allmidaddies

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 6.

Having Mat beside you felt like home. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this at peace. At least since before you moved to Nashville. But, you were trying not to think about that.

What you were focusing on instead was Mat’s hand resting heavily on your thigh, having found the exposed skin where there was a slit in the silk material. He kept tracing his thumb back and forth, sending chills along your spine with each stroke. And you couldn’t help but lean into him, fingers curled around his bicep as you rested your chin on his shoulder.

For a moment it was like nothing had changed. Like you were still staying in your old bedroom in your parents house and Mat was blowing up your phone, asking you to take a night drive with him.

 “....and you’re not even listening to me anymore,” Mat chuckled, the sound breaking you from your trance. You had been busy staring at him, the way the sunlight was cast over him and his eyes looked like pools of honey.

 “Sorry,” you smiled sheepishly, “I missed your voice.”

 Mat thought he might just die right there. The look on your face and hearing you speak those words to him sent him into a spiral. How could you love him so badly and still not be with him?

 “I asked you how you like your new job,” Mat said, a smile on his lips. That smile, though, faded as he watched your expression drop.

 “I don’t really want to talk about work, Mat,” you said quietly. It wasn’t that your new job was bad, it just...it was the thing that was in the way. It was the big, clunky, awkward elephant in the room and even when you weren’t talking about it you couldn’t avoid it. So talking about it would only make it worse.

 Mat draped his arm around your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze,

 “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

 You nodded, resting your head against his chest. You hoped the ceremony would start soon, that way you didn’t have to sit in silence with Mat for too long.

 Years of friendship had allowed you to be comfortable without speaking to each other but today you didn’t want that. Because you knew what he was thinking. And he knew what you were thinking.

 Thankfully the music started playing shortly after you cut the conversation short. You sat up and Mat let his arm fall to rest on the back of your chair, but his thumb still rubbed mindless circles on your bare shoulder.

 Your mind traveled back to the night of Jasmine’s wedding and the night you made the pact with Mat. After the last few months you had nearly forgotten that you had agreed to that. It seemed as though once you confessed your love for each other, that was it.

 You still intended on keeping your promise. And surely Mat did too. He had flown across the country to keep this promise, what would he do to keep that one?

 You shifted your gaze to look at him. If he felt your eyes on him he didn’t move, his attention remained on the bride and groom at the altar. The expression on his face had your heart melting.

 The thing about Mat was that he looked at everyone like he was a little bit in love with them. You wondered what it looked like when he was looking at you.

 Wordlessly you leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his jaw bone before returning your focus on the altar. Mat barely had time to react before you were no longer staring at him. A smile spread across his face and he squeezed your thigh where his hand rested.

 Mat had felt your eyes on him but he was so lost in a daydream that he hardly registered it until your lips were brushing against his skin.

 It would be a summer wedding. Late in August. You always said you wanted to get married at a vineyard and Mat couldn’t exactly argue that a winery was an ideal location for a wedding. There was one not far from Coquitlam and he knew that the boys would have no problem flying out for the occasion.

It would probably be pretty small. While Mat knew a lot of people he liked to keep his life private and you were not one to enjoy being the center of attention. He would let you pick out the flowers but he would certainly come along to help because he could already hear you chastising him for not giving any input.

Mat would be happy if all you did was go down to the courthouse but he knew that you wanted a ceremony. And you deserved it. You had been there through everything with him, never letting him slip away from his roots even amongst all the craziness.

There would never be another person who could be for him what you were. Mat knew he'd wait forever for you. If it took months or years for you to get to him, he would wait.

 ~

 You hardly left Mat’s side all night. Not that he would have let you if you tried. You were stuck together like glue. And Jasmine made sure to point it out to you any chance she got.

 “So what are you going to do?” She asked, settling herself into the empty seat beside you. Mat was stuck in conversation with Ryan about golf when all he had really gotten up for was to congratulate him on the wedding. You giggled to yourself as you took another sip of wine.

 “Hello?” Jasmine laughed, waving her hand in front of your face.

 “Sorry,” you smiled as you turned to look at her, “What did you say?”

 Jasmine opened her mouth to repeat her question but the look on your face stopped her. You were so happy. Happy to be back home. Happy to be with your friends. Happy to be with Mat. It was a completely different version of you than the one she had seen in Nashville. She couldn’t ask you about the future with Mat now. She couldn’t take away this moment from you.

 “Nothing,” she shook her head, “Just a stupid joke.”

 You hummed, looking back at Mat once again. He had ditched his suit jacket almost two hours ago now, his tie stuffed in the breast pocket. As the night went on it seemed more and more buttons of his dress shirt came undone. Not that you were opposed. The silver chain around his neck caught the light every time he turned his shoulders towards you again as he shifted in conversation.

 “And when we have our wedding,” Mat grinned, his fingers moving to hold the chain that you had given him all those years ago, “This can be your something borrowed.”

You burst out laughing, hardly able to take Mat seriously.

“It wouldn’t really go with my dress though, would it?” You raised your brows at him, watching as he thought about it for a moment.

“You could always stick it somewhere else,” he smirked over at you, “Somewhere only I would find it.”

“Mathew!” You shrieked, launching a pillow at him that he dodged and sent back your direction.

While you took the pact you had made to heart, it seemed so silly whenever the two of you talked about it out loud. Which didn’t happen often since you still hadn’t told anyone about it.

Mat unclasped the chain and set it on his bedside table before rifling through his drawers for swim shorts. You were taking the boat out and he was afraid he would lose the necklace in the water if he didn’t take it off.

“I’m pretty sure with your big head you don’t have to worry about losing it,” you teased, ruffling his hair with your foot from where you laid out on his bed, already dressed in your bikini.

“I don’t have a big head,” Mat rolled his eyes, smacking your foot away.

“Mmm,” you hummed, “Maybe not physically.”

Mat’s jaw dropped as he tossed his t-shirt to the side,

“Are you implying that I have a big ego?”

“Would certainly be bigger if I weren’t around to humble you as often as I do,” you laughed, cackling when Mat tackled you on the bed, his hands finding your sides to start tickling you.

“You humble me too much for me to even get an ounce of an ego,” Mat said, halting his attack for a moment, now that he was hovering over you. His hips rested heavily between your legs and beneath the thin material of his shorts you could feel his length pressing against your core.

How easy it would be to take this a step further, you thought to yourself. His lips were just inches from yours. You could lean in so easily and just-

“Are you guys ready yet?” Liana’s voice came from the hall and Mat scrambled off of you while you rolled off the bed before she opened the door.

“Give me two minutes,” Mat groaned, shooing her away. You ducked your head, slipping out the door behind her.

You laughed to yourself at the memory. It felt like so long ago you had sat on the porch, the night before Jasmine’s wedding, and made that pact with him.

 One of the flower girls made her way over to Mat where he was stuck in conversation with Ryan’s elderly aunt. You could read her lips as she tugged on his suit jacket,

 “Mr. Barzal?”

 Mat was cut off mid sentence but there was a smile on his face as he crouched down to be eye level with her.She had a shy smile on her face as she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

 Your heart was swelling in your chest as his smile grew wider, speaking back to her with something you couldn’t make out. She nodded and clasped her hands together in front of her chest.

 Mat lifted his head to look at you. The look of adoration on your face as you watched the two of them had him wanting to give you a little girl of your own.

 He turned back to the flower girl and extended his hand towards her, letting her lead him to the dance floor.

 You were so lost in watching him spin her around on his feet that the rest of the room faded away for the next few minutes and it wasn’t until a gasp left Jasmine’s mouth that you found yourself back on earth.

 “Oh my god,” she breathed, looking past your shoulder towards the bar. You furrowed your brows and turned to figure out what had her wide eyed and panic struck.

 “Oh my god,” you echoed as your eyes fell on the person you last expected to see at the wedding.

 Lauren. Mat’s high school girlfriend. They were together senior year of high school up until they mysteriously broke up after a rough patch in their relationship. Nobody ever really knew what happened and Mat hated talking about it so eventually people stopped asking.

 You and Lauren had never had any bad blood. Everyone expected the two of you to hate each other, given that you were Mat’s best friend and she was his girlfriend but you liked Lauren. When they broke up you were probably the most confused out of everybody. But, Mat wouldn’t ever dish the details on what really happened that night she had shown up on his front porch just a few days before prom.

 In fact he hadn’t even been the one to tell you that they broke up. Jasmine had called you the morning of the dance as you were getting ready and spilled all the details she knew. You remember being confused, completely blindsided by the breakup and immediately calling Mat. Who said nothing.

 You didn’t really see Lauren again after that. There were a few occasions where she would be at bonfires during the summer but her and Mat were always cordial and she greeted you with a hug every time. So, the mystery remained.

 And now it had been years since you had seen her and with all of the other emotions in your mind you had a thought you hadn’t had in a while.

 Would Mat replace you the way he replaced Lauren?

 After their breakup Mat had been at his most promiscuous. You tried to pretend it hadn’t bothered you but that summer it seemed as though every time you saw him he had new hickeys and a new girl blowing up his phone. It wasn’t until his season picked back up and you were off at college that he finally chilled out.

 Since then he had remained pretty mellow. Most of it was because girls were less inclined to come up to him whenever you were at the bars with him and he pretty much refused to go out without you.

 However, seeing her was like a blast from the past and you found yourself gripping the table for stability until your knuckles turned white.

 You turned your attention back to the dance floor, the feeling of anxiety washing away as you watched Mat and the flower girl sway amongst the crowd. You rested your elbows on the table, a smile stuck on your face.

 “Well yeah but if you’re thinking kids and stuff you don’t want to wait too long,” Mat said.

“Oh so we’d have kids in this deal?” You teased.

“I want kids,” Mat was leaning forward now, elbows on his knees, “And I know you want kids.”

“Mat you can’t be serious about this,” you laughed airly. Mat cracked a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes,

“It’s just a back up plan. I’m not saying you’re not going to find the one somewhere down the road, but if we find ourselves in the same situation in the next ten years then why not?”

“You’re my security?” You smiled softly, feeling your heart swell just a little bit.

“Yeah,” Mat grinned, “I’ll be your security. Besides, I wouldn’t mind putting a baby in you. I think you’re going to be an awesome mom.”

“This seat taken?” Lauren’s voice brought you back to reality. She was standing beside the empty chair next to you and for the first time you realized Jasmine had slipped off in search of her husband.

 “Go ahead,” you smiled as she settled herself in the seat.

 “So I heard you’re in Nashville now,” she said. You nodded, shifting your body so you weren’t turned away from her.

 “Yeah, it’s been a few weeks now. I’ve honestly lost count,” you laughed softly.

 “Do you like it? I’ve never been but I’ve heard a lot of good things.”

 You paused for a moment, wetting your lips with your tongue,

 “Yeah. It’s nice.”

 Lauren searched your face for a second, like Mat had earlier when you avoided his question,

 “It’s a long way from home though, eh?”

 Subconsciously you let your gaze travel back to Mat, his laugh ringing in your ears even from across the room.

 “Yeah,” you sighed.

 Lauren looked at you and then back out on the dancefloor where Mat was letting the flower girl guide him across the floor in clumsy steps.

 “He’s a great guy,” she said quietly. You glanced over at her,

 “Yeah. He really is.”

 Lauren smiled at you,

 “You know when we broke up I thought he was finally going to stop being a completely lovesick idiot and ask you out, but it looks like he still just as stupid as he was four years ago.”

 You furrowed your brows, sitting back in your chair.

 Lauren laughed, shaking her head,

 “I guess he never told you the real reason we broke up.”

 You shook your head, stealing a glance at him once again. He had that boyish grin on his face, once perfectly styled hair falling over his forehead as he kneeled down to give the flower girl a hug before she bounded off towards her parents once again.

 When he straightened back up his eyes fell on you, his smile only widening when he realized you were already looking at him.

 “We broke up because I asked him if he had feelings for you….and he couldn’t say no.”

 You nearly got whiplash as you turned to look at her, conflicting emotions in your expression as you stared at her,

 “What?”

 Your words came out in a breath, barely a whisper. Mat was weaving through the chairs to get to you but you needed Lauren to tell you everything.

 “It was after their last game of the season and we were both there and I saw the way he was looking at you that night and I knew that he had never and would never look at me that way. And as hurt as I was that I had wasted my time on someone who didn’t love me back the way I loved them, I knew that you guys were made for each other.”

 Your heart was beating out of your chest, your mind racing with every emotion you could feel. Of course you knew Mat loved you now but you hadn’t ever known how long he had loved you for.

 “I’m so sorry,” you said, your voice cracking as you spoke.

 “No!” Lauren’s hand came to rest on your shoulder, “It’s not your fault. And I’m not mad or upset, even then. You guys are perfect for each other. Just know that I’m rooting for you guys. Seriously.”

 Mat’s cologne finally reached you and Lauren stood up, excusing herself with a smile and a pat on Mat’s shoulder. You barely even glanced at him as you pushed your chair back and made a beeline for the back door.

 “Where are you going?” Mat asked, confusion all over his expression as he followed after you. Nobody seemed to notice the two of you take off, Mat just a few feet behind you as you skipped across the stone path that led down to the dock.

 The sun was beginning to set and the string lights around the yard turned on, giving you the light you needed to reach your destination. The first few stars were reflecting off of the still lake like it was glass and you had an overwhelming urge to disrupt its peace.

 “Y/N! Wait!” Mat called after you. You finally reached the boardwalk and stopped, your breath a little uneven.

 “What did Lauren say to you?” Mat asked, his fingers catching your elbow in a touch that was soft.

 “Nothing,” you sighed, shaking your head.

 “What did she say?” Mat asked again.

 “Nothing,” you repeated, “Well….not nothing but-”

 “I don’t know why she would feel the need to come back after four years and stir up drama-” Mat began to ramble, his own panic setting in as he tried to figure out what it was that made you so upset.

 “Mat stop,” you said, grabbing his arm to silence him. He looked at you, concern set in his pretty features.

 “Four years, Mat,” you whispered, “Four years you’ve had feelings for me and you didn’t say anything.”

 “Wha-”

 “Lauren told me why you guys really broke up,” you said, “And you never confessed to me until this summer. We could have had everything Mat.”

 Tears were welling in your eyes again as you looked up at him.

 “We could have been together all this time and I would have never even thought to move to Nashville and I never would have had to make the decision to leave you and I wouldn’t know what it would be like to be without you but because you never told me the truth I have to spend every night alone in a city that I can’t even call home!” You cried.

 It was taking every ounce of self control that you had left to keep your voice down, not wanting to disrupt the wedding reception that was still happening in the main house.

 “I know,” Mat said, running his fingers through his hair, “I know that I should have said something the minute I knew but I was more afraid of losing your friendship. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I couldn’t risk losing you.”

 “I know that that should make me feel better, Mat but it doesn’t. Because look at where it got us,” you said, wiping at your tears.

 “Well what about you?” Mat asked, his voice wavering, “You never said anything either.”

 You stared down at your hands. He was right. The only time you confessed your feelings to him was the night of his 18th birthday but he was dead asleep on the couch in your basement, unaware.

 “I don’t have an answer for that,” you muttered. Mat chuckled, stepping closer to you and wrapping his arms around you,

 “Listen, pretty girl, we’re going to be okay. Even though we’re a few hundred miles apart, we’re going to be okay. Soon we’ll be together. And we’ll always have our pact.”

 You laughed, the sound muffled by his shirt.

 “You made the choice to move to Nashville and that’s okay. It’s a valid choice. If it makes you happy then I’m happy for you, okay? Being apart is just going to take some getting used to, yeah?” Mat said, rubbing circles on your back, his hand warm against your bare skin.

 You nodded. But were you happy in Nashville? It was a question that you had avoided asking yourself, afraid of the answer you might uncover.

 “And fuck I know we didn’t really talk about it but you’re my girl, okay? I know that we’re not together right now but there’s nobody else for me. And I know, I know, that we’re going to end up together eventually. One day the stars are gonna align for us and everything is going to work itself out. Okay? Can you hold on for me?”

 Mat was looking at you with so much sincerity and love in his eyes that you had no choice but to believe him.

 “I’m all yours, Mathew Barzal.”

 Mat cupped your face in his hands, bringing your lips to his. You curled your fingers around his dress shirt, pulling your bodies together as close as you could get. Mat let his hands drop to your waist, and lower still as he held you against him.

 “Mat,” you whispered, pulling back just enough to speak.

 “Hmm?”

 “Boat house?”

 Mat looked back over his shoulder to the shed just to the left of the dock. His eyes met yours again, a look of desperation and mischief dancing through them.

 “Boat house.”

 He took your hand in his and led you back across the dock towards the shed.  

 A few glances over his shoulder just to check nobody was watching or following, just to be safe, before he pushed open the door to the small shack.

 It was a dirt floor with one window on the opposite wall from the door. To the sides were stacks of inflatables and wake boards, along with fishing rods and various other water sport gear. The only light that illuminated the space was the setting sun that was coming in through the window and the lights from the main house.

 “Well...there are definitely less romantic places to have sex,” you muttered, trying not to catch your heels on the netting that was strewn across the floor. Mat chuckled as he shut the door behind you. As soon as it was in place he was catching your waist and bringing you back into him again,

 “You look so gorgeous right now.”

 “Right after I’ve cried?” You teased. Mat rolled his eyes,

 “Yes. You look beautiful when you’re sad, and emotional, and stressed, and when you’re happy, and at peace, and when you’re laughing-”

 “Okay, okay,” you giggled, “I get it.”

 “Do you? Because I can keep going,” Mat grinned.

 “Right now I kind of want you to get going on other things,” you hummed, dragging your nails over his exposed chest.

 “Let me show you just how much I’ve missed you,” Mat said, his voice low.

 Mat bumped his nose against yours before crashing your lips together. He was quick to tangle his tongue with yours, moving you back towards the wall so you could have something for leverage.

 You stumbled back against the fishing poles, nearly knocking them down like dominos before Mat caught your waist.

 “Easy, pretty girl,” he said softly. Your fingers curled around his dress shirt, one for stability and two to keep him close to you.

 “Mat,” you whispered, brushing his hair off of his forehead. Mat met your gaze, his eyes searching yours for answers. For his next move.

 “What?”

 “Please fuck me,” you said. Mat didn’t have to be told twice. He pushed you back against the wall, pressing his lips against yours as you fumbled with the remaining buttons of his shirt. Once you had it fully open you ran your palm across the smooth skin of his chest before looping your hand around the back of his neck. Mat dragged the material of your dress up your legs and over your hips, fingers dancing across your lace panties.

 “You’re so wet baby,” Mat murmured against your lips, grinning to himself when your body shuddered at the feeling of him running his fingers over your covered pussy.

 “Mat,” you whined. He pressed his lips against yours again, hands only leaving your waist so that he could undo his belt and push his trousers and boxers down just enough so he could free his hard length.

 “Think you can keep quiet for me?” Mat asked, nodding back towards the house where guests were still mingling. There was a faint sound of chatter and music but all you could hear was the sound of blood rushing in your ears and Mat’s ragged breathing mixed with yours.

 “Yes, yes,” you nodded eagerly, stroking him gently with your free hand. Mat’s eyes fluttered for a moment, begging to shut but he snapped himself back into reality. If the two of you had more time he would have sunk to his knees right there and hooked your leg over his shoulders so he could get a taste. But dirt on his pants wouldn’t exactly fair well in keeping this a secret.

 So instead, Mat hooked his long fingers around the flimsy material of your panties and pulled them to the side. You gasped at the feeling of him spreading your wetness around.

 “Fuck baby I want a taste so bad,” he hummed, slipping two fingers inside of you. Your grip on him tightened,

 “Don’t tease Mat,” you frowned. Mat lifted his eyes to yours again, a coy smile on his lips.

 “Why not?”

 “Mat,” you tried to sound stern but he was curling his fingers at just the right angle. You could barely keep your breath even.

 “Feel good babygirl?” He asked. You nodded, biting down on your bottom lip to stay quiet.

 “You want me to fill you up, eh?” Mat asked, leaning into you again so his lips brushed over yours.

 “Yes Mat, please, please fuck me,” you begged. Mat obliged, pulling his fingers from your soaked pussy and tapping your lips so you would take them in your mouth. Just as you swirled your tongue around the tips, eyes heavy on him, Mat slipped into you.

 “Ohmygod,” you moaned, eyes rolling back as you spoke with your mouth full. Mat pulled his fingers from your lips and gripped your jaw, catching your lips with his.

 With each stroke you dug your nails into his chest harder, trying to steady yourself as he thrust into you. There were surely going to be bruises on your shoulder blades from the wall and on your hips from how hard Mat was holding you. But you were so overcome with pleasure you didn’t even feel the pain in the moment. And even if you did you wouldn’t care.

 Mat knew exactly how to take care of your body. He hooked one leg up around his hip, giving himself the best angle for both of you.

 “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, burying his face in your neck. His teeth grazed the sensitive skin and sucked along your collarbones. You weren’t sure if he was leaving marks but if he did everyone would be able to see them. Just one more thing that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered more than having him there with you.

 “Mat I’m so close,” you panted, trying to find anything to hold onto.

 “Yeah baby?” Mat said, lifting his head to rest his forehead against yours. His hand dropped to your clit, rubbing hard and fast. A string of profanities left your mouth as your head dropped back, fingers tangled in his hair as you pulled him into you. Mat was pressing sloppy kisses along your exposed neck, chasing both of your highs.

 “I’m cumming, I’m cumming,” you gasped, pussy clenching around Mat’s hard cock as you came. Your body fell limp against the wall and Mat wrapped one arm around your back to steady you, thrusting a few more times as he finished.

 He pulled out slowly, catching the cum that dripped out on his fingers and licking them clean. You whimpered softly as he brushed over your sensitive clit.

 “Sorry baby,” he murmured, pressing his lips against your forehead. Mat moved your panties back into place and let your dress fall down over your hips again before adjusting himself.

 “They’re all gonna know,” you said, running your fingers through Mat’s hair. It had been perfectly styled and now it was obvious he, or someone, had been running their fingers through it. Mat ghosted his fingers over your neck, tracing the marks he had left,

 “Maybe. But every single person in there is drunk off their ass so I doubt they will care.”

 You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning up on your tiptoes to press a kiss against his lips.

 “What do you say we just get out of here?” Mat asked, chasing your lips.

 “Yeah?”

 “I just need to grab my jacket,” Mat said, “And maybe I can stay the night if you’ll let me.”

 You smiled, melting into him,

 “Please.”

 Mat smiled,

 “Okay, come on pretty girl. Let’s get you home.”

 ~

 What was supposed to be a quick round of goodbyes resulted in three more glasses of wine each and you and Mat finally dragging your drunk asses into an Uber at the end of the night. And you couldn’t seem to keep your hands to yourself.

 Fucking him in the boat house had only spurred you on and with his dress shirt still half unbuttoned you were itching to get him completely naked underneath you.

 His mind wasn’t far off from yours either. Mat kept his hand high on your thigh, beneath the material of your dress. With each bump in the road his fingers traveled closer and closer to where you wanted and needed him most.

 By the time you got back to your house you were practically dragging him behind you. It took everything in you to stay quiet as you kicked off your shoes by the door before leading him up to your room.

 Lucky for you your parents were already sound asleep given the late hour and your room was on the opposite side of the house from them. Still though, you were whispering at Mat to stay quiet through drunken giggles as he pulled his belt off and tossed it across the room. It hit your closet door, clattering loudly in the silent house.

 “Shh,” you hissed, clamping a hand over Mat’s mouth as he fought back laughter.

 “I’m trying,” he said, words muffled by your hand.

 “Try harder,” you said.

 “Then let me keep my mouth occupied,” he smirked, his fingers finding the zipper of your dress and tugging it down. The smooth material fell away from you, leaving you in just your panties in front of him.

 “Oh lord,” Mat sighed, drinking in the sight of you. He should have expected you weren’t wearing a bra, if the way your nipples had been showing through the thin fabric in the chilly, late summer air had been any indication.

 “Well come on superstar,” you smiled, walking backwards towards the bed. Mat’s feet were carrying him to you before he even had time to think about his next move.

 The back of your knees hit the mattress and before you collapsed Mat caught your waist and laid you down against the pillows. He spread your legs apart,

 “I bet you taste just as sweet as I remember.”

 You whined softly, attempting to grind your hips up against his hand as he brushed over your center.

 “I’m taking my time with you this round,” Mat murmured, pushing his pants to the floor. He was straining against his boxers but he wasn’t thinking about that right then. He licked his lips, climbing onto the bed. Your eyes fluttered shut as he settled himself between your thighs, his calloused hands rough against your soft skin.

 Painfully slow he dragged your panties down your legs, the cool air of your bedroom hitting your dripping heat.

 “So pretty,” he hummed. His lips were gentle against the inside of your thighs, slowly making their way to your pussy. The anticipation had your entire body buzzing and you just needed him to get there.

 And when he finally did make contact with your heat, licking a bold stripe up your slit, you found yourself falling into euphoric bliss. Time stopped, and everything seemed to look like stars.

 Each touch of his hand and tongue had your body on fire, aching for him. Your heart had been aching for him for a long time but tonight there was a different type of desire flooding through your veins.

 By the time he collapsed on the bed beside you, chest glistening in the moonlight, you were both breathless and exhausted. All you could do was curl into him, tugging the thin bed sheet over your naked bodies.

 You didn’t even care if your parents found his shoes by the door in the morning. Just one more night with him before you were back on a flight to Nashville was all that you wanted.

 Come morning, only a few short hours later, you were filled with dread once again. Mat’s words from the night before were still heavy in your mind and you knew that he meant every single one of them. However, it didn’t make the goodbye hurt any less than it had the first time. In fact, it hurt more. Because now you knew what it was like to be without him.

 But he asked you to hold on, so you would. Anything for him.

 ~

 Ever since Mat had returned to his place in Brooklyn he tried to stay busy.  Between training camp and the upcoming pre-season games he had a lot on his mind during the day. It was the quiet time in the evening that remained the hardest. And so Mat did what he did best. Distract himself.

 Almost every night he was hanging out with the guys in order to shut out the feelings of loneliness. Tonight was no different as he had some of them over to watch the football game. Even though he didn’t even like football.

 Which Tito had been sure to point out to him.

 Everyone knew why he was suddenly inviting them over for Sunday night football but nobody was brave enough to bring up the subject.

 They all missed you too. It wasn’t the same without you around. While many nights they had gagged amongst themselves over the blatantly obvious flirting that you and Mat would engage in, they missed it.

 You were a part of the Islanders’ family and always would be. Mat couldn’t imagine playing games and not seeing you up in the stands.

 He leaned back on the couch, his beer half drunk on the coffee table as Anders shouted at the TV. Anders and Marty were really the only ones who were semi invested in the game happening but Derick and Pager were rooting for the other team just to start an argument. Tito stayed mostly quiet in the corner, an eye on his best friend as he worked on his own beer.

 Every few minutes Mat would let out a heavy sigh and he tried to play it off like it was the game but the truth was he wasn’t giving an ounce of attention to the screen in front of him. He had his nose buried in his phone, watching your instagram story over and over again.

 You had gone out to dinner with some co-workers in Nashville and while he was happy to see that you were having a good time, given that you hadn’t divulged anything about work at the wedding, it made him miss you.

 He had been feeling this ever since he had been back in Brooklyn at the end of summer but now after having just seen you it weighed far more heavily. You should be sitting on the couch beside him, rolling your eyes at Pager’s jokes right along with everyone else. But you weren’t. And Mat didn’t think he would ever be over it.

 Mindlessly he reached for his chain, needing something to hold onto as the wave of missing you crashed over him. Mat dipped his fingers beneath the material of his hoodie, searching for the cool metal. His brows furrowed when he was met with just skin. He reached around to the back of his neck, trying to feel for the clasp at the back but he was met with nothing.

 “Fuck,” he cursed to himself, sitting up suddenly, catching the attention of the boys. He ran his fingers through his hair trying to think of when he had it last.

 It wasn’t like he ever took it off. It was the best gift you had ever given him and even when you were standing right beside him it was nice to have a piece of you close to his heart. And he just had to go and lose it.

 “Barz what are you doing?” Tito asked as Mat felt for the chain once again. There was a look of panic on his face and the guys exchanged glances, all rightfully confused.  

 “Nobody fucking move,” Mat said, standing up, his heart beating against his ribcage,

 “I lost it.”

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 5.

“Hey superstar, I was just calling, per your request, to let you know I made it to Nashville.”

“In one piece. It’s really hot here so I am not looking forward to unpacking in this heat, but it doesn’t look too bad. Maybe I will have to get a Preds jersey,” you laughed softly, “Speaking of- congrats on the contract! That’s amazing, I am so proud of you. You’re officially a veteran. I think...actually I don’t know the requirements to be considered an NHL veteran. Either way, congratulations. You deserve it. Call me when you get the chance, I gotta go. Love you, bye.”

Mat pressed play on the voicemail one more time, dragging his pillow over his face to muffle the loud groan of agony he let out. He should be happy. He was happy. On some level. Now that the contract was a done deal, another seven years on the Island, he should have felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. But he didn’t.

 He’d missed your phone call because he’d been on the other line with his agent and then it had slipped his mind that he needed to call you back until the next morning. And now he was dreading it. You knew he was going back to New York but having to face the reality that there was no chance of him ending up in the same city as you was terrifying. As happy as he knew you were for him, he could hear the disappointment lacing your words. Things had been so perfect. How had they fallen apart so quickly?

 Mat pushed himself to sit up, glancing at the time on the clock. He needed to be at his training session in twenty minutes and he hadn’t even changed yet.

 “Fuck,” he cursed to himself quietly. Did he have enough time to call you? If he got ready fast and called you in the car maybe. Tyson’s name flashing across his screen interrupted that thought.

 “What’s up?” Mat put the phone on speaker as he stripped himself of his hoodie and sweat shorts so he could change.

 “Are you still giving me a ride?” Tyson asked, a hint of a laugh in his voice. Mat had completely forgotten he was supposed to pick up Tyson, he’d been so busy thinking about how long he could go without calling you back.

 It wasn’t that he didn’t want to hear your voice or talk to you. He just didn’t know how much it was going to hurt.

 So he didn’t call. For a while. You texted him a few times, random thoughts of yours throughout the day, and he would give short responses. Just enough to let you know he was still there but not enough to give away the fact that he was working up the courage to call you again.

 ~

 Towards the end of August, almost a month after you’d moved to Nashville, you were laying in bed and trying to find sleep. It hadn’t been as easy as it had been in Vancouver. Getting used to a new sleeping environment, especially alone, was hard. The mattress you had gotten wasn’t quite as soft and the blankets didn’t feel quite the same. There was also that new apartment smell lingering in the air no matter how many candles you lit throughout the day.

 Your bed at home, both in Vancouver and New York, had always sort of smelled like Mat. He always made himself comfortable against your pillows, leaving the scent of his shampoo and cologne ingrained in the cotton sheets. It was comforting. It was home.

 What wasn’t home was your new apartment.

 Moving had been harder than you expected. Leaving your family and all of your friends behind was something you had done before. You had moved to New York when you were 18 years old to go to college but you had had Mat then. That was the biggest difference between New York and Nashville.

 For the most part you had kept busy. Apparently putting together an apartment was not nearly as fun, or easy, as you thought it would be. In the past you’d had the assistance of roommates in decorations and aesthetics. And of course, you’d had Mat. Mat who would sit on the floor with you, attempting to screw the legs of the coffee table together while you read the directions to him as best you could. Mat who never once, well...maybe a few times, complained about having to carry the heavy rug you’d bought at Urban Outfitters up the stairs in your elevator-less building. And Mat who not only went grocery shopping with you but volunteered to go grocery shopping with you. Even if he slipped way more snacks into your cart than were on your list.

 “Indulge yourself,” he would say, “You deserve it babe.”

 Your phone pinged on the bedside table, your entire room lighting up. On the off chance that it was the one person you were dying to hear from you sat up and reached for your glasses before unplugging your phone and rolling back over in bed.

 Mat: haha yeah i know

That was it. That was his response to what you thought should have garnered a much more enthusiastic reply. But it had been like this for weeks now. It was like you were interrupting him every time you texted. And not that Mat sat on the couch all day long but seriously, what was he up to? The two of you had done practically everything together since high school and so to have him seem “busy” while you were across the continent from him felt odd.

 Y/N: Barz I have walked through deserts less dry than you

It was a little harsh but it was teasing enough that Mat wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, take it to heart too bad. You just wanted something more than a cliche response. If you wanted someone to text you “haha yeah” you’d download tinder and take your pick.

 Mat: sorry, sorry i’m just tired

Y/N: all the time or just when you’re talking to me?

You chewed the inside of your cheek, anxiously awaiting his response.

 Mat: hey now

Y/N: i’m just saying. It’s been almost a month and we’ve hardly talked at all :(

Y/N: i hate to admit it but i miss your stupid face

Mat took a deep breath, pushing back the wave of emotions he felt. He sat up, flicking on the light by his bed and checking his reflection for a moment. Why was he so nervous to talk to you? You’d known him forever and had certainly seen him in worse states. You had been in high school together for god’s sake. Nevertheless, Mat tugged his hood on to hide the fact he hadn’t gotten a haircut in a while before pressing the FaceTime button. Almost immediately you picked up.

 “And to think I thought you’d forgotten about me completely,” you teased, a grin playing at your lips as you propped your phone up against your pillows. Mat felt his heart jump at that smile, your glasses perched on your nose. God he missed you.

 “I know, I haven’t been great lately,” Mat sighed, turning to lay on his side. You furrowed your brows.

 “I mean, with communication,” Mat backtracked, “I’m fine. Personally, I’m fine.”

 You almost didn’t believe him but decided against spending your first real conversation trying to get him to tell you what was wrong. He always told you eventually, whether on purpose or by accident so you let it slide.

 “How’s the homeland? Miss me yet?” You asked, feeling a crack in your voice as you realized that you were a thousand miles away from him and you had no idea when you’d see him again.

 Mat chuckled softly, glancing away from the screen for a moment. You swore you saw tears in his eyes but maybe it was just the dim lighting of his room making them look glassy. He cleared his throat,

 “Yeah. Of course.”

 You bit down on your bottom lip, tears welling in your eyes as you fought them back.

 “Of course I miss you.”

 You played with the strings of your hoodie, blinking your tears away and hoping he couldn’t see them behind the glare of your glasses. When you didn’t say anything right away Mat raised his eyebrows,

 “No ‘I miss you too Maty, everything sucks here without you.’ Nothing?”

 His tone was teasing and it pulled a smile from you as you lifted your head to look at him.

 “Maty? You hate that.”

 “Most of the time,” Mat shrugged. He blushed slightly but he hoped you couldn’t see it as he buried his head farther into his hood.

 “But not all the time?”

 “Not when it comes from you,” Mat admitted, “You can call me whatever you want, pretty girl.”

 “Mathew Barzal are you flirting with me?” You asked, watching as that beautiful wide smile spread across his face, his eyes lighting up as he laughed.

 “I’m always flirting with you,” he said, running his fingers through his hair and bumping his hood off in the process. You admired his sleepy expression, the way his smile finally seemed to reach his eyes. It had been a while since you’d seen that. It made you feel guilty but you knew he’d be pissed if you blamed yourself. So, you pushed away that feeling and tried to focus on the fact that Mat was there with you. Not in person but the next best thing.

 “I miss you too, Maty.”

 That night you and Mat stayed on the phone for nearly three hours. He was telling you every little thing he could remember. Whether it was what smoothie Tyson ordered after training or exactly how badly he got sunburned while out on the boat. And you didn’t even care. You would have gladly listened to him read you the telephone book if that’s all he could give you.

 The distance hurt but not hearing from him at all hurt more. So, when Mat finally demanded that you hang up and get some sleep you wouldn’t let him go until he promised he’d call at least once a week.

 He said he’d do you one better and promised you two.

 ~

 “So this is it?” Jasmine was grinning ear to ear as she stepped into your apartment. She had come for a weekend trip, wanting to see your new place and explore the city a bit. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little disappointed to see that she was in fact alone when you picked her up from the airport.

 “It still needs a little decorating,” you said, glancing around the relatively empty space, “But it’s clean.”

 “Cleaner than your place in New York,” she teased.

 “No rats,” you sighed, giving a dramatic eye roll. Jasmine set her bag down in the guest room before giving herself a tour. It was already pretty late in the afternoon so you pulled a bottle of wine from the fridge and poured out two glasses.

 “So how’s married life?” You asked, wanting to keep the conversation away from your own personal life as long as possible. As much as you were dying to ask how Mat was doing you almost didn’t want to know. It would hurt to hear that he was doing perfectly fine without you. It seemed a little evil to hope he was at least suffering to some of the same extent you were but you couldn’t help it.

 “Oh no,” Jasmine waved her finger at you, accepting the wine glass you handed her before sinking onto the couch, “You are not going to avoid the topic that easily.”

 “What?” You played dumb, taking a sip from your glass as you got comfortable across from her.

 “How are you and Mat?” She asked, a teasing smile on her lips. Like she was waiting for juicy details of late night FaceTime calls or steamy texts.

 There had been a handful of late night, slightly drunken texts exchanged over the past few weeks but nothing that warranted the desire to dish the details to Jasmine.

 “We’re fine,” you shrugged. Jasmine eyed you closely, lifting her chin as she debated whether or not she believed you.

 “Okay,” she sighed, “So now that you’re done lying to me, how was the sex?”

 You choked on the sip of wine you’d taken, coughing as you stared at her wide eyed.

 “Don’t look so surprised,” Jasmine laughed, nearly cackling.

 “I’m fucking shocked,” you said, “We didn’t tell anyone. On purpose.”

 “Look,” Jasmine held her hands up in defense, “I didn’t tell anyone and no one told me. I just happened to go use the bathroom on the second floor and I heard what I could only assume was sex happening in the back bedroom.”

 You felt your entire body get hot. You certainly hadn’t been as quiet as you should have been given the house being as busy as it was.

 “And then when you guys reappeared later, after having been gone for a suspicious amount of time, I put the pieces together,” Jasmine said.

 “Damn,” you sat back, “We really thought we got away with it.”

 “If I’d had one more shot I maybe wouldn’t have noticed,” she laughed, “And nobody else did. Except maybe Tyson but that kid is like a safe he doesn’t spill any secrets.”

 You nodded in agreement. If you trusted anyone with your life besides Mat it was Tyson.

 “So,” Jasmine prompted again, “How was it? It had to have been good you were...vocal.”

 “Oh my god,” you groaned, hiding your face behind your glass.

 “Don’t be embarrassed! It sounded hot,” Jasmine laughed. You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head to yourself.

 “It was good. It was better than good,” you sighed. You hadn’t just been fucking, that was the difference.

 “As cliche as it sounds we weren’t just hooking up, you know,” you said. Jasmine raised her eyebrows at you, clearly wanting an explanation.

 “At my cousin's wedding,” you said slowly, “Mat told me he loved me.”

 The gasp that Jasmine took nearly sucked all of the air out of the room.

 “You didn’t tell me?” She cried, smacking her hand on the couch.

 “We weren’t going to say anything until we had the chance to talk about what it meant for us, because obviously I’m in love with him too-”

 Jasmine gave a dramatic eye roll, nodding in agreement. You let a laugh slip past your lips as you continued,

 “But, we never really got the chance. When we got back from the wedding he was leaving for that training camp for the week and then I got the email about Nashville. And then everything just became complicated all over again.”

 “It doesn’t have to be,” Jasmine said. You fell quiet. She was right. Things didn’t have to be hard. You just needed to be honest with Mat. Put everything on the line. You knew that he loved you and that you loved him, that was probably the scariest admission. Now it was just the nitty gritty stuff.

 “Long distance relationships work all the time,” Jasmine said, “It’s not easy, but neither is this. And is this really making you happy? Being without him?”

 “It sucks,” you admitted, feeling tears in your throat, “I miss him so much it hurts. But I’m afraid he doesn’t need me like I need him. And I’m the one that left. I did this.”

 “He would never blame you, you know that,” Jasmine scooted across the couch, taking your hand,

 “I think you guys need to have that conversation still. Even though everything is different, the feelings are still the same.”

 You nodded, sniffling.

 “Tell him at the wedding,” Jasmine said. You snapped your head up, confused,

 “The wedding?”

 “Yeah…” Jasmine trailed off, “Chantelle and Ryan’s wedding? It’s at the end of August. We all just assumed you were coming home for the weekend. Guess we never thought to ask.”

 “Fuck,” you groaned, bringing your free hand to your face, “I completely forgot.”

 “And…” Jasmine spoke slowly, “You and Mat RSVP’d together for that wedding.”

 ~

 Mat stopped half way through his story to Tito when his phone started buzzing on the countertop between them. It was you. Mat immediately wondered if everything was okay. Usually you called to catch up in the evenings but it was the middle of the day.

 Tito smirked to himself when Mat answered on the third ring. He leaned onto his elbows, listening intently to the conversation.

 “Hey, what’s going on?” Mat asked, glaring down at Tito. He knew exactly what his friend was doing.

 “Hi,” you let out a relieved sigh on the other end of the line, “Nothing, everything’s fine. I just needed to talk to you about something.”

 Mat and Tito exchanged a glance, both sets of eyebrows raised.

