anerdwrites - Tumblr blog

[anerdwrites]

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[anerdwrites]

Reasons why the rest of the JL believes Batman and all of his children are metas/cryptids

-Weirdly good instincts

-They only see the bat and kids at night

-Hasn’t died

-If they have died, they came back within the year

-The JL has seen all of them at one point or another stay up for 96 hours straight and act semi-normally

-One time Batman was stabbed and started bleeding green(it was slime Bruce packed for kids to play with if they were at a crime scene)

-Red Robin didn’t cry while watching A Dogs Purpose for Young Justice’s movie night(he did, the mask hid his tears)

-They all know an absurd amount of Golf facts

-Somehow none of them age

-All of them are friends with a super

Wonder Women has the list and they update it after every mission.

[anerdwrites]

I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.

[anerdwrites]

For those that are going to miss the eclipse on Monday, I have created a simulation of what the eclipse will look like along the path of totality

[anerdwrites]

yknow it's a real shame that romans didn't have access to australia specifically for augury reasons. i really wish i could have seen a roman augur have to deal with australian birds. like imagine trying to properly interpret an omen from a fuckin. cassowary

[anerdwrites]

I'm not done talking about Derek as a brother. Things Derek does for Cora and Laura part 1

Plays Barbies with Cora. They had the cars and horse carriage, but before that they used My Little Ponies

He would brush her hair after she got out of the bath and got into her jammies

Knew the names of every kid who was nice to his sisters and would find some way to secretly thank them. Veronica, who stood up for Cora and whose bike has a flat? He'd fill it with air in the middle of the night. Isaiah gives Laura a snack and some water after gym? Mysteriously finds a bag of hot cheetos and $10 in his locker

Lets them paint his nails. Silly colors, silly designs, he doesn't care. And he won a bet against his friends that he could play basketball with acrylic nails and not pop the ball

He would take Cora to the movies when their mom had werewolf stuff and Laura was helping out and their dad was bailing Peter out of jail

Since werewolves are a little socially awkward, their parents thought they might want to enroll in after school classes to make friends. When Laura was little, she wanted to take ballet. Derek wasn't really interested in that stuff, but he chose ballet too so he would know Laura. And by the time Cora joined, he stayed to keep her company after Laura left. Even after Derek aged out of the program, he went to every recital and brought Cora flowers (even though it embarrassed her)

Derek has been known to fake being a crazy ex to get Laura out of bad dates

Derek has always supported his sisters' hobbies. He learned to read music to help Laura play the guitar, he bought Cora her first set of tarot cards, he studied cheer routines to practice with Laura

Whenever their parents were on a date or doing something important, Derek would take his sisters roller skating. He was never great at it, but he saw how much fun they had

Sometimes Cora would draw pictures for Derek and he kept a folder of them under his bed. There was so much stuff he collected, he put it in the vault. Now he has something that was saved from the fire

[anerdwrites]

Me flicking through my fandoms on ao3 as if it were a cookbook: so what are we feeling like today? More gay pirates or immortal husbands? Maybe something with magic?

Flicking through tags as if they were ingredients: Oh this angst would pare PERFECTLY with this protective tag! What about a little comfort sprinkled in? Oh this one calls for whump AND reluctant allies to lovers!!!

[anerdwrites]

[anerdwrites]

Alec: Okay, the kids' snack is in the refrigerator, their schedules are written here, they can watch TV but don't leave them unattended for too long and for no, but NO, reason do you let them take a nap. If they sleep their sleep cycle will be a disaster later.

Jace: Bro, relax, everything's going to be okay.

*Magnus in the other room*

Magnus: Okay. Let's go over it.

Rafael: Lunch at 1, snack at 3:30 and dinner when you return. Not eating anything Uncle Jace cooks, not leaving the house to hunt demons even if he says it's safe, and we can't play jumping on the furniture or walls either. We can't do dangerous spells that involve...

Max: I know! I know!

Rafael: But I'm saying it!

Magnus: Let him say one part, go ahead Blueberry.

Max: I can't do spells that involve: fire, breaking things even if they are small, summoning animals that do tsss, or psss, or ksss *putting hands in the shape of little claws*, levitating or summoning demons.

Rafael: We also can't listen to Uncle Jace if he has a new idea about a spell we've never done before.

Magnus: Very good! I am so proud of my little sweets, and what do we do if there is an emergency and daddy or Bapa can't come help?

Both: Call Aunty Catarina and Aunty Clary to save Uncle Jace.

