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amazonykamiaba · 17 days ago

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NOT THE END NOOOO

Lost & Found (Ben Linus-Lost x Reader) Part 36 (THE END)

word count: 4782

summary: you're at the Dharma Initiative for an art residency in 1992 and develop feelings for Ben Linus. Twelve years later, you're back on the island as a survivor of Oceanic flight 815 with no memory of your time at the initiative, or Ben. (expect now we're in 2007 at the end of the show)

other parts are pinned to my dashboard :)

notes: FINAL CHAPTER FINAL CHAPTER FINAL CHAPTER (I'm going to throw up)

taggingL @spiltmiiilk @alienwithabox @wintersnails @storywriter12 @bootlmoth @liliana-von-k @lulypooly @irelenia @amazonykamiaba @glitchyrealities @koshi-sama

What do you do with nobody left to follow on the Island? Your decision to not go with Miles, Frank, and Richard felt natural and you didn’t regret it as you watched them rush off to the plane. But being back here completely alone had started to feel quite jarring. All you could manage to see was the wreckage of the submarine- which you weren’t able to piece together more information about. Who was on that submarine? Who died here?

It was an eerie thought that lingered in your mind as you struggled to decide where to go next. Your only inclination was to head south back towards the beach camp where your group had come from, though you had little evidence that anyone was still there.

Throughout your time stuck in the 70s, you had tried to develop coping mechanisms for being alone. It was something that always brought you back to your time surviving by yourself on the Island for eight years, something that sat heavy on your mind still. You tried to employ those coping mechanisms now, including one you had heard from Jack before.

1…

Your hand went over your walkie briefly as you thought about trying to use it, but you reminded yourself that Miles had tried to call Ben several times with it to no avail.

2…

Plus, if you used it now and Miles heard you on his walkie right after leaving you, you worried he would try and come back for you- to try and convince you to leave the Island again.

3…

Your breathing was starting to steady now. Locke’s group had been somewhere near the beach, as had your group just a few days prior.

4…

Someone was probably there. It was your best option.

5…

After taking a deep breath you managed to calm yourself enough to just start heading in the direction you had suggested to yourself, south towards the beach camp where you had been the day prior. You found yourself moving quickly- not being overly cautious with your surroundings as you did so. You occasionally looked around and tried to listen for the sound of any other person, but you had yet to find anyone.

It was hard to tell how much time had passed-perhaps several hours- when you felt the ground begin to shake. The small sliver of the waterline you could make out from the jungle was shifting, drastically threatening to break off the cliffsides of the Island. You found yourself having to stop and hold yourself by a tree for a moment, catching your breath as you felt panic starting to rise in your chest again. Maybe I am going to die here, you thought, overwhelmed by the idea as you closed your eyes for a moment, trying to gather an understanding of what to do.

You took a shaky breath and realized there was a voice- Miles' voice coming out of your walkie. You held it up, listening for any indication of what else might be going on. He had been saying that Frank could fix the plane- that they could get out of here. Despite your anxiety, you were surprisingly decisive. I don’t want to leave, you thought, allowing it to flood your thoughts again. You tried to think about Locke- your friend John Locke, the one Ben had killed rather than the apparition parading around the Island now. You thought about what he would say now, how much trust he put into this very Island. The Island will protect me.

You waited patiently, only to hear Kate’s voice respond rather than Ben’s. She answered that there was a boat- Locke’s boat that could be used to get everywhere there over to the other island and on the plane if they were quick enough.

You fidgeted with your walkie quickly, your fingers shaking slightly as you did so and got up to start moving again. “Kate, where are you?” The mere confirmation that she was alive was enough to get you moving again.

No response. You tried to envision a boat- Desmond’s sailboat. Your only inclination as to where it might be was still in the direction you were already heading, but it would take time to get there. Time that you might not have.

On the other end of your walkie, Kate hadn’t answered because she was going after Jack, catching him in the nick of time to stop him from being killed by Locke. With no update, you were only able to go off of the fact that the Island was continuing to rumble and shake as if it would split apart.