 “What’s up?” Mat tried to keep his voice steady.

 “So…” you started slowly, unsure how to bring up the subject, “Next weekend is Chantelle and Ryan’s wedding…”

 Mat cursed to himself, hand over his phone so you wouldn’t hear him. He had completely forgotten that was happening. The date had slipped his mind entirely. The two of you had planned on flying back from New York together, back before everything happened. Now the thought of accompanying you to a wedding the way he always had, as a placeholder date, made him feel sick.

 “Right,” Mat cleared his throat, letting you continue.

 “I was just wondering if you were still planning on coming?” You asked, trailing off slightly. You didn’t want to assume that things were exactly the same as they had been when you’d originally made your plans for this wedding. They certainly weren’t.

 “Uh,” Mat stalled for a moment, ignoring the confused expression on Tito’s face as he turned his back, “I can’t.”

 “Mat you promised,” you said quietly. Your tone wasn’t accusatory, it was hurt. Mat felt his heart grow heavy at your disappointment.

 “I know,” Mat sighed, “I’m so sorry. Just with training camp and stuff I can’t. Things are different than I thought they would be this pre-season.”

 You didn’t miss the underlying message in his words.

 “Right, yeah, of course,” you forced a cheerful tone, “I get it.”

 “Y/N,” Mat said gently, like your name was glass and his voice was marble.

 “Mat,” you laughed softly, “It’s okay. I’ll just have to avoid her creepy single uncles a little more carefully.”

 Mat let out a breath of a laugh, carding his fingers through his hair.

 “I’m really sorry.”

 He felt guilty lying to you. He’d gone to plenty of weddings with you but that was before.

 “It’s okay Mat,” you said again, voice gentle. Mat tried to ignore the fact that you weren’t calling him by his nickname but it hurt to know he was breaking your heart.

 “Look I gotta go but we’ll talk later, yeah?” Mat said.

 “Yeah, definitely,” you said. Mat paused for a moment before saying goodbye for real.

 “I love you,” he said. He could hear your breath catch on the other line before you replied.

 “I love you too.”

 Tito was staring at Mat expectantly when he got off the phone.

 “Don’t.” Mat groaned, tossing his phone onto the counter.

 “I’m gonna,” Tito chuckled, “What the hell dude?”

 “What?”

 “You can’t go to the wedding?” Tito asked, “Did you get dropped on your head as a baby? What are you doing?”

 “Harsh,” Mat laughed dryly.

 “Mat you’re in love with her, right?” Tito asked. Mat nodded solemnly, holding his face in his hands as he leaned against the counter.

 “So go home for the wedding. Tell her for real. I am sick of watching you mope around the house because she’s in Nashville. So what? So there’s a few hundred miles between you, it’s not impossible. And it can’t be any harder than it is right now,” Tito said. Mat knew that Tito was right on a lot of levels. It was painful to be apart from you, more painful still knowing that you weren’t his. That you could be out doing god knows what with god knows who. But what would going home for the wedding do besides remind him that you were in love with each other but living two different lives?

 “I can’t, Tito,” Mat said, his words muffled by his palms, “I can’t.”

 ~

 The guilt weighed heavy on Mat the next few days. It didn’t help that Jasmine called him and gave him an absolute earful about how he should be there. Mat wondered if you had told her about the last wedding. Or the night of the bonfire.

 Either way she really made him think twice about his decision to forgo the wedding with you.

 “At the end of the day you’ll do what you need to do for yourself, and that’s okay. It really is,” Jasmine had said, “But is missing this going to make you feel better? Because I don’t think it will. None of us thought things would play out like this for you guys but it’s not over until it’s over, Mat. You of all people should know this.”

 Her words swirled around in his mind as he lay in bed at night. It felt cold and empty in his apartment. Most nights the past four years you would come over for dinner or a movie. Bringing your light filled aura with you.

 Mat turned over again, the bed creaking as he did so. Since when did it feel so much like concrete? Mat closed his eyes and let his mind wander. Back in his Seattle days when he found himself struggling to sleep because of game stress or school stress he would replay his favorite memories with you in his mind until sleep found him. And tonight seemed to be one of those nights. He found comfort in you once again.

 “Mathew!” You shrieked as his feet tripped you up and sent you face first into the muddle puddle swamping the trail ahead of you.

“Oh shit!” Mat’s hands curled around your arms, pulling you back up as you were now soaked with rain and muddy water.

“What the hell?” You smacked his arm, shoving him away from you.

“It was an accident!” He tried to stifle his laughter but he failed miserably as you stood there looking a bit like a drowned rat. He had suggested that the two of you go hiking but despite the fact that it was summer in Vancouver the skies had opened up and rain started pouring when you were nearly three miles from the car. It was supposed to be a bit overcast and the chance of rain had been low but clearly mother nature had different plans.

“I wanted to go golfing,” Mat defended with a teasing tone as you frowned up at him.

“We would have gotten just as wet golfing,” you huffed, wringing out your sleeves. Mat frowned,

“I didn’t mean to make you trip.”

You glowered up at him, peeling your now soaking wet jacket from your body to reveal the tank top you were wearing.

“This is useless now,” you said, moving to tie it around your waist. Mat stopped you, removing his own jacket that was much drier than the one you had. A huge raindrop fell from the tree branch ahead, smacking you on the forehead.

“Here.”

“I don’t need-”

“I practically drowned you in a mud puddle just take the jacket,” Mat sighed. You finally conceded, grateful to have something warm to put on. Mat held onto your soggy jacket the rest of the hike, accepting the fact that his t-shirt was completely saturated with water. It clung to his broad chest and strong back, making it hard for you to keep your eyes focused on the trail in front of you as Mat led the way back to the car.

 Mat thought you might have learned your lesson that day, the importance of bringing a jacket with you, but it never did seem to click. Part of him believed it was because you would much rather wear one of his hoodies than your own jackets and that part of him is what kept him from lecturing you too hard every time you left the house.

 Then again, you were horrible about learning lessons. You let yourself get burned by the same scenarios a thousand times and while it frustrated Mat to no end he was always there to pick up the pieces.

 Mat was about five seconds away from throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you up the last flight of stairs. You were slumped against the stairs, pouting up at him like a five year old child.

“Y/N,” Mat pleaded, “Just a few more steps and then you can sleep, okay?”

“I don’t want sleep,” you whined, laying back and throwing your arm over your face.

“What do you want?”

“I want to go have sex, Mathew, if you must know,” you slurred. Mat felt a pang of jealousy as he thought about the last guy you’d been talking to who had turned out to be talking to at least four other girls at the same time. He knew that you had really liked him, and per your drunken ramblings he was really good in bed, but he also knew he had completely broken your heart when you found out he was seeing other people.

“So unless you’re gonna help me with it,” you said, “I’m gonna go.”

“No you’re not,” Mat sighed, reaching for you again.

“If you touch me I’ll scream,” you threatened. Mat cursed to himself, dragging his hands over his face.

“Can I at least take you back to your apartment and then we can talk about calling an uber?” Mat asked. He had no intention of letting you near any device that might give you access to this asshole but if it got you inside your apartment and out of the dingy stairwell he would say anything.

“Is there ramen in the apartment?” You asked, peering up at him from beneath your arm. Mat nodded. You smiled sleepily and extended your arms to him, allowing him to lean down and pick you up. Despite having a hard practice just a few hours earlier Mat carried you bridal style up that last flight of stairs and all the way into your apartment. Your eyes were already growing tired, your arms looped lazily around his neck.

Normally Mat would have settled you on the couch but he took you into your bedroom, dropping you onto the bed. You rolled onto your side, curling into yourself, fully prepared to fall asleep in your clothes and makeup.

“No no no,” Mat said, moving to take your shoes off, “You need to eat and drink some water.”

You whined in protest but as Mat put your shoes away you began to strip yourself of your clothes. Mat tried his best to avert his eyes as you rambled on about something unintelligible. He dug out something for you to sleep in before moving back into the kitchen to make you food and get you a large glass of water.

He heard you stumbling around in your room, what sounded like you doing your nightly skincare despite the fact you were probably in one of the drunkest states he’d ever seen you in.

“Mat?” You appeared in the doorway of your room, a sheepish smile on your face.

“What’s up?” He asked, extending a glass of water to you.

“Can I go?” You asked, a hopeful look in your drunk eyes. Mat wanted to laugh at the fact you were asking his permission to go have sex with the asshole you’d spent the last two weeks ranting about to him.

“Y/N,” Mat sighed, slipping the glass of water into your hands and stealing your phone, “Eat first.”

You pouted but you obliged, glaring at him the entire time. Mat knew you’d thank him when you were sober so he tried his best not to laugh at your childish expression. As soon as you were done eating you sprang from the kitchen table and dashed into your room. Mat was sliding across the floor in his socks, catching your waist as you came back out, undoubtedly on your way to the front door of your apartment.

“Ah ah ah, I don’t think so,” Mat scolded, all but dragging you back into the bedroom. He kicked the door shut and stood in your path, challenging you to fight his hockey player frame in your drunken state.

“You are no fun,” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“And I love you too,” Mat teased, gently pushing you back towards the bed. He pulled the sheets back and gestured for you to climb in.

“No you don’t,” you frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Yes I do,” Mat said softly. He kicked his own shoes off and rummaged around your drawers for something to sleep in while you ranted about how much boys sucked. He couldn’t find any shorts to sleep in so he decided fuck it and stripped himself to his boxers, kicking his clothes to the side.

“Oh?” You perked up at the sight of him half naked and in your bedroom, the alcohol in your system lowering your governor.

“If you think I’m going to let you go and get your heart broken again by this asshole you are poorly mistaken babe,” Mat said, nudging you to scoot over. Your shoulders dropped as, even in your current state, you realized Mat was not getting into bed with you for any reason other than to be a good friend.

You curled into his side nevertheless. Tears were welling in your eyes, all of your emotions hitting you at once.

“Hey,” Mat lifted his head, “Why are you crying.”

“Boys suck! And they’re so stupid!” You cried, burying your head in his chest as he wrapped both his arms around you.

“I know babe, I know.”

That was the first time Mat had really seen you cry over a boy. Most of it was your drunken stupor but it pained him all the same. He swore to himself he’d never be the guy to make you cry. After defending you all throughout high school, any time anyone tried to start shit with you, he had appointed himself as your number one supporter. Making you cry was not something he ever intended on doing. At least...not emotionally. He had certainly made you cry a few times due to his own clumsiness.

 “I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t put a hole in the ceiling,” you laughed, watching as Mat unwrapped the foil from the champagne bottle he had brought to the pre-game. The boys had had a game that night, despite it being New Years Eve and with another win in the books it was time to celebrate. You had originally thought you’d be going out with some of your college friends but Mat nearly gagged at the thought of you celebrating without him. You tried to explain to him that you did in fact have other friends but when he told you he’d buy you a dress for the occasion it was hard to say no. And he had that stupid pout on his face that made your heart melt every time.

So, now you were standing in Anders’ kitchen, talking to Grace and Sydney in a sparkly black two piece set while Mat prepared to open a bottle of champagne. He’d let you pick it out and then proceeded to chirp you for the fact that you only chose it because it was pink and sparkly. But what did he expect? You didn’t know the first thing about wine, every decision was made based on the aesthetic of the bottle.

“Well at least we know he can afford to fix it if he does,” Grace laughed, rolling her eyes playfully. The loud pop startled all of you but it wasn’t what made you scream. What made you scream was the fact that the cork had hit you right on the brow bone, nearly blinding you.

“Mathew!” You cried, your hand clutching your face. He was by your side almost immediately, his fingers curling around your wrist so he could look at the damage he had done.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Let me see, let me see,” Mat had worry written all over his face as he saw tears welling in your eyes.

“Why didn’t you warn me?” You asked, swatting his chest, bottom lip pouted out.

“I didn’t think it was gonna go that fast, I’m sorry pretty girl,” Mat gently pulled your hand away. There was certainly a bruise but it was not nearly as bad as it could have been. Luckily you were standing far enough away that the impact wasn’t as forceful as it might have been if you’d been right on the other side of the counter.

“You’re so dumb Barzy,” you gave him a playful shove, a laugh slipping past your lips. Mat let his shoulders relax. At least you were still smiling.

“And you’ve probably ruined my makeup,” you rolled your eyes, gritting your teeth when your temple ached at the action. You dragged him with you to the bathroom, needing to survey the damage for yourself.

“No babe you look good,” Mat assured you but he followed behind nonetheless, hands on both of your shoulders. You were happy your back was to him as a smile spread across your face at the pet name.

“Oh my god it’s already bruising,” you cried as you leaned against the bathroom counter.

“You can hardly tell!” Mat protested, running his thumb over the area lightly.

“Mat I look like I’ve been punched,” you whined, looking up at him. Even in the harsh bathroom lighting he looked handsome. He was dressed in his suit pants and a dress shirt with the top few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled. The chain of his necklace was tucked just below the collar and you so badly wanted to run your fingertips along the cool metal. He looked like he was an off duty model. It was stupidly unfair.

“Hey but we’re matching,” Mat tried weakly, gesturing to the mark he was sporting on his cheekbone from taking a puck to the face earlier in the game that evening. You rolled your eyes at his attempt to make you feel better, but your laugh betrayed you.

“It’s really not that bad,” Mat said, glancing at your reflection in the mirror and then back at your face. He still had his hand gently caressing your cheek and he felt you lean into his palm ever so slightly.

“Promise?”

“Mhmm,” Mat nodded, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against it. Your eyes fluttered shut for a moment, reveling in the feeling.

“How’s my makeup?” You asked, as if Mat would be able to tell if any of it had been ruined.

“Babe,” Mat laughed, “You look stunning. Even with your bruise.”

You frowned.

“What can I do to make it better?” He asked, thumb brushing over your cheekbone.

“Kiss it better?” You asked, eyes sparkling as you smiled up at him. Mat pretended to roll his eyes, his heart doing a backflip in his chest. He leaned down once again, pressing a handful of kisses against the mark. You let your fingers curl around the material of his shirt, holding him close to you. It would be so easy to just reach up on your tiptoes and plant your lips on his. The scent of his cologne mixing with your perfume was overwhelming your senses and you wanted so badly to tangle your fingers in his hair, ruining the perfectly styled locks.

“Hey are you okay?” Tito’s voice sounded on the other side of the door, his knuckles rapping against the wood.

Mat closed his eyes for a second, lips ghosting over your forehead as he took a calming breath. Of fucking course. He’d been about five seconds away from tilting your chin up to press his lips against yours but Tito’s drunk ass just had to come wandering down the hall.

Without removing himself from you, Mat reached back and opened the door, giving Tito an unimpressed look. Tito was only about three shots in so he didn’t miss the look of disdain on Mat’s face but it was hard for him to fight the smirk.

“I’m fine,” you assured him, loosening your grip on Mat’s shirt, smoothing your hands over the material.

“Thanks for checking,” you said, hesitantly stepping back from Mat though your palms were still flat against his abdomen. For a moment it looked like he didn’t want you to go but you were a few drinks in yourself and you didn’t want to read into it too much. You let your hands drop from his chest and you brushed past him and Tito on your way back out to the party. Mat ran his fingers through his hair, trying to shake what almost happened from his mind. He thought Tito had followed you back down the hall so he nearly jumped out of his skin when Tito was standing there in the doorway still, a knowing grin on his face.

“What?” Mat groaned, pushing Tito out into the hall and turning off the bathroom light.

“Dude you’re so into her it makes you look stupid,” Tito teased, laughing all too loud for Mat’s comfort. Mat peered around the corner of the hallway, watching as you rejoined the girls, accepting a glass of champagne that Jordan handed you.

“It does not make me look stupid,” Mat huffed. There was no point in denying it, especially to Tito. He was right. He was so into you. Not in a way that made him look stupid though, just in a way that made it hurt.

Mat rolled onto his back, now more awake than ever. He had been the cause for your tears too many times. And in the emotional way. Something he had told himself he’d never do. There wasn’t any way for him to go back and fix the things that he had done in the past but he had the opportunity to right at least one wrong.

 Mat reached for his chain, curling his fingers around the stone. You’d gotten it for him at the beginning of his NHL career. It was supposed to bring him strength and courage. You had always told him to hold onto it whenever he needed a sense of stability. He had listened to you read to him the significance of the stone multiple times over the years, how it could help during times of change. He needed it now more than ever, especially without you there.

 Maybe you were happy out in Nashville. Maybe, hopefully, it was everything that you had ever dreamed of. Even if it was, Mat wanted to give you something worth coming home to.

 ~

 You felt anxious and you didn’t know why. Actually, you did know why. It had been years since you’d been to a wedding without Mat by your side and today you were having to face that grave reality. The promise that he’d be there kept replaying in your mind. Sure it had been months ago and everything had changed since then but a promise was a promise.

 It made you think back to the night before Jasmine’s wedding. Sitting out on the back porch you had made a promise. A promise that you’d be there for each other even ten years down the line. A promise that you would spend the rest of your lives together. For you, that night hadn’t been an “if”. It was “when”. Mat was your person. And deep down you knew that you were his. That pact wasn’t just a pact. You fully intended on marrying Mat one day. Even while you were living several hundred miles away.

 You debated calling him, just chatting with him might settle your nerves before you absolutely had to be in the car and driving to the venue. You regretted not catching a ride with Jasmine but the last thing you wanted to do was show up as a third wheel. It was better for your confidence to show up as an independent, freedom rider. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

 As you were digging your phone from your clutch there was a knock on the door. You furrowed your brows, confused as to who might be stopping by on a Saturday. Your parents weren’t home, having gone on a hike since you were going to be out most of the day anyway. If they had been expecting visitors they had failed to give you a heads up. Not to mention you now really needed to go or you were going to be late.

 Your heels echoed in the hallway as you walked over to the door, holding your dress up just enough so you wouldn’t trip. When you pulled the door open you swore your heart stopped beating.

 Like a fairytale dream, Mat was standing on the porch with the sunlight dripping down on him. And he was in a suit. With a tie that matched your dress.

 “Hey,” he breathed, nerves evident in his eyes as he stared down at you, hands shoved in his pockets.

 “Hi,” you said softly, trying to wrap your mind around the fact that he was standing there in front of you.

 “Need a date?” He asked, a shy smile on his lips. You stepped out onto the porch and threw your arms around his neck. Mat let his eyes slip closed, arms wrapping around your waist as he held you close against him.

 It felt like it had been longer than a month since he’d seen you. It felt like years since he’d held you. The scent of your shampoo was filling his senses as he buried his face in your neck. The same as it always had been. He breathed a sigh of relief. You were exactly as he’d remembered you.

 You pulled back first, just enough so you could brush his hair off of his forehead to get a good look at his face.

 “What are you doing here?”

 Mat scanned your face, admiring that smile that looked like home. His hands held your waist tightly, like he was afraid you might leave without him again.

 “I made a promise.”

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 4.

“How is he taking it?” Jasmine asked cautiously, her tone telling you that she knew on some level that there was tension between the two of you. You only offered a shrug in response,

 “As well as one would expect.”

 Jasmine rolled her eyes but you didn’t catch it, too busy mulling over whether you should pack Mat’s hoodies or return them to their rightful owner.

 “Maybe he’ll come chasing after you in the airport as you board your flight, finally confessing his undying love for you,” Jasmine joked, missing the way your face twisted in pain at her words. She still didn’t know that Mat had already done that. And that’s what was making this so hard.

 “Do you think I’m making the right decision?” You asked quietly. Jasmine stopped what she was doing, taking a deep breath.

 “Babe.”

 “Like I know I am, at least in terms of my career and building my resume, but what about in terms of life?” You elaborated. Jasmine took a seat on your bed,

 “You can never be sure.”

 You gave an airy laugh, stuffing the hoodies into a box at your feet.

 “You can never know one hundred percent that you’re making the right decision,” Jasmine continued, ignoring your scoff, “But you have to trust your gut. If it feels right it feels right. Life works itself out and I know that sounds cliche and corny and whatever but it’s true. You can’t be afraid to lose control just a little bit. Nothing will ever go to plan exactly how you want it but you’ll always end up where you’re supposed to be with the people you’re supposed to be with.”

 You chewed on your lip, a habit that had become increasingly worse over the last few days of packing and sorting through logistics of your move.

 The problem was that you didn’t know if the decision felt right. It certainly sounded like the right move to make but you couldn’t tell if the feeling in your gut was your intuition or your anxiety. If Mat could just stop being so damn selfish for five minutes you might be able to confess to someone that you didn’t know whether you were doing the right thing. But he was MIA and you were going to have to figure it out without him.

 ~

 Mat was up with the sun, slipping into running clothes as quietly as possible in the early hour. It had been four days since you’d dropped the news on him, only six left until you were gone. The guilt in his chest seemed to grow heavier with each day that passed, tenfold whenever a text of yours went unanswered.

 Y/N: can we please talk?

Y/N: i can’t go through this without my best friend

Y/N: mat please

Y/N: i’m still going to be there for you, i promise

He was trying to be rational and supportive through it all but there was so much pain in his chest that he could barely breathe most days. It was a feeling so foreign to him he didn’t know how to deal. He’d thrown himself into his training and was running every morning to try and clear his mind, exhaust his body so that he could find sleep. You weren’t even gone yet and life was already harder without you.

 Things felt unfinished with you and Mat. After all the years you’d spent together you thought he’d at least be able to push his feelings aside to be proud of you and celebrate this time with you. He had been waiting his whole life to fall in love and to have you and now that he had finally found the courage to tell you how he felt you were slipping through his fingers.

 He was so proud of you and he wanted you to get everything that you deserved but he couldn’t help but believe that you deserved him. Of course, love didn’t pay the bills. You had worked hard for your degree, he knew that first hand. But what did Nashville have to offer you besides a paycheck? Would you find community there? Would you have friends who you could call after you had a bad day? Who would you go out with on Friday nights? Who would get up early with you to go hiking on Sunday mornings? Would you be completely alone out there with no shoulder to lean on?

 That was what Mat couldn’t stomach. That was why he appeared so selfish in not wanting you to go. But, at the end of the day you were as stubborn as he was. You were going to do what you wanted to do and he wasn’t going to stop you.

 Mat’s feet hit the pavement, wet from the rain the night before. By the looks of it the clouds were moving east and the sun would return come afternoon. He didn’t even know how long he’d been running for, completely zoned out. It felt like the only time he wasn’t suffocated by the thought of you leaving.

 Life had seemed so perfect after the wedding. You were in love with him the way he was in love with you. He was supposed to go up to training camp and come home to you, where he would finally be able to call you his. What he had come back to was so far from that. It might not have been so bad if he had had a warning. If the thought of you potentially moving somewhere other than New York had even been on his radar. But it wasn’t. He’d had no idea.

 Mat finally came to a stop at the park, realizing just how tired his legs were. He had to be ten miles from home by this point. The sun had fully risen and he checked the time. He lifted his arms over his head, trying to catch his breath. Whatever song was playing through his airpods was giving him a headache so he yanked them out, only to hear his name being called from behind.

 “Mathew Barzal, what does a girl have to do to get your attention?” Your all too familiar voice had him chuckling to himself. For a moment he forgot all of his troubles. He turned to face you, a smile on his face,

 “Couldn’t catch me or what?”

 “Your stride is twice as long, your speed three times as quick. That’s quite unfair,” you smiled up at him, blocking the sun with your hand. Your skin was glistening, having clearly been on your own run. The universe was really teasing him now, crossing your paths like this.

 “Plus I had to let you grow tired, that way you can’t run from me again,” you added, voice sounding more pained than before. Mat took a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair,

 “Babe I’m sorry.”

 Your heart flipped at the pet name, Mat didn’t even notice he’d said it.

 “I’m just scared, ya know,” he said honestly, slowing his steps so you could fall in with him, “I’ve never had to do this without you.”

“Mat,” you sighed, “I’m moving to Nashville, I’m not dying.”

 Mat laughed, gently pushing your shoulder,

 “I know that. But you won’t be ten minutes away anymore.”

 “When did it ever take you ten minutes to get to me?” You teased, “It was at least thirty on a light traffic day.”

 “You’re ruining my sentiment,” Mat grinned, clearly not upset with you.

 “Sorry,” you pretended to zip your lips.

 “I am so proud of you, and they’re so lucky to have you, but I’m going to miss you,” he said, “I mean...I love you after all.”

 Now that he’d told you he loved you he couldn’t stop saying it. It rolled off of his tongue so easily, like a river down a mountain side.

 “I promise I won’t let this drive a wedge between us,” you said, “I know we’ve never had to deal with this before but you’re my best friend and I’m not going to forget about you just because I’m in a new city. Because...for the record….I love you too. In case you didn’t know.”

 ~

 Over the next few days Mat managed to push his feelings aside, at least during the light of the day. You were right, you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. And if he loved you, and he did, he would be there for you. Even if it meant helping you pack and lugging boxes down the stairs and into the shipping container in the middle of a heat wave.

 However, he’d rather do that a hundred times over than have to face the last night with you in town. You’d asked him to come over before heading out to see some friends. Mat felt his heart tug, the way it always had when you invited him to your place. It was such a simple gesture but time alone with you was time he cherished. Now more than ever.

 Mat let himself in, like he’d done a million times before. The house was eerily quiet, your family not back yet from work and his footsteps seemed to echo off the walls.

 “Hey you,” you smiled, poking your head around your bedroom door. Mat managed to smile in return, pulling you into his chest as you bumped the door open wider for him. All the photos in your room had been taken down, the only things left were the bags you were taking on the plane and a box by your bed.

 “This is so weird,” Mat said, letting out a heavy sigh, carding his fingers through his hair.

 “I know,” you sat on the bed, wringing your hands out as Mat surveyed what was left.

 “So what’s up?” He asked, leaning against the wall, hands shoved in his pockets.

 “Um,” you coughed awkwardly, Mat raising his eyebrows.

 “These, uh, are yours.”

 Mat’s eyes shifted down to the box you were pushing towards him, filled with hoodies and t-shirts of his you had claimed over the years.

 “Wha-” he could barely keep his jaw from dropping to the ground in shock, running his hands over his face to hide his emotions.

 “I just figured, ya know, I won’t be ten minutes away from you anymore so it won’t be so easy for you to steal them back,” you said gently. Mat nodded, clearing his throat,

 “Yeah, no, uh, for sure.”

 He bent down, rifling through the items you’d stolen from him. Some pieces dated back to even before he was with the Thunderbirds, and of course old hoodies he used to love but loved on you even more so he never asked for them back.

 “You sure were a thief,” he chuckled, not lifting his gaze to you. This felt like a kick in the chest.

 “Are you sure you don’t want this one?” He asked, lifting an Adidas jacket you’d taken only a few years back. You wet your lips before tugging your bottom one between your teeth.

 “Yeah,” you nodded, “I mean, we’re not together or anything so…”

 It was a lame reason, you both knew it.

 “That never stopped you before,” Mat gave an empty chuckle.

 “Mat,” you mumbled, picking at your nails.

 “I know,” Mat sighed, “I know, just didn’t expect you would give these back is all.”

 You fell quiet, unsure of what to say. Mat didn’t seem to mind, he was busy reminiscing over the clothes he’d leant you over the years.

 “Are you sure you don’t want a jacket?” Mat asked, watching you bound down the stairs, dressed in a pair of denim shorts for the bonfire at Jordan Eberle’s house.

“Mat you sound like my mother,” you laughed, gently patting his face. Mat dodged your hand as best he could, trying not to stare disrespectfully as you brushed past him.

“All I know is I’m bringing a jacket and if you get cold I am not giving it up,” he said, leaning against the door, keys in his hand.

You rolled your eyes at him, knowing that he’d be draping his jacket around your shoulders before you even asked if he saw so much as a single shiver run through you.

True to his history, you were curled up around the fire, nursing your third drink of the night. Mat was seated on the other end of the patio furniture from you, but he had your feet in his lap. The fire may have been making your face warm, nothing burned quite like the touch of his hands against your skin.

A breeze blew through and you felt goosebumps raise across your body, all the way down to your toes. Mat took notice, his eyes falling on you with a knowing look in his eyes.

“Stop,” you whined, pretending to kick him gently. Mat gripped your ankle, stilling your movements.

“It’s okay to admit I’m right you know,” he grinned, already reaching to tug off his hoodie.

“I’m not cold,” you protested, sipping your drink. Mat wasn’t listening, the hoodie already pulled off and airborne in your direction. It hit your face, spilling the liquid that was caught on the rim.

“Mat!” You hissed, reaching over to swat his shoulder, but not wanting to interrupt the story that was being told across the fire.

“Just put on the damn sweatshirt and come over here,” Mat chuckled, extending his arm over the back of the seat you were sharing. You rolled your eyes but you did oblige, inhaling his signature cologne as you tugged the soft material over your head. Carefully, you crawled to the other end, nestling yourself against his chest. You caught Tito’s eye over the flames and he had a knowing grin on his face. You resisted the urge to look up and see if Mat noticed, assuming that he probably did. You just wanted to enjoy that moment, not think about the what if, just have Mat’s arms around you.

Mat kept running his fingers over the soft grey material, trying to hold onto the memory and bring back the moment.

 “We should probably head out soon,” you said, breaking him from his thoughts. Mat nodded in agreement, pushing himself to stand with a groan and a loud crack from both of his knees. He lifted the box easily, carrying it down the stairs as you led the way to the car.

 Your friends were having a bonfire, fittingly enough, for your last night in Vancouver. Mat wasn’t the only person who was going to miss you. Plus, it was sort of tradition that any time someone of your friend group was leaving you celebrated their achievements and the new chapter of their life.

 Mat had been dreading this night for the last few days, as soon as he heard that Tyson and a few of the other guys were planning on hosting it. He planned on nursing a single beer for as long as possible, designating himself as the sober driver so that he could excuse himself from drinking in excess and he could make sure you got home in one piece.

 Watching you parade around the party, saying goodbye to friends was painful. The only thing getting him through was the smile on your face as you talked about how excited you were for the new opportunity. What he didn’t know, though, was that even as you spoke on what was to come with a wide grin there was a sinking feeling in your stomach that you couldn’t quite ignore. Instead of listening to what you intuition was trying to tell you, you helped yourself to a drink. Something to ease your nerves and get you through the night. This was the last time you would see these people for a while and you weren’t going to let anxiety step on your fun.

 “Holding up?” Tyson’s voice earned Mat’s attention as he sat on the back step of the house. Tyson made himself comfortable beside him, a beer in his own hand.

 “What? Yeah,” Mat shrugged him off, “All good.”

 Tyson knew better than to believe what Mat was trying so hard to convey. While the two of them had been up at training camp Mat had let it slip to Tyson that he’d told you he loved you. He couldn’t keep it to himself and he had thought that when he got back to Coquitlam he would be coming back to you. Loose lips sink ships apparently. However that saying could be applied here.

 “You don’t have to kid me, man,” Tyson said, “I know it’s eating you up inside.”

 “Fuck,” Mat cursed, “It’s just so...I don’t want to say unfair because she deserves this, you know, but it’s fucked up that it had to happen now. It’s like we can’t ever have both.”

 “So you guys aren’t gonna try it?” Tyson asked. Mat shook his head,

 “We never really talked about it and then she gave me all my hoodies back today, just another reminder that she’s not mine.”

 Tyson nodded slowly, staring out over the lawn and watching as you dropped yourself into a chair beside Jasmine.

 “If it’s meant to be you’ll be back together, though,” Tyson said. He made it sound so easy. Mat was anything but patient.

 “I keep trying to tell myself that, because as crazy as it sounds I know we’re going to end up together. I don’t see myself with anyone else,” Mat said, leaning back on his palms. His eyes were locked on you, watching your smile as you laughed. He couldn’t hear it but he could feel it. Right in the center of his chest.

 “That’s why this sucks so much. It’s the waiting that kills me.”

 “That’s heavy,” Tyson breathed out, looking over at Mat who could only give a shrug.

 “Sorry to rain on the parade,” Mat chuckled, “You asked.”

 “It’s going to happen for you guys,” Tyson said, his tone sounding so sure of it. Mat decided to hang on to that, keep that belief for himself.

 “Don’t waste this last night feeling sorry for yourself, though,” Tyson said, patting Mat on the shoulder, “Celebrate your girl, man.”

 As the hour grew later Mat could see you rubbing your hands over your arms, goosebumps scattered across your skin. He chuckled to himself, disappearing to go back out to his truck and get you one of the jackets from the box.

 “Where are you going?” Your voice sounded panicked as he leaned over the second row of seats, retrieving a grey hoodie. You had followed him out as soon as you saw his head disappear in the house. He’d been pretty quiet all night, letting you make the most of your night with the friends you hadn’t spent every day of summer with. You’d lost your shoes at some point and the pavement of the driveway was cold against the bottom of your feet as you danced back and forth.

 “I’m not going anywhere,” Mat said, settling back on the ground again and slamming the door shut. He extended the sweatshirt to you, a knowing look on his face.

 “I don’t-”

“Yeah you do,” Mat smiled, slipping the hoodie over your head. You blew your hair out of your face in a huff, pouting up at him as you shoved your arms through the sleeves.

 “Better?”

 “Yes,” you grumbled, wrapping your arms around his waist. Mat could tell you’d had a few drinks but you weren’t anywhere near drunk. Mostly at the point where you were tired and ready to lay in bed. Your hands were running up and down his back, chills erupting across his skin to the point he almost grabbed another hoodie from the box.

 “You tired?” He asked, brushing your hair back. You nodded,

 “Yeah, but I feel bad leaving my own party. It’s not even ten yet.”

 Mat checked his watch, seeing that it was barely 9:30. It felt like the sun had set ages ago, not just within the hour.

 “But I know something we could do to pass the time,” you said, batting your lashes up at him. Mat’s heart stopped. He knew exactly what you were talking about and it had him suppressing a groan.

 “Babe I don’t know…” he trailed off, eyes searching your face.

 “Mat,” you said softly, “I really want you right now.”

 Mat swallowed thickly. He felt the same way, he had wanted you for a long time. And he just wanted to feel close to you before you were gone.

 “Are you drunk?” He asked, not looking to take advantage of you in a compromised state. You shook your head,

 “No. I’ve only had two ciders. I want to remember this night,” you said, hands roaming the expanse of his chest, feeling his hard muscles beneath the thin material. You’d been watching him all night, stealing glances as you chatted with your friends. Every time he ran his fingers through his hair had you crossing your legs, and each time his tongue ran across his lips you were forcing yourself to look away. This might be the last night you ever got to be with him and you wanted to make the most of it.

 Mat sucked in a breath, the heat between your bodies evident.

 “Maybe we should find a room then,” he said, “So I can give you something to remember.”

 You and Mat crept into the house, careful of anyone who might be lurking. There were a few of the guys Mat trained with who were staying in the house for the summer and while most of the rooms were occupied there was a guest room on the second floor, tucked back at the end of the hall. It was just a matter of whether someone else had beat you to it.

 You narrowly avoided Jasmine in the kitchen with a few of your other friends, gently shoving Mat towards the stairs. He made sure to skip the step that creaked, his hand never leaving yours.

 By the time you reached the, thankfully, empty bedroom your heart was beating out of your chest.

 Mat’s hands found your waist, pushing the material of the hoodie up so he could feel your skin where the material of your shorts stopped. Draping your hands around the back of his neck, you pulled him down to you, your lips finally meeting. Mat walked you backward until your knees hit the mattress and he caught you before you fell completely, gently laying you down.

 With his weight now settled between your legs you needed him more than ever. The friction of your shorts was not enough. Mat moved to press open mouth kisses along your throat, feeling your body arch up into him for as much contact as possible. He pushed the sweatshirt up and you lifted it over your head along with the top you’d been wearing. Mat dragged his eyes down your body, fingers moving to work on your shorts. Once you were lying beneath him in just your bra and panties he couldn’t help but stare, appreciating just how beautiful you looked.

 For once there was nothing on his mind except you. Just you.

 He rid himself of his shirt and his shorts before scooting you up the bed. He captured your lips with his once again, his hand slipping between your bodies so that he could rub your clit over your panties.

 “Mat,” you whined against his lips, desperate to feel him. He slipped his hand behind your back to unclip your bra, tossing it aside as his lips moved down your throat and across your chest. Your fingers tangled in his hair as he wrapped his lips around your nipple, biting gently before flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud.

 Though it was the first time you’d ever had sex with Mat he seemed to know your body better than anyone else you’d ever been with. He was barely even touching you and your body was on fire.

 By the time he finally hooked his fingers around your panties you were practically dripping. Mat spread your legs, large hands sliding over your thighs. He lifted his gaze to meet yours, the moonlight coming in through the window giving you all the light you needed to admire his features. There was a mix of emotions in his eyes that you couldn’t quite read but when he pressed his lips along the inside of your thighs your eyes fell shut and pure bliss flooded your veins.

 Mat certainly knew what he was doing with his tongue, devouring you like it really was the last supper. He wanted to savor this feeling, taking his sweet time to bring you to your first orgasm. Each stroke of his tongue had you gasping, bottom lip bitten between your teeth, the grip on his hair growing tighter.

 “You taste so good baby,” Mat hummed, vibrations felt all the way down to your toes.

 “Mat, please,” you whimpered, choking back the moans in an effort to stay quiet. There was still a party happening outside but neither of you were concerned. You were more concerned with the fact that you could feel a fire burning in your belly, Mat fucking you with his tongue at the perfect pace to bring you to your high. He brought you through it with a combination of encouraging words and running his hands along your skin softly.

 As you caught your breath he crawled back up your body, chin glistening. You caught the back of his neck and brought him down to you once again. You could never keep him away from you for too long.

 Your hand dipped between your bodies then to palm him over his boxers, swallowing the low groan he let out.

 “Can I?” You asked, pressing one hand against his shoulder to push him onto his back.

 “I just need to be inside you baby,” Mat groaned as your hands pulled down his boxers.

 “It’s only fair,” you hummed, “I want a taste too.”

 Mat cursed under his breath, eyes fluttering shut as you took his hard length in your hand and gave a few gentle strokes before flattening your tongue along the underside.

 “Holy shit,” he muttered, breath catching in his throat. His fingers found your hair, tangling gently as you began to bob your head down his length painfully slow. Just as he had taken his time, you were taking yours. Mat thrust his hips involuntarily as he let out another string of curse words. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer but the idea of cumming before getting to properly fuck you was not one he wanted to entertain.

 “Baby, baby,” Mat murmured, tugging your hair gently to pull you off of him. You stared up at him with an all too innocent expression, his thumb running over your swollen bottom lip.

 “I need to be inside you,” he said, reiterating his previous statement. You were going to protest but the look in his eyes told you how badly he needed you and there was no denying the ache between your legs.

 Mat took your moment of submission and regained control, turning you onto your back. His hands traveled across your body as if he was ingraining the feeling into his memory. Each soft curve and birthmark he wanted to remember.

 Finally, though, he pushed your knee to your chest, spreading you open for him. He pushed in slowly, giving you a moment to adjust before he started moving. Your body reacted to each of his touches and movements, allowing him to find the perfect pace that had your nails digging into his forearm. One of his hands held his body above you while the other was leaving bruises on your thigh as he gripped underneath your knee, hitting the most delicious angle.

 “Fuck baby,” Mat groaned, head dropping down and a stray strand of hair drooping over his forehead.

 “Feels so good,” you managed to say between moans and his thrusts. You’d never had someone bring you so close to your high without touching your clit but Mat did just that. Each time he pushed back into you he was brushing over your g-spot.

 “God damn,” Mat breathed, voice sounding strained, like he was trying so hard to hold on.

 “I’m gonna cum,” you whined, nails dragging down his skin and leaving red lines in their wake. Mat pressed his thumb against your clit, rubbing circles in pace with his thrusts.

 “Yes yes yes,” you were moaning uncontrollably but Mat didn’t want you to stop. He didn’t care who heard. Your walls were clenching around him and he was cumming just as you were crying out his name, your orgasm washing over you.

 He fucked you through it, sloppy movements as he finished. Your body fell limp and he lowered himself to his elbow, pulling out slowly. He flinched when you whined at the loss of contact but you caught his arm, curling into him.

 Neither of you said anything for a moment, his fingers carding through your hair with your head on his chest. The rest of the world felt distant, the sounds of your friends hardly able to break through the bubble the two of you were in. Eventually, though, Mat did pull away to retrieve a towel, cleaning you up so that the two of you could get dressed. Neither of you had any intention of sleeping in the guest room. And besides, you had a few goodbyes left to give.

 “Stay with me tonight,” you said quietly after you had finished pulling the sweatshirt back over your head. Mat wasn’t sure he’d heard you quite right, turning to look at you.

 “Please.”

 Mat felt his heart thudding in his chest. He didn’t know why, he’d literally just had you naked beneath him, moaning his name but somehow the invitation felt intimidating.

 “Okay,” he nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

 You breathed a sigh of relief, crossing the room to wrap your arms around his waist like you’d done a thousand times before. Even though your words were muffled by the material of his t-shirt he heard you loud and clear.

 “I’m going to miss you like hell.”

 ~

 “Call me when you land,” Mat said, a sad smile on his face as he set your suitcase on the sidewalk. You nodded, trying to avoid his eyes because you knew if you looked at him you would cry. The tears had been welling all morning and the last place you wanted to break down was at the airport.

