andrealeighton

[andrealeighton]

there was something so beautiful about spring. how no matter how hard and long the winter seemed to be, the daylight of spring always broke through. she was so miserable during the winter. her karma for falling in love with a married man, she supposed. but she respected his decision. if he didn't want her, then fine. it was all just... fine. the blonde didn't have time to date anyways, that's what she always told her sister. instead pouring herself into work and school. her masters and the 300 hours of field work needed for her speech pathology degree, which led her to working at a school. apparently when you know sign language and spanish, you're an asset. the nannying still very much in the mix because god, those student loans weren't going to pay off themselves. spring was all about new beginnings. sure, she wasn't completely over conrad reinhart, but she would be, eventually, right?

she's too busy to date. so what would she call going to dinner with the cute firefighter who calmed her down from a panic attack after her niece broke her arm? just having dinner. what about brunch? same thing, really. he was sweet. and not married. and if you asked bridget, her sister would tell her to jump his bones. been there, done that. a few times. maybe she could figured she could get over conrad faster that way. but so far, still couldn't shake him. so after a brunch with not her boyfriend, a zoo trip with her sister and niece, andrea found herself back at home. day drinking always made her sleepy and she definitely needed to sleep the mimosas off. couldn't tell you how long she been asleep when she heard a knock at her door. peeling the blanket off, she made her way towards her door. pressing her face up to the peep hole to see who it was, she suddenly became very confused. was she still drunk? had to be. she then opened it up to see him in the flesh. conrad. conrad? "conrad?" andie asked, his appearance not being lost on her. "are you okay? did something happen? is murphy okay?" in an instant, she became completely sobered up. lord, please tell her nothing happened. great timing to have been drinking, andie. ugh.

with one swipe of the pen, the dusty blonde’s future was a desolate journey into the unknown. bile arose from his chest, thick and sour, the egregious, obvious fact that the marriage had failed echoing in his mind. efforts had been exhausted with attempts to reconcile an already impending doom. though it was a one sided fight, the oblivious nature of the dancer had convinced himself that this was the universe’s second chance. maybe in a past life he had done the unthinkable to be struggling to keep a failed marriage afloat. the little boy that shared his mother’s smile, his mother’s laugh… a consistent reminder that through this endeavor, his priority was solely murphy’s happiness. at the costed benefit of his own. conrad intended to protect his son with whatever means necessary. so much so that the dancer could barely go a few hours without being in his son’s presence. to know he was safe and sound and within his reach. even more importantly, out of the vapid individual’s reach who clearly had never taken a moment to think of the little boy before acting on temptations. a broken family was not conrad’s choice. being catapulted into the decision to leave his wife didn’t come lightly.

a burst of sickness numbed his insides as he folded the stapled pages into the envelope, stuffing them into the beige manila folder. it was as simple as that. five minutes prior, he was a husband. but now? that label was the bane of his existence. the empty quiet house felt eerily distant. loneliness scattered the void of being the only person residing in this space. grasping at his car keys, the young dad paced to his car, with zero mind in which direction he was taking. his vision fused into a manic blur, rage building up his core as steam curdled inside him. he quickly found himself at his destination, begrudgingly peeling himself off the drivers seat and managing up the stairs to the front door. cool streaks of glistening tears left evidence down his cheeks, his upper border quivering as a tightened fist rapped knocks on the door. “andie,” conrad hushed out, now second guessing his decision to impulsively travel to his son’s nanny’s abode without said son in tow. what was he doing? it felt like a mistake was being made right in front of him, his soul floating above him while his physical body took hold of the reins. what would he say? a question that was being mutilated while he waited. his thoughts were null and void. this was a mistake. one that he was falling through with as he stood seemingly frozen in time.

