anxietyman32-blog

[anxietyman32-blog]

let me tell you about me and my situation

i am an aboriginal male 31yrs old from Alberta Canada i’m from Kainai Nation part of the blackfoot people. i have one daughter who i love so much she is 8 years old i have full custody of her.i live 5 km out of Glenwood Alberta Canada on the blood tribe nation. i share a house with my dad here so there’s 3 of us me my dad and child living here i dont have my license and my dad is one of the most cheapest guys i have ever met he wont let me cruise anywhere he has to cart me around and tbh i cant stand living with him. he doesnt help me with anything here he just sits in his room on his phone all damn day and i have a child too who i spoiled she doesnt listen to me i think shes has adhd bcuz he mom smoked all three trimesters with her and my child has been abandoned by her mother and my child has been traumatized by the abusive relationship her mom dragged her through and the drugs scene her mother put her through. my childs mother does not help me in anyway at all even hermom and dad my kids’ grandparents dont help me with her or wont even take her plus my side of the famkily on my dads side they shunned us from them because my dad is weird and he is a preacher they hate us because he owns more land and he doesnt respect the indian religion on this rez (The cult beliefs theae crazxy injuns worship) so they dont come around n visit and we stay in a village made up of my entire family on my dads side they hate our guts they even tried to get cs involved to get my child taken away from me even my own mother causes me problems and her sisters they all hate me and my dad so they dont come around either im sorry if i sound like im bitching...truth be told i have absolutely no body to talk to i have no friends no girlfriend nobody to talk to me and my dad dont talk much we have nothing in common and im pregtty sure he resents me because i failed him somehow in my shitty life tbh i kind of want to let my child go live with her grandparents they told me they think she should live with them and i kind of agree but at the same time i dont wanna just quit on her i dont wanna leave her just so life would be easier i want her in my life its just i cant do shit here i have no way to get me and her out of here unless she lives wit her grandparents for a bit until i can get a place of my own...fuck i hate this i keep hgetting anxieties because i think im stepping on egg shells around my miserable father and i worry constantly for my child i get anxieties so easy im on suboxone and that too feels like its fucking with my mind i think its causing me to be nervous i  live in a mormon area where im sorry to say the white people around here dont like us natives and i dont blame them why because yes i agree too indians act fucking stupid and ugly they fuck there own cuzns they drink and run around with each others spouse on this rez yes they are bad i cant speak for other native nations around the nation. but blackfoot people? yes they are fucking fucked up ppl godless ppl i hate being from them i wish i was a white person tbh ok well ima try and end this but yeah this is my shitty life oh not to mention i rhuematory arthritis too along with my anxiety it happened in 2016 when my childs mom left me for a lesser man theres more to my story ill try and sit down and write out more another time but thats pretty much my life atm i have no way to get out of this im stuck here unless i do what i said ima do or if i some how get a wife a p[retty wife! i wont settle for less tbh and alot of our women are ugly fat and lazy only few are pretty but they are stuck up as fuck