anotherfiveyears

[anotherfiveyears]

Epilogue: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

*September 2010*

"Annie?" he yelled into the quiet house, "Babe, where are you?"

He walked down the hallway that led from the garage to the kitchen, something he had done a thousand times before but always, always looked at the gallery of photos Anna had hung there. It started next to the laundry room with a photo of her dad's record shop, now two and a half thousand miles away in Virginia and would end on the other side of the refrigerator with a photo she had taken within the last month or so. The most current photo was of the two of them at a wedding in Hawaii, him in his suit and her in her gown, smiling happily next to the bride and groom.

"I love Katie, but why would she ask for black tie at a beach wedding?" Anna complained and poured a pile of sand out of her stiletto heel.  

Dave watched her fuss with her dress and shoes before giving up entirely and plopping down on the beach to finish her champagne. "Do you remember the first time we came here?" he asked, sitting close to her in the sand.

She laughed and looked at her wrist as if she were checking the time, though the only thing she wore was the bracelet he had given her for Christmas years ago. "You're early, kitten. We don't go home for another five days."

"So?"

"So... you always ask me the night before we go home! Like clockwork."

"Maybe I'm mixing it up this time."

"Oh, you are? You're not going to sit with me in the sand as we watch the sunset, ply me with expensive wine after a romantic night out, remind me of the first time we came here and then slip in the little insignificant fact that I still haven't married you?"

"Nope."

"You're not going to hold my hand and ask me to spend the rest of my life annoying the hell out of you?"

"Not this time," he grinned at her, watching as she pushed her champagne flute into the sand to keep it upright, then crawled up onto her knees.

"You're telling me you aren't going to kneel in front of me like this," she laughed a little when he held her steady as she struggled to pull one knee up in her long blue dress, "and say, 'All I'm asking is forever. Darling, will you marry me?'"

"Yes."

"You mean you aren't-," she stopped short when his answer finally registered in her brain and let her jaw drop. "What?"

"Yes, Annie. Of course I'll marry you. I thought you'd never ask."

He spun the ring on his finger, lost in the memory when a little voice jolted him back to the present.

"Daddy?"

He rounded the corner to the kitchen and found his daughters at the kitchen table halfway through their lunches. "Hey doodles, where's your mommy?"

"Upstairs," his eldest said through a mouthful of grilled cheese sandwich. Her long dark hair was a mess of tangles and her skateboard was leaning against the wall behind her. "She's sick."

Dave frowned at that and snatched a grape from her plate. "How sick?" She had been fine that morning, but he had been so busy cleaning out the garage that he hadn't seen her in hours.

"Mama?" his youngest daughter held up her hands from her high chair, completely covered in macaroni and cheese.

"Yeah, kitty cat," he fixed the cat ear headband in her hair, then lifted her out of her chair. "Let's go find Mama."

"Anna?" he called again when he found the double doors to their bedroom shut tight. A little tingle of worry snaked up his spine, knowing Anna would never leave the girls to eat alone and then lock herself in their bedroom unless something was seriously wrong. He set his daughter down in her playroom in front of her favorite Disney movie and slipped quietly into the master bedroom.

Despite the sunny LA afternoon, the blackout curtains were drawn and the room was dark except for the light coming from the bathroom where he found her laying on the tiled floor, still in her white cotton nightgown with a wet towel over her eyes. "Annie?"

She weakly lifted her hand in a wave but didn't offer much else in greeting.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he crouched next to her and felt her forehead, a little relieved when she didn't feel hot.

"Sick," was all she managed through concentrated breaths.

"You can't die on me now. Taylor's almost here and he needs your input on the kit acoustics."

"Yeah," she sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'll be down in a minute. Are the girls okay?"

"They're fine," he assured her. Dragging his eyes down her body, he spied the red welt on her ankle from a bug bite gained in Hawaii that refused to go away and moved to examine it closer. It had swollen up enough to keep her from the beach one day, though she had ignored Dave's request to take her to the doctor. "I still think you need to get this looked at," he muttered.

"Yeah," she replied, finally swiping the towel from her eyes and sitting up a little. "I'll go in about six more weeks."

He frowned at her answer, then did the quick math in his head. "You're kidding me."

"Honestly, David," she whined, laying back on the rug. "Does it look like I'm fucking around right now?"

"We didn't- ... the girls were with us the whole time!"

Anna shook her head, then immediately groaned at the sensation and covered her mouth. "At the wedding, dude. On the beach."

A slow smile spread across his face when he remembered them sneaking away from the wedding reception together, completely drunk on champagne and now officially engaged, then finding an abandoned resort cabana. He leaned over her, unable to hide his grin. "Three down, five to go."

[anotherfiveyears]

31: All My Love

*March 2002, Arlington, Virginia*

Dave hung up the phone and sauntered into the studio, ignoring everyone as he plugged his guitar into the amp and fiddled with the pedals at his feet, just waiting for Taylor to do or say something. He had been baiting him for almost a week at rehearsals, knowing that Taylor was beyond annoyed with him for delaying the album so many times.

They were finally back in Virginia, which was another source of contention with Taylor. He had wanted to leave LA months ago and start session work, but Dave refused to go until Anna was ready. He had kept Anna and Taylor away from each other, fearing Taylor would reveal that she was the reason the album was stalling and he just knew that would make Anna go home too soon. It wasn't until she mentioned missing her parents that he knew she could handle going back, but even then he wanted her to take things slowly.

Taylor didn't understand why Dave was so eager to put Anna's needs above the band's when they weren't even a couple, but Dave didn't consider that his problem. Besides, when he wasn't with Anna, he was out in the desert with Josh working on the new Queens album and loving every second of it. He had forgotten how much he loved being a drummer and Anna had found a certain kind of therapy in surfing, so there was no hurry on either of their parts to race back to Virginia just because Taylor was getting antsy.  Winter had come and gone, now Spring was winding down and they were only just beginning to hash out some potential singles for the record.

Chris shifted awkwardly on his feet, his eyes darting from Taylor to Dave to Nate and then back to Taylor again before he finally took a deep breath. "Hey, I can cut the tension in here with a fucking knife. What the fuck is going on?"

Dave kept his eyes down at his pedals, but widely smirked at Chris's remark. "I think Taylor used baking soda to cut..."

"What the fuck did you say?" Taylor hopped off the stool and kicked it backward, sending it crashing to the concrete floor with a deafening clatter.

"I said-" Dave spun around to confront him, only to watch Nate and Chris drop their guitars and head for the door.

"What is your fucking problem?" Taylor screamed in his face. "We finally get a chance to rehearse and you act like a fucking dick!"

"I'm a dick? You're the one breathing down my neck all the fucking time! I can't even get through a fucking phone call without you pounding on the fucking window!"

"That was Josh on the phone, wasn't it?" Taylor spat and Dave almost laughed at how much he sounded like a jealous girlfriend. "You spend all your time with them and every other second is spent with Anna while-"

"Don't you fucking dare, Hawkins," he warned with as much venom as he could muster. "She just went through-"

"And I didn't? Did you not just sit in some dingy fucking hospital room with me for weeks on end? Do you not realize that this is what's going to keep me out of the shit, Dave?" Taylor stepped back and waved his arm towards the instruments laid randomly around the room. "All I want to do is work, man. I want something steady in my life that I can look forward to so I don't have the urge to go back."

It was only then that Dave felt like maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he had put Taylor further back on the priority list than he deserved to be. "We can finish these sessions, but I'm already committed to Queens," he said honestly. There was no getting out of drumming on the album or the tour now.

Taylor nodded, his eyes never leaving Dave's. "No, man. That's cool. Once we finish the gigs, I'm out. I need something dependable."

Dave felt his heart sink and his blood boil all at the same time. Fucking drummers. "Great."

"Yep."

*

Dave stormed through the front door, slamming it behind him so hard that the pictures on the wall rattled loudly. Scooter's paws eagerly tapping on the hardwood floors greeted him, but when he came around the corner he took one look at Dave and slid to a stop, clumsily turning around so he could retreat back to Anna. Even the dog couldn't stand to be around him now.

Hurling his keys on to the kitchen counter, he began to search through the cabinets."Anna! Where's the fucking whiskey?"

The silence that greeted him sent him into a fury, slamming one cabinet door so hard that it splintered the wood away from its hinges

"David."

Her calm voice did nothing to sedate him."What?!" he yelled, only then feeling bad for taking everything out on her and looked over his shoulder to see her patiently holding the bottle he was looking for. They held each other's stare for a moment before she retrieved a glass from the cabinet beside her and poured him a drink, sliding across the countertop and into his hand. She waited until he had downed it, then pulled out the barstools for them to sit on along with another glass for herself. They sat together in silence, drinking half the bottle between them before he was ready to speak.

"Taylor quit."

The color drained from Anna's face and she took a long sip. "Why?"

Dave just shook his head, too scared to tell her the truth. If she knew Taylor was pissed about all the time he spent with her, she would leave again.

"Why, David?" she repeated.

"He's jealous! He's pissed that I'm working with Josh and not spending all my time with him and the band and the record and... He's just way out of fucking line."

"Is he?"

"What?" he set his empty glass in front of him and looked at her in surprise.

"You're asking a lot of them, David. Of Taylor and Chris and Nate. You wander off to party with Josh and company and now you're asking them to sit on their hands for who knows how long until you're done earning money for another group? How fair is that?"

"They knew that when they signed up for this gig," he spat at her. "They fucking knew I was in demand as a drummer."

"Good," she said sweetly and stood up from her seat. "Then you'll have no problems drumming in your own band now, cause you're sure as hell not going to find someone like Taylor before Coachella."

*April 2002, Indio, California*

"Would you just go talk to him?" Anna shoved him a little on the shoulder when he spotted Taylor's blonde hair in the crowd just outside the RV they had rented for the weekend.

"I don't wanna," he said petulantly, making Anna roll her eyes.

"Fine," she stepped around him and wrenched open the window. "Hey, Hawkins!" she screamed, waving when he spun around at the sound of her voice. "Get in here!"

"Goddamnit, Anna," Dave groaned and retreated back to the bedroom to try and think of what he could possibly say to fix this.

"Anna Banana!" Taylor yelled and bounced up the steps into the RV, throwing his arms around her in a tight hug. "I never see you anymore! Dave keeps you locked away like some..." He trailed off when Dave stepped out of the bedroom and let Anna go.

She stood between them, carefully gauging the tension before deciding they probably wouldn't exchange blows if she left. "Well, I'm gonna go catch The Vines. You two have fun!"

"How's she doing?" Taylor asked once she was gone and flopped down into a bench seat.

Dave slid into the booth across from him and leaned onto his elbows. "She's okay. She has her moments, but she's back to being Anna again."

"She's not wearing her ring... You guys make it official yet?"

"Nope," Dave sighed. "Still roomies."

"Aw, she'll get there, man," Taylor offered. "Just give her a little more time."

Dave nodded and began to fidget, scratching at a stain on the Formica table between them.

"So, how's Josh?" Taylor suddenly asked, making Dave groan.

"Come on, T. Let's not do this."

"I'm just asking as a friend, man! I miss that... us... being friends."

Dave's stare went from the table top to Taylor's face, thinking the conversation might be easier than he expected. "Yeah, me too," he started, then spoke quickly before he lost the nerve. "Look, T... I'm sorry. About the album and putting you guys off and all that shit I said in the studio... I was an asshole."

Taylor sat silently, then raised his eyebrows and waved his hand to get him to continue.

"... and I don't want you to quit. I really don't, but I have to finish this shit with Queens."

"Fuck, dude," Taylor whined and put his head in his hands.

"Dude, just... it would mean a lot to me if you'd watch the set tonight. We'll have a good time tonight, play the gig tomorrow and we can just... be done."

Taylor sighed deeply and threw his head back into the wood veneer wall behind him. "Yeah, okay," he said quietly.

*

That night, Dave channeled every ounce of anger and frustration he had accumulated in the past few months and threw it into the kit, earning a surprised glance from Josh during the opener and then an excited smile when the desert crowd exploded in front of them. The entire set was flawless and fun, and he was just beginning to think it wouldn't be so hard to break up the Foo Fighters when he saw Anna and Taylor at stage left, both of them grinning and nodding along to the music. The anger suddenly dissipated and he began to play because he loved it, not because he had something to prove.

During the party backstage, he felt the familiar buzz of the music industry discovering fresh meat and managed to corner Josh long enough to break the news that he wouldn't return for a second album.

"Is it Taylor? He's fucking pissed, isn't he," Josh asked and took a drag of his cigarette.

"Yeah," Dave sighed and ran his hand through his sweat soaked hair. "He's struggling."

"Don't worry about it, man," Josh shrugged and Dave thought maybe he was being sarcastic. It just couldn't be that easy.

"What?"

"Man, you did me a fucking favor by playing even one song on my record. If you gotta go, you go. We can get a session guy in for the rest of the tour."

Dave stared at him for a long moment, stunned at how chill he was about the entire thing, then almost tackled him to the dirt in a hug.

"You gotta promise me we'll doing something in the future, though," Josh said through his laugh. "Maybe we can score a Beatle or one of the guys from Queen."

"Yeah, I'd love that," Dave nodded and let him go. "But let's get one of the guys from Zeppelin."

They both laughed at how impossible that sounded and wandered back into the party.

*

When he and Anna finally made it back to the RV, he groaned and began to throw back the cushions around the table so he could turn it into the bed he had slept in the night before, but Anna pulled him upright.

"No," she said firmly and spun him around by the shoulders to shove him down the narrow hallway towards the bedroom. "You had a hell of a night and have an even bigger day tomorrow. You take the bed."

He fell forward onto the mattress, his voice muffled by the blankets, "I have to take a shower first."

"Do those six bottles of water you dumped over yourself during the set not count?" she laughed and began to pull off his shoes. "Taylor kept singing the Flashdance song."

Once his shoes were off, he rolled onto his back. "Did he say anything else? Did he like the set?"

She shot him a questioning look and pulled a towel out of a cabinet to throw at him. "He told you he loved it, David."

"Yeah, but that was to my face. I want to know what he really thinks."

"I think he honestly loved it. He knew the songs, sang a little and even air drummed along with you," she giggled a little at the memory. "He's got a great voice! Do you need help with your shirt?"

Dave smiled up at her, thrilled that Taylor had like the set. "Yeah, my arms are useless right now."

"'Kay, sit up," she straddled his knees and grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head and then huffed when he got tangled in the sleeves. "You gotta work with me, David!"

"I'm trying!" he whined, then laughed when she swore in frustration.

Once he was free of the fabric, she tossed it aside and sat back on his knees to glare at him, but when his hands went to her hips the mood shifted from light to something very different. The music from the main stage drifted through the open window and Anna smiled down at him when she recognized Siouxsie and the Banshee.

"Just like old times, huh," she said softly and rested her hands on his shoulders.

He stared at her, wondering if he would have made it through the stress and anxiety of the weekend without her. "I'm really happy you're here, Annie."

"Me too," she whispered and leaned into him, kissing him softly at first before pulling away.

"Anna...," he started, searching her face for any clue as to what she was feeling but she only looked worried.

"Can we do this?" she asked, then shook her head a little realizing it was a stupid question. "I mean, do you still want... me?" The last word came out as a shy squeak and she looked down to hide her red cheeks.

He ducked as much as he could to see her face and squeezed his hands over her hips. "I never stopped wanting this, Annie. Not for a moment."

Her eyes snapped back to his and filled with tears, though he had seen enough of her tears in the past six months to know these were different. These weren't tears of anguish and anger, they were tears of relief. She pulled him to her and kissed him again, leaning into him until he was laying back on the mattress. He slid his hands from her hips underneath her loose t-shirt to unclip her bra, but couldn't find the clip... or a bra for that matter. He whined against her lips, in actual physical pain from wanting her so badly and she took mercy by quickly unbuckling his belt and slipping her hand down the front of his camo cargo shorts.

"Fuck, Anna," he moaned when her fingers brushed against him but they both froze when they heard the RV door swing open.

"Dave? It's Taylor!"

In one swift move, he sat up while Anna rolled off of him and onto the floor, laying perfectly still in the tiny space between the bed and the wall.

