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Crap people say to English Majors--A Rant
As a self-proclaimed, amateur, and naïve “writer,” I am proud of my upcoming completion within the English department. When any kind and thoughtful person asks me what I am studying in school, I used to reply passionately “I’m studying English!” Over the past four and a half years, my confident answer to this question has become a bitter, unenthused, and just the straightforward: “English.” This regression in my acknowledgment of my degree can be attributed to the responses and retorts of those who inquire about my degree. When asked about my degree, the responses that typically follow this declaration of my life and educational choice are pretty standard to roughly ninety percent of the people who inquire. The responses that follow are the awkward pause, the awkward stammer, the confused look, the shifty eyes, and the many questions and comments that are demeaning. In my attempt to justify my choice to study English, I will address as many of these questions and comments.
1. When people ask questions or comment on my future plans:
a. “Oh. Like… What are you going to do with that?”
b. “So—you’re going to teach? Yeah, I can see you being a teacher.”
c. “You should be a journalist!”
d. “Well, there’s not much you can do with that.”
e. “You should probably go to grad school since you can’t do anything with a bachelor in English.”
f. “You’re not going to be a teacher? Hmm… Are you going to write books?”
g. “What exactly are you qualified for?”
h. “What are you going to do with your life?”
To answer these questions and concerns about my impending future, I do not know what I am going to do with my degree. I do not know if going to grad school is necessary. No, I don’t want to be a teacher, so don’t suggest that. If English majors don’t answer these questions, it does not mean they don’t have a plan for their future. They probably have just decided that these thoughtful questions were not worth answering. Through my college education, I have learned to critically think about things. When someone studies English as a I just didn’t do it through math or science, but through learning about the human condition observed in literary compositions.
2. When people belittle your major:
a. “English is your first language. Why would you study that?”
b. “That’s an easy major. I wish I chose something simple like that, but I will probably get a job before you do.”
Yes, I study English, despite it being my first and only language. because as social media, online news articles, and even newspapers still have trouble being literate. My major is not simple. I work very hard at being successful in this program. With all programs, one can slack off and just get through.
3. When people define your degree without knowing anything about it:
a. “You just read books and write, right?”
b. “Do you even do any work?”
c. “English is soooo easy.”
An English degree is not a simple degree. Sure, many people can succeed in this degree, if success is solely based on having the degree in hand at graduation. Success within an English program is more than just the paper that a university or college hands to you. It is the wide understanding of human nature through the pieces of literature that English majors are forced to pick up in classes and rigorously dissect. Success as an English major is that moment
4. When people just assume you like writing so much that you would be happy to take on their work for them—because your work just isn’t enough:
a. “Can you write my papers for me?”
b. “Hey, do you mind editing all of my papers this semester?”
c. “Write this paper for me. It’s what you do.”
I don’t even want to do my own papers, why would I want to do yours too?
5. When people assume English majors have all the time in the world for some unknown reason:
a. “I wish I had time to read, but I am so busy with my differential equations homework.”
b. “You must have a lot of time on your hands.”
c. “You probably have so much time on your hands. I hardly sleep.”
Sleep is a rare thing to come by when you’re in school, especially when you literally have no time to do anything but read giant novels, articles, study for tests, and write papers on all of the above. Time is fleeting when you’re an English major, simply because in order to write, it takes hours of mental preparation, organization, drafting, and rewriting the draft because it was shit the first time.
6. Assuming that grammar, spelling, and defining words is all that English majors do:
a. “You must be a Grammar-Nazi.”
b. “Hey, you’re like a human dictionary. Right?”
No. Unfortunately, we are still human and are not perfect.
7. When people assume that your degree is nothing but writing:
a. “All you do is write book reports, that must be nice. I once wrote a book report on a book I didn’t read.”
b. “I freaking hate writing papers. I really do. I literally go online and copy and paste things and rewrite them in my own words.”
c. “Your major is just essays upon essays upon essays upon essays upon essays….”
This is true to some extent… There is a lot of critical thinking, analyzing, and interpretation involved in this degree. We do write a lot of papers though.
8. “I don’t understand how you do this.”
a. “You must hate yourself. You chose to be in a major that you just write papers all of the time.”
Self-loathing comes with most majors, but sometimes after hours and hours of working on the same project/paper, the hatred is real.
