andi2day-blog

[andi2day-blog]

Diary of a loon

Oh for the love of the sweet baby Jesus! Now im a complete moron, (been checked) I’ve got weird insomnia again, in the worst possible way! I could say my life is fucking easy, its not, I have a family, that could make the Borgias, look wholesome! My career has went down the toilet, I have no love life, I have the needs of a monk. Yeah, everything’s fucking peachy, no understanding why I need the fucking happy pills! Its the ‘nobody loves me, everyone hates me, think I will go and eat worms!’ Pish that I normally spout! I am sick of blaming my life! I am going to take it back! Its starting next fucking year, going to get out my comfort zone, and start living again. First my family... Its not going to change, we are all idiots, all in fighting, and it probably will go on. But at least the house will calm down next year, when my brother and his family move finally out. I know what its like to feel a outsider in your own home. Is very weird being the middle child. Your not the first, the one it all started with, your not the first girl, your not the last, (thank fuck, not needing to go through that fucking pain again!) No you are the short, fat, gay middle child! The Asperger’s doesn’t help ether, as you live in your own wee world! I was always a odd child, Never went to playschool, Had to be physically dragged to my first day to school. Was the social misfit at school, so much so that had interviews with a phycologist at school. That went down VERY well with my classmates! Side note I FUCKING HATED SCHOOL, not only hated it, anyone who now has the urge to say “schooldays are the best days of your life,” I have the strong urge not to kill! Children are evil bastards, oh don’t get me wrong I love my nieces and nephews, but only for short periods of time, you can hand them back, I have never had a need for one of my own! In school, I was heavily bullied, very vicious! Mainly because I was different, I didn’t play football, (still don’t have a clue what the fucking ‘sport’ is about!) I was a loner, in my own wee world, (Asperger’s again!) academically, I was good at reading, everything else was shit! That was primary, secondary, was a fucking living nightmare, this is when the whole ‘gayness’ kicked in, and when children catch on, they are fucking vicious! Its like a shark going in for a kill, I suppose its the old phrase ‘kill or be killed,’ find fault in the weak member of the group, and take aim at them, to hide your own insecurities, I was just too stupid to not focus that on someone weaker them myself, but hoo-hum! I take a wee bit of solace, that they are middle aged like me now, in a dead end job, wee evil brats themselves, that have them up to high-doah! The career, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! What career? Its a shitty call centre! A IDIOT WITH ASBERGERS, (NOT KNOWN FOR THEIR EMOTIONS,) trying to deal with the great British publics problems! They are also not known for their own emotions, and like children can be vicious bastards! Especially if they want something and you cant give it to them! Then the knife comes out and held to your face, and woe betide you defend yourself, you might upset them, they could get angry, and leave the account! Oh no, a loss to the world!  See a pattern here? I’m a fucking glutton for punishment! A masochist, why don’t I just same myself the bother, and pay some ‘dom’ take whip the fuck out of me! The love life! Ahhh, I make jokes about my appearance, well you would, if you were me. Its an excuse! I am fat, ( I could exercise, but what’s the point, we can deal with that in later posts,) I have the face of a smacked arse, all goes down well with the image obsessed, tanned, plucked and tits as big as my mums, gay society I live in! Again see a pattern? I do like to make life complicated! This I do see is one not in my making though, I flatly refuse that you can become gay! You are born this way, get fucking used to it! (don’t get me started on the god botherers, I could write a book, on the shit, they miss-interpret, on a fucking book written 200 years after the birth of anyone in the fucking thing!) Also the Asperger’s doesn’t help! I have a need at the moment to live with my family, I don’t like change! (one of the symptoms.) I also live with a family that ‘put up with my gayness, but if I did anything like bring a man home, fuck! (well lets just say I wouldnie get fucked!) Also I have deep insecurities, see above, so when I talk to someone, I ether get carried away, and say something inappropriate, and insensitive, (another symptom!) Or the wee paranoia thing in my head says, “this is bad, ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! You are a fucking failure, he will take one look at you and run!” Ahhh my sad life, it would be one of those, shitty sitcoms, if it wasn’t so fucking tragic! Anyhoo, have spilled my guts enough for one night, away now to tan my wrists! Nightie !ight

[andi2day-blog]

