amore-fics

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge: H

Letter: H

Word: Hope

At age 15, Kaveh had met a young boy, by the name of Alhaitham. Unlike all the other kids, he was not sitting with his darshan. He was alone, sitting by himself, reading a book. He looked lonely, and somewhat sad. For whatever reason, Kaveh felt a pull to talk to him. So he sat down across from him and decided he wanted to be a thorn in his side.

That first day, when they met, this little boy that he barely knew… That smile… Those eyes. It gave him hope.

As years went on, the more time he spent by his side, the more that hope burned and swelled. This young boy, alone, gave him hope for his future. And Alhaitham had already become a rock in his life, someone he couldn't live without. And he didn't want to know what it was like to live without him. Every time one of them had a project, they'd help each other out. To Kaveh, Alhaitham was his world. His best friend, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

And then it happened. The day he never thought would come. Alhaitham told him that his ideals would kill him. He told him that he couldn't stand by and watch him get destroyed because he'd rather take care of everyone else before he took care of himself. But Alhaitham didn't understand. Kaveh's life wasn't important if it wasn't filled with helping people. He was not worth a single mora if he wasn't helping someone with every breath he took.

Alhaitham didn't understand.

And so his hope was dashed as he threw the thesis at the ground.

His hope was dashed as he turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

His hope, his rock, his everything. Shattered. As he decided to never see or speak with Alhaitham ever again.

More years passed. Learning to live without Alhaitham was hard. He didn't have a new rock, a new everything. A new hope. He dove into his work head first. He began to build a palace, and it failed. A withering zone. Of course that was his luck. He begged Dori to allow him to try again. One more time, he promised. She let him, on the premise that she wouldn't pay him a dime for it. He'd already wasted her money. He said yes, knowing that he could make her proud.

And he did.

But where did that put him? In debt. He had to sell everything he owned, just trying to make ends meet. And he ended up on the streets.

No hope.

No rock.

Nothing.

Lambad gave him the light at the end of the tunnel. He'd allow him to stay at the tavern, if he agreed to take care of it when needed. He'd even pay him a bit for the work. Kaveh agreed, afraid that he'd die out on the streets. And on one fateful night, Kaveh was drinking his life away, with the few coins that Lambad had given him for his work. He was depressed and felt like he'd never get back up out of this hole he had dug himself into.

Hopeless.

Homeless.

Nothingness.

And then he heard a voice as he had his face buried in his arms. A voice he recognized but hadn't heard say his name in so many years.

His hope.

His rock.

His everything.

Kaveh lifted his head and his brows furrowed, "Come to laugh at me, Alhaitham? Come to mock me because you were right?"

"Why would I do that?" Alhaitham asked, crossing his arms over his chest, "I saw you over here, looking miserable, and I figured I'd see if you were okay."

The humorless laugh that left his chest caused Alhaitham to take a step back. He shook his head, "Do I look okay to you? I'm the furthest from okay I've ever been. And you're asking if I'm okay," he laughed again, shaking his head, "I'm living out of a tavern because I've lost everything."

Kaveh had to admit that he hadn't expected Alhaitham's next move. The ashen-haired man walked over and sat across from him. He was silent, just staring across the table at the architect, the destitute homeless architect. And the words that left his mouth made it hard for Kaveh to breathe, "My house is just as much your home as it is mine."

Was it though? He'd forfeited that right when he threw the project at him, when he threw the thesis away. Alhaitham was the one that turned it in and told them that they weren't finishing it. Alhaitham was the one who graciously accepted the rewards for what part of the project they had finished. So why was he sitting here, telling Kaveh that the house was his?

After everything he'd said during their fight? After everything he'd done?

"Why?"

"You worked on that project with me. If you need a roof over your head, I'm offering you the one that belongs to you, just as much as it belongs to me. You can take it or leave it. But I don't want to think that I'll leave here and you'll be homeless."

It took a minute. But the realization dawned on him. Alhaitham still cared about him. Despite how he'd reacted to his harsh truths all those years ago, he still cared. He didn't deserve it. Of all people, not from Alhaitham, not from the man whose heart he knew he shattered all those years ago.

Because Alhaitham had understood.

Alhaitham had known.

Even back then, the reason why Alhaitham said the things he said was because he wanted to protect him. He wanted to prevent him from taking the inevitable fall into a black pit of nothingness. The same pit that he had ended up in anyway because he didn't listen to him.

To his hope.

To his rock.

To his everything.

"Okay," Kaveh choked out, putting his face over his hands, "Thank you…"

"Come home with me, Kaveh. Come on," he stood from the booth and held out a hand to Kaveh. Kaveh stared at it for a moment. It was practically shining with a glow he hadn't seen in years. And he knew what it was.

His hope. His rock. His everything.

It was back.

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge: I

Letter: I

Word: Illusion

(The word Ignorance won, but I didn't double check the poll before I wrote. I don't have a lot of time to write, so I apologize. But I hope you enjoy Illusion nonetheless.)

Fate. Soulmates. Red strings of fate. Our choices are all an illusion of what we are actually capable of doing. Do we know that in the moment? No. But looking back on our choices over the years, is there not a single choice that we would actually change? And I don't mean 'Well it fucked me up, so yes I would change it.' I mean, 'My life is where it is now because of the choices I've made, so I wouldn't change it.' That kind of change.

