aperturepackrats

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//Hi! I’m still here. Well, not here on this account, as should be obvious by my lack of posting. But I’m still alive! Which, considering the Portal universe, is ironic on several levels.

If anyone wants to find me, I can be reached at @/4Descartes2 on twitter, where Morgan’s adventure has recently been renewed, or on discord as DM#8573 - please, please, please let me know who you are if you message me there. 

<3!

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New day, new discoveries. 14 plastic-wrapped packs of post-it notes, a handful of stationary, and 5 assorted packs of non-perishable snacks. Nice.

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“Okay. We got eighteen full-size Snickers, a pack of cigarettes from Mr Sampson, a handful of shotgun shells from the talkative wheely robot, a book of coupons from Ash, a can of compressed air and a pack of floss from Sam and Max, a million dollars in cash from the tournament, and a bottle of vodka from the lady at the bar.”

She slings her pack over her shoulder. “Well... Happy Halloween, I guess? That wasn’t too bad.”

Polaris wriggles into the bag and tries to get at the Snickers.

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Yay! I Wonnered. I am The Greatest Rodent Specimen and also Handsomest Poker Player. The rat preened himself.

Morgan uneasily reaches for the pile of chips. “Good game, lads. Uh. No hard feelings, right? Heh.” 

GLaDOS loomed down from the ceiling. Polaris crouched, his ears folding, and Morgan shrank back from the unblinking yellow optic. 

“Uh, look, I...”

“I bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you?” A small sway. “But consider your competition. A steroid freak with rage issues. A horny robot. A half-witted cripple. And a dog. And even then you needed luck to win. Lots and lots of luck.”

“... Boss...?”

There might have been a faint sense of malicious glee in her tone. “I wonder what you'd do in less... favourable... conditions.”

Something rattled overhead, and turrets dropped down all around the table. Morgan froze as their lasers tracked onto her and to her companion. 

Oh no. No. This is not how I die. ... yes it is, of course it it, oh geeze...

The machine hanging from the ceiling swayed, like a woman shifting her weight from one leg to the other. “Just kidding. I would never kill you.”

“... uh...?” Morgan tried to smile uneasily, as the turrets started singing.

The machine slunk low, optic once again an inch from Morgan’s face. “In public.”

Morgan uneasily reached for the chips, and carefully backed out the door.

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“... ohhh no I know where we are., Run, buddy, r--!”

Too late. She’s plonked down at a table with some old familiar faces. GLaDOS whispers something about twenty-thousand dollars’ worth of experimental funds.

“Hiya dollface!”

“Evenin’ fuzzball. And his, uh... handler.”

Morgan sighs, and puts Polaris up on her shoulder as the cards are dealt. “... anyone want a Snickers?”

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“Ooh! Snickers! ... ooh, another Snickers! ... Polaris, look, a trail of Snickers! ... ha ha, yeah, this is totally a trap, right buddy? ... buddy? ... yeah, you’re right. Free chocolate. Let’s go.”

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“Okay, inventory check. Portal gun. Jumpsuit. Boot dealies. Um. Okay. That’s it.”

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“Well, what do you know! That crystal thingie actually worked! We’re back in Aperture!”

“Hah... We’ve been away for a long time, right, buddy? Made lots of friends, ate lots of amazing food, had some incredible experiences... But it’s about time we came back home.”

“Man, I can’t wait to tell everyone. And show off our new duds! Aren’t we the fanciest, Polaris? Heh.”

“... sorry, buddy. I guess no-one gets to see how dapper you look in your little coat. ... and you don’t get to play with my hair anymore.”

“Back home and back to square one,” Morgan signs. “C’mon, buddy. Let’s find some food.”

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"Here's a few photos of the farm, the market, and the fields. A real nice place to spend a working holiday. Maybe I'll find a way to get back here someday."

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"Finally got this thing working again. Been a while, heh? Well... that was mostly my fault. This is, uh... geeze, I don't even know what day it is anymore. Last entry I posted has me coming up the hill towards the town. I was expecting people, but instead they were, uh... Here. Let me get a photo."

"Bear-people. Panda-Ren, they call themselves. Which makes sense, seeing as they kinda look like pandas. Anyway, I was freaking out, but they could see I was hungry. We couldn't really talk to each other, some kind of language barrier, but Polaris leapt for the food, and after the kafuffle ended and we'd had a good meal there was a chance to pantomime who I was and where I'd come from. I think they're still confused, but I'm not the troublemaking type. Especially when it comes to food. Heh."

"I've been staying at this little farmstead, doing jobs for a Panda-Ren who calls himself Yoon. He lets he stay in that little hut there. People don't ask me questions about my outfit or my gun - the latter I've hidden and the former I've swapped for some comfier clothes - and I keep my head down. It's honest work, and I've missed that kind of thing. Feed the animals, clear the soil, plant seeds... Plants grow overnight here. It's insane to wake up and find that the cabbage seeds you planted yesterday are now full-grown and bigger than you are. Needless to say, neither Polaris nor I have had a problem staying alive here. The food is so good."

