amireallyme

[amireallyme]

wonder how you’re doing. hope you’re well. you’ve been missed.

[amireallyme]

Tomorrow’s my last week here.

Honestly, it feels surreal. I’ve yet to tell you about the news. Wonder if you already know about this yet. I’ve been replaying my intended script to you for the past few days and I really can’t help but feel sad afterwards. How would you react—would you be nonchalant, surprised? Would asking you out for briyani be ok, would you agree to it, would I even have the opportunity have some quiet time with you?

I hope you’ll be working on the days I’ll be working, and even better, for PM shifts for these remaining 4 days. Thank you for taking really good care of me when you didn’t have to. For the briyani you took for me, being a great listening ear, the daily tangos I look forward to.

[amireallyme]

The other day he straight up wrote the password to the laptop. I didn’t need to know but he just did

[amireallyme]

Lately I’ve been attracting unavailable men. At the same time I wonder to myself why I’ve been single all this while

[amireallyme]

wonder if you’re working tmr.

[amireallyme]

“Ok, swab me.”

“Huh?”

“Yes.”

[amireallyme]

“See la, E sayang u a lot.” LOL ikr, can’t let me go

[amireallyme]

You knew the mask we had left was uncomfortable. Your hands were full, yet you still remember about me. Isn’t your concern for me a little too much?

[amireallyme]

🥺

[amireallyme]

cb why today u wear cologne. you didn’t for 4mths, suddenly out of the blue you do. goosebumps for a straight minute.

[amireallyme]

What a day

[amireallyme]

There you go again. Why?

[amireallyme]

Took me some time to figure out the hierarchy of my department, 1-1-3 it seems. I’m directly under the 2nd IC. M has been taking care of me throughout my time here, even more than my own supervisor, though I’m not under his care.

The first day was ok, no formal introduction or whatsoever. Learned how to gear up from one of the staff and my co-worker taught me the ropes. The next day I met M, O, and A. A added me into the WhatsApp group and O asked M to orientate me and keep me up to speed around noon. And that marked the start of our little tango.

1. M, O, and I

This was my very first interaction with M. M and I went to the nearest table and he briefed me while O looked on from behind. Everything was pretty normal until I felt that something was off as his gaze suddenly intensified. Then I noticed that we were actually learning into each other from the two adjacent sides of the table. Couldn’t tell if it was from the questions I asked him or from the pressure of O standing behind him, who turns out to be the IC of the whole department. I dismissed the feeling thinking that even I would feel the same if I were in the same position as him. As of now there’s been 3 instances of us interacting and O just looking at us. 

A few weeks back I was just standing around after being tired from sitting. He walked past me, winked, pushed the door to his office and stopped. He took a few steps back, placed his right palm on the door and just leaned towards me. I honestly forgot what the conversation was about cos I could only recall O wanting to enter the office but M had his palm on the door. I tilted my head and used my eyes to signal to M he was blocking O. I couldn’t do anything cos M seemed really engrossed in the conversation.  She just stood there and waited for the conversation to end.

Recently, I was just minding my business when he stopped in front of me to ask when I was working. I remember watching him fiddle to find my roster in the group chat when I heard the creaking sound of his office door opening. O walked towards the counter, heard M’s voice and turned around. Apparently O was looking for him but he didn’t realised that she was trying to get his attention. 

2. System down!

The other day, one of our systems was glitching. I was attending to 3 people when I felt someone tap my shoulder. We took a few steps back from them and he briefed me while holding onto my shoulder (idk why the conversation was longer than it should be cos I remember the people that I was attending to waited for us to finish our conversation). His face seemed concerned. Although it wasn’t a huge problem but he kept reassuring me. A few hours later when the system was ok, he did the same thing (held me on my shoulder and looked at me at a close distance), although on hindsight he could’ve just given a one liner to continue as per normal. Even till today I strongly felt that he could’ve just relayed the message like any other person would–tap, “system is up”, and walk away. Or maintain the normal business talking distance.

He had to attend to a case somewhere and took a private cab. When he came back, he walked out of the elevator slowly with his eyes glued to his phone and made his way to his office. He looked up, saw me, and asked if I knew how to generate the receipt for the trip. I dont use Grab so I fiddled around the app to help. He leaned against my shoulders and stayed there for a while. Bruh, we were in the middle of the corridor and there was a good 4 to 5 other colleagues at the counter. Feeling worried, I took a step back and asked him to ask others instead.

3. Lunch?

He never fails to ask if I’ve had my lunch every single time, no matter how busy he is. I always thought it was just a form of greeting but no one asks that question more than three times in a day to the same person. There was once he was rushing to get equipment, but still had the time to stop just to ask that question. It got to the point where another co-worker joked that he’d ask for a lunch date one day. It’s been 3 months now and he still does it. It always seems like we could get into a fight whenever I say that I’ve yet to eat my lunch. If our encounter is not about lunch, it’ll be an exchange of winks, smiles, or blinks (lol im blushing as i type this).

