andy-barson

[andy-barson]

Andy pressed his lips to Jake's, claiming them his again and oh god he missed them. He grinned brightly as his hand was grabbed and their finger were laced together. " I did, i wanted to cook for you, i may be shit at cookin' but I wanted to." He nodded and leaned in closer to Jake, they weren't fighting, Andy was happy and he caught Jake smiling. That beautiful fucking smile. " Could we? Please? That sounds great." He kissed Jake's hand. " Also, this could be like.. a date, my shitty cookin', me gettin' to stare at your beautiful face." He smiled and pulled Jake into the mess hall. 

Jake returned each kiss in earnest, pressing his own deeper. Andy could keep the cheek kissing shit if that’s what made him comfortable but Jake needed the familiar mouth, those lips. The lips he fell in love with so very long ago. Andy was his warrant and reason for living anymore. He was sure of it. Jake found his family long gone, his brother eaten and torn to shreds. It’s how he and Rhys met up, found similarities and swiftly became good friends. Except now Jake found Andy and Rhys found his brother. All was on even fields now. “You always did like to take care of me." He made an effort to drop it all again. An honest effort. He grabbed Andy’s hand, laced their fingers together and smiled to himself as they walked. It was like old times. Before all the shit hit the fan. “You didn’t have to cook for me baby. I do appreciate it. I bet it’ll be great. After we eat, because yes, I’m making you eat with me, you wanna go for a walk? Star gaze a bit?" Because without television and video games, there wasn’t much else to do at night and Jake wanted private, alone time with Andy. 

[andy-barson]

Andy couldn't nod fast enough. " I'm done with that shit Jake, I just.. I have changed, I promise I have, i am different. I'm not.. the whore around here anymore. I don't want anyone, Jake. No one but you, if you want to start over, i'd love that, but i want you happy, so if that means me leavin you alone, you not being with me, i'm okay with that. " His arms slowly moved to wrap Jake in a hug. " I changed.. because you were right, you know one of the last things you said to me.. you said I was a whore.. and uh, come to find out, when the man your in love with thinks your a whore, it hurts alot more then it does when everyone else thinks it." He muttered. " I love you and I miss you. And I promise, no one's touchin' me, i'm not touchin' anyone else. I can't lose you again, " He let go of his grip around the man. " I made meatloaf, or tried. trying.." He smiled slightly. " Trailmix isn't really food, you need food. Come eat, please. We can talk, i'll tell you everything about me, as long as your share too." He pressed his lips to Jake's cheek, this was the most physical contact he had in.. a long time, besides Nico and Shane because those didn't count to him, desperate for someone to tell him he didn't deserve to die, that's what that was, and he still didn't get that from them, no they weren't Jake. Nico was there for him for that moment and Shane was.. Shane, he'd chose Jake over them. He smiled at Jake lightly, he wasn't going to ask the man to move closer to his cell again, no. Well, yes he was jealous of Rhys, the man he hadn't met yet. But this might of been for the best, Jake being over here and Andy staying in his corner. Though he did feel safer with Jake closer.

"Andy," he said, staring off at the cinderblock wall. No, nothing was interesting about it but it kept his focus off the other man. And all the things he wanted o do to him. With him. “Shut the fuck up, seriously. Do yourself a favor," he grunted as he stood, threw the bag down on the floor and crossed the room to meet Andy in the door frame. He leaned in a similar fashion, facing his ex. “You really haven’t changed a damn bit." Jake leaned in and kissed the corner of the brunette’s mouth, humming as he did. He missed Andy. Missed holding him, kissing him, being in love with him but he couldn’t get hurt again. This would have to be done carefully, perfectly and seamless. “I miss you. So much. I love you, that ain’t ever stop but you were all wrong for me and I gotta do what’s right for myself. Now, if that means you an’ I startin’ over and dating or whatever it is you do when the zombies come out, so be it. I want to get to know you again and the second your lips touch another man’s, or woman’s. The minute your hands touch someone else. Your ass your cock gets invaded by someone other than me, even if we’re not together officially yet, I’m done. Okay? I’m fucking done. Are you copying me? Andy?" Bold statements. “Unless you want nothing to do with me. Those are the options. You wanna try us again, you’re body is for no one but me, and if you’re not okay with that then we can just be friends." 

[andy-barson]

He rubbed his arm, nervous. " I just.. i wasn't tryin' to start anythin', I was just tryin' to let you know i'm sorry for it all.. Please stay, I can put it behind us, i can leave well enough alone, I mean fuck, you're here, that's good enough for me, " The worst part was hearing Jake actually say it was Andy's fault, he knew it was. Okay, no, the worst part was Jake thinking Andy didn't think Jake was enough for him. " I want you to move on, be happy, please stay, i'll leave you 'lone, i'll stop bringin shit up." He frowned. " I didn't mean to just.. go off with all that, it just hurt, and I don't think before talkin' obviously or i'd be shuttin' up now.." 

