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ansel-smellgort · 7 years ago

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Ravenclaws probably have, overall as a house, the worst grades in the school tbh.

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ansel-smellgort · 7 years ago

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🚨This is a Red Alert for net neutrality 🚨

Last December, the FCC voted to to kill net neutrality. If we do not take action, this will kill the free and open internet as we know it. The internet needs you—all of you—to make sure your voices are heard NOW.

We need all hands on deck for this one. It may be our last chance. If you’re feeling under-informed and overwhelmed about why net neutrality is so incredibly important, we have this handy guide just for you.

Here’s what you can do to save the internet:

In mid-May, the Senate will vote on a resolution to overrule the FCC using the Congressional Review Act (CRA). We only need one more vote in the Senate to win. Write or call your Senators or Representatives. You can also text BATTLE to 384-387 to get more information on how to write to your reps. You can do this, Tumblr.

Join us and dozens of your other favorite companies like Etsy, Vimeo, Reddit, and GitHub to raise awareness with the Red Alert campaign being run by Battle for the Net. Just add this small widget to your Tumblr to let your followers know how they can contact their reps. It’s as easy as copying and pasting the small line of code right into the customize theme page on the web.

This is important. This matters. It’s up to you to help.

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ansel-smellgort · 7 years ago

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big = FAT dick

no offense but like… why are people obsessed with king kong and godzilla

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ansel-smellgort · 7 years ago

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The only thing flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.

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ansel-smellgort · 7 years ago

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ajit senpai

#net neutrality #ajit pai

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ansel-smellgort · 8 years ago

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prom - peter parker

you frowned at the mirror, frustrated with your hair. you pulled it up, trying to discern whether it would look better off your neck or hanging loosely around your shoulders. your makeup was perfectly done by your best friend michelle, who stood beside you working on her lipstick.

“i’m so ready for tonight,” she said, smacking her deep red lips together.

“yeah, me too,” you replied, trying to ignore the butterflies raging in your stomach. “actually i’m not. maybe i’ll just tell peter i’m sick and stay home–”

your phone interrupted your outburst with a loud ding. you glanced down to see a message from peter: “on the way, see you in five! :)”

“shit, they’re coming,” you told your friend.

she smirked. “you’re going to prom, girl. besides, that boy is in love with you.”

“wait, really?”

“are you blind? he’d jump off a cliff if it would make you happy.”

“i-”

the doorbell rang, interrupting your thoughts again. you heard your mom opening the door, your dad greeting the boys.

“what do i do with my hair?!” you whisper-yelled to mj.

“leave it like that, let’s go!” she replied, and the two of you left the room.

as you approached the top of your stairs, the butterflies in your stomach seemed to triple in size. you peeked over the railing, and nearly stopped breathing. your crush, normally dressed in a ragged sweatshirt and tattered jeans, was wearing a slim black suit, his hair neatly combed, and seemed three inches taller.

“damn,” michelle whispered, “you did good.”

you both began walking carefully down the stairs, and you felt peter’s eyes rake up and down your body. your face heated up, and suddenly you felt a little dizzy– then before you knew it, you had lost your balance.

you fell in slow motion. first your feet flew up, then your arms to the side, then your hair behind you. you seemed to hit each stair with more intensity than the last, feeling every corner smack one of your bones. then time resumed its usual pace, and you were lying on the floor, staring up at peter parker.

“oh my god (y/n), are you okay?” he knelt down quickly, and the others rushed to your side as well. your face had never been redder.

“yeah, yeah, i’m okay,” you mumbled awkwardly, sitting up, and peter helped you shakily get to your feet. “i think my pride is the only thing hurt.”

“okay, well that was funny as hell,” michelle burst out laughing, and soon enough everyone was laughing as well, your face slowly returning to its normal color. your parents reentered to take a few pictures, then the four of you walked out to the car.

“have fun!” your mom yelled as peter opened the car door for you.

“not too much fun!” your dad added. “remember what we talked about!”

peter closed your door, then walked around the car to get in beside you. you turned to him, an embarrassed smile on your face. “oh no, what did he say?”

he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “uh, nothing i don’t already know.”

“let’s get this party started!” ned shouted, shoving the aux cord into his phone and turning on an obnoxiously loud song as michelle rolled her eyes. you and peter sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence all the way to the dance, while your friends chatted excitedly about a movie.

a flash blinded you as peter opened the car door in front of the school. “smile, guys!” a teacher exclaimed, holding up a bulky camera. you blinked, trying to regain your eyesight. the four of you posed in front of the car, smiling, as the teacher took more photos. “alright, have fun!” he said, and peter offered his arm to you as you walked up the steps.

“i’m sorry i’m being so awkward, it’s just, i’ve never really been around someone as gorgeous as you,” he blurted out. “and my brain doesn’t know how to process it, i don’t usually think with my heart and i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way about someone and you’re so perfect and–”

“it’s okay!” you replied quickly, trying your hardest not to beam at him. “i, uh, well, you too–”

“hey romeo and juliet, are we going in or what?” mj interrupted, ned giggling behind her.