"Whoa, you okay, man?" Taylor asked from the bedroom door, unable to see Anna from where he was standing.

"Yeah, just tired from the set," Dave said quickly and leaned forward to hide any evidence that Anna had just been all over him. Cold showers, a kick in the nuts, that time Gus forgot a towel and wandered around in front of everyone totally naked, he thought, eventually calming himself down enough to stand and actually listen to what Taylor was saying.

"... you were really great up there, man. Can we... you know... talk?"

"Yeah... let me just grab a shirt and we can take a walk." Dave casually walked back into the bedroom while Taylor waited. He pulled a shirt out of his suitcase and felt Anna's hand around his ankle, looking down at her as she silently laughed from the carpet. Dropping to his knees, he covered Anna's body with his own. "I'll be right back," he breathed. "Don't go anywhere." She nodded and kissed him, making him hop up as fast as he could before he had to focus on Gus's naked ass again to kill yet another Anna-induced hard-on.

Taylor frowned when Dave shut the bedroom door behind him. "Hey, where's Anna? I thought she came back here with you."

"She wanted to catch the Siouxsie set," Dave offered. "She's been a big fan since she was a kid."

*

"Anna...," Dave sang her name softly into the dark motorhome but stumbled up the steps and onto the carpeted floor with a loud thud. "Ow! Shit!"

He heard her grumble and the bed squeak when she turned over, but she was still after that. Goddamnit, he thought. Of course she fell asleep.

He and Taylor had walked around the entire backstage area at least five times before they finally came to the conclusion that they would readdress Taylor quitting after the gig tomorrow, but regardless of the outcome they would still remain friends. With the last huge stress off his shoulders, he crawled down the narrow hallway to the back room and up onto the bed.

"Annie...," he whispered, tasting pure tequila on his own breath. Jesus, how many shots did we do? he thought.

"David?" she stirred and rolled onto her back. "Hey, kitten. How'd it go?" she gave him a sleepy smile and sat up a little, revealing her black push up bra.

"Is that for me, Annie?" he asked, reaching out to hook his finger under the shoulder strap.

"David...," she laughed and ran her fingers through his hair once he crawled close enough.  "You're drunk!"

"Only a little," he frowned, worried she might not want to fool around with him anymore, but she pulled his face to hers and kissed him deeply, then giggled when he scrambled under the covers with her.

There was no way he would have said it sober, but the tequila swimming around in his blood thought it was the perfect comment to end the evening. "When are you gonna be ready to marry me and start on those eight kids?"

She hummed a little laugh against his chest then stretched against him so she could kiss his throat.

"Give me another five years, kitten."

[anotherfiveyears]

30: Let It Be

"What fucking happened?"

Dave had finally gotten enough of a hold on his tears to make a coherent sentence, but Anna obviously wasn't ready. She sharply shook her head and took several short breaths before collapsing in his arms.

Taylor suddenly appeared with a glass of water that she gratefully took, but didn't drink. She just kept gulping air like a fish out of water and it was scaring the hell out of Dave. "I can't- I can't breathe," she gasped.

"Panic attack," Taylor said, taking the water back and shoving Dave away from her. "Anna? Can you hear me?" he asked loudly.

Dave pressed his back against the hallway wall, completely terrified of what was happening in front of him. She nodded a little, but when her knees gave out, Taylor was there to catch her. He carried her into the bedroom while Dave remained motionless, staring down the steps at Scoots who was worriedly watching everything unfold from the lower level. The sound of water bouncing off the shower walls shook Dave from his stupor and he found Taylor standing under the steady stream with Anna still in his arms.

"This helped me in rehab," he explained, never taking his eyes off Anna's face. "She'll come around soon."

"What should I do?" he managed, looking around for something, anything that would make him feel useful.

"Towels... maybe get your bed ready for two people?"

The part of Dave's brain where he would throw a smart ass comment back at his best friend had been rendered disabled and the fact scared the hell out of him. Would anything ever be funny again? Would anyone give a shit about their music again? What would the world be like once the dust literally cleared? He darted around his bedroom laying out towels and throwing down clean sheets when Taylor came out of the bathroom in his dripping wet clothes to find him staring at a candle on the dresser.

"The fuck are you doing?" he asked tossing a towel over his hair.

"Would this help? It's lavender..." Dave asked, holding his lighter and feeling like a complete idiot.

"Smoke and fire are probably a bad idea," Taylor muttered. "I'll be across the hall with Scoots if you need me."

His feet made squishing noises on the carpet as he left the room and Dave suddenly feared being alone with Anna. What if she freaked out again and he couldn't help her?

"David?" Anna called from the bathroom, sending his heartbeat into overdrive. Hearing his full name was strange enough in LA, but seeing her leaned against the counter wearing only a towel and wet hair, holding his toothbrush was just bizarre. "Can I use this? I didn't really... pack anything except the dog."

He thought about the drawer next to her right hip that was the designated 'one night stand' kit. It was full of various condoms, hair ties, brand new toothbrushes, etc., and was something he once thought was incredibly cool and clever, but now felt completely disgusted by. "Yeah, of course," he said quickly, making a mental note to clear that shit out as soon as Anna wasn't looking.

"Thanks," she said softly, staring down at his toothbrush in silence long enough to worry him.

"Do you want me to stay in here with you?"

She nodded, her shoulders slumping a little in relief as she wet the toothbrush.

*

Dave sat back on the bed as Anna crawled in next to him wearing one of his shirts. She fell back against the pillow and frowned, looking up at him as he turned off the light.

"Did you change the sheets?"

"Yeah," he slid down in the bed next to her, careful to leave room between them. "I thought-"

She didn't wait to hear the rest before rolling into his side and throwing her arms around him. He was stunned for a moment, soaking up the feel of her touch as he rolled to face her. "What happened, Anna?" Her green eyes went wide as his hands went to her face, holding her just firmly enough to let her know that she was safe.

"I didn't know what else to do," she whispered. "I went into this horrible robot mode and I just... I just got in my car, went home and got Scooter and I drove here."

"You drove," he said bluntly. "You drove from Arlington to LA?"

She nodded, her eyes still locked on his. "I just needed to be somewhere safe and he told me to go to you."

He felt as if his heart had shattered in his chest. This girl, the girl he had known since he was just a kid, one of his best friends and at times worst enemies, the one he had resigned himself to always love, she had come to him in her time of crisis and he wasn't sure if he was man enough to be what she needed. Her response had already answered his most important question, but he needed to hear it from her.

"Anna...," he hesitated, scared of what her reaction might be. "Where is Aaron?"

Her eyes instantly unfocused from his and he felt what was left of his heart rip from his chest. "He went back in. He got me out and then he went back in."

"Jesus christ...," he pulled her to his chest, holding her so tightly that her breathing was labored and his arms ached, but neither of them cared.

"We didn't know what had happened," she went on, her voice against his skin and so far away at the same time. "He said it was an earthquake with the way the building just... boom and the alarms and the smoke... then we got outside and saw."

He let her talk knowing she had to get it out. She had just spent nearly 40 hours in her car with only her dog to talk to after experiencing one of the most horrific and disastrous events in human history, now was the time for him to shut up and listen.

"I fought him, David. He put me in the car and then tried to go back in, but I held on to him so tightly that I ripped his uniform and scratched his arm... and he didn't care. He said, 'Go to Dave' and-"

"Wait, what?" he pulled back to see her face again, alarmed that he had come up in such a moment.

"He told me to go to you. I probably would have ended up here anyways but he needed to know where to find me, I guess."

"How do you know?" he asked. "What if...?" What if Aaron walked through that door right now, smelling of smoke and stale coffee?

Anna shook her head, tears welling just above her lashes. "I got a phone call on the highway in New Mexico. The funeral is next week at Arlington."

The finality of it all tipped him over the edge. Aaron was gone and he had exited as a true hero, which wasn't at all surprising. He had saved Anna's life and probably several more, using his last words to his wife to tell her to find him. In the heaviness of it all, it was easy to look for the significance, the double meaning behind his words. Aaron had sent Anna to him so she would be safe, but it was an open-ended request that he not only placed on Anna but on him as well.

*

He woke up with a start, squinting against the harsh sunlight that bathed his bedroom. He had never put up curtains, finding he woke up early enough not to need them and it kept the one night stands from getting too comfortable, but now he was swearing as he covered his eyes with the blanket. In his sleep-fogged mind, he felt that blissful moment of innocence before the proverbial truck of recollection hit him.

Anna. Aaron. Arlington.

He bolted from his empty bed and ran down the stairs, skidding to a stop in the kitchen where Taylor was leaning against the slider door, staring out into the backyard. Anna was running around their little yard with Scooter, tossing a tennis ball through the grass for him to chase. Dave watched her for a moment, letting out a relieved breath when she laughed at the black labrador.

"She'll be okay," Taylor said softly. "There might be some long nights, but she's pretty fucking tough."

"Aaron... he...," he started but couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't doubt that she was tough, but this was a pretty fucking massive hurdle for her to overcome.

"Yeah," Taylor stared down at his bare feet and sighed. "She asked if we'd all go to the funeral."

[anotherfiveyears]

29: Is This the World We Created...?

*September 2001*

DC was having a strangely warm fall that year. The lawn they were on was still a bright summer green and the sun was harsh enough that a canopy had been set up above the ceremony site. Dave, Jimmy, Nate, and Taylor stood at a distance, not wanting to attract any attention away from Anna, who sat stoically between her parents and Aaron's. Her black shift dress and heels made her look elegant and poised, though Dave knew it was just a fragile mask. He thought she looked a little like Jackie Kennedy with her oversized black-rimmed sunglasses that hid her green eyes and he absentmindedly turned to look up the hill where the eternal flame was, where Jackie herself had been buried just a few years prior. He wondered if Anna would someday be buried here as well, next to her husband.

A tall man in full Marine Corp dress blues marched to a stop just in front of Anna, then gently knelt down to her eye level. She raised her head, her jaw set and her lips in a thin line as she was handed the neatly folded flag that had been atop her husband's casket. Jimmy and Taylor turned away, unable to watch as the crowd around her broke down and she clutched the flag to her chest. The first rifle fire made Anna jump and her head snapped toward Dave, making sure he was still there. He held her stare, silently telling her that he wouldn't leave her, not now. He knew she would break down later, somewhere that she wasn't being watched and he resolved to be there with her when the time came. As the guns continued to fire their blank rounds, he thought back to the week before.

*  

"Dude, wake up," Taylor nudged Dave as he lay sound asleep on the couch in his LA crash pad.

"What," he muttered. It was barely six in the morning and they had just gotten home from the bar, but Taylor flopped onto the couch next to him and turned up the TV.

"Some shit's going down in New York."

They sat together on the couch, stunned by what was unfolding before them. Were they under attack? Was the west coast next? What the fuck was going on? Almost a half hour from the original hits in New York, Dave felt his stomach turn when the screen flashed to a familiar map of Washington DC.

"No...," he whispered, kneeling forward off of the couch to get closer to the screen. "No... no, no..." he held the sides of the tv, vaguely hearing Taylor get up to find a phone. A video of a burning building in the distance, flames, and smoke shooting into the air like some insane action film with a banner underneath proclaiming that The Pentagon had been hit.

Dave had been curled up on the couch for three hours in a state of shock, staring blankly at the TV while everyone around him made frantic phone calls. No one knew what was happening, no one knew what to do. So many people were dead, even more were dying and no one knew why. The entire country was at a standstill and there was no new information coming from the east coast. His mother had called, calmly and firmly telling Dave that she was on her way to an information center and would call him as soon as she knew anything. That was an hour ago and there was still no word. Anna should have made it out by now, she would have let someone know that she was okay... unless she wasn't.

Taylor shuffled into the small living room, holding the cordless house phone and carefully set it next to him on the couch. "She left you a voicemail."

He slowly sat up and punched in the voicemail codes, not sure what to expect. The recording stated that she had left the message sometime last night, probably when he was out getting drunk with Taylor and Jordyn.

Anna's voice was cheery, a stark contrast to how the world felt and sounded like at that moment. "Hey kitten, it's me. I just swung by the house and everything looks good. I ran the sprinklers in the back because it's still so fucking hot here. No mail and," -- her dog barked sharply making her gasp -- "Fuck, Scoots! I'm driving! Sorry, anyway, I have to take food to Aaron at work tomorrow, so if you call and I don't answer it's because our friendly war department has confiscated my phone, but I'll see you this weekend! Tell everyone hi for me. Later!"

Dave listed forward off of the couch, his knees hitting the hardwood floor with a sickening crack while he hid his face in his hands. Taylor quietly sat next to him on the living room floor, weaving his arms around his best friend's waist as he sobbed into his shoulder.

*

Dave spent the better part of two days in bed, ignoring any call that didn't come from his mother or sister, letting the food Taylor brought him go cold and stale on the dresser in his bedroom. There was no word from Anna or her family, no word from friends or anyone else he could think of back home. It had been thirty-four hours since her voicemail and time had run out on options. Now he was just waiting for the phone call.

He thought about what he would wear to her service, she'd probably want him to wear jeans and his Motorhead shirt. Her mother would most likely ask him to play a song, which he'd turn down knowing there was no way he could get through it. Maybe he could record it and sit in the back and cry. That was a somewhat more dignified option. Too bad everything he had ever written about her was either full of angst and hostility or far too personal for her extended family to hear, especially at a funeral. He stared at the journal sitting neglected on his nightstand, feeling too exhausted to write anything of substance he chose to fall asleep again. She was there in his dreams, still alive.

A chair screeching on the kitchen floor beneath his bedroom jarred Dave from his sleep. The clock on his nightstand clicked over to 3:53 am as he rolled away from it to face the closed door. He listened to Taylor's voice, wondering who the hell he would be talking to at this hour and tried to go back to sleep. He could hear him walking up the stairs, another voice just behind his though a woman's this time. He felt anger flare in his chest at the thought of Taylor bringing home a girl when he was grieving in the room next to him and he bolted out of bed when he heard them speaking just outside his door.

He flung open the door, ready to unleash his wrath on Taylor and his poor unassuming one night stand, but found himself face to face with Anna. A stunned moment passed between the three of them on the upstairs landing, all of them wondering if maybe this was a dream. Maybe this whole entire nightmare was a dream and they would wake up and go about their lives as if nothing had happened. The arm she had raised to knock on his door dropped, yanking Dave from his stupor and he threw his arms around her. She smelled like stale perfume, smoke, coffee and cigarettes. Her hair was tangled and her clothes were torn, but she was breathing, holding him as tightly as he was her and crying just as hard.

[anotherfiveyears]

28: Love Of My Life

For two weeks, Dave diligently sat by Taylor's side. It was a blur of Anna and his mother coming and going from the room with food and coffee, and of tiny but important progressions in Taylor's recovery. A promising brain scan, a removed ventilator, a few twitches and hand squeezes that Dave definitely didn't imagine, they all resulted in one glorious morning when the doctors confirmed they would be waking Taylor up.

A flutter of eyelashes, then a pair of hazel eyes focusing and unfocusing on his face.

"Taylor," he choked out, tears streaming down his face in steady rivers. "Taylor... It's gonna be okay, man."

He groaned and tried to lift his head, completely disoriented and embarrassed by his helplessness. "Fuck off," he croaked.

Dave's face split into a wide smile and he dove across the bed to his best friend, kissing him firmly on the lips. Taylor weakly tried to shove him away, but Dave got what he wanted. That grin and that raspy, annoyed laugh lifted two weeks of stress and terror directly from his shoulders.

*

"Go, you asshole!" Taylor yelled and flung a plastic spoon full of green jello at Dave's head. "Go fucking eat something besides hospital food. We're starting to look like Iggy Pop and Mick Jagger."

Anna laughed from the doorway and Dave finally stood up from his bedside chair. "That would be a kick-ass collaboration and you fucking know it, Hawkins," he jabbed a finger at Taylor.

"We'll make it our life's work, then," Taylor yawned and settled back into his bed.

"We're just across the street, T. My number's on the board over there, just have the nurses call me if you need anything, okay?"

Taylor just rolled his back to them and waved his arm, effectively dismissing them.

"Let the poor guy sleep, David," Anna whispered.