Diary of a loon

As you know I have been trying my arm, to find my other half. God its so fucking boring! And people are fucking idiots. Lets take away, as mentioned before, the lets not get to know the person your shagging, lets do it in a park behind some fucking bins! No the wonderful world of internet dating, gives me the impression, I wont ever get my cock again! First there is the profiles, who set out their wants like a fucking shopping list, and whoa betide anyone who doesn’t measure up, I once saw a profile that started that he was a carefree, mellow guy, and spent the remaining part of the description, telling people what the persons personality should be, or his hole would be closed for business. Then there is the in relationship bunch, yes go on a dating site and tell everybody, even if you do click, there is no such thing as fidelity, and he will be dipping his wick into the next hottie he sees in a pair of Calvin’s! Apart from the fact, its down right insulting, that here’s me billy no mates, looking for Mr right, and he’s got one, but he’s more man, to have more than one, its his right! That also brings me onto point two It gives the impression that all gays, cannot remain faithful, that we are gagging for cock round every corner, and that we are no different to rabid dugs! Then there is Mr invisible, I am no a picture, but even I put myself out there for all to see, if you want a man, you at least give him a chance to see you are John Merrick, before you meet. But some, and you will laugh don’t have any picture, any description, so you have a chance of talking to, a five year old wean, a group of rugby dicks, or Dennis Neilson, I had one profile pinging at me, “hiya sexy! ” it said, no picture, no description, he got binned! And then you wait for hours, for that special Bing, Nothing! Its like the school disco all over again, you the wee wildflower in the corner, staring at your watch, and wishing for it to be the time to go home! Why do we do it? Well with me I get urges occasionally, to get out my own wee world, to stop me even going further mad, then I get bored, lose interest and go back to my books, then to repeat the cycle 2 months down the line, Asperger’s, a low boredom threshold, and what looks to be like a masochist personality, man my head is fucked! And I do set such high hopes for myself, I want a husband! I want a house by the sea! Where am I looking? On some seedy website making money out of saddos, with people looking for their rocks, rather than real love! I am now away to play tig with a train, night

[andi2day-blog]

Diary of a loon

Hello there! Welcome back to round three of the catastrophic life of a village idiot, me hurrah! First some observations, I am a complete moron, when it comes to interpreting people. Its the Asperger’s I suppose, I don’t react well to the people around me, this can be labelled as, ‘cold,’ ‘unfeeling,’ or just plain ‘weird.’ Its not done out of any malice, I just see the world differently, and in my own wee world. I could quite happily, rent a wee house by the sea, and as long as I have my kindle, my paints, and a internet access, I could happily stay like that till I croaked! I am also losing interest in tv, Its becoming so fucking repetitive, boring, and full of dicks, trying to beat the odds, and become famous, cos they can sing ‘real good’ at parties, and their dying gran told them on their death bed, on her last breath, ‘that she wanted little Johnny to do x factor, as he’s so bloody great!’ in reality, Johnny is fucking awful, and Simon ‘im a utter dick’ Cowell, fucks on autotune, a lovely device that makes a noise of a cat getting swung around your head, to the voice of little Alaid Jones, so in effect your paying on phone votes, a fucking computer, that sings, and the sheep who watch this shit, in their millions, phone a preimum number to vote, no wonder Cowells, laughing all the way to the bank! I would rather watch 2 hours of a cow shitting, than watch that gumph! I was also a big fan of the ‘informative murder porn’ on the Information discovery channel, or the crime and investigation channel. Basically the premise on EVERY SHOW! Is that Americans, are fucking evil shits, who like big guns, like killing people, like cheating of their respective spouses and doing them in for the insurance. It must be fun in the claims centre hotline, “Mr Smith, I am sorry to hear your wife had that awful accident, slipping on that discarded banana skin, falling backward down the stairs, onto a box of rusty knifes, you were taking away to be cleaned, now in what denomination do you want your blood money in?” And I watch this shit lapping it up, partly to get tips, and partly for the car crash television, it is! We like watching someone on the lowest point of their life’s. We are voyeurs on misery, that’s disturbing! It got to the stage that I had to stop watching it, as I was predicting what would happen next, like a fucking psycho! Then there’s the dreary reality shows, please can someone explain the point of the Great British Bake-off? One hour of dicks in a tent making a jam sponge, AND IT WON AWARDS! I am going to put forward next years tv buyers a new format, ‘flies round shit’ a heart-warming 2 hour program for 20 squillion weeks, where the flies hover round the shit, and fuckwits pay $20 a min to phone in and vote off a fly that you didn’t like. And watch the money for old rope flood in. Well enough ranting the now, I am away to self harm, to the Go Compare adverts, wish me luck!

