animagus329

[animagus329]

I got to play in the snow today!!! 😁#babyitscoldoutside #arkansas #SnowStorm2021 #doyouwannabuildasnowman #itdidnthavetobeasnowman #snowlady #shesedwardian https://www.instagram.com/p/CLc7SwsrmZ_/?igshid=dt90c7vajoen

[animagus329]

Once upon a time, things happened. Right? That’s what triggers everything. Things that have happened. When my dad was alive, I was so angry and tired. I was tired of him getting frustrated. Tired of him not remembering. I used any excuse not to stay home, because if I was home, then I’d have to hear the same jokes over and over. I’d have to clean up after someone who couldn’t take care of himself. I was just tired.

This guy had become so philosophical in his last years of life that it made me so mad. And then you couldn’t say “you made me mad” around him. He’d say you chose those feelings. So, yeah I’d allow myself to get upset at everything. He’d answer a question with a question making sure that’s what I wanted. Socrates lived a long time ago, so we didn’t need one in this house. And he wouldn’t ever say “I love you.” He would say “you love me.” Like I had to confirm it. Like he needed confirmation that I actually loved him. But, I did. And I told him once or twice. But not enough. Never enough.

See, when he was in his right mind, he was great! He had a smile that lit up his face and belly that jiggled. He would laugh at the smallest things, and actually cry when things were sad. He was this big guy that everyone loved.

We would go to the store and shop and it would take us hours to leave. In his last years, he would ride the cart because his knees were bad. We would be walking along and looking at things. And then he’d zoom off just like that. We’d loose him. And then two hours later, we’d find him in an aisle talking to this random person we’d never met. The person was never a stranger. I’d don’t think he even knew what that meant.

See, before he started leaving us, we’d do everything together. We’d watch movies and tv together. He liked to say the line before they were said, and then laugh after the person said them. We’d listen to music together. He was would sing as loud as he could to his favorite songs and then replay them over and over. He taught me everything I needed to know. I know how to change a tire and spark plugs and oil. I can sew and cook. I can use a hammer and a saw and a drill. Now I’ll never forget to say I love you.

My mom is a nurse, so she’d have to work on the holidays so we would celebrate early. On Thanksgiving day, if my mom was at work, we’d have leftover traditional food and watch NCIS. Then before bed, we’d watch Charlie Brown. On Christmas we’d, once again, celebrate early if my mom had to work. So, on the actual day, We would go out to the rich neighborhoods and look at their lights. We were always too lazy to put up our own. Then when we got home we would watch Charlie Brown and eat junk food. Mainly ice cream. My mom always worked New Years. It was tradition for my dad to sleep when the ball dropped. So, at midnight, I’d text my mom, and then sneak in and kiss my daddy on the cheek.

At my dad’s funeral, all I could think was how could I miss someone who was slowly loosing their mind? How could I want that back? Now, 3 Birthdays, 3 Father’s Days, 3 Thanksgivings, 3 Christmas’, 3 New Years, and 2 years have passed since my dad died. He wouldn’t have survived this pandemic. He wouldn’t have been able to sit still that long. He would have left the house and refused to wear a mask. Then he would have gotten COVID and died. He wouldn’t have lasted. I know why he died when he did. I get it.

It took this amount of time to realize that I miss him. I miss how he was. I want him back. Everything he was. So, this is what I say. This thing that happened. The thing I was tired of. The person that died. The person that Alzheimer’s made him become. It wasn’t him. At the end, that’s all I could think of. But, now I miss that big guy. So, call your dad before it’s too late. Make sure he knows you love him. If he doesn’t remember you, or if he’s not the same person, remember who he was. Make sure he knows that he’s loved. Happy Birthday in heaven Daddy. I love you. Or rather, you love me too. Because you know, I do.

[animagus329]

I feel like this is like one of those elementary class pics. 😂

[animagus329]

When the puppy is just so cute, you can’t stand it! 😂

[animagus329]

When you forget that the skulls on your Nightmare Before Christmas pajama pants glow in the dark. They startle me every time when I go outside in the dark to let the dogs out... 😂🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

[animagus329]

It never fails... every single time I watch Coco, the ending makes me cry. 😅🙄😢😭

[animagus329]

Dear neighbors,

Sorry for singing, dancing, and acting crazy outside. It most definitely will happen again. I’m just sorry you have to endure it.

Sincerely,

Your crazy neighbor 🤣

[animagus329]

She’s getting so big!! 😭 #puppylove #Chihuahuas #lookatthiskid

[animagus329]

So I’m driving back to my house tonight (I’m home now) and I turn on the radio station 98.5. But there’s another radio station coming in as well. So, not only am I listening to “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten, but I’m also listening to “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson. Those songs should not be mixed... “Who tells me I am the one!! Take back my life song! The kid is not my son... prove animal rights soooong! She says I am the one! Cause I still got a lot of fight left in me! The kid is not my son!” Let’s just say, it was an interesting ride home.

[animagus329]

Happy 13th Birthday to my old lady puppy!!! She’s officially a teenager!! 🥳🎂🎁🎉🎈

[animagus329]

Try to get a good pic and here’s what happens 🙄😂🤦🏼‍♀️ #nutcases #allofthem

[animagus329]

Have you ever seen an old lady dog quite so cute?? #13yearsandcounting #shesmine #youcanthaveher #shesnores #justsaying

[animagus329]

‪So Melissa looks like an old man when she sleeps 😂❤️ #puppylove #shesmine #youcanthaveher ‬

[animagus329]

‪Suzy said “its too cold to wait on a Melissa butt to finally come in the house!” 😂 #theweatheroutsideisfrightful #crazypuppies‬

[animagus329]

These kids... what am I going to do with them?? 😂

[animagus329]

Look at this kid.. 🙄 #shesanutcase #butshesmynutcase #sillypuppy #trixareforkids

[animagus329]

Because she’s cute! That’s why!!! 🥰😁#shesmynutcase #youcanthaveher