andylyn

[andylyn]

Full offense and pun fully intended, but I genuinely think the very existence of "dead dove, do not eat" was a fucking canary in the mines, and no one really paid attention.

Because the tag itself was created as a response to a fandom-wide tendency to disregard warnings and assume tagging was exaggerated. And then the same fucking idiots reading those tags describing things they found upsetting or disturbing or just not to their taste would STILL click into the stories and give the writer's grief about it.

And as a response writers began using the tag to signal "no, really, I MEAN the tags!"

But like.

If you really think about it, that's a solution to a different problem. The solution to "I know you tagged your story appropriately but I chose to disregard the tags and warnings by reading it anyway, even though I knew it would upset me, so now I'm upset and making it your problem" is frankly a block, a ban and wide-spread blacklisting. But fandom as a whole is fucking awful at handling bad faith, insidious arguments that appeal to community inclusion and weaponize the fact most people participating in fandom want to share the space with others, as opposed to hurting people.

So instead of upfront ridiculing this kind of maladaptive attempt to foster one's own emotional self-regulation onto random strangers on the internet, fandom compromised and came up with a redundant tag in a good faith attempt to address an imaginary nuance.

There is no nuance to this.

A writer's job is to tag their work correctly. It's not to tag it exhaustively. It's not even to tag it extensively. A writer's sole obligation, as far as AO3 and arguably fandom spaces are concerned, is to make damn sure that the tags they put on their story actually match whatever is going on in that story.

That's it.

That's all.

"But what if I don't want to read X?" Well, you don't read fic that's tagged X.

"But what if I read something that wasn't tagged X?" Well, that's very unfortunate for you, but if it is genuinely that upsetting, you have a responsibility to yourself to only browse things explicitly tagged to not include X.

"But that's not a lot of fic!" Hi, you must be new here, yes, welcome to fandom. Most of our spaces are built explicitly as a reaction to There's Not Enough Of The Thing I Want, both in canon and fandom.

"But there are things on the internet that I don't like!" Yeah, and they are also out there, offline. And, here's the thing, things existing even though we personally dislike or even hate or even flat out find offensive/gross/immoral/unspeakable existing is the price we pay to secure our right to exist as individuals and creators, regardless of who finds US personally unpleasant, hateful or flat out offensive/gross/immoral/unspeakable.

"But what about [illegal thing]?!" So the thing itself is illegal, because the thing itself has been deemed harmful. But your goddamn cop-poisoned authoritarian little heart needs to learn that sometimes things are illegal that aren't harmful, and defaulting to "but illegal!" is a surefire way to end up on the wrong side of the fascism pop quiz. You're not a figure of authority and the more you demand to control and exercise authority by command, rather than leadership, the less impressive you seem. You know how you make actual, genuine change in a community? You center harm and argue in good faith to find accommodations and spread awareness of real, actual problems.

But let's play your game. Let's pretend we're all brainwashed cop-abiding little cogs that do not own a single working brain cell to exercise critical thinking with. 99% of the time, when you cry about any given thing "being illegal!!!" you're correct only so far as the THING itself being illegal. The act or object is illegal. Depiction of it is not. You know why, dipshit? Because if depiction of the thing were illegal, you wouldn't be able to talk about it. You wouldn't be able to educate about it. You wouldn't be able to reexamine and discuss and understand the thing, how and why and where it happens and how to prevent it. And yeah, depiction being legal opens the door for people to make depictions that are in bad taste or probably not appropriate. Sure. But that's the price we pay, creating tools to demystify some of the most horrific things in the world and support the people who've survived them. The net good of those tools existing outweighs the harm of people misusing them.

"You're defending the indefensible!" No, you're clumsily stumbling into a conversation that's been going on for centuries, with your elementary school understanding of morality and your bone-deep police state rot filtering your perception of reality, and insisting you figured it out and everyone else at the table is an idiot for not agreeing with you. Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and read a goddamn book.

[andylyn]

Made a silly doodle of ROTB Noah Diaz being a Cybertronian. Didn't have any particular alt-mode in mind. Don’t know if I should make it an AU or not.

[andylyn]

no no see, domesticity IS hot. how intimate it is to make food with someone, to share a bed, to brush your teeth at the same sink, to shower and use the same towels and the same laundry soap, to grocery shop and hold hands through the aisles, to be cornered in the kitchen to make out while a pot of pasta boils over on the stove. to fall asleep and hear them snoring softly and laugh at the little trail of drool out of the corner of their mouth. to spend money together and share chores and pick on each other for your weird habits. it's not always perfect and beautiful, but it's comfortable and familiar and I just think it's neat.

