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COVID Notes #9

There Are Two Me’s 

One me, living. He wakes up early. Runs onto closing trains. Has to read those emails. Cooks. Has to pretend. Feels bad about my diet. Keeps stressing about sleep. 

The other me has both headphones in. He’s bouncing and catching a tennis ball off the wall, and sometimes it falls and rolls out of the room, down the stairs, out into the street, onto a middle seat in coach, then into a house in Houston where me and the wife are babysitting the grandkids. 

Today one me is just stuck in bed happy to be breathing. 

The other me is still bouncing that damn ball, but he’s got one headphone out. 

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COVID Notes #8

US/China Agreement or 5G 

1. The US and China agreed to spread a virus. It’ll hit the old and China can have the social security money. Our President likes to make deals with foreign countries. The USA owes China $1.07 trillion. Maybe this is something we do once a decade. We’ll already know the drill next time. 

2. 5G towers are being built at a quick speed while we are in quarantine. These towers spread disease, their wavelengths interfere with our immune systems, or maybe mind control has finally been updated. 

Maybe it’s neither. 

Maybe it’s both. 

But it’s probably a distraction from something else. 

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COVID Notes #7

Sitting, Waiting 

I’ve had a loss of taste and smell, chills, fever, fatigue, shortness of breath, aching joints, a swollen lymph node, stiff neck,  headaches, hives, a sore throat, and night sweats.  

But I haven’t had the cough yet. 

Every player has played: the headliner is my only fate. 

Hopefully instead of Frank,

I get Drake. 

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COVID Notes #6

What Keeps Bill Gates Up at Night

Republicans, Bloods.

Don’t scare me like the people 

in comment sections. 

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COVID Notes #5

Hottest Country in the World 

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COVID Notes #4

Tick Tock

I will never be that bored. I’m not even going to mention the China thing. I’m just salty, I wish I could dance and  I wish someone wanted to know everything about me. 

Cinha si syipn no uoy.  Btu woh inst teshe dyas? 

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COVID Notes #3

Snitch 

I didn’t want to tell my mom I had any symptoms. I’ve already worried her enough for one lifetime. But someone snitched and she immediately called me. 

Turns out it wasn’t about her peace of mind. I just wasn’t trying to hear no speeches. 

Today was our second conversation, her second speech.

I asked her if she told my dad.

Her Words 

“Hell no, I ain’t trying hear all that” 

I love that woman. 

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COVID Notes #2

Tiger King

The weekend the city shut down all nonessential businesses I walked to the grocery store to prepare.  I visualized blank shelves and felt each step was a waste of time. I arrive, I’m not surprised. 

The shelves are empty.  Except for the bottom shelves which have the last of the least popular flavors of soup. 

Before I walked in, I would have been grateful to walk out with anything, but now I’m in a squat debating between two terrible choices. 

PS: I COULD NOT get into Tiger King. 

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COVID Notes #1

Connotations 

SARS-CoV-2: Cue Hazmat Suits 

COVID: There’s Nothing More We Can Do For You. 

Corona: No Biggie. 

The Rona-  It’s an STD. 

Guess which one the Doctor Used? 

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Pitch #3

Edmundo leaves a voicemail for his mom regarding how he’s doing six months into his move. 

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Pitch #2: Three Fourths

A mysterious pandemic tears through the world at an alarming race. With little answers, the world’s population is left to fend for itself. In America, after a period of silence the military arrives and attempts to force citizens into quarantine camps. One woman evades placement. 

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Pitch #1: The Dreamer

There’s a guy who has been having trouble sleeping lately. It doesn’t help that when he dreams, his dreams have been alarmingly realistic and he wakes up remembering every detail. Things get complicated when he meets a girl. 

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Education Saved My Life

Part One. 

Education saved my life. 

Which is ironic cause I almost died right before.

Usually I say I don’t have time for this story...but today I got time.

I wasn’t a confident person back then and as such: YOU TAKE A SURE THING WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE. The sure thing being an interview with this random school I applied to teach at (I mass applied (can we say “rights swiped” now) (((is that a thing?))) to a number of schools). I get there with no real experience (besides a lifetime of being an obstacle for any good teacher I crossed paths with) and my interviewer is quick to see that. He said, “Well you’re saying a lot of good stuff, but I want to see it. Would you be up to teach a class right now?”

THE SITUATION This class I was walking into had no teacher to start the year (and it was already October).

Back then I had no confidence but was great at lying. 

Thanks dad. 

So of course I said yes. And they give me the topic the class should be learning (which was Prime Factorization) and I remember my face saying “no big deal”, but inside all available brain cells dumping their current assignment to assist on this one. That’s why I stopped breathing and I forgot how to do math. 

The anxiety quickly took over. 

I had never taught. 

Usually at this point of an interview you have a portfolio with a sample lesson and a little experience in front of a class. 

