angry-pcos-memon

[angry-pcos-memon]

It's not like anyone cares about my problems. I don't matter. I'm just supposed to keep my little piece of the world spinning in time with everyone else. Nobody gets it

[angry-pcos-memon]

I'm trying to get control of my life... It's not easy when everyone else around me is infantalizing me for having to live with my mom... When it's technically their fault I was put in the position I'm in anyway...

💥DV WARNING 💥

My father was a POS my whole life... Till I was 3 the most I knew about him was he was a walking whale of a man who spent two or three days a week sprawled out drunk somewhere in the living room for me to climb on and stuff his herniated belly button with PBJ crackers and cheese whiz...

2004-2008: my bedroom walls were my Disney world... Mom painted them with cartoon characters years before she had me...

2012-13: my father, Darold's beatings of my mother had gone to a point where I, a 12 year old girl, had to step in... Got my ass beat and he kicked me in the gut... Mom and I moved in with her little sister, who in turn made us essentially her slaves while Aunt K sold her prescriptions and probably her and her daughters' bods... Mom found out about it after a week and got us out immediately... Back to Dad 🤬 because nobody else wanted ME around... My aunts and cousins are kinda resentful of me... Idefk WHY... Ever since I was BORN most of my family looks at me like a fucking gremlin of inconvenience.

Apparently they have a problem with how quickly I came into the world?? My mom found out that she was pregnant only 5 weeks before she had me...

But back to 2013... That winter Mom and I ran away 200+ miles to her cousin's house (the cousin my grandma WARNED Mama to stay the fuck away from) T.O.B. we'll call her as they are her initials AND the perfect description of her (tyrannical overbearing bitch) and of course she sees me and starts buttering me up about "you're so sweet and smart and talented OMG I wish I had a little girl like you"... Her then bf was too busy trying to hook up with my mom and make it HER FAULT... Dad came and got us... He cared... But not enough to be nice to us even after we showed him how much he needed us... Because he started his shit again...

March 17, 2013: that night the cops took both my parents and sent me to the neighbor's house until morning and told me to show up at the CPS office while they figured things out... ALL my mom's sisters showed up... None of them stepped up for me... They sent me to Mom's cousin. That EVIL HAG held me hostage through the CPS system for 4 years... Baiting and brainwashing me the whole time, trying to get my parents to give up parental control... Moved us into the backwoods without telling the court... Somehow got approved to be a foster mom and used me as a Free babysitter made me drug the kids with benedryl to keep them asleep... I only got out thanks to my autistic Smurfs obsession... She demonized me for having a hyper fixation to something that made me feel SAFE in the living HELL SHE LOCKED ME IN

And EVERY LAST FUCKING PERSON WHO BETRAYED ME WAS A "CHRISTIAN" OR "CHILD OF GOD"

This is why I don't support religion

[angry-pcos-memon]

I don’t want to be a self fulfilling prophecy?? I’ve been here before it doesn’t end well in my dreams? If I were a cowboy it wouldn’t change a thing?? But at least I’d be a cowboy??? At least I’d be a cowboy?At least I’d be a cowboy??? Yipikayayyeehaw, one of those days hehaw?????

[angry-pcos-memon]

what annoys me about explaining evolution to people who don’t think it’s real is that everyone’s idea of how it works seems to be from this

Whereas the reality is far more like

[angry-pcos-memon]

Hey. I seriously need to get this off my chest.

I’m so tired. Like, not just tired-tired. Soul tired. I’ve been holding everything up around here while my mom’s been in and out of the hospital — nearly died, had to be cut open, had a wound vac, kidney problems, blood infection, the whole damn horror show. And who’s been doing everything? Me.

I get maybe 24–30 hours of work a week at barely above minimum wage. I get paid biweekly and still cover $160 for phones (hers, mine, our hotspot, everything), and every damn grocery trip falls on me. I’ve been spending $180–$345 every two weeks just on food, toilet paper, Tylenol, whatever-the-hell-we-need to survive. And he — my mom’s boyfriend — just… exists. Like a roach that thinks it's royalty.

He sits on the couch like some retired god of laziness, watching COPS and the same five episodes of Texas Metal like it’s sacred scripture. Never lifts a finger unless it’s to point blame or pour another drink. Meanwhile, I’m taking care of chickens he gave me — 10 hens and a rooster — and selling eggs for $4 a dozen. And guess who gets to keep none of the money? Yep. He calls it the “feed fund” while I’m the one who’s actually bought feed out of my own pocket.

