alphasmatedone

[alphasmatedone]

𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞...

— by little devil 🕯️

pairing: castiel x she/her reader

tone: angelic awkwardness, holy fluff, tragic beauty, tender devotion

genre: canon-compliant headcanon list told through mini fanfiction scenes

rating: pg-13 for themes of eternity, gentle touches, and celestial simping

synopsis: loving an angel isn’t like loving a person—it’s like being seen for the first time in your whole damn life.

🌌 Endless, Unwavering Staring

You’ve asked him why he does it. The staring.

He tilts his head, confused.

“You are… captivating,” he says. “I’m literally brushing my teeth, Cas.” “Yes. I am aware.”

No matter the time, the place, or the state of your bedhead, Castiel stares at you like you are the only thing keeping the universe from crumbling. And maybe—just maybe—you are.

📿 That Old Testament Flavor of Devotion

He doesn’t love like a man. He loves like a declaration.

“I would fall again,” he says, quiet, sure. “For you. If Heaven demanded otherwise—I would choose you.”

You freeze, soup spoon halfway to your mouth.

“Cas. I’m just sick. You don’t have to make it biblical.”

But that’s the thing. With Castiel, everything is.

☁️ Trying to Teach Him Pop Culture with Deeply Mixed Results

“That is… a SpongeBob.” “Correct!” “He lives in a fruit?” “Technically a sea sponge in a pineapple under the sea, yeah.” “This is absurd.” “…You love it.” “…I do.”

He once recited “the Krabby Patty secret formula is love” during a demon interrogation. Dean still hasn’t recovered.

🕰️ Being Gently Out of Step with Time but Always on Time for You

He doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat, doesn’t really understand mortality.

But somehow, he always knows when your hands start shaking, when the nightmares hit, when the weight of everything becomes too much.

“You do not need to be strong tonight,” he murmurs, wrapping his coat around you. “Just rest. I will carry it for now.”

🕊️ Accidentally Saying the Most Romantic Things in the Universe

Like, he really doesn’t mean to go so hard. He’s just… built that way.

“I studied your soul once,” he tells you one night, voice low and reverent. “It’s brighter than anything I’ve seen in Heaven.”

You: 🧍‍♀️ Also you: dead on the floor, heart exploded, ascended to the astral plane

🔥 Moments of Terrifying, Blazing Power—But He’ll Never Hurt You

When Cas is angry, the air changes.

Demons scatter. Lights flicker. The Earth holds its breath.

But when he looks at you?

His hands shake, soft and unsure, wings tucked in like he’s afraid of brushing against your light.

“Even at my most powerful,” he whispers, “you make me feel… human.”

🥪 Trying Human Things Just Because You Like Them

He doesn’t need food. But when you offer him a bite of your sandwich, he takes it.

Chews.

Blushes.

“This is... pleasant.” “It’s grilled cheese, babe.” “Then I would like… more grilled cheese. With you.”

He eats it awkwardly, angelic hands too big for the plate, and you have never loved anyone more.

📖 Reading Scripture and Lore with You—and Occasionally Correcting It

He reads over your shoulder, brow furrowed.

“That’s… not accurate.” “What, this Latin exorcism?” “No, the depiction of Uriel. He wasn’t nearly that tall. Or kind.” “Cas, it’s fanfiction.” “It is… fanfiction of Heaven?” “Yeah. And apparently Gabriel's hot now.” “…He will be insufferable when he finds out.”

🌿 Flowers Left in Strange Places

He doesn’t buy bouquets. He materializes them.

Sometimes it’s a single daisy on your dashboard. Sometimes an entire garden blooms outside your motel room.

“I thought you needed… beauty.” “Cas. You made tulips grow in the carpet.” “Do you like them?” “…Yeah, actually.”

💬 Deep Conversations at Inconvenient Hours

You: half-asleep at 2am Cas: watching the ceiling

“Y/N, do you believe fate can be rewritten?” “Cas it is literally 2—” “If I was made for obedience… then why do I desire free will with you?” “…Okay hang on let me get tea.”

🕯️ Making You Feel Like a Living Prayer

When Castiel touches you—your hand, your cheek, your waist—it’s not just affection. It’s reverence.

“You are not just a person to me,” he confesses, voice low. “You are… a beacon. Something sacred.”

You’ve been many things. But never sacred. Until now.

🌟 Wings Unfurled Only for You

You ask him to show you once. He hesitates.

“They are… damaged.” “So am I,” you reply. “Doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful.”

He unfolds them in the dark—burned, broken, glorious.

You swear you can feel them against your skin like the warmth of a dying star.

𓆩☁️𓆪 Castiel loves like cathedral bells in the distance, like the hush after prayer, like starlight on skin.

He does not know how to love halfway. He only knows forever. And he chose you.

𓆩☁️𓆪

[alphasmatedone]

[alphasmatedone]

Another shawl I am working on pattern found on Ralvery name Zuzanka by Monika Marek yarn from Etsy Seller Melodyybywolltraum colorway: Awake

[alphasmatedone]

I have been a touch busy over the last few days

[alphasmatedone]

Another shawl I am working on The bubble Tea shawl by red.teapot.atelier pattern found on Ravelry yarn from Etsy

[alphasmatedone]

[alphasmatedone]

I know your

near, when I am at my lowest, when I miss you the most, when my nights are dark, and chilled, for suddenly I smell the faint smell of cigarette smoke...and I know you are near, saying I am here....

Listening to Iron Maiden "The Clansman" and I can see you in my mind when we were at their concert in N.C The sight of you singing along... loud... not caring, one fist up in the air your hair loose as you screamed "Freedom" at that moment I saw the young man who fell in love with the band, a man who loved hard and long...who would fight.... for one brief moment I saw you as The Clansman, sword in hand, ready to fight.....

God I miss you darlin....

[alphasmatedone]

For 20 years you have been in my thoughts, yet we were with others. Then when we were both alone, we decided to meet and for 5 yrs we were happy, till death came for you… I will search for your eyes for the rest of my days….

[alphasmatedone]

Beginning of the End...

A year ago you were rushed to emergency, cause you could not breath, (you were turning blue before my eyes) I had no idea...you were dying.... my last text message to you was at 11:59 that night, telling you "Good night and I love you"....the next day when I awoke to a call from the hospital you were in a coma, and in meeting with your family and the doctors the word Metastatic cancer was said and I knew there was no more time for us. And the following night, you left this earth. I tried to be strong but I let out a scream and kept screaming, no one could comfort me

Am I ok? No my dear Alpha I am not....my heart has still not healed and I miss you so so terribly, my world is lonely and I am scared, I miss you being near, the warmth and love we shared....

[alphasmatedone]

[alphasmatedone]

All the yarn for future projects each one is 2077 yards all brought via Etsy

[alphasmatedone]

This has been on my wish list for a long time so glad I got it

[alphasmatedone]

Finished one of two birthday gift now on to other projects

[alphasmatedone]

Newest orchid bloom

[alphasmatedone]

My first New Years alone

After five years, of celebrating New Year eve and day together,

this is my first time alone without you by my side, where I would be making a dutch baby with bacon on the side and English muffins for the two of us on NY day, today found me sitting at a Starbucks having a cup of coffee and thinking of you, and wondering what if.....

I would be lying if I said I was ok ....I am not your passing has taken a lot out of me yea it's almost a year and we were only dating for 5 yrs, but we've known each other for 20 some odd years. And I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you by my side ....

[alphasmatedone]

Shelf two of my orchid collection these are mostly Phalaenopsis that will bloom soon (I hope)

[alphasmatedone]

First shelf of my orchid collection