 “Hey,” Mat said softly, his hands gently catching your waist and pulling you into him, “Promise you’ll call me.”

 His fingers lifted your chin to look at him. His expression was hard to read but you knew he was falling apart inside, he’d just always managed to remain stoic in a way you couldn't.

 “I promise,” you whispered, not trusting your voice.

 “We’re going to be okay,” Mat said. It was more for himself than for you. He wanted to believe that your friendship could survive anything. And he was in love with you. Even if you weren’t together he would always love you. Even if you were a thousand miles away, he would always love you. He had always loved you.

 “You’re gonna kick ass at your new job,” he said, voice soft. There were a hundred people buzzing around you, probably annoyed that Mat was taking so long to drop you off but neither of you cared, you could hardly hear them as you stared up at him. God, you loved him so much.

 “And when we come to play the Preds in a few months you better be there wearing my jersey,” Mat smiled. You laughed softly, tears threatening to spill. His face looked pained as he brushed his thumb along your cheek, catching the stray tear.

 You threw your arms around his neck, burying your face into his shoulder. Mat wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you as close as possible. He didn’t want you to go, his heart aching for you. He inhaled your scent, the familiar fragrance of your shampoo fogging his senses. Would it be different when he saw you next? Would you still be wearing his hoodies when you grew tired and homesick? Would you still have the same coffee order? Would you have a new favorite restaurant, one where he didn’t have your order memorized?

 Finally, you pulled back, as agonizing as it was.

 “I have to go.”

 Mat nodded, glancing towards the airport.

 “Have a safe flight, okay?”

 “I’ll see if the captain can arrange that,” you teased, giving a weak smile. Mat could only shake his head at you, unable to bring himself to smile.

 Your hand gripped your suitcase as you slung your carry on over your shoulder. Just before you stepped away you paused, facing Mat fully one last time.

 “I love you, Mat Barzal.”

 That got a small smile out of him. With the sun in his eyes you could tell he was fighting back tears, carving out an even bigger hole in your chest.

 “I love you,” Mat breathed out, closing the space between the two of you and bringing your lips together. You both knew it was a bad idea, tempting fate like this, but you couldn’t leave without tasting him one last time. Your fingers tangled in his hair and his hands melted into your hips as your chests pressed together.

 Mat climbed back into the driver’s seat, hands frozen on the wheel until you disappeared into the airport. Once he could no longer see even a glimpse of you, he let the tears spill out. The tears he’d been holding back for the last two weeks. It broke him down to the bone to lose you, to have you anywhere but right beside him. For the first time since you were kids he was going to have to navigate his life without you and he didn’t know how he was supposed to survive.

 Mat pulled away from the curb, trying to wipe the tears from his vision. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t talk to you and rarely a week where you didn’t see each other. Even when he was traveling during the season and you had been drowning in school work you had always made time for each other. But that was when you were living in the same cities. Mat wondered if it had been a bad idea to tell you that he was in love with you. Maybe if he hadn’t spoken those words the universe wouldn’t have decided to take revenge. What he’d done to deserve this sort of twisted karma he didn’t know but he would take it all back if it meant bringing you home to him. Whether home was in New York or Vancouver, or anywhere else in the world where he might end up. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that you were gone and he was alone.

 As he drove further out of the busy city Mat realized he was taking a route he hadn’t taken in a while. In a few years actually. The road winded along through the countryside, a highway not many people took and certainly not many people who were driving something other than a tractor.

 “I’m so scared of the future,” Mat chuckled, trying to laugh off his nerves as he glanced over at you. You had your feet tucked up under your legs, wearing the outfit you had intended on wearing out to see some of your friends. Right up until Mat showed up at your door unannounced.

“Me too,” you sighed, resting your elbow on the center console. Mat could smell your shampoo, the breeze blowing in through the open windows as he sped down the highway.

“You don’t need to be scared,” Mat said, grinning over at you, “You’re smart and you’re going to get a degree.”

“You don’t need to be scared either,” you laughed, shoving his shoulder, “You’re a projected first round pick in the NHL draft. You have nothing to worry about.”

Mat laughed, shaking his head as he looked over at you for a brief moment.

“Are we stupid for being scared?”

“No.” you shook your head adamantly.

“No?”

“We’re kids, Barz,” you said, twisting in your seat to look at him, admiring his side profile, “We don’t know what the hell is going to happen even two weeks from now. And there’s no way to know. But I guess we just have to hope that everything works out how it’s supposed to. The universe will look after you.”

Mat stayed quiet for a while, letting your words sink in,

“You’re too wise for your age.”

“I think you’ve just hit your head into the boards too many times,” you teased, leaning over the console and pressing a kiss against his cheek. Mat’s heart skipped a beat and he hoped you couldn’t tell he was blushing in the dim lighting.

“Wherever you go,” you said, “I’ll go with you. You’re never going to be alone, Mat Barzal.”

Mat pulled to a stop at the overlook, putting the truck in park and resting his forearms on the steering wheel. All the tears that had dried were now joined by a fresh batch. He couldn’t stop, his shoulders shaking as he let his head drop down against his hands. He’d never felt pain quite like this. For a moment he debated calling his agent, seeing if he could get traded to Nashville or even Carolina. Somewhere closer to you. Somewhere that it didn’t feel like you had oceans between you.

 His phone started ringing in the passenger seat.

 “Fuck!” Mat took the heel of his palm and rubbed away the tears, clearing his throat before he answered.

 “Hello?”

 “Hey Mat, we think we’ve reached an agreement on your contract.”

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 3.

“Do we like this one?” You asked, spinning around and showing Mat the dress you had just wiggled yourself into. He locked his phone, tossing it to the side as he allowed himself to drink in your appearance. You’d drug him along to help you get a dress for the wedding on the upcoming weekend. After sorting through all of the other dresses you had hanging in your closet you couldn’t quite find the right one for the weekend ahead.

 In all honesty, you didn’t think any of them were going to get the attention of Mat.

 After Jasmine had introduced you to her friend, whose name you couldn’t even remember anymore, you had texted for a few days until it became so dry and forced that you simply stopped responding. Sure you felt a little bit guilty but one word answers weren’t exactly giving you the eager energy you had been hoping for. Even Mat sent you longer messages and he was a hockey player, a group notorious for being dry as all hell.

 So now it was back to square one. You had nothing going for you in terms of your love life and with another wedding on the horizon you wanted to at least make one person drool. And if Mat was that person...well then….so be it.

 “Y/N,” Mat sighed, leaning back against the wall, “I have liked every dress you’ve come out in.”

 This was true, he told you you looked good in everything. In some ways that made him the worst person to shop with because you couldn’t ever tell if he was being honest or just stroking your ego. But sometimes you needed your ego stroked, especially now.

 “Okayyyy,” you rolled your eyes, hands on your hips, “But is this your favorite?”

 “Eh,” Mat shrugged, “It looks good on you but you don’t look comfortable.”

 You turned back to look at the mirror. It was incredibly tight and to be honest it was hard to walk in it. If you had to wear it for an entire evening you weren’t sure you’d survive.

 “I don’t think you should get it, unless you want me to throw you over my shoulder and carry you around all evening,” Mat laughed. Maybe I do, you thought to yourself, an inappropriate image of Mat carrying you over his shoulder into his childhood bedroom before tossing you onto the bed flashing through your mind.

 “I don’t think you have the stamina for that,” you teased, stepping back into the fitting room and pulling the curtain back.

 “Hey,” Mat whined, “I have amazing stamina. You of all people should know this.”

 Just as the words left his mouth a woman, probably the age of his mom, came walking down the hall in search of an open room. She raised her eyebrows at him and he felt his cheeks flush. That definitely sounded sexual. He had been referring to hockey but now his mind was beginning to wander elsewhere.

 After the mini argument the night of the wedding, Mat had refrained from asking questions about your love life. He figured that it was better for both of you that way. You had told him that you and the guy had stopped talking since then but other than that he had no idea if you were entertaining anyone else. As long as he was still on duty to be your date to your cousin’s wedding that weekend he would take that as a no.

 Otherwise, things were the same as they had always been. You hadn’t really talked about the argument at all and so Mat figured that either you didn’t remember or didn’t want to talk about it. Usually if something bothered you, you would let him know. When you showed up at his house unannounced a few days after the wedding, wanting to tan in his yard (because it was “better” than your own backyard), he could only assume things were fine. And now he was sitting on a hard bench, watching you try on dresses and he was actually enjoying it.

 You pulled the curtain back, revealing the next dress to Mat. As soon as his eyes landed on your figure he let out a low whistle.

 “We like this one,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. You beamed down at him, smoothing your hands over the material,

 “Is it too short for a wedding?”

 Mat shrugged,

 “I mean your legs look a mile long but I don’t think it’s too short. Those workouts I sent you have been doing you good.”

 You scoffed, poking your tongue out at him. You looked in the mirror, admiring your reflection and trying not to fixate on how good you and Mat would look together when he was in his suit.

 Mat stood up and stepped up behind you, hands ghosting over your waist,

 “This one is my favorite.”

 “Yeah?” You craned your neck to smile up at him. Mat nodded, unable to resist grinning down at you. At that moment, the woman from earlier came out of her fitting room and caught a glimpse of you in the dress.

 “Oh my gosh, that dress is so beautiful on you,” she complimented. Mat spoke without even thinking,

 “Isn’t it?”

 Your face felt warm and you subconsciously leaned into Mat’s touch.

 “You guys are so cute together, you’re a lucky man,” the woman smiled, pointing a finger at Mat, who was now fully blushing, both from his slip and the woman’s comment.

 “Oh-” Mat began to correct her but you curled your fingers around Mat’s wrist and smiled up at the woman,

 “Thank you.”

 Mat gave you a curious look, confused why you didn’t correct her like you normally did. You were too busy admiring the dress to catch his eye so he let it go. Instead he leaned against the wall of the fitting room and ran his eyes over your body.

 “Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked, snapping him into reality.

 “You look really pretty, I think you should get this one,” Mat said, carefully dodging your question.

 “Yeah?”

 “If you don’t I’m gonna buy it for you,” Mat said.

 “Suddenly you’re my sugar daddy,” you teased, reaching for the curtain and pulling it shut. Mat’s eyes went wide,

 “Wha-”

 “Chill, I’m just changing,” you laughed, “It’s not like you haven’t already seen me naked.”

 The sinful image of you popped back into Mat’s mind as you drug the zipper of your dress down and shimmied out of it. Your back was to him but out of the corner of his eye he could see your reflection in the mirror.

 He forced himself to keep talking, anything to distract,

 “So whose wedding is this weekend?”

 “My cousin,” you sighed, now only in your panties in front of him as you searched for your bra, “And her awful fiance. He’s such a dick, but at least it’s not me who has to marry him.”

 Mat laughed, though it came out slightly strangled as you finally turned to face him again.

 “What do you want to do for lunch?” You asked.

 You look particularly appetizing, Mat thought to himself, suppressing a groan.

 “Whatever you want,” Mat shrugged, breathing a sigh of relief when you zipped up your denim shorts and reached for your bag, now fully clothed again.

 “Oh, you think because you picked my dress you’re done making decisions for the day?” You teased, pushing the curtain back again.

 Mat laughed, hands on your waist as he followed behind you out of the fitting room,

 “Yeah I’m maxed out, try again tomorrow.”

 ~

 The night before you and Mat were going to the wedding, Jasmine was over at your house, watching you paint your toes.

 “I’m doing my toes tomorrow because I know I’ll get them smudged in bed tonight,” she groaned, resting against the pillows on your bed.

 “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear the innuendo in that,” you laughed, looking back at her over your shoulder.

 “That’s not what I meant, but yeah that too. Newlywed sex is objectively the best sex,” she sighed. You snorted, shifting to face her as you finished your last coat.

 “So how soon until you two start having babies?” You asked, wiggling your eyebrows at her.

 “I don’t know,” Jasmine sat up, “We’re still not a hundred percent sure if we want kids and I think if we did we’d adopt.”

 You nodded, remembering that Jasmine had always said she wanted to adopt. Suddenly, the memory of making your pact with Mat came flooding into your mind.

 “What?” Jasmine stared at you, “Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

 “I just-” you shook your head,  “I just remembered something.”

 Jasmine looked at you curiously, making herself comfortable again,

 “Go on.”

 You took a deep breath,

 “The night before your wedding-”

 “You and Mat did fuck I knew it!” Jasmine shrieked.

 “Dude! No!” You panicked, looking towards the door. Your parents weren’t even home but it sent a rush of adrenaline through your veins.

 “No,” you said more calmly, “We didn’t...do that. But, he did say something kind of related to that.”

 Jasmine urged you to continue.

 “He said,” you spoke slowly, unable to believe you were saying it out loud, “That he wouldn’t mind putting a baby in me.”

 Jasmine’s jaw dropped and she couldn’t do anything but stare at you,

 “You’re kidding.”

 You shook your head, putting the cap back on the polish.

 “In what context? How-I mean, what-how did that even come up?” She asked, grabbing a pillow and picking at it nervously.

 “We-” you paused, wondering if you should say anything to her about the marriage pact, “I don’t know we were talking about whether we wanted kids. I said he’d be a good dad.”

 “And his...his response was that he would put a baby in you?” Jasmine said slowly, “He could have just said you would make a good mom but he went there!”

 “He did say I would be a good mom!” You defended. Jasmine rolled her eyes,

 “But he’s basically saying that he wants you to mother his children. I.e, he’s in love with you.”

 “Don’t be so dramatic,” you said weakly, resting back on your elbows as you let your feet hang off the end of your bed to dry.

 “How can I not be dramatic about this?” Jasmine waved her hands aimlessly, “I don’t understand how you’re so calm about this.”

 “Because,” you sighed, “I’m used to Mat making comments like that and not having them mean anything. Just once I’d like to know if he’s saying things to make me laugh or if he’s saying it because it’s true.”

 ~

 Mat had trouble keeping his eyes on the road the next afternoon as the two of you made the drive out to the wedding venue. The hem of your dress was sliding up your thighs as you continuously crossed and uncrossed them. Your elbow was resting against the center console of Mat’s car and it was taking everything in him to not reach over and place a hand on your thigh. You felt so close yet so far away as you added songs onto the queue.

 “You know it’s only a thirty minute drive, right?” Mat teased after you finally set your phone back down again, a song coming through the speakers.

 “Yes and I don’t want to spend any of it listening to you talk about golf,” you said, leaning back in your seat and out of his reach.

 “You love golf,” Mat protested.

 “I like going golfing with you, I do not love golf,” you corrected. Mat smiled to himself, feeling slightly proud that you only enjoyed it because of him.

 “Don’t look so smug,” you smacked his arm gently, “I only like going with you because you hit the balls in the water half the time.”

 “Hey!”

 You smiled victoriously, reaching over and turning up the radio for the remainder of the drive.

 Something felt different between the two of you as you paraded around the cocktail hour. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it but it had to do with the way Mat hardly left your side at all. His hand was pressed against your lower back like it was magnetically attached and you couldn’t pull away. Not that you wanted to. You were melting under his touch, more so than usual. Maybe it was because your family was there and everything just seemed to fit so well. Mat was talking to your dad about the upcoming season, with your mom about the next hike he wanted to take you on. You even overheard him inviting her to come along while you were listening to your aunt talk about your cousin.  

 You caught yourself staring up at him more than once during the afternoon, admiring the way his hair looked and how rested he looked. Towards the end of the season he had been run down and exhausted, as everyone else in the league was after a long season. Now that he was back in Vancouver you selfishly wished that he would get offersheeted so that he could come home. What you didn’t know was that he felt recharged whenever he was around you. He smiled more, which was saying a lot because he already seemed to be a constant ray of sunshine even in New York, he slept better, he felt calmer. That mixed with all of the summer sun and r&r the two of you had been indulging in had him looking like a dream. The icing on the cake was the dress shirt and well fitting, navy slacks he was wearing.

 The wedding was a bit more casual so he hadn’t even bothered with a tie or a jacket, opting to roll his sleeves and expose his toned forearms. You hadn’t even realized you had zoned in on his hands as he talked animatedly with your parents until he was snapping you from your trance.

 “Anyone home?” He teased, a concerned expression flashing over his features before he smiled easily, hand finding your back once again.

 “Sorry, I think the wine is going straight to my head,” you waved him off, leaning into him more. You could feel your mom’s eyes on you, knowingly grinning between you and Mat.

 “We should probably go find our seats,” Mat said, repeating what he’d apparently been trying to tell you while your head had been up in space. You nodded, letting him guide you towards the grassy area where the chairs were set up.

 “Mat,” you whispered, gripping his arm, “My heels are sinking.”

 Mat couldn’t help but laugh when he looked back to see you tip toeing across the soft ground.

 “Do you need me to carry you?” he asked, teasingly and not at all serious but when he saw the desperate look in your eyes he groaned.

 “You’re kidding,” Mat laughed, shaking his head and stepping closer to you.

 “Fine,” you pouted, “I’ll ruin my heels, it’s fine.”

 Mat rolled his eyes, swooping you u easily, careful not to let you flash anyone.

 “Mat!” You shrieked, not having expected him to actually pick you up. Your hands gripped the back of his neck and the way his fingers were digging into your thighs was having dirty thoughts running through your mind.

 “You know, I could have just gotten you a new pair,” Mat murmured as he set you down in your seat.

 “Mmm,” you hummed, smirking up at him, “I think you like carrying me around though.”

 Your tone was light and joking but Mat’s expression faltered ever so slightly before he managed to chirp you back,

 “And I think you like having me carry you around, princess.”

 Your heart jumped at the pet name, one he hadn’t called you in a long time. Not since high school at least. It used to be his favorite way to tease you.

 “Maybe I do,” you said softly, turning your attention to your mom, who had taken the seat beside you. Mat swallowed hard, the memory of your half asleep confession flooding through his mind. Why those three words had trigged the memory of those other three words he didn’t know. The sound of you mumbling ‘I love you’ echoed through his brain like you were speaking into a chasm. It made his chest feel tight all of a sudden, a feeling he had never experienced before, and a wave of panic shot through him.

 “I’ll be right back,” Mat muttered, standing up and all but running from his seat. You reached out to catch his wrist but he was too quick, half way across the lawn before you thought to go after him. You mentally cursed him for being not only the fastest skater but the quickest wedding ditcher as you clambered after him, throwing an apology towards your mom as you kicked off your heels.

 Nearly everyone had moved to find their seats so it wasn’t hard to keep on Mat’s tail as he made his way around the venue. You cringed in pain as you dashed over the gravel path alongside the building, the small rocks digging into your feet.

 “Mat!” You called after him, hoping that the sound of your voice might bring him to a stop. It didn’t.

 “Mathew!”

 He finally stopped, leaning back against the building, catching his breath. You brushed gravel off of your feet as you cautiously walked towards him.

 “Mat?”

 “I’m sorry,” he muttered under his breath, fingers running through his hair. You furrowed your brows, finally reaching him and pressing your palms against his chest, feeling his racing heart beneath your fingertips. He wouldn’t lift his head to look at you but his hands found your waist.

 “Mat…” you said again, not sure of what else to say. You tilted your head so you could meet his eyes,

 “What do you need?”

 “Right now?” Mat asked. You nodded. Mat finally met your gaze, the look in his eyes unrecognizable,

 “You.”

 You pushed down the selfish feeling of triumph, knowing that he was panicking and now was not the time to be putting yourself on a pedestal. So, you ran your hands up his chest and around his neck, pulling him into you and gently carding your fingers through his hair,

 “I’m right here, Barz, I’m always gonna be right here.”

 Mat wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you flush against him. He knew the ceremony was supposed to start soon but everything in the background was fading away as he rested back against the building, bringing you with him. The rate of his heart was settling as he focused on your breathing and the steady motion of you running your fingers through his hair.

Neither one of you said anything for a while, Mat didn’t even know how much time had passed. He had his eyes closed and his face buried in your neck. His body was calming down but his mind was still unsettled. He wasn’t sure how he could go back to the ceremony without confessing everything to you. If he had to run from the wedding he could do that, but he couldn’t hold his feelings in any longer.

 “You can tell me anything, Barz,” you whispered softly, as if you had read his mind.

 “I know,” Mat mumbled, his grip on you loosened and he pulled back. His hands still rested on your waist so you let your hands fall from his neck but kept them pressed against his chest. You tried your best not to look at him with so much pain in your eyes but you couldn’t help but feel worried for him. You’d never seen him so...distressed. And it felt so out of the blue. It was completely out of character for him.

 There was one other time in your life you could remember him panicking like this. It was the night before he was supposed to leave for the draft. He had shown up at your door, luckily you were the one who had answered. It was late in the evening and your parents were watching TV and you were actually on your way out the door to meet friends, Mat supposedly being amongst them.

 “Oh-” you jumped in surprise when Mat was standing on the other side of your front door, hand raised like he might be about to knock.

“Hey,” Mat breathed, an uneasy smile on his face.

“What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at Bryce’s house?” You said, pulling the door shut behind you.

“Yeah-” Mat glanced around anxiously, hands in his hair, “I just-”

“You wanna go for a drive?” You interrupted, reading him like a book. Mat sighed a breath of relief, nodding and slinging his arm around your shoulders, guiding you out to his truck.

That night you and Mat ended up driving up and down the back roads for almost three hours, him venting about how nervous he was for the draft. How nervous he was for the rest of his career. He had all the same fears and worries about going into the NHL as you did about going into college. There was always the question of whether or not things would work out. If you would live up to expectations set for you. Mat was human like everyone else, something the media tended to forget.  

 Something about today, though, was different. You knew it wasn’t contract related. Sure his RFA status was on his mind but it was all a part of the job. You just wanted to know what was going on with your best friend.

 Mat took a deep breath, bringing your attention back to the present tense.

 “Please don’t hate me,” Mat said quietly, that same uneasy smile on his face. You felt like you were standing on your porch, 17 again.

 “Mat,” you laughed softly, “I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

 Mat smiled again, a little more genuine this time but it didn’t reach his eyes.

 “I think I’m in love with you,” he said. His voice was so quiet you weren’t even sure if you heard him. Certainly didn’t think you heard him right.

 “What?”

 Your mouth felt dry and the air had been swept from your lungs. All the noise from the wedding became warped as you focused on Mat’s face. He lifted his head, eyes locking with yours.

 “I think I’m in love with you,” he repeated, “And I know it’s cliche to fall in love with your best friend but I feel like I’m not me when I’m not around you. And when I think about my future, whether it’s tomorrow or next month, or six years from now, you’re the one person that I see in everything.”

 Mat was rambling but you weren’t saying anything and he couldn’t handle the silence. He’d opened the floodgate and he couldn’t turn off the faucet.

 “And whenever we’re at these weddings, or even just anything together, I can’t help but think about how easy and natural it feels to be with you. I don’t care that people think we’re together because I want us to be together and I know that you may not feel the same way but I can’t help but think that you do. You can’t say that things aren’t different between you and me, compared to your friendship with Tyson, or-or Tito, or any other one of our friends. And I’m freaking out right now because-”

 Mat paused, he hadn’t been planning on confessing that he’d heard your sleepy confession, but he had to tell you that he knew.

 “Because two weeks ago when we were at Jasmine’s wedding and we got in that stupid fight because I was being an idiot, and I brought you back to bed after you fell asleep on the couch, I heard you. I heard what you said, Y/N. So please, don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way because I know you do. I know you do.”

 Your jaw was practically on the floor. Not only at his confession but at the memory that came flooding back to you.

 You had felt Mat settle you back into bed, climbing in beside you. Even though you had been mad at him earlier you couldn’t stay upset with him. And you felt so much comfort in him. So, you let him pull you into his chest. As his breathing evened out you let those three little words slip out.

 “I love you.”

When you felt his heart skip a beat you knew he had heard you. But then he never said anything more about it so you kicked everything under the rug, pushed your feelings down and held your chin high.

 “Why didn’t you say anything?” You asked. Mat dropped his head to the side, biting the inside of his cheek, fingers carding through his hair before finding your waist again.

 “I didn’t want it to be just a hazy, half drunk confession,” he said, “I didn’t know if you meant it. Or if you even remembered saying it.”

 You looked down at his hands, pulling them from your waist so you could lace your fingers with his.

 “I did mean it,” you whispered, “I meant it then, I meant it when I said it on your 18th birthday and you were passed out on the couch after having too many beers, I meant it when I said it after I dropped you off at the airport before you went to New York, I meant it when I said it every time we got off the phone, I meant it every time I said it when we were drunk at the bars.”

 Mat was trying to contain his smile as you listed all of the times you had confessed your feelings for him.

 “I’ve said it so many times but I could never bring myself to say it to your face. I could barely look at myself in the mirror and say it and I couldn’t even admit it to my friends. And when you wanted me to be your security I thought that was it. I thought that I was just a backup plan for you and it hurt. And it hurt when I saw you with that bridesmaid,” you said, “But nothing hurts more than not having you around.”

 “So-” Mat trailed off, lifting your chin to look at him. He needed to know if you were saying what he thought you were saying.

 “So,” you rolled your eyes playfully, “I’m in love with you too Mat Barzal. And you’re a fool if you think otherwise.”

 Mat couldn’t hold back his laugh as he leaned in to kiss you. Your hands found the back of his neck again, his hands gripping your waist. Your bodies melted into each other, lips moving in perfect sync as his tongue chased yours. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Not the wedding. Not his stress of his contract. Not where you were going to end up in the next few months. None of it. All that mattered was that Mat was as in love with you as you were with him.

 “We should probably get back to the wedding,” Mat murmured against your lips. You groaned softly,

 “I don’t even like this cousin that much though.”

 Mat chuckled, pulling away,

 “Come on drama queen.”

 You pouted up at him and he dipped his head to kiss you one last time.

 The two of you managed to make it back just as the bride was about to walk down the aisle. At the risk of interrupting the wedding by going back to your seats, you stayed back behind the rows of chairs, standing against the wall of the building in the shade. Mat had his arms linked over your shoulders as you pressed your back into his chest. There had been so many times where you had stood just like that, seemingly innocent. It felt different now. With both of your confessions left hanging in the air you wondered where you might go from here. It should be simple enough. You love him, he loves you.

 Usually that’s all it takes for two people to be together. But nothing could ever be easy with the two of you, and now was no different.

 ~

 Come Monday, it felt like everything was coming crashing down around you.

 Mat had to go up north for a training camp with a few of the guys. He was only supposed to be gone for a few days and before he left he promised that the two of you would talk when he got back. The wedding hadn’t left the two of you with much privacy to talk about how the confessions were going to change the course of your friendship. And Sunday he had been packing all day and everything felt too chaotic. You had sworn you didn’t mind waiting. You had been waiting years for this moment so what was a few more days?

 Apparently, a few more days meant everything.

 You were sitting in the kitchen, working on your morning coffee while you checked your email. There were a few applications you were waiting to hear back on and every time you opened your inbox your stomach became a pit of anxiety. You crossed your fingers, hoping something would stick so you could feel some sense of relief.

 A true testament of “be careful what you wish for” because as you were crossing your fingers and toes a new email appeared at the top of the list.

 Application Status: Accept-

“Oh my god,” you gasped, hands shaking as you opened the rest of the email.

 Y/N Y/L/N

After we reviewed your application and took into account the results of your interview with our hiring staff, we are pleased to inform you that we are extending this offer of employment to you for the position of Assistant Brand Director at our headquarters in Nashville, TN. Please respond to this email with your acceptance within 72 hours. HR will reach out to you within a few days of your acceptance with hiring information and important paperwork.

Congratulations,

We look forward to hearing from you!

Your jaw nearly hit the floor. This was the opportunity of a lifetime and you had gotten it. It was as close to your dream job as you could get out of college and you could not believe that you had been chosen for the position. Immediately your mind began to spin with the logistics of needing to find an apartment and how you were going to move all of your stuff from Coquitlam to Nashville and figuring out what you needed for your visa and...Mat.

 You were moving to Nashville and Mat had just told you he loved you.

 ~

 The next two days you spent pacing in front of your computer screen. You hadn’t told anyone anything and it was eating you up inside. You and Mat didn’t want to tell anyone until you had the chance to talk about your relationship status together in full, so you couldn’t very well tell your parents that you had gotten the job opportunity of your dreams without then having to explain why you were having such a hard time deciding whether or not to accept it.

 You would have called Mat to break the news, just so you could rip the bandaid off and he could have a few days away to stew with it, but he didn’t have any service up at the training camp.

 It didn’t mean that you hadn’t tried calling him multiple times a day. Each time the phone rang twice before beeping loudly, indicating no signal.

 So, not only were you making one of the toughest decisions of your life so far, you were having to do it completely alone. And by the time Mat came back from up north it would be a done deal, regardless of which way you went. Either he would harbor guilt for being the reason behind you declining the job offer, or he would be dreading the day that you had to leave.

 Unfortunately, no matter how much you begged, the clock didn’t stop ticking. You could wait until the last minute but that wouldn’t do you any good. Truthfully you had made your decision as soon as you saw the email but gathering the courage to send the official response was taking more time.

 You had worked hard over the last four years, working part time jobs that you hated to help yourself get through the program in New York. Each unpaid internship that consumed your life had led you to this moment and you had to do it for your fifteen year old self who wondered whether or not you would make something of yourself. If Mat was half the man you thought he was he would learn how to take the news of you moving across the country to a city other than New York.

 As you paced across your room once again, nearly wearing down the carpet to the floorboards underneath at this point, you caught a glimpse of the photos around your mirror. They’d been there since you were in high school and even after you left for college you never bothered to take them down. Most were sun faded from the light that came in your window every morning but you could still make out each picture. As if your life was a cliche rom-com, the light was catching on one particular photo. It wasn’t as faded as the rest, having been added to the collection only two summers previous by Mat himself.

 In the photo you and Mat were both drunk, as was Tito who had taken the photo, hence the blurry outcome and his stupidly wide grin. Mat had his forefinger pressed against your lips, a half pout on your own lips. Neither of you noticed the camera and you were looking up at him with sparkling eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol, but you knew that that was one of those moments, all those years ago, that you had thought to yourself how much you loved your best friend. Beyond what you had been sure he felt for you. The background was New York City and it had been one of your last nights out there before you headed home to Coquitlam for the summer.

 “And one more toast,” Mat said, his words slightly slurred as he grinned down at you, lifting his drink to cheers against yours. Half the contents spilled out, hitting the concrete beneath his feet but neither of you noticed, too busy staring at each other. His eyes were glossed over and you were sure yours were too but it didn’t matter, you and everyone you came with was well drunk at that point. The guys had wanted to have one more night out before everyone parted ways for the off season and Mat had insisted that you come along to celebrate the end of your finals for the next three months.

“To you,” Mat continued, cheeks flushed from the alcohol, among other things, “And to your kick ass internship you have waiting for you in Vancouver.”

You giggled, gripping his arm for support,

“Than-”

“I’m not done,” Mat pouted, pressing his finger against your lips. At that moment, Tito appeared beside the two of you, snapping the photo. The flash barely phased either one of you, too caught up in each other to pay Tito much mind, leaving him to laugh to himself.

“They’re lucky to have you, and you’re gonna do really really really really-”

“Mat!” You laughed, curling your fingers around his hand, protesting his dramatics.

“Still not done!” He said, using what leverage he had to pull you into his chest before continuing,

“Really really really amazing things with your life. And I’m so happy I get to be your biggest cheerleader.”

Mat’s gaze flickered towards your lips, wetting his own subconsciously. Tito chose that moment to intervene, much to your dismay, but he knew that if the two of you were going to confess your undying love you would rather it be sober and not seven drinks deep with a hundred strangers around.

All you remembered next was Tito throwing his arms around the two of you, saying something about heading back to Anders’ place for an afterparty.

A few weeks later you were laying on your bed when Mat came bounding up the stairs, having let himself in like he owned the place.

“We have a doorbell,” you rolled your eyes, kicking against his stomach when his fingers tickled the underside of your foot.

“And run the risk of you not letting me in?” Mat teased, “No thank you.”

He waved a piece of paper between his fingers, a smile on his face as he dug through your desk for tape.

“You come in my house unannounced and go through my desk without asking, you, Mathew Barzal, have gotten too comfortable,” you groaned, sitting up. He said nothing, only laughing while fashioning the photo to your mirror.

“Ta da!” He smiled, stepping away so that you could see. You wanted to continue being annoyed at him for crashing your “me-time” but the smile on his face made it so hard to turn him away.

“Can’t be annoyed at me now, huh,” he laughed, making himself comfortable on the bed beside you.

You huffed, shoving his chest and watching as he fell back against the pillows.

“Give me five minutes.”

Taking a shaky breath you sat down and pulled your laptop into your lap. It felt like jumping out of an airplane. You could see all the amazing sights below you, as far as the eye could see, but you had no idea what to expect of your landing. All you could hope for was that Mat would be the wind beneath your parachute, or if nothing else, be there to catch you when you landed.

 Hello,

Thank you for believing in me and my vision for this brand. I will gladly accept the position as Assistant Brand Director at your headquarters in Nashville. I look forward to joining your team and getting to know everyone. New and exciting things to come!

Thank you

Y/N Y/L/N

As soon as you pressed send you shut your laptop, not wanting to think about the inevitable until you absolutely had to. All you wanted to think about was having Mat back with you, even though it meant you had to break the news and manage whatever came of that.

 ~

 You were sitting on the front porch when Mat pulled into the driveway. The sun had begun to set, leaving everything around you dripping in gold as he climbed out of the truck. Despite the weight in your chest, you smiled widely when he called out to you.

 “Hey baby!” He pushed his hair off of his face, meeting you halfway so that he could sweep you into a hug. His skin was warm from having undoubtedly been out in the sun for the last week straight.

 “Hi,” you breathed, face buried in his neck. Mat felt like home and the ache in your chest only grew. Once he had you on your feet again he caught your chin between his forefinger and thumb, bringing your lips together. If felt like it had been a lifetime since you had kissed him, ironically so considering you had gone all those years without having ever tasted him. Now that you had it made you crave it that much more. For a moment the world, and all your troubles, faded away. Your mind felt clear and all you were focused on was his lips on yours. You wanted this right here to last forever.

 Alas, Mat pulled away, brushing his nose against yours as he smiled down at you. He’d missed you. That much you could tell.

 “Is anyone home?” Mat asked, glancing between you and the door. He noticed that you made no moves to pull him inside. You shook your head,

 “No.”

 It was hard to ignore the pounding in your chest, you just hoped he couldn’t hear it or feel it.

 “Do you want to watch a movie or go for a drive?” Mat asked, his eyes scanning your face. Something was up. He could sense it in the way you were averting your eyes from his.

 “Actually,” you said quietly, “I have to tell you something.”

 Mat raised his eyebrows, brain kicking into overdrive as he thought about what might have transpired in the few days he was gone.

 “What’s up?” His tone was laced with concern and you gently squeezed his hands, leading him back towards the house. This was not a conversation you needed to have with your neighbors in the audience.

 Once the door was shut behind you, Mat kicked off his shoes, letting you take a moment to gather yourself. The house felt eerily quiet and Mat began to feel that sinking feeling in his stomach. Had you changed your mind? Were you ending things before they had even really begun? Did you regret it? If you regretted it why did you greet him the way you did?

 Mat couldn’t stop his thoughts from spiraling so he was grateful when you cleared your throat.

 “Um,” you paused, fingers finding the ends of your hair to twirl around. Mat closed the gap between the two of you, pulling your hands away from your hair and taking them in his own.

 “I accepted a job offer,” you said. That was not what he had been expecting.

 Mat’s features twisted from initial excitement, confusion, and concern all within a matter of seconds.

 “Is that a bad-”

 “It’s in Nashville,” you said, finally forcing yourself to look him in the eyes. Mat physically recoiled, whether he meant to or not.

 “Nashville?” He repeated. You nodded.

 “But you’re not going to take it are you? I mean-” he trailed off, waving his hands aimlessly, grasping for words. He knew you’d been looking for work but he’d just assumed you’d been looking in New York. That’s where you had gone to school and where you’d always said you envisioned yourself living and working, and that’s where he was. At least, where he was planning on being.

 “You can’t-you can’t move to Nashville. I mean that’s-that’s, I don’t know exactly how far but it’s a far ways away from New York.”

 “I have to take it,” you said, staring at Mat with wide eyes. Was he being serious?

 “But it’s in Nashville…” Mat reiterated, as if you didn’t already realize that.

 “Yes, but Mat I can’t base my job on where you might be playing next season,” you explained, tangling your fingers in your hair,

 “You don’t have a contract in New York yet and god knows where you might end up if they can’t match other offers.”

 “So?” Mat’s tone was higher than usual and you could tell he was panicking. You had expected to be met with some resistance but not quite like this. The conversation had taken a turn faster than anticipated. While Mat was notoriously stubborn, he celebrated his friends and the people close to him. What you were feeling at the moment was anything but that. He kept glancing between you and the couch and the cardboard boxes in the hallway he hadn’t noticed before, trying to conjure up the words,

 “I’ve told you before you don’t need to work. I can provide for both of us.”

 You couldn’t help but let out a dry laugh, feeling offended at his offer,

 “I did not go to college and bust my ass off for four years to get a degree to end up becoming a trophy wife! And I’m not even your girlfriend! I’m just a friend that you fell in love with! You’ll find another one of me when I’m gone!”

 Mat groaned, dropping his head back and staring up at the ceiling,

 “You’re not just a friend. How could you think you’re just a friend?”

 “Well then what are we doing Mat? What have we been doing all this time? Until a week ago I didn’t even know I mattered that much to you.”

 “You didn’t know you mattered to me?” Mat stared at you incredulously.

 That may have been a bit of a stretch. Mat had never failed to make you feel important and he made an effort to find time for you regardless of his hectic schedule. And there were certainly moments where you caught glimpses of what life as Mat’s partner might look like.

 “Not like that,” you said softly. Mat didn’t say anything, he knew you were right about that. He’d kept his feelings to himself but in his defense so had you.

 “I can’t let go of this opportunity, Mat,” you continued, pleading for him to look at you. He met your gaze.

 “And you can’t ask me to. I would never ask you to put your life aside for me so please don’t ask me to do it for you.”

 “You said you were always going to be here for me!” Mat said, voice cracking and strained as he looked up at you. The sight was enough to make your heart break.

 “I am,” you cried, tears filling your eyes, “I will always be here for you. Even in Nashville.”

 “And how do you plan on doing that?” Mat asked, sounding defeated. You grasped for words, avoiding his eyes as you glanced around the living room,

 “I-I don’t-We’ll figure it out, Mat.”

 “Figure it out?” Mat looked at you incredulously, “Do we have time to figure it out?”

 You fell quiet, the impending date of your departure looming. Mat’s tone dropped,

 “You already told them yes?”

 “They gave me three days Mat,” you said, tone pleading. He nodded, looking away from you. As mad as he was at you, the way the sunlight that was coming in through the window was hitting your skin he swore he’d never seen you look so beautiful. And that was making this hurt all that much more.

 “When do you leave?”

 “Ten days,” you said, your voice weak. Mat’s eyes widened,

 “You’re leaving in ten days and you didn’t even bother to tell me?”

 “I had three days to make a decision,” you defended, “And you were gone. I had to make a choice.”

 “That doesn’t mean you couldn’t have at least told me,” Mat protested, “I would have been happy for you.”

 “What, are you not happy for me now?” You took a step back, feeling your mood take a turn.

 “Of course I’m happy for you and I’m proud of you,” Mat sighed, fingers running through his hair, “But put yourself in my shoes. This came out of left field, I didn’t even know Nashville was an option.”

 “Well I never knew Seattle was an option for you! Or New York! Or wherever the fuck you might end up next season! But I deal with it because I love you Mat. And I’m starting to think that you don’t love me enough back.”

 You knew that he loved you but now that you were standing in the eye of the storm you wondered if you were blinded by the idea of the two of you ending up together. It would be a fairytale ending, one for the ages. But was love alone enough to get the two of you through this? Mat was charming with everyone and looked at everyone like he was a little bit in love with them.

 Had it been foolish to think that he looked at you as if you hung the moon, even if you saw him as the man who painted the stars?

 ~

 “Shouldn’t Mat be helping you with this?” Jasmine huffed, pulling another armful of clothes from your closet. It was your last week at home before you had to be on a plane, heading across the border to Nashville, TN to start your new position.

“He has training,” you lied. The truth was you hadn’t seen Mat, or even heard from him, since the day that you broke the news of you leaving.

 “You think I don’t love you?” Mat said, his voice breaking.

“You’re supposed to support the people that you love, Mat,” you said.

“I do support you, I do,” Mat said, “But fuck if I’m not going to miss you like hell when you’re not right beside me.”

You had tears burning your eyes as he tugged at his hair, staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m just in shock,” Mat continued, “I guess I just assumed that you were looking in New York exclusively and that was foolish of me to think. And you’re right I can’t ask you to cater your life to me. I just didn’t know. I never imagined I’d lose you.”

“You’re not losing me, Mat,” you said, stepping closer to him, hands coming to rest on his chest. He dropped his chin, eyes trained on your hands as you curled your fingers around the material of his t-shirt.

“I do love you, you know,” Mat said, “And I will keep loving you even when you move to Nashville. You’re my best friend, you’re everything to me-”

“Barzy,” you whispered, shutting your eyes to stop the tears.