Alhaitham never believed in fate. He never believed in soul mates. He never believed in any of that. Everybody's lives were their own. Everyone got to make their choices. Where everyone ended up, it happened because of actual decisions made, spur of the moment or otherwise. His choice of meeting Kaveh wasn't really a choice, though. It was on Kaveh's end. However, it was Alhaitham's choice to reach back out.

And again. And again. Again. Again. Again. Something pulled him towards his senior. Something pulled him to keep up with him. Never stop. His heart filled with each passing day that he was near him, that he was friends with him, until the day that came that he realized he was in love, the very same day that he lost Kaveh to his blunt words and phrasing. Kaveh was gone because he'd been too brash, too harsh.

But then he came back into his life. It was not fate. Nor was it some kind of gift from Celestia. It was chance. Coincidence. That was all. And when he invited him to his home, to live with him, that was his choice, not fate.

But as time went on, as his love for Kaveh grew ever stronger in the very pit of his heart, it was becoming ever clearer to him. Maybe fate doesn't control everything. Not every single thing in the world. But perhaps it did control some things. And maybe it was what kept Kaveh in his life. The more he thought about it, the more he read on it, it felt like there was no way it was mere coincidence that brought the love of his life back to him.

The first time they slept together was an accident. Pure coincidence. They had both gotten drunk and got handsy. It was nothing weird or out of the ordinary. It felt right, like that was how it should've been. But then it happened again. And again. An unspoken arrangement between the two. They both enjoyed it, but it was nothing more than the raw friction between their bodies when they came together.

But truthfully, it was not just a release that kept Alhaitham coming back. It was his love for Kaveh. His need for Kaveh. He had no idea if the blonde felt the same, or even close for that matter. But he supposed it didn't matter. To him, as long as he had him in his life, that was the important part. Even if it meant he'd live the rest of his life, never knowing what it felt like to be loved in return.

But then it happened. One day, it happened. It all felt surreal, like he was in a dream.

"Al…" Kaveh paused, "Haitham?" he spoke, looking over at the scribe. He turned onto his side, using his elbow to keep himself propped up, "What does this mean to you?"

"What does what mean?" Alhaitham replied, turning his face to look at the blonde.

"What we've been doing. Is it… Is it really just… sex? Most days, you… You are just hungry and lustful. But then there are days, like today, where you aren't. You seem… like you want something else. You don't want to fuck. You want to… make love," he paused, "But still make it so I can't walk for an hour."

There was a pause. Truthfully, Alhaitham hadn't realized that he did that. He wouldn't say that Kaveh was lying because he knew that he wasn't. There were days when he was so caught up in how much he appreciated and adored every single part of Kaveh that he couldn't just… fuck him like a rabbit. He wanted to take his time, appreciate the view, the beauty.

Alhaitham took a deep breath, "Answer me this. Would you want it to be more? Or would you rather stop altogether?" he knew it wasn't an easy question. And honestly, he was afraid that Kaveh would have an answer he didn't want to hear. After a whole year of sleeping with him multiple times a week, he didn't want to imagine stopping what they had.

The blonde was quiet in return. He looked down, his eyes resting on the bare skin of Alhaitham's torso. The silence seemed to last a long time. Alhaitham became worried that Kaveh wasn't going to answer him, or answer the opposite of what he wanted. He almost gave up waiting, he was so close. He didn't want to be turned down, not like that.

But then Kaveh spoke, his words barely above a whisper. If Alhaitham hadn't been so close, there's no way he would've heard him. "I don't know… that I deserve for it to be more, Haitham… I can't… I couldn't give you what you deserve from a partner. I'd be… I'd be inconsistent and I'd be anxious and hard to deal with. I'm dramatic and emotional. You can't even stand me half the time."

There was a soft laugh that escaped Alhaitham's lips as he leaned up on his elbow to face Kaveh, "If you couldn't give me what I deserve, then no one would. Do you think there's a single person out there that I'd rather do this," he gestured vaguely between the two of them, "with? Kaveh, you are the one solid in my life, the one consistency I have, and it's all I need. I'm not going anywhere. I've told you that time, and time again. I won't pressure you, I won't tell you that you can't say no. Just know that my feelings won't ever change. They haven't changed in years, they won't change now."

Alhaitham watched as Kaveh fell back against the sheets and the pillow, his shoulders heaving slightly. And just before he covered his face with his hands, the scribe saw a single tear slide down his face. He was sobbing. Quietly, but he was sure it was mostly because he didn't want Alhaitham to see it. But he leaned down and moved his hands from his face, "Talk to me, Kaveh."

"Why me? You could have anyone you wanted--" he paused, "Kind of. So why me?"

"Because I don't want anyone else."

A soft hiccup left his lips and he leaned up to close the distance between the two of them, their lips connecting easily. Alhaitham slid a hand back into his hair, holding him in place, as their lips moved in tandem. And when he pulled away, he smiled, "I'll be here for you."

"It's rotten work," he muttered, resting his forehead against Alhaitham's.

"Not for me, not if it's you," he closed the kiss once again, holding him close.

Maybe fate does control certain aspects. Those pesky red strings of fate that wrapped themselves around the two of them, binding them together, as one and forever. The choices Alhaitham made that landed him here, in Kaveh's arms, kissing him softly, and never ever wanting to let go. It was all just the illusion of choice.

[amore-fics]

F - Forgiveness

(I forgot to post F yesterday! Sorry!)