You ran a hand through your hair as you continued to make your way quickly, walking fast and running as much as you were able to to get back to the beach- a task that was becoming less likely the further out you looked. But you didn’t know what was going on. For all you knew Kate wasn’t answering because she was dead. For all you knew, Jack, Sawyer, and Hugo were dead too. Maybe Ben- -

You cut off the thought as you thought about the last message Miles had said. The plane was fixable. You found yourself desperately hoping that Miles and the others would be able to make it off the Island- beginning to confront the idea that you may very well die here. If there was one thing you could be certain of, it was that Ben wouldn’t be anywhere near that plane. He wasn’t leaving. You weren’t leaving.

But despite the possibility of it encroaching upon you now, you weren’t ready to die. You thought about the time you had spent on the Island over the course of the last fifteen years. It felt like you had only just started living. You had spent most of your stretch of time here struggling to stay alive- to die throughout the same arduous struggle would be cruel.

You thought about the time you spent in 1992 at the Dharma Initiative, and again at the time you spent in the 70s. It was only seven months in 1992. Seven months, you thought, realizing that the depth of your relationship with Ben and this Island itself had started over that. How did seven months snowball into this point now? How did coming to this Island for an art residency rupture into something of this size fifteen years later?

Your friends had been made through here, you had found love here- the trauma you had endured had been unimaginable at times, but the respite provided by the people around you who had preserved past the harshness this place had to offer, and even made up for it in a strange way. The Island changed you. Not just in the physical sense that you had become fifteen years older- that your hair was different or that you dressed differently now, but your personality and very self.

You tried to imagine what would wait for you if you were to leave the Island and came up with nothing again and again.

You even thought about Jack, wondering if the malice you had placed towards him through the past few weeks was wrongly placed. You hoped that you could make it up to him if you caught up with him, trying to assume the best case scenario. You had been apt to disagree with him over years now. First siding with John Locke, and then later with James of all people.

The more you thought about Jack, the more you in turn began to think about Jacob- the god-man who you were all ‘just being played with’ by, as you had said to Ben days prior. Your frustrations towards Jack faded even further when you considered that, considered Jacob and whatever Locke was now. Even Richard, Jacob’s spokesperson is fleeing the Island, you thought, finding the idea almost amusing. Perhaps at another time it would’ve been.

Jacob’s nature was still largely a mystery to you, but the truth of the matter wasn’t that much more enlightening anyways. Why had you been considered a candidate briefly years ago? Because you were here on the Island- because you had been one of the survivors of the Dharma Initiative Purge and sustained yourself throughout futile human conflict while Jacob observed. As he told you himself, you were promptly removed from his list of candidates when you demonstrated high amounts of stress and trauma from living alone on the Island. It wasn’t your fault- surviving on a remote island with almost no prior skills and experience for the task was enough to give most people frequent night terrors.

Jacob had only made something of a deal with you and concerned himself with bringing you back because he thought it would further boost Ben’s trust and commitment to him.Unfortunately for everyone involved, Ben was a lot more jealous than that. Taking an interest in you for the sake of helping Ben was more a diversion to keep Ben from trying to kill any other candidates- getting involved in your life wasn’t significant to a man who was thousands of years old and presumably undying.

Why you? Simply because you were here- because you happened to be on the Island.

But Jacob was no longer a concern of yours. If you were being honest, the thing controlling Locke was barely a concern anymore either despite you not knowing he was already dead at this point. If you were stuck on an island that was crumbling at your feet- tremendous loss all around you- all you could want was to see Ben again.

The Flash Sideways

You looked up, eyes wide and a smile starting to appear on your face as you looked at Ben now. In contrast, he looked horrified, his mouth agape slightly as he furrowed his eyebrows at you, trying to find the right words.

“I’m-” he started, “Y/n I’m so sorry.” The words came out quietly and slowly. There was nothing elegant about the way he spoke them now, it seemed to be pure shock fumbling out of his mouth as he realized who you were now.

You didn’t even take the time to consider what he had said before flinging your arms around him, holding him tightly. The shock remained, his body tensing at your presence, and even more so at your words. “Why are you sorry?”

Ben pulled you away from him gently, looking at you with the same confused expression. “I left you,” he said, alerting you to what was going on now. You had full confirmation that the flashes had appeared to both of you now, but it was becoming clear that you remembered more of your time on the Island than he did. He hadn’t seen everything you had.

