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Yes the math does math. They will make pure profit from the house sale.

And that includes the fact I expect nothing.

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This whole situation with my sister and where she's going to live is so absurd I finally realized when I realized how much ive paid for my house, and am going to pay on my mortgage.

& whatever my sister inherits will probably be at least equal to what ive got. Therefore, I will try to help her find a house if she doesnt, but she will probably end up with enough for a house down-payment she just has to build her credit. And all of this is literally the reality so why the fuck you wanna pressure me is ONLY for your amusement and nothing else.

If I dont want a relationship with you or anyone I dont have to period. Your philosophy means nothing to me. And my sister IS A ADULT AND A PARENT AND IM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER.

Just like she is clearly not responsible for me, I am.

I cannot change the fact that im dealing with abusive ppl that do not understand the NATURE of choice. That is the core truth.

I do love my nieces and nephews - THEY ARENT MY KIDS!!

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Ways you have been gaslit ---

He is not your family period. Nicole strong, Danny, Calvin, Parker, Timmy, Michael, Patty, Breyanna, David, Chelsea, Julian, Nada, Grandma and grandpa, Jarrett etc. These are people you are family with and know that are being used to represent ideas.

The problem with this is YOUR FAMILY ARENT THE PEOPLE DOING THESE THINGS TO YOU ----They are. That is why this is literally gaslighting.

Paul is crazy. He thinks pretending to be family is the answer, but pretending to be family is why he is energetically fucked up and cannot have any type of functional relationship with you. Because his mindset is set to incapable.

-you were gaslit about your family.

-you were gaslit that you NEEDED to be accountable and endure these last 2 years - this is gaslighting because after you were accountable - literally nothing changed.

You are angry because you are trying to understand why you were made accountable when you are still not free, or allowed by these literal abusers and handlers, to set boundaries.

You did not need to be accountable - they WANTED you to be accountable - and remember they are literally vampires. That is the only LOGICAL REWARD to your being accountable. You gain nothing, you are granted nothing.

You are being gaslit about boundaries - THEY HAVE BOUNDARIES - YOU DO NOT HAVE BOUNDARIES. THIS IS THE REALITY OF WHAT YOU ARE LIVING.

It is psychologically normal at this point being suicidal - you are not weak - you see nothing but suffering in your future.

Your best hope at this point is to get medicated to numb everything out so you dont kill yourself - if you choose to stay alive.

You ARE also being gaslit about Danny - they are literally preventing you from having any real relationships because they are playing with you like a cat playing with a toy. You are not being impatient - they are tuning you out and literally taking over YOUR life. You are naturally entitled to control of your own life and your body and your own energy which you stated in the beginning and all has been ignored by both max and Paul. They are literally ignoring you. NEITHER OF THEM HAS ANY IDEA WHSTSOEVER HOW TO ACTUALLY BE WITH YOU. This is why you are angry, your feelings are rationale. Danny is actually better. But Danny isn't one of them. So their goal is to get rid of him.

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Pressure is what made me bisexual.

Any man in my life claiming he is or i am his friend needs to be able to confirm he will never attempt or trying being more than friends. If not he is literally nothing but pressure.

And oh yes they're all victims. Every single one of them for my entire life. Victims of women not wanting them enough.

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The reason some things stay through every fire, flood and humiliation and destruction is because you cannot lose or change the essence of who someone really is. And I am constantly accepting this. Its not always what we want, like or hope we are. But there is a true essence of who we are and who we are always remains. However broken. I write i feel and i hope. I feel resonance and I've lost so much of myself. I dont feel my personality inside myself anymore very much but I know theres pieces that won't ever die until I die.

I think violet is genuinely essence, won't be destroyed, but checks out. Is why I cry when I wake up. Theres truth.

The spark.

I try to think of other characters that feel indestructible i think the black wall is - but the black wall isn't who I am it's the only way I know how to survive and instinct to survive wont ever be left behind. No one does that.

