apamates - Tumblr blog

[apamates]

jinna explaining to fitz that his deep-seated need to father a child "drives his passion" makes a whole lot of things make sense. she's right, actually. it's why he never did really understand beloved's flippancy around "plumbing" either in AQ or throughout TM. you do have to have particular plumbing to be impregnated and birth a child. and if that is, in the end and at the core of him, what fitz really wanted, it makes complete sense that he would be in denial about his feelings for his "bff." the lost and rejected child naturally has a fundamental need to be loved... and would look to find fulfillment in giving that love to their own child (while actually seeking it from them).

so it's surprising to me that, presented with the absolute perfect package - ilistore who looked identical to beloved except for being a woman (having the right plumbing) and who was literally offering to give him his deepest and most fervent wish - fitz was able to resist her. hanging on the wall unseen, beloved must really have had a few moments of wild panic.

but what is unsurprising to me is fitz's then extremely emotional response to being shown beloved on the wall. his sense of certainty that beloved knows he didn't betray him comes completely from his own relief and vindication that he had conquered his own problems, and now he was free. fast forward to fitz walking beloved's body out of the cave while ilistore screams at him trying to tempt him again, but this time in desperation, while fitz knows he has already beaten her. "my dream was dead in my arms" + everything he thought and felt just before resurrecting beloved, including finally giving him his own name, reveals how deeply fitz shivered and tumbled his own walls. because...

he had finally learned. love without limits means just that. there's no specific end goal in mind, no need to seek love for the purpose of having a child to love (or to love you). no - just love. only love. completion unto itself.

[apamates]

CHALLENGERS (2024) dir. Luca Guadagnino

You don't know what tennis is. What is it?

[apamates]

CHALLENGERS (2024) dir. Luca Guadagnino

[apamates]

it was wayyy better

i've only seen like two screenshots and a gif set from Challengers but it's giving me a vibe of Y Tu Mamá También with a dash of Absolute Beginners

[apamates]

obsessed with how rgu never does anything to try to prove that dios was as good as anthy believed he was, or that the pain he caused was somehow worth it. when we meet him he’s weak and powerless. the fact that his form possesses utena is something other people read into her actions, not any kind of material power he possesses

anthy loves him the way so many of the characters love the people that hurt them: reflexively, desperately, miserably. at the end of the day there’s no prince at all; akio is just a corpse rotting under the floorboards. utena is not the spirit of dios reborn, and she’s not anthy’s prince, and their love is real because of and not in spite of that

[apamates]

Sniffles and whimpers and sobs but when you look over at my cubicle I’ve perfectly filed all the company’s taxes deftly and with skill

[apamates]

Robot disabilities. Robot who charges slowly and loses power incredibly fast and is always tired. Robot with malfunctioning lenses and can’t process visual information properly. Robot that can’t process anything too large and at a fast rate or else they’ll shut down. Robot with limbs screwed on too loose/just can’t attach correctly, so if they’re not careful they fall out. Robot disabilities,,,

[apamates]

this guy is such a loser i want him in my bed immediately

[apamates]

POOR THINGS 2023 | dir. Yorgos Lanthimos

[apamates]

this book is giving me psychic damage

[apamates]

Sex Education | 1.05

[apamates]

has anyone else thought about the sword beloved gave fitz as lord golden and how after the quarrel was such and object of fixation for fitz? all the times he didn't take it because he felt undeserving after being such an asshole to the fool. the fool being hesitant to bring it up, maybe thinking fitz was rejecting the gift itself and not its emotional weight after everything that happened.

and then it just being lost forever in aslevjal when fitz had finally accepted it

[apamates]

i've only seen like two screenshots and a gif set from Challengers but it's giving me a vibe of Y Tu Mamá También with a dash of Absolute Beginners

[apamates]

KIM MIN HEE & KIM TAE RI ⬥ The Handmaiden 아가씨 (2016)

[apamates]

seeing the "if you cannot get into paradise when you die you can always stay with me" line get reposted on those like aesthetic quote accounts drives me insane because not only is it a hauntingly poetic line out of context but WITHIN its original context it is DEVASTATING. its being said by a ghost to the guardian of a child because they are trapped in a situation where it is almost certain neither of them will make it out alive and this child's guardian is trying to convince him to sneak out and get help. he knows help will not arrive soon enough, he knows that he is going to die alone in there trying to protect this kid that his actions have endangered, and this ghost is telling him that no, he's not gonna die alone, because he still has him

but the ghost looks like this

[apamates]

one of the greatest tragedies in life is that you will always be loved more than you will ever know. someone in class finds your presence inviting and warm, even if you’ve only ever exchanged a few words with them—maybe none at all. someone on the street loves your smile and it gets them down the next few streets. someone you used to be friends with still wishes to fondly call your name. someone you used to be friends with five years ago would give anything to be in the same room as you today. someone who regularly comes into work is disappointed when you aren’t there to brighten their day. someone missed you today. someone noticed you were gone. someone loves you when you’re there; someone loves you when you’re nowhere to be found at all. you think you have always disappeared when you’re no longer in the picture, but you’ve never left the frame.

[apamates]

unironically love juri’s mary sue tendency to just pull out random talents that aren’t even mentioned more than once. not only captain of the fencing team but a professional model and a skilled bowler as well. i’m watching a playthrough of the spin-off game which i do not consider ‘canon’ but it spontaneously reveals that juri is a pro gamer as well which i do arbitrarily consider canon. she is on a 49 person in a row pvp kill streak right now