[andylyn]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

a. You will always have a special place in my heart

Synopsis: Having the infamous Vice-Captain of the Third Division of the Defense Force as your fiance isn't easy especially when the rest of the force expects you to be strong enough to be worthy to be by his side along with your family demanding you to finally get married and give them an heir. The continuous onslaught of expectations and demands from all sides keeps you up at night when you think about how you don't really have a good relationship with him. Or at least that's what you thought... Her: I've loved you ever since I first saw you Him: I've loved you even before I met you

Pairing/s: Soshiro Hoshina x Fiancee!OC

Notes: I am posting this first because I thought it would be better to show their good relationship first than the planned main story. Soshiro is down bad for his fiancee.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Childhood Sweethearts, School Romance

Masterlist: TOC

One of the happiest days in Uzui Kagami's life was the day, she and Soshiro became engaged as children. During her earliest memories, she absolutely adored her parents' relationship and dreams to have the same once she got older. To her surprise, a visit to some place other than her house changed the trajectory of her life! Why? Because her dream has finally come true! At least half of it did.

From that moment onwards, she would often visit the Hoshina estate to train with them and be with her fiance. Poor Kagami was so shy that despite this being what she wanted, she couldn't even bring herself to come near him, satisfied with just watching him from afar.

Kagami would hide behind a pillar or a wall and watch the Hoshina brothers train, with her eyes on Soshiro and Soshiro only. She would admire his skills, his looks, his growth, and his persistence. Not that she could tell him that, she couldn't even be in the same room as him without clamming up.

For the first few weeks of introduction, she would gaze at him from afar until his older brother could no longer handle it. Soichiro-niisan dragged her out of her hiding spot like a wet kitten and placed her on the sidelines to observe closely. She tried to run away but ultimately failed from his tight grip.

"Kagami-chan, you don't have to peek from afar when you could just watch here"

Soichiro-niisan tried to smile softly in order to calm the girl he just dragged over. But all it did was to make her cower and fidget uncomfortable while looking down.

"Don't bully her, nii-san"

Soshiro, with his two bamboo swords, hit his brother with their swordstyle mercilessly.

"Ouch! Wait! Soshiro! I'm sorry so please stop already!"

Having been caught off guard with no weapons, Soichiro would've accept his hits if it didn't hurt so much. It was rare to see this side of his brother, after all.

Once he stopped, only then did Soshiro turn to look at Kagami. She had long since stopped cowering and was now admiring him. Was he her prince charming or her knight in shining armor? Maybe both, cause him saving her made her like him even more.

"You can just stay here and watch"

He said so coolly with much composure and returned to his training. Kagami could only blush, trying to hide how giddy she was feeling.

.

As a child, Hoshina Soshiro didn't bother to understand what his family were talking about if it wasn't related to training or kaijus. He would attempt, yes, but his young brain still isn't able to comprehend it well.

They said something about an engagement between him and someone he will meet that day. He doesn't mind if it's something his parents decide for him. Arranged marriages are common like his older brother who already has a fiancee too.

It truly dawned on him from the moment his eyes laid on a particular shy girl that just entered the room. She was hiding behind her father but would peek out several times. He could only catch glimpses of her but he could already feel the pounding of his heart.

It was weird. He never experienced such having his heart beating so fast when resting. Was it because she reminds him of a squirrel, so cute and fidgety? He didn't know but when their eyes met, it felt like arrow shot through his heart.

It was love at first sight.

Soshiro was blushing madly for the very first time and his older brother doesn't help at all with all his teasing. Maybe it was the commotion that his brother was making that set their engagement in stone.

Cause when Kagami looked up from her bow, he was already avoiding her eyes. Especially once he saw her hopeful face and sparkly eyes. It struck a critical hit to his heart.

From that moment onwards, he would see her around the estate. She would sometimes be training on the dojo or watch him and his brother train from afar. Whenever she's watching, he couldn't help but take glimpses of her causing him to be distracted and lose cue his older brother's teasing.

As much as he wanted to look cool, he couldn't really do it after losing to his brother, can he? The saving grace for him would be when his brother picked her up and put her down next to him. It annoyed him when he did so cause how could his brother touch his fiancee like that. Soshiro was able to look cool by 'defending' her from his brother.

Be that as it may, it was truly bad for his young heart to have her around him like this. How could he remain calm when she's been staring at him the whole time. If he did talk to her while looking at her face, he can't guarantee not stuttering in front of her.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 5~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

It didn't take long for the two of them to be close enough to feel comfortable with each other's presence. They could just sit on the porch without talking and they're already content with it. Occasionally, they would spar until it became a bonding moment just for the two of them.

Most of their progress was all thanks to Soichiro-niisan who decided that it was his duty to be as meddlesome as possible in his brother's lovelife. He, not only would egg on his little brother by calling him weak, but also tease him in front of his crush. It contributed to the explosive growth of Soshiro when his task is to keep his older brother's mouth shut tightly from embarrassment.