[andrealeighton]

it's cruel just how fast your life can change, that one moment can either make or break everything. bittersweet. the brunette just wished she could go back. she shouldn't have let him kiss her, she shouldn't have kissed him back, if she knew what events were going to follow. it was all so stupid. but no one can ever go back, it's just not possible. there's just so many things she wants to say to him. of course she wants some sort of closure that maybe he got and she didn't, but she'd have to move past without it. people do it all the time. nowadays her days were spent either at the beach or with two thirteen year olds who always made it clear that andie, we don't need a babysitter, we're so grown up. actually, can you drive us? andie, do you have a boyfriend? do you want a boyfriend? do you know my brother? just kidding, you're like, way too good for him. who needs a boyfriend anyways? not you. you're so independent and cool. andrea was never truly never bored. dealing with teenagers was not for the faint hearted, but it was sure a good distraction from the shit show of her own life. the girls were the best, but how do you erase two years just like that? you don't. she knew she wouldn't take care of him forever, but she certainly didn't think it'd end so abruptly either. the dance studio holds such bittersweet memories. where she first met conrad and got enveloped into the lives of the reinharts. if she never had to step foot in this place again, she'd be the happiest person in the world. but she does. step foot into it again. for the sake of her niece. andie waits as the abundance of parents and guardians alike collect their kids, the sight of murphy just absolutely destroying her. how excited he is to see her. him signing her name. oh, she could cry. she might. hi, murphy! it's so nice to see you. you've gotten so big. i'm so sorry i can't stay, but don't give your dad too much trouble, okay? she signed, smiling at the boy, not having used sign language all that much since last month. he's just a kid, he doesn't get it, and leaving without acknowledging him isn't fair. or right. her gaze then meets conrad's, "thanks for having her," she says. andrea park is nothing if not polite. "are you ready to go, nattie?" the woman questioned her niece who nodded in response as andrea took her bag from her. nasa send her on a rocket to the moon, please.

thirty minutes of distraction felt easy when attempting to corral fifteen students into stretching on the floor. most of the time was dedicated to copious interruptions of randomized questions, internal anecdotes and giggling all around. that tiny building was a haven that conrad had meticulously curated to be a state where any kid who walked through the doors would leave with the fondest of memories. when it was promptly time to end class, conrad hustled to the then opened front door, a flurry of goodbyes clouding up the exit as he counted each student who walked out the door. murphy, who was seemingly perched at his dad’s waist side as his cheek pressed into his kidney. doe eyes flicked up to meet his as he signed andie here? it was the unspoken presence the young dad had been avoiding adamantly for the past half hour, as those minutes were scattered with longing looks of murphy undivided at the door. as if at any given moment she would be rushing to appear again. cautiously gazing with hesitation in every tense muscle he possessed, a soft nod was all he could offer as to not arise his hopes up too astronomically high. his expression unreadable as murphy’s exasperated sigh in response soon morphed into a gleaming smile that arched from ear to ear. avoidance was his downfall. he was determined to not allow her to witness him unwound in her attendance. it was nothing she deserved nor signed up for. murphy’s reaction toward the woman plunged the dagger deeper into his chest cavity, momentarily unable to scramble for a shallow breath. in the same sick and twisted way conrad’s memories were, was the same way he found himself now. alone. and perhaps that was necessary. the absence of murphy’s limbs pressured against him wavered him off balance, though expecting who used to be his nanny arriving. it was now or never, as warmth swallowed him up, perspiration lining his forehead. andrea park. just another aunt picking up her niece from class. that was who she was. it was who she had to be. andie, andie, andie, murphy signed, feet exhilarated with newfound energy mustered from the one person he was closest to — excluding conrad. and that fact alone, scared him.