Not me! 

My student teaching was a joke, all I did was observe an elementary class A WEEK BEFORE school was over. Totally not a meaningful observation. 

SO...

I walked into this packed class with some scribbled notes and, somehow, a forehead clear of sweat, and I start making this analogy between geography and how numbers work.

Analogies have always been my thing. 

I just now realized that.

The students were happy to see me because they wanted someone. This was a GT class and they were dying for some math. They hung on to my every word and it felt like I was talking to a class who had been waiting a whole two months for me to walk into that room.

See...this was a time before cellphones where attention spans didn’t have so much competition.

My future boss then tells me outside, “That was good, buuuuut that was our higher model of student. Let’s see what you can do with our lower students. Would you be down?”

There’s a bunch of “Rule Number One”s in education but one of them is definitely, “Fake it till you make it”. 

The kids went off to lunch and I had 30 minutes to have a panic attack and throw up all my adrenaline. But there was a bigger disaster coming to the forefront. I began sweating and I couldn’t stop sweating, then this heat swept throughout my body...and then I realized I was in the full throws of a fever.

Like an actual fever, with body aches. 

I asked, “Can I go home and grab my lunch” and they were like “sure”. 

So I ran home chugged some water, took my shirt off, aired it out, chugged some DayQuil, and rolled back to the school. The whole time (split screened in my mind was: Me... trying to find the script of what the hell I said to the first class). 

I would be a terrible actor. 

I can’t even remember the shit I say. 

That’s also why I’ve got a terrible record in arguments with girlfriends. 

“I never said that?!!” 

Everything I said to the class was off the top of my head. A look back at my notes didn’t help at all either: All it said was, “numbers are like the world” a few hours ago that was all I needed to teach a whole 25 minute lesson.  

But now it was hurting to even think and because of the fever I was talking Latin in my head. 

and...I DON’T KNOW LATIN. 

I get back to the school with my “everything is ok” face (and my “what the fuck is going on” body), and I did my thing.

Then I go back home and get under all the blankets I can and try to hide my illness from my dad. Because the only thing worse than being sick, is my dad finding out, and having him as my nurse. 

Next thing I know, I’m in the hospital getting fluids (turns out I had an out of control bacterial infection in one of my throats lymph nodes) and my phone rings. It’s the principal of the school. He was asking if I would be willing to accept the job. But when my body gets sick (ps: this was my preteacher immune system) it goes all out, the swelling in my throat made it impossible for my mouth to open since there was so much pressure on my jaw.

So I handed the phone to my mom and scribbled on the journal I was using to communicate with hospital staff (that’s a whole other story) that,  

“I’d be honored to work for them”

And that’s how I landed my first teaching gig.

A week and several antibiotics later, I roll in and start teaching. Eventually my embarrassment passed, and I told my principal the story and right before End of the Year Testing he brought it up in his, “Let me tell you about the kind of people we have working here” Speech.

As center stage as I like to be. I’m very uncomfortable with praise.

I never feel like I deserve any of it.

It’s one of my better qualities.

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I.W.R.A.P. Chapter 1

Person: Kid Crying in a Public Place

I was making a quick stop to the grocery store. 

The one closest to my parents house. Every time I get here I realize, I never come here. My parents called me to tell me they ran out of orange juice. That particular brand of orange juice. I’m sure I can get it at the grocery store closest to where I work, but they always mention (that extra line about) how I can get it here. After years of hearing that: I automatically think that this is the only place that has it. And I don’t ever buy that brand so I don’t ever notice it anywhere else. I’d hate to have to drive to two places, so I play it safe and just drive out of the way to save time. 

Do you have anything like that in your life: a decision you make to save yourself time,it’s something you should check into, but that’s too much work...so you risk a potential lifetimes worth of efficiency so you don’t waste: what, like...20 minutes tops (once)? I mean I could call the grocery store, that’s like, what..5 minutes tops? 

I was already waiting in line, of course my line was long and slow moving (it’s a Wednesday), there were no other registers open. I’m assuming this store has done their research: and have concluded that this is an efficient use of their resources. 

I wonder how much money they save by having one cashier vs. having to pay two cashiers vs. the occasional business they lose when people get frustrated and leave vs. (overtime) how many people who saw that person leave, think about that, when they randomly need something and decide to stay home out of fear of being in the same situation. 

I don’t think there’s any special reason why this line is flowing the way it is. Besides the old guy who is currently checking out. I think it’s just a Wednesday night and he's just an old guy. Old guys just take longer for some reason. Maybe he’s really milking this social interaction, maybe this is the only person he’s talked to all day. Too bad she’s not in the mood for conversation. 

Don’t know why I didn’t mention this sooner, but this kid’s been crying ever since my trip through the sliding doors at the entrance. I could hear his cries in the background when I was on the other side of the store in the juice section, and as I walked back into this line.