Soshiro would continue to lose over and over again but demands to have a rematch even if it meant having tantrums in front of Kagami. He knew he was losing face by doing so but he atleast wanted to look cool yet his brother kept denying him of that.

Much to Soichiro-niisan's surprise and pleasure, his taunts did not only work on his little brother but also his little sister-in-law. As clueless she may be, she could tell if the words being said were an insult to her fiancee. Kagami would bring out her meanest look and glare at her big brother-in-law.

During those times, Kagami would scold him for bullying his little brother and say that Soshiro is the best swordsman in the world despite being so young and he could beat him because he's always been working hard and putting in effort more than anyone else. It would only be at the end that she realizes that it was all a bait from the smirk on his face as he leave the two blushing figures alone.

It still took a while for them to be close enough to make eye contact with being a mess. But atleast they got to talk to each other as a result.

To Hoshina Soshiro, it was the beginning of something new.

To Uzui Kagami, it was the start of her dream come true.

It was the age of innocence where seeds have been planted, not knowing what kind of fruit it will bear.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 7~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Two years after their engagement, they were now a bit more mature yet still childish. They understand that they have duties to perform and live up to expectations of the adults. Such burdens, when introduced to children was a lot of pressure to say the least.

Soshiro acknowledging to himself that he is a reject compared to his perfect brother. Only his persistence to wield the sword was his salvation.

Kagami having to face countless trials not knowing that it might never end in the pursuit of perfection. In hopes of being acknowledged by her family despite her grief.

Just last year, Kagami's mother died along with her unborn baby brother. It was an unfortunate incident where a kaiju appeared near the hospital on the day of her checkup and they got caught in the aftermath. Ever since then, her father became a different person along with her other clan members.

The shift in the atmosphere was so obvious that even Kagami, as dense as she is, could feel it. She was restricted from visiting the Hoshina estate in order to prepare herself as the sole heir to the head of the clan. Many times she wished to run away but she couldn't do so because whenever she got caught, more punishment would just await her.

Her solace was when the Hoshinas would come to visit. They would dress her up and tell her to smile and act like nothing happened to not disgrace her family any further. In which, she does so without question cause just meeting her fiancee was enough for her.

Soshiro felt a pleasant surprise with how Kagami welcomed him to her home with much excitement but maybe that was just him missing her as it has been a long time since they last met each other.

As they were given the time to be alone, he knew that it was an act shown to the people around them. Only with him does she show her real face, as does he. Their comfort is with each other, comrades in their struggles at their young age.

In the place where Hoshina Soshiro believes that he is a reject, to Uzui Kagami he is perfect just the way he is.

In the place where Uzui Kagami has to be perfect in every way, to Hoshina Soshiro her imperfections are part of her charms.

The seeds have been nurtured and sprouted, taking root into the deepest pits of their hearts.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 13~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Middle school is the place where young teens start to experience such things called hormones. Spring is the moment of encounters but it is also the season of love.

Kagami doesn't think that being in middle school would change anything as it is just a small part of her life. She didn't think it was as important as her life back at home. That's what she try to tell herself because it's been over a year and she never had any friends yet.

It doesn't matter does it, she thought. But in reality, she blames her shy personality and being an introvert for making her lose out on things. Her pessimistic attitude doesn't help as it only makes things worse.

Hormones were the worst thing ever as it developed her body in the most uncomfortable ways like the sudden growth of her chest and the hellish pain of losing blood on a monthly basis. It also messes up her mind by giving her complicated thoughts and the sudden influx of emotions was enough to make her crazy as she has to act like nothing is happening.

There was one thing she believes in though. Love. It was something she already experienced herself and will continue to do so in the future. This age only gives her fantasies of what she wants their relationship to be like if she gets the courage to make a move.

"What are you thinking to make you smile like that?"

Soshiro asked as he long put down his book in order to observe her. Since when? She didn't know but being caught in the act itself was enough to make her feel embarrassed.

"I-It's nothing!"

While she tried to cover her face with the book on her hands, Soshiro pretended to think by placing his thumb and index finger on his chin before he revealed a mischievous grin.

"Were you... Thinking about me? Even though I'm right in front of you?"

Hoshina Soshiro struck a homerun! If only the ground could swallow her whole so that she could hide, but there is no hole to hide inside the library. She had to settle with pressing the book closer to her face as that's the only way she could hide.

"You're so cute~"

Soshiro chuckled with his eyes open as she fidgets around and didn't know what to do. Can a human being possibly melt? Cause she's combusting so much she could melt.

