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To the man who've melted so many fangirl's hearts all over the world. To him whose music is out of the ordinary yet inevitably loved by many. Happy birthday Adam Young! :)

Thank you for creating the music that never fail to make me smile even if I'm at my lowest. You inspire me so much, I wish you could know that.

HootOwls will always be here to support you no matter what decision you make. If it is for the better and it makes you happy, we will be on your side. We love like you love pizza.

:)

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Eh?

Though indirectly specified, I am deeply affected by the currently fast diffusing controversy about some students who miraculously have been able to enroll three of the subjects which are supposedly pre-requisites of the very subject that they failed. I am affected because I am one of them.

And then a good news came: I can enroll three Design subjects which means I still have the chance to graduate on time! It was as if the angels of Heaven were just waiting for me to tell everything to my mom, to be honest to her and face my challenges bravely.

I was both very excited and nervous at the same time when we were processing the papers. I was aware that this is not a very usual thing in the college but this benefits me so why not? Never in my mind came the thought of fooling the school or whatever the judgmental people tell. All I know is that we were lucky that some changes have been made and I grabbed the opportunity and hoped for the best.

We succeeded in pursuing the plan but as classes start, professors avoided us like we were a bunch of street children hungry for knowledge that we don't deserve to have and everything started to blur that time. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I was too worried about how my batchmates may regard me. I was paranoid, shy, overwhelmed, confused, tired and weary. Where did I go wrong?

I never cheated in this situation. All I want is a better outcome from the unfortunate moment that happened last summer. I don't know, maybe I just relied too much on other people's abilities that I didn't notice the flaws, or did I and just ignored them? I don't know.

After all, I am already enrolled and the only thing I can do now is to face the taunting looks of the SMARTEST PEOPLE in CEA and prove to them that I am motherfucking deserving for this chance.

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Happy Philippine Independence Day.

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“There are many types of monsters that scare me: Monsters who cause trouble without showing themselves, monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood... and then, monsters who tell nothing but lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance: They are much more cunning than others. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such monsters, I would likely be eaten by them... because in truth, I am that monster.”

L Lawliet

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June 8, 2012

I watched L: Change The World then. A lot of tears were shed as I watch this movie. Maybe the solitude added to the emotional effect plus the heartache that I am currently facing. I watched this just to be occupied in the first place because I have this very big problem and I do not have anyone to talk to at the moment. While everyone’s asleep, I am here thinking of ways to surpass this trial.

I was so attached to him as if he’s real. That he’s out there somewhere, savoring all the sugary treats in the world and then in a few days he’ll die and I can’t do anything about it.

It’s hard being sad. Sometimes, our loneliness cannot be altered by any words of encouragement, may it be from somebody very special to us. I’d like to admit that sometimes, I try to make the sadness grow, almost eating me alive. Until I come back to my senses and realize how stupid I am to get carried away by such crazy thoughts. Immature, yes, but I guess no one really can escape the terror of being alone and the easiest act is to cry about it though knowing that crying won’t change a thing. Somehow, it’s our form of escape even though we know we really cannot flee from it.

My friends may not be able to help me with my academic grades but I want to thank them for introducing this movie to me and the anime that I am still halfway to the end. It’s not easy facing your fears but a little time of release can bring a cleansed mind and open heart to accept reality and think of ways to go the positive way.

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Back-to-school, eh?

June 18.

I'll be seeing my classmates again on June 18. Bus lines, jeepney and tricycle drivers will be benefiting for my everyday patronizing of their services so I can go to school but of course I won't let the student discount slip into my hands just like that so I'll use it every weekdays. Familiar faces will be smiled at and professors will be ignored outside the classrooms. Yes, my least-awaited day of the year, school days are coming.

This coming semester I will be a fifth year struggling-for-survival engineering student at PUP my only wish is to have a sound studying environment for me especially now that I am so left behind.

I hope my friends won't hate or ignore me for failing yet another hardcore subject. I just wish they stay with me even if we have different classes now. Maybe on free days?

Engineering has given me and is still giving me nightmares in which some abruptly turned real. I hate going to school even more but there's nothing I can do. If only I were rich, famous, beautiful, I can just use my fame, money and beauty to be successful. Hahaha! But since I am not, I have to try harder. Push it even more, break yet another leg which happen not to totally break for I kept failing.

So to the students out there, don't be like me. Study hard. Kekeke? :)

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Repost :)

Heyaa! Just want to invite you in The Rainbowstar and Lhyzie Bongon June giveaway.

The prizes are as expected, cellphone load, cute stuff and useful ones.

First Prize: 300 load – globe, smart or sun|Pink Love|CupHodge Podge (Blogger) Key-chain|Notebook|Card Holder|Versace Lotion|Domo Cellphone chain|Butterfly bracelet|Butterfly Earrings 

Second Prize: 200 load – globe, smart or sun|Hodge Podge (Blogger) Key-chain|Notebook|Post It|Stapler|Make Up brush|Star necklace|Heart earring

Third Prize: 100 load – globe, smart or sun|Hodge Podge (Blogger) Key-chain|Angry bird coin purse|Life story notebook|Post It|Dog nail cutter|Panda Neckalce|Pink Wallet|Strawberry bag

Most Referral: 50 load – globe, smart or sun|Hodge Podge (Blogger) Key-chain|4 pcs stationery|Post It|Headband|Hello kitty cp case|Elephant necklace|Fruit animal bag

And bonus prizes for a lucky Blackberry user:

Here's the link: http://www.therainbowstar.net/june-giveaway/

Don't forget to put me as referrer. :)

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I have been to a lot of struggles recently and I can say I haven't really recovered from those. Friends' words help a lot to at least cheer me up when I can't manage to smile and I am very thankful that they are my friends. But honestly, there's still something missing, a part of me still can't move on despite the encouraging words that I hear. Doubt overpowers me. And as I come back to the miserable me that words of wisdom always try to alter, I think of Someone who has the power to make me strong again.

