angeldelights-blog

[angeldelights-blog]

Im Autistic

I was diagnosed as Autistic just over a year ago now. I have moderate support needs but I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult.

I was also given help at school but they just weren't sure why I needed the help. My parents made adjustments for everyday life like cutting out my tags in clothes, having a list of safe food, taking me out at more quite times so I didn't get overwhelmed.

I do a lot of the "sterotypical" traits of Autism but I feel that late diagnosed Autistic people who have moderate or high support needs aren't spoken about often and I guess this is my way of saying how I feel.

My assessment was confusing in the end, level 1 because I speak well but high support needs so basically in the middle. I need a lot of help in my dad to day life. I can't make phone calls without a meltdown but I was assigned a person to help but I can't afford them. Hospitals are funny if you email them even when you explain and having physical disabilities it's a battle to get both needs met. I speak well but most of my childhood I only spoke to my dad and mum about my special interest of communism, sociology and psychology... oh and cats! I still have a special interest in all of these including cats!

I have aggressive meltdowns, I have hurt before and I can't control them. I can't give eye contact and struggle when meeting new people. I need support. I do have a partner and he helps me all the time, he's amazing and supportive and helps me with my dad to day life.

I do stim but I am being taught to redirect my stimming to less harmful behaviours but finding fidget toys that feel right is hard

I use headphones as im sensitive to sound and always have been. This is a huge struggle for me.

I have around 100 squishmallows and soft toys but I wish I could have more but they cost a lot of money and being disabled you don't have a lot of spare money!

The soft toys I love! They feel so good on my skin, so soft and they make me happy.

I also happy flap as I call it, my partner says he knows when I'm happy because that's what I do and I don't even realise I'm doing it because it just happens.

I was bullied so much at school I have PTSD from it... I needed help with my maths as I have dyscalculia and I struggled in making friends so I was put in a group on how to make friends.

It's complex being diagnosed as an adult with higher support needs, not realising that all these people were already doing things in the background so I don't struggle as much.

I feel like I don't fully understand myself and I wish I could hide who I am at times. I wish I wasn't so obvious or didn't shutdown so people think I'm rude. I wish my headphones weren't seen as rude or that in childish to need communication cards or fidget toys. I wish I was seen as normal but I also understand the burden masking can cause for others. My only mask is a shutdown. .

So this is my experience as a late diagnosed moderate support needs adult and I think I'll post more as it was nice to get it all out...

[angeldelights-blog]

(Tw for ableism, meltdowns, elopement, etc.)

Hi, I am currently in an argument with someone in a comment section because they are saying that autism is not a disability. So I decided that I want to make a post about it, and thoroughly talk about it.

If you do not know me, hello. I am an autistic primarily nonspeaking teenager with mid-high support needs. I'm disabled.

I am honestly very tired of low support needs autistics saying that autism isnt disabling, because it very much is for me and a lot of other people. Just because your experience isnt the same as ours, doesn't cancel out our experience.

I will never live alone. I am a teenager who can not make food, or blow dry his own hair. My ability to use oral speech varies a lot, and when I can use it, I usually end up having severe meltdowns from it. I am in special ed. It hurts when I brush my hair. I have put myself in danger by running into the street. My emotions are extremely strong, so I often seem rude when I'm not, I just can't control the fact that when I feel something it's so incredibly strong that it hurts. I have little to no internal sensation. I could not bathe myself until I was 9 or ten, and even now I will not just go and take a shower myself; I need someone to tell me to, and I need a visual schedule to help me do so. And many more things.

The person's response was to then say that is not because I am autistic, that is because of the way mankind is. That my autism is not disabling, society is. And whilst I do agree that society is horrible to disabled people, and it would be much much easier to exist as a disabled person in this world if society was different, that doesn't change the fact that my autism is disabling. Me being nonspeaking is not because of society. Me being unable to care for myself is not because of society. Most of the things on that list are not because of society!

Just because low support needs people exist, does absolutely not give them the right to speak over us, and tell us what our experiences are or are not.

My autism is disabling. Listen to me. Listen to me. My life has been severely impacted because I am disabled. You can not sit there and tell me that me being unable to care for myself, and unable to live alone ever, isn't disabling, and that it's because of society.

I am disabled. Stop speaking over high support needs autistics.

[angeldelights-blog]

Currently waiting for people to realise that yes, the autistic teens, kids, adults and elders who are always swarmed by aids, cannot speak, lash out, have limited speech, act “dumb”, run away into dangerous places (eg. Roads, pools ect.) when overwhelmed, are similar to the autistic stereotype or in general don’t act in a “civilised manner”

Have access to the internet

They are on tumblr

We are on tumblr

And we don’t appreciate being your punching bag, being excluded from conversations about accessibility, or used as a tool by high functioning autistics who want to say “oh look at me I’m not like the autistics who bite people or make weird sounds in public or need support, I’m just unique and have fun interests.”

We are real people and we are smarter then you think.

Edit: thanks to the people who pointed out that smart wasn’t the right word! So I’m going to add this: the opinions of me, a low functioning autistic who has the privilege to be able to write coherently and communicate my opinions and views in two different languages, holds the exact same weight as someone who cannot do any of those things and in fact sometimes it’s their opinion and views that matter more. The opinion of “smart” autistics matters just as much as the opinion of “non smart” autistics and people you would consider dumb. Lower functioning autistics who are not conventionally or, at all, “smart” are just as human, important and valuable and deserve to have their opinions taken into consideration just as much as I do writing this. You don’t loose your value as a human or as a disabled person when you aren’t smart.

[angeldelights-blog]

Everyone love autism until the person needs someone to remind them or help do things like bathe, change clothes, and use the bathroom.

Everyone love autism until they need to be told what to do in social interactions and still can’t do it correctly.

Everyone love autism until they can’t communicate in the way you deem appropriate. Until they need other ways to communicate because they can’t verbally do it. They love autism until they can’t communicate even if they have aac. until they have NO (no) ways to communicate because they don’t understand they can.

Everyone loves autism until they can’t sit down and stop moving. Until they grunt or moan or make random sounds. Love until moves around and not even realize that their moving.

Everyone loves the idea of autism until it’s not level one low support needs. And not fair that high support needs, medium support needs, level 3, level 2 autistics get so much hate for things can’t help. They should still be loved!

[angeldelights-blog]

autism can be an invisible disability.

but saying “autism is an invisible disability” is widely inaccurate & borderline aspie supremacist.

for many of us, our autism is highly visible and i don’t mean the “dress a little quirky a lil absent minded cover our ears when loud noises” just a lil weird kind of visible

[angeldelights-blog]

I'm not sure how this will go yet. Whether I will keep this, make it a blog or end up deleting. I'll see how it goes! 😀