He knew this would happen. The minute he saw Shane, he should have just high tailed it out of here and never looked back. It also was ever more evident that he and Rhys had split up and couldn’t seem to find one another. Fucking great. Now he was stuck here- here in the cell and that’s when it happened. Jake was packing up his half unpacked bag when Andy appeared like a bat out of hell and with pleas. No. “Andy, don’t fuckin’ do this man. Okay? I can’t do this. Not now." He folded up his pants and shoved them into the bag. Okay, so he didn’t have much unpacked, he only just got there. “I want to stay. I want to work things out. I’d like to be able to hang with you and go out with you on supply runs and hunting and whatever else needs to be done around here but shit, we can’t even go one day without the past being dragged up and out and thrown around." Jake had enough. He was trying to move on but Andy obviously couldn’t. “So, until you can put what happened behind us, you know? And the worst part is.. is it’s your fucking fault, all of it in the first place. You did it all and you can’t let me move on from it. Like, you like reminding me or something? I mean- Leave well enough alone. Ya’ know?" 

[andy-barson]

Andy was trying to fix shit, but it blew up in his face. Oh god why did he have to say anything. He let Jake walk off, he let the man move into a cell closer to that Rhys' cell. He sat by the wall where he was left and tried to fix this shit that was going on in his head, he groaned, running his hands through his hair. Yes, Andy was crying like a little bitch because he couldn't fix shit with Jake, he couldn't fix his mess and he couldn't get away from his problems, and he didn't have the fucking balls to off himself and no one else would do it. It was probably an hour before he got up and made his way to the kitchen, yes he tried his best to make food, it was suppose to be his attempt at meatloaf, though it probably didn't turn out much like it. He returned to the cells, well Jake's new cell ,rubbing his arm shyly as he leaned against the bars. " Jake.. " He muttered. " Please don't leave.. I'll leave you 'lone, you don't have to see me anymore, just please don't leave.. I'm a dick, and I know that, but.. I like knowin' you're safe, and alive. And... I feel safer with you here, even though I don't deserve it.. Please?" 

"Why the fuck do you even care where I was? Hmm? Because the last time I saw you, you was balls deep in some brunette pussy." Jake pulled away entirely from Andy and hobbled down the corridor to the mess hall. Honestly, this is why the fuck he didn’t want to do this, to get into this right now. He tried avoiding this, this fucking shit since he came back and so why couldn’t Andy just take the sentimental gestures and go with it? Why did he have to make it something more than it was? “Like hell, you did mean to. And you know what else? What would it matter if I was off fallin’ in love? You know? I deserve to be fucking happy. I deserve to be with someone who wants me and wants only me. I cant do that polyamory shit you do I just cant. It feels wrong, I get jealous and I just cant do it. I’m sorry I’m not enough for you but you know what, you are right about one thing. It’s not my fault. All that worrying you were doing while I was gone is all on you. It’s your fault. Not your fault I left, that was my own decision but your own fault for worrying." And with that being said, he walked off, he bit his lip, he didn’t cry. “Can’t leave well enough alone, you dumb fucking asshole. I’ll be packing my bags once I heal up. Thanks anyway for food, I got some trailmix in my bag I’ll eat." Jake turned and walked back towards the cells, grabbed his bag and his stuff up and found an empty cell further from Andy’s and closer to Rhys’. He couldn’t do this shit again. No. 

[andy-barson]

As if being pulled in closer to Jake's side wasn't enough to make him about to have a break down, that ' i missed you' did. He sighed " Don't do that.. " He mumbled, but he held onto Jake for dear life. " Don't tell me you missed me, don't hold me like this.." He took a deep breath. " I'm goin' good at hidin' this all. I haven't told you how much I love you and how so very sorry I am I fucked us up, and how I never once stopped thinkin' about you, or how things could have been better. Don't.. Make these feelin's come back, because I know i'll wake up one day and you won't fuckin' be here, and no, it's not just gonna be the fact I'll always know it's me who's drivin' you away, no. It's hard Jake, not knowing where the hell you are, or if you're even alive. Or fuck, if you're off fuckin' some other guy, fallin' in love and him not bein' so fucked up --" He cut himself up, running his hand over his face and letting out a breath. Trying to calm himself down. He wrapped his arms around Jake " I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just.. go off on you, it's not your fault. " 

That’s right. Jake did all the cooking when they were together. Right. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll just have whatever Gio made. How’s he? How’s everyone for that matter?" He happily let Andy tug him down the halls and corridors and then when they were too far apart, Jake wrapped his arm around Andy’s waist and pulled him in closer to his side. “I missed you." 