Letter: F

Word: Forgiveness

Their falling out had been years and years ago now. In all honesty, Alhaitham didn't think much of it. Granted, it had shaped him as a person. He changed a lot of how he acted towards and around people because of it. He shut himself off from people and did his best to stay guarded. He had been vulnerable with Kaveh all those years ago, and he was afraid to be vulnerable with someone again. If he so much as cracked, people could see the gooey center that even Alhaitham forgot about, given how much time had passed since he'd buried it.

The two of them had lived together for about two years and they never spoke about the falling out, not once. Any time it was close to brought up, one of them ended up changing the topic. For Alhaitham, it was fear that he'd crack in the midst of the topic of the most vulnerable time in his life. He'd long since forgiven Kaveh for the things he said when he walked out that day. It wasn't something he gave a lot of thought to anymore.

Granted, he had never told Kaveh that he'd forgiven him. But in his eyes, Kaveh had not done anything that needed it. It was Alhaitham that was the one that should've apologized. And maybe he should've done it years ago, but it felt like it was too late now. Besides, Kaveh would never forgive him, not after the things he'd said, the way he made him feel. It didn't matter what he said. They were not friends anymore because Alhaitham had said things that never should've left his lips.

Regardless, life was how it was now. They were roommates, nothing more. There would never be anything more, and he knew this. He just had to make sure that Kaveh was at least living and not scraping by like a homeless man, desperate for scraps of any kind. And maybe Alhaitham considered his good deeds toward Kaveh to be his atonement for the way he treated him. Maybe it was his way of making it up to him. But truthfully, none of this would ever come to air. Or maybe it would, some day. But Alhaitham had no intentions of telling Kaveh any of this.

Now, Alhaitham wasn't one to drink much, especially not enough to get… well, drunk. It wasn't that he disliked being drunk, he just disliked the end result where you wake up with a massive headache and a throat so dry, it feels like you're harboring a desert in the midst of your tonsils. Today, though, he didn't care. If he was going to drink, it might as well be a day where he was home alone and could do as he pleased.

However, this was a mistake. Alhaitham had been thinking too much on their falling out, something he hadn't done in years. He kept thinking about the words he said, the way he said them, and the look on Kaveh's face in response. He couldn't stop himself from reliving the memory of Kaveh tossing their entire thesis to the ground and saying that he wasn't doing it anymore, before he left Alhaitham's life, presumably, forever.

In the middle of his fourth drink, Alhaitham was comfortably drunk, but his thoughts wouldn't stop. He was sitting at his desk, amidst various papers he had kept hidden all these years. These papers were things that the two had kept together. Notes, essays, the like. He had his arm buried in the arm that was holding the drink. The other arm was covering the top of his head. He just wanted the thoughts to stop. Did he even deserve forgiveness?

'How has realizing your ideals gone for you?'

Even then, he shouldn't have asked that. Granted, it was a genuine question. Everything he had said that day and the day of their large fight was genuine. They were things he felt and thought, but it didn't matter. He had single-handedly destroyed everything he held dear in that friendship that had bloomed over years in the Akademiya.

The front door opened and Alhaitham could hear Kaveh's voice, "Haitham?" but he didn't respond. How could he? Maybe he'd just move on to his room and leave him be. But, of course, he wasn't that lucky. He heard the steps near the study and he didn't lift his head, "Haitham? Are you asleep?" his voice was quiet, gentle.

"No," came Alhaitham's reply, but he did not move.

"Have you been drinking?" he moved forward and took the drink from him, which then caused Alhaitham to lift his head. Kaveh examined the drink and set it back down, "You never drink that much."

"Kaveh…"

"Let me get you some water."

"Kaveh."

"And something with substance so you don't throw up pure stomach acid."

"Kaveh."

"What?" Kaveh turned to face him once more. He had been about to leave to grab him some other things to help him in his drunken stupor. But now he had his undivided attention on Alhaitham.

"I… I'm sorry for everything that I said during our fight. I… shouldn't have said the things that I did."

Kaveh's brows furrowed and he shifted his weight, "What? You're sorry that you got mad at me for not buying enough coffee? That… you must be really drunk."

"No--" Alhaitham sighed, fully sitting up, allowing his arms to rest themselves on his thighs, "Our fight, back in the Akademiya. The things I said, the way I said them, the way you reacted… I've regretted it for years. Maybe I don't deserve forgiveness from you, and I've accepted that. But I… I've never said that I'm sorry."

Kaveh was unable to move for a minute as he stared at Alhaitham. The scribe was scared that he'd laugh in his face and turn and walk away. But he didn't. He stayed standing there, watching him carefully. The silence was thick enough to be cut with a knife. Finally, Kaveh spoke, "You were right. Everything that you said was right. My ideals are what landed me in that booth in Lambad's where you found me. They are what put me in debt with that witch. If anything, I… I should be the one apologizing for how things ended back then."

"You?" Alhaitham shook his head, "No, you have nothing to apologize for. I got upset because I struggle to watch you hurt yourself by helping everyone but yourself."

That was when Kaveh laughed. It was soft, "It seems like we're in the same boat. I don't think you have anything to apologize for, and I'm sorry for what I did and said. I overreacted and I shouldn't have thrown the thesis in your face and walked off."

