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[amumandherthoughts]

The nursery.

When it came to the nursery, I really had no idea what I wanted. We were leaving the gender of our bevy a surprise so we couldn't put paint the walls blue or pink (not that I wanted coloured walls but you get my drift). All I knew was that I didn't want to spend a fortune on it.

When I was 4 months pregnant, my husband and I went on a trip with some friends Alf while perusing a local store we saw a mobile and we knew it had to be in our nursery. It had 5 old timey hot air balloons and all different colours. We fell in love!

So we bought it and made it the focal point and theme of the nursery, casting aside all ideas of lord of the rings and other themes.

It was not long after this that I found the cot I wanted second-hand on Facebook Marketplace. I'm pretty particular when it comes to furniture, so I knew I wanted a drop side with storage underneath. Finally, I found exactly that cheap as chips and it was on our way home from another mini holiday. How convenient!

So the main things for our nursery were sorted. All we had to do now was give the walls a refresh. Easy enough, right? Yeah... I was in my third trimester by this time (and late 3rd trimester at that!), and as it happened, my husband was also remodelling the bathroom. So with some help from my parents we cleaned the walls and prepped the room for painting the next day. Well, then my parents caught covid and couldn't help me paint, so I ended up doing 3 coats of paint whilst being 37 weeks pregnant at the end of summer. Whew, that was not fun! I was sweaty and emotional and thought that I was doing something wrong because you could see the edges I'd done. But that was only after one coat... needless to say, I had a cry and then pushed on to finish the room, and it actually looked great!

My husband finished the bathroom after that and we out together all furniture, put up some shelved and it was done! Hooray!

Having a baby felt a lot more real after setting up the nursery.

[amumandherthoughts]

The birth story.

This is a long one..

I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I had my last 'normal' appointment with the midwife team. It was then that they told me if I hadn't naturally gone into labour in 2 days, then they would have to induce me.

Not exactly what you want to hear with your first pregnancy. Lots of people tell you lots of stories and how induction can be more intense or it was the best labour they'd ever had. Whatever, everyone is different, so I took it all with a grain of salt and hoped for the best.

2 days went by and I had my next appointment where the midwife and Drs recommended a 'Cook's Catheter'. To try and prompt my body to do its thing without the need for an IV.

Well I came back the next morning and still no labour! Shit. I was going to have to be induced.

Ok, so I'm in the birthing unit ready to go (and completely terrified but trying to hold it together).

They take out the Cooks Catheter and I'm 4cm dilated. Great! Almost half way there!!

The nurses broke my water, put the IV in and the contractions began.

Holy shit.

To quote my mum- "they don't call it labour for nothing." Boy, was she right. I had all the pain from my contractions in my lower back, and it was excruciating!

I'd never had anything hurt as much as those bloody contractions! No one told me as much, but I presume my baby was posterior because of all the back pain.

I was using heat pack after heat pack. Having my husband massage my back as hard as he could and it still barely helped! I was using the gas, which I think mainly just helped keep my breathing under control...

After 5 hours, I was ready to up the ante - I asked the nurse for the next step in pain management - Endone.

Well, all of the people who say Endone is the best are all fucking liars. It didn't take any of my pain away, just made me super drowsy and want to fall asleep even during a contraction!

Right, so by this time, I'd had the IV induced contractions for roughly 12 hours, and every time the nurse did an internal exam, my cervix was at 4 cm. There was no change! I could have cried! Well.. I did! And I was exhausted!!!

So the reason it took so long to get to this point was because every time I contracted my baby's heartbeat was waver and so the nurses couldn't increase the hormones to get me to dilate more/faster. They turned it off for a short time, and bub was all good, but then they turned it on, and the heartbeat wavered again.

So the Dr recommended an emergency ceasarean section due to failed to progress. Meaning my body didn't do what it was supposed to and bub couldn't come out!

I was ok with having a caesar, that part honestly didn't bother me. It is what it is and the team I had were incredible.

I had an epidural, which was heaven! For about half an hour. Until it made me vomit and bubs heartbeat wavered again and I needed to lay on my side. Well then the anaesthetic drained to the side didn't it and I started feeling the contractions down the other side again! This certainly wasn't what I expected when they gave me an epidural.