[andy-barson]

Andy let out a sigh as the kiss was pressed to his, he nodded softly and grabbed Jake's arm before tugging him along with him down to the mess hall. He rubbed the back of his neck and bit his lip " I think, Gio has some pot pie or whatever left over, i have a very limited usage in the kitchen so. um.. it's your first night back, okay. Tell me what you want and i'll try my hardest to make it." He smiled.

"Technically they’re yours? Oh you thief." He grinned, big and easy. “Yeah, I realized. I just thought it was adorable and never said shit but I guess after what, eight months now- or something like it, I forgot." Jake leaned in to Andy and kissed his cheek, picking up his ass to finish putting on the sweat pants. “Right, food. I want whatever you’re willing to make, sweetheart." 

[andy-barson]

Andy couldn't hide the blush that appeared on his cheeks when Jake mentioned the clothes being his. " Technically, there mine now." He smiled. " Yeah, I did. I stole your clothes, back at the farm, at the CDC. Did you never realized whenever I wore your clothes you never got them back? "He chuckled and nodded when he brought up the massage. " Yeah yeah, It was just an offer, you seem sore. " He smiled again. He did all he could to quickly patch up the man's wounds, " Eat, what do you want?"

"Don’t be lame. I’ll find another cell. Rhys might have somethin’ goin’ on. Relax." Jake slipped a wife beater on, too endeared to tell Andy his bag of clothes was right downstairs in the courtyard waiting for him. he took what he got and- “Hey, these are mine. You stole my clothes? From before? Damn" Just like boyfriends. Stealing your clothes. “Patch me up, we’ll eat. I’ll forego the massage, I’m sure you can understand why." 

[andy-barson]

[andy-barson]

Andy stood up once he was down fixing up the other. " Jake, you don't gotta stay outside, you ain't a damn dog. Shane and Jason stay in their tent, and that's stupid, there's plenty of cells, please stay in one." He bit his lip and smiled slightly " Don't worry bout it, i like takin' care of you." He nodded. It was the truth, even if Jake hated him, which Andy was sure he did. Andy would still always be there to help Jake. Rhys', He kept talking about this Rhys' fellow. " Are you an' Rhys' um.. together?" Because that seemed like a better question then, are you fucking him? 

Jake kept still, even as the boy dropped to his knees. He could make jokes. So many jokes. Oh god he wanted to make jokes. Cracks about how pretty Andy looked down there on his knees and inappropriate things like that but he couldn’t. It might make things, them- awkward. “I ain’t takin’ your cell, Andy. Rhys an’ I will probably bunk up in our tent out in the yard. No big deal. Thank you for takin’ care of me." He offered the boy a smile and groaned as his wounds were brushed and touched. “Fooooood  yes sir." 

[andy-barson]

Andy stared at Jake, as the man looked him over. He nodded and smiled shyly when the towel dropped and the man was sitting on his bed dressing. " You can have this cell, I mean, or we can share it.. No, you can have it.. I can take the one next to it.. Or whatever. " He chuckled and shook his head slightly, he tried not to stare as Jake didn't pull his pants up all the way, damn him. He went back to his bags, searching through them and found his bag of first aid shit. He had his own things, because why would he share if he knew, if it came down to it, the group would let him die before helping him. He crouched in front of Jake, oh god what was he doing. Why wasn't he pulling his pants up all the way. Andy was focused on the wounds. " Let me patch you up, then i'll even give you a massage or somethin' after we eat, okay?" 

"What happened to you?" Jake gripped Andy’s face in one palm, eyeing him over. Who would hit him? - Never mind. Answer was louder the more he thought about it. “Keep outta trouble- better then." Jake smirked, dropped the towel to the floor and took the clothes from Andy. “So, this my cell, where you stayin’?" Of course he was kidding. Jake eased himself down, sitting on the other man’s bed as he started to dress, one foot in the leg hole, the other leg in the other hole and he didn’t stand up to pull them on all the way yet. Too sore, too tired… and part of him liked to tease. 

[andy-barson]

Andy led Jake to his cell, it was in the corner, on top, there were empty cells that separated himself and the others. He walked in and waited for Jake to enter before shutting the cell door. He cleared his throat nervously. Because Jake was still unclothed. " I could be better.. Keepin' out of trouble, yeah, kinda. I try to keep to myself.. 'Cept.. well." He motioned to the fading bruises on his face. and shrugged. He rummaged through his bags and pulled out a pair of sweats and a shirt for Jake. Flashing him a smile as he handed them to the other. 

Jake leaned his head against the wall, unable to tear his eyes away from Andy. Nurse and chef and caretaker. Andy. “Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. Thanks." He offered a smile, grabbed his clothes and started off for the cells, unsure which one was the younger man’s. “So, how’ve you been? Keepin’ outta trouble?" 