Oh, and when my mom was actively dying in the hospital, I was there twice a day, brushing her hair, cleaning her feet, being present. What did he do? Timed my visits from the parking lot while sitting with the dogs, then strutted in for five minutes like he deserved applause for breathing next to her. Because “he doesn’t like hospitals.” Cool. I don’t like being 25 and having to be a nurse, housekeeper, grocery delivery service, emotional support human, AND tech support for a 75-year-old man who permanently locked himself out of his iPhone and blames the Wi-Fi.

He literally screamed at me because I couldn’t read his mind and magically know the six-digit code he forgot while drunk and stoned. Then got mad that my Xbox was connected to the TV even though I saved him over $1,200 a year by showing him how to watch Tubi for free. He can't figure out how to use a controller but refuses to let me help. Screams because it’s not a “normal remote.”

Meanwhile, this genius criticizes my mom for brushing her tongue — says he’s “never done that in his life.” No shit, Sherlock. The sink looks like a science experiment every morning. He still doesn’t know how to brush his teeth without spit-painting the bathroom. Don’t even get me started on the moldy foil he hoards behind the microwave like it’s precious treasure and pulls a whole-ass GUN when you try to throw it away.

AND — cherry on top — today he made my recovering mom drive me to work because he was “tired.” Tired of WHAT, exactly? You don’t cook, you don’t clean, and you sure as hell don’t care that the woman you claim to love nearly DIED.

He even told her “it’s been a month, you should be over this by now.” Meanwhile, when he stubs his toe he acts like he’s survived a war zone. Wants to pop her pain meds and moan about “his pain” while she’s literally holding her insides in with gauze and a wound pump.

I’m just… done. Burnt out. Furious. I’ve spent weeks bottling this and I’m starting to shake from the pressure. I'm tired of being the one who fixes everything and gets treated like I’m overreacting for finally saying anything.

Anyway, I know that was long. I just had to say it somewhere.

[angry-pcos-memon]

You know how a single person can be arrested for "disturbing the peace"?

WHAT FUCKING PEACE??

I WANT TO ARREST THE ENTIRE FUCKING GOVERNMENT FOR DENYING THE PEACE

[angry-pcos-memon]

Hey. I seriously need to get this off my chest.

I’m so tired. Like, not just tired-tired. Soul tired. I’ve been holding everything up around here while my mom’s been in and out of the hospital — nearly died, had to be cut open, had a wound vac, kidney problems, blood infection, the whole damn horror show. And who’s been doing everything? Me.

I get maybe 24–30 hours of work a week at barely above minimum wage. I get paid biweekly and still cover $160 for phones (hers, mine, our hotspot, everything), and every damn grocery trip falls on me. I’ve been spending $180–$345 every two weeks just on food, toilet paper, Tylenol, whatever-the-hell-we-need to survive. And he — my mom’s boyfriend — just… exists. Like a roach that thinks it's royalty.

He sits on the couch like some retired god of laziness, watching COPS and the same five episodes of Texas Metal like it’s sacred scripture. Never lifts a finger unless it’s to point blame or pour another drink. Meanwhile, I’m taking care of chickens he gave me — 10 hens and a rooster — and selling eggs for $4 a dozen. And guess who gets to keep none of the money? Yep. He calls it the “feed fund” while I’m the one who’s actually bought feed out of my own pocket.

Oh, and when my mom was actively dying in the hospital, I was there twice a day, brushing her hair, cleaning her feet, being present. What did he do? Timed my visits from the parking lot while sitting with the dogs, then strutted in for five minutes like he deserved applause for breathing next to her. Because “he doesn’t like hospitals.” Cool. I don’t like being 25 and having to be a nurse, housekeeper, grocery delivery service, emotional support human, AND tech support for a 75-year-old man who permanently locked himself out of his iPhone and blames the Wi-Fi.

He literally screamed at me because I couldn’t read his mind and magically know the six-digit code he forgot while drunk and stoned. Then got mad that my Xbox was connected to the TV even though I saved him over $1,200 a year by showing him how to watch Tubi for free. He can't figure out how to use a controller but refuses to let me help. Screams because it’s not a “normal remote.”

Meanwhile, this genius criticizes my mom for brushing her tongue — says he’s “never done that in his life.” No shit, Sherlock. The sink looks like a science experiment every morning. He still doesn’t know how to brush his teeth without spit-painting the bathroom. Don’t even get me started on the moldy foil he hoards behind the microwave like it’s precious treasure and pulls a whole-ass GUN when you try to throw it away.