"Please stop teasing me"

She let go of her book and buried her face in her arms on the table to hide her burning face. It was a futile attempt as she was already caught but she still did it anyways. At least let her keep her dignity!

She could hear him getting up from his seat and sitting beside her. His fingers brushing her hair and tucking it behind her burning ears.

"It's true though"

He paused and she couldn't help but take a peek at the rustling beside her. He was in the same position as hers yet peeking at her with his eyes open, showing that soft and sweet smile that is exclusively for her eyes only. Maintaining eye contact to show the seriousness of his words.

"For me, you're the prettiest girl in the entire world"

Uzui Kagami.exe has stopped working.

Hoshina Soshiro.exe has also stopped working.

Thank goodness it was only the two of them in the library at this hour, otherwise, it would be the listeners who dies at second-hand embarrassment from their flirting.

The buds of youth quivers at its desire to bloom.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 15~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Hoshina Soshiro has made it a habit to tease his fiancee whenever possible. He couldn't help it when her reactions are so cute and amusing. He feels proud to being the only one with the right to see her like that.

He often smirks and act smug in front of his classmates and the other boys in their school, those he clearly knew has a blatant crush on his fiancee. Sometimes he wishes that she knows just how popular she is so she could feel confident in herself but at the same time he's glad she doesn't know.

It was always clear as day that she favors him more than any other, to him and to the people around them. To others, she would grace a polite smile and only answer their questions professionally. With him, she would laugh at his jokes and engage in conversations. Showing off that sweet smile that captivates anyone who sees it, including Soshiro.

Soshiro didn't know how many times he had to control himself from glomping at her and keeping her by his side, somewhere only he can see. The same smile that critically hit his heart on the first day they met continues to do so every single day, each time getting more powerful.

When he reminisces on their first meeting to now, he could see the improvement on their relationship for they had grown closer than before. If in the future, they continue to be together while working and get married then have kids---.

Stop! He's getting ahead of himself when they hadn't even hold hands yet... Wait... They haven't hold hands yet?

"Soshiro? Soshiro! Are you okay? You suddenly slapped yourself"

Asked Kagami with eyes filled with concern at his unexpected actions, not knowing she was the cause of it.

"It was nothing"

"Eh? Are you sure? That looks painful though"

She lifted her arm so her hand could touch the growing bruise on his cheeks. The feeling of her fingers gingerly touching his cheeks like it was something fragile and precious felt like static so he winced.

"It is painful! Come on, let's go to the infirmary to dress it okay?"

She immediately held his hand like it was a natural thing to do and dragged him to the infirmary. Soshiro felt stupid at his earlier thought. Who said they haven't hold hands yet? They were doing it now, weren't they?

Still, he hopes she doesn't turn around to look at him so she wouldn't see just how red his face is.

Since then, Soshiro keeps making excuses to touch her hand. He doesn't need to since she'll gladly let him do so anytime.

You must give it sufficient nutrients in order to bloom.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~AGE 18~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Ever since they were children, they've been training hard to join the defense force as their ultimate goal. To slay kaijus, serve their country, and make their family proud.

<Defense Force Screening Exam Part 2 Venue>

After passing the written exams, Uzui Kagami and Hoshina Soshiro are confident in their abilities to pass the second part of the exams as well.

"Are you nervous?"

Soshiro asked the girl beside him as they stand in front of the venue, squeezing her hand in comfort.

"Just a little bit"

Kagami placed her free hand on her chest, not only was she nervous of the exams but also the thought of encountering new people.

"Me too. But we've been working hard for this for a very long time, haven't we?"

Soshiro despite being nervous himself cheered her up. In doing so, cleared both his and her worries.

"You're right"

Giving one last squeeze on each other's hands, they walked inside and took the test.

.

The two of them settled inside a cafe as they revealed the envelopes that will change their lives.

"Somehow, i'm getting nervous that my hands are shaking"

Kagami said as she attempted to stop her shaking, the tension was making her hands clammy and sweaty.

"Do you want to open it now?"

Soshiro was calm, seeing her this fussy once more felt like his nervousness was transferred to her instead of him. He felt guilty but still thinks she was cute like this.

"No matter the outcome, i'll still be proud of you"

He tried to comfort her with his words though it somehow only deepened her frown.

"I can't have that. We have to pass together"

With deep concentration, she took her envelope in her hands and opened it. Though struck by her resolve, he could only smile and shake his head, copying her actions.

Uzui Kagami/Hoshina Soshiro, as a result of you satisfactory performance, you have PASSED the exam.

A moment of silence before...

"We did it! We passed!"

With a rare outburst of joy, Kagami hurriedly moved out her seat to his and tackled him with a hug. Soshiro was expecting them to both pass but it truly does bring him joy when she expresses her happiness so well.

