26 | they/itThis is my trash blog for my trash feelings.
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{Richard siken from the war of foxes/Doc Luben, Love Letters or Suicide Notes}
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ping ponging back and forth between seeing immense beauty everywhere and feeling deeply like i am in hell
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My parents called me to say they want to cut contact with me bc I’m trans and I don’t know how to feel. I knew in the back of my mind this would happen eventually and that all the progress I was perceiving was just a lie, but I didn’t want to be proven right. I don’t want this. I still can’t believe this actually happened. I just don’t understand why they can’t love me.
#🌱.txt#what really hurts is losing my dad#I can’t believe he’s just going along with my mom like this#they would rather never talk to me again than call me by my name#I feel so numb and empty#I don’t deserve this shit
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Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
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I want to relapse so bad but I have no blades I’m about to grab a knife from the kitchen atp
#🌱.txt#vent#TW self harm#jealousy always makes me want to cut myself#it hurts so bad to feel this way I need the pain to be real and physical#I hate this
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Why do I always feel so unimportant to everyone.
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My boyfriend was out of town for a week and as soon as I get to see him again he tells me he has a hookup coming over. Great. It’s not like I missed you or anything. Fuck me I guess.
#🌱.txt#literally kisses me and says “can ____ come over”#sure what do I care#he literally texted me every day he was gone saying he missed me and wanted to be home with me#and then this#I hate it#now I’m stuck in my room until this cunt leaves#I don’t want to fucking look at her I’m so mad#I wish I could be less insecure but unfortunately I’m not#I feel so worthless
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“I want to explain how exhausted I am. Even in my dreams. How I wake up tired. How I’m being drowned by some kind of black wave.”
— Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
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looking like you just woke up // the front bottoms (ig: jayetart)
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I've Endured, Now What?
Blue Iris - Mary Oliver / So This Is All I Will Ever Be? - Fatima Aamer Bilal / Vive, Vive - Traci Brimhall
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Fully passed out in front of the bar last night. Barely made it out the door before crumpling to the ground. I was alone too so I have no clue how long I was lying on the fucking sidewalk for, I just remember closing the door behind me and then my vision went to static and when the static cleared I was laying on my back.
#🌱.txt#so fucking embarrassing#two guys were walking by when I stood up they had to have seen me layed out on the ground#idk if it was my blood pressure dropping or if I smoked too much but damn#my ass fucking hurts from falling on it#no head injury tho so technically all good
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Grief in Three Bodies: A Conversation by Victoria Chang, Prageeta Sharma & Khaty Xiong
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- Clive Barker, The Books of Blood: vol. 2 “Jacqueline Ess: Her Will and Testament”
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I ❤️ ISOLATING MYSELF
46893736525263 RELATIONSHIPS RUINED
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