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allqxx · 4 months ago

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All in | Chapter 15.5 (Chan)

pairing: Lee Felix x f!reader (mafia au)

summary: You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you started dating Yang Jungwon, notorious mafia boss. Your life gets flipped upside down when you're found beaten and bloody by SKZ, the rival mafia group, and you're quickly integrated into their lives. What will happen when you try to leave your old life behind and start anew?

chapter summary: How did Chan come to join SKZ?

chapter warnings: depictions of childhood abuse

warnings: please see series masterlist for all warnings

series masterlist ~~ series taglist ~~ main masterlist

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Bang Chan:

People have always said that violence is a learned trait, that your child doesn’t just come out of the womb with no sense of morality and the desire to do evil. This is something I can attest to. I remember personally the first time I ever saw my father lay a hand on my mother.

When I was five years old, my father slapped my mother square in the face. And at the moment I wasn’t exactly sure what was happening or what I was feeling, but I knew that I loved both of my parents very much. I knew that hitting was bad, my parents told me that themselves–but then why would they engage in that very same act they told me that I should never do? I threw myself in front of my mother and told my father to stop. I had that innate desire to protect my own mother at that young age, even with a snotty nose and tear-streaked face, and though my own sense of right and wrong wasn’t completely developed yet, I knew it was wrong when my father hit me in retaliation. When I looked at my mother in awe, expecting her to say something or confirm that my father had just done a terrible thing, she had just turned a blind eye.

So no, I didn’t come out of the womb with the desire to do evil, but if you were to ask my father, he would have sworn up and down that I was the devil reincarnate. And I sort of felt that that’s who I needed to be–I was the oldest of four. My parents continued to have children when we certainly could not afford to have them and they shouldn’t have continued to have them. There’s always that rage as an older sibling, the one when you know you’re the one who’s going to have to take care of your siblings and protect them from your parents that’s indescribable to anybody who hasn’t experienced it.

So, whenever my father came home drunk and wanted to take out his anger on my siblings or my mother, I let him take it out on me instead. I encouraged it–and tried to become the target of his anger so that nobody else in my family would ever have to know what that feeling was like. I bore that burden all by myself when nobody asked me to and my father hated me for it. Countless nights I went to sleep beaten and bruised and likely concussed all to keep my family safe.

If you were to ask me what my childhood felt like, I would have told you that I felt utterly powerless and alone. Although every choice I made was my own, it never really felt like it was a choice. Because how could I just sit back and let that monster lay a hand on my own younger siblings who can’t stand up for themselves or protect themselves?

To begin with, my parents didn’t bring home a lot of money. My father did some sort of hard labor and my mother was a teacher. With four children, we were just barely scraping by most days. When I turned 14 years old, I picked up a part-time job on top of school in order to help out with funds.

When I was 15 years old, I caught my father cheating on my mother with a prostitute. I never was able to tell her what I saw. How could I? I loved my mother but she was very weak, fragile taking care of us four. She was already a shell of herself after putting up with my father’s physical abuse and drunkenness for years. I didn’t think she could handle the truth so I did not tell her.

My father finally stopped beating me after that–but somehow I still felt like he was the one with the upperhand.

One day when I was on my way home from work I heard some commotion in the alleyway outside of our house. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the whimpering lump of body I had come across was none other than my father who had been beaten to a pulp.

I saw him weak and vulnerable in front of me, the life slowly starting to drain from his body. He begged me, his eldest son and his ‘pride and joy’ to help him and give him a second chance. I didn’t have to ask him to explain himself to me, but as if he knew he were on his deathbed, he admitted all of his wrongdoings to me. The large amounts of money he’s been taking out and borrowing, gambling away, how he had lost his job months ago and they had threatened to take the house if he didn’t pay for his life.

“Oh shit, there’s a kid,” I had heard. A few men turned down the alleyway, holding bats and guns and a bag of cash. These were the men that had done this to my father. They made him look unrecognizable beyond repair.

“He’s probably going to beg for his daddy’s life,” one of them laughed.

“Me?” I blinked at the men, looking in between them and the form of flesh in the alleyway. “I was actually going to thank you. You’ve made this a hell of a lot easier on me.” And while my father was begging for his life, I bashed his skull in and felt good while doing it. And while the loan sharks watched, horrified but also a little bit impressed, I left my father in the alleyway as if he were just any other piece of trash. I would let the police find him and assume that all of his debts had finally caught up to him, and the crime would never be connected to me.

I never felt any remorse. Not when my mother and siblings mourned his death. Never,

When I was approached by the same men that had beaten my father, I thought for a moment that maybe they would want me to take on his debt and I was already thinking about thirty different ways I could kill them and never get caught. On the contrary, they were hoping I could join them and become a loan shark. At the time, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with myself at first–all I knew was that I wanted to make a lot of money. But I realized quickly that that wasn’t the only thing that I wanted to do, nor was that all I was capable of. If I played my cards correctly, I could rise the ranks quickly and gain a lot of power for myself. I knew I didn’t want to be someone at the bottom of the chain, but rather someone delegating responsibilities and handing out punishments.