You found yourself smiling at him, finding it hard to stop. “Is that all you remember?” You asked quietly, raising your eyebrows at him. Ben continued to stutter at you, confused by your reaction. “Now you’re the one with the memory problem,” you joked, pausing for a second to think of what to say. You watched him look at you, seemingly ashamed as you leaned towards him, trying to nudge something out of him. “There’s so much more than that,” you said, reaching over to kiss him after you did so.

After a few seconds of uncertainty you felt him kiss you back, something registering to him now. When you pulled away from him you saw the concern dissolve in his expression, replaced by a small smile.

“Did you see how many hundreds of times you’ve already apologized to me?” You joked, arms around the back of his neck as he tilted his head up at you now, chuckling.

“Well, what’s one more time?” It was strange- you had known you were already with him before the flashes appeared behind your eyes, you had just spent hours with each other over dinner. But it felt like you had just seen him for the first time in a while. Like your body had been repossessed with all of your old memories. You focused on staying enveloped in the way his voice lilted at you, something sarcastic always threatening to push its way into his tone at any moment.

As you smiled at him wordlessly, unable to offer much conversation- really, was there much to say in light of realizing you had somehow found your way back to Ben now anyways?

“Do you think Hugo is here?” You asked, realizing you had no idea what here meant. Not that it mattered. It was impossible to ignore the glow around him as he seemed to wake up and remember your time together fully. You wondered if you had the same aura around you in his eyes, but it was almost foolish to wonder. Of course you did- of course you were draped in the same divine light to Ben in this moment.

“If he is, I think he can wait,” Ben answered, smiling at you again as you leaned forward to kiss him, your heartbeat racing as he put his arms around you.

You found yourself laughing slightly in response before falling into the kiss, your hand touching the side of his face gently. When you pulled away you looked up at him, tapping the side of his rounded glasses slightly. “I like the new glasses, Dr. Linus,” you said, earning a scoff from him in response. You saw him look down and gesture to your own attire slightly, raising his eyebrows as he did so. “What?” you asked quietly, smiling at him as you did so, “You don’t like what I picked out for my ‘first’ date with you?”

“No, I do,” he said genuinely, his voice breaking slightly as he smiled at you, unable to offer much sarcasm now, for once. There was finality in the way you held each other now- something peaceful present in this. No more getting separated. No more running for your lives or being threatened or anything like that. You could just be here together, and there was a knowing silence that wrapped around both of you and told you that it could be this way for as long as you wanted.

2007

It felt like your prayers had been answered when you now heard Ben’s voice cut through on your walkie abruptly, frantically telling Frank and Miles that Kate and Sawyer were trying to make their way over to the plane now.

As you heard Frank yell at Ben to be quiet through the walkie, you grabbed your own with your hands shaking, almost unable to hold it correctly. “Ben?” You asked into it, a smile crossing your face as you did so. You found yourself laughing out of pure joy, elated to hear Ben’s voice again now.

“Y/n? Why aren’t you on the plane?” Ben’s voice was laced with concern, thinking about his instruction for you to follow Miles and get somewhere safely. He never intended for you to want to stay on the Island- to want to stay with him despite telling him you missed him a few days before. “Why aren’t you with Miles?”

You answered now, some form of breathy laughter still coming through your words as you remained shocked and excited now. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you Ben– I’m not leaving.” You had thought it sounded cliché, but it didn’t matter. You could still very well die here, today, on the Island. At least you might be able to be with Ben.

On the other end of your walkie Ben’s eyes had widened- he had been going back with Hugo and Jack now to the Heart of the Island to try and stop the Island from going down. “Where are you?” As you told him, he began to explain where he was with Jack and Hugo- not as far from you as you had previously thought. You could make it there. You could get there even if everything was falling apart all around you.

You didn’t hear from Ben after you had confirmed that you were on your way there- not knowing that he was helping lower Jack into a cave now and overseeing Hugo become protector of the Island.

Ben’s thoughts quieted as the light from the cave expanded, focused on pulling Jack up now. He found himself with the same confounded look as Hugo when they turned to each other, realizing that they had pulled up Desmond- that Jack was still down there in the cave. It was a realization that came with something less unsettling- whatever Jack had managed to do, it worked. You felt it- Ben felt it, Hugo felt it. The Island had stopped threatening to tear itself apart and had restored itself to a quiet place- somewhere devoid of the presence the smoke monster inhabiting John Locke had brought. Somewhere with a sense of newness.