[andrealeighton]

"do you think you can take nat to class today?" the question stopped her completely in her tracks. she wants to pretend she doesn't hear it, that it slips from her mind. but it won't work and besides, there is nothing in the world that her niece loves more than dance. andie would walk on fire for that girl. her little best friend from the moment she became an aunt five years ago. worth the undeniable awkwardness that surely would follow. a whole month. a month since she felt like the stupidest person alive. well, that's what she gets for getting involved with a married man. he wasn't hers to lose and he'd never be. he was carmen's and she should not be in their business in the first place. andrea has always had boundaries up for a reason, she just wished she listened to her head rather than her heart in that moment. missing him came in waves and it physically hurt to think about him. she missed murphy, too. it's not like she could tell her older sister that the reason she didn't want to go to the dance studio was because she nearly slept with the instructor and everything got blown up from there. what's past is past. andrea's a good aunt, she's also an adult that can handle that anything that comes her way. including this. the sight of conrad made her heart fall in right into her stomach. like someone had just punched her and it was difficult to breathe. she wonders if anyone could hear her heart physically shatter at murphy. the brunette grinned at the little boy, then his dad. miss park. a shot right through the heart. "of course," andrea nodded, her niece returning to her side for a moment to say her goodbye. "have fun, okay? i'll be back soon and we'll go for ice cream." "'kay, bye andie!" oh, is she relieved to get out the hell out of there. she's not sure how much more her heart can take, in all honestly.

indulgent chatter of a gaggle of three foot children leaping and bounding into the dance centre was a far cry from distraction of the thoughts that seemed to dominate conrad’s mind at this very second in time. his forward thoughts unrelented his past month’s blunder. as intense as the flutters that engraved a core memory into his cranium of that encounter, there was the simple yet ineffective way of not allowing it to invade him like a bad seed. no longer allowing it to evade the very depths of his being, wearing him down and evoking the same involuntary response of utter embarrassment. it washed over him like a tidal wave, yanking him under the clutches of it’s sullen existence, thus tempting him to escape it all the while it would inevitably win in blanketing him in rash. he had to exclude all memories of the woman that paralyzed him infactually. the petite, dark, long haired beauty with a heart inexplicably twice her own size. it had been just under two weeks since the last time he had seen carmen, let alone so much as glanced into her bright hues with a juxtaposition of no soul from behind them. murphy was his sole motivation to move on. the mother who lent out what biological formatives he shared, was now missing. and as far as conrad was achingly concerned, the cycle of vindication was resuming right on its scheduled air. the sick and twisted realization was that there was no longer any moving existence in the anchor that kept their marriage afloat. if anything it plummeted into the foot of the deep sea to never return. conrad was no longer a pretentious, egotistical kid in love. he was now a dad. and his job entailed keeping murphy’s safety and understanding in a misunderstood world close to his chest. to guard for the rest of his life. there was no room for error with a condescending hope that some how, some way she would regain a sense of reality and come to know the son she had unfortunately never given the time of day to know. the dark curls of murphy began bouncing as his small feet swung with exuberant life as a tiny palm impressed itself into the dance instructor’s shoulder blade. conrad’s lips curled into a proud grin, teeth barely poking from the threshold of his gums before dividing his attention to the subject that grasped his son’s attention. andie, conrad observed his son sign to him, his hands buzzing with adrenaline as he sped straight for the front door. that grin, soon faded into a stoic, expressionless stalemate as both lips quivered as they were pursed together, the breath collecting in his lungs now stagnant. an infamous pair entering the studio that was unexpected, if not any other term. shock drained his every feature of his now pale, ghostlike countenance. his beck began to blister in a feverish pitch, a quarter sized lump attempting to evade his throat. in a room full of kids completely unaware of the surroundings, conrad too chose to act as if it were just another stranger entering the vicinity. casually climbing to his feet, he set off the greet the little girl, “hey, natalie, we’re so glad you could make it. you can put your bag in your cubby and we’ll get started in just a few minutes,” murphy’s arms soon clung to the knees of the woman, causing his heart to stumble in rhythm, unable to keep the current pace as it paused dead in its tracks. patting gently into the two year-old’s lower back, conrad’s tough, rotund hand carefully asserted for murphy to turn toward him. it was as easy as prodding coagulated glue from a piece of construction paper. murphy, the twenty three year old began, hues racking over as he gripped even tighter to her leg. class is about to start, miss park has to go. finally, his minute fingers unraveled themselves from her kneecap, while knelt to his level, conrad urged him to envelope his arms, as he thrusted him into his chest. “thank you for dropping off natalie, miss park. we’ll be sure she’s in good hands,”