Ok, so after this, we headed to surgery. We're talking 17hrs after being induced now.

I'd never had any sort of surgery in my life. Only ever had mild local anaesthetics!

So when they numbed my torso and down it was the weirdest feeling. So see my legs being moved but unable to feel it. I hated it.

And then, being in the ice-cold theatre, thank God I had my husband by my side because I was downright terrified.

Terrified of feeling pain (which I didn't)

Terrified of the surgery (I would visualise it and freak out)

Terrified something bad would happen to me (haemorrhage or have tools left inside)

Terrified most of all that I wouldn't hear my baby cry.

During the surgery I kept vomiting and felt gross as fuck. The lovely nurse suctioned the vomit from my mouth and all was well.

Bub was taken out, and he cried! So I cried in relief! I can't tell you how much relief I felt about that. He had a bit of a hard time breathing, so I couldn't hold him, and he had to go up to special care. My husband went with him, and I went to recovery (where I slept for 2 hours, apparently!!)

I was then taken to the maternity ward and special care unit to see my bub. So surreal being able to see and touch him! Still no cuddles yet though because he was on the breathing apparatus.

I was wheeled back to maternity and tried to sleep. Though that was difficult being so very numb and worried about tearing stitches or whatever else might've gone on down there.

Thus, my baby boy was born, and I am still emotional remembering these happenings. Very emotional.

It was traumatic and downright awful. Will I do it again? Yes, because it's a small drop in the ocean for what I now treasure more than anything.

[amumandherthoughts]

Let's start at the beginning.

That's generally the best place to start.

I was always that person who didn't want kids. I always found them to sap the energy right out of me and were generally a bit annoying.

Well, since getting married, seeing my husband play with kids and seeing all my closest friends have babies, my mind was changed. This change in mindset happened not long before getting married, and as a lot of people will tell you (too many people..), my biological clock was ticking! .... Yes, it gave me the shits every time someone said it.

So anyway, my husband and I decided to start trying, or rather not not trying, to get pregnant. 3 months later - boom, pregnant.

I must admit I didn't expect to fall pregnant so quickly! And because of that I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was - mentally and emotionally that is. So it took me some time to get used to the idea of being pregnant, having a baby, becoming a mum! So crazy! So not only was I already emotionally unstable, you add the 1st trimester hormones into the mix and I was a total mess. And I mean mess.

There were literally whole days and nights that I just could not stop crying. And yes, that probably sounds awful, but it's not that I didn't want my baby or anything like that, I just didn't know how to come to terms with it yet. And yes, I probably should have talked to someone about it.. but I didn't.

Anyway, it probably took 2 months or more for me to really get over the initial shock, by which time I was vomiting every morning and nauseous all day and so being pleased to be pregnant was not on my radar, I was just trying to make it through the day! But as a friend told me, if I feel like shit at least it means the baby is growing (another thing I didn't really quite grasp until later).

Being so sick, I literally ate peanut butter toast with a glass of plain milk every morning because it was the only thing that didn't make my stomach turn. I didn't feel that my morning sickness was bad enough to warrant medication, but I know people who have ended up in hospital from severe morning sickness, so I guess I'm pretty lucky, really. I also had reflux towards the end, I took a liquid medication for that, which helped a bit.

I'm also a migraine sufferer and was prescribed Maxalt wafers (which are apparently safe during pregnancy). Luckily I didn't get many Migraines whilst being pregnant and the ones I did get were the aura only and no headache. Which has never happened previously!

So, being pregnant for the first time was not a very fun ride for me. A huge number of people told me to 'just enjoy being pregnant'. Yeah, no. Thanks, but no thanks. I did enjoy the kicks and feeling my baby move and all that. But how am I supposed to savour this feeling when I'm throwing my guts up everyday for almost a year, can't breathe, can't sleep and have to pee every 2 minutes? I don't, that's how. So you can shove your 'enjoy being pregnant' up your arse.

So, look, all in all, being pregnant was a shock even though I thought I was ready and it was one hell of a roller-coaster!

Will I do it again? Yes.