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don’t confuse boredom with love

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regrets

i know i said i missed my single days. now i am living them again and it couldn’t be worse. i did everything right, yet that was not enough, but have i even been enough anyway?

and even if he won’t say it, he chose her. i am sarah, i am nicole. and you? you’re living the happily ever after i had planned for us. but i have to accept it. when i was ana, i wanted both of them to choose me. and i don’t hate her for wanting u choose her, i don’t hate u for choosing her either.

but you see, u were my home. and even though i know u aren’t anymore, you still feel like home. you moved out and i am still haunted by ur ghost. a ghost of my own creation.

we are drifting apart each day, we were meant to be and now we are not even friends. i do not regret though. every kiss, every lovemaking session, every hickey, every scratch, every meal, every movie and every song. i have no regrets. i met my soulmate. but, soulmates aren’t always lovers, sometimes soulmates are just soulmates.

i don’t know if we’ll ever meet again. but if we do, promise me that time, u will be over her. completely, totally and annoyingly. over. her.

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the stress of a new relationship got me missing my single days

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this guy hurts my soul

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why is my cycle repeating with a different person? does that happen to everyone? you feel great with someone, like you can be yourself and like nothing wrong is ever gonna happen. everything feels so new, so different. and all of a sudden you fall into all habits that bring you back to square one... like you never learned shit. like you will never learn shit

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“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.” - L.P. Hartley, The Go-Between

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when did instagram become so relevant in relationships?

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hurts.

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“When you need to make a hard decision, flip a coin. Why? Because when that coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you’re hoping for.” - Unknown

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We've got the right words

At the wrong time

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fuck it

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this is what I’ve learned from previous romantic experiences:

From my first heartbreak I learned that you should never force people into something theyre not ready for. Alcohol, Cigarettes and even Blowjobs. Patience is key. Also, keep the relationship to yourself. It is YOUR relationship and YOUR happiness and if Rachel asks, getting into details will only cause Rachel to want it too.

From my second heartbreak is that communication is key. Tell your partner how you feel. If an open relationship is not what you want, don’t force yourself into one and if Richard doesn’t get it, then Richard simply isnt the one.

From my first relationship I learned that jealousy is toxic. Jealousy can damage a person in unimaginable ways. There are things you can and should avoid telling your partner because the result will only end up in jealousy. If someone from your past talks to you and it meant nothing and nothing happened do not tell your partner about it. I am not saying hide it. I am just saying that if Ashley, your 7th grade gf, asks how you are and the conversation stays friendly, why switch up the story or put those worries on your significant other’s head? I also learned that rushing will only cause the ending to come sooner. There is a lot of value in getting to truly know someone before jumping into the relationship. Also, when it’s over. It’s over. Do not go back to someone after a breakup. It will not be the same.

From my second relationship I learned way more than I was ready for. I went from my teens to my twenties being in this relationship and believe me, I LEARNED A LOT. To start off honest, all the previous three relationships were not a learning experience for me back then. I know what I know now that i’m 22, but at 17 when this chaotic relationship started I didn’t learn shit and definitely didn’t payed the attention I should’ve. Here’s what I learned from my last heartbreak: Be aware of your past, listen to your mother’s advice AND LEARN FROM EVERY EXPERIENCE BEFORE JUMPING INTO ANOTHER. Time alone, even when you’re on a relationship is VERY, and I cannot stress this enough, VERY important. Time with the boys or the girls is key, and constantly texting someone to drag them closed will only push them away. Listen to your partner like you want them to listen to you. Your problems are YOUR problems, and your partner is there to support you through them, not solve them for you. People have lives too. You know how when you go do something you get distracted with other stuff and those 30 minutes turn into 2 hours. Well, that happens to your partner as well. Just be patient. If he or she says he o she will call, then wait till they do. Respect your partner and don’t be sneaky. Stay truthful always and do not rage so that your partner feels like they feel like they can be truthful to you. DONT CHEAT and if you do, dont lie about it. Do not act out of spite, do t be vengeful. Once you lose trust there is nothing left for you in that relationship anymore. Finally, being in a relationship does not mean youre ONLY in a relationship. Live Life and let your partner do so too. Only then you’ll find balance. It is important to give each other time to miss each.

With all this I know a heartbreak hurts like fucking hell! It can dehumanize someone from the core. You lose all self worth and forget to take care of yourself. You feel empty inside and that void cannot be filled up. Although, you’ll try. Trust me sex, drugs, alcohol and parties will not help you in any way. Heal slowly, be patient. Only your heart will know how much time it needs and be self conscious through the healing process.

Two years and 3 months after my last heartbreak I am in love again. After I took the time to look back and learn. 

EDIT: We are currently not together and we did one thing wrong. Respect other’s healing process. If Jean just got out of a relationship, no matter how much he swears he’s over it, he is not. Do not get involved with someone who just ended a 3 years long relationship. It will only end up hurting you. Finally, once it’s over, do not text him, just take a break from it and heal.

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a list of things I’ll never do

“Imagínate dañar a la persona que la vida te envió para sanarte.”

—

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I love deleting things. Files . Posts. Memories .

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I guess part of me always thought in the end it would be me and you..

-I never imagined it would be you and her.

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i’m so fucked up that i question every “i love you” you tell me