[andrealeighton]

she was close with all the families she's ever nannied for. they always made sure to take care of her. well, obviously, not this close. the families were never people her own age. there was a certain boundary that she set for herself. and that boundary had just thrown itself out of the window. she knows it's bad, okay? she knows. it's one thing to makeout with someone's boyfriend, but someone's husband? she's totally into homewrecker status right now, but ugh, she can't help it. conrad is just... everything. everything that she's ever wanted in a significant other, he's incredible. seeing him hurt, hurt so bad. if she thought she had feelings for the raven haired male before, well they just got a hundred percent worse. in love? her heart stops. how, when, why? andrea can't deny the butterflies that were currently fluttering in her rib cages, but her head doesn't want her to get hurt. too late. "conrad..." the brunette starts, a small smile on her face, a sigh escaping past her lips. life is so cruel. "i can't lie and say i don't have feelings for you because god, of course i do." the words feel so ridiculous. confessing her feelings for a married man. she feels like such a fool. "but... you're hurt. you're hurt and  i — when?" did you fall in love with me?

the evolution of emotions trickled into a flurry of intensity. it was forbidden, as the wedding that transpired only a couple of years ago was flashing pertinent images like a slideshow within the depths of his mind. but right now? he slipped into a bout of amnesia. he had to have. fingertips busy clinging to the singular safe space that he could allow himself to meld into. she was intoxicatingly vibrant. the same digits followed as the silhouette of his opposite found a place in the crook of his lap. the proximity of the distance enclosing, like two trap walls magnetically forcing themselves together with no gradual effort. it felt entirely organic. his glazed over amber speckles transfixed in a darkened haze of self indulgence. his heart was catastrophically lost, searching for its rightful place as if it had always been so. a smooth hand unclutched from the fistful of fabric it was currently withholding, maneuvering to her sable tresses. the pad of his callused thumb brushed strokes along her cheek bone, paving it’s way to her earlobe. gentle, careful and calculated movements that began to soothe his erratically wild thumping heart. pressing his forehead against the angle of her shoulder, conrad inhaled a deep, consuming breath that flooded his lungs like a charge of a battery. for what felt like a brief moment of recollecting himself, his face arose from its buried enclosure while studying her every feature up close and personal. he drank her in like a tall glass of water and he was thirsty to drown. attentive admiration left him with a desire to raise the weight that was left on his chest. “andie…” he began, his forehead subconsciously platted against her own. “andie, i — i’m in love with you,” he murmured, a tremulous unsteady breath exiting his lips. was it the truth? yes. with his heart, that he was certain. was it right time? absolutely not. but when was?

[andrealeighton]

it's safe to say that the brunette really wasn't a relationship person. no, not really. she went on dates here and there, but she was never looking for anything too serious. if anything, she was the fun aunt that you called when you really didn't want to call your parents who'd always be there for you. and she very much prided herself in that. the amount of weddings and baby showers she had been apart of? simply too many to count. maybe one day she'd want to settle down, but she liked her independence. besides, the woman never met a man that she tolerated that much. well, a single man. clearly the situation she found herself her in at this very moment proved otherwise, that she very much more than tolerated conrad. ugh, andie, what have you gotten yourself into? she hates it, she hates how the fireworks are going off when they definitely shouldn't be. her name on his voice is just so... sweet. the butterflies swirling around in her stomach definitely aren't helping the cause either. a small laugh escapes past her lips at the tugging at her shirt. "oh, are we eager now? hm." she teases playfully, happily humming against him before finding herself on his lap. weird how those things happen sometimes. "relax, swayze, i'm not going anywhere. you've got me right where you want me."

