could let the past stay in the past and move on too but you know that's easier said than done

oliver: i'm not the man i should be for you still and i wish i could be but i'm just trying to survive the best way i can through all the stress

alessia: don’t. don’t feel bad. if i didn’t think i could have taken it, i would have said no.

alessia: you don’t have to be sorry, i wanted it

alessia: i wish we could just be friends. i don’t like the idea of living a whole life without you a part of it in some way. 😓

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i already told you i feel like an idiot idk what you want to hear from me

oliver: do you want me to be furious with you?? like the other night? because i would really rather try not to be that upset with you.

alessia: i don’t know. i just hate that you blame yourself

alessia: no, i don’t. i still have bruises on my legs and i can’t walk right 🥴

alessia: i don’t know what i want. part of me wants to leave the past in the past but you’re always in the back of my mind

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i don't know?

oliver: yeah you did and it was really messed up for you to use me like that

oliver: don't do this to me right now... please

alessia: can you just not be a good person for like five minutes and say how you real feel?

alessia: i’m not proud of what i did and i’m sorry. from the bottom of my heart, i am sorry for treating you like that.

alessia: would you rather i lie?

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: you wouldn't have done what you did if i weren't such an idiot

oliver: it's my fault for playing right into your hands

oliver: why do you even care?

alessia: why do you always have to blame yourself for MY faults??

alessia: i manipulated you, i fucked up.

alessia: because i loved you? and i think some part of me will always love you

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: i guess you can if you want to but that doesn't mean i'll be ecstatic about it

oliver: i'll stick to my prescriptions

alessia: 😥😥😥😥 i’m just sorry abt everything

alessia: okay but like are u using them correctly?

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

oliver: what do you want

oliver: i'm fine honestly... just trying to sleep and failing like most nights

alessia: am i not allowed to check up on you??

alessia: ...have you tried essential oils?

[alessiaward]

imessage // oli 😓💔

alessia: hey

alessia: i know it’s late but i can’t stop thinking about you.

alessia: are you okay? ☹️

[alessiaward]

lcttics​:

charlotte can’t help the immediate burst of laughter that slips her mouth when hearing such a fowl sort of questions coming from her that she’s been asked. it’s been a hot minute since she’s heard anything bad flirting wise , but every time she does she always documents it for a laugh later on in her day. it’s probably not the best thing to admit but damn if it isn’t HILARIOUS. “ god that’s so embarrassing … what do you even say to that ? like yeah , i have a fat ass now next caller ! ” she expresses loudly while waving her manicured fingers around in a waving motion. “ i honestly wouldn’t know how to continue a conversation after that dumb ass question. you have the patience i could never have , honestly. that’s some wild shit. i’ve gotten some weird comments in my day … girls are no better though. i’ve heard some crazy stuff from them too , don’t worry ha. ”

“i just left him on read. i was dumbfounded,” she laughed. “like boys do be bold these days. though, i don’t know why i expect anything more than that kind of shit. all boys are trash.” she rolled her eyes playfully. she was about to just give up on the idea of ever being in another relationship ever again. alessia couldn’t be bothered with boys who waste her time with being gross. dating seemed boring at this point. “honestly, i think i might just swear off men. who needs them? i’ve gotta put myself first for once and be a strong, independent woman.”