"The love of my life's been sleeping for two fucking weeks! I missed him!" Dave didn't care what anyone thought anymore, he really had missed his best friend. He had been so close to death and he was so young, it had scared everyone around them into reevaluating their lives down to the very core.

"Go!" Taylor yelled again. "And bring me back something that isn't green," he added.

*

Dave and Anna waited for the elevator in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Now that Taylor was okay, Anna could go back home and Dave could resume his rock star life. There were a couple of girls back in the states that he had been talking to and he was busy trying to decide which one to call first when he realized Anna was waiting for him in the elevator.

"Something on your mind?" she asked when he slumped against the elevator wall.

"I haven't talked to Jordyn in like three weeks," he admitted. "It'll be a fucking miracle if she takes me back."

"Just explain what happened. I'm sure she'll understand."

The elevator doors slid open as Dave considered her words. Jordyn was quite a bit younger than them, she probably already moved on to someone new. The doors opened and they walked out onto the sidewalk when Dave was pulled from his thoughts long enough to register that Chris was calling his name.

"Hey, man! Is he up? Did they wake him up?" he asked eagerly, running up to him.

"Yeah," Dave felt his throat tighten and the tears threaten to return, he was just so fucking relieved that Taylor was going to be okay. "Yeah, he's up."

Chris dragged him into a tight embrace that lasted long enough to elicit an awkward chuckle as they both wiped the tears from their eyes. He glanced at Anna as she waited patiently, then realized she had never met Chris.

"Oh! Shit, sorry," Dave put his arm around Anna and brought her forward. "This is Anna. Anna, this is Chris."

"Hi," she said sweetly. "It's nice to finally meet you." In the two weeks they had been at the hospital, Anna and Chris had somehow never managed to cross paths.

"You too. I've heard so much about you," Chris shook her hand and pointedly looked at Dave.

Dave frowned a little, wondering if he was to blame for Chris hearing so much about Anna, then shook her shoulders a little. "We were just headed across the street for some dinner."

"You should come with!" Anna offered. "Taylor's napping anyways."

Chris looked between her and Dave, obviously trying to gauge if he was interrupting anything, but agreed when Dave flashed him a smile.

*

Anna and Chris stared wide-eyed over their beers as Dave devoured an almost obscene amount of pub food. He felt as if he hadn't eaten in two weeks, like he was in some sort of suspended animation waiting for Taylor to wake up. But that was all behind them now, now they could move forward.

"I know it's early yet, but do you guys have a plan for what's next?" Anna asked.

Dave and Chris looked at each other for a moment then shrugged. There weren't any plans, the shows were canceled with no obligation to make them up and they had an empty slate from then on out. Taylor still had a long road ahead of him, he needed to get healthy before Dave would even consider making another album, but he had some other offers to moonlight on friend's albums that he was seriously considering.

"The Gimmes want to make another album," Chris said quietly.

"Really?" Anna bounced a little on her chair, making Dave smile. She loved The Gimme Gimmes and it made Dave want to record more covers for their B sides.

"Yeah, you got any requests?" Chris asked.

Her grin practically lit up the entire pub as she rattled off her favorite songs. "... but even if you only do All My Loving, I'll be happy."

Chris laughed and nudged her with his elbow. "I'll call Joey in the morning. I'm gonna go smoke."

Once Dave and Anna were alone, she leaned close to Dave. "Hey," she nodded to the large wooden bar where several men were hunched over their after-work pints. "That guy keeps looking over here. Do you know him?"

Dave sat up straight and pretended to stretch his back, twisting his spine so he could get a good look at the man Anna was asking about. The moment he saw him, the edges of his vision tinged red and his blood ran ice cold. He felt Anna's hand on his and he turned to her. "Go get Shifty."

She didn't hesitate, just jumped up and hurried off towards the back of the bar while he tried to get a grip on his anger. Greg, that fucking roadie that had given Taylor a bad score, was sitting less than twenty feet away and all Dave wanted to do was murder him. Once he felt like he could make a coherent sentence, he stood and casually strolled over to the bar.

"Hey, man," he said smoothly, throwing down his credit card just in front of Greg for the bartender to swipe. "Haven't seen you in a couple weeks."

Greg shifted nervously on the wooden bar stool, looking everywhere but at Dave which was almost impossible with how close Dave was hovering over him. "Yeah, I had some family shit come up."

"Yeah?" Dave nodded and took his card back, shoving it back in his wallet. "We should go out back and catch up."

Surprisingly, Greg manned up and followed Dave to the alley where he lit a cigarette and lazily puffed on it, never taking his eyes off of his ex roadie. "So you almost killed my drummer."

Greg's head snapped up and his blue eyes looked terrified. "It's not my fucking fault he got greedy and slugged the entire thing into his arm."

On the surface, he appeared perfectly calm as he took a long drag and nodded his head, but beneath the facade, all control was gone. Dave suddenly lunged forward and shoved Greg as hard as he could against the brick wall. His head bounced, making a sickening crack before he crumped at Dave's feet. He pinched his cigarette between his lips and knelt over him, raining blows onto his former roadie's face while punctuating each one with words.

"You. Almost. Killed. My. Best. Fucking. Friend."

Greg was still trying to fight back, clumsily tearing at Dave's shirt, but never making any progress until the last thing Dave heard was a wooden chair splintering over his shoulders.

*

He heard her voice and felt her hands on his chest, "Come on, kitten. Come back to me."

He lay dazed on the cobblestones, his eyes focusing on her face and then the night sky beyond her. "What...?"

"You fought a junkie and his dirty fucking friends ganged up on you," she said bitterly, looking over her shoulder at something. "Can you stand?"

He tried to move, but his shoulders felt like they were detached from the rest of him and he groaned in pain.

"All right, hang on," she slipped her arms behind him and helped him up against the wall, then steadied him as he gradually made it to his feet.

"Fuck," he muttered, looking around at all the blood and broken wood on the ground.

"Yeah, you did a number on him," she replied and carefully put his arm around her shoulders. "There's a cab waiting for us."

"Where's Chris?" a sudden panic washed over him when he realized Chris was missing.

"He's... handling things elsewhere," she said quickly then began to walk him towards the street. "Hurry up."

Dave tried to look around for Chris, but Anna shoved him into the back of a black cab and slammed the door behind them.

The driver turned in his seat to face them. "If he bleeds on me seats you're going to have to pay, lass," he said, eyeing Dave like he was contagious.

"It's not his blood, man. Just drive," Anna snapped.

The drive seemed to take forever and every bump the cab went over sent shooting pains down Dave's arms and spine, making him gasp. Anna kept her arm around him, quietly reassuring them that they were getting close to the hotel.

When they finally locked his hotel room door behind them, she led him into the tiny bathroom and carefully pulled his shirt off so she could examine his back.  "Just a couple scrapes, but you're going to have one hell of a bruise in a few hours. You are so goddamn lucky your mother went home already."

He looked up into the mirror and winced at her pale face. "What did Greg look like?"

Anna was silent for a moment, then softly ran her fingers across his back making him shiver. "He'll be lucky to see in the morning," she whispered and slid herself between him and the counter. "Look at me." She held his cheek and studied his eyes, but she lingered a little too long for a simple concussion check.

His hands found her hips, holding her against him as he ignored the screaming in his shoulders. The quiet hotel room, her pulling him close and her eyes locked on his, it was too fucking much. He knew she was lonely; Aaron had been gone so much that she felt abandoned, but he couldn't be the one to initiate anything. He could never look Aaron in the eye again if he kissed her, but if Anna kissed him... that was a different story.  She brushed her lips against his and he felt her relax against his chest, deepening their kiss.

Everything he had held back for the past two years came flooding back. He had tried to pretend that he didn't still love her, but there wasn't any use in denying it anymore. Not when she had steadfastly been there for him during this ordeal with Taylor and especially now that she was pulling herself onto the counter and hooking her legs around him, it was all he could think about. Anna, I love you.

The moment the thought ran through his mind, she yanked away from him. Her hands splayed on his chest as she slipped off the countertop.

"Sorry," he whispered, stepping back from her.

"Yeah," she nodded, clearly freaked out by what had just happened. "Yeah, me too."

[anotherfiveyears]

27: For Your Life

August 2001

He sat at the edge of the hotel bed and stared at the phone sitting perfectly silent on the nightstand. The room was a disaster from his early morning haste, ripping through the drawers to find his things before racing to the hospital. He took a sharp breath and grabbed the phone, punching Anna's number in before he could overthink. It rang three times before she answered.

"Hello?" Fuck, she was sleeping.

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words caught in his throat. A wave of terror washed over him and he collapsed in on himself, clutching the phone to his ear just to hear her breathing, his last grip on reality.

"Hello?" she asked again, this time with worry in her voice and Aaron asking questions in the background. "David?"

"Annie..."

"David... Where are you?"

He couldn't answer, he just choked back sob after sob.

"Does Jimmy know where you are?"

"Yes," he managed.

"Hang tight, kitten. I'm on my way."

*

Tap Tap...

Dave didn't even look up from Taylor's face. The nurses always gave a courtesy knock when they did their rounds, though they never sat next to him in the extra chair... he looked up expecting Chris or Nate, they tried to stop in as often as they could, but he was staring slack-jawed at his own mother. He hadn't told her about Taylor's overdose, though he had told her that he was worried about his friend's heroin usage just weeks ago. She carefully took his hand and held it tightly, looking over her son's best friend as the tears welled in her eyes.

"It's happening again, Mom."

"Oh, honey," she sighed and held him tightly, letting him soak the shoulder of her blouse with his tears. They sat like that for a long time, mother and son, just weathering the storm as best they could.

When he had finally exhausted his tears, he sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. "How did you-"

"Anna came and got me in the dead of night. We took the next plane over," she explained.

"Is she-?" he looked towards the door, hoping she would be standing there.

"She's in the hall. I'll sit with him," she pulled her chair close to the bedside and took Taylor's hand.

The sight of his mother keeping vigil at his best friend's side almost broke him again and he rushed out of the room. Anna was far down the hallway where she wouldn't be in the way of the nurses, leaning against the wall and worriedly chewing her bottom lip. She looked up from her coffee cup when he approached her and her face instantly fell. He probably looked terrible, he had barely slept much less showered or even brushed his teeth since he got the call about Taylor.

"Oh god, David," she whispered, her eyes spilling tears onto her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

He threw his arms around her and held her as she cried, a strangely welcome change to all the shoulders he had been crying on as of late.

"You brought my mom," he said quietly, his face buried in her hair.

"I thought she could help more than I could."

He answered by holding her tighter until her tears ran dry, then not knowing what else to ask settled on the customary, "Coffee?"

She nodded and gripped his hand, letting him lead her as she wiped the streaks of mascara off her face. The end of the intensive care ward held the most dismal room in existence, one that Dave would only venture into when he needed coffee then rush right back out of. It was the room where families would gather to receive the worst news of their lives and it felt like the misery was imprinted on the walls. Paintings of bible scenes and landscapes hung on the aging wallpaper in an attempt to soothe, but they seemed invasive and condescending like the watercolored eyes were judging the very reason they were there.

Anna perched on the edge of a chair next to Dave and took a tentative sip of coffee. "Oh, Christ," she grimaced and pushed the cup away. "That's just awful."

Dave inadvertently laughed, a noise that startled both of them. He cleared his throat and tried his hardest to keep the smile on his face. "Everyone here drinks tea it so the coffee goes stale."

"Until you get to it," she nudged his arm with her elbow and sat back into her chair with a sigh.

"Aaron had to work?"

In the two years Anna had been married, Dave and Aaron had become friends. Actual friends without having to force it and would often hang out together when Anna was at work. She would come home to the two of them half drunk, either trying to skateboard in the driveway or woodshedding their guitars then grab her own beer and join them. Dave was always more comfortable when she was around, he was still closest to her after all, but the three of them had fallen into an easy dynamic.

"Yeah, he wanted to be here so badly, but he's been asked to go in more often than normal lately," she replied, frowning down at her hands. "It always makes me nervous when he's working on something at the Pentagon that he can't talk about."

"Isn't he some top-level security clearance guy there? No wonder he can't talk about it."

"Sometimes I think that even if he knew the world was going to end he wouldn't tell me," she muttered a little bitterly.

"I'm sure he would if it were to keep you safe, Annie," he said, furrowing his brow as he thought about it. He wasn't sure how deep Aaron was in the Pentagon, he had never really asked, he just knew that the majority of Aaron's duties were considered classified.

"Yeah, it's probably just some incoming alien attack or something," she shrugged.

"Fuck," Dave sighed, "I wish."

Anna looked around to make sure they were still alone, then leaned into Dave's side. "What fucking happened? I thought Taylor was getting clean!"

"Me too," he muttered bitterly. He didn't want to be mad at Taylor, he knew this was a mistake, an accident, but it was a colossal one. "We went out after a gig and had a few drinks, then I went to bed..."

"Yeah, you called me when you got to your room...," she reminded him. He had asked Anna to check on the house on her way home from work.

"Then next thing I knew, our tour manager was pounding on my door like the fucking cops and I was on my way here."

"Do you know where he got it from?"

Dave gripped the armrest of his chair and shifted his weight to try and mask his anger. "Yeah, I have a pretty good idea." They had played so many festival slots that it really could have been anyone that had given Taylor the heroin, but Dave knew in his gut that it was one of their roadies. Chris and Nate had suspected the same guy as no one had seen or heard from him since Taylor was found unconscious, so he had been quickly wiped from payroll and locked out of his hotel room.

"Okay," Anna took his hand again and they sat silently together, wrapped in their own worried thoughts.

[anotherfiveyears]

26: Anna (Go To Him)

God fucking damnit.

He stepped out of Jimmy's Camaro and stared up at the massive church. He always liked this church. Jimmy adjusted his ill-fitting suit and swore when his tie came loose.

"I hate these fucking monkey suits, man," he grumbled.

Taylor stumbled out of the backseat in his tuxedo t-shirt and suit jacket, still drunk from the night before while holding the case of Coors Light they had brought as a wedding gift. Dave laughed a little at how wonderfully redneck they looked, pulling up to a beautiful wedding in a rusted Camaro with tuxedo shirts, skate shoes and a case of beer. Nate had been horrified that morning in the kitchen, carefully wrapping his gift of crystal wine glasses and insisting that he and Kate take their own car to avoid being associated with Taylor, Jimmy, and Dave. Despite the hollow pit in his chest, Dave was happy his best friends were there to help him through the day, drunk or not.

White and pink flowers cascaded down the arched stone doorway where Amy stood at the top of the steps with a scowl on her face. "What the hell are you assholes doing here?" she hissed, reluctantly handing him and his friends programs.

"The bride and groom invited us, you rancid bitch," Taylor said smoothly. "Too bad you didn't make the bridesmaid team. Pretty girls only, right?"

Dave pretended to be interested in the program as he raced inside to avoid laughing in Amy's face. They were fucking mean, but so was she. He could hear Jimmy still in the doorway, holding up the line of guests while hassling her, "Can you smile or is your face just like that now?"

The massive wooden doors were propped open and the sanctuary was filled with people all talking and laughing amongst themselves as they waited for the ceremony to start. Several people noticed him when he walked in and either waved excitedly or shot him a questioning look. He almost immediately spotted his mother and sister near the front and wondered if everyone he knew had been formally invited except him.

He wanted to be as far away from the aisle and altar as possible, bonus points if some woman in a huge hat were in front of him to completely block his view, but Taylor and Jimmy slid into the pew midway down on the bride's side leaving him just enough space next to the aisle. He reluctantly sat next to Jimmy and instantly began to fidget.

"Fuck, I need a cigarette."

Jimmy checked his watch and shrugged. "You've got time. I'll hold your seat."

Dave quickly found the door to the courtyard where he had escaped to during so many other weddings, though this time felt so much worse. He stood on the stone steps and shoved his hand in his jacket pocket when a blur of white caught his eye. She stood next to a rose bush, examining the blossoms while nervously smoking a cigarette and he spent a moment taking her in, feeling every possible emotion as he did. Her dress was simple, off-white with a delicate skirt and train, showing off the shape of her slender body through the silk. Her long dark hair gently curled down her back with a single layer of silk gauze pinned in the back for a veil. It was simple and elegant, but not at all basic and just so Anna.  He stepped out into the courtyard and she looked up, jumping back in surprise.