[andi2day-blog]

diary of a loon

I have been putting up my hole for rent on dating sites, like a cheap whore! I know cheap and tawdry! But thought I need a wee cock to play with once and a while, (rather than my own.) Fuck its hard to navigate, the minefield of, lets be blunt, DICKS out there. In the old days you went to a bar, you got to know the person you were going to give yer ‘flower’ to, now its ‘ready to fuck’ is one of the first words typed to you. Lets be fair, the photo may be Brad Pitt or, Leonardo De Caprio, but that’s a fucking face. Meet him, and could look a cross between the giant haystacks, and Fred west, with the axe to go with it. I do think I must be a prude, because my idea of foreplay is not trying to get someone’s limp dick up, in bush, at a park! Also I am looking for a partner, the last thing I want to know is he is in some ‘open’ relationship, to me that’s fucking cheating! I also don’t want to share, I hated it as a child, im a 39 year old man, im sharing no bone! Then there is the ones chancing their arm with no profile, no description, just a ‘fancy a fuck!’ like you are some whore on the street, touting her wares. The weird ones I have began to notice is the ones with the list of what they want before even speaking to them, like you have to pass each one before you get to the next level. Don’t get me started on the ones that pose with a girl, in their picture, ‘does she watch?’ I am on the downward slope, the Asperger’s doesn’t help! I can make the witty replay, but then I freeze up, and want to bail like a dick! Then the paranoia kicks in and the self doubt. I am no a picture, I have said this before, but I fell out the ugly tree, and fell and hit every branch on the way down, for added measure, the tree was struck by lightning, and fell on top of me! I do have a good ass, and reasonable fireman, (Christ I called my cock a ‘fireman, I don’t deserve a man!) Its Mr fucking brain that steps in and says ‘ARE YOU SURE? DO YOU WANT TO TAKE 50/50? FINAL CHANCE FOR THE JACKPOT’ then I bottle it, and im back to fucking the start. Its not that I am screaming to be the mad old cat lady reeking of pish! I really am not! I want company and a future with a man, like the next man, but when I look at the next man, im fucked, and not in a good way! I suppose I have two options then, become a monk, and give it all up for the baby Jesus, or fuck a one foot in the grave, one on a rollerskate, rich oil squllionare, tug him off to a marriage, then when he croaks it, use the money to run away with the pool boy, Pablo, hung like a grand national winner. I thank that would be the only way I would get a bit now! Fucking depressing isn’t it! I am away to lick a electric outlet

[andi2day-blog]

Hanging round the docks again!

[andi2day-blog]

The Tony Blair, 'happy Xmas, or I'll come round with a baseball bat' Christmas card range $50 for you or I'll set him on you! 'Leave it Tony, not yet till we get the money'

[andi2day-blog]

diary of a loon

Do you think I have the touch of Deirdre Barlow going on? I do have one of those faces that a paper bag would help, not that I am saying ‘aw poor me, lets going eat worms’ its just a fact. So this makes it hard to be a gay man, because, if you have not got the looks, or the body, the next step, is make them laugh their way into your bed. This doesn’t always get results, as the kind of guy I am into, the D.I.L.F. only wants the beautiful youth, and mine passed in a blazing rush. So I have to work doubly hard to get my Nat King Cole, the other draw back is todays, pulling, in the old days you went into a bar and started chatting with the guy that interested you, NOT ANYMORE! These days you have to go onto apps like Grindr or Gaydar, and hope to attract the eye of some weirdo like your self behind a screen. We don’t get to know the people we are fucking anymore, we want sex and we want it now! Now I am all for hot and passionate sex, like any warm blooded mammal, but I despair at the inevitable ‘fancy a fuck now’ and a shameful bonk in a park bush is no my cup of tea. Call me old fashioned, but I would like to get to know a person before sticking is cock in my mouth! But alas, as mentioned in my previous post, the world is fucked, and when you can see idiots on MTV, fucking away like a game of KERPLUNK, what hope have you! And personally myself, do not wish to be the wank experience of some perv, wanking onto a car window, as I pleasure ‘Mr big’ inside. Dogging is a ideal word for this activity, as your not human, your an a Doberman pincher that is in heat. Then there is the walk of shame from the bed in the morning, where you look over and see the car crash, you allowed to fuck you! And your wishing for the TCP and the wire wool, for your cock afterwards. The only thing now is to collect your clothes and get out as fast as you can before he wakes. Also with my type (the D.I.L.F.) there is a chance you are really picking up a dad, with a wife, and that makes you the wee scrubber on the side. Aww how I do like to be that cheap! I have had experience of this, met a guy on line, the warning signs should have been there when, there was a very, tinywiny, description, in no way did it scream, ‘I AM A MARRIED MAN, GOING FOR A BIT OF NAUGHTY BEHIND THE GAY CURTAIN’ otherwise it would be a polite thank you but no! But I was young, and I wanted the cock! It should have clicked, that he called the shots, he’d have to call, & text me, not the other way around, but I repeat, I wanted cock! Weirdly though, when he’d call or text me, and I was busy, you would think I was the bastard. Hey ho. But It came to a head the loving husband, was caught one night, by wifey, firing into someone else, he was chatting to online, and his ass was history. I would have no way took him on after this, one he lied to his wife, and secondly lied to me, giving the impression he was a gay man. Was I to get cheated on, the next time he logged in? I could go on listing my so called lovers, and how shit they are, but it would be spite, and some of them, I did genuinely like! Though with age now, sagging bits, and the like, the closest I’m going to get a feelup, is by some big burly nurse in a home, when I have shat myself, and they are cleaning me up! Oh something to look forward to. Personally mysel, i’m hoping to be sectioned, and locked in my own wee padded room, with a zip-up-the-back jacket, and pumped with so much happy pills, I would know which way is up! Fun times!