"Some old guy in a pointy purple hat gave me a weird purple crystal. I think I'm supposed to break it, or throw it on the ground. Don't speak a word of his language - though seeing an actual human being was great - so I just had to guess."

"I think, however, the last of my cushy days here in the farm are over. There's a wagon train loading up with all the oversized fruits and vegetables that we've been able to harvest. I think we're going on a delivery run. As much as I hate to leave a place that's fed me so well, heh, I think it's time Polaris and I hit the road. Who knows? Maybe we'll find someone who knows how to get me home."

"Between you and me? I'm guessing a little antsy. Maybe I'll find something a little more testing as we go."

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//We interrupt Adventures of a Test Subject to bring you CHARACTER SHAMING

//2 from Morgan, then we have Riley, Cari, Gears, Clever, and Polaris.

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"Day Eight. So...  We made it to the town's outskirts."

"Now, this doesn't look like the kind of city that has... I don't know, air-conditioning, but that's not my number one priority right now. I can see massive vegetable fields over yonder, and herds of goats. And I can smell food. Polaris' whiskers haven't stopped twitching and he's batting me over the head as I'm taking this picture because we're not walking fast enough."

"My mouth's watering. I seriously hope they're friendly. And that there's some way I can afford whatever they have there."

"Food."

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"Day Seven. Well, eight, I guess, seeing as it's like 3am? Anyway, it's been raining all day, only just let up enough for us to keep going. Hurray for really big plants with really big leaves. I can see a collection of buildings ahead of us in the mist and fog... I'm hoping it's a town. The road looks like it leads right to it, so... fingers crossed."

"If this bad weather keeps up, Polaris and I might have to hide in that little hut for a while. I'm sure no-one would mind a couple of drowned rats getting out of the rain."

"... I really hope the rain hasn't affected the portal gun. I'm in trouble if it has."

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"Day six. We found a set of stairs that took us up to a high point, and we got a good sight of the landscape, even though it was all cloudy and rainy. I know where we need to start heading.

"Also at the top of the mountain was... well, a statue... Let me show you."

"So... people here worship Winnie The Pooh? I don't know. This place is just... weird. We're having a light meal of rice cakes and dried bananas, then we're heading back down to the path and walking on."

"... I really hope the locals are friendly, bear-gods or not."

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"Evening of the fifth day. We ran into some wildlife, so we had to abandon the roads and sneak around. By wildlife, I mean, like... tigers. And porcupines the size of German Shepherds. Polaris is freaking out a little. Sensory overload plus everything is big enough to eat him like a cornflake. We're both really looking forward to finding somewhere safe, let me tell you."

"We're going to camp under this bridge tonight. Look at it, at the detail and craftsmanship... Definitely Asia, I'll eat my hat if it isn't. If I had a hat. Anyway, my thinking is tomorrow, we'll try and get to higher ground. If we can actually see a village or town or something... well, it'll be better to have a direction worth walking in than just 'follow the road'."

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"Day... three. Yes. Maybe four. I got sick. Polaris ran off and brought me back some ricecakes. A little stale, but actual food. Made me feel a lot better. Then I thought, 'hold on, ricecakes? Does that mean there are people around here?' and I got Polaris to show me where he got them from. He lead me to this."

"It's a shrine, of some kind, and... well, I don't know anything other than English, but this looks distinctly Asian. Chinese, maybe? I don't know. I don't get out much."

"I'm really hoping we don't get in trouble for this, but some of the snack cakes and dried fruits that we found here were just what we needed. Not to mention, these lit candles don't actually seem to be burning down, so... Maybe I can actually make a fire, so we're not shivering tonight? And hell, maybe I can actually cook a fish!"

"There's a cobblestone pathway leading here. Maybe if I follow it, I can find a town or something. Make amends for shrine-robbing, and then sleep in a real bed and eat real food for once."

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"Test subject's log, day... Um... day one? Two? Wait, I arrived last night, but this is the first day I've been here... ... Day 2. Let's go with day 2."

"Wherever I am, I'm definitely outdoors. It's kind of bizarre to think about it, but... this is the first time I've been outside in over ten years. Nearly fifteen! Between the cryo-sleep and then all that testing... ANYWAY! I'm certain I'm outdoors. No way that this is a hologram. It was raining, and I remember the smell of real rain. And the sky is just... vast. Too vast to be a projection. The grass is real, the butterflies are real... the mud and mosquitoes, too, ya gotta take the good with the bad."

"... Polaris doesn't really like it out here. The rain and the mud have him fussing like a right princess. Heh. But it's nice out here. Peaceful."

"We're near a waterfall so we've got no problem with water. Our supplies are getting a bit low, but I'm gonna try and put together a fishing pole, or a net, or something. Not that I'm looking forward to eating raw fish, seeing as I don't know how to make fire, but... eh. I've eaten worse."