I like kids and I had the time, so I asked the guy behind me if he could hold my parents juice, he agreed, and I walked out of line and sat next to the kid. 

Me: Hey kiddo. Why are you crying?

Kid: Why aren’t you crying?

Me: Wait, can we do like a normal Q&A first then we can go into all of that? 

Kid: I’m just kinda overwhelmed. There’s a lot of stuff in here, I want a lot of it, I don’t have money, I’m hungry, I have an itch I can’t express to anyone cause I don’t know how to ask, I hate this store, and my mom just left me here: thinking I’d just cut it out. I’m scared. Also... I’m a kid. 

Me: Why don’t I just buy you you’re favorite candy? It’ll be a gift from me to you! Then you can always remember that one time some random guy bought you a candy so you would be happy. 

Kid: You would just be shutting me up, you’re not solving a damn thing. 

Me: ....

Kid: Why aren’t you crying? 

Me: After a while: everyone stops helping. Then a while after that, everyone stops listening. 

Kid: So what do you do?

Me: I’m a teacher. 

Kid: I mean what do you do, when you want to cry?

Me: I don’t. I think about other things. I solve my problems. 

Kid: ...

Me: But, I don’t have a lot to cry about anyways. 

Kid: But having one thing, to cry about, is too many things. 

Me: There’s so much I want to do. 

Kid: Are you doing it? At least some of it?

Me: ...

Kid: Well I think that’s what you should do. Start off with a big goal, and break into smaller pieces, then complete each small goal, don’t forget to make them time sensitive goals or “step one” could take years. 

Me: I’m going to get back in line. 

Kid: Remember: Small, Time Sensitive Goals. 

Me: What’s your favorite part of being a kid?

Kid: The excitement of one day getting to be an adult. 

For some reason running an errand on a weeknight, takes just enough of your night to make you feel like you don’t have any time to do anything else. I brought the juice home, but no one was as excited about it as I needed them to be. Tomorrow’s Thursday, and I have just enough time to eat, shower, and get in bed on time, but I’ll probably stay up way too late on my phone distracting myself with other people’s lives. 

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I.W.R.A.P. Chapter 2

Person: Lady at Subway Who Puts Waaaaaay Too Much Condiments on My Sandwich. 

I don’t know how to treat myself. 

Occasionally I’ll define treating myself as getting a meal on the road. And most of the times that means a 6 Inch Sub (no drink, no chips) from Subway. 

I’ve been here about 50 times total (lifetime). Even though I am more familiar with Subway’s Order Procedures (than I am with most friends): My anxiety and hunger always lead me to “Decision Making Remorse”: where I’m not totally comfortable or happy with what I just ordered. 

In the end, my sandwich (whatever I get) is in my stomach no less than 5 minutes after I put my debit card back in my wallet. So I admit this doesn’t really matter but today has been a long day, and I have nothing to look forward to when I get home, so solving this problem today would make everything right.  

Every time, I ask for condiments I get too way too much. 

Over time I’ve learned to say “..and a little bit of...” but that only works half of the time. And if they put very little then I have to risk asking for “...a little more”, which to some employees they think “Oh you want more! I’ll give you more!!” Then that one time that guy said “a little” is long buried in the transcripts of the transaction. 

And here we go again, it’s always this lady (but not just her), it’s whatever lady is here. And one time it was a guy. 

Editors Note: There were about 3 times, someone put the perfect amount on* 

*too bad I was uncomfortable about the rest of the sandwich. 

But now I’m back, we just added all of the vegetables and it’s showtime. 

Me: So what does a little bit of Mayonnaise look like to you? 

Her: I’m a human being. Why can’t you just express to me what you spent 15 minutes typing on some blog?

Me: I’m just weird about talking to people, especially if I’m asking for things. 

Her: Dude, it’s not a big deal. You're spending time and money on this. You should make your best effort to ensure that it comes out how you like it. Besides, don’t feel sorry for me: do you know some of the weird shit I get asked? 

Me: Weird Shit? Like what? 

Her: The world is full of people you’re going to have to talk to, or need something from, or people who need you, and you’re going to have to learn to talk to them. And some of them, you’re only going to get one chance to do so. You don't have to rush everything just because that’s what the situation calls for or because you think you’re awkward. 

Me: Wait, I’m not awkward? 

Her:...

Me: So is this where you want to be in 5 years? 

Her: Look, I know where I’m going. You need to focus on where you are going and stop distracting yourself with other people’s problems, or even your own little ones, and especially the ones that are just in your head. 

And they are all just in your head. 

Me: You put too much mayonnaise on it. 

Her: Would you like me to scrape any of it off?

Me: (I glance at the line behind me and honestly it wouldn’t have mattered how many people I saw, cause I would have said the same thing if the whole place was empty) No, it’s ok. 