“But I can’t hold you back,” he continued, “There is so much out there waiting for you and maybe you don’t need me anymore. Maybe being in love isn’t enough to keep us together when there’s going to be a thousand miles between us.”

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 2.

“So no cuddling?” Jasmine pressed, snapping you from your daydream. You shook your head, bringing the mug to your lips.

 “I hope you’re not lying to me on my wedding day,” she pressed.

 “Even if we did I wouldn’t tell you.”

 “So you did?” Jasmine raised her eyebrows at you. You only shrugged, taking another sip of coffee.

 “Okay so I’m going to take that as a yes,” she grinned. You shrugged again, keeping your lips sealed.

 “Anything else happen? Anything that might prevent you from wanting to meet my friend?” Jasmine continued.

 “Did I say anything happened?” You challenged.

 “Well, no,” Jasmine rolled her eyes, “But-”

 “Then no,” you said, “I would love to meet your friend.”

 “Y/N, come on,” Jasmine deadpanned, “You can’t honestly tell me that nothing hap-”

 “Shh!” You hushed her, hearing Mat stumbling down the stairs. Thankfully she clamped her mouth shut, finishing off her coffee.

 “Morning,” Mat nodded to both of you, clearly still tired and wishing he was in bed.

 “Morning,” Jasmine said all too cheerily and you shot daggers at her with your eyes.

 “Today’s the day,” Mat grinned, helping himself to a mug for coffee.

 “I know,” Jasmine beamed, “I am so excited. In fact, I need to go hop in the shower because hair and makeup is going to be here in like 45 minutes.”

 She hopped up from her stool,

 “I probably won’t see much of you guys for the rest of the day so just remember things start at 2pm don’t be late because you’re sitting near the front and I will notice.”

 You rolled your eyes playfully, rounding the island to give her a hug.

 “We won’t be late!”

 “Good,” she grinned, pulling back and making her way towards the back door, “I’m getting married today!”

 You and Mat couldn’t help but laugh as she bounded out of the guest house towards the one she was staying in.

 “I think I’m going to go shower as well,” you spoke softly, suddenly very aware of the fact that you and Mat were alone in the kitchen. He nodded in your direction, intent on making himself some breakfast. You didn’t say anything else, just grabbing your mug and bringing it with you as you made your way back up the stairs. Half way down the hall you bumped into Tyson, who’s curls were fully fluffed and resembling something of a bird’s nest.

 The smirk that spread across his face when he saw you told you everything you needed to know.

 “Too early Josty!” You groaned.

 “I didn’t say anything!” He defended, hands up in surrender. You narrowed your eyes at him,

 “No, but I could see it in your eyes.”

 Tyson could only grin, ruffling your hair,

 “I won’t say anything to you.”

 “Tyson!” You whined, knowing he was on his way to give Mat shit about having shared a bed.

 “You can’t stop me!” He laughed, sprinting away from you. You flipped him off before he disappeared down the stairs. At least you would have to be a witness of the conversation as you shut the bedroom door behind you and made your way into the bathroom.

 Tyson grinned when Mat turned to see who was coming into the kitchen.

 “Ugh,” Mat groaned, picking up his plate and moving to the barstool so he could eat.

 “What?” Tyson deflected, unable to wipe the smirk off of his face.

 “Just get it over with,” Mat huffed, taking a bite of food.

 “You seem to know what I’m going to ask so why don’t you just give me your answer?” Tyson challenged.

 “I’d rather not,” Mat said.

 “That awful?” Tyson smirked.

 Mat rolled his eyes, shaking his head,

 “Nothing happened.”

 Tyson didn’t look like he believed him but Mat held strong.

 When the sunlight came in through the open window Mat was already awake. He had fallen asleep quickly in the comfort of holding your body close to his but when he woke up a few hours later, his arm completely asleep, he couldn’t find it in himself to pull away and find a more comfortable position. Not that you would have minded at all. Or even noticed. But this was the safest Mat had felt in a long time. He could feel your steady heartbeat beneath his fingertips, the only thing separating the skin to skin contact was the material of your t-shirt. One that he was almost positive used to be his from his Seattle days. He didn’t dare attempt to get that back. It was yours now and he liked it that way.

You were still sleeping peacefully, breathing even and slow. Mat’s eyes felt heavy and tired but he couldn’t look away. Light was illuminating your face and your skin seemed to glow the same way it had in the moonlight, except now the morning golden hour had you dripping in honey colored beams. He rested his forehead against your shoulder, lips barely grazing over your back as he willed himself to ignore the pins and needles in his arm and just fall back asleep. Just as he was beginning to drift off you sucked in a deep breath, your body tensing momentarily before relaxing against him again.

“Mat,” you hummed softly, hand sliding over his arm and gently pulling it away from your waist,

“I have to pee.”

“You’re warm,” Mat mumbled against your back. Even in your tired state you couldn’t help but laugh, using your elbow to push back against his shoulder.

“Let me get up.”

“No,” Mat whined, holding tighter, “Because once you’re up you’re not coming back to bed.”

He knew you well. Once you were up and moving around it was impossible to get you back into bed. It was a trait he envied deeply and wished he himself possessed.

“You’re so not helping,” you muttered, pulling away from him. You could feel him frown, lips brushing over your skin and nearly giving you goosebumps. Somehow, thankfully, you managed to repress them. Mat resentfully let you go, hands drifting over your waist as you stood from the bed. He would be lying if he said he didn’t get a great view of your butt before the t-shirt fell back over your thighs. Before you turned around though he shut his eyes, burying his head in your pillow. He still needed sleep and now that you were gone there was nothing stopping him from finding a comfortable position.

Once you emerged from the bathroom you checked the time on your phone, 6:14. Too early for Mat and frankly very early for you. Had you shut the curtains the night before you might just have slept all morning.

“Mat,” you said, kneeling on the bed and grabbing his shoulder, “It’s 6:15.”

Mat groaned into the pillow, flopping onto his stomach and burrowing further into the down feathers.

“I take it you don’t want to get up?” You giggled, leveling yourself with him. He shook his head.

“I’m going to go start coffee, don’t fall back asleep.”

Mat groaned again, this one higher in pitch and more stubborn.

“Hey we’re supposed to be in this weekend together,” you pouted, not that he could see your face. But he could hear it in your tone. And as much as he knew you were guilting him into it, he couldn’t deny that it was working.

“Okay,” he turned his head to look at you, sleepy eyes and a strand of hair drooped over his forehead. You swore you felt your heart stop beating for a moment, the way he was looking at you taking the air from your lungs.

“What?” Mat asked, eyes searching your face. You shook your head, smiling down at him and threading your fingers through his hair,

“Nothing. You just look tired. Did you sleep well?”

Mat hummed in response. He did sleep well in the beginning, but he didn’t need to tell you that you put his arm to sleep and caused him to wake up at 5 am.

“I’m a pretty good cuddler,” you grinned. Mat chuckled, his voice still foggy with sleep,

“I could get used to this.”

“Mm,” you smirked down at him, “You’ll have to wait a few years for that yet.”

Mat let out a groan as you stood up, digging for a pair of sweats so that you could go downstairs. The memory of your agreement from the night before flooded Mat’s mind. It was either the most genius idea he’d ever had or his worst decision to date.

“Hello?” Tyson waved his hand in front of Mat’s face, who had been sitting with his toast halfway to his lips for the last five minutes. Mat forced himself back into reality, feeling his face heat up as he looked over at Tyson.

 “What planet were you on?” Tyson teased. Mat narrowed his eyes at him, taking another bite.

 “How are you going to survive today?” Tyson asked, “I don’t get why you don’t just tell Jas not to introduce them.”

 “Like I said yesterday, I’m not her gatekeeper. She can do whatever she wants the same way I can do whatever I want,” Mat shrugged.

 “Yeah but...she’ll actually go on a date with this guy, would you even look at another bridesmaid?”

 Mat fell quiet. Tyson had a point. Mat could hardly look at anyone else when you were in the room with him.

 “I would,” Mat lied. Tyson raised his eyebrows at him,

 “Dude...I mean...come on.”

 “What?” Mat let out an anxious laugh, running his fingers through his hair. Tyson didn’t say anything, just continued to look at him with the same pointed look. Mat finally huffed, standing up and putting his plate in the dishwasher.

 “I’ll prove it to you tonight,” Mat shrugged, immediately regretting his words.

 “Yeah?” Tyson crossed his arms over his chest, “I’ll even pick one out for you.”

 “Perfect,” Mat said, a chip in his tone. Tyson was smiling but Mat could see the mischief in his eyes.

 “Don’t make me regret this,” Mat said, pointing a finger at Tyson before making his way to the stairs.

 The bedroom door was closed when he got there but he figured you were still in the shower, so he pushed the door open and then shut it quietly behind him. The door leading into the en suite was open and he could tell the mirror was fogged up with steam.

 “Hey are you-oh fuck! Sorry!” Mat nearly tripped over his own feet when his eyes met your naked frame standing in the bathroom. Blood drained from his face, straight down south and Mat was left with his jaw hanging open.

 “Mathew Barzal! Don’t you ever knock?” You shrieked, lunging for your towel. You had been combing out your hair and the towel had gotten loose and fallen away. Thinking that Mat would still be eating breakfast, or at least have the decency to knock before entering, you didn’t move to pick it up right away. Now you were regretting it as Mat stood there like a deer in the headlights. Water droplets were still clinging to the skin of your shoulders and he could barely pull his attention away.

 “I thought you would be done by now!” Mat defended lamely, trying to avert his eyes anywhere as you fixed the towel around your body. Your skin felt like it was on fire and suddenly you desperately wanted to cross your legs together.

 “I am but that doesn’t mean I’m fully dressed,” you laughed, crossing your arms instead.

 “Well I know that now,” Mat said, hand up in surrender. God what those hands might be capable of.

 “What do you need?” You asked. You did your best to keep your gaze from dropping down to those grey sweat shorts hanging low on his hips. The air felt heavy and it wasn’t from the steam. You scooted past him as you exited the bathroom, starting to dig for some clothes to throw on while you got ready.

 “I was going to see if I could hop in the shower,” Mat said weakly, voice small. You didn’t say anything, simply gesturing towards the now open bathroom for him to occupy. Mat nodded shortly, ducking his head as he turned away from you.

 As soon as the door was separating the room both of you let out a deep sigh. The dull ache between your legs was still there, begging for your attention. There was a part of your mind that taunted you, begging the question of why did you just let him stare? But he was your best friend and he didn’t see you like that. He was only your safety.

 Mat pressed his head against the wood, cursing himself. The image of your body was engraving itself in his mind. He’d seen you in bikinis a hundred times and had certainly walked in on you in your underwear more than a few times. Never before, though, had he seen all of you. And now he couldn’t get it out of his mind. To make matters worse, he could feel his dick straining against the material of his shorts. He caught a look of his reflection in the mirror, an obvious outline of his dick against the grey fabric.

 “Fuck,” he cursed to himself, praying that you hadn’t seen it. He turned on the shower, flipping the water to cold. Once he’d stripped himself he stepped underneath the flow of the shower head. Cold water rained over him, heightening all of his senses. He hated to admit it but this was not the first time that he’d gone through this routine. Once Mat had fully wetted his hair he braced his weight against the shower wall with one hand, the other gripping his hard cock in his hand. His eyes fell shut and the image of you, standing there in the bathroom with the morning light pouring in from the skylight, lips slightly parted as you stared at him with an innocent expression. Steam from the shower was hanging in the air around you, hair slightly tangled where you hadn’t quite combed it out yet. It was a glimpse, a moment, barely even a second but it was everything.  

 You heard the shower turn on and you turned the lock on the bedroom door, dropping the towel to the floor once again. You found the nearest t-shirt and threw it on, climbing under the sheets of the unmade bed. For once you weren’t mad that Mat hadn’t bothered to pull the sheets up when he finally got out of bed. Surely you had at least five minutes, maybe even ten considering he’d probably need to shave once he was done in the shower. However long you had, you knew it wouldn’t take much to get yourself off. The teasing of each other was one thing, but for him to be looking at you with that storm in his eyes was a whole other ball game.

 Your hand trailed down your body, shifting your t-shirt out of the way. Bending your knees, you gave yourself room to dip your hand between your thighs. The brief interaction had already gotten you wet and as you drug your fingers up your slit you collected your arousal, letting a soft sigh fall past your lips. Sliding one finger inside your pussy you let your mind wander to that dangerous place.

 Mat’s hands would feel so, so good.

You slowly picked up speed, eyes falling shut as you imagined Mat’s calloused hands in place of your own. It was so bad to be thinking about him like that but boy did you ever want it. Just as you caught a moan in your throat a sound from the bathroom made your eyes snap open and your heart stopped.

 Mat tried his best to hold back his moans, biting down on his bottom lip so hard he drew blood as he stroked himself faster, breathing ragged. He brushed his thumb over his swollen tip and that did it for him, cumming on his own hand with a strangled groan. His hand fell from where it had been flattened against the shower wall, knocking into the shampoo bottle on the ledge and sending it to the ground.

 “Shit,” he cursed to himself, leaning down to pick it up before rinsing himself off in the shower. At least if you heard anything maybe that would have distracted you enough. Mat’s shoulders felt more relaxed now as he washed his hair and finished up in the shower. As was usual, a familiar feeling of guilt crept into his chest. He knew there was some level of wrong to getting off to the image of your best friend but it didn’t stop him each time he did it. And somewhere in his mind he knew that you did it too. Maybe he didn’t have proof but he’d watched you cross and uncross your legs many times in the length of your friendship.

 You pulled your hand from between your thighs and kicked the sheets off. After scrambling to pull on a pair of panties and some shorts you dropped onto the bed again, flat. Okay, maybe trying to get yourself off to the thought of your best friend while he was showering ten feet away was not the best idea. Duly noted. Upside, he didn’t catch you. Downside, now you were going to be horny all day while he walked around in a nice suit, charming the pants off of everybody.

 ~

 “Mat?” You asked quietly, “Can you help me with this zipper?”

 Mat was standing in the bathroom, finishing up with his hair, dressed only in his suit pants. The dress shirt he was going to wear was draped over the back of the vanity chair along with his jacket and tie. You wished nothing more but for him to put his damn clothes on so that the pulse between your legs would stop.

 You held the front of your dress against your chest as you stood in the doorway of the bathroom, back facing Mat. His hands ghosted over your waist as he slowly dragged the zipper up to the top.

 “Today junior,” you teased, glancing at him over your shoulder. He was already smirking down at you.

 “I’m not trying to catch your hair,” he said easily, but his eyes glinted with mischief. You spun around to face him, holding your hands out to the side and letting the slit fall on either side of your leg.

 “How do I look?”

 Mat sucked in a breath, eyes trailing over your figure. Everything about the way you looked right now had his heart melting in his chest. The smile on your face was infectious and he grinned right back at you, reaching out for your hands and making you do a quick spin.

 “You look stunning,” he spoke softly. You stumbled on the hem of your dress, steadying yourself on his chest for balance.

 “You might consider getting dressed and then maybe I’ll have some competition,” you teased, ignoring the feeling of his firm chest beneath your fingertips. You swore to yourself you were imagining things when you felt his heartbeat increase.

 Mat chuckled, untangling his hands from yours and stepping back into the bathroom,

 “I was actually thinking I’d just go like this. You don’t mind right?”

 His eyes cast over you once again and you swallow thickly, shaking your head.

 “You should probably even out your tan anyway.”

 Mat rolled his eyes, glaring at you as he tossed his hair products back into his travel kit. As he moved back into the bedroom to finish getting ready he watched as you admired your reflection in the mirror. It was so unfair that you walked around looking that gorgeous and he couldn’t do anything about it. Well, he could, but it would mean risking everything. And he’d rather have you as a safety than nothing at all.

 ~

 And while it was Jasmine’s special day, Mat couldn’t shake those thoughts from his mind the entire afternoon and well into the evening. The ceremony, while beautiful and emotional, couldn’t even distract him enough as his mind continued to wander back to what it would be like to have you up there at the altar. What had he been thinking, making a pact with you. Seven years he had left until that pact was fair game, if it even meant anything at all to you.

 He watched as you laughed and smiled with Jasmine, giving her a tight hug in congratulations as the reception was in full swing around him. He’d ditched his jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves, needing some room to breathe. He never did tell Jasmine to refrain from introducing you to her friend, mostly out of the ignorant belief that with the chaos of her wedding she would forget. But he should have known better. Jasmine rarely forgot. She still remembered sophomore year of high school when he accidentally sent a hockey puck through her living room window and blamed her for it so that her parents wouldn’t tell his parents. Of course she wouldn’t forget this. Not only because she wanted the best for you but because it meant rubbing it in Mat’s stubborn face. Her favorite hobby. It was out of tough love and he knew that. But he also knew he had been lying to himself when he claimed it to be no big deal that you went out and dated other people. That it would be totally fine for Jasmine to introduce you to her attractive, financially smart friend. Mat could go and chat up any one of the bridesmaids if he wanted to, if for nothing more than a distraction. But he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as Jasmine tugged you by your arm across the reception hall. It was like a train wreck.

 And, god, was it going to hurt.

 The music felt too loud, your dress felt too exposing, and the wine you had been consuming all afternoon was making your head feel heavy.

 Unfortunately, Evan did not seem to notice that you were spaced out of the conversation as he explained exactly what it was that he did in finance. You wanted so desperately to retreat back to your table, to the safety of Mat’s company, but Jasmine had been so sweet to introduce you and he seemed nice enough so you didn’t want to be that bitch that brushed him off. But you couldn’t deny that you’d rather have Mat teasing you for how drunk you were rather than listening to Evan explain the difference between the finance department and the accounting department...or maybe it was the finance department and the logistics...analytics? Whatever, it didn’t matter.

You glanced back in the direction of your table, hoping that Mat would catch your eye and come rescue you. However, he was nowhere to be found. Tyson was still sitting at the table, chatting with an old friend of Jasmine’s as if they’d been friends for years but your best friend was MIA. Dammit. You refocused your attention on Evan, nodding along to his story and taking a sip of water before glancing over to Tyson again, praying that he would look up.

 You repeated the action easily ten times, none of which Evan commented on, before Tyson finally noticed you staring at him. The stupid grin on his face that resulted made you regret your actions instantly, but he did excuse himself from the conversation he was in and make his way to you.

 “Mind if I interrupt?” He asked, stepping up beside you and gently placing a hand on your shoulder.

 “Hey Tys,” you smiled gratefully, giving Evan an apologetic look. After promising to find him again later so you could give him your number you followed after Tyson as he led you to the dancefloor. With a heavy sigh you draped your arms loosely around his neck and swayed to the song playing. The grin still hadn’t left his face and you rolled your eyes,

 “What?”

 “Just admit it.”

 “Admit what?” You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to refrain from searching the venue for any signs of Mat.

 Tyson chuckled, glancing past your shoulder,

 “He’s over there by the way.”

 “Huh?” You pretended to play dumb, glancing back to see Mat leaning against the bar with a drink in his hand. You hoped he’d look over and see you with Tyson, maybe feel the same pang of jealousy you were feeling in the current moment. He was too busy flirting with one of the bridesmaids to notice you.

 When you turned back to Tyson the smirk was gone and he was watching you closely.

 “Will you stop that?” You groaned.

 “I don’t know why both of you make this so hard,” Tyson sighed, shaking his head.

 “What are you talking about?”

 “You know he’s only talking to her to make you jealous, right?” Tyson said. You rolled your eyes,

 “No he’s not. He’s talking to her because she’s pretty and probably makes him laugh.”

 “Mat laughs at everything,” Tyson argued.

 “Not anything you say,” you muttered under your breath. Tyson stepped on your toes.

 “Ow!” You cursed him, knowing you were well deserving of that.

 “You’re pretty too, Y/N,” Tyson said. He felt a little bit guilty that he was the one to blame for why Mat was even talking to another girl.

 “Careful Josty, I’ve had four glasses of wine and I’m feeling frisky,” you teased, making him laugh, hands pinching your waist gently.

 “Maybe you should go talk to Mat then,” Tyson said, spinning you around and giving you a gentle shove in Mat’s direction.

 “No!” You gasped, gripping Tyson’s arm, as if you were scared at the prospect of speaking to Mat. Really it was the fact that the girl was very obviously flirting with him and the way she had her fingers placed ever so perfectly on his forearm told you she had every intention of bringing him to her room later. The thought made you feel sick.

 “Y/N,” Tyson peered down at you over your shoulder, “Why are you so scared of the idea that he might like you back?”

 You let your hands drop from Tyson’s arm. Sure Tyson teased you about Mat day in and day out, but you didn’t actually think he knew, nevertheless that he would call you out on it.

 “I’m going back to the house,” you muttered, shaking your head, grounding yourself in reality as you glanced up at Tyson.

 “Wait-” Tyson reached after you but you were too fast, slipping away from his grip and making your way to the exit. He let his hands drop to his sides, staring after you. He glanced over at Mat, curious as to whether he was watching you or not, but he was nowhere to be found.

 Fuck. Tyson tugged at his hair, feeling slightly panicked that maybe he’d pushed you both too far.

 ~

 You struggled out of your dress, hardly able to reach the zipper yourself. As soon as you had a large t-shirt thrown over your body you stepped into the bathroom to take off your makeup. You felt stupid for thinking that talking to Evan would have had any sort of effect on Mat. He was oblivious so of course he was just chatting away with the pretty bitch at the bar. Okay, you took a deep breath, she’s not a bitch just because you’re jealous.

 You couldn’t help, though, that your mind was running wild with the possibilities of how tonight might go. What if he hooked up with her and then decided to take her for breakfast and then they started talking everyday and then he decided to take her as his wedding date to every wedding in the future? What if-

 A knock on the bedroom door interrupted you and you stepped out into the bedroom,

 “Yeah?”

 Mat poked his head around the door, eyes scanning the room for you.

 “Hey, you okay?”

“M’fine,” you shrugged, moving back to the bedroom to finish taking off your makeup. You heard him kicking off his shoes, tossing his suit jacket onto the pile of clothes he’d stacked on the chair in the corner.

 “You just ran off kind of quickly,” Mat said softly, dropping onto the bed, elbows on his knees as he watched you.

 “Didn’t know you were watching me,” you said. Your tone was harsher than intended but you couldn’t get the image of him and the girl out of your head.

 “I’m always watching you,” Mat teased, hands moving to unbutton his shirt the rest of the way. You rolled your eyes and while you knew better than to say the next few words you couldn’t refrain,

 “I guess I just figured you were too busy canoodling at the bar.”

 Mat paused, fingers on the second to last button.

 “So you saw that,” he muttered quietly. He didn’t know why he would have assumed anything different. Mostly, he just thought you’d be wrapped up in Ethan...or whatever the guy’s name was.

 “I have eyes,” you huffed, stepping back into the bedroom and moving around the bed.

 “Are you...upset?” Mat asked. If you hadn’t been four glasses of wine deep you might have caught the hopeful tone in his voice.

 “No I’m not upset, at least not because you were talking to some bridesmaid,” you scoffed, throwing your hair up into a bun.

 “So why are you upset?” Mat pressed.

 “I’m not.”

 “I think you are.”

 “Well,” you sighed, “You can think all you want. I’m not upset.”

 Mat held his hands up in defense, sensing the need to change the topic.

 “So how was Ethan?”

 “Evan.”

 “How was Evan?” Mat said, rolling his eyes when you turned your back.

 “Nice enough, smart enough,” you shrugged.

 “But…” Mat trailed off.

 “But nothing.”

 “But he’s not me,” Mat smirked, obviously making a joke but you were not in the mood. Especially when he was sitting there with his shirt off and the band of his boxers visible over the top of his trousers. You spun around, fire in your eyes as you glared at him, all of your frustration peaking in that moment.

 “Stop doing that!”

 Mat furrowed his brows, trying to read your expression.

 “Wha-”

 “Stop putting yourself above every other guy that I try and talk to,” you cried, trying to keep your voice low as to not wake anyone else in the house who may have come back to bed, “Eventually I have to find someone to date and fall in love with and marry, and I can’t do that when you always do this!”

 Mat stayed quiet, eyes dropping to stare at his hands.

 “Yes Evan might not be a hockey player and he might not have perfect hair like you, but he’s still a good guy and maybe he’s worth trying to get to know better,” you said, trying to convince yourself more than you were Mat.

 “But we have a pact,” Mat said quietly. You swore you’d never heard him so soft spoken before.

 “Yeah,” you laughed dryly, “I’m your backup plan, but you’re not the only one who gets to try and find a plan A.”

 Mat opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out so you threw your hands up in defeat,

 “I’m getting water.”

 Your head was pounding and you needed to remove yourself from the space. Mat didn’t move or try and catch you from walking out, only digging the knife in deeper.

 Down in the kitchen you made yourself a cup of tea, trying to buy yourself some time. Maybe Mat would be asleep by the time you got back. The house was quiet as you moved to sit on the couch, fingers curling around your mug. The back door opened and Tyson came walking in. When his eyes landed on you he looked guilty.

 “Back for more?” You said. You knew the attitude was unnecessary but Mat had opened the floodgates.

 “Y/N,” Tyson sank onto the chair across from you, his shirt was almost fully unbuttoned and you were positive he had lost his jacket.

 “Look Tys,” you sighed, “I adore you, I really do, but please, for the love of god, just stay out of this.”

 “I was just going to say,” Tyson started slowly, “That I won’t tell him anything.”

 “What?”

 “I won’t tell him anything,” Tyson repeated, “Like about your feelings and stuff.”

 “I didn’t-” you began to protest.

 “Y/N,” Tyson chuckled softly, shaking his head, “You and I both know the truth and I’m telling you I won’t say anything. Your secret is safe with me. And I’ll stay out of it from now on.”

 You shuffled further into the couch, bringing your mug to your lips,

 “Thank you, Tyson.”

 He nodded, standing up and pressing a kiss against your forehead before heading up the stairs. It felt a little good to have gotten it out in the open, even if you hadn’t explicitly told him. At least it was out in the universe now and you didn’t have to carry the weight alone.

 You stretched out along the sofa and rested your chin on the arm rest, staring out over the lake in the distance. You thought back to earlier in the evening, during the ceremony and the beginning of the reception, when you and Mat had been practically joined at the hip. He was teasing you, constantly putting his hand on the exposed skin of your leg, leaning in closely to mumble critiques about the other guests’ attire, subtly pouring more wine into your glass after each sip you took. It was so easy to have a good time with him. Why did that have to change? You should have told Jas that you didn’t want to meet Evan, but that would have meant confessing to yourself, and everyone else, that you were head over heels for Mat. While Tyson had pulled it out of you by mere accident, you weren’t ready to face the rest of the world yet.

 Mat lay up in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He wasn’t exactly sure what had led to your outburst but he knew he was a main character in that. Why did he have to go and take Tyson up on that bet? Why didn’t he tell Jasmine not to introduce you to her friend? Why did he have to be so stupid? His thoughts were spinning around faster than the ceiling fan above him and you still hadn’t come back up to bed. Mat kicked the covers off and grabbed a pair of shorts to throw on so he could go downstairs. Not that anyone was probably awake anyway. It was nearing 3 am at this point. Which is why it was concerning you weren’t back in bed.

 Mat tip toed towards the stairs, careful to skip the one that creaked. As the living room came into view he could see you curled up on the couch, fast asleep. You looked so peaceful, laying there with your baby hairs falling around your face, your bun sloped to the side. The t-shirt you were wearing, the same one of his from the night before, had slid up your thigh along with the hem of your shorts. Mat didn’t want to disturb you but he wasn’t going to let you get a kink in your neck. He carefully scooped you up in his arms, pretending his heart didn’t leap to his throat when you turned and buried your face in his neck, arms wrapping loosely around his neck.

 It took everything in him to not drop you as he slowly made his way up the stairs. He couldn’t see the steps in front of him and each time his toe caught he felt like he was going to launch you forward. Thankfully, though, he made it back to the bedroom successfully and settled you under the covers.

 As he was pulling the sheets over both of you again you shifted, half asleep, reaching out for him.

 “Mat?” Your voice was thick with sleep and your palm made contact with his firm chest. Mat curled his fingers around your wrist and shuffled closer to you.

 “I’m right here.”

 You made a noise of contentment and he tucked you into his side, feeling his heart rate settle now that he had you back and close again. Just as he felt his eyes slip closed and he heard your breathing even out, your mumbled words vibrated against his chest.

 “I love you.”

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 1.

Summer had arrived and that meant weddings, weddings, and more weddings. It wasn’t normally like this, it was just that everyone that you had ever crossed paths with in your entire life had decided to get married that summer.

 Well, everyone except Mat it seemed. Which you were grateful for because it meant that you had another single soldier to drink with at the open bar at each of these events.

The two of you had been out in New York over the past four years, arguably the worst place to find love. Or even anything remotely close to love. You had dated people on and off over the years but they all ended more or less the same way. The flame died as quickly as it had sprouted, they had too many cooks in their kitchen, or your personal favorite, Mat ran them off before the second date. He claimed that as your best friend he would be able to determine whether or not the guy was right for you and apparently none of them had been deemed worthy enough because they were almost always sent running for the hills within a matter of days of meeting Mat.

 In Mat’s case, he spent so much time on the road that anything more serious than a casual hook up that never went more than three nights was considered too much of a commitment. You couldn’t blame the kid though to be fair. He was always honest about his intentions from the very beginning and was as gentlemanly as one could be in a situation like that. You still encouraged him to try dating but he always brushed you off and changed the topic before you could even realize he was changing the topic.

 But this summer you were grateful that he had never bothered to take your advice because it meant you could drag him along as your date and he could take you as his, effectively silencing any relatives or old friends from asking about your relationship status. At least, that was the hope. The coming weekend was a trial run to see how the rest of the summer may unfold.

 A long time friend of yours, and a training buddy of Mat’s, was getting married on Saturday at a lake house outside of Vancouver. It meant that both of you were invited to not only attend the wedding but stay in the guest house with a few other friends. Which is what Mat was “helping” you pack for currently.

 You rifled through the collection of dresses you had acquired in preparation for the wedding season ahead. Mat had done nothing but chirp you for how much money you had spent on the different options, all followed by him bragging on how he hadn’t spent a single dime.

 “In my defense, you already own more suits than I own dresses” you argued, sifting through your closet in search of the particular dress you were wearing the coming weekend. Mat was stretched out on your bed and had been chirping you since you let him inside.

 “Yes but my suits are investments. What are you going to do with all of these dresses after you wear them?” Mat asked, tucking his hands behind his head as he leaned against your pillows.

 “Maybe you’ll have to invite me to more events with you and I’ll have excuses to wear them,” you smirked, finally pulling the one you’d been looking for and zipping it into a garment bag.

 “Stop trying to trick me into a date,” Mat teased. You rolled your eyes as you began pulling other clothes to pack for the weekend.

 “You should be so lucky as to date me.”

 Mat laughed, the sound echoing off of the walls in your room,

 “I would be a lucky guy. But you said I’m too annoying to do more with than friend zone. If I remember correctly.”

 You bit the inside of your cheek, the conversation that led to that flashing through your mind. You had only been teasing, and maybe slightly drunk as well, when you told Mat that he was in the friend zone. It was somewhat of a truth but more than that it was a lie. Mat was your best friend and you didn’t want anything to ruin that. However, it was hard to deny that Mat was practically the unit of measurement that you used to evaluate every guy that you dated. You compared everything in a prospective mate to Mat. Their hair, their style, their laugh, their intelligence, their charm, their smile, etc. And nobody ever measured up. At least not completely. Sure, you’d been on dates where the person on the other side of the table had a degree in something ridiculously hard like chemical engineering that surely had more literal intelligence than Mat. But it was never the same and it was never the whole package.

 It continuously baffled you that Mat hadn’t found the love of his life yet. How could someone so charming and successful have such a hard time finding someone who was the perfect match? He certainly had no shortage of beautiful women in his life. You often wondered if maybe he had met the one already but he was so focused on hockey that he didn’t even notice.

 “That’s rather unfortunate for you,” you quipped, swatting Mat’s hand away as he kept removing items of clothing from your suitcase.

 “Actually I think in this case it is rather unfortunate for you. I would make a great boyfriend,” Mat shrugged.

 “Except for the fact that you don’t want to be somebody’s boyfriend,” you laughed. Mat could only grin up at you, knowing you were right. He really wasn’t looking for a girlfriend at the moment. There were too many other stressors for him with contract negotiations and wondering whether or not he was going to need to be packing up his apartment in New York in the next few months.

 Just as you added a pair of folded sweats to the suitcase Mat pulled them out again, making you groan in annoyance.

 “I swear to god it’s like having a toddler,” you muttered, finally moving the suitcase to the floor while Mat laughed.

 “I just don’t think you need to pack sweats. It’s supposed to be 85 all weekend and we’re going to be at the lake.”

 “You also think I don’t need to pack this shirt to sleep in? Or any of my underwear?” You asked, hands on your hips as you gestured towards the other stack of clothes Mat had pulled from your suitcase.

 “I’m not opposed,” Mat smirked, earning him a smack in the face with a throw pillow.

 It was nothing new. Mat’s teasing. He made it clear to you that he found you attractive. Whether it was complimenting how your ass looked in certain pairs of jeans or hyping you up on your Instagram, Mat was open about how hot he thought his best friend was. And it never bothered you, it was nice to feel appreciated. Especially on days when you weren’t feeling your best. Mat was always there to remind you of how beautiful he thought you were.

 “Have you even started packing?” You asked, reorganizing everything in your suitcase so you had room for your makeup.

 “Nope,” Mat sighed, “But I know that I’ll need my suit and my swim trunks. And that’s about it.”

 “You’re going commando?��� You teased. Mat grinned down at you,

 “And lucky for you we’re sharing a bed so you’ll have easy access.”

 Because you and Mat had announced that you were going together, your friends had put the two of you in the same room. Which undoubtedly meant you would be sharing a bed. Which, you had only ever done on extremely drunk occasions where you were afraid Mat would throw up in his sleep or Mat thought you might try and sneak out to hook up with the latest guy who had hurt your feelings. So, sharing a bed while sober would be an experience to say the least.

 “It’ll be a struggle but I think I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself,” you winked at Mat as he sat up, watching you tuck the last of your things into your bag.

 “I really should go pack, huh?” Mat sighed, clearly not wanting to engage in the responsibility.

 “Well, considering it’s now almost 9:30pm the night before we need to leave,” you held up your phone for him to see the time, only for him to let out another groan.

 “Hey, you said it won’t take you that long,” you teased. Mat stood up, grabbing his keys from your dresser and slipping his phone into his back pocket.  

 “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? I’m picking you up at 9.”

 You nodded, glancing at him over your shoulder as he opened your bedroom door,

 “Please pack something to sleep in!”

 “I’ll consider it!”

 ~

 The area where the wedding was taking place was gorgeous. Driving up to it you drove along miles of tree lined roads. You had completely zoned out of the conversation that Mat was having with Tyson in the front, too busy staring out the window to pay them any mind. They’d spent the entire drive singing to the Mamma Mia soundtrack, reminding you exactly why you should have never shown them that movie. Definitely ruined it for you.

 “We’re almost there can we please put something else on? I’ve been so patient,” you whined, leaning forward against the center console and pouting up at Tyson who was controlling the aux.

 “What! You don’t like being serenaded by us?” Tyson asked, mocking offense as he clutched his chest.

 “Not for two hours,” you muttered under your breath, reaching for his phone and successfully snatching it from his hands. Tyson reached for it but you sank into the backseat and scrolled through his Spotify to find something else to listen to for the remainder of the drive, grinning victoriously.

 “Please play Nickelback!” Mat begged from the driver’s seat.

 “God no!” Tyson leaned back against the headrest.

 “I’ll allow it,” you smirked, poking your tongue out at Tyson as he glared at you.

 “This is why you’re my favorite,” Mat caught your eye in the rearview mirror. Tyson muttered something under his breath that you didn’t catch over the sound of the song but whatever it was earned him a smack on the arm from Mat.

 You furrowed your brows, looking at Mat again but he just shook his head, an easy smile on his face as he started singing along to Rockstar.

 When he finally pulled in the driveway of the wedding venue you gasped, sliding over to the window and watching the house come into view.

 “Oh my god!” You breathed, “This is stunning.”

 “She’s already getting ideas,” Tyson teased, jutting his thumb out at you. Mat couldn’t help but laugh, knowing he was going to be hearing about it all summer. You had always fantasized about your dream wedding. The details were always changing but he knew that you had a Pinterest board full of inspiration and there was no doubt in his mind that come September you would have an album on your phone with pictures captured from the weekends of celebration.

 “We’ll see who’s teasing who when it comes time for you to get married and your fiance is stressed because you have no input on the wedding, Josty,” you chirped, tousling his hair as Mat pulled in to park. Tyson barely had time to swat your hand away before you were unbuckling your seatbelt and climbing out of the car. The boys watched as you ran down the pathway that led to the dock.

 It was still only mid-morning but the sun was already high in the sky, reflecting off of the still water and making it glitter. Even with the surrounding houses and properties it was still quiet. There were a few other cars in the driveway but you knew that there were only a handful of people apart from the bridal party that were staying in the house.

 You were so lost in thought, admiring all of the views around you that you didn’t hear Mat’s footsteps on the dock behind you until he was right there, arms scooping you up.

 “Mat no!” You shrieked, immediately clinging to his neck. If he was going to throw you in then he was going to be right there with you. Mat stood on the end of the dock and held you over the water, smirking down at you,

 “I’m not that much of an asshole.”

 You scowled,

 “I wouldn’t put it past you Barz. You’ve done far worse to me.”

 Mat threw his head back laughing, thinking back to the times he’d accidentally made you trip into a mud puddle, or has thrown up on your shoes after drinking too much, or the time he gave you a black eye after not warning you that he was popping the bottle of champagne.

 “I won’t,” he grinned, turning and setting you down on your feet, “At least not yet.”

 You steadied yourself on his shoulder, catching the mischievous glint in his eyes.

 “I don’t know why I ever thought to trust you,” you teased, letting him pull you back towards the house so you could get your bags.

 It didn’t take long for you to be donning your bikini and for your friends to be pouring you drinks. You had a feeling you were going to be drunk until the next morning, knowing the crowd you were with.

 “Tyson if you don’t put sunscreen on you will burn, I don’t care that you have a ‘base tan,’ you’re going to look like a lobster if you don’t,” you scolded, trying not to laugh as Tyson flopped face first onto the bed in yours and Mat’s room.

 “But it makes my skin so sticky,” his words were muffled by the comforter and you rolled your eyes, taking the opportunity to squirt sunscreen onto his back. Tyson shrank into the mattress, whining about how cold it was.

 Mat emerged from the bathroom, now in his swim shorts, eyeing you as you crawled over the bed to kneel beside Tyson.

 “I feel like I am walking into something I shouldn’t be.”

 “You are,” Tyson said, causing you to roll your eyes, “We’d like a little privacy please.”

 “Tyson shut up,” you continued rubbing sunscreen on his back while Mat pulled his suit from his bag and hung it in the closet.

 As soon as you were done with Tyson he was jumping up from the bed and all but sprinting out of the room.

 “Don’t get in the water for thirty minutes!” You shouted after him, Mat chuckling beside you.

 “He didn’t hear any of that,” Mat laughed.

 “Useless,” you scoffed, grinning up at Mat. You pretended like you didn’t notice that he was now shirtless, golden tan and firm chest staring right back at you.

 “You’ve been working out,” Mat smirked as you stood up from the bed, eyeing you as you bent down to pick up your discarded clothes off of the floor.

 “I have to keep up with you somehow,” you winked at him, reaching for the door when he caught your elbow.

 “Ah ah ah,” he clicked his tongue at you, “You do me and I’ll do you.”

 A brief moment of confusion washed over you but then you realized he was holding the sunscreen bottle in his hand. Unfortunately that moment didn’t go unnoticed by Mat, who was grinning like a cheshire cat,

 “What?”

 “Get on the bed,” you narrowed your eyes at him, not wanting to let him win this one. Now it was Mat’s turn to swallow thickly, cockiness wavering slightly as he let you push him onto the mattress.

 By the time you were fully lathered in sunscreen you were sweating, and it wasn’t from the sun beating down on the lake. There was no ignoring the feeling of Mat’s muscles underneath your fingers and the suggestive comments he kept throwing in your direction. You should be used to it by now but some days he could wind you up tighter than others. The part that made it worse was that you now had to watch him parade around all day in his swim shorts and then crawl into bed with him in the evening. Well, that and the fact that he could say all of these things in passing and then any comment you threw his way only made him stutter for a second and then he was over it. You wished you could deflect the same way, but you couldn’t help it. You were the one daydreaming about finding the love of your life and with Mat possessing so many characteristics that you were looking for, it didn’t take much for him to invade your thoughts.

 You picked your drink up off of the nightstand and headed down the hall to join everyone else outside. Mat was slow to follow you, saying he’d catch up with you in a minute.

 “Took you long enough,” Tyson teased, grinning when he saw you walk out onto the porch.

 “Stop being an instigator,” you muttered, shoving him playfully before leaning into your friend to give her a congratulatory hug.

 “I have the perfect guy for you to meet, Y/N,” Jasmine beamed at you. Tyson raised his eyebrows beside you but you didn’t notice, you were too busy giving Jasmine the same reaction.