[anerdwrites]

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR AROMANTIC PEOPLE AND IF YOU THINK THEY ARE VALID

I want to see how many people actually are willing to say this and not just act like it

[anerdwrites]

Do you think Vox made up his Alastor diss track on the spot, or do you think he had that script in his pocket for seven years just waiting for the perfect time?

[anerdwrites]

[anerdwrites]

Okay, normally, I don't do this kind of thing, but I can not get it out of my head.

Carmilla said the best thing to kill an angel with is to fight for what you love. To fight for something you believe in. And that's what the whole gang does.

Charlie fights for her dream

Vaggie fights for Charlie

Angel and Husk fight for their friends

Lucifer fights for his daughter

Sir Pentious DIED for love and friendship

Guess who doesn't win in their fight?

Alastor can not comprehend dying for friends of all things. He was fighting for power he was fighting for freedom, and he lost his fight.

[anerdwrites]

Rules for the Hazbin Hotel, authored by Vaggie:

1. No drugs.

2. No fights.

3. No pranks.

4. No problematic language.

5. No murder (OR TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL)

6. No smuggling in of drugs. Not by sticking them up your ass. Or by hiding them in a pizza box. Or by slingshotting them to the roof. Or getting someone else to. Not at all.

7. No sexual rendezvous with outsiders in the hotel. No SHOWING sexual rendezvous with strangers to people of the hotel either.

8. Make sure the pig/future pets stay in the patron’s room. (This includes eggs!!)

9. No singing Limit singing to once twice per day

10. Stop flirting with the bartender Angel

11. Don’t call Husk “Husker” unless he allows it.

12. No harassing the staff at all. This includes asking who tops.

13. Don’t suggest anything sexual/romantic to Alastor unless you want your head cut off.

14. NO CUTTING OFF PEOPLE’S HEADS

15. NO EATING PEOPLE

16. NO MAKING CHARLIE CRY.

17. Don’t ask me to put my spear “inside you” Angel, what the fuck?

18. Don’t turn the interior of the hotel into a swamp?! Keep it contained in your room if you must!

19. No stabbing staff or residents. No matter how much they look like bugs! (OR IF THEYRE NAME IS ANGEL)

20. Don’t try and stab bugs if they’re within 10 feet of another demon.

21. Don’t call anyone a “bitch” OR TALK ABOUT HOW MY NAME SOUNDS LIKE “VAGINA”

22. Limit Niffty’s access to sharp objects.

23. NO DEALS ALASTOR

24. No drinking. Limit drinking at bar.

25. No mentioning the Stock Market Crash of 1929. For everyone’s benefit.

26. Don’t blow a hole in the wall.

27. Try to keep roast battles OUTSIDE the hotel. (Or stop picking fights?? Please Alastor I swear to God…)

28. No spying on the hotel for outside sources or putting technology that can be used against us.

29. No evil laughing in the middle of the night, what the fuck Alastor?

30. No building weapons/war machines.

31. No eggs! (Fine the eggs can stay.)

32. Someone please keep an eye on Niffty. (And the eggs.)

33. Stop touching people ANGEL.

34. Don’t make other people storm off HUSK.

35. Respect boundaries.

36a. If Angel looks like he’s about to pass out/cry don’t comment. Let him do his thing.

36b. Don’t try to talk to Angel if he’s on the phone with Valentino. Honestly don’t even mention his phone calls with Valentino.

37. Please don’t call Lucifer “Daddy”

38. Don’t turn into a 20 foot tall demon-eating creature unless absolutely necessary.

39. Don’t cause angry loan sharks to show up at the front door.

40. NO EXPLOSIONS!

41. Rule #2, “No fights” can be broken if the person you’re fighting is Valentino. Or Adam.

42. Don’t lie to your girlfriend or hide the fact you were secretly an angel.

43. DONT TALK ABOUT PEOPLE’S TITS (or lack of)

44. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A BEDROOM ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE’S HAVING MAKEUP SEX

45. Don’t give people makeovers while they’re sleeping, ANGEL!

46. Don’t pretend to eat someone’s pet, ALASTOR

47. Don’t die.

48. I never want to hear the words “cum-plete” again.

49. STOP HAVING FIGHTS ACROSS THE BUILDING LUCIFER AND ALASTOR!!

50. If Charlie is passed out on the couch LET HER SLEEP

51. No making bombs in the hotel Cherri!

52. Stop breaking rules and then saying it’s “FOR SIR PENTIOUS!”

53. Angel don’t try to shoot someone if they break spaghetti.

54. Don’t break spaghetti. Or “ruin” Italian food. Whatever the fuck that means. This apparently includes pineapple on pizza.