It was one of the rare instances that he sees of her initiating things. And he was indulging in it.

"Let's celebrate this occasion with some Mont Blanc and coffee"

Kagami called for the waiter and gave their orders. At the same time, she went back to her seat after recovering from her high. It felt like they could hear each other's thoughts as they both bowed to each other.

"Let's continue to work together from now on. Please take care of me"

Rewarding their hard work and efforts, the flower finally bloomed.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~Early 20's~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Kagami and Soshiro joined the same division and stayed there together, having only each other's backs. It wasn't without struggle for them as they both specialize in sword slaying. Kagami was more flexible of the two as her precision and accuracy was better in long distance range so she could easily pick up a gun, but still she prefers to use swords if she could.

On one particular day, she heard her fellow officers making fun of her and her fiancee. It would've been fine if they were insulting her only but they also had to insult him. She was usually calm and quiet, preferring to keep to herself but she would never let anyone who insults Soshiro continue to yap their mouths.

"Please take that back! Soshiro-san has been working hard this entire time and putting in double the effort more than anyone else! If you give him a chance, you will understand that he can shine even brighter when he uses his swordsmanship!"

Hoshina Soshiro wonders why there was a crowd forming just outside the training room, until he heard a familiar voice inside of it. That voice, usually so calm and quiet to the point of whisper, was loud enough to pique the attentions of passersby. It wasn't only her uncharacteristic outburst that was eye-catching but also the words she's saying were. For it was filled with praises for him.

Once Soshiro realized that he was the topic of the conversation, he felt shy but he wanted to stop her even more. He doesn't want her to fight their fellow officers nor does he want her to get scolded by their superiors.

After wrestling his way through the crowd, he finally dragged her away, offering apologies on her behalf. Even if they did deserve the scolding they received from her, and doesn't really want to apologize to them, he had to do so out of courtesy.

Once he got her away to somewhere private, she was still quite upset, eyes glistening with unshed tears. She refused to look at his face and look down.

"I appreciate you defending me, Kagami. However, it's not like you to be that angry"

Soshiro urges her to look at him, to stare at his eyes by placing his hands on her cheeks. Once she look up, he could see the sad expression on her face. She was sad for him.

"They went too far. They don't know how great of a person you are. You're the best when it comes to close combat and slaying small kaijus, you could eliminate more than any of them could yet they still..."

"Thank you"

He wanted her to say more but her current state wouldn't let her. She was a bawling mess in his hands as he wipes away her tears. It was her first time crying in front of him yet he felt happy. All because she was thinking of him, all of it was for his sake and never yours.

The truth is, he was so incredibly touched by his fiancee's actions. It almost moved him to tears himself. Everyone wanted him to stop, his superiors and his family, yet she hopes that he could keep going. She pushes him to do what he loves despite people saying otherwise.

If they weren't at work right now, or if they were somewhere more private than the place he chose, he would've kissed her on the lips. He just settled for the forehead instead then he hugs her while patting her head. He whispered once again.

"Thank you"

The little flower happily showers in the rain filled with love.

[andylyn]

I cannot get the idea out of my head, the soft intimacy of sterek.

Of finding your person, finding your home, having somewhere safe to rest your body.

Holding onto each other, stiles running just the tips of his fingers over Derek’s shoulders when he’s overwhelmed.

Bringing their foreheads together and just being in each others company. Derek running his knuckles over stiles cheek.

Stiles tracing Derek’s tattoo in the early hours of the morning. Derek tracing the patterns of freckles on stiles skin. Feeling the others smile against their lips

Helping each other with wounds, and washing each other hair. Derek loving the sound of stiles talking, stiles loving the sound of Derek’s laugh.

Just the inherent softness of them being completely safe with one another 

[andylyn]

i’m sorry but i am a complete supporter that baberoe are soulmates (actually i’m not sorry at all) !! wdym that babe and gene don’t find each other in every life—they obviously do. we’re talking about these two having a magnetic fucking pull to each other. we’re talking about them finding each others eyes first in whatever room they walk into. we’re talking about their fav colors being the others eyes/hair. we’re talking about them being calmed by the others presence. we’re talking about pure love baby. like of fucking course they find each other in every life. they’re dragged to each other without even realizing it. for some reason gene finds himself coming to philly for med school or babe finds himself getting lost in louisiana like yeah they’re the red string theory. they find each other in every life because they’re dragged to each other without even realizing it (don’t you get it guys !! they are dragged to each other without even realizing it). and when they meet for the first time, something clicks. all of a sudden a warmth grows inside of them and they know they’re home.

[andylyn]

I know I promised Blonde Bucky soon, but can I interest anyone in Hallucination Bucky instead?

It's the jacket.