"Holy shit you scared me," she gasped when he came closer to her.

"Annie...," his voice cracked and his hand flew to his mouth as if that would hide the impending wave of tears that threatened to mortify him. He had been fine at a distance, but now that he was close to her he felt himself break. "You look... you look great."

"You sound like my dad," she muttered, but her smile gave her away.

He felt himself relax just slightly at her grin. "You do, though. Your dress is perfect."

She snorted and took a drag of her cigarette. "Thanks. Tell my mom that, will ya? She wanted me to wear the big ass lace ball gown. I just wish I could sit down."

He impressed even himself by immediately shrugging off his suit jacket and laying it down on the stone steps behind them, holding his arm out to help her sit.

"So chivalrous," she giggled and gratefully took his hand to sit down in a swish of silk skirts. She kicked her feet out to reveal the skate shoes that were hidden under the skirt of her gown and clicked the toes together.

"Nice, Anna," he chuckled and sat on the step next to her, kicking her skate shoe with his.

"Don't tell my mom that," she ashed her cigarette far from her dress. "She thinks I'm wearing Manolos. How's a girl gonna skate in Manolos?"

She reached over and took his hand, a gesture she had done countless times before, but now she had unwittingly unleashed the floodgates. His words came quickly before he could stop them, now was as good a time as any and time was something he was quickly running out of. "I'm sorry, Anna. I know this is the worst possible fucking time to do this, but I just... I have to get it out. It should be me in there, but I fucked that up. It should be us with the big house and the dog and the kids and... I love you... god, I love you. But Aaron is great... he's just... so fucking great," he gritted his teeth in mock annoyance, turning her stunned stare into a relieved smile. "I'm happy for you and I'm happy it's him."

"Me too, kitten," she said softly. There was a brief silence before she spoke again, squeezing his hand tightly. "You know, I wanted this for us for so long. I thought that someday we would get our shit together and it'd be us in this church, arguing with our parents over flower arrangements and guest lists. But then..." He was hanging on her every word, desperately wanting the closure she was about to offer when her eyes focused past him and he heard footsteps on the stone steps.

He pointed at Taylor as he wandered toward them with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. "No!" he shouted. "Not now!"

Taylor looked confused for a moment, then quickly assessed the situation before scurrying away to guard his friend's hiding place.

"Anyways...," Anna shook her head at the spectacle and went on. "I realized it was too risky. I had this dream that we were married and we were so happy, David. We had everything we ever wanted and then one of our stupid fucking fights ended it all and that was it... I never saw you again." She paused for a moment as if she were reliving the dream. "And I woke up knowing it wasn't meant to be. You mean too much to me to lose you over something as dumb as marriage, kitten."

She was right, they were so fragile. They had been apart far more than they had been together, they hadn't even lived in the same home. When they got along, nothing could come between them but when they fought, they fought hard. Even if they tried to make it work, he would be gone all the time and where did that leave her? He knew one tiny, stupid thing would set them off and he'd be signing divorce papers from LA while she sold the house in Virginia. The terms were hard to come to, but there they were. He nodded slowly as she brushed away the tears that had spilled onto his cheek.

"It's gonna be okay, kitten," she whispered.

"Just promise me we won't become strangers again."

She slid to his side and wrapped her arm around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I promise."

He draped his arm around her shoulders, careful not to mess up her veil and pressed his lips into her hair. His eyes squeezed shut as he desperately fought back the tears and they sat together in silence for what seemed like hours.

"Anne?" her father's gentle voice broke their moment. "Honey, it's time."

Dave reluctantly helped Anna up and she handed him his jacket with a quiet smile. They walked back up the steps together to where her father was watching the scene unfold. He went to go shake his old boss's hand, but Bobby put his arm around Dave and whispered conspiratorially to him, "You need me to take that Aaron kid out? Cause I can-"

"Daddy!" Anna laughed loudly and covered her mouth.

"It's good to see you again, David," Bobby smiled warmly with maybe a touch of sympathy.

"You too," he said softly and left Anna and her father to prepare for the ceremony.

*

Dave sat at the large round table with his friends, some he hadn't seen in years, laughing loudly over beer, whiskey, champagne and cake as the wedding reception raged on around them. He felt surprisingly at ease with everything after talking with Anna, though watching her walk down the aisle and vow to love someone else for eternity was still hard.

"Hey," she tapped his shoulder and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet before he could put his drink down. "Come dance with me."

She took his whiskey from his hand and sipped it as she twirled under his arm, smiling brightly when Led Zeppelin's Thank You began to play. They spent the song sharing his whiskey, giggling and holding each other close, and he was just drunk enough to let himself pretend it was all for them.

[anotherfiveyears]

25: Hey Hey What Can I Do?

"Hey!" Dave had the entire night and most of the morning to prepare himself for Anna and Aaron's visit, but the moment he opened the door his heart shattered all over again. They just looked so fucking happy.

The night before, Dave and Aaron had been busy getting Jimmy situated in the guest room upstairs when Nate had heard the commotion and found Anna in the entryway. By the time Dave returned, Nate had suggested the future newlyweds come for dinner and here they were. Aaron had two skateboards under one arm, Anna under the other and that infuriatingly charming smile on his face that Dave wanted to remove with his fist. He hated how much he liked the guy.

"Hi, kitten!" she chirped and dragged Aaron along behind her when Dave waved them inside.

He was about to offer a tour of the house when Jimmy bounded down the steps with his board in his hand as if his hangover never happened. "Come on, dude! I got the curb waxed!"

Aaron ran out behind Jimmy, leaving Anna and Dave alone in the foyer. "Couple of goddamn teenagers," she muttered, always able to make Dave laugh even when he was miserable. "This house is beautiful, David! How did you find it?"

"Lisa found it, actually," he said, leading her further into the kitchen. "One of her customers mentioned they were moving and I snatched it up before it hit the market."

Anna gave a sharp laugh and ran her hand over a wooden railing that led to the basement. "Yeah, I should have known."

"Should have known what?"

"Aaron and I live just down the street. Off Orchard."

Dave could probably name the one. The big white colonial with a sprawling front lawn, white picket fence and goofy Labrador at the gate. "Lisa always liked you," he shrugged.

"I see her every morning at her shop," she laughed. "No one makes coffee like your sister." An awkward silence fell over them, something they had never experienced alone together. It had always just been easy with them. "I'm so sorry," she finally whispered. "Nate asked us to come over and I couldn't-"

"No, it's cool, Anna... really, I'm happy you're here," he said quickly before she could point out how uncomfortable he was. He was happy she was there, he just wished the circumstances were different. "Come see the studio."

She silently followed him down the steps and into the basement control room, immediately making herself at home by dropping into the office chair he used for vocals and spinning around in it.

Smiling to himself, Dave sat in his producer Adam's chair and tapped the console with the back of his hand. "We're struggling with some echo in the booth. All that fucking drywall, but I can't find any good sound foam around here."

Anna reached over, using his leg as a brake to stop her spinning chair and craned her neck to look into the booth. "Just hang up some blankets."

He looked over at her, then up at the recording booth. "Really?"

"Yeah, sure. It's a box, dude. Any soft density will stop the bounce."

"What kind of blankets?"

She laughed softly and stretched back, making the chair squeal in protest. "Anything you've got. Come to think of it, sleeping bags would work, or moving blankets." She nodded to the long-ignored unpacked boxes in the corner.

Dave picked a little at the tape above one of the faders. "You wanna hear some of it?"

Anna raised an eyebrow at him and smiled. "Are any of them about me?"

His hands shot up in defense and he backed away from the board, "Absolutely fucking not. Lesson learned."

A half smiled pulled at her lips and she gently laid her hand over his. Fear rose in his chest as she looked everywhere but at him and he tried to brace himself for her words. "Look, David... I've been wanting to talk to you... to thank you for how everything went down." He sat perfectly still and silent, staring her down to keep her talking. "With Will and the songs on the record... I only got a few voicemails from some overly intrepid journalists."

"You were pretty adamant about not wanting anyone to know they were about you," he said softly. The fight they had in the record store still haunted him when he played Everlong live and he had pretended he had never heard of her when those same journalists had mentioned her name.

"I'm so sorry, David. I was scared. I didn't want the world to know to know that I was a stubborn idiot about Will and I didn't want people prying into what happened to us."

"That was never my intention, Anna. I just had to-"

"No," she shook her head, finally letting her eyes meet his. "I know. It was all my fault. I let my fear get in the way and I'm so sorry."

"Does this mean I can write about you again?" he teased. "Cause you're a fucking goldmine of material."

She laughed, the exact reaction he wanted from her. "Absolutely fucking not, kitten."

They sat together at the board, listening and laughing as he played her all the demos they had recorded in the few short weeks he had been in Virginia. No one came down to bother them or even check in and Dave was able to spend a few blissful hours with her, pretending that the light reflecting off her diamond ring was just an illusion.

*

The group sat on the deck in the unseasonably warm spring air, comfortably engrossed in their own little spaces. Taylor and the bridesmaid, who Anna introduced as Heather, had finally emerged from bed looking rather worse for wear but apparently felt well enough to intermittently make out in the same lounge chair. Nate, Aaron, and Jimmy were in some debate about skateboarding at the table while Dave stood at the grill pretending to focus on the meat. In reality, he was far too consumed with watching Anna through the window as she danced around his kitchen. She looked perfectly at ease putting together the rest of the food for the crowd on the deck and he selfishly wondered what it would take to get her to call off the wedding. She wouldn't need to cancel anything, he'd be just fine with taking Aaron's place on Saturday and then he and Anna could get to work on filling that big house with kids and dogs and-

"Hey, I know you're morally against steak sauce, but do you have any barbecue sauce?" she appeared at his side, breaking his downward spiral of thoughts.

"Yeah, in the pantry."

Her hand grazed his back as she returned to the kitchen and Aaron shuffled into her place with an awkward smile and a beer. "She's pretty amazing, right?"

"Yep," Dave muttered, turning back to the searing meat on the grill. "She's... great."

Aaron looked over his shoulder to the others on the deck and Dave braced himself for what he knew was coming. "She told me about you two. I hope this isn't weird or anything..."

Dave cleared his throat and straightened his spine, "No, man. Everything's cool. Anna and I are just friends."

Aaron let out a relieved breath and slapped Dave on the back. "That's so good to hear, man. And we're neighbors, dude! How rad is that?"

"So rad," Dave feigned excitement and tapped on the kitchen window to get Anna's attention. Aaron droned on about the wedding details while Dave half listened and watched Anna locate a large plate for him to put the meat on. If it wasn't for her fiancé gushing about the church they were marrying in, he could easily pretend this was a normal domestic situation. A typical backyard barbecue with a beautiful wife, best friends, and that one overly friendly, annoying neighbor that never shuts up. The moment Anna opened the slider door and heard Aaron, she rolled her eyes and mouthed a 'sorry' to Dave. She was holding the plate while he transferred the steaks when Aaron dropped the euphemistic nuclear bomb.

"Dave, you should totally come, dude! We're having an open bar!"

Dave looked up into Anna's startled face and grinned, "Yeah, man. If the bride says it's okay, I'll be there."

"Uh...," she faltered, but quickly caught herself when Aaron furrowed his brow. "Yes, absolutely. Taylor, you too!" Anna set the plate on the patio table and wiped her hands on her jeans. "Let's eat."

[anotherfiveyears]

24: Another One Bites the Dust

March 1999

Dave ripped open the glass door of the dive bar and held it for Jimmy and Taylor.

"Thanks, baby!" Taylor mocked and ran his hand across Dave's cheek as he passed, earning himself a swift kick in the ass.

Dave looked around, smiling to himself and finally feeling back at home. He loved that bar. It smelled vaguely of cleaning solution and fried food, the bartender had been the same angry old man for years, they refused to play any music made after 1987 and the beer was always cheap.

Taylor gasped in excitement when he saw the old Street Fighter game propped against the wall and bounced towards it like an eight-year-old with a pocket full of quarters while Dave poached a table and Jimmy ordered beers at the bar. Dave tried to remember the last time he was there, finally deciding it was the night before Thanksgiving with Anna and butterflies rose in his chest at the thought of her. Jimmy set down a pitcher of beer and three glasses while Dave worked up the courage to ask him about her. "Hey, man... have you-?"

"I saw her last week," he interrupted flatly. "She's fine, still hot as hell and no, she didn't ask about you."

Dave felt every single one of his butterflies die a slow and painful death as he poured himself a beer and began to suck it down.

"Who are we talking about?" Taylor appeared at the table after losing interest in the game and snatched the beer Jimmy was pouring.

"Nobody," Dave grumbled the same time Jimmy said, "Anna."

"Oh, that brunette that you talk about in your sleep?" Taylor looked between Dave and Jimmy as they exchanged glares and broke the tension by ramming his hips into a bar stool while laughingly moaning her name.

"Goddamnit, Hawkins," Dave flung a paper coaster at his head, then dove off his bar stool at him, tackling him to the floor.

"You have to get over her, man!" Jimmy yelled as Dave and Taylor wrestled around.

"I am over her!" he insisted, looking up through Taylor's hand that was splayed across his face. His voice wavered and his two best friends knew better. "Fuck both of you."

"Jimmy!" Right on cue, her voice pierced their conversation and Jimmy leaped up, sending his bar stool crashing to the dirty wood floor next to Taylor and Dave. He picked her up and swung her around before leading her directly towards the bar.

Dave sat up from pinning Taylor and narrowed his eyes at Jimmy's back, annoyed that he wanted to keep Anna as far away as possible. Probably because that short black dress she was wearing was a fucking killer and that Dave had absolutely no willpower around her.

"Jesus fuck," Taylor groaned as he sat up next to Dave. "Is that her?" Dave didn't answer, just dropped his head between his knees. He felt Taylor's hand on his shoulder, squeezing a little in support of his friend and helped him to his feet. They sat together, finishing the pitcher of beer while scanning the large group she had arrived with. They were all far overdressed for the tiny dive bar and had probably been out at the clubs before deciding to finish off the night closer to home.

"Weren't you two really good friends?" Taylor finally asked, interrupting Dave's sulking.

"Yeah, we were super close," he sighed and shoved his empty beer glass away.

"Well then go fucking talk to her. How could that hurt?"

She could rip my heart out and stomp on it like she did last time? he thought. There were a thousand different ways it could hurt, but Jimmy had been distracted by someone else and there was Anna, alone at the bar.

"Dude, go," Taylor coaxed.

Dave swore under his breath and gathered the courage to walk over, though all the beer he had consumed was quickening the process. He was almost there when she turned and saw him, a devious smile spreading across her face as she bit into the tiny straws in her whiskey glass. He quickly devised a plan, knowing he needed her in his life like he needed air. He'd follow the same old routine by somehow managing to weasel his way back into her life, but this time he was determined to end the cycle and keep her around for good.

He had moved back to Virginia to get away from LA and the chaos it caused. He had felt himself slipping into the madness, going out every night with Taylor, getting fucked up and screwing anybody that was willing, but the numbness to it all was becoming too much to ignore. He had woken up one morning, sent some redhead on her way with a signed NDA and taxi fare and realized he just wasn't feeling anymore. The fear that he was becoming as apathetic as Kurt had jolted him into action, rousing Taylor from his sleep in a panic to tell him they were moving as soon as possible. A month later they were blissfully barbequing on the back deck of his new house in Virginia and planning the basement studio.

"Look at this joker," she called to him once he was within earshot.

"Hey, gorgeous. Come here often?" he grinned and blatantly checked her out, knowing his trusty LA pick up line would make her roll her eyes and it succeeded almost immediately.

"Sorry, handsome. I don't date guys in bands," she laughed and threw her arms around him, squeezing him tightly for a lingering moment before letting go. "How are ya, kitten?"

"Good, now that I'm back home," he paused for a moment to order more beer from the bartender. "What's the occasion?" he nodded to her group of friends that were still filtering in from outside.

"Bachelorette party," she said through a lazy smile. She was drunk. Perfect.

"Oh yeah? Who's throwing their life away now?" He scanned the crowd, recognizing Amy and the rest of Anna's old punk friends glaring harshly at him from their table in the far corner.