Her: No, you should have said, “Yes Please”. 

She proudly scrapped the extra off. 

I had to smile politely. 

Even though now I know I didn’t HAVE TO smile.  

She wrapped the sandwich up and returned the smile. 

I didn’t have the heart to tell her she scrapped too much off. 

And I totally forgot about the Mustard. 

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I.W.R.A.P. Chapter 3

Person: The Wrong Person

It was one of those days I needed to get my shit together. 

I woke up early, I dressed up, I showered (before I dressed up), I had breakfast, I even drove the speed limit because I didn’t want any chance for my time to be wasted. 

I was at the table where my first interview was going to be taking place. 

It was a pretty busy day, so I didn’t know what car belonged to who; lots of people walking around. 

Then this person showed up. 

ME:...

THEM: Are you Edmundo, I’m here for the interview. 

ME: Really? What’s your name? 

THEM: (laughs) Yes, I’m ___________

ME: Hmm

THEM: So how’s your day going so far?

ME: Wait, let me double check something. (I pretended to look for something on my phone, but really I was buying time and figuring out how to proceed). 

THEM: Is everything ok?

ME: Yeah, I just need this thing. 

THEM: ...

ME: Oh, ok.

THEM: ...

ME: So how did you hear about this?

THEM: You called me. You needed me for the first interview. You said to meet you at the park you always post from. 

ME: (thinking: that sounds like something I’d say). 

THEM: What’s wrong?

ME: Nothing, I was just expecting something different. 

THEM: What’s wrong with me?

ME: Nothing, I just wish I never knew you. 

THEM: No you don’t.

ME: Yes...Yes, I do. 

THEM: Why

ME: I didn’t like who I was back then. 

THEM: Are you better now?

ME: Much. 

THEM: Well you weren’t much fun either, but I don’t regret it. 

ME: That’s easy for you to say. 

THEM: Look, I didn’t come here to be insulted. 

ME: I’m sorry. I just don’t like the past.

THEM: What makes you so sure I’m from the past?

ME: Shut up. 

THEM: See, you still exist in there. 

ME: You’re the only one who can bring it out of me. 

THEM: Maybe I was meant to challenge you. Maybe I was supposed to teach you how to overcome that part of yourself. 

ME: YOU, didn’t teach me anything. 

THEM: I never said I was a hands on teacher. 

ME: You were never much of anything. 

THEM: OK, that’s enough. I don’t think you’re showing me the respect I deserve. 

ME: You don’t deserve anything. 

THEM: Everything happens for a reason right? That’s that shit you believe in now? 

ME: ....

THEM: So, we going to do this interview or not?

ME: Fuck it. 

THEM: That’s more like it.

ME: Why didn’t mom leave your ass?

THEM: Your mom was a great woman.  

ME: Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?

THEM: I never learned how to communicate in a relationship. Don’t worry though, you taught me and everything worked out with the next guy. We’re married!

ME: Where were you all those times I needed you?

THEM: Don’t put that on me. Where were you? All those trips you go on, but you can’t ever visit. I’m waaaay closer than Japan. 

ME: Why are you here?

THEM: Just to make sure you didn’t forget about me. 

ME: Well I got a lot out of this. Thanks for wasting my time again. 

(I got up, grabbed my stuff, and walked towards my car. I didn’t bother looking back to check if I left anything). 

THEM: (from a few feet behind me) You don’t even say bye”, You know it won’t be long till you see me again. 

ME: I’m done with you, this is the last time.  

THEM: You know it has nothing to do with you. I’ll always find you. 

ME: (it’s true) 

THEM: Till then. 

I sat in my car for a bit before driving off. They stared into the car. Then I drove home, it was an out of body experience. When I got home I sat in bed: no TV, no Spotify, no computer. 

It’s been a while since I was this alone. 

Middle school maybe, after that break up.  

But then I remembered something that made me smile. 

All the people I met after meeting the wrong person. 

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I.W.R.A.P. Chapter 4

PERSON: The Guy That Robbed My House in 2016

The maybe is the most stressful part. 

I can cope with a “yes”. 

I can plan around a “no”. 

But a maybe is...a maybe. 

You know?

Sometimes (a lot of times) I lose track of time at work, so I wind up being the last one to leave, today was no different except this time there was a car parked behind my car. He was blocking me in. 

It was time to get this maybe over with. 

ME: Are you going to rob me again?

HIM: I don’t know, maybe?

ME: What do you mean maybe?

HIM: If I need to, I will. 

ME: ok 

HIM: Can I go now?

ME: ....

Then he left, I don’t know if him NOT looking back meant he never wanted to see this place again, or if it meant he didn’t have to take many notes, cause he’d be back soon enough. 

Was he off to rob someone else?

Was there anything I could do about it?

Should I move on with my life?

Maybe, No, Yes.