55. Don’t mention Valentino unless Angel brings him up first.

56. Don’t comment on Angel and Husk’s flirting.

57. Only call Angel “Anthony” if things are serious (or if you’re Husk)

58. Don’t use any of the nicknames Husk and Angel use for each other. This includes but is not limited to: “Whiskers”, “Legs”, “Kitty”, “Webs”, “Tony”, “Love”, and “Baby.”

59. It’s better not to question whatever facts Husk gives about his past.

60. Family dinners at 6 pm unless you can’t make it due to prior obligation. Game nights after on Sundays.

61. No hunting people for sport and NO KNIFE MONOPOLY.

62. Don’t attach knives to a roomba so you can have a “boyfriend” Niffty.

63. Keep Niffty away from Roombas.

64. Alastor, treat people with decency. Really, it’s not that hard.

65. No making giant ducks that breathe fire to chase people around the hotel just because they call you short.

66. Therapy. Everyone.

67. DONT HAVE SEX ON THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!

68. If Valentino enters the property you have permission to stab him.

69. “Hell is forever” is bullshit. You guys aren’t. You can do this.

[anerdwrites]

Jason returning as the Red Hood.

But Bruce recognises his training in the way he fights. And assumes that Dick took on a side kick without him knowing.

That's now turned against them, because at that point Jason was only going after Bruce.

Or Dick told them to go after Bruce, just to spite him.

Bruce giving Dick the you're being a shit parent speech and Dick is both absolutely confused and resisting the urge to slap him.

Because hyocrite.

Than the Red Hood is revealed to be Jason.

And Dick, after the overwhelming trauma and relief hits him, lights up and gives Bruce the same speech back.

Word for word.

Because, and I'll say it again.

Hyocrite.

[anerdwrites]

Clint: Yesterday I overheard Kate saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Yelena replying “Trust me”.

Clint: I have never moved from one room to another so fast in my life.

[anerdwrites]

I need Clint Barton to meet Dick Grayson.

I need Clint to roll into a SHIELD ops assignment meeting having absolutely not read the briefing materials before the meeting. I need Phil Coulson to explain that there has been a serious threat against the life of Dick Grayson. Wayne Corp is about to announce some new initiatives. Intelligence confirms a criminal syndicate plans to kidnap Dick Grayson to force Bruce Wayne to call off the plans. SHIELD needs Wayne Corp to go through with it (and kidnapped sons of billionaires are always a headache) so Clint, we've created an identity for you as a Wayne Corp employee to keep an on things.

And Clint has to be like, "Yeah that won't work."

The analysts immediately take offense. "It's an airtight identity, you've done worse undercover work than babysitting a billionaire's kid."

Clint interrupts. "I can't pretend to be someone else around Dick Grayson. I know him. Me. Clint Barton. We were friends when we were kids."

Everyone at the meeting is losing it and Clint stares at them all. "How many circus kids do you think there are? Haley's and Carson's didn't tour together but our paths crossed in the offseason."

That explains why during his afternoon walk home, Dick Grayson comes across his childhood friend, Clint Barton, wearing jeans and a purple tank top, juggling and doing tricks for cash on the street. SHIELD has adjusted Clint Barton's identity so he's down on his luck, busking for spare change because it's hard to get a job when you're a deaf former circus performer with barely a GED.

Of course Dick wants to help and they reconnect. Dick asks Clint to perform at a Wayne gala. The same gala where the goons attempt to grab Dick Grayson. Dick keeps trying to slip out and change into Nightwing but? Somehow? Clint is always behind him? They're both trying to fight off the goons, still in their civvies, each trying to rescue each other while also not giving away their secret idecities,

"Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"I used to be a cop. Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"Would you believe me if I said bar fights?"

When it's all over, there's some disagreement about who is walking who home but Clint insists since Dick was almost kidnapped. Clint gets into his Hawkeye gear and plans to spend the night watching Dick's building for trouble when he sees Nightwing go swinging away from it.

Naturally he follows. Nightwing is meeting with the bats to report on the kidnapping attempt when there's a wild bit of confusion and mistaken identity as one of the bats slams Hawkeye to the ground and demands to know why he's following Nightwing.

Clint's lying there partially stunned at being nearly splattered by one of the robins or something when Nightwing leans over him.

"Clint?"

"Hey, Dick."

Clint and Dick were already friends but that's the story of how Hawkeye meets Nightwing.

(In the sequel, Clint turns up outside Dick's apartment months later. He's wearing multiple bandages, drinking a coffee with the name on the cup horribly misspelled with a K and holding Lucky's leash. He looks at Dick and says, "The Tracksuit Mafia has moved to Bludhaven, you got any plans tonight?")