AND — cherry on top — today he made my recovering mom drive me to work because he was “tired.” Tired of WHAT, exactly? You don’t cook, you don’t clean, and you sure as hell don’t care that the woman you claim to love nearly DIED.

He even told her “it’s been a month, you should be over this by now.” Meanwhile, when he stubs his toe he acts like he’s survived a war zone. Wants to pop her pain meds and moan about “his pain” while she’s literally holding her insides in with gauze and a wound pump.

I’m just… done. Burnt out. Furious. I’ve spent weeks bottling this and I’m starting to shake from the pressure. I'm tired of being the one who fixes everything and gets treated like I’m overreacting for finally saying anything.

Anyway, I know that was long. I just had to say it somewhere.

[angry-pcos-memon]

[angry-pcos-memon]

You know how a single person can be arrested for "disturbing the peace"?

WHAT FUCKING PEACE??

I WANT TO ARREST THE ENTIRE FUCKING GOVERNMENT FOR DENYING THE PEACE

[angry-pcos-memon]

And I'm fed up with making sandwiches

There are only two jobs left in the world and it's making sandwiches or killing people

[angry-pcos-memon]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

[angry-pcos-memon]

[angry-pcos-memon]

I need my own fucking car.

I shouldn't have to answer ANYBODY "what took you so long what took you so long WHAT FUCKING TOOK YOU SO LONG?" If I need to go to the fucking store and get something... YES I AM going to walk through the store and look at things I can't afford. It's the only place I'll get the chance to fucking see it! NO I DON'T FUCKING CARE about you and your impatient ass anymore! I've been living under everyone else's stupid fucking rules my whole damn life, never had privacy despite being an only child the majority of my fucking life (only siblings I have are fellow contraband stolen from their families and held in the abusive house of my mother's psychotic cousin for ransom by my state's child protection services). WHY AM I STILL EXPECTED TO ANSWER TO ASSHOLES

[angry-pcos-memon]

Fuck

I'm tired

I'm lonely

I feel like I have nobody on MY SIDE

Mom's been in the hospital for 5 days (5.21 - today (5.26) still have a long way to go)

She's been crying about back and stomach pain for weeks... Refusing the idea of a hospital trip. Wednesday night rolls around and I'm up at 3:45am for the umpteenth night in a row, helping however I can and just generally keeping her company. She's had tummy problems for as long as I can remember (imagine your alarm clock is the sound of your mother dry heaving every morning for 20-25 years... Yeah you got it)

Mom's... Boyfriend, if you want to call "kisses like a baby asking to be burped, and screams about anything that has nothing to do with him" a boyfriend, has taken me to see her in the mornings... But insists on bringing his dogs along to sit in the car... IS THAT FAIR TO THE DOGS?!? No!

And he TIMES MY VISITS with her... IT'S MY MOM, IS THAT FAIR TO ME?? FUCK NO!!

He doesn't even have the courage to stay in the room with her for more than two minutes... But COMPLAINS because I spent an hour inside with MY MOTHER

SUPPORTING HER IN HER TIME OF NEED

The man finally found the balls to go grocery shop on his own and complained to me about the prices... YEAH DAVE I'VE BEEN PAYING THOSE PRICES FOR 4 ½ YEARS!! my whole paycheck usually goes to grocery shopping and he typically barely throws a twenty mom's way when we go to the store...

He doesn't have any balls to speak of when it comes to health and hospital etiquette. My mom is my top priority whether the rest of the family gives a fuck or not

[angry-pcos-memon]

Can we stop using "still lives with their parents" or "unemployed" or "doesn't have a drivers license" or "didn't graduate high school" as an insult or evidence that someone is a bad person? Struggling with independence or meeting milestones is not a moral failing.

[angry-pcos-memon]

My head hurts so much... I'm standing in the freezer at Jimmy John's with ice under my hat and it's the least pressure in my skull I've felt since the elections

[angry-pcos-memon]

She said she saw her dad this morning... Papa's been dead for 13 years

I'm so dizzy with stress my head hurts... I can't get control of my lungs and my stomach is doing spirals and I don't know whether to scream or hurl.... My mom has been through too much to lose to kidney infection... She's survived the most evil of abusers... She's bounced back from carbon monoxide poisoning while fighting to get me back from her psycho cousin... She's the one who never gave up on me. I can't let her down