Alhaitham stood, albeit unsteadily from his desk, and walked over to Kaveh. Since he was drunk, he really wasn't thinking much. Sober, he would never do this, not in a million years. He placed his hands on either side of his face and smiled softly, "I forgive you and I don't feel like you owe me anything."

Kaveh seemed like he stopped breathing as Alhaitham stared in those beautiful red eyes. When he did resume, his words were softer, almost a whisper, "I forgive you too."

Their faces were closer than they'd ever been in that moment and Alhaitham took the plunge as he leaned in and placed his lips to Kaveh's, his eyes sliding closed, wanting nothing more than to live in this soft, blissful moment forever. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe all of this was a mistake. But that was for future Alhaitham to worry about. Right now, as Kaveh kissed him back, he decided he didn't care.

[amore-fics]

G - Gratitude

Letter: G

Word: Gratitude

"My wife does all the cooking and cleaning. She spoils me. I never have to lift a finger when I get home from work. It's bliss."

There were days when Alhaitham would get home and things were not clean or put away, food wasn't cooked, and he was in his room doing nothing. Alhaitham would have to put things away in annoyance, but he never said a word. Over time, that annoyance built up every single time he had to do it. And he always made dinner for Kaveh on those nights, even though he didn't have to. These were things that Kaveh said he would do, and sometimes he didn't.

And it didn't help hearing his coworker mention that his wife did everything all the time. He had gotten into his head now about it. If Kaveh did everything, Alhaitham could just relax at home and not worry. He worked all day and he was always tired when he got home. There was no reason why he should ever have to pick up the slack.

When he arrived home that day, it was later than usual. He had had so much work that he had to get done before he could leave. This was the same man who would leave early given the chance, or absolutely clock out the second the clock hit 5. But today, he didn't get that luxury.

When he walked in through the door, he set his keys down and leaned down to pull his boots off of his feet and set them down alongside Kaveh's shoes. It was then that he heard Kaveh's voice coming from the kitchen, "Alhaitham?" but he kept taking his shoes off. Then Kaveh emerged and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at him, "You could've warned me you'd be working late today."

Standing up straight after taking off his second boot, he stared at him, "For what? Did you actually make dinner today? Surprising, considering how many times I've had to in the last week alone."

"Oh, so that's what you're doing today? Starting a fight the minute you walk through the door. Great, that's just great."

"Am I wrong, Kaveh? I work all day, and you do what? Sit around and do nothing all day? That's hardly fair."

A humorless guffaw left Kaveh's mouth at that statement and the man shook his head, "Are you fucking kidding me? If I stopped cleaning and cooking, you would have no idea what to do with yourself. You know what? You can find the fuck out," he pulled the apron off over his head and threw it at Alhaitham, "I'm not hungry anymore," he walked off and went into his bedroom and shut the door.

Please. With how little Kaveh did, Alhaitham was sure that he could easily cook and clean without worrying that much. It wasn't like those were hard to do. Kaveh was just lazy. Fine, whatever, if Kaveh needed a reality check, he'd give him one.

Alhaitham would quickly realize that he was wrong. Very wrong. The first few days, he noticed things left around. Cups, books, plates, random articles of clothing. None of them Kaveh's. All Alhaitham's. Oh. He was not in the custom of picking up after himself, as much as he should be. Another few days passed and Alhaitham was struggling to clean and cook while having to work every single day.

And then he discovered that Kaveh had a system to his cleaning. A huge system and there was no way that Alhaitham was going to learn what this… system was without asking. And he refused. No, he was not wrong. Cooking and cleaning was not hard, he was determined to believe that he was right. But as time moved on, it was getting harder and harder for him to do these and work all day. The house was getting dirtier and dirtier.

A whole month of this passed and he realized he had to relent. He couldn't keep this up. He couldn't keep up with the cleaning and the cooking. Kaveh was right, and he had to apologize. He didn't want to, but he had not realized just how much Kaveh helped him in his day-to-day life.

Standing at his bedroom door, he hesitated, unsure of how to even say it. With a sigh, he knocked on the door and waited. When the door opened, Kaveh's hair was a bit of a mess, and his fingers were stained black, likely from the charcoal he'd been working with. Alhaitham shifted his weight, "I'm sorry."

"For what? I was in the middle of working. What do you need?"

"I'm sorry for saying that you do nothing. I can't cook and clean the way that you do. I didn't realize how much you did… Or how much of the mess is mine and you've never said a word. Well… Thank you," he sighed, running a hand through his hair, "For cleaning."

"Sorry, what was that?" Kaveh asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I said… thank you."

"One more time," he smirked, "They say that earnest thanks should be given thrice, so… One more time, please."

Alhaitham groaned, knowing full well that Kaveh got that from him, back after the Interdarshan Championship. He couldn't stop the laugh that left his lips, "Thank you, Kaveh. Now, please, go back to cooking and cleaning. I promise I'll do better about being grateful for all that you do. You work hard, and I forget that."

The blonde smirked and leaned forward, "Well, I'm glad that you've discovered how useful I am. But--" he stepped back, "I don't know that I'm ready to go back to cleaning. I've gotten used to you doing it," he shrugged and shut the door.

"Kaveh!" Alhaitham groaned and rested his head against his bedroom door, "God dammit."