I made a new Wordpress blog entitled Only North Star where I can post my letters to God. My confession, adoration or my simple thanksgiving. I will use blogging as my simple way of glorifying Him.

http://onlynorthstar.com/ is still under construction right now though. :)

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Reminiscence

It's always nice to have talented friends because even though you lack the skills that they have, your self-esteem will never decline unless you take it the other way around. I have been surrounded by artistic gals before and being their bestfriend, I was showered with praises too because somehow, I manage to adopt their creativity and make my own pleasing-to-the-eye drawings.

I miss our art moments together. How we alter our classroom's bulletin board and turn it into a different theme every month, our classmates' art material contributions, the cute eraser that we always lose, I miss how our adviser and our class gave us their trust in beautifying our bulletin board which every month gets to be recognize by the celebrating department and sometimes given some awards.

It's in the matter of accepting your flaws and making the most out of it. Don't be intimidated by the overpowering strengths that surround you, instead, use them as your inspiration to be the best at something. :)

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Cherish the people who knows and understands you completely. Those who get how you feel and accept you for who you are. Because in the event that you lose yourself, they are the ones who knows how to find you.

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Exactly what I need. Only a little too late.

I wish I can be happy now but with all these stuff going on in my head. All the bad things that happened. My failures, regrets and false hopes. Happiness might be so far out of my reach this moment.

I just hope that whatever happens, I can have someone to share the hardships with. I know that is being selfish to its highest form but I cannot face any more challenges alone.

God, please, if what happened is already unchangeable, please just give me a hand that I can hold through another journey that I'll be facing. I cannot do it alone. Please send someone, send me an angel to be with me. I need You now. Please be with me.

Forgive me for making a negative caption which is indeed inappropriate to such inspiring photo post. I'll just wish that whoever reads this will focus on the message of the photo and will understand that I really need to spill out my emotions here. In this very photo that contradicts my current situation.

Because after all, I can't be lonely forever and I'll start my happy living by releasing the negative thoughts while holding on to the positive ones.

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More paper please

My heart has been to writing since grade school days. When my sister who is then on high school writes poems and stories which she compiles on a neatly designed notebook. And everyday, when she's at school, I will read her works and I'll just see myself writing my own poems.

The judgment day came and one by one, the chosen pupils were called and asked to stand up. During that time, it barely mattered to me. If I wasn't called, it's okay, but if I was, then it's much better.

I was losing my hope when I heard a familiar name and looked around to see no one adds to the ones who are already standing until it came to me: I was chosen. My piece was good enough to make me one of the journalism staff. I was overjoyed. I remember standing quickly as the thought came to me as if somebody's going to steal it if I stood up late. I savored the moment and smiled to myself as the remaining participants were called.

And there begun my passion for writing.

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Green

Amid the backfilled soil, scattered gravel, rusting twisted metals and my father’s other construction materials at the back of our house near the toilet room, I spotted something green. It stood out among the dull colored stuff that surrounded it as if making an appeal for people to notice it. That it’s there. I moved closely to have a clearer look and confirmed that it is a small plant, the ray of sun that peaks through the roofs of our home gives it an effect of purity and freshness, making it more inappropriate for the place that it is rooted.

And just now, another thought came to me. As I zoom in the little space in our backyard into something that looks kind of the same. Our world. A lot of people and organizations have been spreading the news about the environment, how it is so badly damaged and how not to increase its destruction. I want to be one of them.

This little plant that I don’t even know the name, the unexpected metaphor that I have created, they showed me the reality that the Earth is dying because of our negligence. That it needs help. That it can survive amongst the towering constructions, destructive factories and fast-approaching invasion of technology. If we only care enough to notice it.

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Maybe I'm dreaming

*Oh I love how I use Adam's works into something not actually related to him*

As far as I can remember, I am just a part-time blogger but for the past few days, I have devoted my time for blogging that I have made almost 10+ posts in a day. You wouldn't believe it because I am not referring to this blog. :D 

Anyways, about this blog being left behind, I know it's not a good thing but just like what I've said before, I am still thinking of what kind of posts to put in here. And while I'm thinking, I do my earning on the other blog.

I am just surprised to see that after Google updated the page ranks, abegaillayosa.com got a page rank 2 all the way from zero overpowering http://princessdiaries.info which lowered down to PR1 from PR2. I wonder if Google doesn't like my posts so they chose to put a lower rank on the blog that I update more often? Haha!

Yet I am thankful that my blogs still have page ranks. Besides, I treasure my readers most. Thanks everyone! :)

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Happy Birthday HoshiGirl!

It's so thrilling to know that just as I started blogging again, a tweet sent me such a delightful link that is too good to ignore. I am talking about Ms. Gel's birthday giveaway.

The young lady will celebrate her birthday this coming May 25 and instead of askign for gifts, she is the one who will be giving some away and so the HBD, HoshiGirl! ~ A Birthday Giveaway is created.

You wouldn't believe the $150 worth of prizes to be given away so why fret? Join now and be one of the lucky winners who will be as happy as the celebrant herself on May 25.

P.S.

It won't hurt to put me as your referrer, right? Thanks!