Anna stared at him for a moment as she took a long drink of whiskey. "It's me, kitten. I'm getting married."

Time slowed, his ears began to ring and his breath caught in his throat, making him choke on his beer. "What?" he coughed, clearing his throat as he blushed from embarrassment. The last thing he wanted was for her to know he was still in love with her, but he couldn't take his eyes off the massive rock on her ring finger.

"You okay?" she frowned and set her drink on the bar, patting his back as if that were going to clear his airway of the devastation he felt.

"Yeah, I'm good," he lied. "Congratulations, Annie."

"Thanks," she said quietly. "So what are you doing back in Old Dominion?"

"I got sick of LA," he shrugged. "We're recording the next record here."

"David!" she shrieked, making him jump. "That's great! What studio?"

"Don't have one. I bought a board and we're installing it in my basement." He watched her hand some cash to the bartender and frowned. "Wait, are you buying your own drinks?"

Anna laughed, one of her loud, throwing her head back laughs that made his heart swell. "Yeah. My friends are... shall we say between jobs," she giggled.

He looked up at her friends that were still whispering amongst themselves and throwing him dirty looks. "Band didn't take off, huh?" he stared Amy down as she glared back at him.

"Oh David, you know those things never work out. No one ever makes an entire career out of being a rock star," she rolled her eyes and despite the pit in his stomach, he laughed.

"So when's the big day?" he didn't really want to know, but he was scared she'd find a reason to go back to her friends and walk out of his life for good. He just wanted to hold on a bit longer.

"A week from today. The tenth."

Fuck. That's so soon. "You ready?"

She shrugged and looked away, "I guess. I don't know if anyone is ever really ready for these things. I need a smoke. You wanna come with?"

He pushed away from the bar as an answer and followed her, but not before motioning to the bartender that anything she wanted would go on his tab. She led him out the back door to the deserted back parking lot where she slumped against the wall and pinched a smoke between her lips.

"So what's he like?" he lit her cigarette for her, idly imagining her beloved as some horrible beast so he could use Stockholm Syndrome as an excuse to rescue her. Shit, it had worked once before with William, he thought bitterly, but her bright smile and giggle almost killed him. She looked so happy.

"He's pretty great, kitten. He works with my mom at the Pentagon."

"A jarhead, Anna?" She didn't even need to specify, he knew the exact type, but he was surprised she had fallen for one.

"Well, yeah... but he was a professional skater and a guitarist before all that. He got into trouble and the judge gave him the old jail or Marines option."

"What kind of trouble?" He knew he was prying and he didn't care. He wanted to know everything about this fucking guy.

Anna shrugged, her sly smile returning. "Got caught underage with a trunk full of beer at a punk concert." His eyes widened a little before he realized she was kidding. That would be too much of a coincidence. "He was his high school's weed dealer," she relented with a laugh.

Dave nodded and wondered if maybe he knew him somehow when the back door opened behind him.

"Annie?"

She lit up like a fucking Christmas tree at the sight of him, knocking the wind completely out of Dave. There was no saving this, she was gone.

"Over here! Look who I ran into!" she reached for his hand and pulled him into Dave's line of sight, oblivious to his suffering. "Dave, this is Aaron. Aaron, Dave."

Of course he was painfully handsome. Tall, dark, built like a Marine, but with longer hair and tattoos. "Hey man!" Aaron smiled warmly and firmly shook his hand. "I'm a huge fan of yours!"

"Yeah, thanks," he tried to sound sincere but wasn't sure it came across that way.

"Annie told me all about the shenanigans you two used to get up to," he laughed and put his arm around Anna's shoulders.

Dave forced a laugh, "She was a terrible influence on me." Also, fuck you, I'm the only one that calls her Annie.

Taylor poked his head out the back door and spotted Dave, "Hey man, Jimmy's passed out."

Both Dave and Anna groaned. "I'll be right there," he called back. He just wanted a couple more minutes with her.

"We should probably call it a night, too," Anna said softly, then looked back to Aaron.

Dave felt as if he might lose it when she gave Aaron the smile she had given him so many years ago. He turned on his heel, unable to look at them anymore and rushed inside to find Jimmy slumped in the corner with Amy at his side.

"You really need to keep an eye on your friend here," she admonished. "He's gonna get himself killed."

"Fuck off, Amy," he snapped. He didn't have the patience to deal with her griping bullshit, he needed to get Jimmy in the car and get home where he could go to sleep and pretend none of this was happening.

"Can I help?" Aaron asked, kneeling beside him and looking at Jimmy with concern.

Goddamnit, go be nice somewhere else. You're making it hard to hate you. "Just need to get him to my car."

Aaron nodded sharply, then leaned into Jimmy and easily picked him up over his shoulder. "Come on, buddy. Let's go home." Oh now Jimmy's your buddy, too? Was everyone here a total backstabber?

Once out in the parking lot, Dave noticed Taylor making out with some blonde against his car and sighed in annoyance. Anna's giggle at his side surprised him. "Is that your friend?" she asked, gently touching his arm. "Cause he's got his tongue down my bridesmaid's throat."

"Yeah... and my new drummer, actually," he laughed in spite of how bad his heart hurt.

The mention of his drummer sparked something in Anna and her eyes almost instantly filled with tears. "Oh, kitten...," she looked around for Aaron and must have decided he was too close for comfort because she shook her head and stepped back, dropping her eyes to the pavement.

"Which one's yours?" Aaron asked, shifting Jimmy's dead weight on his shoulders. Dave kept his eyes on Anna, disarming the alarm on his new car as an answer. Aaron looked in the direction of the beeping and gasped, "Duuuude, no. Jimmy's gonna hurl at any moment, there's no way I'm letting him fuck up the interior of a brand new Audi." Dave didn't have time to protest before Aaron lugged Jimmy to a black pickup and carefully set him in the back.

"We'll follow you to your place," Anna said quietly. "Is it far?"

He could only shake his head, knowing his voice would break if he spoke. Watching her hurry to Aaron, him opening the door for her and helping her into the passenger seat... it so easily could have been him taking care of his drunk friend and looking forward to a spring wedding with Anna, but he had spent the last two years in LA getting fucked up, sleeping with anything that had a pulse and living the rock star life that Anna always rolled her eyes at. He couldn't even get the closure he needed with her, he had fucked it all up.    

[anotherfiveyears]

23: Stairway to Heaven

Dave climbed out of Jimmy's Camaro and looked up at the massive church. It was the one all his friends got married in, the one he tried to convince Jen to have their own wedding in... he wasn't religious, but he liked the large stained glass windows and how elaborate and grand it felt. It reminded him of home and had a way of making things feel official.

Jimmy nudged his arm and he looked over, almost laughing at his friend's ill-fitting suit, the same one he wore to everyone's wedding as he raided the open bar. "You ready?" he asked.

"Sure," Dave nodded, though he wasn't sure who was getting hitched. At that point in his life, there were several weddings each year. Par for the course when one hits their late twenties, early thirties.

They walked in the church's large front doors and were met with a large group of their friends, all milling about in the hallway quietly talking amongst themselves. He noticed several of Anna's friends as well and began to look over people's heads to find her, spying Amy against the wall with a withering glare fixed directly upon him.

He frowned at her and turned back to Jimmy, "Where's Anna?"

"In here," Jimmy steered him into the sanctuary which was eerily silent compared to the hallway.

Flowers lined the aisle and the altar, surrounding a white casket and a large picture of Anna smiling happily. Dave felt his heart stop and his legs buckle. This was supposed to be a wedding... someone was supposed to be getting married, Jimmy obviously took him into the wrong church. He went to turn back to the hallway, but Amy and her accusing stare shut the massive wooden doors in his face.

"Dude, come on," Jimmy urged, pulling on his suit sleeve.

Thick dread filled his chest the closer he got to the open casket. Anna's parents were in the first pew, leaning into each other and shaking with sobs. The sight of her father, one of the most affable and happiest men he'd ever known, overcome with grief was unnerving and terrifying. Dave hesitated, but Jimmy dragged him on until they were staring down at her.

Her casket was lined with soft pink satin and she lay peacefully atop a white pillow wearing the black velvet dress from New Years. Her hair was still wet, her skin had a touch of blue to it and Dave wondered why no one had taken the time to at least let her hair dry.

"It wasn't your fault, man," Jimmy said through his tears. "You were tired and just fell asleep. It could have happened to any of us."

Wait... what happened? Had he fallen asleep and...? Ben had told him to keep an eye on her... What the fuck was going on? He reached into the casket to take her hand but was startled when she spoke.

"David..." Anna's eyes were open, no longer the deep green he remembered but a foggy white. She reached for him, the bracelet he had given her sparkling in the light from the stained glass windows. "David?"

His eyes sprung open and fell on Anna as she lay motionless beside him.

Fuck. He stared at her in terror for what seemed like an eternity when her chest finally rose and fell. She cried out when he yanked her across the bed towards him, waking her from her deep sleep.

"David! What the hell?!"

He responded by kissing her, all at once relieved and thankful that she was alive and not caring that he had completely pissed her off by waking her up. Her anger was apparently shortlived as she pulled his arm until his body covered hers. It had been almost a year since they were together in the back of his car but it felt like they had never been apart. They laughed as he helped her pull her shirt off, both of them well aware that they were in Jimmy's bed and she was wearing his clothes. Then in the next moment, his forehead was pressed against hers as he sunk into her.

"You aren't wearing your ring," she breathed, meeting his eyes as they fell into a rhythm.

He only shook his head, knowing that's the only answer she needed. The divorce was finalized just before Christmas and while he was relieved, he was also a little sad. Nothing quite like the gift of getting the fuck out of someone else's life during the holidays. Desperate to clear his head of those thoughts, he skimmed his hand down her leg so he could throw it over his hip and suddenly remembered her ankle. "Explain your tattoo."

Anna's eyes darted up to his, "Now?"

"Yes, now." He knew it would drive him insane if she didn't tell him.

She smiled up at him and arched her back, encouraging him to keep going. "It's a ball of yarn and some drumsticks, kitten."

Yarn... kitten... drumsticks. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"Anna-"

"Can we please talk about this later?" she stared up at him with pleading eyes as her legs began to tremble.

He relented, pushing the nagging questions to the back of his mind and focused on her, how her body responded to his and his to hers. They might have only been together a handful of times, but each time was more intense and ardent than the previous. He would whisper that he loved her and she would respond without words, kissing him deeply or dragging her nails down his back. This time however, he couldn't stop saying it. Maybe it was because this was the first time they weren't cheating on someone or because that dream had startled some sense into him, but he allowed the idea that he did love her to dwell at the front of his thoughts. He pushed her to the edge and watched her fall apart, kissing her when he was sure the entire house could hear her.

He silently moved his lips against hers, telling her one more time, "I love you, Anna."

"I love you, too, David."

He wasn't prepared for it and his mind reeled over her words while the rest of him shattered above her. She followed his example, kissing him to quiet his swearing until she collapsed back into the pillow.  

"Well, that's one way to cure a hangover," she sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "What the hell brought that on?"

"Fuck," he gasped, out of breath, "I dreamt you were dead."

"Still get those nightmares, huh?" she reached over and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Yeah," he swallowed hard. "Yeah, I guess."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," he pulled her to his chest when she scooted closer to him, trying to shake the memory of her lying dead in a metal box. "Here, put this on before Jimmy shows up."  He leaned over and grabbed his discarded shirt from the nightstand and handed it to her.

"Thanks for babysitting me last night, kitten. Sorry if I was a disaster."

"Better me than him," he muttered. The vision of her in a casket was replaced with her lying dead in a snowy ditch and he let out a shaky breath, rolling quickly out of the bed.

"Yeah..." she sighed and sat up against the wall. "Sorry about that, too."

They eyed each other warily for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say when Jimmy barged into the room.

"Holy shit!" he yelled and dove across the bed to Anna, "You're alive!"

She laughed a little and hugged him back, giving Dave a concerned glance as he fled the room. "Was there some notion that I wasn't?" he heard her ask as he ran down the steps.

He had to get away to think. Being with her in bed would only lead to more sex and conversations with topics that never seemed to be fully resolved. Stepping over several people passed out on the living room floor, he could smell the coffee in the kitchen and wondered if Jimmy had even slept. Pouring a cup of jet black coffee, he stood in front of the kitchen window and watched the snow fall softly in the backyard. He thought about asking Anna to come to LA with him. She could quit her job and they could find a place in Beverly Hills or Malibu or where ever she wanted, as long as she was with him.

He had just finished his cup when Anna pulled herself onto the counter next to him and poured herself some coffee. "Jimmy's being really clingy... What the hell I do last night?"

He turned away from the window and leaned against the counter opposite her, taking in that she was wearing his shirt so early in the morning and little else. "You passed out and scared the hell out of us."

"It was just a little nap, David," she laughed softly and took a sip of her coffee, staring out into the snow while he glared at her.

"It wasn't just a nap, Anna. Your hot shot boyfriend slipped you a goddamn roofie," he wasn't lying, necessarily, just expanding on the truth to ensure she didn't go back to that clown.

Her eyes darted to his over her cup and she shrugged, seemingly unaffected by the news. "He didn't slip me anything."

He took a sharp breath to explain in detail what exactly a roofie was because she obviously didn't know when her cheeks turned a suspicious color of pink. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" What the fuck?

"We were having a good time!" she insisted, "There was champagne, then someone had a bag of pills and I just wanted to know what it would feel like."

She couldn't have known, but she had just given him the exact excuse Kurt had used in Rome. "You could have died, Anna!"

"Oh, please," she scoffed and slid off the counter. "Now Mr. Rock Star is giving me the 'Just Say No' talk? How about the time you crashed my parent's anniversary party so far gone on acid that my dad had to talk you down from the roof?"

"That's different and you know it," he almost laughed at the memory of her father trying to coax him down with a raw steak, but he was too pissed off at her.

"Not sure how, but okay," she said flippantly and began to walk away.

"Goddamnit, Anna," he snapped, grabbing her arm and roughly spinning her around.

"No-," she shoved him off and backed up a few steps, anger written all over her face. "You can't just storm into my life like this anymore. I'm not your toy that you can pick up and play with when your fancy fucking rock star life bores you, Dave. I'm sorry if you think I led you on this morning, but it was clearly a mistake."

He stood stunned as she ran up the steps and slammed Jimmy's bedroom door, waking several of the sleeping party goers to greet their hangovers. Moments later she appeared again, wearing Jimmy's sweatshirt and some pajama pants, avoiding his stare as she stomped through the kitchen.

"Anna..., come on," he pleaded. This wasn't how he wanted this morning to go, at all. He watched her slam the front door behind her, then met Jimmy's stare as he stood on the stairs.

"You two back to your old routine, huh?"

Dave hung his head in defeat. The same old routine. See you in a few years, Annie.

[anotherfiveyears]

22: In My Time of Dying

Anna recoiled away from the glass of scotch Dave had given her. "Holy shit, that's terrible."

"Right?" he agreed, grimacing after taking a drink of his own. "It'll warm you up though."

She whined through another drink before he took it out of her hands. "Yeah this isn't working, Anna." She was shivering so hard that people across the kitchen could hear her teeth chattering together. Her hair and dress were soaked with melted snow and her skin was turning a bright pink.

Jimmy wandered into the kitchen still holding the shotgun and a can of beer. "Sup, fuckers?" he slurred at Dave, then turned to Anna. "Oh shit, Annie. You don't look so good."

Both Dave and Jimmy waited for one of her usual biting comebacks, but she only shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Get her upstairs and in the shower," Jimmy said, suddenly serious. "I'll get her some clothes."

He ran off into the party and Dave went to take Anna's hand, almost pulling back when he touched her ice-cold skin. "Come on," he said softly. Her arms went around his neck as he lifted her into his arms and headed for Jimmy's bedroom at the top of the steps

"Out!" he yelled into the dimly lit room where several people on the bed looked up from a game of strip poker in annoyance.

"Fuck you!" one of them yelled. "We're not moving just so you can get laid!"

"Get the fuck out!" Jimmy yelled as he ran up the steps behind them. "Anna's sick!"

