If you have happened upon this, it’s just basically an online journal . I may write about my day, or stories . Who the fuck knows. Enjoy
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Sept 12 2019
Y’all you truly don’t realize just HOW much damage the people who have broke your heart have done until you’re at that point where you wanna be with someone again, then you meet someone , and all these insecurities you didn’t have before because you were alone, and only had your self to care for, come up.
I’m genuinely terrified to over text him bc my ex never even bothered really texting me back and so I just gave up trying and now it’s just a habit to not talk .
When he kisses me it actually surprises me, like dead ass , because I always had to kiss my ex
Bitch he called me pretty and I about cried bc I’ve been my only hype girl for awhile .
I’m terrified but I hope he can be patient. I’m sure he has some quircks too . I really really like him .
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August 29th 2019
I’m just chillin in bed . High . I gotta pee . And I want to write about my sexual life lately .
I have had sex 3 times in the last 4 months . That is incredible . And stupid . I used to have sex 3 times in an hour .
Things have been difficult with the flash backs and night terrors . I have never had those affect my sex life but now when someone touches me all I feel is him, I see him, I hate it . It’s made so much so hard for me . I can’t even touch myself , I feel grossed out .
Weird thing is I’m not sad about it. I think something switched in my head two years ago, sex with my ex wasn’t regular . He may have killed my libido .
But living alone has made me paranoid and I always think something like what I went through before will happen again . Bleh
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August 21st 2019
It’s 8 months later . 8 months . I still love you . Nothing I wouldn’t do to just be able to talk to you . Your smile haunts me . Your laugh , everything . Sometimes I try to hate you . But I can’t . I’m am afraid that I’ll never move on . I wish you would talk to me . I’m sorry for everything I did . I love you Christian . I don’t think I will stop
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Who cares about the day
Y’all man . I’m UPSET . Earlier this year I legit thought I found someone who I could spend my life with since my ex and I finally asked him wtf happened and apparently it’s because at one point I was thinking of moving to Colorado , even tho I asked him to come with IF I did . But still like what . How do I always do this
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August , 9th 2019
I feel bad that I only post really when I’m not doing well. I’m starting my period so like I’m all over . But also I’ve been starting therapy and the way they are picking my brain apart has left me with night terrors . Im having a lot of recovered memories that I don’t need and they keep me up at night . I mean I guess at least I’m finding out deeper issues but now it’s leaving me feel hopeless . I kind of feel like I’m falling out of love with myself . Which then in turn makes me wonder why any one would ever want me again hahaha I am weird and pathetic right now but I know maybe sometime soon again I’ll bounce out of it . But I just wish I didn’t have to have this going on . I wish I could just stop .
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July 26 th 2019
It’s a day I feel like I won’t make it through. I hope I do, but I don’t know
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June, 27th 2019
I just thought of the funniest fuckin prank
I’m going to offer to make dinner for someone and make it take forever but smell really good
But really it’s just going to be like
Broth and soggy cardboard
I am so excited
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June , 26th 2019
It’s my nephews birthday . He’s 2
I found out last night my ex fiancé is already engaged to someone else . It’s been 6 months . Amazing
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June, 24 2019
Weird ass day . I work outside so as I was going to my first job so I headed south about 15 min only to realize I needed to go north 15 min .
My last job of the day I ended up going to the wrong location twice before I figured out where I was supposed to go and look for grass spray painted pink that I never found .
However I did find a cute a baby bird
Then I go out get some tacos not bad going good , come home let out my dog and locked myself out of my place . Why lol
I climbed through a window and almost fell on to concrete steps about 8 feet down
I just wanted to write this down
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