apeachymama

[apeachymama]

Haven't depressed posted on awhile but

I do not want to live anymore

I should not be a mother

My family deserves so much better

[apeachymama]

I'm so fucking depressed lmAo

Anyone in the dollywood area wanna pew pew snip snip stabby me, if you know what I mean

Super lonely. Don't love my in laws. I hate Tennessee. I'm so poor and stuck. I'm literally so useless and worthless.

Fuck fuck fuck.

[apeachymama]

Did my nails finally. Waiting for the stickers to cure before I file off the excess. Color Street nail stickers. Definitely an mlm but kinda cute sometimes.

Went for a rainbow set and then realized. It's not June yet. So I chose black to match my heart and soul and mood instead. Fashion, baby.

I started my new dose of welbutrin and sertraline 2 days ago and I feel so numb and sad and depressed and tired. My chest feels heavy. Like something is squeezing my heart. Hope it's just an adjustment thing and I feel more normal within a few days.

2 weeks til we get married. I should be ecstatic. I'm not. I'm not really stressed out about it either. I'm just super numb to it. Maybe I'm finally starting to accept that it'll be a total broke bitch hot ass mess from the beginning to the end.

[apeachymama]

Everything sucks and I hate my life. Sorry to the few people who end up reading these. I'm just super depressed. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so depressed. I'm not excited or happy for the wedding. Nothing is ready and due to budget and restaurant issues, walmart is gonna cater our lousy reception. Can't wait to send a friend to mcdonalds so I can have chicken nuggets at my own fucking reception. I don't eat the food from Walmart. It's great quality I just don't eat that specific food. Chicken wings and potato wedges. Whatever. It's the perfect sum to what's gonna be a perfect fycking wedding, she said with absolute sarcasm and zero facial expression.

[apeachymama]

HILDA

Homage to the 50’s pinup Hilda with my beautiful friend María, who is damn proud of her body and is never scared to show it.

©2021laurabfernández

[apeachymama]

same with sista, brotha, motha, etc etc

[apeachymama]

i think “video games aren’t really the violent child-corrupting threat some parents worry they are” and “certain circles of gamer culture are incredibly toxic and can lead people down dangerous/hateful ideological rabbit holes” are ideas that can absolutely coexist

[apeachymama]

“Right now is a great time to sharpen the little skills, Fine-tune the little habits, and find joy in the little things.” [x]

[apeachymama]

I can't believe my first ever family vacation is with homophobic, semester, racists. In fucking Tennessee. One if America's beautiful assholes. I don't want to go. Look how privileged I am. Complaining about vacation. BRB gonna go fucking rip myself. I hate everything.

[apeachymama]

I get really sad that I have nothing to show for my life. I have no accomplishments or trophies. Nothing to be proud of. My life is empty and horrible. Yeah I have a small family. Yeah they're chill. Cool. Whatever. But honestly I never wanted this. I'm a terrible mom. I'm mentally ill. I'm poor. I don't drive. I can't afford to live on my own. I'm a shitty person. Anger issues. I hate myself quite a bit. And I know my daughter is gonna hate me one day. I'm gonna lose my mind. I don't have anyone to talk to so tumblr gets to eat these vent posts. Bon Appétit motherfuckers.

Ps I'm an even worse partner. Huge burden. He has to take me everywhere. Can't afford childcare so he has to watch the baby when he should be sleeping for work. I never clean. I want to but I'm unable to. I don't cook. Don't know how and don't have the mental capacity.

I've exploded two or three times today. Scaring sophia and waking up John. She is officially a threenager and I can't deal with it. I try to be patient and explain things to her. All she does is scream and cry and shout no and cross her little arms. I can't handle it. I'm an awful person and I do not want to be here anymore.

[apeachymama]

[apeachymama]

Thought my psychiatrist app was tomorrow. It's not. It's Tuesday May 11th. I'm gonna die before then. I'm so miserable. I have no meds. No one to talk to. So depressed.

[apeachymama]

I just want to marry the love of my life and celebrate our relationship with family. Why does it bring me so much grief. Why do I feel so anxious. Why can't afford fucking anything. Fuck fuck fuck.

[apeachymama]

[apeachymama]

I feel so sad and I feel like I can't tell anyone. Even if I did there is nothing anyone could or would do about it. Just have to suffer drowning the depression waves all alone. Try to hold my breath for as long as I can.

[apeachymama]

[apeachymama]

Hey, so in a facebook mutual aid group this person has needed more help than our small circle can currently cover. Spread this around and give what you can

CashApp: $JuelzOscar

Venmo: @JulianOCharger

[ID: 2 screenshots from facebook. First is a post from Julian Charger that says "recently tested positive for COVID. Just trying to get help with getting some groceries for 2 weeks. I am a little scared. Needing some food and necessities. Anything would help. I got CashApp: $JuelzOscar or Venmo: @JulianOCharger. 😔😔😔😔😔."

Second image is a screenshot of the other facebook (the public one) profile of the same person. The name reads "Julian Oscar (Hoe Profile)" and the profile description is "2 Spirit Lakota Sioux From South Dakota $JuelzOscar." ]