The containment came at the price of Jack- Jack whom you had just started to reconsider the friendship of briefly before. Even Ben was not beyond reflecting on Jack now, thinking about Jack’s role in his surgery- in saving his life. Jack, who wanted so desperately to get off this Island, now ingrained in the soil as its very savior. He thought about convincing Jack to come back with him months prior, about their brief moments of humanity together.

Ben found himself over the body of an unconscious Desmond, briefly wondering how Desmond would react to seeing him upon waking up again. His attention turned to Hugo as they sat together outside of the cave now. Hugo, who seemed weary to bear a heavy burden now. Ben shared some kind of solace with Hugo, imparting on to him that he could be different from Jacob- that he could do what he did best- taking care of people.

And Hugo, who had two weeks before yelled out that he wanted Ben nowhere near him seemed to trust him now, to seek out his advice. Something changed in Ben when Hugo asked him to remain on the Island- something that finally made him feel accepted. He was wanted. He was loved. Despite everything, he was safe now.

When you had made it to the clearing and found Ben and Hugo- a task that had been made much easier after the Island had been contained again- you found yourself out of breath, more relieved than you had ever felt to see the two of them here now. You almost collapsed into Ben’s arms, holding onto him as tightly as you could manage. “Is it over?” You asked, feeling Ben’s smile on the side of your face as he hugged you back.

“It’s over,” he said quietly, pulling away from you to look you over now. “Hugo is the protector of the Island now,” he said, looking over to him with a kind reverence, something you hadn’t seen from Ben before. There was some implicit respect and trust in the gesture- you could see clearly that he wasn’t jealous of Hugo in the slightest, but ready to serve someone else. “I’m going to stay with him to help out.” The hopefulness in these words wasn’t lost on you. Ben didn’t ask you directly- he didn’t need to. He wanted you to stay with him here, it was all there in a silent invitation.

You turned to Hugo now, who had been in close proximity and smiled somewhat timidly- still processing everything that was happening. You smiled back, giving him all of your attention now. “Can I help, too?” You asked quietly, hoping for confirmation that you could stay here on the Island with the both of them.

Hugo gave you a confused look, smiling more authentically now as he did so. “Are you kidding me? Of course you can stay here, man,” he said. Relief seemed to flood the three of you at once at the realization that everything would be okay- that despite everything and everyone you had lost here, you would rebuild something. Together.

You had moved into Ben’s old house in the barracks, humming along and getting ready. It had been two day since everything had transpired- you had confirmation that the plane had made it off the Island safely and Desmond was sent off to go back with Penny and Charlie. You had briefly spoken to him and wished him well, though he had left fairly abruptly. You couldn’t fault him for this- he clearly had no interest in ever coming back to the Island, though most people wouldn’t given his connection to it.

It had taken some time to get the houses back in presentable order and cleaned up, but you had done it- and you had been delighted to be able to shower and rest in an actual bed again soon, something that you hoped you would never miss again.

You surprisingly had very little time alone with Ben so far- there had been a lot to do after you had made your way to him and Hugo the day prior. Most of your interactions had been brief, marked by you both tending to your injuries and getting cleaned up- more essential tasks for taking care of yourself than a full reunion. Not to mention dealing with things like Charles Widmore’s dead body in your house- something that put a firm halt to your festivities with each other.

But now you had time to actually be with Ben, to speak to him and revel in his company. “Ben?” you asked softly, catching his attention immediately as you said his name. He had been getting ready to go to bed, watching you shift slightly in your spot on the bed. It was your first night staying in the barracks since everything had transpired, and you felt a strange newness about sleeping here with Ben- not that it wasn’t something you had done before. You just hadn’t in years at this point, and falling back into the rhythm of living with him normally was interesting.

Ben hummed in response to you, his eyebrows raised as he waited for what you had to say. You found yourself tearing up slightly, watching Ben come over to you with some level of alarm, sitting next to you.

“Hey,” he started softly, “What’s wrong?” His eyebrows were furrowed at you slightly, but the smile remained on his face as he spoke to you. You thought about how tender the gesture was- how different Ben had already seemed to be. How much he had changed, sometimes mimicking how he acted with you in 1992 when you first met.