[amore-fics]

“Home”

continuation to this ask (all thanks to miko’s big brain idea 🙏)

took waaay fucking longer to complete than it should’ve

[amore-fics]

E - Enlightenment

Letter: E

Word: Enlightenment

Kaveh had had an extraordinarily bad day. When he woke up that morning, he burnt his toast and the coffee (that Alhaitham had made and left out) tasted burnt and he had not the time to make a new brew himself. After that, he went to meet with a client who tore his design to shreds and ended up telling him that he'd find someone else, who catered more to his tastes. That alone destroyed his day, but then he had a date with a guy who he'd been dancing around the bush about dating. The man ended up telling him he didn't want to see him anymore.

Cumulatively, his day was absolute shit. He went home after all of this, grabbed his coin purse, and went off to Lambad's for a drink. He didn't want to be sober after that.

The next thing he knew, he woke up in the morning to blinding sunlight cascading through the curtains and into his eyes. Wait… That was odd. His curtains were a teal color, not a white and black color. His brows furrowed as he went to sit up, only to feel an arm across his chest. What… He looked down only to see the familiar ashen blonde hair of his roommate. What the fuck?

Grabbing his arm, he tried to set it off to the side before he pulled the covers off. He was naked. And sore. And his clothes were all over the place. Oh, oh god. Had he had sex with Alhaitham? Swallowing harshly, he stood from the bed and, despite how sore he felt, he eventually found his underwear. As he pulled it on, he heard a voice.

"Hey," it was groggy and hoarse, "You promised not to get up before me."

Slowly, Kaveh turned towards him and his brow furrowed. What? When did he promise that? He shifted his weight, "I don't… remember last night. At all. I'm very confused how I went from getting a drink at Lambad's to… your bed."

The scribe opened an eye before opening the other, rubbing them, and sitting up in the sheets. He looked over at Kaveh, "Allow me to recount the tale for you then," he yawned, "I got a call from Lambad, informing me that you were crying and making a scene at his tavern, and he requested I come pick you up. So I did. The entire way home, you were crying about how you were unlovable, undesirable, and no one wanted to have you as their personal architect."

At this, Kaveh winced. Sounded like him…

"When we got home, I told you that you were lovable and desirable, and you asked me how. I told you that I just knew. And you told me to show you, enlighten you how I knew. I hope this…" he paused, "Enlightened you."

"Well, I'm sore, so I guess I'm rather enlightened," he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, "Why would you even want to? What did you gain from it?"

The scribe laughed softly, "What did I gain from it? Having sex with the man that I've wanted to since my Akademiya days. Trust me, I gained something from it," he turned toward the edge of the bed and pushed the blankets off. As he reached down for his underwear, he chuckled softly. Once he stood, he turned to look at him as he pulled on his own, "You told me, last night, in the heat of it, that you don't want to date anymore. And so, I told you that you didn't have to."

"I-What?"

"When we finished, I pulled you into my arms, scratched your head as you laid on my chest. And I told you that this was the start to something beautiful, should you want it in the morning. Drunk you, as the last words that came from your mouth, told me that you wanted nothing more, and that you'd be here when I woke up."

"This… This sounds fake," Kaveh pouted.

"It is very much not fake. I don't see the value in lying to you right now," he walked over to Kaveh and stood in front of him, "Lying to you would serve me no purpose," he placed a soft, chaste kiss to his forehead, "Breakfast?" he asked before he slipped around him and out of the bedroom, leaving Kaveh stunned and unsure how to function after that news.

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge: D

Letter: D

Word: Discovery

CW: angst, no comfort

Alhaitham had somewhat of a well known, but also well kept, secret. This secret was how much he loved Kaveh. He had held this secret in his heart for years, since their Akademiya days. Those around them knew all too well how Alhaitham felt for the blonde. It was obvious, really. But the reason it was considered well kept was because no one told Kaveh. And why would they? What good would come from it?

And Alhaitham knew this. Kaveh would not be able to handle the news. There was little to nothing that Alhaitham could do that was easy for Kaveh to accept. He did not accept good will or kindness from anyone. The fact that he took any from Alhaitham was damn near a miracle. Despite this, Alhaitham knew that he could not handle his feelings. If he knew, there was a high chance that he'd lose Kaveh.

He'd rather live the entirety of his life without ever telling Kaveh how he truly felt if it meant that he got to keep him there.

Despite living together for two years now, Alhaitham's feelings had not changed, not once. There were days when he'd purposely pick a fight or bicker with him, just to see how cute he got when he was flustered or annoying. Other days, he'd remain quiet and let him do his thing. Watching him flutter about the house in a rush because he waited until the last minute to do something was… very amusing.

It was a Saturday morning and Alhaitham assumed that Kaveh was out of the house, as he was wont to do on a Saturday. The man seemed to love going out to the markets on Saturday mornings. Usually grocery shopping, since the freshest fruit was available in the early mornings. When he heard a knock on the door, Alhaitham answered it and let the man inside, shutting the door behind him.

"Ah, I see you have good taste in furniture," the man replied, looking around.

Alhaitham shrugged, "My roommate picks out all my furniture. If he didn't, I'd be living with no color. That doesn't bother me, but it bothers him."

The man raised an eyebrow inquisitively, "And why do you let him decorate your home?"

The scribe shook his head, "Why wouldn't I? It makes him happy, and I want him to be happy."

The man crossed his arms over his chest and nodded slowly, looking around the home, "If he is naught but a roommate, why do you care if he's happy?"