She moaned pitifully through her shivering teeth and slumped her head onto Dave's shoulder. Forgetting everyone else in the room he hurried into the attached bathroom, relieved that it was empty. He could hear Jimmy clearing everyone out as he set Anna on the edge of the bathtub and began to wrap her in towels. She stayed upright long enough for him to start the faucet, but leaned back into him when he knelt in front of her.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have-"

"No-," she managed a little smile through her shaking, "No I'm okay. I'll be okay. My dress though-"

"I'll get you a new dress, Annie. I feel awful-"

Anna groaned and shrugged off the towels around her shoulders. "No- I need you to take my dress off." Those few words seemed to sap the rest of her energy and she fell forward into his shoulder again. "The zipper is on the side," she muttered.

Her breath against his neck felt like ice as he carefully peeled the velvet away from her skin. No wonder she was so cold, the black fabric in his hands was like an outrageously expensive ice pack.

"K, you're good," he said, trying to get her off his shoulder and into the warm water but she didn't respond. He leaned back and shook her shoulders, trying to wake her, but her head just lolled to the side. "Anna? ...fuck. Jimmy, get in here!"

Jimmy appeared almost immediately in the doorway while Dave laid Anna on the bathroom rug. "Shit. I'll go get Ben, he just finished med school."

Dave leaned over her, making sure she was still breathing. "Wake up, Anna. Just for a bit and then you can go back to sleep. Come on-" He looked up again when his old friend, Brad, the drummer in his first band clumsily ran into the bathroom.

"Get out, I have to take a leak- whoa. Is she okay?" he stared down at Anna with concern.

"Go piss in the fucking yard, dude!" Dave yelled at him and tossed a towel over her. She was still wearing a black strapless bra and matching lace panties, but he wasn't about to let the whole party see her like that. Ben casually slid into the bathroom holding a red cup while Jimmy shoved Brad out and closed the door.

"Damn," Ben asked, lifting Anna's hand and letting it drop on her belly. "How much did she fucking drink?"

Dave and Jimmy looked at each other and shrugged. "I gave her some scotch..." Dave started.

"She showed up pretty wasted, though," Jimmy added.

Ben thought for a moment then turned to Jimmy. "Let's try to get some coffee in her."

Jimmy took off and Ben started checking Anna's reflexes, her pulse, and her breathing. He sat back on his heels and cautiously looked up at Dave. "Did... dude, I'm not accusing you of anything here, but did you see her take any pills at all?"

Dave's head snapped up in shock. "No... she just-"

"I think someone gave her 'ludes," Ben muttered and sat back against the wall. "My very first ER patient was a Capitol Hill party girl. Some big shot gave her a fistful of pills to loosen her up and then dumped her on the curb when she passed out. Had to pump her stomach."

"All that for just a couple Quaaludes?" Dave had taken his fair share of drugs when he was in Scream, 'ludes being the tamest. "They're like sleeping pills."

"Maybe back in the 80's, but these are like borderline roofies, dude. The guys on the hill want to get laid and they don't want to wait around. Fuck, man. Of all the girls we grew up with... Anna went call girl?"

"She's not...," Dave stopped to try and think for a moment. Anna would never...

"I'd bet my Camaro that fucker she showed up with slipped them to her," Jimmy said, rushing into the bathroom with a mug of coffee.

Dave and Ben looked at each other, then at Anna. That was the only explanation that made any sense. "Does she need to go to the ER?" Dave asked, trying to think of someone downstairs that was sober enough to drive them.

"Nah," Ben shook his head. "Get her warmed up and get her to bed. Just make sure someone stays with her in case she pukes."

Dave nodded in relief and went to pick Anna up, but Ben stopped at the door. "Do not leave her alone in that tub, dude. She's borderline hypothermic and she's wasted. If she falls asleep in there, she's a goner. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

"How the hell are we gonna keep her face out of the water?" Dave asked, looking back up at his friend. "Should I get in with her?"

Jimmy snorted a laugh, "Save the romance for when she's conscious, dude. Just put some towels under her head. Here..." he gathered the discarded towels from the floor and rolled them up, soaking them in the warm bath water.

"Thanks, man," Dave said quietly.

Jimmy clapped him on the shoulder and left him alone with Anna. He took a deep breath and moved to finish undressing her, his hand hovering over the clasp of her bra, but couldn't bring himself to unhook it. He was terrified she would wake up and think he was taking advantage of her and he knew that would be the end of their friendship, no matter what he said to her.

Leaving her bra and panties in place, he picked her up and carefully set her in the warm tub, making sure her shoulders were far out of the water. He sat next to the tub and grazed the water's surface with his fingers, keeping his eyes on her face. She looked so peaceful, almost serene in the harsh bathroom light. He tried not to think about where she would be if he hadn't stopped Kevin from leaving with her. Most likely dead in an icy ditch from Kevin's shitty drunk driving, or getting her head smashed into a cheap hotel's headboard while Kevin used her like a toy.

"What the fuck, Anna," he whispered. She was so fucking smart, and yet she kept winding up with guys that were horrible to her. He let her soak until her fingertips wrinkled and her face was a healthy color pink again, then lifted her out and carried her into the bedroom.

Jimmy had laid out some clothes for her and a pile of towels, which he set her on before tackling the task of dressing her. He struggled to get her in the long sleeve shirt, swearing to himself when she kept flopping back on to the bed. The entire scenario reminded him of Tom Petty's video with Kim Basinger and he laughed a little to himself. He never did tell Anna that Tom had asked him to be in The Heartbreakers and they were one of her favorite bands. He'd have to tell her in the morning. Giving up on dressing her in the shorts, he looked over his handiwork. She lay limply on the bed, drowning in Jimmy's shirt as her wet bra soaked through the fabric. It was going to have to be good enough. He crawled into the bed next to her and started to cover her with the sheets when he spotted the tattoo on her ankle, the one he had seen a year ago in William's parent's kitchen and leaned forward to get a better look.

A simple black lined ball of yarn, pierced with two knitting needles. What the fuck? Was she some sort of closet knitter? A tribute to a grandmother he didn't know about? Maybe it was an inside joke with her dad. He leaned against the headboard next to her and stared at the tattoo until his eyelids grew heavy.

[anotherfiveyears]

21: Christmas Time (Is Here Again)

Christmas Eve 1996

"Jimmy! Shut up!" Dave hissed. Jimmy was drunkenly trying to climb Anna's old skate ramp while wearing the bottom half of a Santa costume and a ridiculous white beard. Dave was wearing the coat part of the costume while retrieving the ladder her dad always stored on the side of the garage. He hadn't seen Anna since the night she heard Everlong, but he now had enough liquid bravery in him to give her the gift he bought her back in LA over a month ago.

"Why doesn't Anna have a hot sister?" Jimmy whined, then immediately slipped off the icy ramp onto the snow bank below.

"Because her parents got it right the first time," Dave muttered, positioning the ladder just below Anna's childhood bedroom window. "Wait here." He climbed the ladder, his heart beating harder with every rung and carefully removed the window screen. Glancing down at Jimmy as he lay in the snow bank, he softly tapped on the glass as his best friend gave him thumbs up. The pink curtains swayed a little then pulled back and Dave's smile dropped when he was met with a man around his age wearing only boxers and a ferocious glare.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Dave gasped and slipped on the ladder rung, catching himself just before he fell several feet into the snow beside Jimmy.

"Who the fuck are you?" the man snapped when he ripped open the window.

"Doesn't matter who I am, who the fuck are you?" he shot back, hearing Anna's gasp from in the room.

"I'm Anne's boyfriend and I suggest you get the fuck away from-"

"Send him down here!" Jimmy yelled from his snow bank. "I'll kick his ass!"

"Kevin, stop. It's okay," Anna threw the covers back on her bed and Dave felt only a little consolation that she was wearing the ugliest flannel Christmas pajamas he had ever seen. "Just give us a minute," she said softly and gently placed her hand on Kevin's arm. He huffed and glared at Dave, ripping his shirt off the bed before leaving the room.

"What are you-"

"Boyfriend, Anna?" Dave whispered harshly.

"Yes, boyfriend," she shot back. "What are you doing?"

"Bringing you your present, but you obviously already-"

She reached out the window and took his hand. "David! You're freezing! Get in here!"

"Hi, Anna!" Jimmy called from below.

She leaned out of the window and groaned. "Hi, Jimmy! Go wait in the car, okay honey?"

He shot her some finger guns and pulled himself out of the snow, immediately slipping and falling back into the bank. His voice muffled by the snow drifted up to them, "I'm okay!"

"Oh my god. How are you two not dead yet?" she whispered and helped Dave climb through the window.

He ignored her question, still focused on the guy that was just in her bed. "Who the fuck is that guy?"

"His name is Kevin and he's really nice," she fumed, putting her hands on her hips.

"His name's Kevin and he's really nice...," Dave mocked her with a high pitched tone and rolled his eyes. "Cute jammies, by the way."

"Fuck you, Grohl," she snapped. "Why are you even here?"

He reached into the red furry coat and produced a black velvet box with a silver bow, holding it out for her to take, but she stepped back as if it might bite her.

"How... did you know I was here?" she stammered, her eyes never leaving the box.

"You always stay the night at your parent's on Christmas Eve."

She looked up at him, the surprise and worry written all over her face. Realizing she wouldn't do it on her own, he opened the box for her revealing the delicate silver bracelet with the tiny infinity symbol charm. Her hand flew to her throat as she stifled a gasp and she lightly touched the bracelet with her fingertip.

"Because you like math," he said softly. "And... you know... forever."

She stared down at it and silently nodded, gently covering his hands with hers. He was beginning to think she hated it when a tear fell on his thumb. "Sorry, Anna... I didn't realize you had someone-"

"No...," she breathed. "No, I love it. It's... wow."

He quietly closed the box and handed it to her with a weak smile. He felt like an idiot standing in her bedroom in a fucking Santa coat, giving her a gift when her boyfriend was just on the other side of the door. "I'll let you get back to sleep."

"Wait..." she took his arm and sat him at the foot of her bed before disappearing into the walk-in closet. He tried not to think about what might have been happening in that bed before he interrupted but she quickly returned with a long, narrow black box and sat beside him.

"Here, Santa."

He searched her face for a second before taking the box. She had written in silver pen on the top, her beautiful calligraphy she had learned as a teenager announcing For David, Love Anna. He opened the box and was met with a picture of him and Anna as teenagers. They were walking away from the camera, hand in hand as Anna looked up at him. Even from behind, he knew she had a smile on her face. Jimmy had taken the picture after the Scream concert in Baltimore in the summer of 85, just before he joined the band, just before he and Anna broke up. Beneath the picture three drumsticks lay together in white tissue, one was broken at the grip and the others were dented beyond playable condition.

"Are these...?"

She nodded and smiled. "I grabbed them before we left your audition with Scream. I thought maybe they'd be worth something someday," she laughed a little bit. "Maybe some museum will want them."

Dave snapped the box shut and held it to his chest. "No. Mine."

She smiled and nudged him with her elbow as she stood. "You better go make sure Jimmy isn't frozen to my quarter pipe. I don't want to have to clean him out of the gravel come spring."

He sighed begrudgingly and went to move towards the window when he heard her laugh. "You can use the door, kitten."

She led him through the house, past Kevin still seething in the kitchen, and to the front door. Through the front window, they could see Jimmy waiting in his car with the engine running and Dave could only hope he had the heater on.

"Please don't let him drive," she whispered.

Dave nodded and went to open the front door, but couldn't bring himself to turn the handle. "Do you love him?"

She furrowed her brow for a moment, "Who?"

"Kevin," he replied bitterly and nodded towards the kitchen.

She hesitated, her eyes darting to the door and back to him. "It's just really new..."

He nodded in understanding and pulled open the door, "You know I love you, right?"

"I know," she whispered. "Get home safe, okay?"

"We will. Merry Christmas, Annie."

"Merry Christmas, kitten."

**

Jimmy's house was packed with people holding red cups. There were kegs in the kitchen sink, in a kiddy pool in the dining room, in a trash can in the garage and one in the bathtub upstairs. Dave and Jimmy were stationed next to the one in the garage, staring at a group of girls who were all waiting their turn to be lifted into the air for a keg stand. A tall girl with deep black hair and ripped Scream shirt made her way over with an equally gorgeous blonde, stopping just in front of the two with coy smiles on their faces.

"Hey stranger," the tall one purred and put her arm around Dave as if they were old friends.

He looked to Jimmy, but he was too busy with the blonde to notice so he shrugged and decided to go along with it.

"Nice shirt," he said, keeping his eyes on her chest as he took a drink of his beer.

"Yeah, I used to hang out with-" she was interrupted by a familiar voice and Dave swore under his breath. Anna stood just feet away wearing a men's suit jacket and a pair of heels.

"Amy?" she gasped.

"Annie?" the girl squealed and ran at Anna, throwing her arms around her old friend.

"Goddamnit," Dave groaned. He watched Anna blatantly ignore him and walk with Amy back into the house. Jimmy was already making out with the blonde so Dave cut his losses and went inside.

He walked right into Kevin who was holding court among his other equally irritating frat buddies. They were all in suits and their girls were in gowns, indicating they had been in the city at some fancy-ass New Years gala and had bailed to find some real fun. The entire group turned as one and glared at Dave as he tried to skirt past them to the kitchen.

"Hey, Rock Star!" one of them heckled, trying to gain his attention, but Dave just rolled his eyes and weaved his way around them. Fuck off, he thought. I could give a shit if you assholes buy my records.

Finally in the kitchen, he located the cabinet where the harder alcohol was kept and poured himself several fingers of scotch, which was terrible quality and tasted like jet fuel, but it got the job done. He went to see if anything fun was happening upstairs and made it to the second step before Anna appeared at the top.

"Oh, come on," Dave whined, throwing his free hand up in the air.

She had discarded the suit jacket with Kevin and was wearing a skin-tight black velvet dress with jeweled straps and low back, and Dave was pissed. She had no right showing up to his best friend's house with her new boyfriend wearing that dress.

"Jesus christ, sorry," she huffed, bouncing down the stairs towards him. "I didn't realize I was intruding on your little punk rock harem."

"Smart ass," he shot at her, causing her to stop when they were shoulder to shoulder. He noticed she was wearing a large diamond pendant around her neck and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Asshole," she shot back.

"You knew I'd be here," he accused.

"Yeah," a ghost of a smile pulled at her red lips and she reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, showing off the bracelet he had given her a week ago. "That's why I wore this dress."

She lightly bumped her shoulder into his and left him in the staircase, her stiletto pumps clicking loudly on the tile floor of the kitchen.

Abandoning any idea of fun upstairs, Dave retreated to the driveway to smoke and think. He stood next to a tall, wood fence that surrounded the backyard and lit his cigarette, idly listening to a group of guys on the other side smoke weed and discuss their girlfriends.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me. Probably on her birthday. I've already got my grandma's ring and my mom knows all the wedding dress designers. Bitches love that kind of stuff."

"Fuck that, dude. There are so many women here! You could pick the hottest one and she'd definitely blow you in the back of that car of yours."

The first guy laughed smugly. "I know, I know. But I'm 28 and I need to find a wife before the election season starts. Anne is fucking hot and her mom's connected on The Hill so she's the obvious choice. The wedding will be all over the DC society pages this summer, just you wait."

Dave found himself pressed against the fence, hanging on every word.

"Yeah, but-"

"I'll fuck all the other bitches after the wedding. Anne's too traditional to get a divorce. She's the perfect submissive trophy wife. She's a great lay, too. Pretty sure she'll let me do-"

Dave shoved off the fence and went to find her. She may hate him, but she needed to know what she was getting herself into. He spent fifteen minutes searching all over the house, barging into bedrooms and bathrooms, pissing off several other partygoers before seeing Jimmy at the bottom of the stairs with his arms firmly around the same blonde as earlier.

"Jimmy! Where's Anna?"

Jimmy shrugged and tried to lean the blonde against the wall, but she was too drunk to stand. "She just left with Kevin. They were both super wasted."

Shit. He ran down the steps, skipping two at a time and shoved several people aside, ripping open the front door so hard that it smashed into the drywall behind it. He skidded and slipped across the snowy lawn and in the direct path of Kevin's gold Mercedes just as he put it into gear.

"Get out of the fucking way!" Kevin yelled and honked the horn, but Dave stood firm on the icy road in front of them.