I would weed out the weak and make the organization my own, in time. It would mean leaving my family behind–and I didn’t regret it, knowing that I’d be doing better things. I dropped out of school and never saw my family again, becoming a lackey for the same people my father owed money to. I spent years beating and killing people, proving myself within our own organization that I was worthy of being trusted, gathering my own people and intel and rising up in the ranks just as I wanted–until I killed the leader and took over his position.

It was here that I was able to reframe things the exact ways that I wanted. We became SKZ, known for our organized and violent crimes, and slowly but surely my hand dipped into almost every bar, casino, and nightclub in the city. My business handlings and financials grew exponentially, and it was as if I had everything I had ever wanted. I was at the top and I had all of the power.

Until I had met Yang Jungwon’s girlfriend, that is. When I had met with the opposing group ENHA for the first time, something about Y/N L/N drew me in in a way that I couldn’t explain, and she was temporarily out of my reach. I wasn’t below kidnapping or lying in order to get my hands on her, but it seemed I didn’t have to. It took two weeks of thoroughly watching her before Jungwon knocked her out–and I found her unconscious outside of ENHA’s bar. I immediately swooped in and rescued her, knowing that I could have her as my own and use her to my advantage to gain the upper-hand on the ENHA situation.

I had felt powerless a lot when I was a child, but that was because my father had made me feel that way. Now, I felt powerless around Y/N, and it was because of the way she made me feel… Like I wanted to never let her leave my sight, like I should leave her trapped where she could never get hurt and nobody could ever see her or talk to her. And everytime she talked back to me, I got chills all over my body, and I went to sleep each night dreaming about ways that I could get her to submit to me, to be loyally mine and only mine.

I realized I was in love and I didn’t like the way it made me feel.

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

A/n: tomorrow comes our last mini chapter and then at some point on Sunday we will get our main chapter!! The finale will drop shortly after. I realized it made more sense as I was writing it for our mini chapters to appear back to back <3 thanks for the patience with my break last week

taglist: @shuporanporang ; @purp13st4r ; @eurydiceofterabithia ; @heartsbyandra ; @thicccurls ;

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allqxx · 8 months ago

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Havenless - Part 1

Warning: zombies, blood, corpses. Story: I became infected, but still managed to maintain my humanity. Even in this situation, there is something that I need to find...

Special...

And how did I end up in this situation? I hesitated for a second and was immediately pinned against the wall. — How long are you going to pretend you don't understand anything? Look in my eyes. Don't turn away. — What do you want from me? There was nowhere to retreat, and Hyunjin lifted my head, taking my chin. I clenched my teeth tightly and stared at him. — I want just one thing from you. So that you follow the desires of your heart. — For the desires of my heart? If only everything were that simple... He laughed at my words. I'm sure he just wanted to get me emotional. Shivers ran down my spine. — You never understood my feelings, Rachel. Try to relax. You have a rare opportunity, you know. Suddenly Hyunjin's face began to move closer, tilting slightly to one side. I felt dizzy when the tip of his nose touched mine. — Just look at yourself. You like the feeling of doing something risky, right? He whispered this to me, and his breath tickled my lips.

An infection caused by a virus of unknown origin has spread throughout the world.

Since then, everything around has plunged into chaos and destruction.

~ A couple of months later, in early spring.

— This place is a complete mess. — I say, brushing my hair out of my face.

At the moment, three things are known about the disease: Firstly, you can become infected through direct contact with the blood or saliva of an infected person. Secondly, symptoms appear within an hour after infection. Аnd the last fact: the vision of those infected practically disappears, forcing them to rely on good hearing.

— Either way, it's impossible to hide here forever. We leave on my signal. Сan you handle it?

— Good question. I don't think following you will be that difficult, but... — If it weren't for me, this person would have been infected. He hesitated for a moment, fiddling with his sleeve, and then nodded. — Сan you tell me where we're going?

— There is a place nearby where I agreed to meet friends. — I nod my head towards the alley. — You can join us. Together it is easier to cope with difficulties.

— It's clear. Thank you for being so kind to me, even though we don’t know each other.

— When the world is in such a state, it is important to help each other. — I involuntarily shrank from fear. An infected man stood not far from us and listened to find us. Every time I looked at the unnatural movements of his hands, I felt a strange feeling.

I couldn’t see anything in the dark, but I felt something warm in front of me. My mouth was stinging madly. I grabbed onto this warmth, trying to snatch it, take it away. — Аgh... oh, ahhh... — Hey...Rachel...come on, wake up! — Оh, it hurts, it hurts...how painful it is...—Someone's strong arms grabbed me, ordering me to breathe. — It's okay, Rachel. Everything is fine... “I got infected, right?” - I asked, and the answer was: “I’m sorry for hiding this from you.”

I had a question in my head that no one could answer.

This is so strange. Why...why am I still here?

— We run to the count of three. Ready? — I zip up my jacket and adjust the laces.

— Yeah.

One, two, three... We took off and rushed away from the infected.

Even though I was infected, my feelings didn't go away.

I felt like a ticking time bomb: you never know which day will be my last.

#skz #stray kids #stray kids x you #hwang hyunjin #bang chan x reader #bang chan #zombie

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