Bucky loved that stupid, awful, never clean monstrosity. Once it had be a pale cream, Gale's sure. Time and Bucky's usual ability to take care of himself and his things had quickly seen that the cream yellowed.

Buck had hated it. Gale still hates it.

"C'mon Buck," A familiar voice. "It's not that bad. You just have no eye for style."

Gale twitches towards the voice before he can stop himself. It's old habit, one that refuses to die.

"Jack took good care of it, don't you think? Even managed to get the worst of the staining out." Hands stretch out into Gale's line of sight reaching for his own. A flash of a sleeve. Gale turns his head. A sigh into his left ear. "Buck, please I'm sorry, okay? I know its hard, but I'm trying."

Gale shakes his head. He keeps his eyes on the horizon. Ken's leading his boys through a few repairs. Beyond him, pilots run training flights. Beyond them, Gale can't see but imagines a world holding it's breath. But perhaps he's just projecting.

"I should have been with you." The voice is mournful this time, a contrast to its usual vibrancy but one Gale has heard frequently the last few months. "Buck, please."

Gale turns a page in his book. He's heard this pleading before. There's nothing to forgive. He was never left behind.

"Buck, I'm sorry. Please, I shouldn't have gone to London. Forgive me?"

"Major Cleven?" A lieutenant Gale doesn't recognize walks up to him, not that Gale recognizes most of the men on base nowadays. They're all so new, and none of them let him forget the people they replaced. He stands just enough to Gale's left that he has to turn his head back. He keeps his eyes on the lieutenant.

"Apologies for interupting. I was sent to bring you to a briefing with Kidd."

"Not interupting a thing." Gale can hear the huff from the other, knows that if he turned his head just a degree he'd see hands on hips and rolled eyes. A yellow jacket that he hates. He slowly shuts his book not caring enough to mark the page. He hadn't read a word of it anyway.

"Not a problem," Gale lets the lieutenant guide him as if it was he that was new to Thorpe Abbotts. "Is this about the ceasefire?"

"I'm not sure, sir." The lieutenant won't meet his eye.

"It's gotta be!" Gale pretends the stutter in his step is the uneven gravel under his feet not the voice in his ear. "Jack better let you back in the air, I'm not missing this!"

"Here you are Major," The lieutenant's farewell is professional and respectful, Gale's is lackluster.

Jack's waiting for him. Gale can't look at him without remembering.

"Bucky would want you to have this."

The memory hits him like punch to the gut. He breathes out, air rattling around in a harsh burst he refuses to call a grunt. Jack doesn't notice, or if he does, he's good enough to not mention it.

"I've got you scheduled for a couple training flights starting tomorrow." Jack picks up a few different documents glancing through each before replacing them. He lists of a few times that Gale quietly memorizes. Jack won't meet Gale’s eye.

"Any word on the Germans?" Gale sees a hand reach out to tug a discarded document closer. A familiar sleeve comes into view, sheepskin ragged and dirty. He rips his eyes away.

"Not yet," Jack finally looks at Gale. "Smokey said you're good to go."

It's not a question, but Gale answers like it is.

"He did."

"Fit as a fiddle, though I still think he needs to gain a few more pounds."

Gale leans over the table too used to this chatter now. The documents Jack had been looking over are supply lists. The one tugged to the edge of the desk lists incoming flights from Paris.

"When would we go up?" Gale shudders as a familiar weight settles next to him intently reading the lists as well. Gale inches away.

"As soon as we get everyone trained up." Jack pulls out a map for Gale to look at. "Waiting for a few more shipments from the ports as well, but they'll be here before you're in the air tomorrow. All goes well, we'll be ready in a few days."

"Good," Gale pulls away. The voice to his side stays silent, but Gale doesn't look. It'll only makes things worse he's learned.

"That's all. Rosie will grab you tomorrow, so don't worry about anything else."

Gale nods taking the unspoken dismissal. Turning, his eyes jump to his left unbidden as someone drops something, instincts screaming at him to find the threat. An old yellow jacket fills his vision.

"How about some dinner Buck?" A bright grin graces familiar lips. "I'm sure the chow here will beat anything the Germans can make."

The idea of food turns his stomach, but he knows he needs to eat. Others will notice if he skips dinner, and he doesn't want his health called into question. He looks away.

"See you at dinner?" Gale turns back to Jack. The other's eyes watch him.

"Sure Buck," Jack puts down his papers. "Let's walk over now. You wouldn't believe the lines these days."

"That a fact?"

Jack falls into step at his right side Gale notices. A hand grips his left shoulder.

"Good job Buck." The touch fades away. A weight settles over his chest.

Dinner is a quiet affair. Rosie and Crosby join them, but no one seems to be in a jovial or talking mood. They're all so tired that a quiet farewell is the most any of them talk.

