antseeds

[antseeds]

I have an ad now. And ep. 3.

https://anchor.fm/AntSeeds/episodes/Some-things-change--some-things-dont-ebnq78

[antseeds]

New ep.

https://anchor.fm/AntSeeds/episodes/When-We-Dont-Want-To-ebiof8

[antseeds]

I made a thing. If you like it, share it!

https://anchor.fm/AntSeeds

[antseeds]

Just wonderful.

To those interested: your girl is available for commissions 😁 Don’t be shy and slide in my DMs or reply if you have more questions that weren’t answered in this post😊 

It may not be too obvious on my page, but yes: I can draw different genders too 😂

Also, please reblog to make more people aware 😁 Thank you!❤

[antseeds]

[antseeds]

I wasn’t feeling very patriotic today. It somehow felt “wrong” to be proud of my country when so much evil is happening here. But then I saw this story of a black woman climbing the Statue of Liberty to display an Abolish ICE sign during a protest. And that’s honestly the most patriotic and bad-ass thing I’ve seen in AGES. Solidarity to her! Give us your tired, your hungry, your poor, yearning to be free!

And I don’t know what’s funnier… that she looks so CHILL about being there, or that conservatives are more concerned that a black woman mildly inconvenienced them than they are about the 2000+ children forcibly removed from their families…

Happy 4th, everyone!

EDIT: Her name is Therese Patricia Okoumou!

[antseeds]

#RepresentationMatters

Amandla Stenberg, Lesbian:“I’m grateful for how being gay has afforded me this ability to experience & understand love and sex, and therefore life, in an expansive and infinite way. The continual process of unlearning heteronormativity and internalized homophobia can be difficult, but one of the biggest blessings lies in the magic that comes from having to understand love outside the confines of learned heterosexual roles. Once I was able to rid myself of those parameters, I found myself in a deep well of unbounded and untouchable love free from the dominion of patriarchy. If I had more representation of black gay women growing up, I probably would’ve come to conclusions around my sexuality much earlier because I would’ve had more of a conception of what was possible and OK. Having more representations of black gay women now and seeing myself reflected in them has been a huge aid in seeing myself as whole, complete, and normal.”

Lena Waithe, Lesbian: “Tonight this cape is not imaginary, it’s rainbow-colored. And we got the black and brown stripes, you know. I’m reppin’ my community, and I want everybody to know that you can be whoever you are and be completely proud, so wear the damn cape.”

Janelle Monae, Pansexual: “Being a queer black woman in America, someone who has been in relationships with men and women I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker.”

Tessa Thompson, Bisexual: “In my family you can be anything you want to be. I’m attracted to men and also to women. If I bring a woman home, or a man, we don’t even have to have the discussion. I want everyone else to have that freedom and support that I have from my loved ones.”

#20Gayteen

[antseeds]

This is beautiful.

About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I’m looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, “Excuse me, miss. Please don’t be offended by this.” And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af.

Anyway, she follows it up with, “My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She’s a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I’m afraid because I don’t know what to do with her hair. It’s a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total loss. I’ve tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he’s still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don’t have the time, it’s okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful.”

Y’all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to follow natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad.

And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he’s braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who I know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful.

I really hope our paths cross again one day, Mrs Cicilia. 💖💕

[antseeds]

I love this. It makes so much sense.

I’m so proud of Taylor Schilling

[antseeds]

People do not see you, / They invent you and accuse you.

Hélène Cixous (via smakkabagms)

This got into my head tonight.  We spend so much time building our image, what we want others to see.  This image is not always the most accurate representation of ourselves. Others will invent who they think we are, always, but we help them with that invention.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to really see someone. But first we must see ourselves.

[antseeds]

Sometimes Community is Hard To Find

I spend a lot of time watching LGBTQ videos on YouTube. It’s fun. Except, more and more I am feeling old because everyone on there is like 25. I watch these young people with their exuberance and found self acceptance and they can be so inspiring! And exhausting. After all, they are at the beginning of their lives. While they are discovering the possibilities of their futures, I have lived through many of mine.  I can acknowledge that they have taught me so much, that I have so much I can learn from them. But can we just be still? Can the lessons be calm reflections tempered with lessons learned from collected experience? Well, no. Their videos are not for me.  Nor should they be. :)  Let me get my old ass out of their business. Seriously.

It’s weird being in your 40′s.  It’s a time of change, self reflection, and some serious grinding through life’s challenges. I think. I don’t really know how it is for everyone else, but that seems accurate.   You’re not young anymore, but you’re not old yet either. One of the oddest things I have discovered is that I still don’t Feel 40. Whatever that means. I always thought there would be this time where would feel like I had arrived at maturity; behold my mortgage and sedate casual attire, I am at one with my mom jeans and shoes with proper arch support. That magical moment has never really materialized. I still can’t manage to remember to eat at regular intervals and who said you could share my bag of oreos, get your own.  I hear young people talk about adulting, I feel like I should have a better handle on that by now. 

It is a common occurrence for people to completely flip the script when they hit the dreaded middle age. It makes sense. You get there, take a look at your life and think “how the fuck did I get here?”  The lucky find ways to gracefully adjust. Then there are people like me. Just burn it all down. Throw in a severe identity crisis just for fun why don’t you. See how that goes.  It is a very humbling experience to be 44 and realizing that things I should have learned at 16 are still complete mysteries to me. Learning why those lessons were missed has become an exercise in poking old wounds to see if they have healed. Most have not. Some I didn’t even know were there. 

Honestly, I am not sure I could be more cliche. 44 year old fat light skinned mixed girl with a racial identity complex turns out queer after 20 years of marriage to a man. I mean, I can feel the collective eye rolls from Black and Gay social-scapes every time I log on.  But that’s fine. That isn’t my community either. Not really. Not yet. When I hear the hard stories of so many others, my experience feels less valid even to me. It’s not. I am just saying, I get it. 

There seems to be very little representation in the social-scape for the people like me; people who are trying to learn all of those lessons that were missed a life time ago. People in their 40′s who are trying to figure out just who they are as independent people, who are trying to be okay with themselves as they are. Trying to make peace with the good and the bad from their past and trying to find a way forward that honors those choices without invalidating their present and vice versa. So, to the folks who live in the margins (not this enough, not that enough) who have people pleased their way into a life they do not recognize and are trying to establish your sense of self later in life, well, I see you. I am with you. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and enjoy the journey. Life is complex something being right today doesn’t mean your previous circumstances were a mistake; and as we live we learn so we can always do better. You deserve a life filled with love and true happiness, so don’t be ashamed to go after it. 

XOXO

AntSeeds