What are these characters though - essence is i am a thinker - maybe more than a feeler or i hope balanced. But I am a thinker. I will always be a thinker. Theres doers, feelers, thinkers. I am a thinker. And sometimes I really wish I wasn't. But I am. And thinking causes me so much pain you cannot imagine but this is why I absolutely must think for myself. I must have my own reality.

I am so angry at my thoughts dominating my feelings because they have my whole life and I think im sick because of it. I think myself sick. I have to be free to feel. And I think,I know, I am not easy to be with and it will be very hard for me to find someone I should be with. Can stay with in health.

All of me thinking - all of my coping and all of my shopping taught me this now--- i know this is absolutely true

An actual step in the right direction if integrated. One below.

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Define love. Redefine love. Start over and make love make sense to you. Ppl will literally die for love. Theres no way love isn't important or real. Love is perceived differently.

Love considers you.

Love is simple I think. Love isn't in its nature complex. Love is SIMPLE.

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Its real avoiding ppl who've harmed you. Much realer than listening endlessly to a million reasons why you shouldn't and remaining harmed. 🐇

Noone seems to really want the truth or to consider what's waiting underneath the layers of overthinking. All this soul searching for acceptance of all we dont really want to accept. 🌊

Detachment is as legit as understanding (counseling). Probably more. I know thats what my senses desire. & I know theres no healing found with ppl who always know everything and change their narrative to suit theirself again and again.

Psychologically, spiritually, mentally & emotionally...detachment and no contact are completely legitimate (sometimes necessary)paths. ⚕️

At the least - dont pretend you care about health or healing when you dont. No one needs to add gaslighting to the very concept of healing & absolute annihilate theirself. No one. 📚

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Self correction are signs from a person's soul. Truest essence.

Nature, nurture, heaven and home.

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If I die - find Max Kuhnle and Paul Ciampo accountable.

They are part of a psyop program I've been initiated into.

Paul is the person thats been touching me - there's some type of chip in my vagina. Vibrating everyday driving me insane.

Max has absolutely mentally tortured me. I cannot have one thought of my own. My mind doesn't work anymore.

I told him I didnt want any relationship with him years ago, when he metaphorically raped me, he has continued to do so for 9 years but the last 2 have been the worse.

I quit Ameripet because of him and he has followed me since then including at my new job. This is why its hard to go on living - if i cant take care of myself i cant live. And I cannot get away from him ever. I've gone through 10 thousand dollars. 10 more and I'll be dead.

I have something they need. Some type of power.

Max tells me I hope your day is good "as well" this is all after he has raped me.

The meaning is it doesn't matter if I've raped you - you are mine and I will continue to treat you anyway I want.

Paul believes touching me is sending the message to max that he cant rape me. Its supposed to be a metaphor. For sex and choice.

But max doesn't understand the metaphor i think he's literally autistic or special needs - he doesn't believe i dont want the relationship.

Im with Danny now but Danny cant protect me from what they're doing. So I can no longer talk to Danny either. Because they use him too. To upset me. To hurt me.

If I die there will be no evidence but im telling you my family - the fault is on these 2 people.

There was another man in the program his name is Christopher Becekerle he was supposed to be the good guy. He tried helping me in the beginning but I've lost contact with him. Im pretty sure they're all very bad because getting initiated requires hurting someone.

Is basically like u have to delete someone and steal their life force so u ascend. Like a sacrifice.

But I feel often like I literally want to die since this began. Its not fun for me at all and they absolutely won't leave me alone.

I am like the piece of the puzzle they need to maintain their power and they're willing to absolutely destroy me to maintain their power.

I dont want to be with an evil person I dont want any of them.

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The issue is and has always been, you have to give me the autonomy to make my own decisions without being forced to overthink.

This was always the truth, this is all of our issue into one single point. And I believe this is the difference between me and you.

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I rejected the narrative of being your parent

I rejected the narrative I was married to anyone

I rejected the narrative relationships are all the same, because they literally aren't and never will be. (Family, friend, coworker, husband/wife) IF YOU THINK THEY ARE THEN YOU WILL BE A DYSFUNCTIONAL PARTNER SO CUT.

Denying my narrative in place of any of yours is literally chaos and literally undue UNSUSTAINABLE domination and forcing the creation of false relationships.