You smiled, shaking your head slightly after, “I just don’t know what to say. There’s so many things I thought I wanted to say to you, but really I’m just happy I’m here with you at all,” you said, watching the concern turn into something completely different on his face. It was hard to read, but you at least knew that it was positive. “I forgive you- I trust you,” you started thinking of the other things you wanted to say in more detail to Ben, tears starting to slowly stream down your face as you did so. “I love you,” you said, earning a titter from Ben in response.

He looked at you wordlessly for a moment, his own eyes watering up slightly as he took in what you said, nodding at you slowly now. “I don’t think you realize how much that means, y/n,” he said quietly, the smile on his face growing. In truth, maybe you didn’t know how much or what it meant to him exactly. Maybe you couldn’t tell what he felt- that having you forgive, trust, and love Ben was the best news you could give him.

“I love you, too,” he added, whatever had changed in him recently had started to flourish by way of you telling him that he was loved again now. His ideas of retribution had already started to fade. Your words to him when you met back on the beach a few weeks ago came back to him. You were right. He didn’t need you to forgive him, but he needed to be trusted. You trusted him, Hugo trusted him- Ben had come around to hoping that even Jack in his final moments genuinely trusted him, though he had no confirmation that this was true.

His need for transactional atonement was not fully gone, but it was on its way out slowly- and you were here throughout it.

Meanwhile your need to settle and be taken care of was being met. You could have a life here- you could help Hugo and Ben and more people down the line who would come to live on this Island and you wouldn’t have to run away and hide anymore. You wouldn’t be lied to or missing chunks of your memory.

As you spent the rest of the night with Ben you didn’t feel like you were falling back into your relationship from fifteen years prior, something that your previous connections with him had reminded you of. You felt like you were both new, embracing each other for the first time of many to come.

The Flash Sideways

You sat next to Ben outside of a church as he watched people start to file into it, mostly waiting for John to come by. He was in black- no glasses adorning his face now. The lights illuminated his face now as you studied him, curious as to what he was thinking.

He had been telling you for a while now that he was almost ready to go see find Alex- to try and get her to remember who she had been- and her mother by extension. This proved to be difficult for Ben as he had continuously expressed for you, and you couldn’t blame him. Having to confront his daughter who he still felt largely responsible for the death of was an awful thing- but it was one you suspected he might be ready for after confronting some of the other people from your days on the Island.

“Are you nervous?” You asked Ben, placing your hand on his back gently as a form of reassurance.

Ben smiled at you simply, “A little bit,” he said just above a whisper, grateful for your presence there.

“It’ll be okay,” you said, peaking your head up to see if John was anywhere in sight yet, though it was to no avail.

“I know,” Ben answered, letting his trust rest in you again. You had been patient with him, willing to stay here in the place with him for as long as he needed. That wasn’t to say you didn’t need it, either- you couldn’t imagine yourself wanting for your time with Ben to just end, even after your years on the Island with Hugo and him.

When you saw John coming by, you got up from your seat, going over to greet him personally first. As you and Ben had discussed, he wanted to talk to John and a few others alone.

“John?” You asked, your eyes lighting up as you saw him come by in his wheelchair. It had felt like an eternity since you had seen John, and judging by the smile he had given you, he felt the same way.

“Hello y/n!” He greeted enthusiastically, meeting your smile with one of his own.

“I really missed you, John,” you said, some kind of peaceful closure washing over you as you saw him now.

“I missed you too.” You watched him garner the same peaceful look, nodding at you as he said so.

You had rehearsed seeing him so many times, but now your mind was practically blank as you struggled to string together words. There wasn’t much worth in telling what everyone here already knew- that you were technically dead now, that life on the Island hummed along afterwards, that your connections with each other had changed your lives. But you did manage a few words after all, and you were satisfied with that. “Everything you did on the Island mattered, John.” You paused for a moment as you saw his eyebrows raise at you, listening intently. “You were right…and I just have to thank you.”

John took a second, nodding to himself as he considered your words. “Y/n?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed as he spoke, not making eye contact with you anymore. You hummed in response, wondering what he would have to say to you now.

He smiled at you knowingly, as if he already knew the answer to the question he was about to ask you. “Did you get to see Ben again?”

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