[andy-barson]

" I'd like it if you lingered 'round." Not just because he thought he was safer here if Jake was here, he honestly missed Jake so damn much. That wink made his heart melt. God, he would love to just be able to hug the other man tightly and never let go, kiss those pretty lips again, but he couldn't. And that hurt. He cleared his throat and nudged Jake. " Come back to my cell first, i'll patch you up the best I can, i have some clothes you can wear, i think they'll fit. If you don't have any that is." Of course they'd fit, they were Jake's clothes, what Andy managed to take and claim as his own back when they were together that is." Then i'll cook ya' somethin', alright?"

"Shit man." Of course Jake considered the drastic changes in everyone’s moods and behaviors but he just assumed madness to sit in, sink in and take everyone that the zombies didn’t get to first “Nah, might linger around. Keep you fuckers safe. You guys seem too be losing your damn minds. Rhys an’ I got this elaborate plan to head north. Possibly Alaska Snow and all that shit." Jake finished the shower and grabbed his towl, wrapped it around his waist and gave Andy a little wink as he walked by him. “What’s there to eat ‘round here. I’m starved." 

[andy-barson]

Maybe? I can bring you water or somethin'?

Yeah, got stabbed. I don’t know., Uh, maybe, 

[andy-barson]

Andy nodded, he just didn't want to be bothering the man while he showered, He leaned again wall and smiled softly when Jake was talking, then he heard the laugh and his smile widened. He still loved Jake, obviously. " That Doctor, Jenner or whatever, was gonna blow us all up. We finally managed to get him to let us out, they tagged along, the place blew up, we camped out in the woods for sometime, then they found the prison." He shrugged. " Shit's gone to hell with this group, Jake.. You and that Rhys' guy, are better off out there on your own. " It was honest, people were stabbing eachother. How the hell was that family?

Jake was already stripped and heading into the spray by the time Andy offered to leave. “Why? We’ve seen each other naked before. We’ve fucked, Andy. Nothin’ you ain’t ever seen." He grabbed the soap and started lathering suds over his body. “Uuuuhm, we met at Yonkers, up in New York. He was survivin’ up there but the place was dead, you know? He’s Marines I’m Navy, only seemed right to get the brotherhood together an’ kick this apocalypse in the ass." Jake laughed to himself as his fingers deftly ran over his body, careful around the wounds to ensure they were properly clean. “How’d ya’ll end up here, huh?" 

[andy-barson]

" Okay." Andy nodded, he was like a fucking lost puppy begging. He let out a sigh, " Where'd you meet Rhys' at? I just.. I do wanna hear more stories.. If you don't mind." He chewed on his lip nervously. " I'll go out.. there and wait, let you shower in peace. I'm real sorry for botherin' you. " He nodded softly.

There was this big resounding silence between them after Jake let Any drone on and on with his apologies. None of them meant shit to Jake anymore. They had their time together. Jake moved on. Andy carried on and now they needed to live in peace until Jake and Rhys picked up and headed out again. “Fine. I’m showerin’ but you’re gonna fuckin’ stop with this sorry shit okay? I don’t wanna hear it. You beat that horse to death, Andy, move on." 

[andy-barson]

Andy shook his head quickly, he followed Jake. " I'm sorry, i'm shuttin' up, Shower, let me put bandages on your wounds, please. then I'll leave you 'lone. Please. I know I fucked up, i know i have no right to even ask shit. I'm sorry, i'm shuttin' up. " He knew he was playing this all like it was Jake's fault, he knew it was his own fault. He knew he could never ever make up for any of it. His eyes squinted slightly as his head tilted slightly confused, he rubbed the back of his neck. " Love of your life, huh?" He cleared his throat and shook his head " Let me fix up your wounds, okay? Then i will go back to my cell and leave you 'lone, okay? " He didn't have anyone else to talk to, let alone nag. 

Well fuck. They had to go down this road all the fuck over again? Jake rolled his eyes. “You see? You do this. You assume I’m here for you or for them. I told you, but as you said, Andy, you don’t give a fuck so you’re not hearing me. I was traveling around with some Marine guy and we stumbled upon this prison. I saw Shane and realized.. I found ya’ll again. Fuck man, you know the CDC is blown to bits? You know how worried and torn up I was? What was goin’ through my mind? Fuck." Jake walked away from Andy by the second bit. He wasn’t going through this anymore. They weren’t together. Andy didn’t need an explanation. He dug his grave. He made his bed. He could lay in it. “I left because the love of my life couldn’t keep his pants up. I left to get away from you because of the way you made me feel. And no, I don’t plan on stickin’ around this time either. Long enough to rest, resupply then me an’ Rhys are out again so don’t worry. I wont burden you anymore. We done here man? Go on. Go find someone else to nag, I ain’t hearin’ it."

[andy-barson]

You're the one that got stabbed right? I could bring you some food?

I’m fucking starving, man.