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20th March 2019

Hah so like keeping a diary, I’m utter shite at keeping this up to date also. 11 days until I turn 22 and yet again I’m having another existential crisis. This one relates to loving yourself. I am hella hella shy, like if there were a photo dictionary and you looked up the word shy I’d be underneath it. That’s how shy I am. I’m less shy when I’m comfortable around people but that’s besides the point. The whole shyness has affected my self confidence also to the point where I don’t even like looking at myself in photos or sometimes even the mirror. Even things like if I’m out walking on my own, I tend to stare at the ground rather than straight ahead. Eye contact when talking to people is another problem. Anyways, had a big vent to my best friend who would be the definition of confident/confidence in that photo dictionary. She gave hella good advice as per usual. Basically when I enter a room I always automatically think “aw naw they’re all judging me” whereas I should be thinking “why would anyone be judging me, there is nothing for them to judge”. Need to change the ole negative mindset I’ve got going on. Writing shit here tends to help too just to get it out or whatever idk so maybe I’ll continue this. 

                                                                                           - Brí xoxo

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“We had the stars, you and I. And this is given once only.” ― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name

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21 things to do before turning 21 // 

So yeah, in 19 days I turn 21 and as the days quickly approach I get the fear that I haven’t done anything spectacular in the first 20 years of my life. I made a list of things I want to do within the next 19 days but whether I complete it or not doesn’t really matter it’s just for myself as is this tumblr blog. Half of the things on this list aren’t even “things to do” as such but more ways to improve myself tbh so yeah.

1. Change appearance  I doubt I will actually go through with this because right now my hair is       almost at hip length and I love my long hair but I would love to just go         crazy and get it all cut off to my shoulders (maybe soon idk) or change my appearance in some other way; just something different.

2. Take more pictures. I have this big fancy camera and I have an interest in photography but I always forget to take it with me whenever I go anywhere so I want to improve on that. I also want to make myself take more selfies because I don’t like pictures of myself but if I do it gradually who knows maybe it will grow on me.

3. Be a better friend. In general, I feel like I just need to improve on being a better friend. Treat others how you would like to be treated and all that jazz.

4. Be more grateful for things in my life. Tbh I don’t think I appreciate the things I’ve got in my life; family, friends, education, religion, etc. Even just the small things in life that I tend to complain about, I need to appreciate these things more.

5. Try to get some exercise at least once a day // Get fit. Not gonna lie, this is what I was supposed to do for Lent this year but I kinda failed that one. I don’t want it to be something I force myself to do, I want to do it because I want to. Tbh I just want to have a body that I’m happy with and confident with and right now its a no.

6. Get outside my comfort zone. I’m like super shy (which is also super annoying) but yeah I feel like if I make myself do things that I normally wouldn’t do that it’ll make me less nervous to do it again and that’s how I aim to build my confidence in doing whatever.

7. Develop my personal style. Everyone seems to have their own style when it comes to fashion but all I wear is jumpers and scarves or just long sleeved tops. Again, I think it comes back to confidence and whatever feels most comfortable wearing but yeah need to find my own personal style.

8. Learn a new skill. Maybe teach myself a new language on Duolingo or improve whatever French I still know from secondary school.

9.Stop thinking negatively. Obviously, this one is easier said than done but I have discovered I’m a very negative person and I need to start thinking more positively so my aim will be to think a positive alternative to every negative thought my brain thinks up.

10. Teach myself guitar(again). I went to guitar lessons twice when I was younger to 2 separate people and I quit both so now my guitar just sits in my room unused collecting dust. So as I approach the age of 21, I want to teach myself guitar possibly through the likes of YouTube videos or whatever and actually stick at it and hopefully learn at least one song on the guitar.

11. Improve my grades. Pretty self-explanatory, instead of scraping by I actually want to get good grades.

12.Do something that scares you. I haven’t thought of what this could be yet but I’ll come up with something eventually.

13.Think positive about yourself. Kinda the same as number 9 where I need to stop thinking negatively but this time it’s in regards to myself. I need to stop putting myself down and find some positives about my appearance etc. 14. Watch the sun rise/set. This sounded good when I first wrote it down but now it sounds cheesy af. But yeah, watching sunsets is honestly the prettiest thing ever and I feel like watching the sun rise would be the same because you would be awake before everyone else (might do it during summer).

15. Try to be more extroverted. More or less similar to number 6 about getting out of my comfort zone because being shy is a real inconvenience.

16. Stop complaining and start changing. Tbh, most of these are about me changing my outlook on life and being less negative and more positive so yeah. 17. Say yes to more and no to less. Literally the same as above more or less.

18. Let go of all grudges. There’s literally no point in holding grudges with people anymore, tbh the person probably doesn’t even realise so it’s really only harming you and what’s the point wasting energy on shit like that when you could use that energy to something good in your life.

19. Don’t let people walk all over you. So yeah this kinda goes with the whole shy thing because up until now I’ve just agreed with what people say to me but over the past 2 weeks I’ve started doing what I want instead of what other people want. Standing up for myself and whatnot. Not gonna lie, it’s really difficult and people tend to fight you if they don’t get their way but I’ve realised you can’t just let people walk all over you.

20. Get outdoors more. That sounds stupid when I type it out but basically I mean go for more walks and just get outdoors more; nothing better than fresh air to clear your head especially after stressful days.

21. Be Happy; you’re only young once!

So yeah, I don’t even know why I made this post but it’s mainly just for me to read back. It’s not necessarily a checklist to do before turning 21, even if I do this shit whilst I’m 21 as long as I do it. I feel like your birthday is like the equivalent of a new year so I aim to change myself for the better starting on March 31st.

Just gotta get that self confidence; 21 seems like such a major age and it’s making me think about life and yeah I’ll end it with a good quote I found recently that relates to me wanting to improve my confidence etc.

“If someone doesn’t want me, it isn’t the end of the world. but if I don’t want me, the world is nothing but endings.” - Nayyirah Waheed.

                                                                                                                                      Bri xoxo

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“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” 

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27.08.17 // "In the end, always laugh, And do not lose this strange habit of having faith in life."

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"Sometimes you give the wrong people the right parts of your heart." ❤

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The Giant's Causeway // 04.08.17

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"Once we learn to accept who we are, imperfections and all, then-and only then-can we achieve our full potential."

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"Be with someone who makes your Mondays feel like Fridays"

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“And so with the sunshine and the great burst of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow fast in movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” - The Great Gatsby by F.Scott Fitzgerald

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"Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you think it will.. Sometimes it's better.."

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"If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?"

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