9. Then you have those awkward people who literally do not know what to say:
a. “I know so many people who were trying to become doctors that ended up switching to English.”
b. “Are you bad at math or something?”
c. “Just women are English majors, right?”
d. “I like English.”
e. “I hear grammar is really important.”
f. “You must have read [insert any obscure novel here].”
g. “Sheesh… That sucks.”
h. “You can literally do whatever you want, and no one can say anything about it. If they do, just tell them it’s art.”
Let’s address each of these because these are fun responses and questions:
o Saying that you know a lot of people who intended on being a doctor change their major to English is not a kind thing to say about either party. The person who wanted to become a doctor has their own story. The program may have been too taxing, they may not be able to handle the pressure, or like some of us, they may have just wanted to be creative and follow their dreams.
o No, not all English majors are bad at math. As a STEM major, are you bad at writing? Do you see where I am going with this?
o Why would you say something sexist like: “women are English majors”? That’s rude. The program is a diverse program in most schools.
o I also like English. That is why I study it.
o Grammar is important, but who talks about grammar?
o Believe it or not, it is probably close to impossible to read every book on the planet, so we probably don’t know what you are asking.
o Why does studying English suck? Don’t you speak it? Don’t you write in English?
o Sometimes we can do literally anything we want, depending on the class. If it is a literature-based course, it is probably not ideal to write about how narwhals are the coolest and freakiest animals to ever exist.
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S: Hey! What are you up to today?
E: I am headed to the gym.
S: I was just there! It was a zoo, so many people today.
E: You went at the wrong time.
S: Eh. That was the only time I could go today.
E: Why? … You missed out.
S: I ended up having a perfect leg day. I was able to focus exceptionally well today for some reason…
E: But I wasn’t there.
S: Yeah, if you were there, I wouldn’t have focused.
E: Why’s that?
S: Haha! You’re distracting!
E: How so? I hardly talk to you at the iron church.
S: [laughs awkwardly]
E: What’s so funny?
S: Anyways, I should probably get home. I have a lot of homework to do. I will see you later.
E: Wow… Yeah. See ya.
S: [pauses] Do you want to do something later, or do you have too much work? [heavy on the sarcasm]
E: Can’t—I have a lot of projects I have to get done.
S: You work too much. [sighs]
E: There’s a lot to do.
S: Ok. See ya…
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Sofiya
· Has experienced loss
· Trying to change her life
· Hopeful
· Sarcastic
· Works out
· Lonely
· Insecure
· Flirty
· Blunt
· Doesn’t mind being forward
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Blood still pulsing beneath chapped skin.
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Out here so long, becoming ash.
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921 days [The time still creeps away from me]
NINE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-ONE DAYS:
the piece of paper says it all—
crumpled in frustration
stained with
your crippled spirit
the blackness of midnight
the black car
and an endless stream of blood…
an endless stream of blood…
SEVEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN DAYS:
‘congratulations it’s a boy!’
‘always protect him’
‘precious’
‘there will be more responsibility young lady’
he’s all mine.
FOUR THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND FOURTY-THREE DAYS:
baseball
mario kart 64
peanut butter jelly time—
don’t touch the lava
NINE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-ONE DAYS AGO:
the scratching of a pen
salty tears don’t resist
‘keep on keeping on’
the creak of the front door
the engine roars
place of solitude
BANG
TODAY:
daisies in a graveyard
defending you
but assaulting me
words…
they don’t tell the story right—
but that paper does.
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908 days
the piece of paper tells it all—
crumpled
in frustration
Stained by
tears that fell from your heart.
Nine Hundred and Eight Days ago
the blackness of midnight
black car
black bear—
you are there.
the red of a cardinal
the blood rising in my cheeks
an endless stream of blood
an endless stream of blood…
baseball
video games
laughter—
peanut butter jelly time—
that time doesn’t exist anymore
daisies in a graveyard
an endless stream of blood…
words…
they don’t tell the story right—
but that heart stained paper does
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America was never great.
America, be silent.
In your rage for justice,
Contain your violence.
Just stand silent and watch.
America was never great.
Not much has changed
Since Hughes begged for America to be America again.
The issue of race is still leaving America deranged.
America, be silent and know
America was never great.
We have politicians segregating our society,
And America reacts as if it’s the first time this has happened.
The media is manipulating and enhancing their notoriety,
But America, be silent and realize
America was never great.
A slogan is a slogan to catch our attention.
One person can’t destroy or restore America.
Just be silent and be a part of this intervention.
We just need to know
America was never great.
Change must start with us.
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