There was a long pause before Alhaitham sighed, "Uncle, Kaveh is my world. The reason is nothing more than a roommate is because I would lose him otherwise. If I were to tell him how I felt, my life would shatter."

"I see," the man replied, "Well, let's have lunch then, shall we?"

In his bedroom, Kaveh had been working on a blueprint on his drafting table, when he overheard the conversation. His head perked up when he heard him mention roommate. And when he said the words 'Kaveh is my world,' he felt like he was going to faint. What? But he hated him, clearly. He spent so much time, twisting his arm and irritating him. How… He'd… have to confront him about it.

A few hours passed when he heard the door shut after Alhaitham said good bye to his uncle. Kaveh exited his bedroom and stepped into the living room, watching as Alhaitham turned around and saw him. The scribe blinked a few times in confusion, "When did you get home?"

"I never left the house. Alhaitham--"

"Are you not going to get groceries today?"

"Alhaitham--"

"If you aren't, I will go. I just need to know if you are or not."

"Alhaith--"

"Kaveh, are you or not?"

"Do you really think of me as your world?"

There was a silence between the two. Truthfully, Alhaitham didn't know how to answer that. He had heard their conversation, when he had thought that Kaveh was not even home. Now he knew…

The silence was deafening and Kaveh finally broke it, his voice shaky, "Alhaitham, why… Why do you see me that way? You know, better than anyone, that I don't deserve that. I don't deserve you feeling this way about me. Tell me you're joking. Tell me that your life wouldn't shatter if I were to leave," a single tear fell from his eyes and he quickly wiped it away, "Answer me!" he demanded.

Alhaitham hesitated and shifted his weight, trying to decide how to answer him, how to say what he needed to say. But the truth was, he had to lie. If he didn't want to lose Kaveh, he had to lie, "My uncle has always wanted me to find someone to live my life with. I told him that so he wouldn't ask. My life would not shatter if I lost you," he turned and walked into his own bedroom and shut the door.

That should've made Kaveh feel better. But all it did was make him feel worse. And he wasn't sure if it was because he knew that Alhaitham felt this way, or because he knew that he'd just lied to him. He'd have to live his life, knowing that Alhaitham felt a way for him that he shouldn't. Kaveh didn't deserve love, and he knew he never would.

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge: C

Letter: C

Word: Closure

When his grandmother passed away, Alhaitham had been in a rush to get all the funerary necessities done. On top of that, he had to clean out her house and sell it. All of this, he had to do on his own. He had no shoulder to lean on, no time to really grieve her death. As he packed up her things, he couldn't help but hold back every emotion he felt. His grandmother, who had raised him since he was practically still in diapers, was now gone.

Alhaitham never truly grieved her over the years, after the fact. He never gave himself the chance to, even when he went through her things. The only time he allowed himself to get upset was when he accidentally broke the hourglass she had made him. It had an extreme amount of significance to him and he had been absolutely heartbroken when he shattered the glass of the edges. It was destroyed and the best gift he'd ever been given was gone.

Upon moving into the house he'd be living in as an adult, he put her things away in a box in a closet. He didn't want to look at them. He never wanted to again. But he couldn't bring himself to get rid of them either. They were his grandmother's things, and while he was not sentimental, she was his grandmother. And she meant the world to him growing up.

Today was the day of the anniversary of her death. Alhaitham did his best to ignore the reminder every year. He had never given himself the chance to grieve, even to this day. And he still wouldn't. He refused. What was the point? She was gone and he knew that. He knew she would be gone forever and he would never see her smile or the way her eyes lit up when she taught him something and he did it successfully...

Sitting in the study, Alhaitham was working, doing his best to rid his mind of the reminder of what day it was. Reading wouldn't do the trick. His mind would wander too far. He heard a knock at the door and he lifted his head, "What?" came his short and curt reply.

The door opened and Kaveh walked in, "As you know, I'm between projects right now. Don't be mad," he held up a finger, "I went through some boxes in a closet and I found something. Since I was in Ksharehwar, one of the things I know how to do is engineer something based on a design. I... knew what I had found was your grandmother's. I remember you talking about her a lot. And how much you admired her."

It took everything inside of him not to seize up at the mention of his grandmother. He clenched a jaw as he stared at Kaveh, waiting for the blonde to finish talking and leave him alone. Of all days, he didn't want to think about her today.

The architect stepped forward and pulled something from his back and placed it on the desk in front of Alhaitham, "So I made it. You... might already have one. I don't know. Maybe it's a waste, but--"

Kaveh's words stopped as Alhaitham stared at the package with an intense fixation. But the scribe did not look up from it. In the box was something his grandmother had designed. He had no idea what it could be. Had Alhaitham unknowingly kept some design of hers? He grabbed the box and slowly opened it.

His breath caught in his throat. It was the hourglass. The same one that he had broken when he was in a rush to sell her home. He put a hand to his face as he stared at it. All those years, every single one, of ignoring how much he missed his grandmother, culminated in this moment. He felt his breath choke out as his throat finally released its hold on the air.

A single tear slid down his cheek and he was quick to wipe it away. He cleared his throat, trying desperately to ignore the impending breakdown that was sitting in the back of his mind. He looked up at Kaveh, "That was... kind of you. Thank you." He thought that would be the end of it. That Kaveh would leave the room and leave Alhaitham to his stupid thoughts that he now wouldn't be able to rid himself of.

