anarchayintheuk

[anarchayintheuk]

Stuck in between wanting to say alot and not say anything at all. Like I've said everything I had to say already and I'm tired. Exasperated in fact. But I can't fall asleep and I can't help but feel like Eddie is keeping something from me again. Either way I struggle to care and not to care because I'm tired of asking him to be the things he just simply cant be for me. I'm lowkey tired of this relationship and often find myself wishing I had never truly gotten married in the first place. I have never regretted something but then also not regretted all at the same time. I'm just jaded I guess. To be continued...

[anarchayintheuk]

I had a feeling about today. Maybe I should have just stayed home. I had premonitions about losing you. I could picture myself getting a tattoo in your remembrance. But I pushed those thoughts aside and kept on going in hopes that they could fix you...now here I am still awake haven't slept at all in 24hours. Tired and afraid to take you home. I'm so sorry Seramon. I'll love you forever.

Sincerely your mom.

[anarchayintheuk]

These are my thoughts written down on paper it's my only savior, from not saying what I wanna say. Moments that havent yet been defined and I dont think you'll ever understand the words I can't say when were alone. ..

I dont know what's worse the fact that I'm a perfectionist or the fact that everyone sees such great potential and it feels like I continue to fail them? I just started a new salon recently and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. It's the beginning of my second week and I am so mentally/emotionally exhausted. It's weird being in a salon that has already built a bond or are blood related.

[anarchayintheuk]

“Humans are stupid. I’m ashamed to be human.”

— Kurt Cobain (via nyictophobia)

[anarchayintheuk]

I swear to God one day I'm going tohave a nervous breakdown one of these days...

Ever feel like you work your ass off for something only to be destroyed by things that are "not in your control" and it makes you feel like saying fuck it. Moving to a whole different planet altogether. Wondering if existence is even truly worth it?

[anarchayintheuk]

“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

— Anaïs Nin

[anarchayintheuk]

And I promised myself that I would never go through this again. But somehow you have fallen through the cracks and made me believe in people once again. Im sitting here missing you hoping you miss me too. What is wrong with me? Why will I never be enough?

[anarchayintheuk]

“And it’s hard to hate someone once you understand them.”

— Lucy Christopher

[anarchayintheuk]

“One of the risks of being quiet is that other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.”

— Sophia Dembling

[anarchayintheuk]

“I am hopelessly in love with you. I imagine your deft fingers gently brushing away the tiny hairs from my forehead and your lips stealing a kiss my own, and I think that we could have had a good life had you chosen me too.”

— Anne Kearney (via quotemadness)

[anarchayintheuk]

[anarchayintheuk]

“My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”

— Anaïs Nin (via quotemadness)

[anarchayintheuk]

I failed you im sorry that's simply my life story.

[anarchayintheuk]

And there is not a day that goes by that I'm not thankful to have left Aventura when I did. What a shithole. What a complete waste of time and energy. I am only thankful for those meaningful real relationships I created working there and the shit lessons I learned. Continue to learn as apparently I have a pattern of self loathing, turned attention seeking, desperate lonely houewife. I guess thats what Ive been reduced to now a days...it's been about 5 years since my last obsession with my scorpio. I thought I was soing alot better but in alot of ways I just got better at hiding it and lying too. Guess this is what happens when you turn 30 you become way too self actualized never ever truly allowing yourself to be happy. Im so done officially with this whole attention seeking bullshit. In a really fucked up way it actually backfired. I got it out of the way and now it just proves that I am good enough. Sad and pathetic as that sounds. Im a constant failure but atleast im making progress. It seems as if the farther I stay away from aries the more God blesses me. Just wish he would work on him too. It sucks being an empath. Feelings are irrelevant. I think ill post more when I have more positive things to say?

[anarchayintheuk]

Liar Liar if were keeping score?

Been going theough some deep shit today. It's like the closer I get to any sort of happiness the closer I am to death. I exaggerate alot just so you know...it's like I'm fighting a losing battle between myself and my insecurity; my self worth and my doubt; why can't I be happy? Finding myself entertaining unclean thoughts. I get urges sp bad it's almost become normal. So much for being a better person in 2019.lately I just feel more like a hypocrite 99% of the time. Never even believing half the shit that comes out of my mouth half of the time. Theres so much I want to say but just can't. Please send help!

[anarchayintheuk]

And He said to me: "dont be so desperate to keep relationships that it causes you to lose or question your morality..."-God

Woke up and this was all I could think about...really hoping it sticks this time... I had alot more say to day today but im still processing..🙄

[anarchayintheuk]