[andi2day-blog]

Me deep inside (2017)

[andi2day-blog]

Diary of a loon

Well sitting down children? Let me begin. Andipandypoos, was born, a long time ago, in a hick back water, in the year of our little baby Jesus, Nineteen seventy eight. Mother at the time FLO, was going through labour at the time, and about to deck the ambulance guy in the throat, because he was going through all the bumpy back roads to the maternity hospital, deliberately, as he said to my mum, he has never delivered a baby before in the back of a ambulance, now as a side point, I don’t know if you are aware that in those days, mothers mainly delivered children without the aid of drugs, so at this time she was in a, how can I put it A FUCKING LOAD OF PAIN, AND WOULD, IF WITHIN REACH, GLADLY RIPPED THE GUYS COCK AND BALLS OFF! but alas I was not born in a ambulance, but in Alexandra hospital, in the shithole of Coatbridge, little fact the hospital changed from a maternity to a nut house shorty after, and I am glad to say I have been a card carrying mental for the rest of my life. So here we are in 2017, a gay, furry love bomb, artist, aforementioned mental, the world is going to the shits, guess what children it FUCKING RELIGION tm that has caused it! Here’s the thing we are humans, and we are ALL DICKS, we are arrogant, we believe we are at the top of the food tree, we fucking aren’t, we are ALL scared to death, ironically of death, so we make up things like ‘afterlife’ and ‘god’ and the ‘wee baby Jesus’ to give us hope that when we croak it, we get wee wings, a halo, and sit all day on a fucking cloud, and all of us who a BAD! Don’t do what the BIGYIN wants we will, get fucked in the Burney fire! (now as you may have guessed, I don’t believe in a heaven and hell, I know shocking!) but if there was, I think were in hell at the moment. Where weans can go to bed starving, the rich get richer, the poor, get royally fucked by the aforementioned rich. And to top it off a wotsit faced, Russian prostitute piss loving, mentally unhinged, NUTTER, runs the biggest nation of them all! So don’t get scared of the inevitable ‘kiss yer ass’ goodbye, your no going to hell, your leaving it! So lets get on about the joke that is me, the big spooky knobhead in the sky said, what can I do to amuse myself to day? Send famine into Africa?, drop an church roof on the heads of bible bashers?, no I have a good one, I will make a gayboy, in the most backward, homophobic town, (I have proof! I live in AIRDRIE, twinned with the Gaza strip, and our one and only gay bar was petrol bombed!) lets also for a laugh make him socially awkward, give him a dad who once quoted to his loving son, after seeing ‘queers’ on the telly, “all poofs should be taken to a island and left to die!” awwwww wonderful memories! Oh then there was school, as said ‘the best days of your life’s’ or would be, if you weren’t a sexually confused boy in aforementioned homophobic town, and all weans are vicious bastards! I was outed by my little brother, the one good thing he done for me, but even then it was done out of spite, as I would not do what he wanted, so he was telling my parents, mum took it ok, I don’t talk about it with dad! So me at the moment, cold, alone, bored, and depressed, (and those are the good points!) I don’t think I will ever get life, every year I say, cant be worse than last year, and it is, life is what you make it, a pity I was always shit at d.i.y. Anyhoo, I have depressed my self for another night, i’m away tae drink the bleach, Nighty night!