it had been minutes, he could only assume, since their border broke within each other and he was inhaling her breath into his lungs. his finger tips explored every feature of her face, his thumbprint absorbing the very angle of the apple of her cheeks, cascading down to the divot of her jaw. the simplicity of the moment had coerced his mind into complete stalemate. there was a brief onslaught of a blip in his moral code that lapsed in judgement when she didn’t exactly put an abrupt halt to the matter. he was fully immersed, practically drinking her in as if he were parched and searching for a source of water. nostrils swirled with the aroma of her air, freshly woken up. even now, she was so sweet. nearly spiraling him into a corkscrew of a downward spin into something more. for years — at this very point in time — she was his son’s safe place. call it luck of pure happenstance, there was no other who could bring the toddler at ease the way it radiated from the two year-old after every visit. and everyday since meeting the babysitter whom he had shared many off countered meetings prior, it was no question of it being fate. coupled with the maturity conrad obtained needing to face the demons of this life, andrea was an angel. in the midst of all the uncertainty, right now, he was sure. so, so sure. “oh, andrea,” the only couplet of words his throat could muster. the sigh became the break of silence that left him breathless, digits still tugged onto the material of her morning clothes. each breath that followed was a laboured experience, dusk irises compressed so tightly the dancer recognized stars and galaxies showing their face in the once blank, hollow darkness. how he wished to drink her in again, the high still maintained despite the low expected with certainty.

[andrealeighton]

it's weird. andrea's looked at him a million times throughout the time they've known each other. it was just so typically normal. he was just murphy's dad. no more, no less. but this... looking at him now is different. maybe it's him allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of her, her being touched that out of everyone, he came to her. her. even though yes, she originally was annoyed someone was at her door before eight am. however, some things were important than sleep. being there for people in their time of need. the mood shift as he touches her is completely haunting. being this close to him is a lot. kind of dizzying, if she's honest. and it's a bad thing. a very bad thing. yeah, she's close and affectionate with her friends, but it never felt anything more than platonic. this was... nothing platonic. logically, the brunette should get up. get up and break the trance that she finds herself in being so close to him. she shouldn't be so swept up in him. for god's sake, he's married. and she takes care of his kid. she's not a homewrecker, she's just not. those girls who are fully aware and still do it are trashy. she has a moral compass, does she not? but does she move? no. as twisted as it sounds, no. his lips on hers send an electric shock throughout her entire body. it takes her by surprise but only for a second as she completely melts into the raven haired boy. it should be concerning just how easy it is. how natural everything feels. suddenly it doesn't matter how early it is. she's wide awake. oh, she's going to hell. straight. to. hell.

his chest tightened with a heady clutch. it was the mourning of someone he knew. or at the very least used to know at one time. it was possible he never had the pleasure of knowing her at all. the path to the altar was all very sudden. within the matter of six weeks, he had managed to change his title from single to expecting father, to a husband. anyone searching from the outside could see the picture it painted. carlisle reinhart was the first one to jump at the notion of marriage. it sealed the deal of keeping his dentistry from unwanted town talk, while his wife had other opinions on the matter. life was excelerating in the fast lane, break pads nowhere to be found and increasing in speed by the day. the couple had no introduction before being thwarted into a life they had no knowledge of beforehand. they weren’t teen parents, per se, but it nearly crossed the line of creating a family young and authoring the script as it came. then, the waterworks began to malfunction. hazy, scarlet red sclera bled in to fuse with the golden brown center of his eyes. a slick, shiny dampness soon flooded trails down his cheeks, the individual tears departing from his neck and onto his tattered aerosmith shirt he had inevitably slumbered in. the next few moments were a cause for blur. unable to voluntarily stifle the impulses he had previously unconsciously dreamt of, a cloud of a brisk breath evacuated from his lungs. his nose carefully sweeping against hers, gathering his thumb to caress the dimple of her breathtaking beauty. albeit in the early hours of the day. his instincts were yelling, shouting, screaming for him to act upon them. his forehead pressed firmly against hers. he was silently begging for her to let him in, as if he had known her all of his life. as audacious of a move he had ever made, for once in his life. borders brushed before finding the flesh of her own, in motive to quiet the voices that clattered within him, through sucking sobs. it was possible he could apologize later, but now? maybe it was warranted to do what he’d always wanted, no exceptions.