 “Oh really? You’re playing matchmaker for me at your own wedding?”

 “Mhm and you can’t stop me because I’m the bride,” she grinned.

 “You know I have a date, right?” You appreciated the fact that she was thinking of you but it felt inappropriate to be pursuing someone when you had promised Mat that you’d be in this together. At least...that’s what you would tell everyone else.

 “Mat doesn’t count,” Jasmine rolled her eyes, “Unless of course you have something you’d like to share with the group.”

 Tyson stifled a laugh, covering it by taking a drink of his beer. You felt your skin get hot as you rolled your eyes. At that moment, Mat emerged from the house, looking more relaxed and calm than he had when you walked out of the bedroom.

 “Hey, congrats Jas,” Mat grinned, interrupting the conversation. You glared at Tyson, having not missed his quiet chuckle. He held his hands up in defense but couldn’t manage to wipe the smirk away.

 “Thanks Barz, hey let me run something by you,” she grinned and you bit the inside of your cheek, suddenly interested in the drink you were holding.

 “What’s up?”

 “So I’ve got this friend who I think would be perfect for Y/N, you don’t mind if I introduce them at the wedding tomorrow, right?” Jasmine asked, feigning innocence as she looked up at Mat.

 “Why-” Mat began to ask but he stopped himself, shaking his head and forcing a smile, “Yeah, I don’t care. I’m not her gatekeeper.”

 You took a long sip of your drink. Tyson cleared his throat, patting your shoulder and nodding towards the grass,

 “Let’s go play cornhole.”

 Your shoulders sagged in relief, barely glancing in Mat’s direction as Tyson pulled you away.

 Mat watched the two of you walk off before looking down at Jasmine.

 “Who’s the friend?”

 Jasmine smirked,

 “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

 Mat scoffed, knowing exactly what she was insinuating,

 “Yeah. As a matter of fact, I would. You know, considering she’s my best friend and all.”

 “Oh right, best friend, nothing more, never thought of her as anything other than that,” Jasmine teased. She was pushing his buttons and she knew it but she’d known Mat just as long as you had and wasn’t afraid of his stubbornness.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mat ran his fingers through his hair, staring out at you laughing with Tyson.

 “If you really don’t have a problem with me introducing her to my friend I’m going to do it,” Jasmine said, “But if you do, just say the word and I’ll have your back Barzy.”

 ~

 That evening after everyone else had crawled into bed in preparation for the following day, you hung back and made yourself a cup of tea. You tried to be as quiet as possible, turning off the stovetop before the kettle started to whistle. There was no noise from the city to drown you out so you felt as though your movements were amplified, echoing off of the high ceilings. The sun had long since set but the sky was clear and all of the stars were out so you wandered out onto the back porch.

 It was slightly chilly so you were glad you had packed sweatpants, but apparently Mat had also pulled your hoodie from your suitcase so you stole one of his before making yourself comfortable on the deck.

 It didn’t take long for company to join you in the form of a very tired Mat. He was holding a mug in his hands, pressing it against his bare chest to feel some sort of warmth since you had nabbed his hoodie.

 “Thief,” he muttered, voice deep and gravelly, clearly indicating that he was in need of sleep. It had been a long day of drinking and time in the sun, making everyone tired. Mat’s voice was particularly rough because he’d been out on the boat with the guys for the better half of the day, attempting to wakeboard, shouting over the roar of the engine.  

 “I had packed one but somehow it’s not in my suitcase,” you looked at him knowingly, sitting up and wrapping your arm around his shoulders while he laid down on the bench, head resting against you.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mat hid his smirk behind his mug.

 “What are you still doing up? I thought you’d be dead asleep by now,” you noted. Mat grumbled,

 “Yeah well the bed is lonely without you.”

 “Not even one night in and you’re already clingy,” you teased, Mat reaching out to mess your hair in response.

 The two of you fell quiet, admiring the stars and secretly hoping you’d see a shooting star. Mat had Jasmine’s words running through his mind, wondering if he should say anything to you. He tilted his chin so he could look up at you. The moonlight was making your skin glow and while you had your glasses on he could tell that your eyes were glittering in the night.

 “Are you excited to meet your potential suitor tomorrow?” Mat teased, deciding to rip off the bandaid. You snorted, looking down at him,

 “Not really.”

 Mat’s ears perked up.

 “Why not? I thought you were on the hunt for the love of your life?”

 His tone was teasing but he was dying to know the answer, now fully invested.

 “I don’t think the love of my life is Jasmine’s college friend who works as an accountant. No offense to people who work in finance but I’ve never met an accountant with a personality,” you sighed.

 Mat laughed loudly, earning a shush from you before he woke the entire house.

 “But I don't know. I mean, maybe I’ll let her introduce us. There’s no harm...right?”

 Mat shrugged, not having much to say to that.

 “I just don’t want to waste my twenties with the wrong person. And I don’t know I guess I always envisioned I’d meet someone in a more romantic or interesting way,” your hands found Mat’s hair and you began threading them through his locks.

 “I think a wedding is a pretty romantic place to meet someone,” Mat countered. You hummed in agreement,

 “I just always thought by now I would have met someone and we would be well on our way to falling in love and thinking about starting a life together.”

 “You have time left,” Mat said gently.

 “I know,” you sighed, “But it would be nice to have that security I guess. Maybe I’m going about it all wrong, thinking about it too much.”

 Mat gave you a look that said, ‘duh, you think about it way too much.’

 “Hey,” you frowned, “Just because you don’t think about it at all-”

 “I think about it,” Mat defended, laughing.

 “Mhmm, sure.”

 Mat stared up at you as you continued to look out over the water. Before he realized what he was doing he was speaking out loud, prompting your attention.

 “How about this?” He sat up so he could look at you properly.

 “Mat, what are you plotting?” You laughed, halting your movements and raising your eyebrows at him.

 “What do you say we make a deal?” Mat asked, cocking his head to the side.

 “About what?”

 “If neither one of us is married by the time we’re thirty we’ll get hitched,” Mat shrugged. You threw your head back laughing, not thinking he was serious. You dodged the hand that swung out to hit your shoulder, catching his wrist.

 “Hey!”

 “Don’t laugh,” he whined, though his own laughter was spilling through his words.

 “You’re not serious,” you giggled, trying to suppress your laughter, “Besides thirty is still young.”

 “Well yeah but if you’re thinking kids and stuff you don’t want to wait too long,” Mat said.

 “Oh so we’d have kids in this deal?” You teased.

 “I want kids,” Mat was leaning forward now, elbows on his knees, “And I know you want kids.”

 “Mat you can’t be serious about this,” you laughed airly. Mat cracked a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes,

 “It’s just a back up plan. I’m not saying you’re not going to find the one somewhere down the road, but if we find ourselves in the same situation in the next ten years then why not?”

 “You’re my security?” You smiled softly, feeling your heart swell just a little bit.

 “Yeah,” Mat grinned, “I’ll be your security. Besides, I wouldn’t mind putting a baby in you. I think you’re going to be an awesome mom.”

 “You’ve thought about this,” you teased, watching Mat blush. He had thought about this. More times than he would care to admit. He had seen you through every phase in your life and he had never thought to imagine going through marriage or starting a family without you. But, he knew that there was a guy out there waiting for you that could give you things he couldn’t. Like stability and time. Not to mention far, far less stubborn. So if being your backup plan, or plan b, was the best he was going to get then he’d settle for that. Because it meant he wasn’t totally out of the race.

 “Unless of course you’ve already got yourself a back up?” Mat joked. You rolled your eyes,

 “Yeah, actually Tyson asked me yesterday.”

 Mat laughed,

 “I knew it.”

 “Do we shake on it?” You asked, a smile on your face. Mat couldn’t control his smile as you stuck your hand out to him.

 “Only if you want to.”

 “If I’m going to have a back up plan it should be a pretty damn good one right?” You shrugged. Mat chuckled, nodding.

 “Besides, we’ll still be dating other people, well-you’ll be hooking up with other people and I’ll be dating,” you teased, Mat rolling his eyes, “There’s no harm in it. Right?”

 “Right,” Mat affirmed but he didn’t believe it.

 No harm in you finding someone else to fall in love with that wasn’t him...as if.

 “So how was it?” Jasmine teased you, bumping your hip as you poured yourself a cup of coffee. You glared in her direction, too tired and uncaffeinated to be having this conversation.

“Don’t give me that look,” she smirked, settling onto the barstool across from you.

 “I know it’s your wedding day and all but I reserve the right to not comment on the subject,” you lifted your chin at her, giving a smug smile. She laughed, throwing her head back and making her bun flop to the side.

 “I’m serious Jas!” You whined, rolling your eyes.

 “At least tell me it wasn’t awkward or anything right?” Jasmine asked, sipping her own coffee. You purse your lips, thinking back to the night before when you and Mat had finally crawled into bed.

 After the two of you shook on your agreement, you stayed out on the porch for another hour or so. Until Mat’s mug was cold and he had goosebumps all across his arms. You felt a little guilty for having taken his hoodie but you wouldn’t have had to if he hadn’t been such a pest while you were packing. By the time you were getting into bed you were so exhausted that you didn’t have the energy to worry about the fact that it was the first time you were sharing a bed with Mat sober.

He had asked if it bothered you if he slept in just his boxers, swearing up and down that it was totally okay if you wanted him to keep his sweats on. You told him it was fine, especially considering all you were wearing was a pair of underwear and a large t-shirt. Just because you were sleeping with Mat didn’t mean you were going to change what you wore to bed. He wasn’t that special. You had opened the window, letting the cool fresh air in, in preparation for the unavoidable heat that came with two people sharing a room. The last thing you wanted was to wake up sweating because Mat was a human radiator.

“It’s cold,” Mat frowned, still having not totally warmed up from coming inside.

“You’re such a baby,” you rolled your eyes, making yourself comfortable under the covers.

“I think my balls are in my stomach,” he muttered under his breath. You grabbed the pillow on his side and smacked him with it across the stomach, nearly knocking him back.

“Hey!”

“Just get into bed if you’re cold,” you laughed, “Standing there in your boxers isn’t going to make you any warmer.”

Mat said something you couldn’t make out under his breath as he slid underneath the comforter. You reached over and turned off your lamp, the whole room going dark. Just as you fluffed your pillow and got comfortable on your back, Mat was scooting up beside you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, biting back your laughter.

“You’re warm and I’m cold,” Mat said as if that explained everything, “Now cuddle me before I get hypothermia.”

“You’re not going to get hypothermia in the middle of summ-”

“Y/N.” Mat’s tone was flat and you knew you weren’t winning the argument.

“Fine,” you huffed, “But I’m the little spoon.”

Even in the dark you could tell he was smiling down at you. The bit of lumination from the window was making his eyes sparkle and you cursed him for still being attractive when he was grumpy.

You shifted onto your side and Mat curved his body around yours. Almost too perfectly. His arm wrapped around your waist and pressed his chest against your back.

“Fuck,” he laughed quietly, “Your feet are ice cubes.”

“They’re always like that,” you hummed. Mat nudged your feet away from his own,

“How are you not cold but your feet are like that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You should honestly get that checked out, you probably have low iron,” he continued.

“Mathew if you don’t shut up in the next ten seconds I will make you sleep outside with no blanket, then we’ll see how cold you are,” you snapped. Mat chuckled, nuzzling his face in your neck.

“Goodnight Y/N.”

[allmidaddies]

how to get the girl.

The room stood still when your eyes fell on the tall figure that walked through the door. Your hand was somewhere between letting the wine glass between your fingers drop to the floor or gripping it so tightly that it shattered.

 No. Not here. Not now.

 “Mat it’s not enough anymore!” You cried, angrily wiping away the tears that had slipped down your cheeks.

“How?” Mat asked, his voice equally as distressed as yours.

“Because,” you shook your head, swallowing hard to try and steady your voice, “You can’t keep hurting the person that you love and think that words alone will be enough to fix it. You’ve pushed me away for the last time, Mathew.”

His mouth fell open, shocked at what you were saying to him. In one fell swoop his world was crumbling around him and he had nothing to hold onto. He’d always kept you at arms length, afraid of giving everything up too soon in his life, carefully throwing in ‘I love you’s’ whenever he felt you slipping. He never imagined that one day you’d let go.

“I think you should go to New York,” you said quietly, “And you can do all of those amazing things that you always said you would. And I’ll still be proud of you, but I just won’t be there. You can’t hurt me anymore Mat.”

“I didn’t-”

“Don’t,” you said, your voice more intense than either of you were expecting. Mat recoiled.

“Don’t say you didn’t mean to. You knew exactly what to say just to keep me close enough.”

Mat stared down at his shoes, he knew that you were right.

“You wanted your freedom, Mat? Well now you have it.”

This was supposed to be a happy occasion. Your best friend Sarah and her longtime boyfriend Max were getting married, finally tying the knot. Realistically you should have expected Mat to be there. He’d been an integral part of your friend group all through high school, and even while everyone went off to college, or to start their career, or, in Mat’s case, to become a professional athlete, you all stayed in touch.

 Over the years, though, you had managed to avoid him at nearly every possible interaction. Whether you were on vacation with your family when he came through town or you were off visiting college friends, there was always the perfect excuse to avoid him.

 You should have known it would have caught up to you at some point. You had just hoped it wouldn’t have been here. You were foolish enough to hope that maybe he would already be back in New York, considering the wedding was happening in late August. Maybe training camp would already be well underway, season just a few weeks away. But you knew better. He was one of Max’s closest and longest friends. He wouldn’t have missed this for the world.

 So there he was. Standing in all his glory. His skin was golden from having spent the summer out in the sun and he had that charming smile on his face as he pushed his dark hair off of his forehead. Because it was only the rehearsal he was dressed casually, donning a pair of shorts and a plain t-shirt to beat the late summer heat. Somehow he still looked like a dream. You hated that he somehow looked even more attractive than in high school. Back when you thought he was the love of your life.

 All throughout high school the two of you had been the couple that everyone wanted to be. At least, on the outside. Everyone gushed over how the two of you, so young, had managed to keep a long distance relationship alive.

 “The way you look at each other! I want someone to look at me like that!” Girls would sigh dreamily as they leaned against the lunch tables.

 In the beginning Mat was attentive and showered you in affection. It was easy because the two of you had been friends for a while before you ever started dating. But then his hockey career started to get more serious and he moved away to pursue that dream. And you had been nothing but supportive. You spent countless weekends driving back and forth from Seattle to Coquitlam, just for a few hours with him. And for a long time it was worth it. You thought.

 Until you realized he was keeping a lot of things from you. Not that he was cheating, but that he didn’t share as much of his life with you anymore. Phone calls were shorter and farther apart. You stopped going to as many games, only making the drive when he explicitly asked. Which wasn’t often. It was like he was phasing you out. But every now and then he’d remind you that he loved you. He’d surprise you for your birthday, or send you train tickets to come visit him for your anniversary.

 Then one day you’d had enough. You realized that you had to stop settling for bread crumbs and start looking for the whole damn cake. Mat wasn’t enough for you anymore. It was only a few short weeks after he had been drafted by the Islanders. He was going to be moving across the continent from you and there was no way you were going to give up everything to move there with him. Not when he was becoming so distant.

 So you broke up with him. And it crushed you, both of you. You weren’t sure if you had ever cried so much in your entire life as you did that night, standing on his front porch. It didn’t surprise you that he had expected you to wait for him to figure it out. It did surprise him that you weren’t willing to put up with it anymore. Knowing that he was going to have to move forward with his life without you. All the dreams and goals he had set to achieve with you in mind, he’d have to do on his own.

 Mat’s eyes didn’t miss your figure standing across the room from him. There weren’t many people there to hide you from his view, with it being just the wedding party and all. You looked amazing, like you’d just had the most refreshing summer of your life. Last he had heard you had graduated college and were taking the summer off to have a break. Good for you, he’d thought. He always did tell you you worked too damn hard, burying your nose in your textbook.

 He had intended on being at your graduation but then the season went longer as they got closer to winning the cup. When the season ended he regretted not having at least sent you flowers or a card. Worst ex-boyfriend of the year award. Not that there was such a thing. But if there was he would’ve won it for that, he was sure of it. If you even noticed his absence. Probably not. You’d been avoiding him for so long he’d be surprised if you even remembered what jersey number he wore.

 Mat was pulled from his trance when Max was ushering him to line up so they could partner all the groomsmen and bridesmaids off for the walk down the aisle.

 “Don’t hate us too much for this Barzy,” Max grinned, patting Mat on the back as he gently pushed him towards the line. Mat only had enough time to throw him a confused look over his shoulder before he almost stumbled into the groomsman to his right. He caught himself just in time, straightening up and turning to face the familiar laugh that had arisen from his poor excuse for balance.

 God he wanted to kill Max. Mat just might’ve, if it wasn’t for tomorrow being their big day and all.

 You had your bottom lip between your teeth, an awful nervous habit he had tried to get you to quit.

 “Hey,” he breathed, uncertainty flashing through his eyes as he leaned in for a hug. You obliged, forcing a shy smile, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. There was a wave of comfort and nostalgia that washed over him.

 “Hey Barz,” you greeted, voice quiet in his ears. Chills rushed down his spine at the sound of your voice. He hadn’t heard it in years.

 The only time the two of you had truly crossed paths since you broke up when you were 18 was the summer after your freshman year of college and his rookie season with the Islanders.

 The air was hot and heavy and there were far too many people in the house for you to breathe so you pushed your way out onto the back patio, taking a seat on the steps that led down to the water. All you wanted was a quiet moment to yourself. But a shadowed figure stepped into your sight, nearly making you scream.

“Holy fuck!” You gasped, trying to dry off your legs from where you’d spilled your drink out of fright.

“Sorry, sorry,” the figure spoke, the all too familiar voice reaching your ears. Mat.

“It’s fine, Mat,” you sighed, reaching for the railing to pull yourself up.

“Wait,” he stopped you, now standing on the step below you, crouching down to your level.

“What?” You asked, your voice harsher than you intended. You just hadn’t realized he was back in town yet.

“How have you been?” He laughed gently. The porch light was only illuminating half of his face now, but even in the poor lighting you could tell just how much his face had matured in the year since you saw him last.

“Fine,” you answered shortly, staring down at the remaining liquid in your cup.

“C’mon, Y/N,” Mat chuckled, “You just had your freshman year of college. You’ve got to have something more than that. I don’t believe your life has been that boring.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his comment. He knew you too well. You leaned back against the step above you, finally lifting your gaze to meet his for the first time.

“It was fun, really fun, but probably not quite as exciting as your year has been. My college friends didn’t believe me when I told them I dated the kid who won the Calder,” you teased, bumping his shoulder with your knee.

Mat laughed, one of his real genuine laughs.

“Congratulations, by the way,” you said quietly, “Sorry I never called. I didn’t figure you would want to hear from me.”

Your confession hung in the air as Mat’s face scrunched into one of confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I want to hear from you?” He asked.

You shrugged, not really sure what to say. Did he forget the last time the two of you talked?

“Because we broke up?” Mat raised his eyebrows at you, laughing to himself before reaching out to squeeze your thigh, “Doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing your voice.”

You smiled, resting your chin in your hand, looking down at him.

“I like hearing your voice too Mat, how come you never call me?”

Mat chuckled, scratching that back of his neck awkwardly,

“C’mon now, don’t turn this on me.”

“I’m just asking,” you tease lightly. Mat’s eyes scanned your face, taking in just how much you had grown up in the last year. You looked the same just...older. Your hair was shorter and even though the dark made it hard to see he could tell that you’d dyed it. It looked nice. You looked nice. You looked like home.

“Do you want to get out of here?” He asked suddenly, his voice slightly shaky.

“Have you been drinking?” You asked. Mat shook his head, pulling his keys from his pocket and dangling them in front of you.

“Okay,” you nodded, letting him take your hand. The two of you snuck around the side of the house, not wanting your friends to stop you and lecture you. You both knew where this was going.

Mat opened the passenger side door, allowing you to climb up into the cab of the pickup. Sliding into the leather seats of his dad’s truck brought a wave of memories flooding back to you. When Mat climbed into the driver’s seat you were already plugging your phone into the aux.

“Didn’t even give me a chance,” Mat teased, pulling out of the driveway.

“When have I ever,” you smirked, turning on your country playlist as he sped down the highway. You didn’t even have to ask, you knew where he was taking you. There was a viewpoint only a few minutes down the road from the house you had just been at. One that you and Mat had frequented when you were together. The tension was rising as he got closer to the turn that took you up a dirt road. You subconsciously leaned against the center console. Mat shifted hands on the steering wheel, letting his right hand fall on your thigh. You didn’t flinch and that told him everything he needed to know.

As soon as he had the car in park the two of you were scrambling for the back seat. Mat pulled you into his lap as your lips connected, moving together as his hands gripped your waist, guiding you to grind down against his core. Before either of you could truly process what you were doing, you were naked on top of him, sinking down on his hard length. A quiet whine fell past your lips and you leaned down to bury your face in his neck, gently sucking on the skin of his collarbone. Mat groaned beneath you, thrusting his hips up to meet your painfully slow movements. It had been a long time since either one of you had been with anybody, and certainly a long time since you’d been together. But you remembered his body better than you were proud to admit.

It took no time for him to bring you to your high, his own right behind you. The windows were fogged up from both of your panting breath, struggling to hold on. Almost immediately after he spilled into you, you felt regret creep into your chest. You both stayed there for a moment, trying to catch your breath. Though, your heart never settled. Even after he had passed you your shorts and he had helped you pull your shirt over your head. Both of you were wordless as he climbed into the passenger seat, starting the truck again. It was like you were thinking the same thing.

What the fuck were we thinking?

Neither one of you reached out after that night. You left on vacation with your family and then moved back to college after you got back, gone before Mat was even fully moved back to Vancouver for the off season.

You tried your best to look at him as little as possible throughout the rehearsal but you caught yourself staring over at him as everyone stood up at the altar. He was stifling laughter with one of your high school friends, the two of them glancing at Max and then back at each other, mumbling words you couldn’t make out.

 You allowed your mind to drift, wondering what life might have been like had you and Mat stayed together. For starters you wouldn’t be showing up date-less to this wedding. God, what if Mat had a date? He wouldn’t...would he? If you were still 18 maybe, but somewhere along the way you had to assume he’d matured. Not that it would be immature to bring a date to a wedding, but just that...well...he knew you were going to be there. You were Sarah’s best friend after all. The only reason you weren’t the maid of honor was because she had four sisters. Kind of hard to compete with that.

 You had heard through the grapevine that Mat had dated off and on while out in New York, nothing serious. Certainly nothing that had resulted in bringing home a girl to meet the family and friends, the true testament to whether the relationship would last or not.

 “Did Barz bring a date?” You heard one of Sarah’s sisters ask another. As much as you wanted to resist eavesdropping, you couldn’t help that your ears perked at the question.

 “No, he’s been single and wheeling for a while now,” she replied, only for another to pipe up.

 “Not even wheeling,” she shook her head, “He said he’s been laying low, I heard it from the devil himself.”

 “You did not,” the first sister rolled her eyes, you almost laughed but you pretended to busy yourself with admiring the architecture of the venue.

 “I swear! Ask him yourself. I have it on good authority he’s holding out for someone,” she smirked. If you hadn’t been staring so intently at the window panes, you might have noticed her nod towards you, all four sisters turning their attention to you.

 Mat could hear their whispering from across the altar, his cheeks threatening to burn red. He could tell you were pretending to ignore their comments. Nobody was that interested in the framing of the windows. He was just grateful you weren’t paying attention when four sets of eyes fell on you.

 ~

 You managed to avoid Mat for the rest of the night. It wasn’t hard when Sarah and the other bridesmaids pulled you along with them for a movie night and face masks in order to unwind before the big day.

 But you knew that come morning you would have to face the music. Luckily you had plenty to keep you busy as you got yourself ready before heading up to Sarah’s room to help her get ready as well. You had to admit, she did a good job choosing bridesmaid dresses. It looked gorgeous against everyone’s skin tone and was perfect for a summer wedding. And while you certainly planned on wearing heels for the ceremony and reception, you were wearing a pair of flip flops up until the last possible minute. Blisters and sore feet did not make for great dancing partners.

 You had found yourself so consumed by last minute touches and helping Sarah that you barely even noticed that it was nearly 2pm. Time to start.

 “Shit,” you cursed to yourself, running barefoot through the hallways of the lodge to get back to your room, holding your sandals in your hand.

 “Holy shit!” Mat’s voice was just as startled as your own scream as you nearly ran him down when you turned the corner.

 “Oh my god, I am so sorry,” you apologized, barely processing that it was him. Until you managed to lift your gaze from the broad shoulders and un-fog your mind from the burning touch of his hands.

 He was dressed in black, three piece suit, white button down. His hair looked so soft and perfectly styled you physically had to keep yourself from touching it.

 “Are you okay?” Mat asked, his hands still on your waist. He was very much aware that you had not moved away from him yet. Maybe that was a good sign.

 “Yeah,” you breathed, “Just-I didn’t realize what time it was and I have to change my shoes.”

 His eyes fell on the sandals in your hand and a laugh fell from his lips,

 “Yeah, I don’t know that those are up to the dress code.”

 You laughed softly, shaking your head,

 “Probably not.”

 You stepped around him to head down the hall and he fell into step with you,

 “I’ll wait for you. Can’t leave my partner without someone to walk down the aisle with.”

 For some reason his words left a sick feeling in your stomach. The same feeling you had had only once before, when you broke up with him.

 Mat had always been the person you thought you’d walk down the aisle with. Except, you’d be the one in a white dress and he’d be in a tux and his hand would be in yours, thumb brushing over the wedding ring he’d just slipped onto your finger.

 He watched from the doorway as you slipped into your heels, stepping into the bathroom to get one last look and adjust your hair.

 “You look beautiful, Y/N,” he said quietly. You caught his eye in the mirror, breath hitching in your throat as you watched him look at you.

 “Thank you. You do too.”

 “I look beautiful?” Mat teased, earning an eye roll from you.

 “Yes, Barz, you look beautiful.”

 “I don’t hear that everyday,” he chuckled, sliding his arm around your waist as the two of you headed down the hall again.

 “Somehow I don’t believe that,” you said, your tone light and teasing, though deep down you wondered if that could possibly be true.

 “Wouldn’t matter, if not from you,” Mat smirked, glancing over at you as he pressed the button for the elevator.

 You chewed the inside of your cheek the rest of the walk over to the ceremony and up until it was your turn to walk down the aisle, Mat’s arm in yours. There were tears threatening to spill and while you would tell everyone it was because you were watching your two best friends get married, you knew that it was only because you were realizing that this was still what you wanted with Mat. But you had been impatient and let him go all those years ago. And then you’d been so full of pride that you couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as him.

 “Come on Y/N, everyone is going,” Sarah whined as she stretched out over the couch in your living room.

“Exactly, everyone is going. Which means the one person I can’t see is going to be there,” you argued.

“I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. So you guys broke up, it was three years ago. It’s not like the wound is still fresh,” Sarah sighed.

“You’d think huh,” you huffed, momentarily forgetting that nobody knew you were still in love with Mat.

“What?” Sarah sat up, staring at you like a deer in the headlights.

“What?” You countered, hoping she wouldn’t press.

“Are you….” Sarah trailed off, eyes searching your face for answers.

“Am I what?” You laughed nervously, reaching for your water to avoid eye contact.

“Oh my god you still have feelings for Mat!” Sarah cried, a wide grin on her face as if she’d discovered something wonderful, not something gut wrenching.

“So what!” You deflected, tugging at your hair.

“No no no, this is good. This is so good!” Sarah said, scooting closer to you and wrapping her arm around your shoulder.

“How?” You scoffed.

“Because Mat is totally still in love with you too. He asks about you all the time. Especially in the summer.”

“Being in love and having feelings are two different things,” you shook your head, “Besides that’s probably not true anyway. If he was still in love with me he would have called by now.”

“Except that he’s still convinced he’s not man enough for you,” Sarah shrugged, letting her arm drop.

You rested your chin in your hand, feeling the guilt in your chest. You’d really done a number on this poor kid. What did you expect of an 18 year old who just got drafted into the NHL? Of course he was gonna be a little all over the place. Maybe it had been a mistake.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. He lives thousands of miles away and I’m going to school and we never see each other so what’s the point?” You sighed.

You decided against going to the get together that night. You somehow convinced Sarah to tell your friends that you were babysitting for your neighbor. She didn’t want to lie for you but you were desperate. You just couldn’t see Mat. It didn’t stop him from texting you though.

Mat: you don’t have to keep avoiding things just because I'm going to be there you know.

Mat: I thought we were at least still friends.

You never replied.

The ceremony was beautiful, you were crying almost the entire time. Partly from the love between Sarah and Max and partly because of your own selfish emotions. Mat had offered you his handkerchief before the two of you parted ways at the altar. When he stepped up to you to walk you back down the aisle he gently rubbed his thumb over the skin of your arm. Something he used to do when you were back in high school and he could feel you growing anxious or sad or tired. Sarah’s words from that night nearly over a year ago crept into your mind.

 “He’s totally still in love with you.”

What if he was? What if you were both pining after each other despite the years of little to no communication? What if the reason you couldn’t find anybody to settle down with was because you had already found that in Mat?

 Mat leaned his elbows back against the bar as he watched you dance with the ring bearer, pretending to let him lead and trying your best not to flinch whenever he stepped on your toes. God, he was so in love with you. Still. He’d always imagined that one day the two of you would have kids of your own. Honestly he had imagined it would happen quite early on. Maybe if he had gotten his shit together earlier.

 It was probably foolish to think that you had any form of feelings left for him. But, for someone who could barely look him in the eyes when he said hi you sure had no problem keeping eye contact with him during the exchanging of the vows. He wasn’t even hearing Sarah’s voice, it was all echoing in his head with your tone.

 Mat’s eyes never left you as you stopped back at your table, finishing off your wine before making a break for the back door. Against his better judgement he took off after you, brushing off Max’s brother as he tried to get him to do a shot with him. He had more important things to take care of.

 ~

 You finished off your glass of wine, setting down on the nearest table before slipping out of the reception. The air outside the barn was significantly colder than the air inside, thankfully so as you had desperately needed a breath of fresh air.

 You hadn’t expected it to affect you so much. Certainly not four years later. But, Mat was the person you had always seen yourself marrying. Every other guy you had ever been with after him was just a placeholder. As foolish as it was, you had been waiting for him to grow up. And he had, after all these years. But that didn’t mean that he wanted you now.

 You hiked up your dress, stepping carefully across the path that led down to the water. The sun was still above the horizon, though the sky was turning orange as it sank lower.

 You kicked your heels off and climbed up onto the large, flat rock half submerged in the water. The material of your dress pooled around you as you stared out over the view, trying to calm yourself down. You just had to get through tonight. And then you could go back home and never see Mat again. You’d been avoiding him for years and successfully so. What was a few more months of summer and then he’d leave again and this time you’d find someone new before he came back again. You’d move on. Simple enough right?

 “You look like a Disney princess, sitting out here,” Mat’s voice interrupted you. You bit your lip to keep from smiling at his comment, though the heat in your cheeks might have given you away.

 “Says the Disney prince standing in golden hour,” you teased. You hated how easy it was to fall into flirtatious banter with him.

 Mat chuckled, climbing up onto the rock beside you, groaning when he sat down.

 “What are you doing out here? There’s a lot of free alcohol back in the barn, I don’t know if you heard.”

 “I just needed a second,” you said honestly, looking back out over the water.

 “You and me both,” Mat sighed, resting his forearms on his knees.

 “You?” You looked at him skeptically, “This sort of thing is...well it’s your thing.”

 Mat grinned, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes as he averted his gaze.

 “Just didn’t think it would hit me this hard.”

 Your ears perked up at his confession. Mat noticed your shift, looking back at you as he spoke again,

 “I mean, you’d think I’d be over it after four years. But I guess not.”

 He laughed quietly. You nodded,

 “Me too.”

 Mat looked at you hesitantly. This was the first time you hadn’t run from the sight of him in a long time. He took it as a good sign, as an opportunity to finally say what he’d been dying to say.

 “I swore up and down I was going to marry you one day,” Mat said softly, “I still think that sometimes, as foolish as it sounds. I know I should move on, and believe me I’ve tried. And it’s not like you’ve given me anything to hold onto, you know, I mean you’ve avoided me very tactfully over the past few years.”

 You could help but giggle, shaking your head to yourself. Mat’s lips curved up in a half smile as he continued,

 “But I kept thinking that eventually you’d see that I was enough for you now. It was selfish of me to expect you to wait for me to get my shit together, but I wish you would’ve.”

 “Who says I didn’t?”

 Your voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear you over the sound of the water splashing against the rock.

 “What?”

 “I thought we’d end up married too, you know,” you said, “I just never thought you had your mind in that place. Certainly not when we were teenagers.”

 “I didn’t then, I can’t lie,” Mat said honestly, “But I did love you. I do love you. So if a second chance is something you ever think about...”

 “You love me?” You asked, finally looking into his eyes, “Present tense?”

 “Present tense.”

 You felt a fresh wave of tears fill your eyes,

 “Barz, don’t you dare make me cry right now.”

 “Tell me I’m stupid for still feeling this way,” he said, reaching out to catch the stray tear that was rolling down your cheek.

 “You are stupid,” you said, sniffling as you leaned into his touch, “But that makes two of us.”

 “You mean…”

 You nodded, smiling up at him,

 “I never fell out of love with you, even though I tried for a long time. But I guess there is no point in fighting it anymore.”

 “And here I thought I’d scared you off all these years,” Mat smiled gently.

 “I scared myself.”

 “Max and Sarah are going to be so mad we chose their wedding night to reconcile,” Mat laughed.

 “We’ll tell them in a few days,” you laughed.

 “So where do we go from here?” Mat asked. You shifted so you were facing him straight on now, taking his hands in yours.

 “We have all summer to figure that out,” you reminded him, smiling up at him. The sun was coloring his eyes like honey.

 “I just hope you know I don’t plan on leaving this town without you again,” Mat said.

 “Better not Barzal,” you smirked.

 He chuckled softly before leaning forward, pausing briefly as if to ask for permission. You resisted the eye roll, sliding your hands behind his neck and pulling him in to press his lips against yours.

 Took him long enough.

[allmidaddies]

you are in love.

With your arms draped over your face you let out a soft whimper.

“Mat,” you whined, cursing under your breath and yanking your foot from his grasp.

 “Hey if you sit still this will be a lot easier,” Mat laughed, reaching for your foot again and resting it on his knee. You dropped your arms to your sides so you could prop yourself up and take a look at what he was doing. Mat had tweezers in one hand and had placed a needle between his lips as he leaned closer to your foot again.

 “It hurts Mathew,” you frowned, flinching as he pinched at your skin with the tweezers.

 “Well I told you to wear shoes out on the dock but whatever,” he huffed, mumbling under his breath as he pulled the needle from his mouth so he could attempt to dig it under your skin and remove the splinter you had gotten while climbing out of the boat just a few moments prior.

 It was finally nice weather in Coquitlam and the two of you were taking advantage of it. You’d come up to Mat’s summer cabin for the weekend with some other friends. Out in the yard you could still hear everyone else chatting and laughing as several of them fired up the grill. You wished you could be out there rather than laying on Mat’s bed in your still wet bikini while he stabbed your poor foot with a pin.

 It wasn’t so much the pain of having him digging out a splinter as it was the undeniable heat of his hands running across your shins and the concept of him being anywhere remotely close to between your thighs. If you simply wrapped your legs around his waist and tugged gently, maybe pouted a little bit, you could have him right on top of you. But you wouldn’t do that. Not even as much as you thought about it.

 See, you had known Mat for years. Since high school at least. Which meant that you had experienced some of the best and worst times of your life with him. Up until he dipped and went to Seattle. Well, okay, it didn’t go quite like that. You knew he went for the sake of his hockey career and you had been more than excited for him, even if there had been a sick feeling in your stomach for the first few months that he was gone. It had never gotten easier saying goodbye to Mat, whether he was heading to Seattle or heading to New York. But you got used to it. Eventually. Only after crying a lot of tears in the privacy of your bedroom.

 Over the years that you had known Mat you had struggled with your suppressed feelings. You had always known that he was attractive and funny, pretty much your version of the perfect guy. He listened to you and remembered everything you told him, no matter how irrelevant they may seem. But with everything that went on in his life, his crazy, fast paced life, you didn’t want to be another added stress for him. He’d confided in you about things you knew that he didn’t dare tell anyone. The two of you were thick as thieves, as they say. And so the last thing you wanted was for him to think that you were taking advantage of your position in his life. Too many times he had been burned by girls who were after his reputation and his name. Or even worse, his money.

 If being his closest confidant was your role in his life then you could do that. Because you’d rather have that than nothing at all.

 And it’s not like he was into you like that anyway.

 “Got it,” Mat cheered, holding out the tweezers for you to see. Well, as well as you could see.

 “That’s it?” You cried, leaning forward and squinting your eyes to examine the microscopic piece of wood that had been underneath your skin.

 “That’s it,” Mat chuckled, standing up and moving into the bathroom to rinse off the tweezers and put them back. You rested back on your elbows once again, watching him move around the bathroom. He was only in his swim shorts and his skin was golden tan from being out in the sun all day, and all summer. The bathroom light caught on the silver chain that was hanging around his neck and you swallowed a groan. Not today. Not now.

 “C’mon babe,” Mat grinned, holding his hand out for you, “We have a party to get back to.”

 You rolled your eyes at the pet name, the same one he had been calling you for years. The same one that made your heart leap to your throat every time it rolled off of his tongue. Nevertheless, you grabbed his hand and let him pull you up from the bed, hands catching your waist to steady you when your feet hit the ground.

 “You should invest in some sunscreen Barzy,” you teased, running your fingers over his pink shoulders, flashing a smirk before bounding out of the room and back out to the patio. You missed the way Mat shivered under your touch and the way he stared after you as you walked away.  

 You rejoined your friends out on the patio, Mat padding across the kitchen behind you. As soon as you stepped outside someone was thrusting a drink into your hand and a voice was calling Mat out onto the dock. You watched helplessly as he jogged off, the sun reflecting off of his skin like a halo. Shielding your eyes from the sun you watched him for a moment longer before Tyson appeared at your shoulder.

 “Fuck!” You cursed, jumping when you caught sight of him in your peripheral. He only laughed, following where your gaze had been a second before. You knew what was coming. It was written all over his stupid face as he ran his fingers through his curls.

 Tyson Jost had been introduced to you a few summers back when he decided to move to Vancouver for the summer in order to train. You had clicked with him right away, it was hard not to. He was a sweetheart and a good friend of Mat’s, which meant he was a friend of yours. However, ever since he had wandered into your life he had spent nearly every second trying to get you to confess your harbored feelings for Mat. Regardless of how many times you denied it. He was persistent, that you’d give him. But also annoying.

 “Just get it over with Josty,” you muttered under your breath, taking a sip of your drink and moving towards the grass so you could head out to the dock once again. Tyson laughed again, shaking his head,

 “You two are just ridiculous, you know that right?”

 “Tyson I don’t understand why you keep saying the same thing over and over again. Nothing has changed and nothing will ever change, just let it go,” you huffed, shooting him a glare.

 “Things would change if you would both stop being so stubborn,” Tyson spoke under his breath, so quiet you almost didn’t hear him over the sound of someone jumping into the water.

 “What?”

 He’d never said that before. All of the times he had teased you he had never mentioned Mat having any sort of reciprocated feelings towards you.

 Tyson did his best to not roll his eyes as he looked down at you,

 “I know you say that you’re not into him like that, but I think you would say differently if you knew how he felt about you.”

 “What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, grabbing Tyson’s arm before he could jog ahead of you.

 “It means exactly what it sounds like Y/N,” Tyson chuckled, “You think too much.”

 You glared at him, wanting something smart to say in response but nothing came to mind so you let him go, trailing behind him and watching as he caught up to the others on the dock. Just as you were about to step out onto the plank, Mat’s voice interrupted you.

 “No! No no no!” His infamous cackle rang loudly as he ran towards you, “I just got that stupid thing out of your foot, I’m not letting you get another one.”

 Before you could reply he was swooping you up in his arms, tossing you over his shoulder and carrying you towards the house.

 “Mathew Barzal put me down!” You whined, completely helpless as Mat tightened his grip around your legs to keep you from squirming. You lifted your head enough to see Tyson smirking at you with a knowing look on his face. You flipped him off before turning your attention back to the sound of Mat laughing as he lectured you about the importance of safety on the dock.

 “Mat, you’re not even wearing shoes,” you argued as he finally set you down on the kitchen counter, rummaging through the basket by the door where everyone had dropped their shoes.

 “Yes but I have tough feet,” he shrugged. You crossed your arms, pouting at him when he turned around and held out a pair of sandals to you.

 “Do you want me to have to pin you down to the mattress again?” Mat asked. Yes. You thought to yourself. Instead, you rolled your eyes and took the shoes from him.

 “Thanks dad,” you scoffed. Mat cringed,

 “Don’t call me that.”

 “Why not?” You asked, as if you hadn’t called him that before. Obviously you were only teasing.

