amazepauls - Tumblr blog

[amazepauls]

Paul Bettany is amazing. Can a man whose face is painted red (with weird metal jockstrap shit wrapping around his head like it wants to fuck his eyes) be sexy, cool, and talented? You tell me, just kidding, you fuck your shutting mouth, the answer is yes, yes he can — because the man who is Vision in the Marvel And The Fuckspits movies is amazepauls! He’ll get our dick pregnant with his eyes and British mouthanus. Don’t fight it.

[amazepauls]

Paul Rand is amazing. Every awesome and interesting logo you've ever seen has come out of the golden brainsauce of this Logo Lord. It doesn't even matter if he didn't do the logo, he still did it because he's a fucking design deity, and you're just a dirt eating shitheel who still thinks that anything shiny with gradients and drop shadows means it's good. Eat a turtlecock you blind fucknose! Bow before the intricate, perfect, self-contained, brand deity that is Paul Rand, because he's Amazepauls! 

[amazepauls]

Paul Lynde is amazing. His job was to be a hilarious, sassy smartass on Hollywood Squares as THE MOTHERFUCKING CENTER SQUARE. The best your life will get is melting your brainpudding by watching Treehouse Masters on Animal Planet while sticking cookie dough into your stupid shitchute. Snort a bucket of dicks you fuckramp, he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Gilmartin is amazing. Not only did he manage to survive hosting "Dinner And A Movie" on TBS for 15 years (where legend has it that he put his own semen inside of a blueberry pie and served it to Ted Turner), but he also has the cockjuice to host a podcast where he talks to people struggling with mental illness and fucking makes it hilarious and honest, while in his spare time he eats wood and shits out magical chairs and cutting boards. Suck the semen from a yeti, you can't even talk about how you pound down a Baconator in the Wendy's parking lot during your lunch break, of course he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Les Paul is amazing. He pretty much invented the electric guitar. All the music you have or will ever listen to wouldn't exist without him (except that Canadian fucktool Justin Bieber, you can thank the anusblood of Satan for him). You can get a ticket to ride the broccoli-fart caboose because your life is pretty pointless compared to Les, because he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Shaffer is amazing. He's been the bandleader for David Letterman since the sun was created, and played Artie Fufkin in Spinal Tap (fuck off dickcheese, it's the greatest rock movie ever made). Sure he resembles that goddamn old guy that fucking dances like there's a Viagra stuck up his ass from those Six Flags commercials (that commercial has been the cause of 15,000 deaths), but he's held the same job for 32 years, and you can't even keep a friend for more than 2. Choke on a donkeydick, he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Williams is amazing. Sure he looks like a nuclear fallout trollfrog, but he wrote "Rainy Days and Mondays" (for the Carpenters) and the "Rainbow Connection" — a song he wrote FOR PUPPETS because fuck you! And guess what? You'll still cry like a fucking ass bleed when you hear that song. Jump into a rainbow of dick-sicles you fuckcan, he's AmazePauls!

[amazepauls]

Paul Reiser is amazing. Who cares that he hasn't done anything meaningful since the country inexplicably thought Helen Hunt was hot (and not the wet bag-rat she truly is). He was in a show called My Two Dads in the late 80s about a girl with two Dads who weren't gay. Fuck you, what do you know shitwhistle, he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Walker is awesome. Sadly he's fucking dead. Not only did he like to drive hastily and with much anger, but he was also more generous and compassionate than that bitch Mother Teresa. Compared to him, you're a potato shoe. Eat a gorillacock you shitpancake, you know he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Bunyan is amazing. I don't give a shitsandwich that he's a fable. Was "Babe" - his only companion in the whole world - his sex-ox? Oh most definitely. But he wears plaid unironically and uses his axe to make goddamn rivers, you wear ladypants and ride a bike like a bitch. Step off fuckbucket, he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Pierce is amazing. His nickname is "The Truth". Why? I don't know, maybe because he's omniscient as shit. He once dunked over Shaq, causing Shaq's to start a new career as a legless bridge troll. The truth is, you can't even beat a blind 4 year old at NBA Jam. Slap a grannytit, he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Hogan is amazing. Let's get real butterdick, the only thing you know and will ever know about Australia is because of Crocodile Dundee (fuck you if you say otherwise taintgrease). The best you'll ever be known for is putting french fries on your Baconator and crying in the parking lot. Shit in a can fuckneck, he's amazepauls!

[amazepauls]

Paul Simon is amazing. Who cares that he can fit in your pocket, even the sound it makes when he's shitting is a better than anything you'll do in your entire life. Eat a shit napkin, he's AmazePauls

[amazepauls]

Paul Teutul, Sr is amazing. He builds choppers with his bare arms and uses his giant-man-boots to create tsunamis. And guess what, you just looked at his mustache and now your mom is pregnant. Lick a hamstershit, he's AmazePauls. 

[amazepauls]

Paul Giamatti is amazing. How can one man be at once more bland than a Mormon at a Matchbox Twenty concert YET ALSO as frightening as your Uncle Jimmy that no one in your family is willing to hug? It doesn't matter, because you're a dickpunch compared to him, because he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

The Apostle Saint Paul is amazing. He wrote 90% of the only part of the Bible that Christians seem to care about and is more worshipped than the man who walked on goddamn water and left a shit-fist-sandwich for the money changers at the temple (fuck yeah I'll get Biblical on your ass). All you've done is complain about how fat The Nalds makes you and that Netflix doesn't have whatever movie who cares — ride a bulldick, of course he's AmazePauls.

[amazepauls]

Paul Stanley is amazing. Good Jesus his face looks like a melting grandma who licked a lemon-anus, but he was in KISS (a band that terrified me as a child because I knew it stood for Kids In Satans Service). You'll never be in a band that your parents forbid you to listen to because they're Satanic, so fuck off stickdick, he's AmazePauls.