[andrealeighton]

the brunette was fully prepared to get up and head to the kitchen. to retrieve something cold to calm him down at least. when all the sudden she was stopped in her tracks at his signing. you. the word sent a shiver down her spine. her? out of all things, her? to say she surprised was an understatement. andrea had learned sign language years ago, for her childhood best friend. something so pure about the love of a best friend that she wanted to learn a whole new language. and it had come in handy more often than not. taking care of murphy was one of the perks, helping the small boy express himself. she doesn't wanna say she's dumbfounded by his request, but she kind of is unsure of what to do. he did come here for a reason, after all, out of all the places he could've gone. so it's the least she can do. just sit here with him for a little awhile. all she can do is offer a small warm smile as she nods. "okay," she breathes out, trying to steady herself. even though it's not really a big deal in the first place. she's just a drama queen. it seems like the world outside her home ceases to exist and it's just the two of them in this little bubble. which maybe doesn't seem so bad after all. "it's okay, i've got you, i'm right here," looking at him this hurt hurt. it was hard to explain. it's almost as if someone had punched her right in the stomach and it was hard to breathe.

glassy hues peered over at an aimless corner of the room. he wants to apologize for assuming that his ability of walking in without interrupting her life wouldn’t shake her. it was shockingly often of how many times it occurred. like a cannonball exacted for water and leaving said pool in ripples of waves that left said pool with irreparable damage. on the occasions where work was understaffed and unable to reconcile with conrad’s absence, she was instinctually the first phone call being made. and every single time — whether or not he was aware of it or not — there she was. nothing if not always at the ready to care for his dark headed, green eyed purpose. his mind was a cleanly slated white noise. no inward thought could be formulated in any capacity as it should’ve been. a tireless anchor of his every wrongdoing played in a record of his brain stem, grasping at any piece of the puzzle to correctly label it as a reason why. why, why why. though her words passed through him like a steady stream, it was her touch that brought him out of the trance. though minute as it was, his shoulder flushed into an angsty fire, scorching him with memory of what it felt like to be cared for. wanted. borders trembled with a quiver, his tongue somehow in the depths of his stomach. it was so far below him that his voice was seemingly taken from him as well. many tries passed of him opening and closing his mouth, with his chin clasping back onto itself in a hash. quaked, trembling hands lifted up as if to make a gesture toward andrea. his fingers constricted with their own heartbeats that could be felt through his entire body. Y, his ring cladded fingertips signed, followed by O, then a U shortly after. his expression stonewalled before his husky eyes flicked up to meet the pair that belonged to his son’s nanny. clinging to her delicate palms, he pressed them against his own, grounding himself. i’m so sorry, before both of his hands laid slack onto the fabric. the audacity he had to create all of his own problems and place them onto someone else. it wasn’t what she deserved, that much he knew.

[andrealeighton]

oh, carmen. carmen, carmen. andrea tries her hardest not to be a judgmental person. she's a firm believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt because everyone's going through something that you truly just didn't know about. but she always got the vibes that the blonde wasn't as committed as her husband when it came to their son. then again the brunette tried to banish those thoughts because no matter how many times she experienced firsthand neglectful parents, it was still a horrible thought. besides, she just needed to mind her own business. her heart aches at the sight of the male coming undone in her living room. him and murphy meant a lot to her. "no, conrad," andrea sighed as she shook her head at his words, sitting down on the couch. him? a bad dad? never in a million years. "i see the way he looks at you, how his eyes always light up when you come home, that boy adores you." it was a sight that never failed to warm her heart. just how excited he was to see his dad and how much he loved him. maybe her words wouldn't mean much, but she at least has to try to calm him down. be a friend. "you're never gonna be a bad dad for doing what's best for him, i promise," a hand instinctively reaches out to touch his shoulder if only for a moment. "can i get you anything? a glass of water, maybe? anything?"

