anaselftalk - Tumblr blog

[anaselftalk]

trying to fast for 48 hours. any tips?

eat. fasting just fucks up your body and your metabolism. you’re worth more than an arbitrary number and food will nourish you not hurt you. stay safe. ♥️

[anaselftalk]

Count your calories, leave food on your plate, don't eat that chocolate that everyone else is eating, get full on green tea, drink 2.5L of water a day, go to bed early, wake up early and watch the sunrise, do those star-jumps, do 100 extra crunches, don't skip that workout

[anaselftalk]

People are noticing my weight gain!!! So much for making people jealous huh. Now they are laughing at you. Laughing behind your back.

I am legit tired of being fat and ugly. Emotionally I am doing much better. But why did it have to get better after I fucked up and gained so much? This only makes me feel so guilty. I want to lose it all back. Get back to normal weight. I don't know what is happening. I hate it and I am so frustrated. I NEED to be strict with myself. Why did I ever let go of myself. Stupid bitch. Hate hate hate hate this soo much.

[anaselftalk]

christmas

okay but imagine this:

• being able to wear long jumpers and knee highs

• soft knitted jumpers to keep you warm

• holding a cup of warm cocoa between your long, slender fingers

• red lipstick coinciding well with your sharp cheekbones

• even tacky christmas jumpers looking good on your slender frame

• messy buns showing off your jawline

• having to find the smallest gloves for your now thin hands

• watching christmas movies and not feeling bad when seeing all the skinny actresses

• curling up in bed with bundles of blankets because you need the heat now that all of your extra fat is gone

• being able to nibble on the chocolate you get as presents and not feeling terrible about it

• going to christmas parties and looking the best in the room

• finally feeling good about yourself

[anaselftalk]

imagine looking like this 🔆

[anaselftalk]

The perfect day:

You wake up to the sound of your alarm. You sit up and feel your long hair fall down your back. It’s messy, but it still looks cute on your adorable petite body. You push off your soft covers to reveal your beautifully long and thin pale legs. You twist off your bed and head to your bathroom to get ready. You brush your perfect white teeth and put on a small amount of make-up. Your thin face doesn’t need very much make-up as you’re already beautiful. You smile before heading to your closet to pick an outfit. This was the easiest part of your day seeing as everything looked great on you. You pulled out a cute crop-top and some white high waisted shorts. You put them on and marvel at how good you look. Usually your always modest but for some reason today, the light baby pink of your crop-top and the snowy whiteness of your shorts compliments your tiny body. You put on some matching knee socks and finish off your outfit with a pair of white converse. You look great. You head downstairs to have a quick breakfast that mainly consisted of coffee and then you were out the door on your way to school. All throughout the day peoples heads turned and their jaws dropped. You’d hear jealous whispers of other girls as they stared you down and could feel every single guys eyes on you. But instead of feeling small and intimidated like you used to, you held your chin higher and walked prouder. None of them thought you could do it and here you were. After school was over you went on your daily jog with some friends and then headed back home. After a quick snack of some apple slices you headed upstairs to do homework. You breezed through all your work easily and after you finished, put everything back into its organized spot. You pulled out your phone and your slim fingers danced around Tumblr until your phone started buzzing. A notification had popped up. “Weight check time” Suddenly you were excited. You rushed over to your closet to pull out a pair of cute pajamas before running into your bathroom and stripping your clothes off. You took a deep breath and stepped onto your scale. After a moment your weight blinked at you. You couldn’t believe it, your goal weight was staring back at you proudly. You did a little dance before putting on your pajamas and rushing back out to notify your lovely Tumblr followers. You went to bed feeling proud that night.

Stay strong lovelies. You’ll reach your goal some day.