It's the silence Gale hates most, after that jacket, of course. He darts a look to his left, but he finds only Rosie, who meets his gaze with a small smile that Gale tries to return. He's not sure how he manages.

Gale avoids his bunk after dinner. Night has finally grabbed hold of the base, but he keeps away from his bed, from his trunk. From the trunk not his own under his bed gathering dust. He thinks of the jacket locked away there, unable to be returned to its rightful owner. He knows what awaits him there and turns away when the others head towards their quarters. He'll sleep another time.

The hardstands are quiet. No one's out wandering like him. The crews have been working all day to get the planes ready, and Gale's sure they're all glad to be prepping these planes for mercy rather than war.

Still, the silence unnerves him.

"Buck," A faint whisper in his ear. A hand clutching at his left shoulder. The sleeve of a jacket he knows in his peripheries. Gale shudders out his next breathe as tears prick at his eyes.

It's not John. He knows that. He's spent days telling himself to look away, to pretend he can't hear anything. Because he knows John is still somewhere in Germany. John is with the men. John is fine.

He's held tight to that mantra these last few days. Whispered it to himself at night when he can't sleep, in the morning when he wakes from nightmares, and the moments in between. John is with the men. John is fine. John isn't next to him, Gale knows this. John isn't kneeling down gently taking Gale's cold hands in his warm ones.

Because he knows that John wouldn't smile at him the way he is now. Gale wouldn't deserve it.

He can't remember slumping to the ground, but he'll remember the sad smile he receives forever. Blue eyes pinched but still so clear as they stare at him. Full cheeks so different from the ones Gale last saw. Tears fall down his own cheeks as he remembers how John started to fade away during those long winter months. His frame thinner each day, but here there's no trace of hunger. It's just him. Just a familiar smile and an old jacket Gale used to hate. An old jacket he can't bear to look at.

"I don't blame you." The words fall into his ears even as Gale shakes his head. They won't stop. "I wanted you out of there more than I wanted to get out. I swear it Buck."

"I can't." Gale sobs out. He tries to breathe, but his tears take precedence. "You should be here. Not me."

"No!"

Hands reach up wiping away his tears. Gale wonders how something so warm could exist when he's so cold, as if the sun had burrowed into one man's very being as winter burrowed into his.

"You deserve it Buck!" Gale shakes his head, but the voice repeats, firmer this time. "You deserve it Buck. If you can't believe it, I'll believe enough for both of us."

"I should have made you go first." Gale says. Tears slip from his eyes. The dam he's been holding back for so long finally broken. "I should have chosen a better time. If I'd just-!"

"You can't control everything Buck." Said with such a sad smile, Gale wants to scream.

"I could have been shot by that guard. Or I could have been the one killed in those woods." The words shock Gale to his core. "If you let me go ahead of you or you changed the order, anything could have happened. None of it in your control."

Calloused hands wipe away his tears. Gale shudders out his next breathe.

"I forgive you Gale."

"No," Gale rasps out. This wasn't what he wanted. This wasn't right. He doesn't deserve this. "You can't."

"I forgive you for going before me." Another tear wiped away.

"I forgive you for not looking back." A hand cups his cheek.

"I forgive you for making it out of there." A kiss placed on his cheek just on his scar.

"I forgive you for leaving me behind." A forehead pressed against his own.

"I forgive you Gale Winston Cleven."

Gale sobs. An old off cream jacket settles over his shoulders. He swears he can still feel the warmth of its owner. He hates it.

"I forgive you."

[andylyn]

I know a lot of the AUs that have the Shens as twins have Shen Yuan make Shen Jiu better* but I think we have to acknowledge the truth:

Shen Yuan would make Shen Jiu better

BUT

Shen Jiu would make Shen Yuan worse

They are both petty, sarcastic bitches who love to drink the haterade at their core

They wouldn't be "the nice one and the mean one" they would team up to make grown men cry with just a few words

They would be "the mean one who smiles and the mean one who doesn't"

Maaaybe Shen Yuan would get a rep for being the more honest or trustworthy of the two but he wouldn't be the nice one

He'd be the one who only verbally stabs you

I think they would both end up kinder than canon Shen Jiu. (No child abuse on Shen Yuan's watch) but they would be feared

*we're not talking about the other kinds of fics rn

[andylyn]

Rewatched ep 6 of the Pacific and THE FREAKING PARALLELS BETWEEN HOOSIER AND RUNNER GETTING SHOT IS MAKING ME CRAZY. But what’s driving me the most insane IS HOW LECKIE LEARNED SO QUICKLY FROM HIS HELPLESSNESS WITH HOOSIER.

