alexander-the-meh

[alexander-the-meh]

As a chick married to an ex-cop, I say this all the time to people close to me, but it bears repeating here: No cop is your friend after you’ve been detained.

Get rear ended by a drunk at a red light? That cop will direct traffic around your vehicle, document the accident, sure. Call animal control on your piece of shit neighbor? You’ve got a pretty good chance the officer who shows up helps out in a meaningful way.

But after you’ve been arrested, when a police officer says, “Just be honest with me and I’ll do the same.” or the old “Help me and I’ll help you.” Politely ask for a lawyer. Shake your head. Ignore them. Pretend you’re Hollywood royalty being asked for a selfie. “ …mmmm… Sorry, but no.”

Keep your mouth shut. Don’t do their work for them. Wait for a lawyer.

[alexander-the-meh]

Harry Potter and How the Scene Should Have Gone

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[alexander-the-meh]

“The LEGO Movie was my favorite movie of 2014, but it strikes me that the main character was male, because I feel like in our current culture, he HAD to be. The whole point of Emmett is that he’s the most boring average person in the world. It’s impossible to imagine a female character playing that role, because according to our pop culture, if she’s female she’s already SOMEthing, because she’s not male. The baseline is male. The average person is male. You can see this all over but it’s weirdly prevalent in children’s entertainment. Why are almost all of the muppets dudes, except for Miss Piggy, who’s a parody of femininity? Why do all of the Despicable Me minions, genderless blobs, have boy names? I love the story (which I read on Wikipedia) that when the director of The Brave Little Toaster cast a woman to play the toaster, one of the guys on the crew was so mad he stormed out of the room. Because he thought the toaster was a man. A TOASTER. The character is a toaster. I try to think about that when writing new characters— is there anything inherently gendered about what this character is doing? Or is it a toaster?”

— Bojack Horseman creator Raphael Bob-Waksberg commenting on how weird gendered defaults in entertainment are, and why we should think twice about them. Excerpted from this longer original post. (via 360degreesasthecrowflies)

[alexander-the-meh]

[alexander-the-meh]

My Italian teacher stopped saying “sheets of paper” after a while because she kept sounding like she was saying “shits”

im going to have a stroke

[alexander-the-meh]

Stripes are a mans best friend. Horizontal stripes can cause optical illusions that work for almost anyone, you just have to know how far apart it should be for your body type, but that’s the struggle with stripes for anyone.

Vertical stripes are the ones that people use as a case against them, because they show every curve on your body. No matter the body type, vertical stripes almost never look good on anyone.

Even when I don’t have my binder on, this is my favorite shirt because I can look in the mirror and I can’t tell that I’m not binding unless it bunches up or I turn to the side

[alexander-the-meh]

My favorite part of those tests was when, for the entire 6-8 years I took the CT Mastery Tests, they legit had the EXACT. SAME. QUESTIONS

We literally practiced the test every day for two months until test day. I got to the point where I just looked at the questions first bc the article given was useless

[alexander-the-meh]

I found this Youtube channel run by a Japanese chef and it’s actually better than porn? First all all his cinematography is off the charts. Youtube videos have no business looking that good. Second of all, everything he makes looks SO TASTY, and he explains the recipes in such a simple, soothing, manner. Third off all, he does this all while his two adorable kitties watch??? Like… they are so intent on what hes doing but they never run around or hop on the counter???? He has a stool for them to sit on as he makes his recipes Im gunna die

[alexander-the-meh]

children of color deserve better

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They DID that!!!

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That’s straight up going to ruin the next generation and I know for damn sure

For reference, my school was public. Our teachers were well known for hitting kids if they misbehaved, to the point where one kid had his hand broken. The crime? Chewing gum.

Now you want a for-profit school system for a whole fuckin CITY??? This is straight up gentrification

wtf this is real bad

[alexander-the-meh]

Congrats, Misha! (x x)

[alexander-the-meh]

remember in goblet of fire when minerva says ‘potter’s a boy, not a piece of meat!’

imagine harry telling her everything after the battle of hogwarts, telling her about how dumbledore raised him like a pig for slaughter, and how he had to die and mcgonagall gets so goddamned mad

she loses control for the first time that harry’s EVER seen and she’s actually yelling, she’s so pissed that harry was seventeen and he had to accept death and dumbledore KNEW he would have to die and NEVER TOLD HIM

and harry’s about to cry because yeah his friends would be devastated if he was gone but NO ONE got this damn pissed that dumbledore had raised him so that he could die at the right time and mcgonagall’s in the middle of a rant and he just shoots up and hugs her and she’s stunned into silence but after a moment she hugs back and it’s great

and then she goes up to her office and starts screaming at dumbledore’s portrait because ‘i don’t care if it had to happen, albus, he is a CHILD-’

[alexander-the-meh]

[alexander-the-meh]

the first meme of 2018 is

carrie fisher entering the room wielding a bat that she is absolutely prepared to use

[alexander-the-meh]

“I would eat his heart in the marketplace” is legit the most savage line I have ever heard, I’d like to personally thank Shakespeare for putting into words that feeling of rage and protectiveness women get when some fuckboy hurts another woman