alice-the-koala

[alice-the-koala]

i don’t think we can gaslight gatekeep girlboss our way out of this one boys

[alice-the-koala]

the most disorienting thing thats ever happened to me was when a linguistics major stopped in the middle of our conversation, looked me in the eye, and said, "you have a very interesting vernacular. were you on tumblr in 2014?" and i had to just stand there and process that one for a good ten seconds

[alice-the-koala]

pregnancy is a hoax the baby sprouts out the ground ive seen it happen

[alice-the-koala]

the macking cheese post changed my life

[alice-the-koala]

ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

FETCH ME NEIL

[alice-the-koala]

wait are there really new people joining this site. i thought it was a hoax.

[alice-the-koala]

I would like to wish everyone an uneventful new year

[alice-the-koala]

[gets down on on knee] oppa…marriage style?

[alice-the-koala]

if you got like a 100kilo bag of glitter and opened it up and left it in the path of like a tornado i think that would be interesting. i dont care abt ecological damage btw

[alice-the-koala]

tell me something about yourself

so this might be tmi but the first time i jacked off it was like 2005? I was playing the sims 2 for the first time and i didn’t know anything about Gay but i made my male sim kiss don lothario, which i didn’t think would work. i then googled “2 sims kissing (boys)” and that led me down a rabbit hole (lol sims 3 reference there), and yeah, ya know, I did the self-woohoo. that same night there was an oprah re-run about teenage pregnancy and i was horrified. oh my god, i was convinced i was pregnant, nevermind that i am a little cis gay boy with no uterus. nevermind that i was a virgin. i was CERTAIN I was pregnant. Like, 900%. I had done the nasty and had become filled with my own vile seed. I started getting really self-conscious about my belly expanding. I didn’t want to google anything about masturbation leading to pregnancy out of fear it would confirm all my worst fears. My male sim got abducted by aliens and came back with morning sickness. He gave birth to twin aliens. that confirmed it in my mind that it was biological possible for men to carry children, perhaps even their own.. what was i going to tell my parents when i gave birth to myself? anyway I went to the doctor with a cold and he asked me what was wrong and i told him i was pregnant and he pissed himself laughing. this whole ordeal lasted about 5 months, but the lasting effect will probably follow me to the grave.

[alice-the-koala]

girlie stop scrolling through tumblr you are one second away from crumbling under academic pressure

[alice-the-koala]

[alice-the-koala]

bella was lucky she didn’t have a cell phone of any kind because you know ya boi edward would be blowing up that phone 24-7 going “saw a snail today…. effervescent” or some shit equivalent

[alice-the-koala]

[alice-the-koala]

My head hurts from laughing at this so hard

[alice-the-koala]

[alice-the-koala]

TOMORROW IS THE 4-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF HIM DOING IT TO US

National Holiday