“no, yeah he’s okay,” the reassurance in his voice was anything but so. was he? not in the slightest. the entire movie of his past flashed like broken, poignant images that were stark stages of a crumbling marriage that he was desperate to keep alive. its heartbeat was now at a leisure pace. a wide chance of falling away, slipping through the cracks yet he was so naive that there was a probable solution. his countenance as shallow and even-keeled as a total juxtaposition to his insides that intertwined within themselves so tightly wound, he nearly made himself sick. he attempted to choke down the bile that arose his throat like a flair of lava itching to erupt into it’s exit. three years he had spent with absolute control — when it was warranted — and responsibility that fell like a paper weight on his shoulders. so much so that it began to deteriorate his being every second of the day. every decision that was made upon was for the tender, irreverent two and a half year old whom was — up until this point — conrad’s very reason of existing. spindles of a once bright future now dimmed in the glare of a dark, desolate future.

how could an individual who was simply not his wife bring him such comfort? such peace? the moment the door was revealed with the woman from behind it, his wavered, hyper sulked breaths soon smoothed over into deep, conscious inhales. aware of the exact beat he made eye contact with her, his stature would slump, along with the hearty exterior he was anguished to conceal for solely him alone. it was as if his spirit were hovering over his physical body, an astral projection of himself that was detached from his inner self. of course it was impolite to not request entrance into an abode that didn’t belong to him, but the more time he spent standing outside looking in, the more he felt himself slipping into rugged ground that was quicksand, soon swallowing him whole. feverishly, he paced to the furniture of a nearby room he wasn’t quite sure he was really in. finally collapsing his entire body balled together, wound tight as if he about to launch into the air at a moment’s notice.

“i shouldn’t…” a visceral grip of his snow while knuckles on the armrest, interrupting himself in his train of thought as if he had more syllables to emit into the atmosphere. “i didn’t know where else to go, i’m just horrible. a horrible person. why did i tell her to leave? i love her so much..” it was the tail end of the sentence that he was in the midst of believing as the truth. maybe if he repeated it a handful more times then it would actually form as honesty. “i’m such an awful dad i can barely keep my family together and it’s all my fault. he’s going to resent me, i know it,” each word now a spar to equate in a full cohesive string of complete thought. dark orbs swayed from every angle of his surroundings, before squeezing them shut. maybe if he shut out the rest of the world, all of the problems wouldn’t matter. they would suddenly be resolved and all of the concern and pent up trepidation would be a war of the past.

[andrealeighton]

so it's to say that life hadn't really dealt andrea alba a fair hand. no, not really. it was one of life's greatest mysteries how one second everything could be fine and the next the world spins it off its axis. the domino effect of her missing curfew, her dad going to look for her and being killed in a car accident, her mother completely derailing, blaming her and basically not even trying to be a mother anymore. everyday since then it felt so unfair. unfair that one little mistake she made messed up her life forever. it shouldn't have happened. angry at herself, angry at her mother for being so cruel to her when she was just a kid. but just because your world stops spinning doesn't mean everyone else's does and it sucks. eventually you have to move on. dust yourself off and keep going, no matter how grueling the process was.

so she spent the past year or two trying to get back to her old herself. trying to enjoy her life again. it's not like she could get those years from the trauma where she just tried to survive, but she was tired of letting grief control her life. so she spent more time at the beach, trying to put herself through school, being a nanny. taking care of others was always a second nature. she had always naturally been a nurturing person. and you'd be surprised how much and how many parents would pay to be not be around their kids so much. most of her days were spent with murphy though. the sweetest two and a half year old. seeing him grow up into a toddler felt so bittersweet. how smart he was becoming, how independent, andrea knew she couldn't possibly be his nanny forever, but she would cherish the time she had with him.

a knock at her door awoke her out of her slumber. immediately reaching for her phone which read 7:17 am, she ran her hands over her face. "god, who the hell is at my door this early?" she sighed as she pealed back the covers and stood up from her bed. just see who it is and you can go back to bed, andie. her mind reminded her while she made her way over to the door, hand attempting to smooth down her hair a little. the oversized t-shirt and shorts completing the glamorous just woke up look. looking through the peep hole first, she was shocked to the find the raven haired male at her door. "conrad?" the brunette questioned when she opened it, her heart sinking right into her stomach when she saw him. "what are you-- are you okay? is murphy?" suddenly, she's wide awake and prepared to go get dressed this very instant if need be.