“uh, let’s go,” you said, and almost dragged peter through the door. music pounded the walls, and flashing blue lights stormed the room. students’ feet thundered against the ground, elegant dresses filling the room.

“this, uh, this isn’t really my scene,” peter admitted to you. “what are we supposed to do?”

“dance, parker,” you laughed, taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor.

“oh, wait, no, i don’t–”

“what? i can’t hear you!”

“i said i don’t–”

“this music is so loud!” you yelled at him, smirking.

“(y/n), i really don’t dance!”

the song switched to “how would you feel” by ed sheeran. you smiled, and put peter’s arm around your waist and took his free hand in yours. “you’re dancing with me whether you like it or not, pretty boy.” out of the corner of your eye you could see mj and ned behind peter cheering you on and laughing. ned cradled a plate full of cookies in his arm like a baby.

you turned your attention back to peter, whose eyes were trained on your face. you were pressed against his chest, his hand gripping your waist, and you had never felt more comfortable. you would happily melt into his arms if you could. “(y/n), i’m–”

a loud bang sounded from behind you. peter’s eyes jumped to the window and you whipped around, his arm still hanging on your waist.

“nothing to worry about, everyone, just some fireworks at another party,” the principal’s voice boomed cheerily through the loudspeaker, but peter was still tense.

“i– i have to go to the bathroom,” he blurted out, and ran out of the room. you tried to shout after him, but realized it was no use and let your arm hang awkwardly in front of you.

“whoa, do you smell or something?” michelle said from behind you. “why’d he run away?”

you turned to face her and ned. “he said he had to go the bathroom.”

ned laughed. “he pees when he’s nervous.”

“oh…”

“wanna get food?” ned asked excitedly.

“ned, you’re holding five cookies,” you replied, glancing at his hands.

“exactly! i’m gonna run out soon, let’s go!”

mj shrugged at you, and the three of you headed towards the food. you were filling a glass up with soda when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“(y/n), i’m so sorry–”

“you’re leaving again, aren’t you?” you asked dully.

“it’s really important, i have to go, i know it’s not fair to you–”

“not fair to me? peter, it’s not fair to anyone! where do you always run off to? what are you hiding? i’m tired of this, of thinking it’s okay but then you leave, and i wonder, is it me? if you don’t like me, then just tell me–”

“(y/n), i like you. a lot. you know that–”

but you weren’t listening anymore. you had spotted something that wasn’t there before: a red sleeve sticking out from beneath his jacket, and a red collar beneath his shirt. “peter, what are you wearing?”

“i’m sorry,” he said again, ignoring your question. “i’ll make it up to you.” and before you could protest, he had disappeared into the crowd. you turned to mj and ned. “i’m following him. cover for me if i come home late.” they nodded, and you took off in peter’s direction.

you heard his footsteps echoing through the halls; why was he running so fast? you followed the noise outside the school, but he was gone. you looked around, trying to spot his milk chocolate curls, but he had vanished.

suddenly, a large thud came from behind you. something had landed hard, as if it had been thrown. you spun around and screamed; a huge man with armor and metal wings was towering over you.

“oh, you’re the girl,” he said amusedly.

“excuse me?”

“parker’s girl,” he spat. you backed up as he approached you.

“i– i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“oh of course, he hasn’t told you.”

“told me what?”

in response the man slowly took out a machine gun larger than your wingspan and held it to your head. you screamed and backed up quickly, only to hit a wall.

“now, call for him,” the man sneered. you didn’t know what was happening or who this man was, but you understood one thing: the weird metal man wanted to hurt peter, and you were not going to let that happen.

“call for him!” the man shouted again. you closed your eyes, waiting for the end. you heard the sound of a gunshot, but when you looked, the man had blasted the gun through the wall directly beside your head.

“hey peter! i’ve got your little girlfriend here, and she’s gonna die!” he yelled.

“stop!” you yelled, and slapped him. his eyes met yours, glowing with anger, and he aimed the gun directly at your face, but before he could do anything, he was suddenly yanked away from you. a lithe blur of red swung down from the roof above you. shaking, you watched as it hurled huge objects at your attacker in fury. the man screamed with rage and threw himself at the red blob, pinning it down to the ground. you peered more closely and realized it wasn’t a blur, it was a person in a tight red suit. and they were about to die. you tugged off your shoes and ran at the metal man as quickly as you could, and yelled as you slammed the heels into the back of his head. he collapsed onto the red person, who promptly shoved him off. they ripped off their mask to reveal peter’s face, his curls dangling in his eyes.

“peter? so this is why you’re always leaving–?”

before you could finish yelling at him, peter pulled you to him and kissed you. sparks flew in your stomach and you stared at him for a moment before closing your eyes and kissing back.

“you almost died,” he mumbled against your lips.

“yeah,” you responded, still in shock.

“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, it’s all my fault–”

“don’t leave me,” you said, and he wrapped his arms securely around you in a bear hug.

“never,” he replied, and that was all it took for you to melt into his chest.

#peter parker #spiderman #fuck me up

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ansel-smellgort · 8 years ago

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and the oscar goes to