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How many more tears must I shed in the name of strength?

How many more years of silence shall I bear in the name of solitude?

How many more paces must I run in the name of your peace?

How many more faithful nights must I spend bentin pray in the name of your forgiveness?

Why is it that the lucky ones need not be given the titles I have nailed to my chest.

Why are there lucky ones...

I have dreampt too many sleepless night for the acts of angels.

I am called angel and yet I do not feel saved.

I have been sewn into wings, and so for others I will give shelter.

One with a leaky roof, and drafty doors, but warm in winter, and safe from the sun.

Don't give me a title of victory for my agony, work to make the healing more of ease.

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And what is this sorrow

That gnaws at my soul

Aching away

From its hole within my chest.

Is it a yearning for what could be?

Or the mourning for what I cannot have?

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just got my d20 calendar and this spread of trackers moon haven?????? i will cry. @sydsketch your art means the world to me (i apologize my phone camera doesn’t do it justice)

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Hold me in your arms,

Keep me safe as my world dissolves.

~

The world is darker now,

Than it was the day before,

And I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

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Another List of "Beautiful" Words

to include in your next poem

Avidulous - somewhat greedy.

Breviloquent - marked by brevity of speech.

Compotation - a drinking or tippling together.

Crimpy - of weather; unpleasant; raw and cold.

Desiderium - an ardent desire or longing; especially, a feeling of loss or grief for something lost.

Dyspathy - lack of sympathy.

Ebriosity - habitual intoxication.

Epitasis - the part of a play developing the main action and leading to the catastrophe.

Fantod - a state of irritability and tension.

Graumangere - a great meal.

Grimoire - a magician's manual for invoking demons and the spirits of the dead.

Hiemal - of or relating to winter.

Illaudable - deserving no praise.

Impluvious - wet with rain.

Innominate - having no name; unnamed; also, “anonymous”.

Juberous - doubtful and hesitating.

Noctilucous - shining at night.

Poetaster - an inferior poet.

Psychrophilic - thriving at a relatively low temperature.

Quiddity - the essential nature or ultimate form of something: what makes something to be the type of thing that it is.

Repullulate - to bud or sprout again.

Retrogradation - a backward movement.

Semiustulate - half burnt or consumed by fire.

Tenebrific - causing gloom or darkness.

Unparadiz’d - brought from joy to miserie.

If any of these words make it into your next poem/story, please tag me. Or leave a link in the replies. I'd love to read them!

More: Lists of Beautiful Words

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words to use instead of ______

"Very"

Mild: clearly, decidedly, distinctly, markedly, considerably, notably, largely, recognizably, especially, indubitably Moderate: especially, surprisingly, substantially, uncommonly, chiefly, incredibly, obviously, unmistakably, considerably, awfully, wonderfully, particularly Bold: profusely, unequivocally, strikingly, astonishingly, exceedingly, absolutely, exceptionally, extremely, unquestionably, vastly, incontestably

"A Lot" (time)

Mild: often, oftentimes, sometime Moderate: frequently, usually, various, generally Bold: regularly, recurrent, persistent

"A Lot" (size)

Mild: many, much, several Moderate: numerous, bountiful, considerable Bold: multitude, profuse, vast

"Big"

Mild: sizable, ample, large, considerable, great, above average, important Moderate: ponderous, significant, crucial, vast, copious, magnificent, substantial Bold: enormous, immense, colossal, extensive, endless, paramount, boundless, prodigious, imposing, gigantic, voluminous, limitless, essential

"Small"

Mild: slight, limited, trivial, minor, light, puny, superficial, undersized, dinky, negligible, faint Moderate: scant, petite, inconsiderable, microscopic, dwarf, unsubstantial, minimum, miniature, tiny Bold: insignificant, minute, meager, infinitesimal, ineffectual, undetectable, inconsequential

"Good"

Mild: acceptable, favorable, agreeable, pleasing, satisfactory, satisfying, super, able, relevant, accomplished, efficient, reliable, ample, useful, profitable, adequate, adept Moderate: great, honorable, admirable, commendable, sound, splendid, superb, valuable, wonderful, worthy, clever, proficient, qualified, apt, skillful, thorough, wholesome Bold: excellent, exceptional, gratifying, marvelous, reputable, stupendous, superior, exemplary, virtuous, expert, solid, advantageous, flawless, extensive, perfect

"Bad"

Mild: cheap, dissatisfactory, faculty, off, mean, wrong, unpleasant, unwell, low, grim, sour, regretful Moderate: careless, defective, inferior, imperfect, deficient, rough, ill-suited, inadequate, unsatisfactory, delinquent, sinful, unruly, wicked, rancid, grave, harsh, terrible, downcast Bold: awful, unacceptable, corrupt, dreadful, putrid, erroneous, detrimental, ruinous, vile, villainous, diseased, adverse, evil

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MANIFEST

MANIFEST

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this whole ouroboros thing keeps coming back to bite me in the ass

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The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

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Just saw that one of the tags is 'angst with a happy ending' and oh my god please tell me that is true because I don't think I can handle it if it's not

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oh god HE WAS HELPING HER?? He was her TRAINER??? I'M ASSUMING HE'S ALWAYS LOVED HER?????? oh god oh god oh my fucking god there's no way I'm coming out of this unscathed is there

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izzy will not let the GMs forget that they fully chose to do this to themselves

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Decided on a whim to read Manacled and I'm at Chapter 28 with the third flashback where he tosses her the ring and I think this fic might actually kill me by the end

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I've been astonished by how much people seem to love my weird and experimental project held together by duct tape and string, especially since so much of it flies in the face of the way I've been taught publishing is supposed to work. The conventional way authors survive online is to release books for sale as frequently as possible - whereas I've been focusing on giving each project as much time as I can, and releasing them slowly (so far I've done a Dracula-inspired novel.) I’ve been making the sort of transgressive queer writing that mainstream publishing is too nervous to touch right now, and I've been giving it away in my newsletter for free.

I want to keep telling stories for free, forever. Only there's one problem: I'm going to need A Lot more subscribers to my newsletter. I have just under 5000 readers right now - I’m going to need at least double that.

Conventional wisdom also says that Tumblr is a dead end, but I'm convinced that this is one of the last places on the internet that capable of fostering real, counter-cultural queer expression - precisely because we are so often left out and forgotten by the mainstream. Half the reason I'm on this website is because of the culture of absolute resistance to advertising. Unfortunately, that also makes my job here rather hard. If things continue to go well, between Patreon, sales of special editions, and a couple small ads, I think I can just about get away with doing this. But I need your help.

If you're someone who's hungry for good stories and:

❧ You're sick of being sold superficial, safe, and sanitized queer stories that shy away from genuine expressions of socially unacceptable desire

❧ You see sexual freedom as inseparable from queer liberation, and you want to see that explored in metaphor via a vampire seducing a priest

❧ You want to read modern queer fiction that's aware of the deep and rich history of queer culture

❧ You want to help foster a project that would create new avenues for underground and transgressive forms of queer expression

Then you should subscribe to What Manner of Man! It's sexy and boundary-pushing and kinky, with fire in its veins.

If this works, I'll be able to take on bigger and more ambitious projects than I ever have before (it's mad scientists next, and I have some pretty mad ideas!)

Thank you for your time! Reblogs deeply appreciated.

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double tank team issues 😔

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murph, who is not dead, he's just in the sky, looking down on us