[anaselftalk]

[anaselftalk]

[anaselftalk]

[anaselftalk]

why i'm losing weight

- i want a sharp, angular face - i want skinny wrists that look delicate - i want a skinny neck so i can wear chokers - being a DDD is no fun, i want to wear bralettes - i want a snatched waist - i want to not have a muffin top - i want thighs that don’t bounce with every step - i want defined kneecaps - i want to look skinny, even next to my boyfriend and friends who all look like models - i want to wear the clothes i’ve never been confident enough to wear - i want to no longer feel like a failure - i want to be proud of myself for once - i no longer want to hate myself - i want to be the best that i can be

[anaselftalk]

reasons to be thin

•bony aesthetic fingers •to be easily picked up •looking good good in anything •the ability to drive without feeling my fat bounce at every pothole •to not be the “fat friend” •to hear “you’re so skinny!” and not “you’re not fat” •to not be judged when eating something unhealthy •feeling full after one small meal •waking up in the morning and not hating my body

[anaselftalk]

For me

It takes time. You know this. You know you won’t hit your UGW tomorrow morning. And it’s okay. Accept that. You might lose one whole pound or stay the same weight. But you will get there. No matter what it takes. I know you’ve been struggling recently and it seems no matter what you do you can’t reach your next GW but you will get there. Maybe in a few days maybe in a few weeks. No matter the time you are getting to your goal weight. So don’t give up or be discouraged. I know it’s hard to see a difference but one is there trust me. So just accept this will take time.

[anaselftalk]

You're not hungry. You're just bored. Learn the difference.

[anaselftalk]

imagine

You are at your home, You invited a few friends over,you’re having a slumber party. You dance around with your friends wearing a t shirt and cute panties. You move so gracefully with your delicate thin body and your stick like legs. All your friends look at you in jealousy, they know you are the prettiest one there. You show them the new cute XS clothes you got, your friend wants to try it on but she won’t even ask because she knows she’ll strech them out. The hottest guy at school texts you, he wants to go out with you. You used to be so shy and insecure around him but now you are the hot cool girl,you have nothing to be insecure about. You show your friends the text and they all screm like little girls but you’re not even sure you want him, you can date anyone you want, everyone wants you. You can do anything now, you can pull off any kind of look. you’ve rached all of your goals. you are thin, you are perfect, you are flawless.

[anaselftalk]

bloom bloom

San Diego, California

instagram

[anaselftalk]

Binging

If you don’t know what binging feels like, I guess today is your lucky day.

See restrictive eating disorders are 100% based on discipline, being in control of the situation. Binging is loosing all control.

You can be sitting, in your room, doing something completely unrelated to food. All of the sudden, you get this feeling in your mouth (not in your stomach, because, then again, you don’t need to be hungry) like you need some… flavor? Just something in your mouth. So you tell yourself, once again. “No, I’m not doing this. I’m stronger, and I’m not about to ruin my progress.” But before you know it, your legs got up. They’re walking towards the kitchen. You can’t think. You can only picture that one thing you really do want to eat.

‘I mean a couple hundred calories won’t ruin my progress, right?’

So you start small. Maybe a cookie here and there; always counting the calories in your head.

But slowly you loose control. Hell, you’ve never BEEN in control!

You’ve already started, might as well continue, if you’re going to gain weight! You can’t stop. Even if you don’t like the foods. Even if you are full to the point where you feel sick.

Then, for the rest of the day, you keep doing it. When you get the slight feeling that your stomach isn’t about to blow anymore, you go back, for smaller snacks.

And if you try to purge, and forgot to drink water during the binge; well good luck.

You can already feel your body getting fatter. You face getting swollen. All the weight you lost, is back. You’re fat again. Congratulations.

[anaselftalk]

And Genevieve by Outcast Youth. Personally my fav

Eating Disorder playlist

- Pretty Hurts, Beyonce

- Teen Idle, Marina and the Diamonds

- Dollhouse, Melanie Martinez

- Happy Pills, Weathers

- Mrs. Potato Head, Melanie Martinez

- Unsteady, X Ambassadors

- Medicine, Daughter

- Hurts Like Hell, Fleurie

- Fire Meet Gasoline, Sia

- Breathe Me, Sia

- Skinny, Edith Backlund

- Scars To Your Beautiful, Alessia Cara

- Who You Are, Kurt Hugo Schneider

- Smokestacks, Layla

- Cake, Melanie Martinez

- Six Feet Under, Billie Eilish

- In This Shirt, The Irrepressibles

- Goner, Twenty One Pilots

- Water, Jack Garratt

- Come and Get It, Problem Child