But he didn't. Kaveh stayed. He stared at him and Alhaitham took a deep breath, trying his hardest to keep his composure, his calm, while the man continued to stand there. He clenched his jaw, "What? What do you want?"

"I saw that tear," Kaveh spoke softly, taking a step closer to his desk, "I've never seen you cry about your grandmother before."

"Because I haven't. I have work to do," he shoved the box with the hourglass in it off to the side and picked his pen back up to look down at the work below him.

"Ever?" came Kaveh's voice. He sounded surprised, exasperated even, "Alhaitham, you know it's okay to grieve. Your grandmother was a big part of your life. And you've never cried over her? She--"

"No," came the scribe's stern voice as he looked up from the papers on his desk, "And I have no intentions to. She died when I was in my teens. It was a long time ago. There's no use in crying over it now, not over some... stupid trinket that she designed when I was a babe. She's never coming back. It doesn't matter if I cry--" his voice cut off by feeling the other's arms wrap around him, "What are you..."

"You're crying," Kaveh's spoke softly into the top of his head, "It's okay, you can cry. I'm here for you."

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Alhaitham closed his eyes and, for the first time since her death, cried. Having someone to hold him, akin to how she had all those years ago, was something he never knew he needed. And when he opened his eyes, he saw the hourglass and he found it hard to breathe. The tears kept dripping down his face and off the edge of his chin.

When he did speak, his voice was softer, almost a whisper, "She... had made me one when I was a child. And I broke it when I was packing her things. I... I had thought it gone forever..."

"It's not," Kaveh's voice was gentle on the top of his head, "I can make you a thousand more if you'd like."

A soft, breathy chuckle escaped Alhaitham's lips as he picked the trinket up out of the box. It was the closure he never thought he'd get, but it was definitely what he needed after all these years.

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge: B

Letter: B

Word: Blessing

It was one of those nights where Kaveh decided it was a great idea to go out with Cyno and Tighnari. Likely, they'd be playing TCG, because that's all Cyno did with his free time. How Tighnari and Kaveh weren't absolutely bored to tears of them was beyond Alhaitham. And that was exactly why he didn't go. He didn't care to keep playing countless rounds of TCG and watching everyone get absolutely blasted by the TCG king.

Besides, it wouldn't hurt to have some alone time at home with a good book and a steaming hot cup of tea. He was looking forward to the night of solitude before his roommate would come home, so drunk that he didn't know his left foot from his right. Either way, he'd have to deal with him, and likely get him into bed one way or the other. And they'd both wake up in the morning and Kaveh would have a hell of a hangover.

But it was only 11 at night when the door opened. Alhaitham was just about to finish up a chapter when he heard the door open. Kaveh stumbled in, as usual, but he immediately pointed a finger at Alhaitham. The male raised an eyebrow in response. Kaveh shut the door behind him, "You!"

Ah, right, they had a fight earlier that day. A fight that ended in Kaveh claiming that Alhaitham never listened to him and that he should try harder to have some empathy. It wasn't that Alhaitham had no empathy, it was more that he just was tired of listening to Kaveh talk about how he should do this, that, or the other thing for other people.

Alhaitham did not respond, he simply crossed his arms over his chest and pursed his lips, waiting. Kaveh sauntered over and sat down on his lap, causing Alhaitham's eyebrows to raise. The blonde wrapped his arms around his neck, "Just so you know," he pointed a finger right into his nose, "I am a blessing to be around. You should consider yourself lucky that I live with you."

"I do," was Alhaitham's response, "Get off of me, you smell like wine."

"Pfft," Kaveh pushed himself off and nearly fell to his knees. As he stumbled, Alhaitham was quick to adjust so he could catch him if he were to fall. Thankfully he didn't. Kaveh then sharply turned around, "What did you say?"

"I said get off of me because you smell like wine."

"The other thing!" he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I do consider myself lucky that you live with me. Whether it be by choice or not that you do, I feel lucky that I get to live with you."

"Then why do you argue with me?!" Kaveh yelled, throwing his arms up in the air, "You should stop arguing with me!" he demanded once again, throwing an arm out and pointing a finger at him.

"I argue with you because I disagree with you. Would you rather I just say 'yes, dear' to everything that you say? I learn by arguing with you, and I'm sure the opposite could be said as well. Am I wrong?"

"YES!" Kaveh protested, now crossing his arms back over his chest, "I learn nothing by arguing with you! You should appreciate me and treat me like I'm a fucking queen. Because I am a blessing!"

"Go to bed, Kaveh."

The blonde sighed in aggravation and took a step closer, "Why do you treat me like I'm a child sometimes?!"

"Only when you're drunk. Go to bed."

"You'll never see what worth I have!" he pouted, "And one day, I'll be gone and you'll wish I'd never left!"

Where had this confidence come from? It was very out of character for Kaveh. Unless his two friends had been talking him up and telling him that he shouldn't take shit from Alhaitham, which was very in character for them. Alhaitham shook his head, "Did Cyno and Tighnari tell you to say this? Because this isn't like you."

"N-W-Yes," he frowned, "But it's true!"

"Would you think that if you were sober?" There was a long pause in response and Alhaitham nodded slowly, "Well, I wish you would. Good night, Kaveh," he walked into his bedroom and shut the door, leaving Kaveh alone out in the living room. Crossing his arms over his chest, a pout on his lips, Kaveh sighed, "It's not true when I'm sober..."