He squinted into the headlights and could see Anna's panicked face, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the dashboard as she spoke to Kevin. "Come on, Annie," he whispered to himself. "Get out of the car, baby."

Kevin's attention turned from Dave to Anna. They were clearly arguing about something with Kevin growing more and more agitated as she spoke. He reared back as if to slap Anna and Dave lunged forward, hitting the hood of the car so loudly that it startled its occupants. Kevin's hand connected with the steering wheel instead of Anna's face as he yelled muffled threats through the windshield at him and revved the engine. Dave held his ground, watching as Anna broke the pendant free from her neck and threw it at Kevin's head before kicking open her door.

"... the most insufferable, self centered, boring man I have ever met!" she screamed as she climbed out of the car. "And you couldn't find a g-spot if it had a neon fucking arrow pointing at it!"

Once she was safely on the lawn, Dave felt himself breathing a bit easier, but Kevin was now ripping his own door open and storming towards her. "Anne, I won't tolerate this kind of behavior-"

"Get back in your car and leave, dude," Dave called over the Mercedes. He struggled to stay upright on the ice while moving towards Anna, worried he wouldn't make it to her before Kevin did.

"Fuck you," Kevin yelled from the back of the Mercedes. "Get a real fucking job, you hippy."

"What, so he can be a 'future senator' like you?" Anna spat. "You're just a glorified coffee bitch for a low ranked representative, Kevin."

"Get back in the fucking car, Anne," Kevin yelled, now on the snowy lawn and trudging towards her.

"I wouldn't get back in that fucking piece of shit if you paid- oof-" Anna's back hit the snow as Dave tackled her, holding her body under his while Jimmy pointed his father's shotgun up into the air and pulled the trigger. She ducked into his chest and held him tightly as the boom echoed off the surrounding houses.

"Go back to Georgetown, motherfucker!" Jimmy yelled and leveled the spent shotgun directly at Kevin.

He scrambled on the ice, falling a few times in a flurry of swears and expensive suit pieces before dragging himself upright again using the car door. "You're ruined, Anne! You could have been the First Lady, but you fucked it up!" Once inside his car, he tried to speed away, but his tires just spun on the ice.

"You really know how to pick 'em, Annie," Dave muttered, still holding her tightly underneath him while watching over his shoulder as Kevin inched away.

"My mother actually picked that one," she replied, her teeth chattering and her lips blue even through her red lipstick. "Who the hell let Jimmy have a gun?"

"Come on," he laughed and moved to sit up, just as the party behind them began to chant.

"Five! Four! Three! ..."

Anna grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him back to her, kissing him hard as the countdown ended and the party behind them exploded into cheers. She giggled when he planted an extra kiss on her forehead.

"Happy New Year, Annie."

"Happy New Year, kitten."

[anotherfiveyears]

20: For You Blue

*Virginia, The day before Thanksgiving 1996*

He pulled his rental car into the parking lot of the little strip mall in Alexandria and nervously shoved a couple pieces of gum in his mouth. The clock on the dashboard clicked over to 5:55 and he took the uniformity as a good enough omen to brave entering the record store.

The bells jingled happily above the door, intensifying his butterflies and her voice drifted from the back room. "Be right there!"

He darted to the Rock section, keeping his back to her when she emerged from the back room carrying a box of Christmas decorations. "Can I help you find anything?"

"Yeah, you guys have that new Goo Fighters yet?" he tried not to laugh as he stared up at a promo poster of him and the band from a photo shoot he didn't even remember being at.

"Foo Fighters or Goo Goo Dolls?" he could hear the twinge of irritation in her voice as she made her way over and turned to watch her flip through a stack of records. "The last Goo Goo Dolls was released a few years back, but the Foo Fighters..." she found his first album and held it up, gasping in shock when she finally looked at his face. "Goddamnit, David! You are such an asshole!" she cried.

"Happy to see you too, Annie," he laughed and dragged her to him, hugging her tightly and hoping he didn't have to let go.

"You cut your fucking hair!" she exclaimed, running her fingers through his chopped cut.

"Do you like it?"

"Um..." she wrinkled her nose a bit but giggled. "I think it's going to take some getting used to."

"Good enough," he decided, trying to hide his frown when she wiggled out of his arms. "Need help closing up?"

"Sure! You remember what to do?"

He nodded and let her take the cash tray in the back before moving behind the counter. Finding himself facing a wall covered in posters, pictures and other random memorabilia of his, he spotted a frame holding a collage of ticket stubs and pictures. Several Scream, Nirvana, and even two Foo Fighters stubs were positioned over pictures of Anna and her Dad, both of them happily smiling in front of the lit stage where Dave was performing. He heard Anna returning to the front and crouched to shut off the stereo.

"This is new," he said, tilting his head at the wall.

"Yeah, Dad's a big fan," she said simply and put the cash tray back in the register.

"I wish I would have known you were there..."

Anna leaned against the counter with a raised eyebrow, daring him to go on. He sensed her irritation and leaned against the wall, copying his cheesy grin on the poster behind him. "Can I take you to dinner?"

"I don't know, kitten," she replied with a half smile. "Can you?" Her eyes drifted to the silver band on his ring finger.

Fuck. He had meant to leave it in the car, but he had been too eager to see her. "As friends."

She snorted a laugh and tossed her keys at him, "Here, you drive. I just have to lock up."

Perfect. He hurried to her car and slipped into the driver's seat, pulling the demo tape from his pocket and shoving it into the car's stereo. He switched it to the CD player just as she hopped into the passenger seat with a bright smile. "So where are we going?"

*

"Sorry I couldn't make it to the west coast," she sighed and flopped onto the bar stool. "The holidays are just insane at work. Especially now that Clinton won again."

"Maybe you can come over in January," Dave replied, dragging a bar stool close to hers. He had taken her to a tiny dive bar that he and Jimmy frequented. It wasn't fancy, but he knew he wouldn't be recognized or bothered there.

She laughed a little and leaned her elbows on the bar. "I think I'm still hungover from your last birthday, David."

"Yeah, I think we both had a good time that night," he said quietly.

"So, how long are you here for?" she asked, trying to appear casual as she took her beer glass from the bartender, but he caught her smile.

"I have to be back in the studio January third."

Her eyebrows shot up as she took a drink. "That's a long break! Aren't you guys under a deadline?"

"Yeah," he sighed, "but the sessions are tougher than I thought they'd be."

"How so?"

"I don't know," he sighed and sat back in his chair. "It's so different than with Kurt and Krist or when it was just me and Barrett. Now these guys all look to me for direction and I have no idea how to give it without sounding like an asshole."

"Aren't you the one that writes all the songs?"

"Yeah, but..."

"They're just asking for guidance on how to play what's in your brain," she laughed and shook her head. "Your poor brain."

He stared at her profile, marveling at her obvious answer. That's exactly what he had done with Kurt when they recorded. His job was to interpret what was in Kurt's disaster of a mind and play the drums accordingly, why didn't he see it sooner? Between the divorce and the stress of the record, he felt in a fog. There hadn't been a neutral party around him in so long, someone that wasn't a band member or someone that didn't depend on him for a living and it was beginning to kill the pleasure in making music. Anna suddenly burst out laughing, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What's so funny?" He had forgotten how contagious her laugh was.

"Your fucking hair, David! Oh my god," she giggled.

They spent the rest of the evening sharing plates of fried bar food and beer, laughing about their younger days and talking about whatever was going on in their lives. Dave feigned ordering another beer at the rail so he could pay without her protesting, though he knew she saw right through him. She even leaned into him as they walked back to her car and he instinctively put his arm around her, wondering if maybe she would ask him to come home with her. Just as he was about to open her car door for her, he heard her stifle a laugh and felt her hand in his pocket, then she was gone in a breeze of giggles. He chased after her, catching her arm just as she made it to the driver's side door and pressed her into it. He held up the $20 she had shoved in his pocket before tucking it into her coat. She tried to glare, but couldn't keep a straight face.

"Sometimes I forget how much I miss you," she giggled.

"You should teach me how to forget cause I miss you all the fucking time."

*

Dave threw her car into park back at the record shop and sat back in the driver's seat. He wanted to talk to her more, just spend a little more time with her before they had to go their separate ways. Anna had held his hand all the way back from the bar, seemingly lost in her own head as she wasn't as talkative as usual.

"You okay?" he asked cautiously.

Her head snapped up and she forced a little smile. "Yes, just fine. Thanks for surprising me tonight. I had fun." Before he could reply, she was out of the car.

She reached out to brush her hand against his as they crossed paths in the beam of the headlights and quickly slid behind the steering wheel. He spun around and followed her, his heart in his throat knowing she was about to listen to his demo tape.

"Wait, Anna," he held the driver's side door open and leaned across her to switch the stereo from CD to tape. The tape clicked over and he knew he had exactly twelve seconds to say goodbye to her. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Of course," she nodded, confused by his behavior. "I'll be at my parent's all day."

"Great." He quickly kissed her forehead and shut the door, hearing the first riff of the song when he climbed into his own car.

Dave rolled his window down and watched her, knowing just by the look on her face that she was absorbing his words. She stared straight ahead at the circles her headlights made against the brick building, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. The song built and faded, then ended as she sat motionless. He began to fidget thinking she hated it, maybe she would think he was making fun of her, maybe he shouldn't have ever recorded the song when she finally appeared at his open window. Her face was neutral, maybe a little stunned when she took a breath.

"It's not even a word," she breathed.

He barked a laugh, that's what everyone said when they heard it for the first time. "Not unless you're leaving voicemails after half a rack of beer."

She gave him a forced smile and stepped back a little, "Will you come talk to me for a bit?"

"Yeah, sure," he said quietly, now totally convinced she hated the song. She was going to be so pissed when he told her it made it to the record.

Anna unlocked the record shop and the bells chimed loudly into the silence. She let him lock the door, putting distance between them as she hurried to the counter. They kept the lights off as the light from the back room was enough for them to see, but still hide any emotion they couldn't keep from their faces. Leaning her back against the counter, she faced him with a deadly serious voice. "How much of it is about me?"

"The song or the record?" he winced when her eyes went wide and she spun away from him to hide her face in her hands. "Just two songs, Anna," he lied.

"David!"

"Okay, fine. Four. Maybe five." It was six, but he wasn't about to tell her that now.

She took in a sharp breath and pushed off the counter, unable to look at him as she walked into the back. He found her in the stock room, sitting on an empty vinyl crate with her head in her hands.

"Anna..."

"No, David," she said sharply. "No."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Oh, I don't know," she snapped. "Not write about my personal life for public fucking consumption?"

"No one's going to know it's you," he insisted, sitting across from her on another crate.

"Bullshit!" she cried. "You don't think there aren't entire teams of journalists out there trying to dig up dirt on you?"

His stomach dropped. "Have they gotten to you?"

She only stared at him, her lips a thin line.

"You know, most girls would love to have a song written about them," he regretted his words as soon as he said them, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Oh, dear," she cooed sarcastically. "Am I not showing enough gratitude-"

"... Anna," he warned.

"- for having my love life broadcast all over the world? My apologies, oh great one... Have I angered the mighty rock god? Was a virgin sacrifice not good enough?"

He sat back, her words feeling like a slap in the face. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her. He had been looking forward to being with Anna for weeks, they were having so much fun earlier, but he had managed to ruin everything with a four minute song.

"Can you just understand why I wrote them?"

"Yeah! I mean, why would you ever keep something that private from the masses?"

"Cut the sarcasm, Anna."

"Cut the song, David."

He jumped off the crate, startling Anna enough that she fell backward. He grabbed her arm and hauled her to her feet, gritting his teeth in anger. "What am I supposed to do? You're all I think about anymore, you're... Fuck, Anna! Everyone is on my back telling me I need to write something with meaning and then when I do, the only person I care about fucking hates it."

"I'm not-" she forced herself out of his arms and took a step back from him. "I didn't say I hated it. The song is beautiful, but you're fucking married, David! I don't want to be the other woman. Don't do that to me."

"It's already over, Anna! How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"You still go back to her, David. You live with her, you wear your wedding ring when I'm not around. For all I know, she's waiting for you at your mom's house right now. And when the record is released and people start digging, they'll find out it's me. Please... don't do this to me."

[anotherfiveyears]

19: The Long and Winding Road

*Seattle, Three Days Later*

He staggered in the front door, slamming it closed behind him to let Jen know he was home from where ever she was in the house. He hated that house. It was too big, too modern, too impersonal, but she had insisted it was what she wanted and he had convinced himself that his wife should have it. She should have everything she wanted, even though she couldn't be asked to pick him up at the fucking airport. Walking past their massive wedding portrait in the foyer and into the kitchen, he rummaged through the fridge for something to eat. Finding only beer, soda and well past their prime tomatoes, he gave up and settled on water. He was considering ordering pizza when he found himself staring at a note stuck to the white fridge door just inches from his nose.

Staying at a friend's for a bit. Need some time to think. –Jen

Dave swiped the note from its magnet and ambled outside onto the wooden deck that overlooked the wooded hill and Lake Washington far below. He pulled out his lighter and lit the edge of her note, watching as her handwriting bent and curled in the consuming flames before turning to ash. Tossing the burning paper at his feet, he stomped out the flames and went to call his lawyer.    

*

*Late October 1996*

"Why is this never fucking easy?" Dave groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Pat sat next to him, calmly adjusting the faders on the board in front of them in an attempt to make ''February Stars" sound coherent. "You mean beyond the obvious?" he asked, lifting the drum track above the rest so they could hear the ill timing.

Dave only glared at the board. He still hadn't decided what he was going to do about William and he had been back at Bear Creek for a week. Nate had agreed to keep things quiet in exchange for Dave scheduling his sessions apart from William's to let things cool down a bit and there was a lame apology voicemail that William had left Kate, but other than that it was business as usual on the drummer's end. It was taking everything Dave had in him to keep his promise to Anna that he wouldn't put his fist through William's teeth.

"The vibe here is shit now," Pat announced, waving his hands over his head. "It's tainted and ugly... rotting from the inside-"

"Yeah, okay, I get it," Dave said sharply. He had been on edge since leaving Virginia, upping his cigarette intake by almost a pack a day and suffering through intense tension headaches that never seemed to fully go away. Jen was home again, but they had only spoken once about a water bill and Anna was now two thousand miles away. He was beginning to feel lost.

"I'm just saying if you want me to studio hunt when I'm in LA, I can do that. Sound City can book us tomorrow," Pat offered.

Dave flinched and grabbed his cigarettes off the board. "Anywhere but Sound City," he muttered and retreated to the driveway.    

*

*LA, early November*

"I feel like I'm caught between him and Nate," Dave sighed. He stared at the water-stained ceiling in his hotel room and wondered if he should just go to Virginia for the holidays and skip Seattle. He had just made arrangements to finish the record at a studio in LA and had purposefully scheduled a long holiday break for everyone.

"I wouldn't worry about Nate," Anna's voice sounded so far away. "I think he'd be just as happy to see William quit as you would be."

"Yeah, I just don't want to have to scramble to find a drummer before a major tour." He was already reeling from Pat quitting a few days prior in an epic blowup that resulted in his guitarist leaving the party they were at with Jennifer on his arm. They had managed to come to a civil agreement where Pat would stay on until they could find a replacement, but Dave had to promise he would hurry the divorce along. Things were tense in the band, but it was Dave's own fault.

"I won't say I told you so..." Anna laughed. "Did that one guy not work out? That drummer from LA?"

"No, he's just networking for me. He's already in Alanis Morrisette's band."

"Fuck," Anna laughed. "I know you were in Nirvana and all, but you can't really beat that gig."

For the first time in what felt like several days Dave laughed, too. "Yeah, Nate would definitely bail if Taylor joined. He thinks Taylor is a fucking spaz."

"But he likes you!"

"In small doses, Anna. Can you imagine being stuck with two of me in a tour bus for days on end?"

"Ugh," she groaned. "I'd be homicidal."

"I'm hanging out with Taylor tonight so if I don't call you in the next couple days it's because we're in jail." He heard the familiar sounds of the record store till slamming shut and felt his face ache from grinning so much. "How's the shop?"