The only one I ever attempted to force anything with was Paul, and I literally immediately apologized and maintained this entire time my action was wrong. Because the type of relationship he wanted and I wanted were incompatible.

I also told Max I agreed with him wanting me out of his business. Is a valid decision. And he has continued everyday to believe he has the authority to control me. I am his business.

That was never the truth.

I rejected any type of REAL connection long ago and went away from him. I did not mislead. He was attached in empty form and this came to the light, especially of time.

What has remained with people are chaotic emotional entanglements - literally.

And mostly, if not entirely, these entanglements are maintained by completely ignoring/dismissing my narrative completely and asserting your own.

UNSUSTAINABLE

If I haven't made myself clear enough - my husband, my home, my SAD health, and hopefully positive relationships with my rapidly aging grandparents - are my priorities.

Not you.

OVERTHINKING IS NOT THE SOLUTION, YOU ACTUALLY ARE WRONG SOMETIMES AND ACTUALLY DONT ALWAYS KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

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The most insidious narrative created through max and profoundly dysfunctional to building literally any type of relationship is this narrative---

You aren't allowed to say mind your own business.

You are now literally his slave and property. Literally u have no authority and this has been painted as the absolute truth - you invaded him and he has taken ownership of u. Entirely.

You will speak to him in the correct tone and in due time u will agree and submit to his will. Because you cannot say - mind your own business. This is prohibited. Demoralized, rights have been stripped from you as has any personal authority.

He has literally been telling you for 9 years in a million different ways - you cannot say mind your own business. You have no business. You are his business you literally belong to him.

In a nutshell this is why I myself will never get on his side of that action because I understand the real issue.

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Max's plot - the damn. The plan is to make me say rape isn't wrong and instead I was wrong for bumping into him and responsible for him. That isn't true that Won't become true because I'll never agree to that reality is absurd. That action is wrong, the problem with Paul is instead of realizing I've literally been saying that's wrong from the moment it happened he is taking it upon himself to literally play God and karma. The same thing max is doing with accountability.

You're both wrong, because neither of you are my god. Neither of you have the authority to play the role of God and neither of you are manifesting any type of Godly relationship which is honestly really ridiculous to be playing God while I am constantly constantly reminding u that I am not nor do I want to play God to you.

You are, wrong.

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I don't want to hurt u. I don't want to hurt eachother anymore. Saying the wrong things. I just want to know what is right. I am suffering in the confusion.

Because I haven't felt safe. Danny brings safety.

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Will u haunt me forever? The memory of you?

Did u ever want me to hold on? Or was I always supposed to let go?

Why were u everything to me and I was a pit stop for you...

I want to understand why I can't ever let u go. Why I feel like the best of me is with or in you....

I don't want to be crazy. I really don't.

I just want to see clearly.

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Real matters. Being a real person matters and has always mattered that's what Danny shows.

That's what I showed everytime I tried talking or meeting.

That's why I'm so miserable with anyone trying to control me while maintaining distance. Real matters. Who we are together matters.

And if you WANT distance I am allowed to also want distance and this has always been the problem.

You cannot demand distance, require receptivity, and force your presence in my life!

You are not the authority of me.

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There's a real difference between writing your story and being forced to overthink and that's why relationships end. Relationships end because of conflict and fighting.

It's infuriating that I pressed Paul. Used force. But he poured back into me and brought me closer to myself.. I was okay with letting him go. SAD but okay with myself. I was ok.

You aren't me. You don't think like I think or understand the issue of force functionally.

Sometimes we are wrong and make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes really do cost us relationships and I think the silver lining is like we can try again with what we know.

This is why I'm angry because I was willing to try again with what I learned and understanding myself better.

There's a difference between writing your story and answering to an interrogation with or without real answers. Write fiction. Write better. Write something juicy and exciting. Inviting and entertaining. Just write..say something to me. Think about me. I want answers. I want perspective. I don't care what the truth is because I dismissed the truth long ago.

This is literally what you did. You did not want or create space for my book. You created space for a psychological rape is literally what you did. You got the story you enforced..literally.