 “I don’t know, it’s weird,” Mat muttered, carding his fingers through his hair. You smirked,

“Would you like it better if I called you daddy?”

 Yes.

Mat rolled his eyes,

 “Ha ha.”

 He didn’t say no.

 Tyson cornered him when he emerged from the house. Mat recognized the look on his face all too well.

 “Don’t even say anything,” Mat groaned, moving to dig through the cooler. He watched as you headed out to the dock with some of the girls, ready to join the rest of the crew now that your feet were protected to his standard.

 “Actually I gotta tell you something,” Tyson sounded all too guilty and it made Mat straighten back up so quickly he went a little dizzy.

 “What did you do?”

 “I didn’t say anything specifically,” Tyson trailed off, “But if I were you I would just admit your feelings for Y/N.”

 “What are you talking about?” Mat deflected, nervously glancing around to see if anyone was within earshot.

 “Barz, come on,” Tyson groaned, “I’m telling you, now is the perfect time to just admit that you’re like half way in love with your best friend.”

 “I’d say a little more than half way to be fair,” Mat muttered.

 “Even more the reason,” Tyson rolled his eyes.

 “Yeah so she can friend zone me like she has for the last five years. That sounds like a great idea Josty. And then when I’m done doing that I can call up the guy she’s been talking to for the last month and tell him that they’d be perfect together because that’s the only thing that would make me feel worse,” Mat scoffed.

 “She’s not-” Tyson started to say but then he stopped and shook his head to himself.

 “What?”

 “You’re just as stubborn as she is, that’s all.”

 Mat stared after Tyson as he left him alone by the house. Why couldn’t things be simple?

 You see, Mat had caught feelings for you very early on in your friendship. Unfortunately he was splitting his time between Seattle and Vancouver shortly thereafter and you were but children in high school. And things became even more complicated when he was drafted by the Islanders and he had to move across the continent from you. There was simply no logical way for him to confess these feelings for you and then expect you to a.) reciprocate them and b.) move thousands of miles from home.

 And you never shied away from sharing details of your love life with him so the two of you found a comfortable ground of friendship, despite how the lingering touches, burning stares, and nights spent in a shared bed turned his brain into a melting pot of emotions.

 Mat popped open his beer and took a long swig, watching as you climbed onto Tyson’s shoulders, ready to play a game of chicken in the shallow water. He knew that Tyson was winding him up, trying to make him jealous by getting close to “his girl.” That’s what he always said. Mat tried to brush it off every time but he couldn’t help but wish that he could actually call you that one day.

 Your laugh rang loudly and he watched as your head fell back, a wide smile on your face as you shrieked, you and Tyson both falling into the water far less than gracefully.

 Mat chuckled to himself, watching you splash water at Tyson for letting you drop. He decided at that moment that he wasn’t going to waste any more time. Whether he told you tonight or within the next week he was going to do it, before the summer was over. He couldn’t go back to New York without telling you how he felt. Maybe he’d had enough of waiting for the right moment, or maybe he just decided that if nothing else, you deserved to know the truth.

 ~

 As the sun began to sink lower you found yourself growing cold. Your bikini had long since dried but you hadn’t bothered to throw on any other clothes as everyone was still soaking up as much vitamin D as possible before the sun fully disappeared behind the horizon.

 Mat noticed you shiver beside him as everyone stood around the fire that some of the guys were attempting to build per the instructions of the girls.

 “You cold?” He asked, nudging you with his elbow.

 “A little,” you shrugged, feeling the familiar swell of your heart at the idea of him paying attention to your needs. He nodded back towards the house and you followed suit, up the stairs and back into his bedroom. You stood in front of the window, watching the sunset on the lake. His room had french doors that led out onto a balcony, overlooking the yard and the lake ahead. The perfect spot for viewing the sunset. Had there not been a handful of your friends sitting out on the lawn you would have pulled him out there with you to watch the sunset. Instead you stayed put, shielded behind the glass.

 Mat pressed a soft hoodie into your hands and you smiled at him gratefully. He knew you had your own sweatshirts to wear but you liked stealing his because of the way they fit you. He had pulled on a hoodie as well and you almost pouted because you liked that one better than the one you were handed but you were just thankful he was letting you borrow it without putting up a fight. Not that he really minded you stealing his clothes, he just liked an excuse to make you scream in laughter as his hands poked into your sides.

 Mat really didn’t want to go back to the group. He was enjoying his view of you right where you were at. Your hair was in a bun, slightly damp still from the lake water, baby hairs frizzing out on the sides. You hated it, he knew that, but he always had thought it was so cute the way it created a halo around your head. Especially when the sun was coming through the window like it was at that moment, making your eyes glitter in the golden hour, illuminating your skin.

 The way Mat was stalling you could tell something was running through his mind, so you sat down on the edge of the bed, tucking your knees to your chest,

 “Let’s watch the sunset and then we can go back down.”

 Mat felt his shoulders relax at the proposition,

 “Hang on.”

 He held his finger up to you before disappearing for a moment. You wondered where he had gone off to, listening intently for any sounds coming from the hallway. All you could hear was the chatter outside and the crackling of the fire.

 Mat reappeared with two wine glasses in his hand and a bottle of your favorite wine.

 “When did you get this?” You beamed up at him, wanting nothing more than to throw your arms around his neck and hug him for remembering.

 “What? You thought I’d bring you up to the cabin and not get your favorite alcohol?” Mat teased, dropping onto the bed beside you and popping the cork. You grinned, bumping your shoulder against his and accepting the glass he handed you.

 “You say that like this is a consolation prize,” you laughed, taking a sip.

 “Consider it a thank you for hanging out with me,” he grinned. You shook your head to yourself as he leaned back on his elbows. If he had his phone he would have taken a picture of you right then, sitting on the bed in his hoodie with that smile on your face.

 The two of you hid away up there for longer than you intended. The sun had long since sank below the horizon and the fire had died out. Most everyone had made their way back inside but you and Mat were still deep in conversation. You were just grateful that nobody had interrupted the two of you. While the two of you spent nearly every day together, it was rare that the time was spent alone like this. Usually one of your siblings was around or some of your other friends called to hang out.

 After working a long week and barely having time to relax you were enjoying Mat’s company. There was truly no better sound than his laugh and the fact that you were the one earning it from him made it that much better.

 You had almost made it all the way through the bottle of wine and you were thanking your past self for having drank a lot of water throughout the day to stay hydrated and actually eating proper meals. Otherwise you’d be on the floor right now, if not with your head in the toilet and Mat holding your hair back. Embarrassingly enough this had happened on more than one occasion.

 “I’ll take things that didn’t happen for $500 please,” you laughed, rolling your eyes at some ridiculous story that Mat was telling you.

 “I swear on my life it happened,” Mat laughed, throwing his head back at your expression.

 “You live a wild life out there on the island,” you teased, taking a sip of your wine.

 “Like you don’t have just as wild stories from college?” Mat challenged. You purse your lips, trying to hide your guilty grin as you looked away from him,

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 “Mhm,” Mat gave you a knowing look, finishing off his glass and setting it on the bedside table.

 “I’m innocent,” you smirked, peering over at him from the rim of your glass.

 “Alright,” Mat laughed, repositioning himself, “I have one.”

 You took a sip of your wine and waited.

 “Fantasies?”

 Heat rose in your entire body, your skin feeling as though it was on fire.

 “Mathew!” You cried, shoving his shoulder.

 “What?” Mat surrendered, cackling at your flustered expression.

 “You’re the worst,” you groaned, bringing your knees up to your chest.

 “Come on we’re supposed to tell each other everything,” Mat sang, grinning up at you. You rolled your eyes, sitting up straight again.

 “Fine.”

 You bit the inside of your cheek for a moment, thinking hard. Exposing yourself to your best friend was one thing, but exposing yourself to your ridiculously attractive best friend who also happened to be the person you were pretty much in love with was another. The last thing you wanted to do was scare him off. Not that you were under any sort of impression that Mat was vanilla, but you didn’t have any clue as to the things he was into in between the sheets. You tried not to think about what he did with other girls to be entirely honest.

 “Well, for starters,” you cleared your throat, avoiding eye contact, “I think I’d like to see what it would be like to be handcuffed or have my hands tied. I don’t know if I have a specific fantasy like a role play fantasy, you know, teacher and the naughty school girl or whatever. I just think that I wish the guys I was with were a little...rougher? Everything is so vanilla all the time and I wouldn’t mind being manhandled from time to time. You know, the type where they’ve got their hand around your throat and they force you to open your mouth so they can spit on your tongue and whatever?”

 Mat had to physically keep himself from gaping at you, not having expected that sort of response.

 “I guess I’d just like to be dominated,” you shrugged, finally looking over at Mat again. He wasn’t looking at you anymore and the grin he had been wearing had been wiped from his face.

 He was quiet, staring down at his hands. You raised your eyebrows, looking at him expectantly.

 “Well…” you laughed, “You can’t just ask me about my sexual fantasies and not share yours.”

 Mat lifted his head, cheeks pink as he ran his hands over his face, letting out a dramatic groan,

 “I know! I just feel stupid now for mine.”

 “Yeah and I’m gonna feel real awkward about mine if you don’t say anything,” you countered, reaching over and pulling his hands away from his face. Mat let out a heavy sigh, running his fingers through his hair and then finally looking at you. You waited patiently, curiosity getting the best of you.

 “I just-I’ve never-” Mat was moving his hands aimlessly, clearly struggling to find the words, “I’ve never had a bath with a girl.”

 You clasped your hands over your mouth to swallow the laugh that dared to escape.

 “I told you it was stupid,” Mat whined, falling back against the pillows.

 “It’s not stupid Barzy,” you laughed softly, sitting up on your knees and looking down at him, “It’s just not quite as sexual as I was expecting from you.”

 “Are you calling me soft?” He asked, eyebrows raising. You grinned, shaking your head,

 “No. I think it’s cute.”

 “I just haven’t ever really been intimate with a girl like that before. It’s always about having sex as quickly as possible because we were needy for it. Which, don’t get me wrong, is amazing but I always wondered what it would be like to have a moment like that,” Mat shrugged. He was sitting up now, back resting against the headboard. You stared at him intently, mentally debating what your next move would be. You finished off your wine and set it down on the side table, standing up off of the bed. Mat watched you carefully, a confused look in his eyes. You could only smirk as you rounded the bed and wandered into the bathroom.

 Mat furrowed his brows, watching you flick on the light and hearing your footsteps echo through the bathroom. He could hear you turn on the water to the tub and he felt his breath hitch in his throat and the blood in his head drain all the way down to his dick. Still, he didn’t move. There was no way that his best friend was actually suggesting that he take a bath with her...right? Unless she was just being a tease and drawing a bath for herself. Mat almost regretted telling you about his fantasy, if it could even be considered a fantasy, because it was pushing the boundaries and blurring the lines in the relationship that the two of you had so carefully curated over the years. But he’d be lying if he said that whenever he pictured sliding into the warm water with someone, the girl always happened to look a lot like you.

 He finally pushed himself up and walked over to the doorway, leaning against it as he watched you dig through the cabinets to find bath soap to put in the tub. It certainly didn’t help that you had his hoodie on and nothing else, apart from the bikini you had yet to take off.

 “You going to join me or what Barzal?” You teased, catching his eye in the mirror. The alcohol in your veins was lowering your inhibitions, allowing you to finally take a step closer to acting on the feelings you’d been hiding for far too long.

 Mat laughed, reaching to pull his sweatshirt over his head and letting it land on the floor. You mimicked his actions, turning and setting the hoodie on the countertop. When you turned back you nearly choked on a gasp as he dropped his swim trunks, leaving him completely naked in front of you. It wasn’t that you hadn’t seen his dick before, you had been privy to accidentally walking in on him numerous times while he was changing or in the shower or whatever it might be that entailed him to be naked. It was...well...this was different.

 “You don’t have to take that off,” Mat said suddenly, his voice soft. He was gesturing to the bikini you were still wearing. You swallowed, suddenly feeling a wave of insecurity but you forced it back.

 “That wouldn’t be hardly fair, would it?” You asked, biting your bottom lip as you studied Mat’s expression. Anything to keep your attention away from where you really wanted to be looking. Mat chuckled, giving you a shrug.

 “Help me with the back would you?” You asked innocently, turning around and motioning towards the ties of your suit. Mat met your gaze in the mirror and you nodded as if to assure him that it was okay if he, your best friend, undressed you. Then he did something you weren’t expecting.

 He stepped up behind you so closely that you could feel his half hard cock against your ass, your eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment. He then trailed his hands up your thigh, toying with the strings of your bottoms before sliding the rest of the way up.

 “You’re really something, you know that?” Mat spoke lowly in your ear, almost smirking as his lips brushed over the shell of your ear. You hummed in response, too busy reveling in the feeling of his fingertips grazing over your skin to give him much of a retort.

 He leaned back just enough to slip his hands between his chest and your back so he could gently undo the ties of your top, allowing it to fall away. Mat moved to undo the top strings before you could lift it over your head, making the material fall away and exposing your breasts to him in the reflection. Mat tried his best to ignore the way your breasts sat against your chest, nipples hard from the cold air of the bathroom. He focused his attention on the strings of your bikini bottoms. Both of you knew that you needed no help getting those undone but you weren’t going to stop him from taking matters into his own hands. Despite the fact that he was moving painfully slow.

 His fingers were light as feathers against your skin as he untied the knots, letting your bottoms fall to the ground to join your top. Now you were both naked and there was nothing obstructing him from you. However, he didn’t dare step over his boundaries. This was holy ground he was walking on and he wasn’t going to take that for granted. In fact, it was you who finally made the first move.

 “Maty,” you spoke quietly, an old nickname you had coined ages ago. Mat lifted his head to meet your eyes once again. You turned your head, looking back at him for a brief moment before spinning around, taking a leap of faith and cupping his face with your hands. It startled Mat to the point that he almost didn’t react in time. But once he felt your lips on his, his instincts took over.

 It might be hard to believe but in all the years of friendship the two of you had never kissed. You had both denied every time someone dared you, mostly for the simple fact that you wanted to savor it for the moment that this might happen. Foolishly, you had both thought it was to think that you would ever have this opportunity. But as it was turning out, good things did happen to those who waited.

 Mat’s hands ran up the expanse of your back, pulling you closer and closer to him. Both of your bodies were warm, both from the sun that had beat down on you all day as well as the deep seeded desire to have the other’s hands on your body. Mat lifted you onto the counter top, allowing you to feel how hard he had grown for you. You knew that if he touched you, dared to run his fingers up your slit he’d feel just how badly you needed him.

 Mat was taking his time though, hands spreading over your thighs as his head dipped to suck at the skin on your throat. You let out a soft moan, unable to hold back. Your fingers tangled in his hair and your eyes fell shut as you reveled in the sensation. His hands traveled up your body and you felt his thumbs brush over your nipples, making you gasp. Your eyes popped open and your attention fell on the bathtub, where the water was still running. Shit.

 “Mat,” you spoke suddenly, hands gripping the hair at the back of his head.

 “Mmm,” Mat hummed in content, enjoying the feeling of you pulling at his hair.

 “Mat,” you said again, tugging harder.

 “What?” Mat’s eyes opened and he leaned back, searching your face, afraid he’d gone too far.

 ���The water,” you said, pushing his chest and making him turn to see that it was nearly spilling over the sides of the tub. Mat lunged, turning off the faucet just in time, hearing you laughing behind him. Moment ruined?

 You slipped off of the counter, running your hands along his back and gripping his neck so as to pull him back to you. Mat stumbled slightly, hands catching your waist. You smiled softly, bumping your nose against his before bringing him down to kiss you again. Okay, moment not ruined.

 Mat backed you up towards the sink again, pressing his hips against yours with more rigor this time. He needed you.

 “The water will get cold,” you breathed, not even able to convince yourself that you would rather get into the tub.

 “So we’ll take an ice bath,” Mat countered easily.

 He slotted his knee between your legs, spreading them apart enough so that your core was flush against his thigh. You moaned against him, grinding down on him in order to get some friction. He could feel how wet you were from the anticipation alone and it only made him that much more desperate to be inside you.

 Your fingers were grazing down his chest, feeling every ridge and curve of his muscles. His cock was hard against his stomach and you could feel it. And you wanted it. But Mat wasn’t ready to give it to you just yet. He pulled back, brushing his thumb over your swollen lips before sinking to his knees. He positioned your leg over his shoulder, hooking your knee just right. Your fingers gripped the edge of the counter as his breath fanned over your dripping heat.

 “Can I?” He asked, the question all too innocent for the situation. You whined softly, nodding, and pulling your lip between your teeth.

 “I want to hear you, baby,” Mat hummed, dragging his lips along the inside of your thigh, closer and closer to where you needed him most.

 “Please Mat,” you begged, “I need to feel your mouth on me.”

 Mat didn’t need any more convincing. He licked a bold strip up your pussy, collecting all of the wetness on his tongue. The sigh that fell past your lips nearly sent him over, but he gripped your thighs harder and delved his tongue in deeper, teasing your entrance.

 Your head fell back as Mat ate you out like it was his last supper. It had never felt this much like heaven before. The whines that fell past your lips were echoing off of the walls of the bathroom but you didn’t even care if everyone in the house could hear you. All that mattered was that Mat was sucking on your clit to the point your vision was going blurry. Your fingers tangled in his hair, grateful he’d been letting the locks go long during the summer. You just needed him closer, and closer, and closer, and closer. And then he pulled back.

 You gasped and you looked down at him with a fire in your eyes. Mat chuckled devilishly, flashing you a cocky smirk, pressing sloppy kisses along your thighs again.

 “Mat-” you began to scold but it fell short when you felt one of his fingers slide into your pussy. Your mouth fell open and you let out a strangled moan. Mat watched you in awe, adding another finger just as slowly as the first one. He pressed his thumb against your clit, steadily pumping his fingers in and out of you, the sound of how wet you were only growing louder as he picked up his pace and replaced his thumb with his mouth.

 “Fuck!” You cursed, beginning to move your hips so that you could rock onto his fingers, allowing him to hit deeper. Mat tilted his head up to look at you, smirking at the fucked expression on your face.

 “That’s it baby, fuck yourself on my fingers, hmm?”

 He added a third finger, pressing his thumb against your clit again and then sitting back on his heels to watch you get off on his fingers. One of your hands gripped his shoulder, digging your nails into his skin while the other held onto the counter as if for dear life.

 A long string of curse words fell past your lips as Mat brought you to your high, cum dripping down his fingers, to his hand, to his forearm. He brought you through it, slowing his pace until he gently pulled his fingers out, only to gently lick you clean, savoring the taste. Your grip on his hair had relaxed but you did give it another tug in order to pull him back up to you, pressing your lips against his.

 Your hand came down to stroke along his length, gently pushing against his chest so that he would give you space to sink to your knees. Mat stopped you, shaking his head,

 “I just want to be inside you.”

 You took a deep breath, nodding.

 “Mathew,” you spoke softly, dropping your head to avoid his eyes. Mat’s lips brushed over your forehead as he mumbled in response,

 “What?”

 “Um,” you swallowed hard, playing with your fingers, “I guess, just, uh-if we do this, this can’t be it...you know?”

 Mat caught your chin with his thumb and forefinger, lifting your head to look at him,

 “I don’t know about you, but I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. A long time, Y/N. And if we do this I don’t want to come back from it.”

 You sucked in a sharp breath, scanning his face for any form of hesitation.

 “What are you saying Mat?”

 Mat chuckled softly, leaning closer so that his lips ghosted over yours ever so lightly,

 “I’m saying that I want to be with you. I’m saying that I’m in love with you.”

 There was no hiding the grin that you wore as you whispered back to him,

 “I’m in love with you too Mathew Barzal.”

 And then he kissed you again, his grin just as wide as yours. Mat caught your bottom lip between his teeth, your grin fading as your eyes fluttered shut and you groaned quietly. Mat’s fingers ran along your slit once again, then gripped his length as he positioned himself at your entrance.

 “Tell me you want it,” Mat’s voice was like gravel. You knew he wouldn’t last long once he was finally inside of you but you were already so keyed up that you had no doubt in your mind that you would be right there with him.

 “I want it, Mat,” you whimpered, feeling just the head of his cock push in, “I need it, please, please, fuck.”

 Mat slowly pushed all the way in, filling you up and stretching you out. You let out low moans in unison. Your head fell back while Mat buried his face in your neck. You clutched his biceps, nails undoubtedly leaving crescent marks in his skin. His teeth were nipping at your throat, the perfect mixture of pleasure and pain as he thrust into you. Each rut of his hips allowed him to hit your g-spot as your leg wrapped around his hip. And it felt so good. The friction of his body against yours was stimulating all of your senses, the faint memory of cologne that clung to his skin playing into it all.

 “Fuck,” Mat groaned. He was a mess, already so close. You could feel it in the stutter of his strokes and the way that his hands desperately grasped at your body.

 “I’m close,” you moaned, fingers trailing up the back of his neck. Mat tucked his hand between your bodies, finding your clit and pressing hard, rubbing figure eights on the already sensitive spot.

 Mat allowed his groans and grunts to come from deep within him as he felt you clench around around him. His name was falling past your lips as you came, your second orgasm washing over you, your legs quivering. His arm wrapped around your back, holding you steady as your body relaxed. He slowly fucked you through your orgasm, climaxing right behind you. His movements came to a halt, him still inside you but unable to find the energy to pull out. Cum was running down your thighs but neither of you cared. All that you cared about was that Mat was in love with you. The same way you were in love with him.

 And frankly there was no better feeling in the world.

 Finally, Mat pulled out, wincing when you whimpered. He guided you to the bathtub, the water still warm enough to bother enjoying. After he helped you in he slid in behind you, bringing you back to rest against his chest. He brushed your baby hairs out of your face and pressed tender kisses along your shoulder. You hummed in satisfaction.

 “I like your fantasy,” you teased, leaning your head back to stare up at him. Mat laughed, playfully biting your shoulder.

 “I mean, we’ll have to test out your fantasy and see whose is better,” Mat smirked against your skin.

 “Mmm, you’re getting confident,” you grinned, “I think I deserve a date first.”

 “I think you deserve a lot of dates babygirl,” Mat pressed kisses along your neck, “I wasted a lot of time being stubborn.”

 “I hate to admit it, but I think Josty was actually right,” you confessed. Mat groaned,

 “We don’t need to tell him that.”

 “No,” you shook your head, laughing, “Definitely not.”

 “He’ll chirp us anyway though,” Mat sighed, running his fingers along your cheek.

 “Worth it?”

 Mat chuckled, nodding and running his hands up your chest, cupping your breasts in his hands and giving them a gentle squeeze,

 “Always.”

[allmidaddies]

goodnight and go.

Hooking up with Mat happened by accident.

  While you had met him through mutual friends a while back the two of you were never close by any means. You did consider yourself to be well acquainted, it helped that your roommate Anastasia was dating his best friend Tito so you saw quite a lot of each other.

He never forgot your birthday and always gave you that bright smile and a hug when he saw you, but it was a rarity that you found yourself in his presence alone. You never thought the two of you would ever become a thing and you were sure he thought the same.

 Apparently one night was all it took to change everything.

 I.

You had gone out with a few of your work friends, celebrating the completion of a long term project that your team had been working on. Mat happened to be at the same bar that night, joined by a few friends that were visiting from Vancouver. Without the presence of your usual group of friends you had a desire to take this opportunity for what it was worth.

 There was no denying that Mat was attractive. You had teased him for his pretty boy looks more than once but he never took it to heart, only letting out one of those glorious laughs of his before dishing something back to you. When you caught his eye across the bar that night you found yourself wondering why you had never pursued him in the past. And when he excused himself from the group he was with, undoubtedly making his way across the bar to get to you, you knew he was thinking the same thing.

 “What are you doing out here in the wild?” He asked, that boyish grin on his face as his hand pressed against the small of your back. He rested his elbow against the countertop, bringing you into him ever so subtly so as to close the distance between the two of you.

 “Could ask you the same thing,” you teased, “I almost didn’t recognize you without Tito hanging over your shoulder.”

 Mat let out a loud laugh, drawing a smile from you.

 “He gave me the night off,” Mat said easily. You hummed in response, taking that moment to give him a good look. You had been waiting for the bartender to become available, wanting to order yourself another drink to help get you through the night with your rowdy coworkers, but now you were far more interested in the man in front of you.

 He always looked good, in that effortless way that made you believe he could wear a rain poncho with slippers and still make it work. That night, however, he looked especially appetizing. The grey t-shirt he was wearing stretched across his chest and the way the dark flannel he was wearing hung off of his shoulders made you want to run your hands across his body and push it to the floor.

 Mat might have chirped you for staring but he was busy doing the exact same thing to you. You were only wearing a pair of jeans and an off the shoulder top, nothing fancy in comparison to some of the outfits he had seen you in before, but his gaze lingered on your bare shoulders.

 “Well,” you said, wetting your lips, “I’m glad.”

 Your comment opened the door for Mat. It was suggestive enough to inspire him to make the next move but just friendly enough that he could brush it off if he had no intentions other than giving you a warm greeting. Mat raised his eyebrows slightly, his eyes seeming to sparkle with mischief. It took everything in you to fight the smirk that dared to spread across your lips.

 “Me too,” Mat said with a smile, “Let me get you a drink.”

 That drink gave you the final push of confidence you needed to invite Mat back to your place later in the night. The way his hands never left your waist, fingers dipped just beneath the hem of your top, had you leaning into him as the two of you caught up.

 Where you had always figured things would be forced if you were ever one on one with him, you found easy conversation. It made sense, seeing as how long you had known each other, but you were never sure which way the pendulum might have swung. At least that night it seemed to be in your favor.

 When you got back to your apartment you wasted no time pulling him into your bedroom. It was as though three years of pent up sexual desire for Mat had all come to a head. Lucky for you he was experiencing the very same thing.

 He had you out of your clothes and spread out on the bed within a matter of minutes, lips already swollen from when he’d pressed you up against your bedroom door and crashed his lips against yours.

 Each stroke of his tongue had you whimpering his name, fingers tangled in his hair. He certainly knew what he was doing as he gripped your thighs. You couldn’t help but grind your hips against his tongue, needing as much friction, as much of him, as you could get.

 By the time he was kicking his boxers off your body was vibrating with the two orgasms he’d coaxed out of you with his fingers and tongue yet you were still aching for more. And when he finally sank into you, stretching you out and filling you up, you let out a contented sigh, pulling him closer.

 His lips were on yours again, swallowing each other’s moans as he found a steady pace, stroking along your g-spot with each thrust. With one hand around the back of his neck you reached the other down to rub your clit. Mat dragged his lips down the skin of your neck, leaving marks in his wake to match the ones you’d left on his throat in the Uber back to your place.

 Finally, he knocked your hand away to replace it with his own, feeling you clench around him.

 “Fuck, Mat,” you whined, nails digging into his bicep. His chain hung over your face as he brought you to your third orgasm, chasing his own high as your pussy fluttered around his cock.

 “Yeah baby, gonna cum for me?” He groaned, voice raspy and fucked out as you gave a high pitched moan, head falling back against the pillows as you came. Mat buried his head in your neck, the cool metal of his chain in contrast with your hot skin.

 The room was filled with the sound of you both catching your breath. Mat pulled out of you slowly, cringing when you whined at the loss of contact.

 “Sorry pretty girl,” he murmured, pressing a kiss against your forehead before moving into your bathroom to get something to clean up. He never fully got back into bed but you hadn’t expected him to. It had crossed your mind several times that night how this would change the course of your friendship.

 You tossed the towel into the laundry and reached for a t-shirt to sleep in along with a clean pair of panties. Mat had pulled his boxers back on and was sitting on the edge of the bed by the time you came out of the bathroom.

 “Why have we never done that before?” he asked with a laugh.

 “Beats me,” you laughed, kneeling on the bed across from him. Mat ran his fingers through his hair, choosing his next words carefully.

 “I really hate to be that guy…” Mat trailed off, a guilty expression on his face as he looked over at you. You gave a playful eye roll,

 “I know you have practice tomorrow Barz, you don’t have to give me the line.”

 Mat laughed quietly, shaking his head at you with a smile.

 “We should do that again,” he said, “I had a good time.”

 You had to bite down on your bottom lip, still slightly swollen from having them pressed against his for the past two hours, to keep from smiling.

 “Yeah, definitely. Casual thing, yeah?”

 “Is that your way of telling me I’m not allowed to tell Tito?” Mat teased.

 “Yes,” you laughed, sitting up on your knees.

 “Lips are sealed,” Mat pretended to zip his lips as he stood and shrugged back into his clothes. You shamelessly checked him out as his muscles flexed with each movement. How you had managed to resist him for so long blew your mind.

 “How do you plan on explaining those?” You asked, ghosting your fingers over the marks you’d left on his chest before he slipped his t-shirt over his head. Mat turned to look at his reflection in the mirror. For a brief moment he was distracted by your reflection, the big t-shirt hanging over your frame just enough to cover your ass.

 “I can tell them I just got really, really lucky tonight,” Mat smirked at you in the mirror. You gave a gentle shove to his chest. He laughed as he leaned down to pick up his t-shirt.

 You leaned against the door frame as Mat stepped out into the hallway, tucking his phone in his back pocket.

 “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” Mat said, though he sounded unsure. You fought the grin on your face as you looked up at him,

 “You don’t have to say that.”

 “I know,” Mat smiled, “But, unless you don’t want me to, I’ll text you tomorrow.”

 You felt heat in your face as you glanced down at your bare feet.

 “Okay.”

 “Have a good night, Y/N,” Mat said, giving you a nod and turning on his heel.

 “Have fun at practice tomorrow Barz,” you said, a teasing smile on your lips. Mat gave you a mock salute before heading down the hall.

 II.

While you were talking more regularly since that night than you had in the past it took almost 3 weeks for it to happen again. You had seen him a handful of times but not in a setting that allowed the two of you to slip off again.

 And the next time Mat ended up between your sheets, it happened without the assistance of alcohol.

 You had been feeling particularly needy that night so you did what you had to do. You slipped into an oversized t-shirt and perched yourself on the foot of your bed for an all too inviting mirror selfie to post on your instagram story. It wasn’t often that you posted thirst traps and you weren’t exactly posting it for one specific person but if it worked...it worked. And the photo you got out of it was some of your best work, if you were being honest. And it just so happened that the shirt you were wearing was an old Islanders shirt.

 With the late hour it didn’t take long for a few people to reply to your story. A mix of friends and a few guys you’d talked to in the past. Just as you were contemplating taking it down and replying to one of your old roster numbers, the one person you’d secretly hoped to see it, replied to it.

 barzal97 replied to your story: you could have just invited me over you know

If he’d been any other guy you would have just rolled your eyes and left him on read but somehow it worked for Mat.

 yourusername: this seemed to work just fine though

barzal97: is this an open invitation?

yourusername: if you want it to be...

barzal97: i think i need to come get that shirt off of you

yourusername: you’ll just have to be quiet, Stas is home

Within the hour Mat was texting you that he was there. While Anastasia was in the shower you managed to sneak him into your apartment.

 “You know you can’t laugh, right,” you said as you pressed your hand against his back, gently guiding him down the hall.

 “Why not?” Mat chuckled, already breaking your rule.

 “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you said, tone teasing, “But you have a very distinguishable laugh.”

 It took everything in him to stifle the laugh that erupted from that comment alone. You smack his arm lightly, only making his body vibrate with laughter even more.

 “She’s going to hear you!” You hissed, though your own laughter slipped out as you pushed him onto the bed.

 “Would that be so bad?” Mat asked, pulling you into his lap.

 “She’s not exactly the best at keeping secrets,” you said, “Remember how everyone found out that Tito fucked with socks on…”

 “Oh right…” Mat trailed off. You nodded with a minor eye roll.

 “Well…” Mat said slowly, “I’ll just have to find a way to occupy my mouth...and then I’ll sneak out after she goes to bed.”

 His words had you wanting to squeeze your legs together but because he had you straddling his thighs you couldn’t. So, instead, you rocked your hips against his gently,

 “I can think of a few ways.”

 ~

 A few hours later, once your legs were aching and his hair was drooping over his forehead, Mat quietly slipped on his shoes. You pressed your ear against the bedroom door, listening for any signs that your roommate might still be awake.

 “It’s like almost 1 am,” Mat whispered, hovering over your shoulder.

 “You’d be surprised at how late she stays up on a regular basis,” you sighed.

 “That’s like...really unhealthy,” Mat said.

 “Maybe you should take it up with Tito, usually it’s his fault,” you wiggled your eyebrows at him, earning a quiet chuckle. He clamped his hand over his mouth as you narrowed your eyes at him.

 “Sorry,” he whispered, words muffled from his palm, “I forgot.”

 “I have to say,” you whispered, “I’m impressed with your self restraint.”

 “Yeah?” Mat grinned, “Well, it’s not as hard when I had a pleasant distraction.”

 You raised your eyebrows at him,

 “Pleasant? That’s how you’d describe that? Pleasant? Barz, I did not do the equivalent of 300 squats on your dick for you to describe it as pleasant.”

 Mat slid his arm around your waist, pressing his chest to your back while he buried his face in your neck. His laughter was vibrating against your throat,

 “It was better than pleasant, pretty girl.”

 “Mmm?” You hummed, unimpressed.

 “It was really fucking good,” Mat murmured, “And I’m definitely going to be thinking about it on our next roadie.”

 “Yeah?” You smiled, twisting in his arms to look up at him. Mat nodded.

 “Definitely. And, ya know, if you wanna send me visual inspiration I wouldn’t be opposed.”

 It was your turn to stifle laughter,

 “You can just call them nudes, Barzy.”

 “That makes me sound like a tool,” he pouted. You rolled your eyes at his antic, brushing his hair off of his forehead,

 “If you’re good, I’ll think about it.”

 Mat grinned, leaning down to press his lips against yours, hands sliding to your ass beneath your t-shirt. You were first to pull back, giving him a gentle shove to the chest so you could open the door.

 “Now get out of here before she decides to make a midnight trip to the fridge.”

 Mat laughed, stumbling out into the hall.

 “I’m going, I’m going,” he surrendered, “Goodnight.”

 III.

Mat was stuck in a limbo. The longer the two of you were hooking up the harder it was for him to hide his feelings from you. And the harder it was for the both of you to hide it from your friends.

 He wanted to tell you that his position on this “friends with benefits” situation had changed since it all started nearly two months ago now, but he was afraid to ruin the relationship that you had developed over that time.

 It was obvious to everyone that you were closer than you had been in years past but it was subtle enough that nobody questioned anything. They chalked it up to being that Anastasia and Tito were dating so you and Mat were seeing more of each other than before but the reality was that the times without them were the times you were taking advantage of.

 Before, Mat would text you less than three times a month. It was more likely he sent you a stupid meme on Instagram than anything. But now he was FaceTiming you on the road and coming by your apartment as soon as he was back in town. You told yourself it was because he knew Anastasia would be heading over to Tito’s place to hang out, unwilling to let yourself fall down that rabbit hole.

 He was also far more affectionate on nights out than normal. He was a pretty handsy guy as it was but now it was rare that you spent a night out without him draping his arm around the back of the booth, leaning just a little closer to talk to you than necessary. He couldn’t help himself.

 Everything about you drew him to you. Your smile, your laugh, the way you played with your hair when you got nervous, or talked with your hands when you got excited.

 You also shared a growing number of inside jokes. From when Mat drunkenly slammed his fingers in your bedroom door or the time you accidentally kneed yourself in the face during missionary.

 When he’d entered into the agreement of friends with benefits he was sure he would be able to avoid catching feelings. You’d been friends for years and never before had he had any sort of romantic feelings towards you. Sure he thought you were pretty and your sense of humor complimented his, but the desire to call you his girl had never crossed his mind before.

 He wanted to blame it on the sexual chemistry that the two of you shared but the more time that passed the less he could excuse it. You were the first person he thought to text when something good happened, the one he wanted to call when he was having a bad day. Each game day he found himself picturing you in a wag jacket with his last name on it or a jersey with his number.

 And while Mat was usually pretty forward he couldn’t bring himself to tell you the truth. So he didn’t. And he continued to end every hookup with a goodnight and go.

 Mat rolled onto his back, hands tucked behind his head as he caught his breath. His chest was glistening in the dim lighting of your room, his body spent from a long night between the sheets. Anastasia had told you she was staying the night with Tito so as soon as the door shut behind her you were texting Mat, asking if he was free to come over. Which, to no surprise considering his best friend was occupied, he was.

 You stumbled into the bathroom, legs feeling like jello to the point you gripped the countertop for support. You could hear Mat get up off the bed, getting dressed once again. A heavy sigh slipped from your lips at the thought of him leaving before even giving himself a chance to catch his breath.

 It was nothing new. It happened every time. Whether you were at his place or at your place, as soon as both of you were sexually satisfied and exhausted the clothes were thrown back on and one of you was half way out the door.

 You wanted something to budge. As much as you cherished your friendship with him and the fact that you were closer now than ever, you wanted more. It felt selfish and stupid, seeing as he could have any girl he wanted so why would he want to be tied down at a young age?

 You did your best to push the feelings back, washing your face to buy yourself time before having to face him once again.

 Mat sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to rejoin him in the bedroom before he dipped. It was getting harder to leave every time. How badly he wanted to pull you into his chest and fall asleep with you.

 The bathroom door opened, light pouring in for a moment before you flicked it off and made your way back over to the bed. You made yourself comfortable, reaching for your water and taking a long drink. Mat was buying himself time, checking his phone and answering Jordan’s text before finally standing up and stretching his arms over his head.

 You hated the way he made it seem like such a dramatic thing every time he left. Like you didn’t expect it. Like he needed to apologize every time. You understood that this was just sex for him.

 Mat caught the way you dropped your gaze to your lap, picking at your nails as he put on his slides and reached for his keys. If he wasn’t mistaken he could trace pain in your expression. For a moment he wondered if you wanted him to stay. But he couldn’t ask you that. It would be making himself incredibly vulnerable and he wasn’t ready for the rejection.

 “Are you coming to dinner tomorrow?” He asked, breaking the silence. It was Jordan’s birthday and everyone was invited to get dinner in the city, you included of course. Mat wanted to see you in a pretty dress, laughing with your friends. Even if he couldn’t have you.

 “Yeah,” you breathed, “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

 He nodded, unable to find any other words to say. He needed to rip off the bandaid and go. Your eyes were heavy on him as he crossed the room to the door. Just as he opened it he heard you shuffle in bed, tucking yourself in. His heart ached in his chest at the thought of you having to be in an empty apartment that night.

 He padded across the room, taking you by surprise. You stared up at him curiously as he reached you. He took your chin in his forefinger and thumb, tilting it up to look at him.

 Before you could ask him what was going through his mind he pressed one more kiss against your lips. And then one against your forehead.

 “Goodnight pretty girl.”

 IV.

You should not have been jealous. Not even a little bit. However, that little green monster appeared on your shoulder as you sat in the booth and watched Mat lean over the counter and order a drink for the pretty girl on his left.

 He was young, attractive, and very much single so he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. He could flirt with whoever and have sex with whoever but something felt so wrong about watching him with someone who wasn’t you.

 When you’d gotten ready for the night out earlier in the evening you had dressed yourself in one of your favorite outfits, hoping that it might catch Mat’s eye. The two of you had never gone home together after a night out with your friends, fearing that they might catch on to the new situationship that had developed. You couldn’t help it, though. You had caught feelings and as much as you denied it to yourself you knew exactly why that little green monster had shown up that night.

 You reached the bottom of your drink, mindlessly swirling the ice around as you listened to Jordan and Tito talk about something that you’d missed half of. A body dropped into the space beside you, pushing your empty drink out of your hand and replacing it with a new one. Out of the corner of your eye you caught a glimpse of Mat’s hands, those familiar bracelets against his pale skin.

 “Thank you,” you said quietly, not bothering to make sure he heard you. Mat scrunched his eyebrows together, noticing your quiet demeanor and the crease between your brows.

 “What’s up pretty girl?” he asked, leaning into you and squeezing your thigh underneath the table. You gave him a half second glance before staring down at your drink once again.

 “Nothing.”

 Mat ran his fingers through his hair, looking back over his shoulder to see the frown on the face of the girl he’d just ditched at the bar.

 “Am I supposed to believe that?” Mat asked, a teasing tone in his voice.

 “Believe whatever you want,” you shrugged, finally looking up at him properly. Mat caught your gaze, his eyes searching yours for any kind of hint that you were feeling exactly what he thought you might be feeling.

 “Do you want to get out of here?” He asked lowly, eyes shifting towards the door. You turned your attention to the rest of the group. They were all engrossed in conversations amongst themselves, unaware of the invitation Mat had just extended to you.

 “Only if you’re coming with me,” you said, finally a small smile tugging at your lips. Mat felt like breathing a sigh of relief but he chuckled instead,

 “Of course I am. It appears I need to make you feel better babygirl.”

 Mat slid from the booth, announcing to everyone that he was taking you home. Anastasia gave you a look that asked a million questions but you gave her your best poker face and a shrug of your shoulders. After a chorus of “have a good night” and “see you tomorrow” Mat guided you out the door and onto the streets of New York.

 ~

 That night you lingered a little longer after both of you came down from your orgasms.

