apolinariomabinis - Tumblr blog

[apolinariomabinis]

hitting dangerously close to let men be masculine territory but i just think it’s a little strange in almost all readings of dean’s gender and sexuality his masculinity is seen as something that was forced upon him and not something he intentionally adopted. like in a lot of interpretations of his character through this lens he’s basically given a personality and aesthetic transplant in a way that just feels untrue to his character. it’s obviously fine if that’s how you want to view the character but i think you should be able to distinguish your own ideas from canon. like to me dean is a character who really wants to be like his dad and he wants to be like these american heroes that he saw on tv so he adopted this aesthetic and attitude that is very marlboro man and very devil may care. and obviously he internalized some of the more negative aspects of those personas but that doesn’t mean that you scrap his entire personality. a lot of it to me feels like a personal indictment of this brand of masculinity and you don’t want to associate it with a character you love so you pretend it isn’t true to his character but it is!

[apolinariomabinis]

Sam thinks Dean told him he was going to kill him from the voicemail in Lucifer Rising, he also knows Dean wanted to kill him in his sleep when he was soulless, before he even revealed much more than what could easily be trauma, and then Dean told him outright to his face he thinks Sam should have been dead instead of Charlie. And Dean is still all Sam’s got, and Sam has to choose Dean over everything time and time again. Dean tried to kill him while he was a demon then spent a season lashing out constantly and enraged when Sam wanted to fix it. Sam’s completely under the impression that all his connection and love comes from someone who has repeatedly wanted him dead and thought about literally killing him.

[apolinariomabinis]

one thing i think is funny about adventures in babysitting is frank telling dean “you look like shit” and dean being like “i know” and then it cuts to dean sitting there like this

yeah. so true frank. they put a little purple eyeshadow on his waterline and now he’s disgusting. jensen “i refuse to look ugly on camera” ackles refusing to look ugly on camera even though the dialogue in the scene directly requires it. this episode has many treasures for me

[apolinariomabinis]

it’s about how both sam and dean were promised to archangels, but michael does not care about dean, it’s dehumanizing even, he doesn’t think of him as dean, he simply needs a sword and any of the right forge will do, the cruelty of it lies in how dean has a destiny that robs him of a sense of control over his life, while still being informed he is utterly insignificant and even replaceable. while lucifer cares about sam, it has to be sam, he knows sam and he’s been waiting for this since before his birth, lucifer knows and had a hand in every stitch of his suit. and if you have your suit tailor made, even when you’re not wearing, it it’s still shapped like you

[apolinariomabinis]

can u believe dean never stabbed sam when he had the mark of cain. not even once. fucked up.

[apolinariomabinis]

the concept of the winchesters and dean in particular being some other family’s yellow eyes is so good especially when introduced at the same time as demon dean and because what is supernatural if not a collection of interesting concepts with terrible execution when they actually tried to implement the idea you get cole, whose only purpose in the end was to make demon dean look cool by getting his ass beat in a parking lot

[apolinariomabinis]

sam winchester // the green mile, stephen king 

[apolinariomabinis]

wait going back to the other thing, dean? “mom’s a babe” dean? dean “two of these cheerleaders are legal” winchester? and people are surprised that he would be nasty around some entity in a 19 year old blonde chick’s body?

[apolinariomabinis]

1.14 | nightmare 

[apolinariomabinis]

i am getting so very tired of characters trying to explain to sam what it feels like to be possessed. oh someone was pulling all the strings in your body dean? without your consent? yeah that’s fucked up i wonder who in your life can relate to that specific horror.

[apolinariomabinis]

sam winchester: hey u know what im tired of living exclusively in motels and eating cereal for dinner and being in constant danger from monsters + also being abused by my dad + parented by my barely-older brother. to escape to a normal life im gonna apply to college :)

people on tumblr (derogatory): class traitor !!

[apolinariomabinis]

on one level, supernatural is a bad tv show. on another level, it is the best soap opera ever made. on a third, different level, it is an intricate tragicomedy about generational trauma. and on a fourth level, it is a true story in which the characters are real people actively affecting the plot. i could keep going. the media experience of all time.

[apolinariomabinis]

[apolinariomabinis]

7.05 - Shut Up, Dr. Phil

[apolinariomabinis]

JESS: So call me soon, okay? I love you.

[apolinariomabinis]

making myself emotional thinking about how the biggest cue we get that gadreel has taken over sam (besides the cheesy blue eye flash) is that he stands up straight. it’s an immediate shift. you don’t even really think about how much sam is shifting and folding and curling to make himself smaller, safer, less intimidating, less assuming, less noticeable. how his face angles upwards and looks like soft and kind and young. but then those upward angles flatten into a sharp, impassive man (i think it’s important to note that gadreel isn’t attempting to make an intimidating or angry or mean face - it’s just that he’s not making the face sam makes, he’s resting sam’s features) and his shoulders straighten and he gains like three inches and it’s like, oh! this is what sam doesn’t want to be: a big intimidating guy.

sam doesn’t want to be in his body, so his body only reaches its full potential when there’s someone else in it. i think i have normal feelings about this. sam wants to be in a smaller, softer, kinder body. nothing particularly of note to say about that, i say, while grabbing my giant journal labelled “sam winchester’s gender troubles” and beginning to scribble furiously in it

[apolinariomabinis]

it’s like this i think sam probably knew his father loved him but figured he didn’t like him. i think dean was pretty sure john liked him but questioned how much he loved him.