When Runner gets shot, Leckie immediately gets out a cloth and puts pressure to his wound just like how the medic did to Hoosier. He’s also a lot calmer when talking to Runner compared to his “it ain’t shit” when talking to Hoosier. He is determined to be useful this time around. He’s not going to let down another friend. And so he goes to find a corpsman, and for the first time since Melbourne, he is determined to come back (ie: his multiple “I’m coming back”s when leaving Runner), and instead he gets blown up. No matter how much he tries—the frantic attempts to apply his limited medical knowledge, the yelling, the desperation—he is always helpless.

[andylyn]

It's been 3 days and i still can't get over ack ack... i keep thinking of what a sweet, gentle soul he was. Honestly, how many of us would preserve that calm and kindness and patience in the face of the immense horrors they were facing? And yet. Just the way he instantly assessed and utterly tactfully handled the daniels situation shattered me. And him comforting the kid that shot the other marine at night and giving him water? Goodbye, another piece of my heart... purest compassion. And his little "we're all afraid" speech that is so powerful because it wasn't empty words, you could tell he totally was afraid when he went scouting the japanese positions but he did it. Because it was to be done, and he rather put in danger himself than his boys. And... and how he put aside his own heartbreak over hillbilly to be there for the shocked haney?

But what absolutely crushes me is the bit about his father. It literally ripped my heart out and it doesn't fit back properly ever since. The way he chews on his lip while he says it, like he's almost self-conscious about sharing the thought that is so tender and pure in the middle of all the filth it makes me want to cry each time it pops up in my mind. (And i like to think it hit sledge just as hard because damn, if him thumbing at the collar of his uniform in thought before skinny dipping into the ocean, isn’t him thinking of the skipper and his dad weaving the marine greens...). That man was warmth and goodness in person, it is the worst worn-out cliché but he really was too good for this world. Or more like, he was too good for that goddamned war because it was exactly his selfless conduct that got him killed. And damn, i didn’t think it would hurt so bad but it does...

[andylyn]

There's another Winnix moment that I really love, one that often goes unnoticed. After Dick sternly assigns tasks to his men, he turns back to a just-woken-up, messy Nix who leans towards him. and the two of them left together.

This moment is so intimate and personal, it feels a bit like a husband coming home to his beloved wife after work. They are "them," and everyone else is just everyone else. They have their space, sitting in their exclusive jeep, and when they are briefly apart, they come back to each other, sticking together. If you get what I'm rambling about...

[andylyn]

the lovers

[andylyn]

TW blood

〖 九 〗

no matter how hard you try, you can't run away from the past

[andylyn]

Down Bad For Dick Winters PT. 1

The sluttiest thing a man can do is care too much about his friends and lose any semblance of survival instinct. Dick's unbridled anger and concern? Hot. Him cutting off Sink to call for Spiers? Sexy. His pissy face? GOD. IN. HEAVEN. Dick almost losing all absolute fucking control over himself? So sexy. Honestly, Dick's tendency to never want to delegate? So. Fucking. Hot.

I am so down bad, like I get it, Nix. Also the terror on Lew's face here knowing Dick could definitely cross that field. Go get yo, man. I can't tell you how many times I replayed this scene in a single sitting. CHRIST.

[andylyn]

shen bros doodle inspired by a post i saw about shen jiu making shen yuan worse

i love them, they’re so precious to me (they’re gossiping to each other)

[andylyn]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

[andylyn]

Although he worked for the Nixon company, Winters soon discovered that he seldom saw any of the Nixon family; at least, not at the plant. Stanhope had a home near New Brunswick that he called Farenton Lake, but much preferred to spend his winters in Florida. En route, he took in the Kentucky Derby and other races, laying down liberal bets. As spring arrived, the elder Nixon traveled back to New Jersey, where he spent the next month to six weeks looking over operations and giving instructions, before heading for his summer home in New England. The younger Nixon would come to the plant from his home in Princeton once or twice a week to get his mail and pick up his paycheck. This attitude troubled Winters, who understood that his friend did not have to work, but felt Nixon needed to take on some type of responsibility. One day at lunch he was no longer able to contain himself.

"Nix, why in the hell don't you take a job around here?" Winters asked. "There's a lot to do. They can use you. Someone from the family should be here. " The warmest, most pleasant smile Winters had ever seen creased Nixon's face. "Dick, I can't take a job," he said, as if the answer were obvious. "If I take a job, I’m taking work from somebody else and that would bother my conscience." "That's the way he was," Winters said fifty-five years later. "He was the same way in the army. His drinking interfered with the mundane details of administration, but he was a good communicator. He had the ability to talk and explain tactics and background to the men, and give them insight on the job they were supposed to be doing. He just was not a good administrator as far as going over details. He delegated that to underlings."

--Biggest Brother, The Life of Major Dick Winters