 Mat had pulled you closer than before, his arm around your back to hold your chest against his as he thrust into you, making your toes curl. He more than made up for flirting with that other girl at the bar. Not that he knew that.

 He stayed deep inside you for a moment, both of your bodies glistening with sweat in the moonlight. It seemed as though you were both thinking the same thing. Was this enough anymore?

 Finally you pushed his shoulder so that he would pull out, rolling onto his back so you could get up. The air in his bedroom felt thick with tension and unspoken words as you got dressed. Mat broke the silence first as he sat up.

 “Do you want to stay?”

 The words sounded strange coming off of his tongue. Awkward and unsure. He watched in anticipation as your body stiffened at his request. He already knew your answer but he couldn’t help but ask the question.

 Did you want to stay? Yes. Of course you did. You always wanted to stay and you always wanted him to stay. The friendship that you’d had before hooking up had paved the way for the newfound feelings you’d developed and suddenly you were falling for the guy that you never thought you’d be with. The guy you had watched flirt through countless bars and afterparties, who could have any girl he wanted. The fact that you had been stupid enough to let yourself get attached terrified you. And now he was asking you to stay.

 “Is that a good idea, Barzy?” You asked. Mat rolled his eyes at the nickname. His name always sounded so nice coming off of your lips whenever he was inside you but as soon as it was over it was like he was another one of the boys to you.

 “I don’t know,” Mat sighed, “Is it?”

 “I think we both know the answer to that,” you said softly, pushing yourself to stand. If you’d been paying closer attention you would have seen the way his face twisted in pain at your rejection. But, with your back to him, you were hiding your own.

 “But it’s late,” Mat said gently.

 “You’ve let me go home late before,” you said, watching him closely as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for his boxers.

 “Well,” he shrugged, “That was before.”

 “Before what?”

 “Before I knew better.”

 You wanted to ask him what he meant by that but decided against it. Not tonight. You were tired and feeling frustrated at yourself for falling this far.

 “Let me drive you home, at least,” Mat said. He was standing now, sweats hanging low on his hips as he ran his hands down your arms.

 You looked up at him, scanning his face. You wanted some hint of emotion but he was so good at keeping a poker face. For a moment you thought you might have seen a glimpse of sadness in his pretty eyes but it was gone before you could really question it. He gave your arms a gentle squeeze before stepping around you to grab a sweatshirt.

 The car ride was quiet, but not in a way that it felt uncomfortable. Mat had the radio playing quietly so you could tell he was deep inside his own head.

 “Are you watching the road?” You asked, leaning your elbow on the center console. Mat laughed,

 “I am looking at the road. Why?”

 You shrugged,

 “You seem a bit like a space cadet tonight.”

 Mat furrowed his brows, the smile on his face dropping. You immediately regretted bringing it up. Maybe you weren’t close enough yet to talk about things like this yet.

 “I’m okay,” Mat said. He let his gaze drift to you for a moment,

 “You don’t believe me.”

 It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

 “You didn’t believe me earlier,” you countered. Mat pulled up in front of your building, putting his car into park before he turned to look at you properly.

 “I’m okay, I promise.”

 “Promise you’d tell me if you weren’t?” You asked. He looked tired. The smile he’d had when he greeted you with a hug at the pre-game was no longer reaching his eyes.

 “Yes,” he said. You stared at him a moment longer.

 “Okay,” you said quietly, “Because I care about you, Mat. Maybe more than I should but for good reason.”

 Mat nodded. God he wanted to tell you how he felt so bad but he couldn’t work up the courage to push it past the tip of his tongue.

 “Goodnight Barzy,” you said, leaning over the console and pressing a kiss against his pouted lips. Before he could get another word in you were gone.

 + one

The expression on Mat’s face told you everything as he skated off the ice after a crushing loss at home. You hadn’t even noticed you were chewing on your bottom lip until you tasted a bit of blood from the broken skin.

 Mat had invited you to come over after the game earlier in the day but now you weren’t so sure if he’d want company. You had experienced losses with the team before but this was different. Mat hadn’t had a good game at all and while watching him break his stick against the glass in the third period was making you squeeze your legs together, you figured he’d want to be alone.

 All you really wanted was to make him feel better, as best you could, but it wasn’t exactly your place. That wasn’t in your agreement.

 iMessage: Mat Barzal (2)

i want you naked

meet me by my car in 20 minutes

You nearly choked when your phone buzzed in your hand and you read the messages Mat had sent you. You tried to ignore the fact that even after a tough loss you were the first person he was thinking of. And even better, he wanted to see you.

 You had seen Mat angry during games and while he was most definitely dominating in bed, you were about to experience a side of him you’d never seen before.

 He’d been brooding the entire ride back to your apartment, the black eye he was sporting only added to the dark look in his expression. Once the door was shut behind you he was ordering you to the bedroom, but not before crashing his lips against yours in a heated kiss. Like he’d been waiting all night.

 “Go get on the bed,” Mat said, his voice low and rough as he kicked off his shoes. Where you might have typically given him an attitude, seeing just how far you could push his buttons, you nodded submissively and stripped yourself on your way to your room, leaving a trail of discarded clothes in your wake.

 Mat waited in the kitchen a moment, running his hands over his face and through his still damp hair. He took a deep breath, calming himself down from the game he’d just had. It was okay. You were here now. And you were waiting for him in the bedroom.

 Mat left his suit jacket draped over the back of one of your barstools, loosening his tie as he headed towards the bedroom.

 His breath caught in his throat when he saw you sitting on your knees for him, in just your bra and panties. There was an innocent expression on your face, wondering what he had in store for you. His fingers worked on the buttons of his dress shirt, needing the material off of his body so that he could feel your skin against his.

 “Fuck babygirl,” he said, running his thumb over your bottom lip as he towered over you, “You make me feel so much better.”

 You pressed your hands against his abdomen, trailing down to his belt and moving to undo it.

 “Ah ah ah,” Mat caught your wrists, “Give me a taste first. That’s all I want right now.”

 Though he was in charge there was a sort of pleading in his voice as he laid you out on the bed, making himself comfortable between your legs.

 “I’ve been thinking about this since the second period,” he hummed, lips moving against the inside of your thighs.

 “Me too,” you sighed. His hands slid up your legs, hooking on your panties and tugging them down.

 “God you’re incredible,” Mat spoke softly, more to himself than to you as he admired your wet pussy now bare before him.

 “Please Mat,” you whined, carding your fingers through his hair. He lifted his gaze to meet yours,

 “Just lay back, baby, enjoy the show.”

 He licked a bold strip up your pussy, collecting your juices on his tongue before wrapping his lips around your clit. He moaned against you, the vibration making your head fall against the pillows and your eyes roll back.

 Mat was clearly getting some of his frustration of the game out, letting his mind become distracted as he fucked you with his tongue. He always knew how to make you cum within minutes with his tongue alone but that night he was so focused, only wanting to draw more and more of those sweet moans from your lips. The way his name sounded in your mouth was making him hard. He couldn’t help but rut his hips against the bed as your whimpers and whines filled his ears.

 Even when he was done bringing you to orgasm he didn’t let up. He pushed his pants and boxers to the floor, bringing your knee to your chest to spread you open as he leaned down so his face was even with your core once again. His eyes locked with yours as he spit onto your pussy.

 You sucked in a sharp gasp at the sensation, a sinister smile on his face as he slid into you. He loved watching you fall apart for him.

 He had barely let you catch your breath but you wanted it. You were loving the feeling of his desperation, just needing release. If you could offer him escape that’s what you would give him.

 Mat pulled out briefly, only long enough so he could flip you onto your knees and run his hand down your back before pushing into you again.

 “You’re so good for me baby,” he groaned.

 “Fuck,” you cried, fisting the sheets as he picked up his pace again.

 “This pussy is all mine, yeah baby? All mine,” Mat said. You moaned in agreement, senses too overwhelmed to give any other response. It was his. He was the only person who could make you feel this good. Mat reached down and pressed his fingers against your clit, feeling you clench around him.

 “Close, eh?” he asked.

 “Yes Mat, yes yes yes.”

 He flipped you back onto your back, legs spread open for him once again. He pulled out, his hard cock resting against his lower stomach as he pushed his fingers into you, thumb rubbing against your clit in tight circles.

 “C’mon baby, come on,” Mat encouraged you, knowing you were so close. His other hand stroked his cock in pace with his fingers that were pumping in and out of you. As you came, he was finishing on your stomach with a low groan and a string over curse words. Your nails dug into his forearm. He coaxed you through your orgasm, lazily rubbing his fingers over your clit and spreading around your cum as he watched your body relax into the mattress.

 “Good job pretty girl,” he praised, pulling his fingers away and bringing them to his mouth. Your jaw dropped open slightly, staring up at him as he sucked them clean, the sound filling the room.

 Mat moved into the bathroom, grabbing a wet towel to clean you off. As soon as he was done he hovered over top of you again, pressing a few kisses against your lips,

 “You did so good baby. You make me feel so much better.”

 ~

 Mat didn’t mean to fall asleep. He hadn’t exactly wanted to leave like he usually did but he wasn’t planning on crossing the line that night. However, he’d been so exhausted from the night that his body betrayed him and he found himself waking up in your bed.

 Neither one of you had gotten dressed, the thin sheets the only thing covering your frames as your legs tangled together. Your head rested on his chest, fingers loosely curled around the chain that was hanging from his neck. He could feel your heartbeat against his ribcage and it was taking everything in him to keep his own steady.

 Your other hand was looped around the back of his neck, fingers tangled in his hair. Mat let his hand ghost over the bare skin of your back, mindlessly drawing shapes as he reveled in the moment. If it had been anyone else he might have slipped from the bed and made a quiet exit. But it was you.

 And he wanted to hang onto this moment as long as you’d let him. He was afraid to move, for fear of waking you up from the peaceful dream you seemed to be having. The way your nose scrunched and lips pouted had his heart tugging in his chest.

 All too quickly your eyes were fluttering open, adjusting to the light of your room after being pulled from your deep sleep by the warm body beside you. The metal between your fingers brought you back to earth, grounding you in the reality that you were waking up in your own room with Mat tucking you into his side.

 “Hi,” he said, voice rough with sleep.

 “Hi,” you breathed, running your palm down his bare chest. God you could get used to this. The number of times you thought about what it would be like to wake up in his arms, to not have him leave you with a goodnight, had nearly broken you down. You just hoped he wanted this as badly as you did.

 If it weren’t for your bladder you would have laid there all morning and well into the afternoon. Unwillingly, you pushed yourself up onto your elbows. Gently you reached out and brushed his hair off of his forehead. You contemplated leaning down and pressing your lips against his but decided not to push your luck.

 Mat watched as you slipped out from the sheets, grabbing a t-shirt from the floor to throw on before making your way into the bathroom. You glanced at him over your shoulder just before shutting the door, taking in his appearance with the bedsheet low on his hips and his hair messy. His arm was draping over his eyes now, bottom lip between his teeth. He looked so...pretty.

 His praises from the night before were stirring around in your head.

 “You make me feel so much better.”

 “All mine.”

 When you emerged from the bathroom he was sitting up, feet planted on the floor, with his boxers back on. He was running his fingers through his hair, staring out the window with an expression you couldn’t read on his pretty features.

 “I’m going to make breakfast…” you said, breaking his attention, “If you want some.”

 Mat turned to look at you, the light from the bathroom acting as a halo around you. You had washed your face and all the traces of the night before were gone and he was left staring at the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

 “Yeah,” he breathed, “Yeah, sounds good.”

 You pulled out a pair of clean panties to put on as Mat took his turn in the bathroom.

 When he joined you in the kitchen he made himself busy making coffee while you tried to ignore the looming question that hung over both of you.

 “So apparently I left a huge crack in the glass last night at the arena,” Mat said.

 “I’m not surprised,” you laughed, “You were swinging your stick like it was a baseball bat.”

 “Yeah I’m thinking of taking up a new sport,” Mat laughed, stepping up beside you as you finished up the eggs.

 “Mmm,” you hummed, “I think you should stick to hockey.”

 “Even after last night?” Mat chuckled, a hint of disappointment in his voice. You smiled softly, looking up at him over your shoulder,

 “Even after last night.”

 Mat pressed a kiss on your shoulder and you could feel his smile through your t-shirt. He pulled down two plates and two mugs, setting them side by side on the counter. You were about to ask him to put some oat milk in your coffee but he was already pressing a warm mug into your hand. He had a proud smile on his face as he watched your words die on your lips.

 “Don’t think I’d forget how you take your coffee,” he teased before launching into a story about the previous day. You watched him closely, noting all his typical nervous habits. Cracking his knuckles, folding his hands together, fixing his hair. Check. Check. Check.

 “Mat,” you said finally, interrupting his monologue.

 “Yeah?” he asked, clearing the now empty plates.

 “Are we gonna talk about it?”

 “What?” He asked, playing dumb.

 “Mathew,” you said slowly. Mat laughed nervously, averting his eyes. You chewed the inside of your cheek, moving to the sink to start filling it with water so you could wash some dishes.

 Mat was quiet, gathering his thoughts as he watched you. He could do mornings like this every morning. It was so domestic and comfortable. Everything he had hoped it would be and more.

 Mat stood behind you, gently taking the sponge from your hands and turning you so you were facing him, your back against the counter.

 “Look,” he said, “I know I don’t typically spend the night…”

 You nodded, busying yourself with a loose string on his boxers.

 “But I’m really, really into you and I hate leaving every night,” he admitted. That one sentence and it felt like the weight of the world was off his shoulders.

 “I don’t like it when you leave,” you confessed, voice barely a whisper. Mat’s lips spread out in a wide grin,

 “Yeah?”

 He caught your chin between his forefinger and thumb, tilting it to look up at him. You nodded, best you could with him holding your face.

 “And I’m really really into you too.”

 Your hands flattened against his stomach and you slid your arms around his waist.

 “So I can, like, totally spend the night again?” Mat asked. You laughed, nodding again.

 “Please do.”

 “I plan on it.”

 You smiled as he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. His lips ghosted over yours as he spoke again,

 “I also plan on taking you on a date.”

 “Oh?”

 “Mhm. Free tomorrow night?”

 “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Barzy, but I’m always free for you.”

 Mat laughed, reaching down to hoist your legs up around his waist. You gripped the back of his neck, letting out a loud laugh when he teasingly bit down on your neck. He set you on the counter, hands running over your bare legs.

 “Oh and by the way,” he said, that boyish grin on his face.

 “Hmm?”

 “Good morning.”

[allmidaddies]

to be married.

By the time Mat had the chance to call you after the game you were already tucked into bed, one of his old Thunderbirds t-shirts adorning your body as you snuggled beneath the sheets. Even though he had been gone for nearly three months now, including the time spent at training camp in New York, you still weren’t used to sleeping alone.

It helped that the two of you had decided to adopt a golden retriever during the season pause. Mat had been in charge of naming the dog and when he told you he had settled on Beau you didn’t miss the opportunity to chirp him for it. And you made sure to inform Anthony of the decision, who still hadn’t let it go. Beau was as loyal as your boyfriend was, and as loyal as the friend he was named after, whether Mat would ever admit to that or not. He was curled up at the foot of the bed while you gnawed anxiously on your bottom lip.

 As soon as the final buzzer had sounded you had a sinking feeling in your stomach, one that hadn’t gone away since you’d turned the TV off nearly an hour ago now. It still didn’t feel real that the season was over and Mat was coming home but the look of heartbreak and disappointment on his face was ingrained in your brain. Even if you hadn’t been waiting for him to call you wouldn’t have been able to sleep with that image frozen in your mind.

 You were so lost in your thoughts that you almost didn’t hear your phone buzzing on the bedside table. Mindlessly you reached for it, too comfortable in your position to fully sit up.

 “Hey pretty girl,” Mat said, sadness evident in his voice when your face popped up on his screen. His eyes were glassy and he looked exhausted. From the looks of it he wasn’t even in his hotel room, having stopped off at one of the outdoor balconies to call you with as much privacy as he could get in the bubble.

 “Hey superstar,” you spoke softly. You propped your phone up so that you could lay on your side as you spoke with him. Every part of you ached to have him laying in bed beside you, fingers tracing along your waist beneath the t-shirt you were wearing, voice soft and quiet even though it was only the two of you in the house. But not yet. And unfortunately, sooner than either of you wanted despite missing one another like hell.

 “So this sucks,” Mat said, a humorless chuckle leaving his lips. And then a heavy sigh. He tore his gaze away from you, staring out over the city.

 The only sounds around him were the occasional passing car and distant sirens. Otherwise it was the most peace he felt like he’d had since coming to the bubble. It had been a long two months and now it was all over. Things felt incomplete and he was running through every shift, wondering what and why and how.

 He propped his phone against his water bottle and ran his hands over his face.

 “Baby,” you murmured, tears pricking your eyes as you watched his shoulders shake ever so lightly. He was crying. Every ounce of emotion from the season and from the bubble had built up and he was finally letting it out.

 “This really sucks,” he said, voice rough from the need for sleep and choked back tears.

 “Yeah,” you agreed, unable to offer any form of advice. There wasn’t much to say after this. They had fought hard and they had tried to come back from their deficit but it wasn’t enough this year.

 “I just can’t believe it’s over,” Mat said, wiping his eyes, looking at you again. You looked tired too, down comforter falling away from your shoulder. He could just barely see the logo printed on the t-shirt of his you were wearing. It was enough to draw a smile to the corners of his lips.

 “Nice shirt.”

 You glanced down, smiling to yourself,

 “Thank you. Favorite team.”

 Mat laughed, a real laugh. It wasn’t much but it was genuine.

 “Been a long ride huh?” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

 “You have so much to be happy about and so much to be proud of, Mat,” you said earnestly. You knew that he knew that but there was no harm in reminding him.

 “And I am so proud of you too. Always. No matter what.”

 “God I miss you,” Mat’s eyes filled with tears again, “I’ve missed you this entire time but right now, I’ve never wanted you with me so bad.”

 You swallowed your own tears, knowing it was your time to be strong for him in this moment.

 “Soon.”

 “Silver lining, eh?”

 ~

 It had only been two days since your phone call with Mat but it felt like ages. But in a few short minutes you would be reunited with the love of your life, and maybe for a moment the sadness of their season being over would subside.

 You were practically bouncing on your toes as you scanned the small cluster of people that were moving through the airport. Mat’s flight had just landed and while you knew that realistically it would take him a while to get down to baggage claim you were impatient.

 You felt your phone buzz in the back pocket of your denim shorts and you almost didn’t break your attention from the stairs to look at it but you decided to give in for just a moment, figuring it was just your mom asking what time you planned on being back. To your surprise it was Mat. A positive sign that he was in fact in the same city as you once again.

 Mat: you look better than i remember

Mat: didn’t think that was possible

You furrowed your brows and looked up again, scanning the hallway again for your boyfriend. And that’s when you saw him. Leaning against the opposite wall from you. Even with his mask on you recognized those eyes anywhere. He pushed himself off of the wall, his smile evident in the creases around his eyes as he jogged across the hallway towards you, dropping the few bags he had to the ground so that he could catch you as you bounded towards him.

 You wasted no time meeting him in the middle, springing into his arms and wrapping your arms around his neck, legs around his waist.

 “Hi baby,” he hummed, words muffled by your hair. You couldn’t hold him tight enough. Tears were threatening to spill down your cheeks and you could feel Mat’s tears against your neck as he ran his hands along your back.

 The rest of the world faded away as the two of you stood there, reveling in the feeling of holding each other again. If there were annoyed travelers grumbling as they passed around you, you didn’t notice them. All that you could focus on was Mat. His shampoo. His hoodie beneath your fingers. His warm hands on your back. His beard scratching against your neck.

 Even when Mat set you down again he didn’t let go, arms only wrapping tighter around your shoulders as you hugged his waist.

 “I missed you so much,” you whispered, not trusting your voice. He didn’t say anything, just moving one hand to the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair as he held you against him.

 “This part doesn’t suck,” Mat said. You let yourself laugh softly, pulling back from him just enough so you could look in his eyes, hands cupping his chin the way you had wanted to that night of Game 6.

 “I wanna kiss you so bad right now,” Mat mumbled, brushing your hair back from your face. A schoolgirl giggle slipped past your lips and had it not been for the mask you would have clamped your hand over your mouth.

 “Let’s get the rest of your luggage and then we can make out in the car like horny teenagers,” you wiggled your eyebrows, sliding your hands along his chest. Mat laughed. This time a full, deep from within laugh. The one you had missed so badly.

 Mat didn’t wait until he was in the car to pull his mask away. He at least made it to where you had parked the car but before you could open the trunk to put his bags in he was pushing you up against it, unhooking your mask from your ear and pressing his lips against yours. You let your arms drape over his shoulders, pulling him as close as you could while his hands roamed your waist.

 He tasted like mint, with a hint of coffee. Exactly as you had remembered. You let your fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck, nails scratching against his skin. It was enough to draw a quiet groan from him which vibrated against your lips and brought a smile to your face.

 Mat pulled back just enough so that he could speak,

 “God I love you so fucking much baby.”

 You leaned up on your tiptoes to kiss him once again.

 “I love you too, superstar. Now let’s go home.”

 ~

 The previous year, you and Mat had purchased a summer cabin in Vancouver so that you didn’t have to live out of suitcases at your parents’ homes whenever the offseason came around. It was nestled amongst the trees not too far out from the city and not too far from either of your families.

 While you wanted to spend the rest of the day with Mat in bed you knew that he had a family that had missed him as much as you had. And your mom hadn’t stopped talking about how badly she wanted to give her “son-in-law” a hug since the final buzzer.

 You figured the best way to welcome him home was with a little bit of his mom’s cooking and a lot of his sister’s teasing, so you’d invited both of your families over for the evening. Except they had translated “evening” to “afternoon” so they were waiting for you when you pulled into the driveway. You couldn’t blame them, though.

 A fresh wave of tears pricked your eyes while you watched him reunite with his family, yours not far behind. You were reminded once again how grateful you were that your families fit so well together. Having Mat back felt like finding the missing piece to the puzzle and everything felt complete once again.

 Mat didn’t bother to bring his bags inside, already distracted by the rainfall of questions everyone was asking him about how life had really been inside the bubble. You fell back, allowing everyone else to catch up on what you had already drawn from him in the car coming back from the airport.

 While Mat had been gone you had stayed with your parents more than you’d stayed at the house, just because it felt lonely when it was just you and Beau. Who, by the way, was potentially the family member that was most excited to see Mat.

 You remembered the first time you and Mat stood in this house as homeowners. There wasn’t a single piece of furniture in the place so you had slept on a mattress on the floor the first three weeks until your bed frame came.

 “Oh look!” Mat sounded like a kid on Christmas, calling out to you from the kitchen. His voice echoed off of the walls in the empty home. You were already making a mental list of what colors you wanted throughout the interior decorations and what furniture would go best in each space.

“The Barzals,” Mat grinned, holding up the card that your realtor had left the two of you, along with a housewarming gift and a bottle of wine.

“I like the sound of that,” Mat smirked, tucking you into his side and pressing a kiss against your forehead. You felt your heart flutter at the thought. The two of you had definitely discussed marriage more than once. Half of the time it was teasingly, but the other half it was late night pillow talk with Mat tracing his thumb over your ring finger.

“Me too,” you smiled up at him, chasing his lips when he pulled away.

“I think now that we’ve got this place I need a ring to go with it,” you teased, sauntering away from him.

“How do you know I haven’t already picked one out?” Mat asked, raising his eyebrows at you as he trailed behind you, hands grasping at your waist.

“What does it look like?” You challenged.

“Mmm,” Mat stalled, a mischievous smile on his lips, “It has seventeen diamonds on it.”

His hands traveled lower, bringing your body into his once again, lips ghosting over your neck,

“It weighs nearly a pound, because everything is finished in gold.”

“It sounds horrendous,” you hummed.

“Does it? I thought it was perfectly your style,” Mat teased.

“You don’t know me at all then, Mathew Barzal,” you pouted, carding your fingers through his hair.

“Mmm I think I do,” he murmured, “Because I know that I would be foolish to even consider walking into a ring store without letting you take a nice long look at them.”

You smiled, a laugh slipping past your lips.

“Besides I always figured I’d propose in early fall so I have a few months yet,” Mat shrugged.

“Happy to be home?” You asked Mat as his arm found its way around your shoulders once again. You’d let Beau out, standing on the edge of the back porch while your mothers started making dinner in the kitchen.

 “Happy and sad,” Mat said, “But the sadness will go away soon. Probably just need a good meal.”

 You nodded, resting your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him.

 “Thank you for having everyone over, by the way,” Mat spoke into your hair, his words muffled, “It’s the only thing I want right now.”

 You hummed in response.

 “Well,” Mat paused, “Not the only thing.”

 You rolled your eyes to yourself, a laugh vibrating in his chest as he caught the expression.

 “You’re insufferable.”

 “It was a long three months,” Mat defended.

 “I sent you a lot of pictures….and videos….and I think we had plenty of phone calls,” you argued. Mat laughed, a devilish glint in his eyes as he leaned down closer to your ear, lowering his voice,

 “But nothing is quite the same as fucking that sweet pussy.”

 Chills erupted across your skin and you fought the urge to squeeze your legs together.

 “Mathew you better watch it,” you warned.

 “Or what?” He smirked.

 “Or it might be longer than three months,” you threatened, slipping from his grip. Mat’s mouth dropped open to protest but the words didn’t come. You pressed a kiss against his throat where it met his jaw bone before disappearing back into the house.

 Mat managed to keep his...horniness...to himself. His hands were a different story. He barely let you get two feet away from him before his hands were chasing you. Needing to have an arm draped over your shoulders, you in his lap, his pinky curled around yours, or even just his thigh pressed against you under the table. Too much was never enough it seemed. But you weren’t going to complain.

 His eyes trailed down the side of your face, watching the late afternoon sun pour in through the windows and make your skin glow. How badly he wanted to just press his lips against every inch of your body right then and there. In fact. He wanted to do that every single day for the rest of his life.

 Being in the bubble had given Mat the opportunity to realize what life was like without you. The two of you had discussed marriage many a time, especially now that you had this home in Vancouver and an apartment in New York where you co-habitated. And ever since he took you ring shopping all those months ago in the late winter in New York, he had been thinking about the day when he sank down to one knee and asked you to spend your life with him.

 Before he went to the bubble Mat was beginning to conjure up the plan of the grand gesture he would put together for that special night when he asked you to be his wife. He figured it would be here in Coquitlam, where you both grew up. Probably out on a rooftop restaurant with enough candles that would make a fireman sweat and far too many rose petals. It would be cold, late autumn since the off season had shifted. You would be in a pretty dress and he would be in that navy blue suit you loved so much. It was becoming his lucky suit, first the Calder trophy and then...the greatest blessing of them all. You.

 Mat finally let you slip away from him for a moment, his mind caught up in a daydream. It was the sound of the backdoor that brought him back to reality. He watched as your father stepped out onto the back deck, empty handed, to admire the sun that was beginning to set. His gaze fell back on you where you were leaning over the counter with your mom and his sister, laughing about something his own mom was showing all three of you.

 He took the opportunity to grab a beer from the fridge and slip out the back door to join your father.

 “Oh,” your father nearly jumped when Mat appeared beside him, offering the bottle to him, “Thanks.”

 Mat nodded, mumbling a ‘you’re welcome’ as he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest as he ran over what he was going to say in his head. He had been planning this conversation for a while but he hadn’t exactly been prepared to do it today. But seeing you at the airport had ignited something in him. A feeling of urgency that he needed to do this as soon as possible. As soon as tonight.

 Mat ran his fingers through his hair, clearing his throat before finally finding his voice.

 “So I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

 Your father raised his eyebrows, a look on his face Mat couldn’t quite discern. It was as if he was hiding a cheshire grin behind the bottle as he brought it to his lips, taking a small swig.

 “Go ahead.”

 Mat took a deep breath, looking out over the sunset.

 “You know I had this whole plan for how I was going to do this,” he chuckled, shaking his head to himself, “I was thinking late October, somewhere in the city, probably too many string lights, and an expensive dinner.”

 Mat paused,

 “But I’ve been gone for two months, almost three, and when I saw her today I realized that as much as she deserves all of those things, she deserves something large and grandiose, I can’t wait any longer. I probably would’ve asked her right there in the middle of the airport if I’d had the ring but I wanted to ask you first.”

 He scratched his beard mindlessly, finally looking over at your father once again,

 “So I was hoping that I could have your blessing...”

 You stared past your mom’s shoulder towards the back deck where Mat was talking to your father. Neither one of them were laughing like they usually did whenever the two of them got together and you couldn’t read the expression on your father’s face.

 “What are they talking about?” You wondered aloud, causing all three women to turn and look in the direction you were staring. Liana’s eyes widened but you were too busy watching Mat run his hand over his beard to notice.

 “Your father’s probably giving him “advice,”” Your mom laughed with an eye roll. She was probably right. There was nothing your father loved more than treating Mat like he was his own son. And that meant Mat got son-like treatment in the form of unsolicited feedback and advice.

 “Oh geez,” you groaned, beginning to move towards the door so that you could save Mat from the inevitable “you’ve got big dreams kid” speech you were sure was coming. Liana caught your arm,

 “Wait look at this!”

 She slid her phone into your view, peeking over your shoulder to see Mat shaking hands with your father before opening the back door.

 “Is dinner ready?” Mat asked his mom, stepping up behind you and draping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you back into his chest. You tilted your head back, trying to get a glimpse of him as he pressed a kiss on your forehead.

 “First home cooked meal in almost three months,” Mat sighed, “I hope you made enough.”

 “Don’t lie,” you teased, “I know Mama Jost was sending you meals up in Edmonton.”

 “Close…” Mat said, “But not quite the same.”

 ~

 By the time your families were leaving that evening you were itching to get Mat alone. Even though you had sat next to him all evening, his thigh pressed against yours with his arm draped over the back of your chair, it wasn’t quite the same as having him wrap his arms around you and hold you underneath the covers.

 Mat barely waited for the taillights to disappear down the driveway before he was dragging you up to the bedroom.

 “Don’t you want to get your bags?” You asked, trying not to trip over the steps as you trailed behind him.

 “Later,” Mat waved you off, “I just wanna lay down with you right now.”

 You weren’t going to protest against that because in all honesty that was all you wanted right then as well. It had been so long since the two of you had been able to just curl up in bed together. When he left for training back in July you had no idea how long it would be until you saw him again and now that he was back it felt like forever and no time at all, all at the same time.

 Mat kicked off his shoes and sat patiently on the edge of the bed while you did the same. His eyes never left you, like he was afraid to miss even another second.

 “I love you,” he said softly, reaching out for you as you moved towards the bed. He didn’t want to stop saying it. He had two months worth to make up for. Even though he had said it on the phone and texted it to you every day, it wasn’t the same.

 Gently, you carded your fingers through his hair. It was longer than it had been when he left and with the scruff he looked older.

 “I missed you,” you murmured, crawling into his lap. His hands dipped beneath your t-shirt, feeling the soft skin of your back underneath his fingers.

 “How long are you planning on keeping the beard?” You asked, feeling it scratch over your skin as he buried his face in your neck.

 “How long would you like me to keep it?” He asked, his tone teasing. You pressed your hips down against his, giving yourself an inch more of pressure. Mat stifled a groan and you grinned to yourself.

 “I don’t know,” you hummed, “I wanna know what it feels like before you get rid of it.”

 Mat chuckled, kissing your neck once and then twice. He hooked your legs around his waist before he stood up and turned, leaning you back onto the bed as he hovered over you.

 “I guess I can keep it for a little while longer,” he said, teasingly running his chin along your neck and along your collarbone where your t-shirt had slipped down.

 “Mat,” you hummed, eyes closing and your head rolling to the side to allow him more access to your neck. He pressed sloppy, open mouthed kisses long the side of your throat. His movements were slow, for once in no rush. There was nowhere to be. No one was waiting on him. He could just be there with you.

 While his lips worked on your neck, his fingers pushed up beneath your t-shirt. Heavy were his hips between your legs, pushing you into the mattress as his weight rested above you. He sat back enough so that he could remove your shirt from your body and then his own hoodie in tandem with the shirt beneath it. It had been so long since his skin felt yours like this.

 He slipped his hand behind your back, undoing the clasp of your bra and then pulling it away. Mat dipped his head to connect his lips to your breasts, teeth biting your sensitive nipples.

 It wasn’t long before he had stripped down to his boxers and rid you of all your clothes, nestling between your legs. The roughness of his beard scratched along your inner thighs. It was an uncommon, nearly foreign feeling to you, and it had you nearly dripping for him. While you had missed the undoubted pleasure that came from Mat running his skilled tongue up your wet slit, lips wrapping around your clip as his teeth grazed over the sensitive bud, you had missed the intimacy of it all even more.

 Your fingers tangled in his hair to pull him closer and urge him to follow the pace you wanted. His tongue fucked into you as his nose brushed your clit, his cool breath fanning over your heat. You dug your heels into his back, wanting him close and closer still. Mat gripped your thighs, holding you still as best he could as he listened to your moans fill the room around him.

 There had been countless nights over the past few months where he heard those moans through his phone, muffled by static and feeling far away. And while they were beautiful all the same, this was so much better. Because you were there with him. The smell of your wetness flooded his senses and made him groan into you, eyes falling shut as he reveled in this.

 “Mat,” you whimpered above him, words sounding desperate and pleading, “Fuck, Mat-I-”

 You couldn’t form a coherent sentence, rocking your hips against his tongue to feel more friction. You were so close and the rough contrast of his beard to the softness of his tongue gave you the most delicious friction.

 “Feels so good baby,” you praised, “I missed this.”

 Mat pulled his tongue from you, chuckling to himself when a whine fell from your pretty mouth. He held heavy eye contact as he lifted his chin to brush it along your slit, extra attention on your throbbing clit. You attempted to squeeze your thighs together, eyes fluttering as you tried to hold his gaze.

 “Please,” you whimpered, “I need to cum.”

 “You like this?” Mat teased, continuing to run his chin along your aching heat.

 “Fuck yes please-please Mat,” you moaned when he applied more pressure on your clit.

 “You wanna cum on my face, pretty girl?” He asked, moving his lips to ghost over your heat once again.

 “Yes,” you moaned out, the word catching in your throat when he fucked his tongue into you again.

 It didn’t take much more for you to grip his hair tighter, back arching off of the mattress as you let the orgasm crash down on you. The best you’d had in months. Since he left.

 Mat kissed back up your body, catching your lips in his. You could taste yourself on him and his beard was wet from your juices, coating your chin.

 “So how much do you really like the beard?” He asked once you’d caught your breath, dropping himself onto the bed beside you.

 “I love it,” you said, resting your chin on his chest, “I think it’s just different. But I love you both ways.”

 “Good because it’s starting to get really scratchy,” he frowned, running his hand over it for emphasis.

 “That’s what I love about it,” you teased, pressing a kiss on his chest. Mat laughed,

 “I bet.”

 “Can I shave it for you?” You asked. Mat glanced down at you, surprised at your request. You had been too scared to give him a haircut during the quarantine and once his hair had gotten too long he was forced to trust his sister with the scissors.

 But how could he say no?

 “Yeah, as long as you don’t slit my throat,” Mat grinned. You rolled your eyes but the smile toying on your lips betrayed you.

 “You know what I wanna do?” Mat said suddenly, his voice barely above a whisper as he traced his fingers up and down your arm.

 “Hmm?”

 “Let’s take a bath,” he said, “And let’s get wine drunk. We haven’t done that in a while.”

 You smiled against his bare chest. The idea was all too inviting. And he was right. You hadn’t done this in a while.

 For most of quarantine you had stayed with his family just to give yourselves time with family and to keep from going completely stir crazy with just the two of you in the summer cabin. It had left you with little time alone and now that you were back together, and alone, it felt like the perfect time to indulge in each other’s presence the best way you knew how. Or...the second best way. You’d already completed the first.

 “Am I shaving your beard before or after the wine?” You asked with a mischievous grin.

 “Before,” Mat laughed, “Long before. First on the list, before you even think about opening a bottle.”

 You laughed, gently kissing his chest once again.

 “Do we have wine?” You asked, pushing up on your elbows.

 “Why don’t you check the fridge baby?” Mat grinned, gently squeezing your side, “I’ll run the bath.”

 You slipped from beneath the sheets, grabbing your robe to throw on for the time being. Even though it was just you and Mat you felt strange walking around the house completely naked. Especially with the big windows.

 Mat waited until you were well down the hall before he kicked the sheets off of himself.

 While he let the bath water run he rummaged through his dresser drawer, pushing aside the socks he’d left behind. His fingers brushed over the velvet box that was tucked at the back, his heart doing a backflip in his chest as he smiled to himself. It was still there.

 “So we have two options,” you said, voice startling Mat as you neared the bedroom once again. He moved away from the drawer and made his way towards the door as you entered with two bottles of red in your hand.

 “I promise I won’t know the difference,” Mat assured you, blindly plucking one from your hand. You pouted briefly, causing him to sigh exasperatedly and carefully choose the other one instead. A smile overtook your features and you pressed a kiss on his cheek before disappearing once again.

 When you rejoined him in the bathroom he was already leaning against the sink, razor in his hand.

 “Please be careful, baby,” Mat pleaded as he extended it to you along with a bottle of shaving cream. You offered him a reassuring smile, pushing up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss before getting to work.

 “Do you trust me?” You teased, standing between his legs and letting your hips rest against his. Mat’s hands found your waist, wanting to undo the tie on your silk robe and push it away. He might’ve but he also wanted this beard gone so it would have to wait.

 “Of course, mon amour,” he murmured. His voice was low and soft and you felt it all the way down in your core. With a very gentle hand you applied shaving cream to his face before taking as steady of a hand as you could muster and beginning your work on ridding him of this playoff beard.

 Mat’s gaze was heavy as he watched you work. You had your brows furrowed in concentration, bottom lip between your teeth as you moved slowly.

 “You-” Mat began to speak but you pulled your hand away from him.

 “Shh!” You hissed, “You can’t speak!”

 Mat laughed, some of the shaving cream falling from his chin and onto his chest. You took a moment to rinse the razor before starting again.

 “Sorry,” Mat mumbled. Even with the scent of the shaving cream filling his senses he could still catch a waft of your honey shampoo. Everything about you felt like coming home. His heart did another flip in his chest.

 All too soon you were fully stepping away from him and rinsing the razor off, wetting a washcloth so you could wipe him clean. Before you could reach up to wash off his face Mat was pressing his lips against your forehead.

 “Thank you baby,” he mumbled, a smile evident on his lips as he left a trace of white foam on your forehead. You pouted up at him, wiping it off with your fingers and rubbing it across his cheekbone. Mat reached back for the can and filled his entire hand, reaching out for your face.

 “Mathew no!” You caught his wrist, trying to muscle him away from you but between his hockey strength and your laughter, you were no match for him. He managed to smear it across your face, his infamous cackle echoing through the house.

 Revenge and a few minutes later the bathroom was certainly messier than it had been when you started and the bath was on the verge of getting cold.

 “We made such a mess,” you laughed, rinsing your face off in the sink after twisting your hair up in a clip. Mat smirked at you through the mirror,

 “We’ll make plenty more tonight.”

 You swatted his chest but he tugged you into him, bringing your lips together with his forefinger and thumb on your chin. His tongue swiped along your bottom lip and you granted him access easily, letting out a contented sigh against him. Your hands slid around his waist, feeling his warm skin beneath your palms.

 “We should get in the bath,” Mat mumbled against you. You nodded, hooking your thumbs on his boxers and pushing them to the ground easily. Mat tugged lightly on the tie of your robe and let the material fall away from your body. His large hands came to push it off of your shoulders, goosebumps erupting across your skin. He admired the marks he had left not long ago.

 He climbed into the tub first before helping you in so that you could settle between his legs. His eyes caught on your left hand, smiling to himself when he thought about how different it would look by the end of the night.

 The two of you sat there in silence for a while, each nursing a glass of wine as the bubbles floating around the two of you. You rested back against his chest, nestling your face in his neck while one of his hands caressed your side.

 “I love you,” you whispered. You weren’t entirely sure if Mat was awake. His eyes were closed and his breathing was steady but when you whispered those three words to him a smile spread across his face. He peered down at you, leaning down to kiss you again.

 “I don’t ever want to be away from you for that long again,” Mat said, “I think even if we had won the cup it wouldn’t have felt quite the same without you there.”

 You leaned into him more.

 “And I can’t even imagine what it would have been like if we had a baby girl for me to come home to as well,” Mat sighed.

 “What makes you so sure we’re having girls?” You laughed. Mat always referred to your future children as girls. And you knew he wanted a circus of them.

 “I just know. Maybe one boy though, since I can’t be around all the time,” Mat said, thinking aloud.

 You raised your eyebrows at him as he continued.

 “Definitely a boy first and then three girls,” he said, “I like the idea of having a mini me to look after my three girls.”

 “What about me?” You teased, “Who’s looking after me?”

 Mat chuckled,

 “When was the last time you needed anyone to look after you?”

 You laughed. Mat had a point. You were fiercely independent and you had made that clear from the very beginning of your relationship.

 “Besides,” Mat hummed, “That’s what I’m for.”