I worked on one of the public holidays and one of the doctors bought food. Ofc I didnt know. M appeared and told me about it and told me to grab one packet from the pantry (ive nvr been to the pantry then bc i was not shown to the pantry on day 1 and i didnt know i could be there). I rejected saying that it wasn’t for me and just gave excuses. He went to the pantry, and entered the spare room where I always take my breaks. The room was right next to where I was attending to a person then and I was quite unsettled that he was in the room for a while. His head popped out, told me to leave the person I was attending to and signalled me to come into the room. He arranged the packet of rice neatly on the desk with utensils by the side, “look! I placed them here ok. do eat it later”. Later on he gave me a mini pantry orientation when I shared with him that I didn’t know we had a pantry and if I could even enter. 

*in the pantry, points to microwave*

“We have a microwave too, so just open it later, turn the kn–. Wait. Why am I teaching you how to use a microwave what the fuck,” and we left the pantry. My two other colleagues who were having their lunch were confused as well.

4. Reciprocity.

Ever since I realised that his smiles turned into winks and that he doesn’t interact with the other staff the same as he does with me, I’ve been really careful. I’m already in a new environment and I just want to go through my days here in peace. Knowing that O has seen how M interacts with me and how M openly talks to me in an endearing way has made me really really aware of my surroundings. 

Though recently, it seemed like I’ve begun to reciprocate his actions by accident. And I’m certain I that both of us are getting even more cheeky/bolder with every encounter. 

I have a habit of wiping my hands on my pants after washing my hands. I wore light grey pants and made my way back to work. From the escalator, I could see him walking into the building, so I walked down the steps. I walked too fast and was quite a distant in front of him. As the glass doors open, he was beside me and told me that my pants were wet. I told him that it was out of habit. After we part ways i looked down, the prints were at. my rear and front thigh. Embarrassing. But another side of me asked myself why did he even bring it up.

Apart from form filling, I’d help my colleagues deliver samples to the lab as well. One day, one of the samples was rejected when they usually wouldn’t. Went down, he was about to go up so I just followed him back to the lab. He shared that they were rejected most probably because the person was new and did not know what he was doing. It was a small window and I wanted to point who the person was. I tiptoed behind, busy trying to find the individual when I realised that my left shoulder was already pressing onto the back of his right shoulder. I noticed that he controlled his breathing and his body became stiff. I immediately pulled back, and went to the other side of the window. The guy that rejected my sample was nowhere to be seen and I was already feeling embarrassed. I turned around to make my way to the elevator but instead received a crash course by M on the different machines in the lab. 

Yesterday, he came out from his office and saw me at the counter. He came by and said, as always, in a concerned manner to have my lunch. Before I knew it, I was already holding onto his forearm as I reassured him that I’ve already eaten.

The same day, we were both making our way out after collecting samples when someone suddenly pushed the door. She was taller than us, wore sports bra and tights that barely passed the length of her groin area. We let her in and made our way out. He hastened his steps, and asked, ‘eh can you dress like that?’. I hit the box of samples that he was holding and just chuckled.

[amireallyme]

My 3 months review at RHAE.

I enjoy being here. I work alone as I alternate work days with two other colleagues. One of them left and now there’s only two of us. It’s been a pleasure working with Mr Goh, who covers for my shifts for as many as 9 consecutive days (hopefully not more). He always reassures me that all’s wells and tells me to prioritise my school commitments first. My supervisor is tall, lanky, and walks like a gangster, but he’s awesome. We didn’t converse much until the recent opening of the other department. Since I’m fairly new to this department, it took me quite some time to realise that my department adopts a flat hierarchy; officially everyone has their own roles to play but everyone is ready to cover for each other, regardless of positions, including the managers and bosses. It’s a nurturing environment to be in.

Work was literally what HR told me: helping patients with the form filling. She was right about standing long hours, but I don’t really mind. I get to sit here and there. Every shift is 12 hours and I’m entitled to only an hour of break. Initially I was concerned, but honestly, I have full autonomy of when I want to go for my break and how long. My co-workers have asked if I have went out for more than an hour but I just can’t bring myself to do so. The spare treatment room is for me to use to place my belongings and to have my breaks. I have a desk, bed, and fan all to myself and there’s a vending machine that dispenses free drinks nearby.

TTC is a combination of three departments and I was supposed to be sent there as well. It’s been 1 month since they’ve opened but they’ve yet to settle down. The management and culture there just sucks. It’s gone so bad word about them has spread far and wide across the whole building. 1-1-3. The top only cares about money, the 2nd only appears here and there, out of the three, everyone relies on that one person.

Through my time here, I’ve finally figured out what I want to do, the type of work culture I appreciate and don’t appreciate.

[amireallyme]

I take back what I said, my own manager is nice is his own way. dude’s got my back!

[amireallyme]

And you, another one. Why are your actions w me so different?

[amireallyme]

barely gone for a week but y’all acting like I was gone for a month haha