anewfanheree - Tumblr blog

[anewfanheree]

Is it bad if i just want to not live anymore? Why do u all keep saying it's egoistic? The whole world it's going from already bad to even worse. What will be there left in a few years? When my generation will be the one dealing with everything. Is it egoistic to not wanna suffer alongside everyone? The extremely bad decisions the older generations did influenced the end we'll have to endure. But they won't be here anymore to experience the consequences. There's no going back. Nothing can be changed anymore. So why do I have to stay here, alive and in pain, and watch how everything is being destroyed. Why do u consider it egoistic? I just want to escape. U know what's egoistic? My parents. They just decided at some point, to make someone new ( it's a stupid rule demanded by society to be respected cause else U'll be the black sheep, along all the white one--*u won't fit in*) because they'll need support when they'll be old enough to not be able to take care of themselves. THEY ARE THE EGOISTIC ONES. I DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN. THEY DECIDED IT FOR ME, AND THEY BROUGHT ME HERE, WHERE EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP, AND THEY EXPECT ME TO BE MENTAL HEALTHY ENOUGH TO KEEP ME AND THEM, ALIVE. but I'm in pain, and I can see clearly how bad the world situation is. I don't want that to be my only purpose, but I also feel like there is no point in finding a purpose, cause death is close. For a ll of us. So finding a purpose will be just us, lying to ourselves. Our world is so little it literally doesn't matter. There is no point. We mean nothing to the universe. So even if we all die alongside The Earth, there is no difference, and will never be. All our problems are insignificant, and so are all our purposes.

[anewfanheree]

I don't wanna become an old someone with the only thought in mind "i could've done so much better" I am so scared a time like that will eventually come. I cry and fear my future cause i can't seem to find a way out of this. I'm stuck and i can't reach out for help. I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. They have their own ones to be worried about. Nobody's life is perfect, so i'll just be a side character in their story. I guess i can live that way. What i want or not, doesn't matter anyway. As long as i fake happiness, I won't bother them. That's how life is. Some people have to be the side characters even in their story.

I'm sorry for bothering u. Please ignore me. It's just an anxiety something. I think. I don't know. I'm sorry.

[anewfanheree]

There are 2 types of persons:

"Find what u love and let it kill u."

and

"Find what u love and live for it"

.... am i wrong?....