"Good!" she said happily. "Dad is patiently waiting for his new Foo Fighters display to add to the 'Dave Shrine'."

"Tell me what he wants and I'll make sure he's the first to get it."

"You're sweet," she said softly.

"Are you too busy to come to LA for a bit?" he asked.

"I don't know, kitten. You still married?"

"I'm working on it," he promised. He just wanted to see Anna to remember what it felt like to love someone. The divorce was in progress but kept running into legal roadblocks due to his wealth, a hazard he was warned about before the wedding, but ignored on the grounds that he thought he and Jen would be together forever. He hadn't even seen Jennifer since the party when she left with Pat and he knew he couldn't blame her, he had been awful to her. He had loved her once, but it seemed like so long ago that he couldn't remember how or why.

"I'm here if you need me," Anna said gently.

"And I'm waiting here for you."

She laughed a little and relented. "Dad will be more than happy to send me your way. I'll ask my boss at The Kennedy Center if he can swing me a few days."

"Thanks, Annie."    

*

There were three missed calls from Jimmy and an unknown Virginia number along with two voicemails, which was a little worrisome since his friend rarely if ever left voicemails. Dave ducked out of the bar and found a quiet fire escape to listen to the messages, his anxiety growing as he punched in his passcode. The initial noise was blasting music and laughter, clearly Jimmy was at some party as he always was. There was a scuffling sound and Jimmy's voice telling someone to take the phone, then Anna's laugh. He was surprised when the sound stole his breath and made him grab the wall for balance. He had just talked to her a few hours ago, what the hell was going on?

Did he answer? she asked

Then Jimmy again, No, it's voicemail.

Shit, Jimmy! I'm not leaving him a fucking voicemail!

The computerized voice declared that the next voicemail was recorded just minutes ago and clicked over to playback. He held his breath, hoping it was her.

Hey kitten, it's Anna. I know you're busy with the band and married, so I hope this doesn't cause any drama but... she paused to clear her throat and Dave braced himself for whatever was next. But I've been thinking a lot about what you said today and I just want you to know that... well, I'm here... waiting for you, too. She laughed a little and he could just see her smile in his mind. Sorry, I'm so fucking drunk, but I have to get this out of my head. I've tried to move on and see other guys, but they're just not... they don't... they're not you. So I guess I'm gonna wait here for you, man. For a long... forev... everlong... that's not a fucking word. Okay, now that I've completely embarrassed myself, I'm gonna hang up. Bye, kitten.

He stood fixed to the spot as the computerized voice asked if he wanted to delete or save his messages. It asked a third time and he stiffly saved both before going to find Taylor.

[anotherfiveyears]

18: Ten Years Gone

"Where's your bag, son?" Bobby called from behind his car where he was loading Anna's bag into the trunk.

"Don't have one," David shrugged, shutting the car door after helping Anna into the front seat. "It was kind of a last minute trip." He felt Bobby's large hand on his shoulder and he before he knew what was happening, Bobby had pulled him into a bear hug. They hadn't seen each other in ten years and Bobby had aged accordingly. His hair was more grey than brown and his laugh lines were deeper, indicating he never once lost his sense of humor over the years.

"Glad to have you back," was all the massive man said.

"Glad to be back, sir," he replied, jumping a little at Bobby's booming laugh.

"You've got to quit with that 'sir' business, David. Makes you sound like a fucking jarhead."

The drive from Washington National Airport to Anna's house was mercifully short and Dave felt like his heart would bolt straight from his chest when he saw her old neighborhood. None of it had changed, the landscaping was still neatly trimmed and the American flags flew proudly from front porches. Her house was no different, even her old skate ramps were propped on the side of the garage waiting for her to come home. Anna's mother was on the front steps, clutching a tissue and already weeping at the sight of her daughter much worse for wear. Anna was hustled inside while David and Bobby busied themselves with her one bag to give the women some space. Bobby sat on the porch swing while Dave leaned against the railing, staring down at his shoes.

"I hated the way Anna ended things with you," Bobby said suddenly, making Dave look up. "I always wanted to tell her she was making a mistake, but you can't tell that girl otherwise once she's got her head on a certain way. She didn't want to hold you back."

Dave could only muster a shrug and pretend like it didn't still bother him.

"But I knew you'd make it," Bobby went on, "I don't think anyone expected you to go as far as you did, but you're doing a damn fine job."

"Thank you," he said simply. The five-hour flight from Seattle had given him time to prepare for the inevitable small talk since Anna had slept on his shoulder most of the way, but he still wanted to get her out of there and settled in her new place.

"You have that drive," Bobby went on, "that thing that one needs to make it out there... and I'm so sorry about your friend."

Dave looked back down, letting his hair fall in his face as he nodded a thank you.

"Now I know you're Dave out in the big, wide world, but here at the Bredon's, you're still David. Is that okay?"

Dave felt his smile return, feeling right at home again.

*

"When the hell did you get this?" David asked as Anna handed him the keys to her brand new BMW.

"Graduation gift," she smiled and nodded at her parents who were waving goodbye from the front porch.

"Incentive to come back home, huh?" Dave turned the ignition and noticed the car only had twelve miles on it. "Have you driven this yet?"

She carefully shook her head. "When I'm feeling better," she explained.

Dave followed the directions Bobby had given him to Anna's new place and stopped in front of a Georgian style brick townhome. They were told it was an apartment in Alexandria, but they were staring at a townhome in Rosemont which was easily a grand more in rent a month.

"Wow," David whistled when they swung the heavy wooden door open to the smell of fresh paint. There was a little foyer with dark wood floors and warm beige walls that opened into a living room, dining room and kitchen. A set of stairs was just off the dining room leading to what he assumed were bedrooms.

"Yep," Anna grumbled. "And it's just down the road from The Pentagon."

"You gonna start working for The Man now?" he teased.

She laughed at that and tried to hide the flinch when her cut lip protested. "No, Mom got a job there once the Senator kicked the bucket. She's been there a few years now."

"So what are the jobs you had lined up?" Dave opened the pantry when they wandered into the kitchen and almost laughed when he saw it was already stocked with her favorite food.

"Assistant to the assistant of the House Whip, Democrat of course, or the assistant to the assistant of acoustics at The Kennedy Center."

"What?" Dave spun around at the mention of acoustics. "How did you nail that gig?"

"I have a masters in Music Theory, David," she said quietly.

He stared at her as she walked up the steps, feeling like a complete idiot. He had never once asked her what she taking in school, he just assumed it was calculus or English or one of those AP classes she was so focused on when they were teenagers. Music had never once occurred to him. He followed her up the steps and found her sitting at the foot of her bed, staring at herself in the dresser mirror across from her.

"Anna? You okay?"

"Mmmhmm!" she hummed and patted the spot next to her. "What are you going to do when you get back?"

He flopped down on the bed next to her. "Finish the album. The label has been down our throats about getting it done and the producer... I love the guy, but fuck he's pushing me."

"Pushing you to do what?"

"Write something meaningful. The last album was mostly stuff I had written in Nirvana, the rest of it was just random material. I feel like the rest of the guys are just waiting for me to fuck it all up."

She looked down at her hands as the subject of 'the other guys'- William included- hovered over them, "Please don't-"

"Anna, I'm going to kick his fucking face in," he jumped up from the bed and raked his hair back, knowing the dam had now burst.

"No, please-," she pleaded, scooting to the edge of the bed as best she could.

"Look at you!" he yelled, waving an arm at her broken wrist. "How can I-"

"Because I'm asking you not to."

"Anna-"

"Do you remember the reason we broke up in the first place?"

He turned away from her and pressed his palms into the top of the dresser, bracing himself for what she was about to say.

"I refuse to be the reason you lose a drummer in the middle of an album, just before you're supposed to promote and tour. You don't have to step in and avenge anything," she rolled her eyes a little at the thought. "You know damn well I wouldn't have even told you about this if I didn't have to. Helping me get home and away from the situation was all I needed."

William was already out of a job in Dave's mind, he'd just have to get creative when it came to officially kicking him out of the lineup. "Okay," he muttered. "Heaven forbid I make this worse for you."

He felt her arms around his waist and looked up at her in the mirror when she rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Thanks, kitten."

*

Dave left Anna to unpack her bag and settle into her new place while he borrowed her BMW to visit his mom. He went immediately to the fridge as he always did, digging through it to grab a can of soda and a handful of grapes. Leaning against the kitchen sink, he spotted his mom out in the yard weeding a garden bed and headed out to say hello.

"Hey, mom!"

"David!" she looked up in shock. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged and strolled across the lawn, smiling at the swing set he and his sister had played on as kids. "Just needed a break from the west coast."

She stood and brushed the dirt off her jeans before hugging her son tightly. "Well, it's the best surprise I've had in a long time, honey. Is Jennifer with you?"

He immediately looked down at the grass and sighed, "Can we talk?"

[anotherfiveyears]

17: Baby Come On Home

"Why the Day-Glo purple?" Dave asked, nodding to Anna's cast on her right wrist. They were waiting in mid-morning traffic on the I5, the Space Needle just to the west and Seatac further to the south.

She laughed a little then winced, touching her cut lip softly with her other hand. "The nurses kept coming in to gawk at me," she explained. "I think they expected me to choose black because what beaten woman wants a bright purple cast?" She forced another giggle, but it was short-lived.

He smiled only because he knew she wanted him to and reached over to hold her hand. They hadn't directly discussed what had happened with William and he sensed she wasn't going to bring it up, so he would just have to patient. As promised, he spent the night before in his office with the door locked, booking Anna a first class ticket back to DC and angrily destroying his hearing with the loudest metal he could blast through his headphones.

"I hope I'm not causing you any trouble," she said quietly.

"Not at all," he muttered, distracted by the semi-truck trying to merge in front of them.

"You're not wearing your ring."

He felt his heart pick up speed. "Things have been... weird for a while now."

"Oh," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I would have thought you'd be halfway through those eight kids by now."

He laughed a little and turned his car onto the SeaTac exit. "No, turns out that's only a promise I made to you, Anna."

*

"Thanks for dropping me off," Anna said, watching him pull her bag from the trunk of his car.

He only smiled and ignored her outstretched hand, throwing her bag over his shoulder and walking past the sliding glass doors. He knew SeaTac airport better than his own home, having flown in and out of it what felt like hundreds of times in the past five or six years. Heading straight toward the gate that was on Anna's ticket, he waited for her at the bottom of the escalator with a smug grin.

"You don't have to walk me all the way there," she insisted.

"I know. I want to, though."

They breezed through the metal detectors and made it to her gate with a few minutes to spare. Anna sat gingerly down in a black vinyl chair and winced when she leaned back. Dave set her bag at her feet, trying to pretend like he hadn't noticed. He still hadn't decided what he was going to do about Will, but he was happy he had Anna as a distraction to keep him from going ballistic in the meantime.

"So what's waiting for you at home?" he asked awkwardly.

She forced a grin and folded her arms across her chest. "Mom and Dad found me a place and I have a couple jobs lined up. It'll be nice to be home for the holidays for once."

"You're not going back to the record shop?" he teased. Just thinking about that place put him in a better mood.

"I'm sure Dad will make me work the weekends," she giggled.

They called for her flight to begin boarding and she sighed heavily while picking up her bag. He stood between her and the gate, a hopeful smile on his face when he noticed the small crowd gathering behind her.

"Thanks again, David," she said softly. "For being here for me... it means a lot."

He wanted to kiss her, tell her that he would be there for her no matter what, but he had already been recognized and people were staring. "Have a safe flight, okay? Call me when you get back home... maybe swing by my mom's and tell her I'm behaving myself."

She laughed as best she could and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'd never lie to your mother like that, kitten."

They called for last boarding and she reached out to squeeze his arm before walking around him to the gate. She disappeared down the ramp and he nearly lost his breath at how badly it hurt to watch her go.

*

Anna stared down at the first class seat, silently scolding herself for letting David book her ticket. Of course he'd put her in first class, she should have known. The flight attendant helped her stow her bag and she settled into the window seat, untangling the wire of her headphones from the metal headband so she could listen to her CD player. She felt the air change in the cabin when the doors closed and sealed, but the plane remained stationary at the gate long enough that Anna was beginning to wonder if something was wrong. Peering out the oval window back at the wings, she felt the cabin air pressure shift again, then seconds later David dropped into the empty aisle seat next to her.

"Sorry," he said between catching his breath. "I was feeling really homesick all of a sudden."    

[anotherfiveyears]

16: Blackbird

Fuck. How could he have missed it? She was cagey, she was scared, she was the fucking textbook after-school-special abused girlfriend and he didn't see it. Fuck! He slammed his palm against the steering wheel as he raced down I5. Nate sat in the passenger seat, gripping the door for dear life and sputtering questions.

"Wait - you were with Anna for how long?"

"Almost a year back when we were kids," he explained through clenched teeth. It was killing him to put distance between himself and William, who needed his face rearranged, but he needed to see Anna.

"Why didn't either of you-"

"Because-," Dave shouted, then took a calming breath to lower his voice. "Because there may still be some feelings... there."

"On your end or hers?" Nate turned in his seat to face him, unable to watch the road any longer.

Dave considered this for a moment. He definitely had feelings for her, but he hadn't seen Anna in so long that he knew he couldn't speak for her. "Probably just mine," he decided.

"So things aren't getting better with Jen? I thought you were trying to have a baby."

Dave suddenly felt dizzy and the road in front of them blurred. The air left his lungs in a rush as he choked out, "Trying to what?"  

Nate cleared his throat, realizing he may have revealed too much. "Jen mentioned something to Kate the other day when we were at dinner. She said she was trying to get pregnant... Dude, I thought you knew."

Dave jerked the steering wheel, pulling the car to the side of an off-ramp. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, his mouth was bone dry and he felt cold and hot all at the same time. "You have to drive, man," he choked out.

After several cigarettes and a bottle of water he found rolling around on the floor, Dave was able to register that they were sitting in Nate's driveway. Kate stood next to the car wringing her hands while Nate gently explained the situation to her.

"Dave?"

He jerked his head up at Kate's voice. "Hey, Katie," he croaked.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked, carefully placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Is Jennifer...?" He knew if she was pregnant he would have to walk away from Anna forever. He just couldn't trust himself around her.

"Not that I know of," Kate shook her head. "But I think she would tell me right away if she was."

He only nodded, relieved that there was no firm evidence. He followed Kate through her little Queen Anne house only hearing every other word she was saying.

She insists... an accident... never seen her so scared... won't press charges...

Anna was sound asleep in the guest bed even though it was late afternoon. Her lip was split and there was a bit of dried blood under her nose, but she otherwise looked peaceful. Dave went to sit on the bed next to her when Kate stopped him. "Her cast," she whispered. "Be careful of her arm."

Desperately tamping down his rage, he knelt next to the bed and tucked a stray hair off Anna's forehead. She didn't wake, just sighed and rolled onto her back exposing her torn shirt and the cast covering her right wrist.

"She wants to go home," Kate whispered from the doorway. "Nate's going over to Will's tonight to get the rest of her things."

Dave only nodded and stood up from the side of the bed, not trusting himself enough to speak quietly anymore.

"I'll take her home," he said once they were back in the kitchen with Nate. "And I'm going with you to Will's."

Nate and Kate shared a look. "I think that's a really bad idea, man," Nate said quietly. "Let's get Anna taken care of before addressing the Will thing."

Dave knew he was right, but that didn't stop him from imagining every way he was going to ruin Will's life.

*

He slammed the garage door as hard as he could, listening to the decorative vases Jen had above the kitchen counters rattle as she darted into the room.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Studio," he said simply, snatching the phone off the kitchen counter and storming past her to his office.

"What are you doing?" she called after him, jogging to keep up as he headed to the basement steps.

"Making a fucking phone call, Jen! What does it look like?"

She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. "I thought we could spend some time together for once."

Dave noticed she was wearing a tight black skater dress with a matching choker and black boots. He felt his heart slam in his chest at the memory of Anna and him in LA so many years ago. "Now's not a good time," he mumbled.

"It's never a good time, Dave," she retorted and turned on her heel.

"Oh, Jen?" he called after her. "I saw Kate today."

She stopped short and kept her back to him, but he saw her flinch. "And?"

"I'm going to sleep in my office tonight."