always-devon

[always-devon]

[always-devon]

I'll Get Real Fuckin' Tough -- Modern AU

characters: Sodapop Curtis

ship: none

ao3 rating: Teen

warnings: mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

He never really wants to do it. He knows it'd break someone's heart, and he doesn't want to make someone sad.

A short songfic. Good Enough -- MattStaGraham.

Shouldn't entertain searching mens suicide rates.

Sodapop Curtis is laying on his side in bed on a Monday night. He's in an incognito tab. There's a looming darkness--whether it's around him, filling his room, or inside his chest, waiting for him to break, to shatter, he doesn't know. And it's scaring him.

but I did and it's 2 to 1. I wish I didn't see.

When the numbers pop up on his screen, he almost gasps. Because it's a bigger number than he expects. Everything comes crashing back. How Johnny said it once but didn't mean it, like he brushed it off as a joke. The memorial in middle school back in '21 for a kid he didn't know that well, but that kid was a boy like him. It makes him feel guilty, feel sick, feel ashamed and scared that he ever thought about-

My old man said that suicide's the coward's way out.

His daddy said it, muttered it under his breath after he lost a friend to a .9mm and the crushing pressure to keep everything inside. And then turned away real quick before his boys could see anything was wrong.

Bitter, hot tears came to his eyes, falling and soaking into the pillowcase before he could fathom blinking them away.

And I'm too scared to tell him how scared I am now…

Even if Dad was alive, he'd never tell him about something like this. About the times when he looked too long at the ratchet strap hanging on the garage wall after Ponyboy ran away. Even though he'd never do it. He'd never go through with it.

Click.

He turned off his phone and shoved it under his pillow.

So I won't. I'll man up. I won't cry. I'll survive. I'll get real fucking tough.

[always-devon]

He found the yuri, Ponyboy is cooked

[always-devon]

wait panic disorder Kukui? tell me more.

Kukui and Ash

Kukui has a panic disorder and Ash helps him without even knowing it.

[always-devon]

One like = one smooch on his little head

One reblog = granting him access to the nuclear launch codes

[always-devon]

Me: my god.. i did it.. i killed him..!

Angel on my shoulder: we're extremely fortunate. You shot him in the side of the head and you're wearing gloves. Place the gun in his hand and set the house ablaze. Officer Goger's tragic suicide will be the perfect cover story

Devil on my shoulder: Goger was always eating stuffing and spelt wheat and steel cut oats. Bet he'd taste reeeeal good on a spit with an apple in his mouth. Come on, i've seen the way you've looked at him..

My tulpa, a 6'9" DD smokeshow hottie PS1 graphics anthro leopard girl in a lab coat: you must put a baby in me Your Highness, quickly!

[always-devon]

Today's Doonesbury cartoon.

[always-devon]

I FINISHED S2

WHO PUT MY HEART IN A BLENDER

I JUST FINISHED THE FIRST SEASON OF THE HOLLOW

what the FUCK

[always-devon]

trans unity

[always-devon]

Me, in a Walgreens: la la la :)

Me, the moment I approach the cashier and realize I’m wearing SFX makeup and have fake flesh disintegrating off my face: .

[always-devon]

a is for AAAAAH MAMA DAT BURN (Johnny in the church)

b is for I ain't wanna eat no more bologna

c is for curtis brothers and the menaces they are

d is for DALLAS TUCKER WINSTON

e is for ey what the hell man

f is for fuck everything I'm mad at the world

g is for grease and spice and everything nice idk

h is for hell, that's where Bob Sheldon is headed I thinks

i is for IVE BEEN FOURTEEN FOR A MONTH

j is for Jerry woods

k is for korn

l is for looks like we gotta ditch this guy here. oops

m is for my brother >:( he hates >:( he hates me

n is for need a haircut, greaser?

o is for oh god no Johnny don't die on us Johnny JOHNNY PLEASE

p is for pity the backseat. bitch

q is for honestly idk. qan't touch this denenene

r is for THEY CANT HANDLE THE RANDLE

s is for socs

t is for dallas TUCKHER winston (transfem Dallas arc?)

u is for uhhhh cigarettes

v is for very very very very unhealthy coping mechanisms

w is for windrixville

x is for xylophone

y is for you're white trash with mustangs and madras

z is for honk mimimimimimimi

[always-devon]

oh fuck happy birthday ponyboy

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I JUST FINISHED THE FIRST SEASON OF THE HOLLOW

what the FUCK

[always-devon]

Darry one of those men that says he's "fighting demons" and whole time its bisexuality.

[always-devon]

hey guys i'm going to the store can u make sure nothing happens to my chocolate milk

[always-devon]

How We Negotiate With An Alter With Water Trauma

Alter would like to remain unnamed.

In the bath/shower:

Our alter personally doesn't have much struggle with baths showers. He tends to prefer showers over baths, and if we do take a bath, we make sure to state it clearly so he can skedaddle out of cofront.

Pools:

We just had this dilemma yesterday. He was in cofront while we were in the pool. Apparently, he wanted to try to get more used to it. This was good for him, we were in a controlled and familiar environment, and we had our gear. There was reassurement, like "I know how to swim, I've done it for years, I won't let us drown." and I listened for when he wanted to get out, got out, took a break, and then went back in.

Oceans:

When it's big bodies of uncontrolled water, he steps out of cofront. If he happens to be in cofront, we'll only go about ankle deep in the water.

[always-devon]

a good tgirl gaming session will have you in bed researching "etymology of darling" "is it okay to call friends dear?" "can you say beloved platonically?"