[amore-fics]

Alphabet Challenge

Letter: A

Word: Acceptance

Throughout life, Kaveh had found himself undeserving of love, care, and kindness. The urge to high tail it and run as far as he could was overwhelming at times. Even though he'd known Alhaitham his entire life, he still found himself in a spot where he felt like the other should not be doing the things for him that he seemed intent to do.

Buying him drinks, allowing him in his home, upon many others as well. It seemed like Alhaitham enjoyed caring for him. And yet Kaveh wanted to deny him, tell him no. He deserved to be yelled at, punished, and reprimanded for the things he had done in his past. There were times he did try that tactic, and Alhaitham simply nodded, but did not necessarily agree.

He knew Alhaitham would never agree.

One night, over a year ago, Kaveh had come home drunk. He fell onto the divan beside his roommate and told him that he loved him. Looking back on it now, Kaveh was sure that Alhaitham figured he wouldn't remember it. Most times, he wouldn't. But he was just the right amount of drunk to say and do stupid things, but unfortunately remember them.

"I know," was Alhaitham's soft reply. He didn't put his book down, insisting on continuing to read while Kaveh was drunk and barely coherent beside him.

"Why do you do the things you do for me? You know I don't deserve it. You shouldn't take care of me the way that you do. After the things I said," he hiccupped, "to you when were in school, you should hate me. You shouldn't have even accepted me into your home."

Looking up from his book, Alhaitham sighed, closing it against his fingers and looked over at Kaveh, "That is exactly why I do the things that I do. You are far too hard on yourself. You pull yourself down to the ground on your own, why would I help put you down? What is the use in that? I care for you, Kaveh. Deeply. I cannot watch you destroy yourself, let alone help you do so. You think you don't deserve what kindness I have afforded you, but I disagree."

A single tear slid from his left eye and Kaveh was quick to wipe it off before Alhaitham could see. Though, who was he kidding? He probably noticed. Kaveh swallowed harshly, "I can't accept kindness..."

"I know. Which is why I will never stop. But I also will never expect the same in return."

The memory was etched into Kaveh's brain like it was yesterday. It was hard to believe that was a whole year ago. Nothing changed after that. If anything, Kaveh noticed more things that Alhaitham did for him. He'd bring him home food or other such things. He'd leave him notes to remind him to take care of himself. Little things.

As the year had progressed, Kaveh did his best, with that memory in mind, to move towards acceptance. If he could accept Alhaitham's affection, then maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to truly move on. He was terrified of losing him back then. But now... Now he could see, clear as day, that he couldn't lose Alhaitham unless he was the one that severed the connection. That was a comfort he hadn't known he could even afford.

It was a Sunday morning and Alhaitham was in the kitchen, staring at the coffee pot, awaiting the finished brew. Kaveh stepped in, "Morning."

He watched as the ashen haired man looked up and turned his body to face the blonde, "Morning," he yawned.

"I... wanted to talk to you about something," Kaveh spoke as he moved closer to the brewing coffee. He leaned against the counter and looked at his roommate, "A year ago, I was drunk, and you told me that you felt I deserved the kindness you give me. You told me that you care for me," he could see from the look on his face that he had, indeed, not expected Kaveh to remember that night. Kaveh hesitated for a moment but continued, "I've spent the last year, watching what you do for me with a caculated gaze..."

Alhaitham shifted his weight, his full attention now on the blonde, crossing his arms over his chest. Kaveh could read the curiosity across his features. He wanted to know where he was going with this. Obviously.

"It has taken me a long time to even be able to look at myself in the mirror and say that I deserve a roof over my head, let alone yours. But over the course of this last year, I've discovered that I'm not losing you unless I'm the one who cuts that tie. And I... I don't want to do that. You said that you would never stop and you will never expect the same in return. But I..." he hesitated again, afraid of the words that were to come from his mouth next, "I accept your kindness. And I am... willing to accept that I..." he pursed his lips.

Kaveh watched as Alhaitham stood up straight, his eyes bearing into him and it made Kaveh nervous. But Alhaitham spoke, "Finish your sentence."

"That I..."

"That you?" he prompted.

"That I... deserve your care and affection."

The smile that crossed Alhaitham's lips was not one that he had ever seen. It was a genuinely happy one. Well, it wasn't one he had never seen, but one he hadn't seen since their school days. Kaveh was scared what would come next. But he had to move forward with what he said. He was accepting of it. Alhaitham closed the distance between the two, "Well, I'll take that. Now we just need to get you to accept that I care about you too."

"Y-What? Didn't I just say that?"

Alhaitham chuckled softly, "You said you'd accept my care and affection, but not how much I care about you. I'm not going to say the actual words until you say them sober."

Wait. Hold on. Back up. Was Alhaitham saying that he loved him? That sent chills down his entire body and he felt like his world had just collapsed around him. Kaveh clutched onto the counter behind him as he stared into those teal eyes.

"Not yet. That's okay. If you can reach this point, maybe you can reach that one too," he turned back toward the coffee pot and grabbed his cup, filling it up, and walking out of the kitchen.

Acceptance of this alone was hard... But now... This might take another year...

[amore-fics]

Hi hi! I'm here from Twitter. I don't know anything about Tumblr. But I'm going to post my alphabet challenge on here for all you haikaveh lovers! <3