 “You do a pretty okay job,” you conceded, pressing a kiss against his jawbone. Mat finished off his wine and set his glass to the side.

 Mat was known for making rash decisions. He had no problem making a choice and just going with it. And while this decision was not one to be made lightly, it was one he had made a long time ago, it had always just been a matter of when and where. And right now, right here, felt like no better time.

 “I’ll be right back,” Mat said, sitting up. You turned to face him, confusion all over your pretty features as bubbles clung to your bare shoulders.

 “Where are you going?” You asked, watching him climb from the tub, water dripping across the bathroom floor.

 “Hang on,” Mat said.

 “Mathew you’re getting water everywhere!” You laughed, urging him to grab a towel. He wrapped it loosely around his waist, not even bother to tuck it as he clutched it with his hand, moving into the bedroom.

 Mat’s hands were shaking as he pulled open that same drawer, fingers brushing over the soft velvet once again. He was doing it. With your father’s blessing and all the love in the world for you he was going to do it.

 He opened the box and pulled the ring out. A single, square cut on a gold band. One you had been drooling over at the jeweler in New York. You didn’t want to admit that it was your favorite because of the heavy price tag but Mat was not oblivious to the way your eyes lingered on it as you tried on other styles and cuts.

 “Mat?” You called out to him. He was being awfully quiet, whatever he was doing. When he rounded the corner again he appeared empty handed but a smile spread across your face. It was the same smile you’d been wearing for him since the very beginning. Every room he walked into your eyes fell on him and you couldn’t stop yourself, even when your cheeks started to hurt.

 Mat’s breath caught in his throat when he stepped back into the bathroom. Your skin was glowing from the heat of the water and a few strands of hair had fallen from your clip. The ring was clutched in his palm as he knelt down beside the tub, resting his elbows along the edge.

 “What are you doing?” You asked, scooting closer to the edge and resting your chin on his hands.

 “Just looking at you,” Mat said. His pretty hazel eyes were tracing over your face. It was like he was trying to memorize this moment in time. You had seen that look before. More than once. It was the exact same look he had given you when he told you he loved you for the first time.

 “Mathew…” you trailed off, your heart jumping in your throat. Something in the energy of the room had shifted. Now him talking about children and the conversation with your father and the way Liana had prevented you from going outside all began to make sense.

 He hadn’t said anything yet but you could see it in his eyes.

 “Mat,” you said again, sitting up. You carded your fingers through his hair, hand ghosting over his chin as he wet his lips with his tongue. A smile toyed at the corners of his lips as he unfolded his hand. Your mouth dropped open as he held up the ring to you, pinched between his forefinger and thumb. Your fingers curled around his wrist, unable to believe that this was real

 “I was going to wait and do this in a few weeks with a much more extravagant show but I can’t wait. You mean the world to me and I don’t ever want to be without you. You’ve been there for me through some of the worst times and I want you to be there for all of the best times that I know are coming. And I want to give you everything that you deserve. I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to you and loving you and building a family with you.”

 Tears were welling up in your eyes, mirroring the glassy look of his own.

 “Y/N,” Mat whispered, not trusting his voice to remain steady, “Will you marry me?”

 You barely let him finish the question before you were giving a resounding yes, pulling him into the bath with you, towel and all, water spilling over the tub at the sudden movements. He carefully slipped the ring onto your finger and you draped your arms around his neck, settling yourself in his lap as you cupped his face with your hands.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

 Each whisper of love was punctuated with a kiss against his lips, though you were both smiling so wide that you could barely feel them against yours. Mat brushed his nose against yours, his thumb sweeping away the stray hairs that had fallen over your forehead.

 “I’m sorry I couldn’t wait,” he mumbled. You lifted your eyes to meet his, the smile on your lips never faltering.

 “All I ever want is you, Mat,” you assured him, “I don’t need a big gesture when there’s nothing louder than my love for you.”

 Mat kissed you again, shifting so that he was on his knees then, wrapping your legs around his hips. Before you could protest he was lifting you from the tub, the warmth of the water leaving you as he carried you as carefully as possible into the bedroom. This time you didn’t scold him for the trail of water that was soaking into the carpet.

 Mat set you down on the bed, both of your wet and naked bodies rubbing against each other as he held himself over you.

 “We’re getting married, baby,” he grinned, a laugh vibrating through his body. You brushed his hair off of his forehead, letting your hands come to rest on the back of his neck.

 “We’re getting fucking married,” you smiled. Mat couldn’t get enough of that smile. The one that reached all the way to your eyes, making your entire face glow brighter than the sun.

 “Fucking married,” he repeated. No more words were exchanged as he brought his lips to yours, this time for real. You had shared many heated kisses over the years but this one was different. You needed each other in every sense of the word.

 Mat grinded his hips down against yours, swallowing the moan that left your lips. He trailed his lips down your neck, biting and sucking gently as he went.

 “Mat,” you whined, “Please.”

 He dipped his hand to run his fingers along your folds, spreading your wetness around and slipping his fingers into your pussy.

 You gasped, digging your nails into his shoulders, bringing him into you.

 “God I love you,” Mat murmured, lifting his eyes to meet yours.

 “I love you so much,” you sighed, moving your hand down to take his hard length in your hand. You needed him inside you. It had been too long and you didn’t want to wait any longer.

 “How do you want it baby?” Mat asked, teasing your slit with the head of his cock.

 “Like this,” you said, “I want you to look me in the eyes while you make love to me.”

 Mat nearly came at your words. He swallowed thickly, eyes fluttering weakly as he pushed into you. Your own fingers had nothing on the feeling of his hard length brushing along your walls. A desperate, high pitched moan slipped past your lips at the sensation.

 “Fuck,” Mat groaned, forcing himself to keep his eyes open, “You’re so tight.”

 He found a slow, steady pace. Just as he had earlier, he was taking his time.

 “I’ve missed this,” you sighed. Mat pushed your knee to your chest, hitting a deeper angle that had you biting down hard on your bottom lip.

 “God I’ve missed this pussy,” Mat grunted, his head dropping forward. You pulled him down to you again, his chain swinging across your face as you brought his lips to yours. His tongue tangled with yours while your fingers tangled in his hair. Every inch of his body that you could get you wanted.

 He pressed his thumb against your clit, rubbing slow, heavy circles. It took everything in you to keep your eyes open. So badly you wanted to let them close and throw your head back against the pillows, just let yourself feel. But you weren’t going to look away from him.

 You could feel his cock twitch, his thrusts losing their steady pace as he came closer to the edge. Your pussy fluttered around him as you chased your own high.

 “Mat, fuck,” you gasped, “I’m gonna cum.”

 “Yeah?” Mat said, his voice rough, “Gonna cum on my cock, baby?”

 You nodded, unable to form words as the orgasm began to wash over your body.

 “C’mon baby, you know how much I’ve missed it,” Mat encouraged you, stroking your g-spot with each thrust.

 You let your head fall back, body too weak to hold yourself up. Mat caught your jaw between his fingers and held your eye contact as he spilled into you. A string of profanity and moans fell from both your mouths as you came.

 “God damn,” Mat sighed, very gently pulling out. He caught the cum that dribbled out, teasingly spreading it along your tender pussy and over your clit. You sighed in content, wrapping your legs around his hips to prevent him from leaving you.

 “Let me get a towel,” Mat said, hands sliding along your thighs. You smiled up at him innocently,

 “What do you need a towel for?”

 Mat chuckled deeply, sinking to his knees and hooking your legs over his shoulders. His tongue dragged along your inner thighs, licking up every last drop before hovering over you again. His lips tasted like sex, moving against yours.

 Finally, he dropped onto the bed beside you, bringing you into his chest. You ran your palm over his chest, both of you admiring the shiny new ring that adorned your finger.

 “Looks good on you,” Mat smirked. You smiled to yourself, nodding in agreement.

 “I’m happy to have you home again,” you said softly.

 “I’m happy to be back,” Mat said, “This is everything I’ve been missing.”

 “We’re in this forever now, superstar,” you grinned, pushing up on your elbows so you could look at that pretty face, now clean shaven, cheeks flushed.

 “I know,” Mat grinned in excitement, “What are we gonna do with all this time together?”

 “We could start by cleaning up the mess we left in the bathroom?” You said, giving him a knowing look. Mat laughed, wrapping his arms around you tighter,

 “Tomorrow, baby, I have more things I wanna do with you here. And we still have the rest of the wine to get through.”

[allmidaddies]

party favors for you.

I.

There was a soft wooshing sound and then a small piece of crumpled up notebook paper bounced off of your glasses, falling onto the table in front of you. Before you could ask any questions there was another woosh of air and a second piece of paper hit your nose.

 Mat’s snicker gave him away as you lifted your head, glaring at him and lamely attempting to throw the paper back at him.

 “Stop it.”

 “But I’m bored,” Mat pouted in protest, leaning back in his chair. He had his feet stretched out so that they could rest against the chair that was beside you, wilted autumn leaves stuck to the bottom and now all over the floor. You had tried to get him to move his feet so you could put your backpack there but he was a stubborn pest. And it was really hard to argue with him when he looked as cute as he did. His hood was tugged up around his neck and the joggers he was wearing had fit maybe a size smaller than he should have purchased but you were not complaining.

 The straw in his hand was undoubtedly the tool he was using just a few seconds previous. In fact, he was loading it up again as you watched him.

 “You should really study, our midterm is on Friday,” you said, reaching out and snatching the straw from his unsuspecting fingers.

 “Hey!” Mat began to protest, reaching over the table to grab it but the stern look he received from the girl sitting just a table over from the two of you in the library made him sit back in defeat. You smiled proudly, throwing it in the trash can that was just within your reach.

 “You,” Mat said, a grin on his face, “Are no fun.”

 His fingers came to run through his soft hair as it fell over his forehead.

 “I don’t think that’s true,” you hummed, turning your attention back to your laptop, reaching blindly for your coffee. It was a bit late in the day to be having an iced latte but you needed it. You were copying the notes you had taken in class into an organized study guide, attempting to give yourself a chance at passing the upcoming exam. Which, by the way, Mat was also supposed to be studying for but instead he had been making tiny spitballs for the last thirty minutes.

 You and Mat had met only a few weeks ago. The first day of fall term he sat himself down in the empty seat beside you in your 8 am business law lecture, later on nominating himself to be your partner for the term long project.

 “Is this seat taken?” A low, rough voice to your left asked. It belonged to a tall, tired boy who had a coffee cup dwarfed by his large hand, tufts of dark brown hair sticking out from the hood he had tugged over his head. He startled you, your mind still foggy as your own coffee hadn’t quite kicked in yet.

“What? Yeah, no-” you stumbled over your words, “Sorry, I meant, no, no one is sitting there. It’s all yours.”

The boy standing over you grinned, chuckling to himself as he dropped his backpack onto the ground. You didn’t miss the logo that was printed on it: UVIC Hockey 13. Interesting. You didn’t know any hockey players. To be quite honest you didn’t know any student athletes at all. Sure you recognized them but personally you couldn’t call any of them friends.

“Coffee hasn’t kicked in yet, eh?” He asked, nodding towards your drink. You smiled, laughing softly,

“No. And I’m not entirely convinced that this is going to be enough.”

“Mat, by the way,” he stuck his hand out to you by means of introduction.

“Y/N.”

His hand was warm and calloused, engulfing your own as he shook it firmly. His eyes lingered on your face for a moment before he pulled his attention away to retrieve his laptop. You couldn’t help but peer over at his screen to see that his background was a picture of him and a few of his teammates, dressed and ready for a game.

“So hockey?” You asked softly. You were well aware that there were not many students in the classroom yet and you didn’t need anyone eavesdropping your conversation.

“Yeah,” Mat said and for a moment you didn’t think he was going to say anything else but then he looked over at you again, a bright smile on his face.

“You a fan?”

“I try to keep up but if you asked me to name five players on my favorite team I couldn’t tell you,” you admitted. That was the thing you hated about men who liked sports. They always wanted you to pass some sort of unspoken test before you were deemed a legitimate fan.

“I won’t make you do that,” Mat laughed, “But I will ask who your favorite team is.”

“I know I should say the Canucks since they’re the closest team but it’s actually the Islanders,” you confessed, mindlessly opening your laptop and creating a new folder for your class.

Mat started laughing, it was muffled as he pulled his hoodie over his mouth to silence himself but it earned your attention.

“What? Are you going to tease me for my team choice? I know they haven’t made it to the finals in like two decades but I am loyal to my team,” you defended.

“No,” Mat spoke through laughter, “You just-you must really not keep up much.”

You furrowed your brows, feeling slightly offended.

“I was drafted by them,” Mat said. There was no cockiness or ego behind his words, only humor from the situation. You were an Islanders fan and yet you had no idea that you were sitting in your 8 am lecture with their first round draft pick.

“Oh my god you were!” You exclaimed, your voice carrying and receiving looks from the other students in the room.

“Sorry,” you mumbled against your palm as you covered your mouth, “Sorry I guess I didn’t recognize you. Your hair was shorter...and you had less facial hair.”

You gestured towards the faint stubble he had going on, his hand subconsciously coming up to scratch it.

“Well it’s been a few years,” he shrugged.

“I’ll be able to tell my dad I sat next to the Mat Barzal in my lecture and I let him borrow my laptop charger,” you said. It was Mat’s turn to look confused,

“Laptop charger?”

“Your laptop is going to die,” you said, nodding towards the icon that showed he only had about a 9% charge.

“How do you know I don’t have a charger?” Mat asked, eyeing you closely.

“Do you?” You challenged. Mat frowned, his voice dropping,

“No.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head, and digging for your own,

“You men are so predictable.”

II.

The past few weeks had been nothing but cold and wet so when the sun decided to come out for the weekend you had suggested to Mat that the two of you go grab coffee and breakfast. It was already three weeks into the term and you were anxious to get started on the project you had been assigned in your shared class.

 On the second day of lectures your professor had asked everyone to pair up so that you could get started on the case study project he was assigning. Mat had leaned over and asked which case you wanted to do before you even had the opportunity to glance around the room. Not that you were opposed to working with him, you just hadn’t expected him to choose you to work on the project with. Given the fact you had only known him for a few days.

 It worried you a bit that he had such a busy schedule with hockey games and practice, not allowing the most flexibility for working on a big project. So, he had told you this weekend he didn’t have any games and just a few afternoon practices. Your suggestion for a breakfast study session had been met with much resistance on his part but you were not taking no for an answer.

 Despite his unwillingness to be up before ten am on a weekend, he was early to pick you up. And now the two of you were sitting on the sidewalk downtown, each with coffee and breakfast sitting before you.

 Your nose was buried in your laptop, unaware that Mat was staring at you. He had his laptop open, a pen between his fingers that he was mindlessly twirling around as he admired the way the sun was hitting your face. The bun you’d thrown your hair into tilted to the side, baby hairs blowing across your forehead in the breeze.

 It amazed him how motivated and studious you were. He was motivated when it came to hockey but he struggled to remain focused on his school work for more than an hour at a time. And he always saved everything for the last minute. When he had chosen you to be his partner for this assignment he hadn’t done so with the intention that you would shoulder most of the work but with his busy schedule he couldn’t help but fall short more often than not.

 It made him feel bad because you were so nice and so sweet, assuring him that it was not a big deal and you didn’t mind.

 “So,” you spoke up, snapping Mat from his trance. He blinked twice, running his fingers through his hair.

 “Yeah?”

 “What do you think of that?” You asked, speaking slowly and looking at him inquisitively. Mat blushed,

 “I wasn’t listening.”

 “Mathew,” you frowned. He gave a sheepish smile,

 “I’m sorry. I’m tired.”

 “Excuses, excuses, Barzal,” you teased, sitting up and reaching over to flip open his textbook.

 “I was just saying that we should do something like this case study,” you repeated. Mat nodded, watching your fingers dance across the page as you spoke. He was listening this time. Everything you said sounded so intelligent and he didn’t understand how you could absorb and interpret some of the information so easily. He could read the same passage a hundred times over, only to feel more confused as he went while his eyes begged to fall shut. But you, he could listen to you talk about piercing the corporate veil all day long.

 “Honestly,” Mat chuckled, “You know better than I do. I don’t know how you understand any of this stuff.”

 You laughed, taking a sip of your coffee,

 “The same way you can look at the plays your coach tells you to run and understand what the hell he’s talking about. And then execute it. It just takes patience and practice.”

 Mat rubbed his hands over his face, sitting up straighter,

 “Okay. Explain it to me again. Like I’m twelve.”

 “Like you’re twelve...or like you’re four?” You grinned, earning an eye roll and a laugh from Mat as he threw his napkin at you.

 “I’m not that stupid,” he pouted. You smiled, looking at him for a moment. His hair was falling over his forehead, the sun making it look shinier than usual. Even though it was a little chilly, he was still in just a grey t-shirt but it complimented his skin tone and fit across his shoulders like a dream.

 “I didn’t say you were stupid, Barzy,” you said, “Because you’re not. You’re just wired differently. Maybe business law isn’t your calling, but hockey is. And that’s why you got drafted, and that’s why you’re going to play in the NHL once you’re done with your time here. And until you go, I’m going to help you pass this class.”

 After only knowing him for a few weeks you still felt a punch in your gut every time you thought about him leaving for New York. He said he didn’t know when he might call his college career quits and you dreaded the day it came. Even if he was a pain to study with, and you were doing most of the heavy lifting on this project, you enjoyed spending time with him.

 And when you watched the smile spread across his face you couldn’t help but think he enjoyed spending time with you too.

 III.

You were planning on pulling a late night at the library. There was no upcoming deadline for anything but you wanted to get ahead on some classwork. With Halloween the next weekend you didn’t want to have any homework preventing you from having a fun weekend of dressing up with your friends and going out to the bars.

 And just as you were settling into your market analysis coursework your phone started ringing. Obnoxiously loud for the quiet floor of the library.

 “Sorry,” you whispered to the students who glared in your direction. You scrambled to silence the ringing before looking at the name that was flashing across your screen.

 Mat Barzal

Confusion crossed your features. Didn’t he have a game tonight?

 “Hello?” You answered quietly, getting up and moving away from the tables so as to not distract the other students.

 “Hey can- why are you whispering?” Mat asked, a quiet laugh falling from his lips.

 “I’m in the library,” you said. Mat almost rolled his eyes. He should have known. You were always at the library. He told you every day that you studied too hard, to which you always retorted that he just didn’t study enough. And while Mat couldn’t exactly argue with that he did believe you spent too much time with your nose buried in your studies.

 “Oh…” Mat trailed off.

 “Why? Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for a game?” You asked.

 “Yeah but I left my airpods in class today and I need them so I can go do my thing. You didn’t happen to grab them, did you?” He asked, his tone hopeful.

 “Oh! Yeah! I figured I’d give them back to you tomorrow,” you said, “But I have a feeling you need them now?”

 “Uh…” Mat hesitated, “Yeah… but if you’re studying I don’t want to interrupt, it’s okay.”

 “Mat,” you laughed, “I can bring them to you. I’m not going to let this superstition be the thing that makes you guys lose tonight.”

 Mat laughed, thinking back to a few days before when he had explained, in great detail, all of his superstitions. One of them being his ritual of sitting on the bench and visualizing for at least twenty minutes before every game prior to getting ready.

 “You’re an angel,” Mat sighed. Your heart fluttered at his words but you pushed the feeling away,

 “Just tell me where to go. I can come now.”

 The cold October wind pierced right through the UVIC hoodie you were wearing as you walked to the arena. In all honesty you weren’t sure you had ever been to a hockey game apart from the one you had come to with your dad during Family Weekend your freshman year. Long before you knew Mat.

 As you reached the bottom of the stairs that led into the basement, towards the locker rooms, you found Mat. He was leaning against the wall, waiting for you. There was a hat covering his hair and he already had KT tape running up his thighs, which were largely exposed by the compression shorts he was wearing.

 “You are a lifesaver,” Mat said, wrapping you in a hug as you handed him the small, white charging holder. Your arms found their way around his waist, feeling his hard muscles beneath your fingers.

 “I tried catching you after class but your legs are much longer than mine,” you teased, looking up at him. He still hadn’t released you from his hold but you didn’t mind. He smelled good, and his hoodie was soft against your cheek.

 “I really appreciate this,” Mat said. He paused like he might say something else. You leaned back to get a better look at his face, eyebrows raised.

 “What?”

 “Well,” Mat said slowly, “I was just thinking since I already interrupted your studying you should just stay for the game.”

 You bit the inside of your cheek. It was a long walk back to the library. And there was less than an hour until the game started. If you texted your roommates you were sure at least one of them would come and sit with you. They had listened to you gush about Mat for nearly two months now and you were sure they were dying to see him in person.

 “You don’t have to,” Mat said quickly, noting your hesitancy. It made his heart drop just a bit but he tried not to let it get to him.

 “No, it’ll be fun,” you assured him, catching the hint of sadness that flashed through his eyes.

 “And if you hang around after the game we can get food or something,” Mat said. You couldn’t fight the smile on your face as you nodded.

 “Okay.”

 “Is that all it takes?” Mat laughed, “A promise for food?”

 “Maybe,” you grinned, leaning into him once again. Mat hugged you tighter for a second before releasing you.

 “Okay, well I need to go...do my thing...but I’ll see you after?”

 You nodded, backing away slowly until you hit the door,

 “Good luck superstar.”

 Mat laughed, shaking his head,

 “Thank you.”

 ~

 It had been a long time since you had watched a hockey game in person. When you were growing up your family would go watch the Canucks whenever the Islanders came to town. College was certainly a different experience but you were so focused on Mat you hardly noticed anything else.

 “Will you stop drooling?” Maria laughed, bumping her knee against yours. Two of your roommates had come to your rescue, accompanying you for the game so you didn’t have to sit alone.

 “I’m not,” you hissed, glancing over your shoulder. You didn’t doubt that there were other girls around who couldn’t keep their eyes off of Mat either. Someone as attractive as him surely had no problem getting laid so it wouldn’t surprise you if you weren’t the only girl there to see him.

 Even though most of Mat’s free time was spent with you, you didn’t know what he was really doing when he claimed he was busy. And you tried not to let it bother you. Especially since you were just friends, project partners really.

 “He definitely left his airpods on purpose,” Kate said, leaning over you so that Maria could hear her too.

 “He did not,” you scoffed. The thought had definitely crossed your mind. How did he even forget them? They had been sitting right there on the table when he said bye to you after class. And how did he not notice they were missing all day? Your lecture was at 8 in the morning. These were all questions you had been running through since you sat down on the hard bleachers.

 Kate and Maria shared a glance but they didn’t say anything more. They didn’t get the chance because you were practically jumping out of your seat when Mat scored a goal, allowing UVIC to take the lead.

 And you swore you saw him look up at the stands, his eyes searching for you, a smile spreading across his face when he spotted you, just as his teammates attacked him with hugs.

 “Definitely on purpose,” Kate mumbled.

 After the game Kate and Maria slipped off, telling you they’d see you at home. “Or not!” Maria had shouted as you started to make your way back down to the hallway Mat had told you to meet him in.

 You tried to tell yourself that him asking you to stay for the game meant nothing, but there were butterflies in your stomach at the prospect of getting food with him afterwards.

 “Hey,” Mat’s voice startled you, just as it had that first day of class. He had just emerged from the locker room, back in his suit he had been wearing before the game.

 “Nice goal,” you smiled, accepting the hug he pulled you into. The entire thing felt so domestic and you wished you got to do this all the time.

 “I had extra luck in the stands tonight,” Mat grinned, his eyes scanning your face. For a moment it looked like he wanted to kiss you but his teammates burst through the doors.

 A chorus of  “Good game Barzy!” ruined whatever soft moment the two of you were having. Mentally you cursed each of the shaggy haired boys that came through the hall but you didn’t miss the looks they were all giving Mat as they passed. He kept a protective arm around your shoulders, as if he was afraid one of them might try and steal you away. Gently you curled your fingers around the material of his suit jacket, earning his attention once again.

 “So what’s that for?” You asked, nodding towards the object he was holding in his free hand. Mat’s cheeks flushed, and it wasn’t the post game glow.

 “It’s a puck,” he said, “I saved it for you. You know, for your first hockey game.”

 He handed it to you tentatively and you let your fingers brush over his as you took it from him,

 “Thank you,” you smiled up at him before a teasing grin took over your features, “But this isn’t my first hockey game. I thought you knew that.”

 Mat rolled his eyes playfully,

 “I know. But, it’s your first game coming to watch me play.”

 You had no argument for that and your body felt warm as you brushed your thumb over the face of the puck.

 “Is this the one you scored a goal with?” You asked quietly. Mat opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, though the blush in his cheeks and the way he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly told you that it was. Before he could muster up the words his coach came out into the hallway.

 “Good game tonight Barzal,” he said, his eyes falling to you for a moment. There was a question in his expression but he didn’t say anything, simply giving a nod and a goodnight to you both before he disappeared and the two of you were alone again.

 You decided to save the awkward conversation for another time, glancing up at him again,

 “Let’s go get food, yeah?”

 IV.

After your unofficial post game “not a date” date with Mat you didn’t see him for a while. He was on a week-long road trip to some schools out of the conference on the east coast. It didn’t mean, though, that you weren’t still in touch with him every day.

 Mostly it was you sending him snapchats, complaining about how boring the lecture was without him making side comments the entire time. Even though your notes were much more thorough without his distractions.

 But, it was also him begging to FaceTime late in the evening after games because he couldn’t figure out how to do the homework. Oftentimes it wasn’t even for the class you were taking together. His accounting class was giving him a major headache and he turned to you for help rather than taking advantage of the athletic tutors he had access to.

 “Mat you know there are people who are paid to help you right?” You teased, propping your phone up as you sat at your desk. Mat rolled his eyes,

“You could be one of those people, and then you could get paid to hang out with me.”

“But I would also have to put up with other people who are not you and I don’t want to do that,” you said. It was a silent confession but you weren’t sure if Mat picked up on it.

“So I’m special?” Mat grinned. It was your turn to roll your eyes,

“Don’t get a big head on me now, Barzal.”

You half expected him to text you to hang out or study when they got back into town on Saturday but when he didn’t you let your roommates convince you to go out to the bars with them. As bad as your crush on Mat had become, you needed to see what other options there were in your college town.

 Which is why you were now donning a lace bodysuit and jeans, leaning against the bar as the ice melted in your now drained glass. The pickings were...slim. All you’d had a frat guy come occupy the barstool beside you for nearly twenty minutes, explaining to you the importance of brotherhood, and it wasn’t until his girlfriend came and dragged him away that you could get him to leave you alone.

 She had apologized profusely, saying he tended to talk too much to strangers when he was drinking. You told her not to worry about it.

 All you really wanted was for Mat to be the person you came out with on the weekends. You had a strong feeling he was a good time when he was drinking.

 As if you had manifested his presence into your life, a figure moved into your peripheral that looked all too familiar.

 “So you have a life outside the library,” Mat’s voice was low and teasing in your ear, sending chills down your spine. His hand was pressed against your lower back and you leaned into him, turning your head so you could look at his face. His skin was glowing from the heat of the bar and the drinks he had undoubtedly consumed before running into you.

 “I’m surprised it took you this long to find me,” you smirked, finally turning and pressing your palms against his chest. The t-shirt he had on did little to separate your hands from his hard chest. The thought of what he was hiding beneath his clothes had you squeezing your thighs together. Especially when his hands dared to travel lower as he brought you into him further.

 “Let me get you a drink,” he said, nodding towards the bar. You nodded, glancing back towards your friends to see them giving you thumbs up. You flipped them off before turning all of your attention back to Mat, falling into conversation with him.

 “So, your coach finally gave you guys the night off?”

 “About time,” Mat groaned, running his fingers through his hair.

 “Well I’m glad you’re out, I’m starting to think you spend more time inside that rink than I do inside the library,” you teased.

 “Which is saying a lot,” Mat pinched your side playfully. The bartender set down your drinks but before you could even swallow the sip you took of whatever he had ordered you a hand gripped Mat’s shoulder, yanking him to turn around.

 “Hey Barzal!”

 Some drunk guy stumbled in front of him and Mat faced him as you watched over his shoulder.

 “What the hell?” Mat asked, stepping back to avoid being crashed into as the guy’s body swayed heavily.

 “You’re a stupid son of a bitch!” The guy said, pointing a finger at him. Your brows furrowed and you made a move to say something, never one to hold your tongue when you were drinking, but Mat caught your waist and pulled you back behind him protectively.

 “You fucked my girlfriend!” The guy said, “I know you did and you think you’re gonna get away with it but you’re just some stupid hockey player and I could kick your ass.”

 You tried to ignore the feeling of jealousy that crept into your chest at the thought of Mat hooking up with someone who wasn’t you. But you highly doubted Mat would ever be a home-wrecker. He wasn’t that kind of guy. Maybe you were naive to think it but you had a pretty good idea of who he was, and it wasn’t that.

 “I didn’t fuck your girlfriend,” Mat scoffed. He wanted to say he hadn’t been fucking anyone since he met you but he wasn’t about to announce that to the entire bar.

 “I don’t know if you’re been smashed into the boards too many times but you did you toolbag,” the guy said, giving Mat a sturdy shove to the chest. Mat was very obviously taller, stronger, and broader than the guy in front of him but the alcohol in the man’s veins was not allowing him to realize that.

 “I don’t even know who you are or who your girlfriend is,” Mat laughed, “But I promise I didn’t screw her. I’m not that desperate.”

 “Excuse me?” The guy chuckled darkly, “What did you just say?”

 “I’m not so desperate to get laid that I need to fuck girls with boyfriends you idiot,” Mat said, rolling his eyes. It was clear this guy wasn’t going to let it go even though Mat knew he hadn’t done anything wrong.

 Your eyes went wide as you watched the drunk guy shove Mat again. This time Mat retaliated, nearly knocking him on his ass with a single push. Mat turned to take your arm and guide you outside but just as his fingers grazed your wrist your eyes went wide.

 “Mat!”

 A beer glass connected with the side of his head, the contents spilling all over your shirt and jeans before shattering on the ground at your feet. Mat reached up to touch his cheekbone, his fingers coming away bloody. His eyes went dark and he turned back towards the asshole who had thrown it. With no warning Mat swung, knocking the guy to the ground.

 “You better consider yourself lucky that this is all I’m handing you tonight,” Mat said as he leaned over him, “Don’t try to start shit with me again unless you have your facts crystal clear.”

 “Mat,” you tugged his arm, pulling him back and ushering him towards the door. There was blood running down the side of his face where the beer glass had broken the skin. It was already beginning to bruise as he took the bottom of his t-shirt and dabbed it gently.

 “Don’t touch it,” you tugged his hand away from his face. There was irritation in your tone and Mat came to a stop.

 “I’m sorry,” he said. You halted, turning to look at him. You’d made it to a street corner, the noise of the bar now in the distance. All that illuminated the area around you was a single street light but you could make out the guilt in his eyes.

 “Mat it’s not your fault,” you said, softening your tone.

 “But I shouldn’t have done that,” Mat nodded back towards the bar.

 “Maybe not,” you shrugged, “But he was the one who threw a fucking beer glass at your head. What were you supposed to do? Give him a hug?”

 Mat laughed softly, stepping towards you again and draping his arm around your shoulder.

 “C’mon, let’s go back to my place and I can clean that up for you. And we can come up with a cover story to tell your coaches.”

 Once you got back home you pulled Mat into the bathroom across from your room. Your roommates were still out so the house was quiet as Mat leaned back against the counter. He stripped himself of his t-shirt, complaining about how the beer had made it sticky.

 “Sorry about your shirt,” he said quietly. You barely glanced at him, afraid seeing him shirtless would be too much to handle.

 “It wasn’t your fault,” you said again. Mat sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

 “Seriously, Mat,” you said again, setting the hydrogen peroxide on the counter, “You don’t need to apologize for something you didn’t do.”

 Mat was quiet as you stood between his legs. His hands ghosted over your waist, chills spreading across your arms as you tried not to think about how close you were standing to him. You dabbed at the cut gently but Mat still hissed in pain all the same. Out of reflex, his grip on your waist tightened. The pads of his thumbs brushed over the exposed skin of your midriff causing your breath to catch in your throat.

 Mat glanced down at you, an overwhelming urge to kiss you beginning to take over.

 “Thank you,” Mat said quietly.

 “For what?” You asked, dropping the cotton ball in the trash and putting neosporin on a bandaid.

 “For everything,” Mat sighed, “I feel like you’re always helping me when you don’t have to.”

 You stared down at your hands, the admission on the tip of your tongue. You wanted so badly to tell him how you felt but the fear of scaring him away and losing the friendship that you had held you back.

 “I don’t mind,” you said, finally looking up at him. Gently you placed the bandaid over the cut, your eyes meeting his for a second. He wanted to say something, you could tell. But he didn’t. Instead, he simply placed his hand on the back of your neck and brought your forehead to his lips, leaving a soft kiss there. Your eyelids fluttered closed for a second before you pulled yourself away from him,

 “I’m going to go change. You can stay here tonight if you want.”

 + one

You were pacing nervously, fingers tapping against your chin as Mat watched you closely.

 “You’re going to wear down the carpet,” he teased gently. You stopped, turning to face him. It was clear in your expression that you were not in a laughing mood.

 “What’s wrong?” he asked. The two of you had been in his room for the past hour, writing up what you were going to say in the final presentation. You had put together the powerpoint slides with some help from Mat a few days earlier and now it was the night before the presentation and you were an anxious mess.

 “I can’t do this presentation, Mat,” you said, fidgeting with your hands.

 “Why not?” He asked.

 “Because,” you said, your voice cracking, “I’m so bad at presenting. I get nervous and I forget my words and I just go blank. I feel hot and nauseous and like I’m going to pass out.”

 Mat nodded, sitting on the edge of his bed with his elbows on his knees,

 “So it makes you anxious?”

 You nodded. It felt stupid. You were in college and you still couldn’t stand in front of a group of people and talk about something you had spent the entire term becoming an expert on. There wasn’t a thing you didn’t know about this case but as soon as you stepped in front of the room you knew you would forget everything. And not just everything about the project, everything you had ever learned in your life.

 “Just look at me,” Mat said, “Don’t look at the class. So we lose a few points on eye contact. I don’t care. The rest of the project is so good it won’t matter.”

 You laughed dryly,

 “See that’s the problem, Barzal.”

 Mat furrowed his brows. You rolled your eyes,

 “You make me nervous.”

 “Oh.”

 Mat looked at you again. There was panic in your eyes, both from the presentation and from the confession.

 “How about I just do the presentation? I don’t care. You basically did the entire project and I don’t mind standing in front of the class and presenting,” Mat shrugged. There was a small sinking feeling in your stomach when he didn’t address your comment but you decided to deal with that later.

 “Really?” You asked, “Are you sure because-”

 “You just write up what you want me to say and I can do it,” Mat assured you. A huge weight lifted from your shoulders as you sat down beside him again, pulling his laptop into your lap and opening a new word document.

 Mat watched you closely, vaguely listening to the words you were speaking. Had you just confessed that you like him? As in...you reciprocated the feelings he had been hiding for nearly ten weeks now? He wanted to ask you about it but the last thing he wanted to do was give you more anxiety right before this presentation.

 Later, he promised himself, later.

 A heavy arm draped across your shoulders as you stepped out into the brisk December air. Frost covered the ground, causing you to pull your coat around your body closer.

 “Good job,” Mat said, smiling down at you.

 “Thank you so much for doing that,” you said, mirroring his expression.

 You had just wrapped up your business law class, presentation now complete. Mat had taken the lead, giving you just one easy slide so you could get credit for being there. It may have been cheating the system a little bit, since all you did was introduce yourself and the case, but you didn’t care. You spent the rest of the presentation watching Mat, feeling proud at how well he did considering just a few months ago he was afraid he wouldn’t even be able to pass the class.

 Granted, you had written the majority of the presentation, but he still managed to answer all the questions your professor had asked with ease and the same amount of detail you would have given.

 “You’re more than just a pretty boy, Barzy, I’m impressed,” you teased, wrapping your arm around his waist and giving him a gentle squeeze.

 “I don’t know what excuses I’m going to use next term to get you to hang out with me,” Mat sighed dramatically. You laughed, rolling your eyes.

 “I’m always open for study dates, even if they aren’t for the same class,” you said. Immediately after the word date left your mouth you wanted to take it back. After Mat had said nothing of your small confession the night before you didn’t want to scare him away.

 “Oh!” Mat said, breezing past it, “That reminds me.”

 “Hmm?”

 “I owe you, you know for practically carrying this project all term and sitting through more hockey games than you probably wanted to,” Mat said, referencing the fact that after that first game you had found yourself going to home games more often than before. If just to see Mat for a few minutes afterwards when he walked you to your car.

 “Mat I told you I don’t mind,” you said.

 “Then you won’t mind me buying you a coffee before your next class,” Mat said easily, “You have time.”

 This was true. You had a final at 11 but it was only 9:16, presentations having wrapped up quickly.

 “Don’t you have practice?” You countered. Mat shook his head,

 “Not until tonight. Schedule is different during finals.”

 “Okay,” you conceded, letting Mat lead you to the shop just off of campus.

 You ended up sitting in the shop for longer than you intended. Time seemed to disappear whenever you were with Mat. He had been telling you some dramatic, ridiculous story about their last away game, laughing until your sides were aching. It made you want him even more. But you were starting to think that maybe friends would have to be enough.

 You glanced down at your phone, realizing you only had thirty minutes until your final.

 “I have to go,” you said, interrupting Mat. His face dropped.

 “Does this mean I’m not going to see you until after the Christmas break?”

 Fuck. You hadn’t even thought of that.

 “I don’t know, I leave on Friday,” you said. You gathered your things, feeling your heart sink as Mat set both your empty cups on the dish tray.

 “I don’t leave until next week,” Mat said, “We should do something.”

 You tried to resist the smile that toyed at your lips. It was a good sign that he wanted to see you even though your project was over.

 “You can teach me how to ice skate.”

 “You don’t know how to ice skate?” Mat laughed as he pushed the door open, holding it for you.

 “In my defense my parents never took me,” you said, holding your hands up in surrender.

 “Lucky for you I have the keys to the rink so I might be able to arrange a lesson,” Mat said.

 The rest of your walk back to campus was quiet, both of you deep in your thoughts.

 Mat didn’t want to leave for Christmas break without telling you how he felt. And if you didn’t feel the same way it wasn’t like you still had to finish your project together. But, if your lingering gazes and the hockey hoodie of his that was in your closet were any indications, he had a pretty good feeling that you felt the same way.

 Just as you reached the business building again, snow started falling from the sky. It was catching in Mat’s hair and on your eyelashes so he pulled you underneath the covered walkway. You still had a few minutes to spare and the last session of classes wasn’t out yet, leaving the two of you alone.

 A palpable tension formed between the two of you as you rested back against the brick wall, watching him shake snow from his hair.

 “C’mere,” you laughed, tugging his wrist so you could run your fingers through his hair and dust the snow off. Not that it mattered much since he would have to step out into it in a few minutes. Your eyes lingered on the faint scar he had just below his eye. It was almost completely healed and the bruise was mostly gone. Mat watched you closely, his chest nearly brushing yours as he stood with his feet on either side of your legs.

 He felt that overwhelming urge to kiss you that had come over him the night after the bar. Jis eyes were trained on your face, admiring every detail. He reached up gently, brushing the snow that had caught on your brow. His thumb grazed over your cheek bone and he felt you lean into his touch ever so slightly.

 As soon as your hands dropped from his hair, Mat caught your chin between his forefinger and thumb and leaned in to kiss you. Though you were already practically chest to chest you melted into him further, palms coming to rest against his chest. Your fingers curled around the lapel of his coat, wanting something to hold onto. Something to ground you in the reality that this was actually happening.

 Mat pulled away first but he rested his forehead against yours, not wanting to go far,

 “Tell me if I’ve got this all wrong, but I really, really like you. And it’s not just because you help me all the time. I just like being around you. And I can’t help but think that maybe you like me too.”

 You couldn’t help but giggle at his words,

 “Why do you think I’m so eager to help you, Mat? I’m a nice person, but I wouldn’t do these things for just anybody.”

 “Oh.”

 “Yeah, ‘oh.’ There’s not a lot of people I would walk all the way across campus from the library to the arena for, just to give them their headphones,” you laughed.

 “Are there a lot of people you would say yes to a date with?” Mat asked cautiously.

 “Depends who’s asking,” you teased.

 “I’m asking,” Mat said. You tugged him down to you by his coat, lips ghosting over his,

 “For you...anything.”

 Mat grinned, closing the gap. This time his tongue swiped across your bottom lip, tangling with yours as he pulled you into him even more. Your arms draped around his neck, tangling in the hair at the back of his neck.

 When you pulled away you were both breathless, wide smiles on your lips.

 “You should go take your final,” Mat said.

 “It shouldn’t take me long,” you said, “Will you wait for me?”

 Mat didn’t have any finals left to take and his practice wasn’t until 7 that night. If you were willing to spend the rest of the day with him he would gladly take you up on that offer.

 “Okay,” he smiled, “I still owe you a few favors.”

 You breathed a laugh, shaking your head,

 “You don’t have-”

 “But I’m going to,” Mat interrupted, “I plan on making them all up to you. And then some.”

 ~

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