analyticalfrog3

[analyticalfrog3]

allow yourself to have bad days. allow yourself to feel upset or hurt or angry or grumpy or pessimistic. those feelings will pass as all feelings do, and that day will pass too.

[analyticalfrog3]

Why fellow humans are we so drawn towards suffering?

[analyticalfrog3]

Do you ever look at yourself and think wow I’m so ugly nobody could ever find me attractive and then just accept that you’re going to die alone? Because it happens to me every damn day.

[analyticalfrog3]

You deserve someone who devours you sexually and emotionally protects you.

[analyticalfrog3]

[analyticalfrog3]

I find so much comfort in making playlist. Projecting my heart and soul onto the songs I listen to and categorizing those feelings into silly little playlists

[analyticalfrog3]

no, yeah i'm into some suuuper freaky stuff like my biggest kink is this thing called being desired, being yearned after, being wanted

yuo heard of it?

[analyticalfrog3]

pretty boy laying on my chest so i can pet his hair. when

[analyticalfrog3]

need him to grab me by the jaw and tell me how pretty i look

[analyticalfrog3]

[analyticalfrog3]

I mess up everything good in my life. Live laugh love self sabotage!

[analyticalfrog3]

When you know their answer would be different if only you were in the same place. It’s all in the timing.

[analyticalfrog3]

The curse of feeling unwanted runs deep. It reaches its claws into every crevice of my soul. It’s a deep-seated fear of being abandoned. Of everyone in my life waking up one day and realizing they hate me. Because I’m a horrible person and why haven’t people realized that yet. If i can’t love or even like myself then how can other people? It’s caused by everyone in my life since the day i was born showing me and telling me that i am not enough or that i am not worthy of love and then leaving. Everyone always leaves. Why am I never enough for anyone? I love so big. I love with every aspect of my being. And yet nobody stays. Nobody wants me.

[analyticalfrog3]

wedding - january 20 - black brothers - jegulus - @black-brothers-microfic - word count: 442

"Fuck," Regulus mumbled, scrubbing at his face and turning from the mirror, trying to ignore the way his stomach was doing somersaults. "Fuck."

He was trying not to panic. He shouldn't be panicking. There was no reason to. He'd never been more sure about a decision in his life. But...

"Reg?"

It was Sirius's concerned voice that broke him. That caused the carefully-laid dam to finally crack, allowing the tears to fall. And suddenly, he was shaking, falling into his brother's arms, heaving breaths, whispering his fears into Sirius's shoulder as he gasped for air.

"....can't do this, Sirius! I can't, because then- someday, he'll realize!" he moaned, hardly coherent. "I'll stand up here in front of everyone...make a total idiot of myself and say how much I- how much I- l-love him! And then he'll realize that he's worth s- so much m-more than me! That I'm not- not good enough for him! I'm bloody worthless! And then everyone will know! Everyone will look back and see how stupid I am!" He took a huge breath, still trembling. "I can't do that! I can't- can't give myself to someone like that! I can't-"

But Sirius, who was staring at him with an odd expression, moved forward, clapping a hand over his mouth with a small smack! "Shut, up. Don't talk about my brother like that," he said, frowning. "You are not worthless, you stupid idiot! You're...you're everything! Especially to James, are you daft?"

Regulus gazed up at his brother, eyes wide, mouth still covered, shocked by his reaction.

"James would literally kill for you. He's never, ever, loved someone as much as he loves you, and he's not going to leave you, so don't you dare think anything like that, Reg," Sirius continued, looking almost angry. "He is here, and he loves you, and he's so bloody excited to marry you. So you will get your arse down the aisle if I have to drag you down myself. Because if you keep talking like that, I'll have to go get James, and you know he'll talk sense into you really fast. Okay?" He slowly removed his hand, staring daggers.

Breaths easing, heart slowing to a normal pace, tears ceasing, Regulus nodded numbly. "Ye-yeah."

"Good. Now. Let's clean you up. You can't look like shit on your wedding day, yeah?" Sirius asked, voice much softer, now.

"Yeah..." he mumbled.

"And Reg? I love you. You deserve this. You deserve to be loved," Sirius whispered, sending him such a soft smile that Regulus wanted to cry.

"Alright, don't go soft on me now," he murmured instead, heading to the bathroom to clean up.

[analyticalfrog3]

I was tripping balls last night and had two thoughts:

1. Just because someone’s good at something doesn’t mean you’re bad at it

2. You don’t have to be the best at everything

Just wanted to share :)

[analyticalfrog3]

do you ever think about dead versions of yourself that are fossilized in someone else's mind

[analyticalfrog3]

i’m so existentially bored like i feel the boredom in my bones