allbitterwithoutthesweet

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I guess enough time has past (nearly two weeks) that I'm over the shell shock of you coming back into my life. You saved me again. I showed you this blog immediately, so you'd know I kept my faith in us. So you'd know I meant every word I've ever said to you. With a text you breathed soul back into me and I'm thanking God every day for giving me another shot at life.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

You just brought me back to life

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

What if I'm 30 and still writing about you? Would that be beautiful, because it would show that our love was real, or would it be sad because I never moved on?

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I hope everything reminds you of us, the same way it reminds me. I hope it breaks your heart, the same way it breaks mine.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

You were hurting, so you left. I was hurting too but it was okay because I still had you. Now we are both hurt and alone. I can't find the sense in that. I'll always respect your decision, but I could never understand how you can love someone and leave. I could never have left you, and the way that I love you is so complete that leaving was never even an option for me. Even though you'd left before, broken my heart before, it was still a shock that you could do it again. Maybe I was too optimistic in thinking that we loved each other the same way. Or maybe it's naivety.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

People ask me “Why her? Why can't you move on?” And I just smile, a sad smile, full of memory and unfulfilled love with nowhere to go, because I could wax lyrical about why I will choose you every time, and in the end you still didn't choose me.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

Dreams again, you haunt me even in my sleep

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

You looked at my Instagram story 3 days ago, now I check it every hour to see if you've looked again.

You put my favorite song on your story 3 days ago, now I can't listen to it without crying.

Oh how you've ruined me.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

Two goodbyes on the same day

Two more years of feeling gray

Come home x

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I miss you so much K. A million things I should have said and done, I'm scrambling now. The absence of you hangs over me like a shroud. I'm too far gone to be pulled back. Wallowing in my memories of you is better than living without you.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I know her.

Were I deaf and blind I would know her by touch alone. By the way her skin dances in my hands, and by the way mine ignites at the suggestion of her presence.

Were I stripped of all my senses, my heart would seek her out and know her by the matching beat in her chest. I would hear it in my sleep and awake to find myself closer to her, magnetized by our love and by devotion to the church of she.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I've got no armor left. You've stripped me of all the protections and safeguards I had, walls I put up over a lifetime to keep me safe from this kind of pain. All of me that is left, all that I am, is yours. I will be yours when I am old and gray, and the last words to leave my lips before I fade away will be your name. I will be yours even if we never see each other again, if we never speak again. As our lives take us apart many things will change, but the way I feel will remain the same.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

You're all my favourite songs wrapped up in skin.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

A part of me is missing. I feel your absence as surely as the amputee feels the absence of a limb. You're not here anymore, and more than that, you have removed yourself so completely it's like you were never here in the first place. I'm left with nothing but a memory, fast fading.

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I'll keep you alive in the songs that I write, that way I can remember you forever

And pretend that we're still young and in love and that we always stayed together

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I wrote this for you after the first time you left

Maybe someday I'll get over myself, I'll settle down and start a life with somebody else

But I will always return to the love that we shared

What we could have had, what could have been if you'd really cared

And when I close my eyes I'm back in your room, with my head in your arms while you sing “hey moon”

Now all I've got left is this hole in my chest, the one that you carved when you packed up and left

I dont expect you to care or expect you to know, but I write these words so you hear them and choke

Read them and weep, I bear my soul at your feet

There's not a day goes by that I don't wish to repeat

Because time is short and life is cruel but ill spend an eternity chasing the love I had with you

[allbitterwithoutthesweet]

I need an outlet. I've never blogged or posted before, but I'm going insane being unable to share how I feel with the only girl who matters. I'm hoping writing on here will give me that outlet, I don't care if nobody ever sees it, I'm writing all of this for you anyway. I just can't keep writing love letters to you in my notes and thinking that they'll stay there forever, unread by you as our love withers with time. At least this way they are preserved somewhere.