murky caramel orbs fluttered open, with an immediate pang of defeat coursing through every vein in his body. those same eyes squinted up at the welcoming — or lack thereof — as the sunlight flooded behind the cave of the curtains. warm, cozy and fulfilling. however, the space that used to be taken up beside him was now vacant. and yet, the aroma of a foreign body spray that didn’t belong to him folded in to clash with the air as it evaporated from above. there was a certain angle of loneliness that couldn’t be helped. as the gold band that wrapped around to hug the knuckle of his ring finger, it was a constant reminder of empty promises. vows broken the mere moment they were spoken. no truth, no honesty, no security. after two years of misplaced regret, all points culminated to an end. an end that was said to have been a long time coming. one that conrad reinhart had hoped helplessly would never be. there was an urgent cry echoing from the nearby bedroom, as both feet clambered onto the hardwood floor and seemingly raced to be by the two year-old’s side. “hey, buddy. i’m here, daddy’s right here,” the words were a temporary bandaid of what the little boy was searching for. his mother, of course. underneath very ill-tempered tantrum that most two year-olds experienced, there was the same problem that he couldn’t quite shake. at times it almost felt as though he were a single parent, and although he ultimately wasn’t about to take for granted the extra time that murphy spent with him, carmen was equally missing out on the toddler’s youth.

the time? was two forty-five. the raven haired dancer had just witnessed his wife slithering into the back door, as quiet as she may have been, it was conrad who attended to the baby monitor in one hand and a fist balled up to turn on the light fixture in the other. tonight, of all nights, he wasn’t amused with playing her games. “where have you been all night?” was easily the most asked question when assessed with a situation like this. truthfully the man didn’t expect an answer to withstand the results of a polygraph test. the evidence was clear as the day was long. her make-up was smudged, lipstick bleeding from one cheek to the other. her once smooth, luscious golden locks now frizzy, pieces of curls knotted and combed at as if she were building a nest atop of her head. her alarmed stumbling was paired with the distinct shaking of her head. any stalling to collect an appropriate lie that her husband was already well prepared for. “get out of the house, i don’t want murphy to see you like this. i don’t want him to see you at all. we can talk when you’re sober,” he affirmed, though wavering cracks muffed through his tone as an underlying depth of panic. distrust. gut-wrenching agony. and that was the end.

or so he thought. cradling his son into his hip, there were moments that flickered into his subconscious that each time he looked into murphy’s eyes, he was reminded of carmen. the carmen he knew of long before the grocery list of betrayal had started. it was easy to place the blame on himself. it was what he always did. they had gotten married too young, they were practically children themselves. it was the only option the reinhart family felt suited them all. in their close community, people talked. and so with whatever duty it was that conrad was displaying for his family, he had convinced himself that whatever this was, was love. it had to be. there was no other way. all couples met their fair share of polarizing issues. what did he know if they couldn’t find an angle of normalcy again? it was as if his heart lived outside of his own body, in the form of murphy. his saving grace. as any father would do, conrad hoped that staying in this circumstance would mean he would have two eligible parents. in case while most others didn’t. and as he then parted from the house that early morning as his mother agreed to occupy his son for the time being, he needed closure. or clarity. or whatever it was that he strove for to find any sort of reassurance for the future.

it had began as an innocent plea for help. or so he thought. with his feet doted at the edge of the door of someone who he was sure would find his presence at her home off putting. at the very least. but as he racked his fist over to knock on the frame, the muscle in his chest quickly paced, thudding in overwhelming anxiety and terror over it all. should he even be here? where were his priorities aligned when he could make no sense of it all? each second that melted away, was more cause for confusion. what a tangled web it was, that left him with no choice but to find the solace he was in desperation of.